The Possession of Spike Spiegel

I do not own Bebop! Vegeta, and Bulma are property of Akira Toriyama. Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade-soon to be Skywalker, she's not a Skywalker in this story, yet... They are property of George Lucas and Tim Zahn. Spike Spiegel and other anime people belong to some cute Japanese guys and girls. Whatever. And Leonardo DiCaprio is mine forever!

I have done many reviews, now I write my own story! This was my first fic and it used to be a B/V now it's an OE/S!

Note: I needed to change it, because I didn't like how it went the first time.

Spike Spiegel and other anime people appear, not to mention some domestic cartoon characters. There will be violence, offensive language, silly situations, lemon, sexual innuendo, adult situations, drug use, talk of drug use, a Mary Sue is properly taken care of, tons of pop culture references, talk about witches, no, I am not making fun of my beliefs, and characters are very OOC.

So the mayhem begins again!

The Possession of Spike Spiegel

By Kate Spiegel

Somewhere in China...A place full of mysterious wells.

"Julia I found you! Oh Vicious too!" Spike said as he rushed to her. "But why did you want to meet in China instead of the graveyard?"

"Because this would be a learning experience for Vicipoo! Hey Vicious! You want to see something!" Julia smirked.

Vicious is twirling his hair and acting like a spoiled heiress. "Uh, yeah sure. Hope it's hot."

"Guard! What does that well do?" Julia said in a tone that sounded like Billy from Billy and Mandy. Then started laughing like him. "Watch this Mandy!"

The guard walked by and said. "Beware, that is The Well of The Drowned Lecherou Monk and Pissed Off Female Red Dragon. You see a monk and a dragon were fighting one day, they fell down the well and both perished. So beware! This well is cursed!"

"Oh, I see! Oh wait. poor Miroku, so that's where he went. Now Vicious, I will bring Miroku back from the dead! Watch the fun begin!" Julia kissed Spike, then threw him down the well. All was heard but a scream and a splash.

"YOU FOOLISH HARLOT!" Suddenly a giant red dragon came out of nowhere, Julia and Vicious looked up.

"The experiment didn't go as planned!"

"I AM GOING TO SWALLOW BOTH OF YOU WHOLE!" Suddenly the dragon paused and vamped in midair. "BECAUSE, I'M A DRAGON!"

The dragon chased them for a while, until they found a cave where she/he coudn't find them.

Let's get out of here!" Julia and Vicious ran away, while the dragon flew off somewhere else.

Meanwhile...A while later...A Long While...Say about 9 Years...Spike discovers that he was a human after all! After he had taken care of some some baby dragons, it's not like that! They were orphans and the dragon is a she...Not to mention some kids in his Monk Form...They were orphans too...He leaves China...Goes back to the Bebop, ageless...Vicious and Julia had moved on to the Bebop after the well incident and also they were homeless, where could they go, that abandoned church?...That land was being turned into luxury condos for people like Boomhauer and Quagmire...The reason for Spikes youthful look is that he had found the Fountain of Youth...There is trouble a brewing...Above DBZ Land...

"Sweet burning stars! I'm stuck in that damn worm hole! That damn Emperor Palpatine and his damn farts! Damn him to the lowest ring of Hell! I hope he's getting violated by a bunch of demons and I hope he's enjoying it!" A beautiful woman shouted as her ship was sent into the hole.She suddenly spotted a blue and green planet. "Ahh, this must be that Earth Place that orange sunlike thing was talking about!" Mara landed on a beautiful deserted island. "So This is Earth? What a dump! What a piece of crap!" She closed her eyes and used her power to guide her, "Wait. There are a few huge powers here and I feel that there is one on this island."

The Gisele Bundchen-esque Vegeta was sitting all alone on his private island, Bulma was still going out with Yamcha and it made him feel pretty down. How could he explain how he feels about her, damn his pride! It always gets in the way of his heart. As Vegeta pondered, he suddenly felt that he wasn't alone, he noticed a high power level. It was near the area where the sun always set. Mara approached quietly, the huge power was not too far from her. It was a muscular looking guy with very big hair. Vegeta finally spotted the source of the power, the figure was thin and shapely. Soon a muscular, but beautiful lady dressed in black leather emerged in front of him. She seemed very cool and catlike, her green eyes were the color of the purest jade, and her red gold hair matched the beautiful sunset behind her. Vegeta was bewitched by her beauty, but suddenly reality gave him a good smack in the head.

A white rabbit with a pocket watch around his neck rushed by and smacked him on the head with it. "Ooops! My bad! Damn! I'm late!"

Vegeta waved it off. "It's okay pal, I was in the way." Vegeta took another look at the woman who was coming towards him. "What are you thinking Vegeta! She's pretty. No, I can't there's someone else I love. I have feelings for Bulma." He said to himself. "Besides, she looks like a fucking Mary Sue. Better be on my guard."

"Excuse me, where am I?" She asked.

Vegeta growled, "Who the hell are you?" He put up his front like a woman at a bar who wants to avoid advances from some drunk.

Mara grumbled; "I am Mara Jade the Jedi Master, oh wait, I'm not a Jedi Master...yet. Damn you future father-in-law!"

Jet Black comes out of nowhere. "Hey! Don't you dare take my name in vain you little brat or I won't give you permission to marry Luke!"

"Get out of here Vader!" Mara yells.

Jet walks off in a huff, leaving Vegeta baffled. "Um, where are you from Mr. Jetta?"

"I am from Coruscant."

