Shinigami Kisses

A/N: I don’t own Yami no Matsuei

#29 – the sound of waves


Riptide


Another year. Another retreat.

They all thought he was a tightwad when it came to these things – not wanting to fork over the money so they could stay somewhere nice and have a good time. Despite the fact that it was his job to budget the money, it had nothing to do with money - he just hated these things. He hated going and pretending to be relaxed, pretending to be happy for the sake of the others. With Tsuzuki so close he was surprised he could smile and have it appear even slightly believable. So close and yet so far – isn’t that how the saying goes?

Last year they had gone to a Hokkaido hot springs resort, and although he did get to see Tsuzuki in all of his glory for one shining moment at the hot spring, the trip hadn’t really been his thing. This year he bit the bullet and booked a resort in Okinawa, right on the beach. He had to admit that the look on Tsuzuki’s face when they announced the location was almost enough to make the whole thing worth it. Almost.

The sun was setting, bringing the first day of vacation towards twilight. The beach was emptying out and the sound of the waves lapping against the shore was a beautiful sound. He sat and watched the last of the sunbathers pack it in and head towards the showers and probably dinner with a cocktail or two. He figured all of his coworkers were probably changing for dinner, and he should head in that direction, but he wasn’t quite ready yet. He didn’t feel much like dinner, or much like being social to be more accurate.

He looked down at his black dress shoes and thought about taking them off and walking down to the water when a voice startled him. “I swear Tatsumi, only you would go to the beach in a suit.”

Tatsumi looked up, surprised to find Tsuzuki standing next to him wearing a pair of loose fitting black swim trunks and a bright floral shirt. The shirt was unbuttoned and moving with the breeze, revealing glimpses of Tsuzuki’s naked torso, and making it hard for Tatsumi to concentrate. “I’m not wearing a suit.” He muttered irritably, knowing it was a lame retort. He was wearing slacks sure, but he was wearing a white dress shirt without a tie – he even had the first couple of buttons undone.

“Compared to everyone else you’re wearing a suit.” Tsuzuki moved to stand in front of him, looking up into his face with a warm smile. “I was thinking of taking a walk. Come with me.”

It wasn’t a question, nor a demand, but stated in the easy way that Tsuzuki had to make the world bend to his will. Tatsumi was opening his mouth to refuse out of habit when a gust of warm air ruffled their hair. Tsuzuki closed his eyes in response, tilting his head back and sighing with pleasure. That sight alone was enough to make Tatsumi’s heart pound. It was more than enough to make him forget to say no.

Tsuzuki opened his violet eyes, a lazy grin spreading on his face. “Please?”

Tatsumi nodded in response, averting his eyes and looking down at his shoes. Balancing himself on one foot, he slipped off a shoe and started to peel off his sock when the sand shifted and he listed. Suddenly Tsuzuki was beside him, grabbing him by the elbow and steadying him.

“Did you even bring shorts?” Tsuzuki asked, his voice teasing.

“If I didn’t have to spend all my time making sure all your needs were met then maybe I’d have time to change into shorts.” Tatsumi snapped, pulling away and taking off his other shoe.

Tsuzuki shrugged, responding in a mild tone. “Everything won’t fall apart if you take a few minutes to change – this is your vacation too.” He looked at the sand and waited for Tatsumi to finish, but Tatsumi could hear the hurt he had inflicted with his words. “What needs of mine have you met?”

Tatsumi was rolling up the legs of his pants when he heard the last part, and felt bad – he wasn’t purposefully trying to take his bad mood out on Tsuzuki. He set his shoes and socks on the edge of the boardwalk, and tried to force the sudden onslaught of indecent thoughts out of his head. Satisfied that his slacks would stay dry, he straightened up to find Tsuzuki kicking at the sand with his bare toes, eyes cast downward. Sighing and not trying to hide his budding annoyance, he tilted up Tsuzuki’s chin with his fingertips.

“Are you ready?” He forced a smile, letting his fingers linger for a moment against Tsuzuki’s skin.

Tsuzuki looked him up and down, and shook his head. “Almost.” Without saying anything more he pulled Tatsumi’s dress shirt out of his pants and started to unbutton it. Tatsumi opened his mouth to protest, but one look from Tsuzuki was enough to stop him.

“Doesn’t that feel better?” And it did. The wind was warm as it blew across his skin. He couldn’t argue with that. “Now I’m ready.”

