Golden Silence

Golden Silence

I do not own Gravitation and no money is being made from this work.

I also do not own Beck (The Mongolian Chop Squad). While there will be some interaction and some bleed over from that series, this is NOT a cross over. I just like to pretend that they all live in the same universe.

I’m sorry, please don’t be mad. I wasn’t going to start this story until I got some more work done on Twisting Fate, but this one just kind of ran away with me.

I don’t know anything about Japanese Sign Language, however I do know that American Sign Language is an abbreviated form of speech. I will not be taking this into account during that composition of this fiction. If anyone is offended by that fact then I apologize ahead of time. So keep in mind anything that Shuichi ‘says’ is what he means rather than what he would actually be signing.

Please bear with me here as this first chapter contains a lot of musing.

Chapter One

If someone were to ask I would tell them, “You can’t be a ‘has been’ if you weren’t ever a ‘somebody’.” Well that is what I would tell them if they asked, but no one ever asks because I’m an ‘almost was’ which is the same thing as a ‘nobody’.

I had the chance once, the chance to be a ‘somebody’, but I lost ‘it’. I lost whatever it was that drew people to me, which made them want to hear me. As far as my friends are concerned I lost my voice, but I know better. While it is true that I haven’t been able to speak for three years I know that what I really lost was my sparkle. That is what Ryuichi called ‘it’.

He tried to show me, but by the time I understood it was too late. I had lost my chance. ‘A day late and a dollar short,’ that is what the American’s say.

I always knew that I should have gone after Yuki, but I didn’t. He left and took my ‘it’ with him. I got caught up in my own fear, fear that I wasn’t good enough for him and fear that I wasn’t good enough for my music.

So the world moved on without me. Bad Luck is a big hit, but I am not part of it. Yuki Eiri is still a best selling author, but I’m not a part of his life either. I’m a ‘nobody’.

Because I thought I wasn’t good enough, I made sure that I really wasn’t. If only…

Yes, if only…

XXX

Shuichi actually felt that he was really lucky. How many mutes with no higher education and almost no job skills can find good jobs doing something they love? Yeah, he considered himself lucky, even if said luck was owed to someone like Seguchi Tohma. He may have hated the man, but he was still grateful.

After he lost his voice, Shuichi had nowhere to go. He had bet his entire future on Bad Luck. So Tohma had taken pity on him and found him something he could do and he was surprisingly good at it.

For that past three years Shuichi had been a tutor, a music tutor. He taught keyboard and synthesizer to other mute individuals through an organization that catered to the handicapped and disabled. He was able to enjoy his work and it gave his a sense of accomplishment.

The world outside moved on. At first Shuichi would often show up at Bad Luck’s concerts and smile sadly as he watched his friends grow father and father away. They had managed to find a good singer, one that Hiro and Suguru swore was only temporary until he got his voice back, but well…

Hiro used to look for him in every crowd. After the tour in America Shuichi stopped coming. Calls to Shuichi’s family let him know that the former singer was doing well and keeping busy, but Shuichi never did show up to their concerts again.

Hiro often wondered about his friend, but somehow neither of them ever found time for the other.

XXX

“No, I’m sorry. I have to work.” Yuiko frowned at Shuichi across the table. This was the third time he had canceled their trip. She had been trying to get him to go home with her for six months. Really after dating for a year was it a bad thing go want him to meet her parents?

“Shuichi, if you don’t want to do this anymore then say so,” she said, crossing her arms across her chest.

He looked up at her and bit his lip. Did he want to do this? Yuiko was a great person. She was kind, smart, pretty, and affectionate. He wanted to love her, really he did, but after a year with her he still felt… nothing. Slowly he lifted his hands and let his fingers form the words he was, for once, glad he couldn’t have said out loud. “I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m sorry.”

Yuiko sighed. She wasn’t surprised. She knew that there was a lot that she didn’t know about him, things he wouldn’t talk about. He flat out refused to discuss anything about the time when he had been almost famous. She could put the clues together well enough. He had been in love once. He had been in love with a man. The way he was in bed spoke loudly enough that he had no problem with women, but his heart was still absent. “Alright. I’m sorry too, Shuichi.”

She watched him scrub a few tears from his eyes. He was far too sensitive. She reached across the table and covered one of his hands with her own. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m not mad, not really anyway. I kind of suspected that you weren’t as serious about it as I was. I wont say that I’m not…” she paused and drew back, “upset, because I am. I do understand though.”

He looked up again and gave a watery smile. “Thank you.”

Yuiko fiddled with her chopsticks. It was one of those awkward moments that you’d like to avoid if you could. It was an amiable break up, but now what? “I’d like to say that we could be friends and maybe in time we can, but right now I think I need some space.”

Shuichi nodded and stood. He pulled out enough money to cover the bill and a large tip. After dropping the money on the table he paused just long enough to kiss the top of Yuiko’s head. It was his way of saying goodbye. He knew that they would never be friends. If he saw her again though at least maybe it would only be a bittersweet meeting.