Vegeta crossed his arms. "Coruscant? It sounds like some kind of flaky roll."

Mara rolled her eyes; "Shit, I'm lost."

"Lost, the best show on television."

"What?"

He huffed; "Um, nothing. Well, you happen to be on a planet known as Earth. I am Vegeta, the Prince of all Saiyans. Well, I was a prince, but my planet got blown up by an evil tyrant, who I used to be one of his "Hands". But now I report only to Lord Goku, our leader."

Mara scratched her head. "Um, okay. Excuse me, your worship, but I need to get back home because I got stuck in that stupid worm hole and I wound up here. I'm getting married and my fiance might go to extremes to find me. And I mean extremes, like human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, and rampant nose hair running lose across the galaxy."

"Bobobo is in charge of rampant nose hair! But no, I won't help you." He said as he turned away from her.

"Oh come on! My fiance may be a little crazy, scratch that, he's psychotic, but he loves me!" She stomped her foot.

Then Vegeta thought it over, it would give Bulma something else to do besides bitching and moaning at him for being a lazy ass. He turned back around; "Okay, I will bring you to someone who will help."

Mara gave a sigh of relief. "Thank goodness! When do we go?"

"Right now!" Vegeta grabbed her hand.

Mara yanked away. "Well, let me get my ship first and I'll follow you in yours."

Vegeta grabbed her again "I don't have a ship, besides, I have no time for that! You're coming with me!" He powered up and they took to the air.

Mara shouted; "Hey! Where are we going?"

Vegeta growled; "I'm taking you to see Bulma and her father. Now shut up."

Mara screetched in his ear; "Fine! Just as long as you don't drop me."

"Don't worry, I'll try not to." Vegeta sped off towards Capsule Corp with Mara still clinging to him.

They both landed at Capsule Corp, Vegeta went in and Mara followed him, she gazed at the giant garden with its assorted animals in wonder.

"Where were you Vegeta? I had your dinner all ready." A woman with blue hair snapped. Bulma's angry blue eyes met Mara's green ones. "Who the hell is this?"

Vegeta smirked, "This is Mara Jade, she's a Jetta."

Mara growled at Vegeta. "That's Jedi, you dolt!"

Bulma paused; "O rly?"

"Yea, r ly." Vegeta pointed to the blue haired beauty; "This is Bulma Briefs, the richest and smartest woman on Earth."

Bulma smiled as Vegeta said that.

Mara turned to the blue haired woman. "Hello Bulma, don't worry, I am not interested in your boyfriend. So you can calm down, you see I'm not a Mary Sue, besides I'm engaged."

Vegeta put up his front. "I'm not interested in either one of you, so don't get me started."

"Yeah, all you want to do is defeat the androids and Goku!" Bulma calmed down. "So Mara, how did you get here?"

"I got stuck in that stupid worm hole and I ended up here. Can you help me get home?"

Bulma's jaw dropped; "That damn wormhole! So you're one of the crazy people that Don Patch was talking about." Bulma then turned her attention to Vegeta. "Yamcha will be here soon, we're going to see Bo-bobo perform in Disco Inferno, a new musical. So, I'll just show Mara to her room, before I go."

"She's not staying here!" Vegeta barked.

Bulma snapped back. "Vegeta, how could you be so cold! She has nowhere else to go!"

Vegeta rolled his eyes; "Fine. Just as long as she stays away from me!"

"Thank you. Now that wasn't so hard, was it?" She placed a kiss on his cheek and departed with Mara.

Vegeta flew out the door, he needed to clear his mind. He couldn't stop thinking about Bulma, but there was something else. Kakarott, that thorn in his side that he needed to be rid of. Well, that was actually nothing, he just wants to fight the stupid androids. He flew until he spotted a Krispy Kreme, inside he saw his friends.

Vegeta sat next to a man in a long red coat who was sitting with a guy in a long black coat. "Hey Vash!"

The guy in the red coat looked up. "Yeah?"

He saw the other guy removing the black coat. "Wanna trade?"

Vash removed his duster. "Love too!"

Vegeta laughed, then he took a glance at the three women that sat near them. "Hi Vash, Vicious, Merrill, Julia, and Millie. I'd knew I would find you here."

Vash patted him on the back, "Hey Vegeta, what's up?"

Vegeta turned around. "Bulma trouble."

Julia moved on to Vicious' lap. "Stop playing hard to get, Sweetie."

Vicious put his arms around her waist. "Yeah, if you do that she'll come around." He gives Julia a kiss. "Just like you did. I'm glad Spike knocked up Faye. Well, maybe he did, she actually doesn't know who the father really is. It may even be Jets, who knows. Well, I don't think that Spike has slept with Faye, because Spike is possessed and he's very obsessed with redhaired women. He wants Edward badly. He's told me over 5,000 times and he doesn't care about Julia anymore, hardly even talks to her and when he does talk to her, he's not nice. He even hits her."

This was also the place for juicy gossip and Vicious knew everything, since he was the Anime World's only gossip columist, master of disguise, and paparazzo.

Vegeta's eyes widened; "He got Faye pregnant? I can't wait to tell Bulma about this."

"Noooooooo! What did I just say, you are such a lunkhead!" Vicious gave him a blank stare. "That's what everyone thinks, and besides Spike is still cursed. Julia just had to throw him into The Well of The Drowned Lecherous Monk and Pissed Off Red Dragon!"

"Hey, it wasn't my fault, I was trying to impress you baby, that's all!" Julia whined.