They moved through the soft, loose sand – their bare feet sinking and soaking up the residual warmth from the day’s sunshine. After a moment they were walking across packed wet sand, their feet leaving perfect imprints to match their stride. They started down the beach along the edge of the surf, letting the coming tide wash under their feet. They walked in silence for quite a while, as the darkness gathered and the stars started to sprinkle across the heavens. There was only a sliver of a moon to light their way, but the growing darkness accompanied by the gentle slap of the water was soothing.

Tatsumi let himself relax as his body propelled itself down the shoreline. He could hear Tsuzuki’s easy breath next to him, and the splashing that his feet made when he walked in the water. He was the first to break the silence, when night had completely fallen and they were truly alone.

“Maybe we should head back…” Tatsumi whispered – somewhat surprised that he didn’t want to break the silence.

“Not yet.” Tsuzuki stopped walking suddenly, reaching out and grabbing Tatsumi’s wrist to hold him back. “I – I wanted to talk to you.”

Tatsumi turned, positioning himself to stand in front of the shorter man and trying to keep his expression calm. “So that’s why you brought me out here. What’s wrong now?”

“Nothing’s wrong, not really.”

“Is it Hisoka?” Tatsumi realized that Tsuzuki had yet to let go of his wrist, but made no move to pull away.

“No, it’s not Hisoka.” Tsuzuki released Tatsumi’s wrist and moved toward his hand, slipping his fingers into his palm. “It’s you.”

“Me?” Tatsumi’s voice sounded harsh. He was just about to pull away when Tsuzuki looked up into his eyes, and even in the scant moonlight he could see the worry there. Before he knew what he was doing, he took his free hand and cupped Tsuzuki’s cheek tenderly. “What did I do?”

“You think I don’t know, that I don’t see it.” Tsuzuki said softly, his eyes large.

“See what?” Tatsumi couldn’t hide his confusion; he had no idea where this was going.

“See how lost you are. See what you really want.” His voice was filled with sadness, and something close to longing.

“And what do I want?” Tatsumi’s voice grew as his pulse quickened.

“This…” Without saying anything else, Tsuzuki closed the distance between them and raised himself up on the balls of his feet. He pressed his lips against Tatsumi’s without demand, and made no move to pull away.

Tatsumi was stunned for a moment. In that instant his mind did what it did best – calculated and figured all the possible outcomes. The feel of Tsuzuki’s lips against his and the body that was so close to being pressed securely against him was enough to push rational thought aside. He stopped caring about what his mind thought was best, instead answering to what his heart and body wanted.

“Tsuzuki.” He whispered against Tsuzuki’s mouth as he wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him close. As soon as Tsuzuki’s body was pressed firmly against him, he returned the kiss, deepening it and losing himself.

It was the insistent presence of the incoming tide against their feet that brought them back to reality. They had been standing at the edge of the water when their lips first touched, and now the waves were slapping their ankles on the way towards land. They pulled away from each other, their lips swollen with their kisses and their faces flushed.

“What are we doing?” Tatsumi asked, pressing his forehead against Tsuzuki’s.

“What we’ve wanted to do for a long time.” Tsuzuki answered simply, keeping his arms locked around the other man’s waist and moving to rest his cheek against the smooth skin of his chest. “Please don’t tell me this is a mistake… please…”

Tatsumi’s mind had started to whir with the possibilities. Ignoring the doubt and insecurities that screamed at him, he just pulled Tsuzuki closer. “It’s complicated, but not a mistake.”

“Too complicated?”

“No.” Tatsumi pulled away enough to really look at Tsuzuki’s face, taking in all the contours and textures. “But I don’t think that this is really the place we should be ironing out the complications. They must be wondering where we are.”

Tsuzuki shook his head, a goofy grin lighting up his face. “Hisoka’s covering for me.”

Arching a questioning eyebrow Tatsumi sighed. “So Hisoka’s your partner in crime as well as work, huh? Please tell me he’s the only one who’s back at the hotel now thinking that you and I are out on the beach somewhere touching each other.”

Tsuzuki laughed, and at that moment Tatsumi realized it had been a while since he’d heard the man laugh – a long while. “Hisoka’s the only one, don’t worry.”

They linked hands and headed back the way they came. Tatsumi marveled on how holding Tsuzuki’s hand was almost electric, sending a pleasant feeling through him, but also just so right. They would have appeared casual to passersby but they were both wound up tight with potential.

The tide was rising, but they just kept walking straight, moving through the rising water, torn between being pushed towards shore or being tugged out to sea. It was like walking along the edge of possibility and knowing that anything was possible.