"I wasn't impressed, he/she almost ate us!" Vicious crossed his arms.

"Hey, at least he has the spirit of Miroku, you know how much Sango has been missing him." Vash said.

"Um, yeah, Inuyasha is thinking of some way to get the body back." Vicious looked like he was hiding something.

Vegeta shrugged; "Well, Kazuma is in dying stage, he can cast a spell to bring him back."

"There's not enough time, tomorrow will be Halloween and Kazuma will die. Then we will have to wait until Spring." Merril said.

"I think Kazuma has strength left to banish the dragon, but not Miroku." Vicious stirred his coffee slowly.

"Well, at least Spike will be partially himself." Stewie Griffin said as he passed by.

"But I don't want Miroku to be banished, he's my friend." Vicious whined.

"Isn't Spike a witch?" Vash asked.

Vicious shrugged; "Yeah, but not a Pagan God like Kazuma and Ryuho was appointed Devil, but he doesn't have horns and a pitchfork, he just does what his wife Kanami tells him what to do and he does it. Like help pass judgement and to throw awful people in the Neithers."

"Can we stop talking about religion, please?" Millie asked.

"Okay." Vicious said.

"Well, Kazuma was losing too many body parts to his Alter that he just regenerated into a god who is a teenager in the Spring, full grown man in the Summer, middle-aged in the Fall, then dies an old man in the Winter. Now a god must have a goddess, so he battled Ryuho for Mimori, he won and Ryuho was defeated and Mimori goes through the cycle now too, except for dying, she becomes a Crone in the Winter and waits for her beloved Kazi to return in Spring." Vicious explained.

"Stop talking about Kazuma, we don't want to be reminded!" Vegeta snapped. "Wait? What happened to Kanami?"

"Kanami happens to be the Uber Goddess herself, she grew up and became a goddess, she has say over who does what. She's actually married to Ryuho. She was the one who punished that idiot Palpatine for farting and putting that giant wormhole in our galaxy. Don Patch has been through the hole and he says it's all too wierd."

"Enough, so tell me, what's going on with Spike."

Well, Spike is going to have one of those DNA tests done on some talk show. He's also going to have Edward tested to see if she's really his sister. You see, he's really in love with her and not Faye, because screwing Faye is like screwing a female version of me. I wish that Edward girl was a bit older, she looks like a female version of Spike. Oh, I would like to...Um, Spike and I had sex once when we were in the Red Dragons, um, we were experimenting."

Julia looks dreamy eyed. "I'm dreaming of a nice threesome, just me, Vicious, and Faye. Two Vickichans for the price of one!"

Vicious gave her a small slap. "Get over yourself! We're not having a threeway!"

"But I want one! We need some spice in our marriage!" Julia snapped.

"Why, it works for me and the insurance girls." Vash ordered three dozen donuts and six cups of coffee. "Hey, would you like to share my donuts? These are so good!"

Vegeta grabbed a donut and picked at it, "Vash, don't you know these things are bad for you. Well, that's what Dr. Digi Max says."

Vash grabbed a bunch. "Excuse me Gisele Bundchen, you can eat anything and still look good. But these don't hurt me one bit. Besides, I don't LISTEN TO CGI CHARACTERS!"

"Oh Gods, here comes Spike."

Spike comes in and smacks Vash on the head. "Needlenoggin, you know the rules!"

Spike leaves in a huff, but before that Vicious slaps him on the ass. Then Vicious grabs some donuts for Julia and himself. "Um yeah. So are you anorexic or something?"

"No, but thanks for the Gisele compliment, she's my hero." Vegeta shrugged, "You know, I love Bulma, but I don't know how to tell Bulma that I love her. Also we have a new house guest, some girl who went through that stupid wormhole in our galaxy. Can Kazuma fix it?"

"He can't, Kazuma is doing banishing spells, but he's a bit weak!" Someone snapped.

"We can ask the Dragon." Someone suggested.

"That is so cliche, we're always bothering that poor dragon, let's just get rid of this Jedi, then we'll do something about the hole." Vegeta said.

Vash gave him a devilish look. "Really, is this girl pretty? Maybe she could be my wife."

Suddenly a fist came down on Vash's head. "Forget it Broom Head! You already have two wives."

Vash waved, "Hi Merrill sweetie!"

Vegeta watched the squabble. "Forget it. She's engaged to be married to this guy who can read minds and levitate things. They call them Jetta Knights."

"Volkswagon Warriors?"

"I don't know if they have Volkswagons in Star Wars World."

Millie came over to Vegeta. "The simple thing is to tell Bulma."

"Doesn't it seem that we are jumping topics. Okay, let's go back to my Bulma Trouble." Vegeta shook his head, "You know, I should tell Bulma that I love her. Now guys, tell me what's going on with Spike and has he seen an exorcist yet?"

"Oiy vey! This again?" Vicious laughed; "Spike must have seen 7 different priests and they're afraid of him, Jet took him to see Old Man Bull, nothing worked. You see when Spike goes beserk, he turns into a dragon. That's part of the curse. The only way to cool him off is with cold water, which turns him into Miroku. The only way to get Spike back to normal is to pour hot water on him. But Spike still retains the monk's personality in normal form."

Julia sighed; "Poor Spike Spiegel will never be the same...for a while... I did good!"

"Yep." Said Vicious.

"Yep." Said Vash.

"Yep." Said Vegeta.

"Uh huh." Said Boomhauer, who left in a rush with two blondes on his arm as he got into a car with Glenn Quagmire.

"A foursome! All right! Giggity! Giggity! Goo!"

Meanwhile, in another area of town at a quiet Japanese restaurant.

Yamcha plays with his ramen, then stops. "Bulma, I love you. But we need to break up."

Bulma starts to cry. "Yamucha?"

"It's Yamcha, my name is Yamcha, not Yumcha or Yamucha, it's Yamcha!"

"I'm sorry honey."

Yamcha touches her cheek, "Don't cry, it was meant to be. We'll still be good friends. You see, I feel that there is someone else that loves you and he's struggling to tell you his feelings. I've seen how he looks at you, Bulma he's the one that you wanted to wish for in the first place."

Bulma nods, "Yes, but he has his pride."

Yamcha touches her hand, "No, if you love him, you must fight for him. You've always had a fighting spirit. Go out and get him, let nothing stand in your way. Go and pimp slap the pride out of him! MAKE HIM YOUR BITCH! Uh, oh, here comes Spike."

Spike slaps Yamcha across the face. "YOU KNOW THE RULES BOY! Continue."

Bulma squeezes Spikes ass before he walks off.

"Why are you guys doing that?"

"Spikes a good luck charm, if you pat him on the ass, you either win the lottery, get married or have a baby." She gives Yamcha a smile, "You're right Yamcha, you've been such a good friend. By the way, do you have someone?"

"Oh yeah, some chick with grey eyes named Callista Ming that came through that stupid wormhole. I tell you, she's a great cook and one hell of a lay!"

Somewhere on the Bebop.

A young woman with red gold hair receives a call on her computer as a Corgi sits on her lap. "You are speaking to Ed here on the Bebop."

"Mara is that you?" The guy asked. "Why do you have yellow eyes? Have you gone...Sith? Bad girl! Just wait until I get you back home! I want you to tie me to the bed and spank me as hard as you can! Luke has been a bad boy and he needs to be spanked!"

"What! Excuse me mister?" Ed rubbed her head, there was some guy on the ship by the name of Spike that was really getting on her nerves. "My name is Edward."

A man with green hair sat next to her. "Make that the future Mrs. Edward Spiegel."

Luke smirked; "Who is that sexy piece of man with you Mara? Are you having an affair? I want in! I want to have a threesome and hot gay sex!"

"No way you sick bastard, this is my man!" The woman shouts. "And you! I'd rather die a horrible death than marry you and have your spawn! Well, not until we see brother!"

"Only the DNA will know and prove your father wrong, my sweet. You will be my bride and you will carry my seed." He kisses her passionately and bites her neck.

She pushes him off. "Let go of me you freak! No wait, how about later, no! Oh Kanamisama, I need to be strong and fight temptation! Spike, baby, I am not some airheaded bimbo or some stupid Mary Sue or some Feminazi, I know I want you, but not right now! I'm on the phone! Go away Spike!"

"You will belong to me." He says, then slithers off into the shadows.

The girl shook it off, lit a cigarette, and remained cool, but then something made her sigh. "Oh, what a man."

"CAN I HAVE JET BLACK PLEASE! I DON'T FUCKING CARE IF YOU'RE HAVING BOY TROUBLES LADY, JUST GIVE ME JET BLACK NOW! I WANT MY DADDY!" A man's voice said frantically.

"I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO USES CAPS!" Spike came back in and screamed at the monitor.

"Fuck you!" The man shouted.

"Fuck you back!" Spike growled, sat next to Edward and put his arm around her, then groped her breast and looked at her lustfully. "I'd rather fuck you instead, is now a good time?

Spike was met with a nice slap on the face. "Maybe when you become a gentleman Spike, then you can be my boyfriend and fuck me all you want."

"There is no such thing as a gentleman and you miss are no lady." Spike got closer to her.

"Shut up Spiegel or I will wake you up from that dream myself!" The cool female kept her composure and answered back. "I'll put him on sir."

Jet answered the call, "This is Jet Black what do you want?"

"Daddy? Daddy, is that you?" The man calmed down. "Um, yeah. My fiance got lost in this wormhole that opened in our galaxy. She might be on a planet called Earth in Dragonball World. If you find her, I'll give you 500 million for her return and I'll make sure they're Woolongs."

"This calls for a celebration!" Spike grabbed Edward, threw her to the couch, pinned her down, and started dry humping her. "Edward my love! You have become such a beautiful woman! Give yourself to me now!"

"Hentai! Ecchi! Pervert! You lech! Oh Goddess, take me to the bedroom! No! Don't you dare!"

"But Honey, I need you, my biological clock is ticking."

"What? I am not a fucking incubator! All you have on your brain is sex and babies! Where in Hell is the Spike Spiegel that used to hate kids, pets, and women with attitude?"

"He's somewhere in there, but right now he can't be reached, I'll leave him a message."

"Spike please, stop trying to hump Edward! I'm on the phone."

"Don't worry Jet, I can handle this, I'm a big girl!" Edward struggled; "Get off me, you horny, green haired, odd eyed weirdo that sees the past in one eye and in the present in the other! Maybe I should get Vicious to wake you up from this stupid dream!"

"It won't work! Vicious and I, are friends again! Oooohhh! I love it when you're angry Sango!" Oops.

"I knew it was you Miroku! Oh, I can't wait until Inuyasha steals the dragonballs from Vegeta!" Ed's face turned very red.

Spike suddenly flew through the air and landed against a wall.

Ed went to her room leaving Spike out cold on the floor with a big lump on the head.

Mugen comes in and shakes his head. "The boy ain't right. Where did I go wrong? Was I a good father? It's all Fuu's fault, she spoils the brat and Kazuma, that kid is also not right either, why did I raise such weird kids. Well, as for my brother Roger, he can't get his brat Van out of the house. It's Angel's fault, that damn woman." Mugen walks away mumbling.

Luke continued; "Well, are ya gonna take the job or not?"

Jet and Faye smiled. "We'll take it!" They said in unison.

The former Imperial Palace on Coruscant, the old throne room.

A blonde haired man wearing a black cloak sits on a throne. He gets up and observes four people, two women, and two men, plus a dog on a platform. He strides over to a tall man with a mechanical arm, "State your name bounty hunter."

"I am your father..." The bounty hunter said in a deep voice.

"What?" The guy asked.

The man spoke, "I am the reincarnation of Anakin, you know, Jet Black. I am the one that you talked to. These are my partners, Spike, Faye, Edward, and Ein our Corgi. There's two more of us, but they decided not to go. You see Vicious is a gossip collumist, he's too busy hunting celebrities and his wife, DiCaprio is our mechanic and chef, she's making some repairs to the Bebop before lunch."

The guy grabs Jet and hugs him. "Oh daddy, I missed you so much!"

"Yeah, yeah, calm down kid." Jet let go of the guy and he started to imitate his daddy.

He goes to Spike. "You may use any method necessary. But I want her alive. No disintegrations!"

Spike nods; "We'll just knock her out cold. I'll have this one in the sack! Heh, sack." Gazes sexily at Ed, who rolls her eyes. "I love redheads! All right!" Spike takes another look at the picture and smirks.

Edwards face turns red; "Monk!"

"When angels fall from Heaven, they become devils, isn't that right Spike?"

"Faye! I didn't get you pregnant! I wouldn't even let you violate me!"

Luke screams and hides behind Jet. "Daddy, there was this mean lady named Akanah and she, she hurt me Daddy! She hurt me really bad! She did very bad things to me!"

"Okay, I'll make a note to have her thrown into the Neither Regions when she dies. I know Kanami will listen, even if she is a busy woman."

"Thank you Daddy!"

"Where were we Spike? This child is yours!"

Spike bops her on the head. "No, it's not! You slept with Vader over there, because you have a thing for men with mechanical arms!"

"You little brat! That's not how a boy from Hogwarts acts! Why can't you be like that nice Harry Potter boy? Instead, you act like that Draco brat! How dare you bite the hand that feeds you! Wait until I tell Mugen and Fuu, they won't be happy!"

Faye slaps him aside the head. "How dare you make fun of Annie!"

"Woman! Never call me that name or your days will be numbered!"

"Don't you dare get any of those sick dirty thoughts Spike. I am the one who keeps you alive and I am the only one who will kill you."

"This again? Being pregnant is making you vicious, isn't Faye? But I don't remember sleeping with you, although there is one thing. " He shouted; "THE BRAT ISN'T MINE, IT'S VADERS, I MEAN ANNIES, I MEAN ANIS, I MEAN ANAKINS, I MEAN JETS! I'D RATHER KILL MYSELF THAN HAVE SEX WITH YOU AND LET YOU GIVE BIRTH TO MY SPAWN!"

"Spike, please stop screaming in caps!" Faye snarled.

"Stop talking like Vicious!"

"Is it true daddy? Am I going to have a new baby brother or sister?" Luke asked sweetly.

"Maybe kid, maybe." Jet said hopefully. "We're doing one of those DNA tests in about 3 months on a talk show."

Luke looked at him with giant blue eyes. "My prayers are with you daddy and I do hope you marry Faye."

"Spike, I'm leaving you for Jet...He's more of a man than you'll ever be...Goodbye."

"Faye FYI, THERE WAS NEVER ANYTHING BETWEEN US, SO SHUT UP! Besides, we are so cliche! I'm happy that we are not a couple! I would do anything for Ed, even get unpossessed for her! Edward and I belong together! I love Edward! Not because she is a redhead, but because, she's a free spirit, so full of life, and she's prettier than you! She's a lot like me! She doesn't dress like a prostitute either!"

Edward turned her head and smiled a little when she heard that.

"Good! You and Ed live happily ever after in your little dreamland! Besides, I am tired of you! Jet is classier and I am stealing Vicious away from you, he is forbidden to have you as a friend!"

"You bitch! That's for Vicious to decide!"

Vicious pops in. "You are both my friends!" Then walks away.

"See that you old hag! Old hag! Old hag. Old hag. Old hag."

Faye goes nuts and starts to strangle Spike. "That is not a nice thing to say Spike!"

"Spike and my beloved Padme, I mean Faye, please stop fighting!"

Suddenly Han Solo and Leia walk in, Spike goes to Leia, who is wearing a Lois Griffin Wig. He takes his hand in hers. "Excuse me miss?"

Leia blushes. "Yes, what do you want?"

He rubs her ass. "Will you do me the honor of bearing my children?"

Ed is now red in the face as she watches Spike, she clenches her fist. "Monk!"

Han starts to growl as Leia holds him back, and she's very pissed. She slugs Spike, sending him flying through the air, then he crash lands into a wall. She fires her blaster at him, then yells before she and her husband depart. "Next time, I won't miss!"

"Will you please stop it?" The red haired girl snapped. "You have to excuse my brother, ever since DiCaprio pushed him into The Well of The Drowned Lecherous Monk and Pissed Off Red Dragon. He's been really out of it."

Spike was angry, so angry that he did indeed turn into a dragon. His skin turned red and scaly, his eyes became yellow, horns popped out of his head, he grew large fangs and claws. Not to mention that he had gigantic black demon's wings sprouting from his back and a huge tail. Also he was breathing flames, he started screaming. "FOR THE UMPTEENTH FUCKING TIME! I AM NOT YOUR BROTHER, YOUR FATHER IS WRONG, BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT ME TO DATE YOU, AND I DON'T HAVE ANY INTEREST IN THAT UGLY WHITE TRASH BITCH FAYE! Besides, she's with Jet now."

Suddenly a beautiful girl with long Autumn Gold hair, crystaline blue eyes, and fair flawless skin mysteriously appeared. She wore beautiful black Saiyan armor and had white angels wings. When she walked, it was as if she was floating.

"OH GREAT A FUCKING MARY SUE! OH MAN, I AM SO HUNGRY!"

Both Ed and Faye rolled their eyes they sighed and said in unison. "Here we go."

She came up to the dragon and smiled. "My name is Megami Hortense Porco, I am the Daughter of Prince Vegeta and Princess Serenity."

"Usagi! I would never touch you if you were the last woman in The Anime Universe!"

"Ditto Vegeta! The bitch is lying!"

"Shut up you two! I am part Saiyan, part Namekian, part Hobbit, part Elf, part Romulan, part Zeltron, part Human, part Venusian, part Klingon, part Vulcan, part Unicorn, and part Evangelion Angel. I am a princess from a far away planet and I will marry you, because I am very powerful. You see I excel at everything I do and I am highly intelligent than Edward, because I am perfect!"

"Hey, that is an insult, do you have a death wish?" Ed snapped.

Jet said darkly. "You do have feelings for him?"

"No I don't Jet!" She snapped.

"Search your feelings you know it to be true!" He shouted.

Ed ran under a catwalk and pondered.

"Oh daddy not that again." Luke said.

"Well, it is the truth my son." Jet said.

Jet continued his verbal assault on Ed. "You are hiding them from him. You do have feelings for the boy. If Faye won't become his girlfriend, which she won't, then perhaps you will!"

"Never!" Ed screamed and rushed at Jet with a frying pan, Jet blocked her with a rolling pin. Emotional music started playing during the duel.

The rolling pin and frying pan duel lasted for three minutes, then Jet was cornered by the angry girl. Ed came down with the pan and knocked the pin out of Jets hand. Jet held up his real arm. "Woah kid! I just got that arm fixed, come on, I don't feel like losing it again!"

Ed threw the pan aside. "You're right, I am in love with the son of a bitch."

The dragon sighed and little pink hearts flew above his/her head.

"But first, I want to get the real Spike Spiegel back. That sweet apathetic guy who is the most laziest thing in the galaxy. The man who hates kids, pets, and women with attitude, the man who smokes like a damn chimney and drinks like a fish. Just as long as you respect me, then I will be your girlfriend, just as long as we get that curse lifted." Ed said as tears rolled down her face.

"I hope so too." The dragon smiled and licked her face with his/her tongue.

Ed was pushed aside, which made Spike growl. "Back off! Spike Spiegel is mine, he belongs to me!" The girl shouted, then continued as she rubbed the dragon's snout. "And I am much more prettier than Faye or Julia. We'll live happily ever after, you'll be a prince and I'll finally be a queen. We'll happily rule our kingdom over a peaceful and beautiful planet that is filled with flowers, dancing, and revelry. We'll have beautiful children together. So what do you say Spike, will you come with me? It's better than staying with that old hag."

Ed growled. "I am not an old hag!"

"How dare you insult this girl." Faye snarled and grabbed her Katana, she decided to adopt one. "You will shed tears of scarlet!"

Julia steps in wearing Vicious' clothes and a Vicious wig, she too was wielding a Katana. "You will cry red tears!"

Vicious who was dressed up as Julia, um grabs Vicious by the waist. "Come back to the bedroom sweetheart, Dr. Pill says that role reversal and fantasy play during sex is good for a healthy marriage."

"Yes, dear." Julia rolls her eyes and leaves with Vicious.

"Wait!" Jet snaps; "Julia, I thought you were repairing the Bebop?"

"I was and now it's finished." Julia and Vicious walk away.

Jet shrugs; "Damn you and your weird sex lives!"

Luke held onto Jet. "Daddy, can you make the bad Mary Sue go away? Can't you choke her with the Force daddy? She's scaring meeeeee!"

"Sorry Luke, when I was reborn, Kanami stripped me of all power, but she gave me a great mind though."

"I think I will take you up on your offer." The dragon said.

Ed smirked; "She's done for."

"We'll start right now, I can't wait to start planning the wedding!" She said happily.

The dragon grumbled. "How about dinner first?"

Sparkles surrounded the girl. "Where do you want to go, I can teleport us there."

"I was thinking right here, my dear, we can have a picnic." The dragon snickered.

"Well, what's on the menu?" She asked.

"YOU!" The dragon growled and threw her against the wall, he flew over to her and punched her a few times. "Foolish Mary Sue! Do you think I could be tempted by all that foul drek you were saying? You will never come between me and my beloved Ed! Besides, my dragon form happens to be female!"

"But I love you with all of my heart! My love is eternal." The Mary Sue croaked out. "Besides, I can't die."

"That's very nice, well, I'm just going to see how sweet you really are." Spike bit off her head and chewed it. "Hmm, needs something else."

Ed cracked a smile as she watched. "Spike! It's dinner time! Eat up sweetie!"

Spike started to feast on the Mary Sue's very perfect and very dead body. Picture Eva 01 eating the angel, you get the idea. Suddenly he stopped; "Wait, this is not done, do you have any ketchup or relish or A-101 or maybe some Gay Poopon? I also need salt, pepper, lemon, lime, saffron, ginger, mugwort, mint, lavender, chilli peppers, and Teriyaki sauce." Luke hands the condiments, herbs, and spices to the dragon, who pours everything on his meal, then he cooks it, and takes a bite. "This is delicious." Spike's eyes glowed white with joy as he continued his feast.

Van steps in. "Stupid cousin of mine, you're stealing my stuff!"

"You're the rip-off!" Spike whacks Van with his tail and sends him flying. "Shut the fuck up loser!"

"Oh my Goddess! He's eating the angel!" Faye shouted.

"He's taking the MP3008 engine into him! I knew this would happen!" Jet shouted.

Ed laughed at the sight. "Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup! Bitch!"

Faye came up to Jet, "She really does love him, doesn't she?"

"All it takes is time and I hope someway, we can get Spike back to his normal self." He whsipered.

Spike started howling like a wolf and they couldn't do anything until he/she was finished with his/her meal.

"Aren't we supposed to be saddened that the Mary Sue died?" Luke asked.

"Why? She tried to steal Spike from me! Good riddance to bad rubbish!" Ed shouted.

"Ding, dong, the bitch is dead!" Faye laughed.

The dragon suddenly got woozy. "Oh, my tummy hurts, she was too sweet!"

Ed rubbed his/her snout. "My poor baby, what can I do for you?"

"Get out of the way my love, I am about to hurl!" The dragon threw up the Mary Sue who was intact and covered in saliva.

The saliva was magically cleaned off and the Mary Sue was perfect again. "You naughty boy Spike! I told you that I can't die."

Ed sighed. "There is one thing to do." She took out her cellphone and called someone. "Hey, I found the perfect girl for you, come right over!"

A few seconds later, there was whistling, and the sounds of a horse. "My name is Andy or was it Mushashi? Miss Ed, you told me that you found me a wife, where is she?"

Ed pointed to the Mary Sue. "She's right there."

Andy grabbed the Mary Sue who was kicking and screaming, "Oh yeah, I'll have her tied to the stove, making me pancakes, while she's barefoot and pregnant! Just kidding Dollface, I do the cooking and I am rich as hell, all you got to do is make me a good wife and pop out some young'ins."

"Let go of me you redneck!"

"Hogwash, I'm just an old fashioned cowboy or was I a Samurai?"

"Sorry Mary Sue, but your time is up." Edward opens a champagne bottle and drinks it. "And no champagne for you!"

They took off in a flash and everyone waved goodbye.

"Hey Luke, wanna see something cool?" Ed said.

Luke jumped around like a little kid. "Yeah! Show me!"

Ed fetched a bucket of water. "That was his beserk form. You want to see his monk form?" Ed takes the bucket of very cold water and throws it on Spike.

"Oh! I'm melting! Melting! You little brat! How could a sexy girl like you destroy my beautiful wickedness! Oh what a world! What a world! Ohhhhhhhh!" Dragon Spike fades and he turns into a black haired version of himself wearing purple and blue robes. He also comes with a staff. "My good man, we will do all that is necessary to rescue your beautiful fiance."

"Now you will see his true form!" Ed shouts and grabs a kettle of hot water, which she pours on Miroku Spike. Revealing the Spike everyone knows and loves.

Spike rushed to Ed. "Did you really mean what you said?"

"Um, maybe." Ed said in a cool tone.

"You were lying to me! It was all a lie! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Spike started crying.

Jet slapped his head; "Please, I don't want to hear that tone ever again! No Wilhelm Scream! That made me look like such a cheesy coward! Oh Wonderful Uber Goddess Kanami! Oh Awesome Goddess Mimori and Great God Kazuma! Damn you Ryuho! Why? Why? Why? Why did that horrible fat man in plaid put me up to that, I feel so, ugh, ashamed. I was such a bad dog! Bad Dog No Biscuit! Oh Padme! I'm so sorry!"

Faye put her arms around Jet. "It's okay, Jet. Besides, you were tricked by that evil fart bag Palpatine."

"Yes dear, Palpatine was indeed the biggest fart bag in the galaxy. He's in the neither regions, and was reborn as a brainless school girl/pop star/heiress who is now being used as a sexual playting for tentacled demons. I bet he's enjoying it too, I hope he is enjoying it. Making me dress up like a dog, keeping me as a slave. But now, I am The Black Dog, once I bite, I never let go and also, I can do whatever I please and this time, I am the boss! That pig, I hope he's really enjoying it."

Somewhere in the neither regions...You could hear, "No! No! Not again! Please! No! Stop! Why do I like this so much? Oh yes! More! More! More! Harder! Harder! Faster! Faster! More tentacles please and make them bigger this time!"

"Well, at least he got his happy ending, just like us. Come here kid and give your mama a hug!"

"Mommy!" Luke grabbed Faye and hugged her.

Suddenly that sad music from Excel Saga started playing, the room was painted in rainbow colors and sparkles and red roses. "You don't really love me!"

Faye smirked. "Spike is a spinister! Spike is an old hag! Spike is going to die a lonely old man surrounded by cats! Spike is a wicked old witch!"

Jet grabbed Faye by the neck. "Remember this Padme? If you make one more insult to Spike and his beliefs, I will kill you again!"

"H-Honey, remember The Three Fold Law! The Three Fold Law! Harm None! Don't get seduced by the Dark Side of the Force again, even if they offer you cookies!"

"Daddy! Don't hurt mommy!"

Jet lets go of Faye. "Sorry dear."

Suddenly Spike started sobbing heavily. "Everyone, I'll be on the Bebop in my room, slowly dying of a broken heart! Drowning in gallons of Ben and Jerrys!" Spike rushed off in shiny tears and Sakura petals.

Ed chased after him. "No, Spike! I'm sorry! I do love you! Pumkin! Sweetie! Hottie! I love you! Spike please come back!"

Luke Skywalker takes off the cloak. "Um, okay, you can get to work. And I thought my friends were crazy."

Jet points to Luke. "Um, what was with the cape?"

Luke grins at them. "Nothing, I don't wear a cloak of this color. This is actually a table cloth. I am just making fun of my old man. Oh, wait, you're my old man."

Jet takes Luke over his knee and spanks him. "I told you, no more making fun of me!"

"I'm sorry daddy! I'll never hurt you again!" Luke cries.

Faye scolds Jet. "Stop hitting him, you're making him cry!"

"Shut up woman! Or do you want to get choked again?" He hissed.

"Just be gentle, okay." She told him.

Back at Capsule Corp.

Vegeta comes back to Capsule Corp where he composed a note, he left it on the table in the kitchen. "B. Meet me in the garden at midnight. Love, V."

Then Vegeta heard a crash and some cursing, he went to see what the problem was.

Vegeta saw Inuyasha in the Library, holding a candle stick!

"Hey Inuyasha, what are you doing in my library with a candle stick?"

"Looking for Dragonballs."

"Oh, Okay." Vegeta hands Inuyasha a very heavy Shaw's paper bag. "There's all of them."

"Don't you need them?"

"Nope."

"What about immortality?"

"Fuck it, if we die, we die. No big loss, we get to hang out with Kanami and Ryuho and Kazuma and Mimori in that Summerland Place. This place is filled with movie palaces that never close and never get hit with wrecking balls. It also has some candy stores and a lot of fun stuff, not to mention beautiful fields and untouched beauty. Practically flawless. But the bad ones go straight to the Neither Regions for punishment, until Kanami decides what to do with the worthless carcasses. The Neither Regions is nothing but a barren field and it's filled with cineplexes, tentacled nasties, and one Startrucks that is always busy and overpriced."

"Um, okay, thanks." Inuyasha left the house. "I think Kakarott is trying to call you."

"Okay." Vegeta sits on the couch, he closes his eyes and chants. "Vegeta calling Goku, come in Goku. Vegeta calling Goku, come in Goku."

Vegeta is transported to a dark room where he is in full Saiyan attire dancing the Macarena. "La dee da da da."

"Vegeta?" Said the voice of Goku.

"Da dum dee dee."

"Vegeta!"

"Oh sorry, Your Niceness, I was doing a little dance called The Macarena."

"Ugh Vegeta, not that! That went out with Furbys, now shut up and get on with your report!"

"Well sir, I am in love!"

"In love? Don't tell me, my oldest friend, the Earth Woman known as Bulma?"

"Yes sir!"

"Then that kid from the future will be born."

"What was that?"

"Nothing, nothing Vegeta. Um, so when are you going to tell her?"

"Tonight sir."

"That's good, very good. Um Vegeta, isn't this a bit weird, we're talking like friends and I'm your superior."

"Well sir, I'm not a really a prince, our planet was destroyed a long time ago. So, it doesn't really matter, it's just a front I put up. You know, that stupid pride."

"Will you stop calling me sir, it's Goku."

"Yes, Sir Goku."

"No just Goku. Oh Lord Kazuma give me strength."

"Yes, Lord Goku."

"Stop that!"

"But you are a lord, you rule over a valley and you're married to a real princess. So that makes you, my boss!"

"Just go see Bulma! I have a restaurant to run!"

"Yes, my lord. Vegeta over and out, nanu-nanu!"

After that, Vegeta walked up the stairs to his room, then he saw Mara's door open. She was sitting on the bed, arms around her knees. She was chanting. "I'm not a Mary Sue." Over and over again.

Then Bulma suddenly came home, she went into the kitchen. Seeing the note she picks it up, "Vegeta."

Bulma hears his voice upstairs and quietly goes up.

Vegeta knocked on Mara's door as Bulma quietly watched and listened from around the corner. "Can we talk?"

Mara's door slid open, "Please have a seat." The door slid behind him.

Vegeta sat on a chair near her bed. "All right this is about Bulma."

Mara nodded; "I knew it! You do love her!"

Vegeta shushed her. "Yes, she's a fine and a pretty strong woman. She was strong enough to get me out of my shell. I love her, I really do, but I don't know what to say to her."

Mara back up. "I know how you feel Vegeta. I have been chasing the same man for years. I hated him at first, I even wanted to kill him. But as we got closer, I began to love him. You must trust in your feelings. Just tell her."

He stepped out of the room, "I see you."

Bulma came around the corner. "You don't miss anything, do you?"

Vegeta kissed her. "No I don't. Now come with me, there's something I must tell you in the garden."

Bulma took his hand; "I have to tell you something too.

I'm so happy I redid this one. The next chapter will have more mayhem!