XXX

A heavy mist lay on the ground as dawn slowly broke on the horizon. A last few stars valiantly held on to the vanishing night. His steps were slow and even across the dew-covered grass and for a few short moments he was able to lose himself in the peace that surrounded him.

Yet all things change. Too soon the crickets gave way to the morning birds and then the city came to life beyond the tree line of the park.

The serenity he had been enjoying once again went the way of the samurai. The ideal was not forgotten but still a thing of the past. Any peace found now was a temporary reprieve from the inherent chaos of day-to-day life.

That was why he had started to walk in the park in the wee hours of the morning. He needed the reprieve. It seemed a bit ironic that he of all people would enjoy solitude, but life has a way of changing people. He hadn’t been the same since… no it was best not to think of that or him. Yet his thoughts drifted to him anyway.

‘I’m not the man I was. Would you even know me now, Yuki?’

The alarm on his cell phone beeped, letting him know that it was time to go home and get ready for the day. He would be tired again, but sleep seemed to come to him less and less. His mother had taken to fussing over him when she saw him because of the dark circles under his eyes, but there was little he could do about it.

He didn’t deserve sleep or peace for that matter. He had taken too much joy from life and now he was paying the balance of his due. The only allowance he made were those few hours before dawn when he could forget.

XXX

Children are wonders to be sure, but Shuichi was ready to ring Shinta’s neck. The kid was probably one of the most talented people Shuichi had ever met and yet he put forth no effort.

Shuichi had repeatedly tried to explain to the boy that talent without hard work was talent wasted. The boy didn’t want to hear that of course. Like so many teenagers he thought that the world should be handed to him with no work at all.

Shuichi couldn’t ever remember being like that. Though he had neglected his studies he had always worked hard on his music. He could remember numerous arguments with his parents over the fact that he spent study time practicing instead.

All Shinta wanted to do was read manga, watch television, and play video games. Perhaps that wasn’t a bad thing in general, but for someone with the kid’s talent it seemed so wrong.

Unfortunately Shuichi couldn’t make Shinta want it and if Shinta didn’t want it then he would never try hard enough.

So Shuichi sat back and watched Shinta ‘practice’ as he scribbled various ideas for lyrics in a notebook. Why he bothered anymore was beyond him. He kept telling himself that he would never sing again, however that little voice in the back of his head told him to write them down anyway. Part of him still believed that if he tried hard enough, if he wanted it badly enough… then one-day… just maybe…

It was a fools dream, but then Shuichi had always been called a fool.

XXX

It was strange to be home after so long abroad. Almost four years had passed since he had last stepped foot in Japan. Despite his dark past there, Eiri had always liked America. He was able to blend into the crowd more easily.

He had also gotten a lot of work done. He had four new best sellers out and a fifth that would hit bookstores across Japan and America in the next month.

So why did he come back to Japan? Well there was one thing that Japan had that America could not replace. The absence of this one thing in his life grew more and more glaring with each day. It was something that he had come to greatly regret leaving behind. Now he was to the point that he felt he might cave in upon himself if he had to go without it much longer.

Eiri held his silver lighter in his hand for a moment after lighting his cigarette. The sticker was long since faded and warn almost beyond recognition, but Eiri knew the image by heart. That sweet face so full of love and joy in a picture taken the last day Eiri had ever seen the subject. This was what he was missing. This is what he needed.

He needed Shuichi back in his life. It was something he would never have admitted to before, but he loved the brat. He had thought that if he stayed away long enough the pain of loss would fade and he could get on with life as his usual solitary self.

How the little idiot had managed to bury himself so far under Eiri’s skin was a mystery to the author. He had once asked himself, ‘How can someone so small make such a big impact?’ Now he knew the answer, Shuichi was a force of nature.

He was one of those people that could draw the attention of an entire room just by smiling. It had taken a person that strong to get past Eiri’s walls. It had taken a smile that bright to keep Eiri from pulling the trigger on that gun.

Even as a picture Shuichi had managed to cause Eiri pause. It had been pause enough for Eiri to realize that Shuichi was the strong one. After all the singer had gone through something much like what Eiri had suffered and had not been that much older than Eiri was when it had happened. Still Shuichi’s only thought had been about protecting Eiri.

When Tohma had shown up in New York and confronted Eiri, the author had told him that he was staying. He had told his brother-in-law that it was time to stop running from his past. At that point Eiri was still waiting for the pain of leaving Shuichi behind to go away. He had still been convinced that the singer was better off without him.

Tohma had only been able to stay in New York long enough to see Eiri settled into an apartment before he had needed to return to Japan and his obligations as a band member and company president.

After that Eiri only heard from Tohma and his family infrequently. With constant reassurances that he was fine and having no further medical problems they let him be. When he did talk to them they all managed to conveniently avoid any conversation that might bring up Shuichi and so Eiri had heard nothing about the little singer. He couldn’t bring himself to ask outright.

So now that he was home again the first order of business he had in mind was to find out when and where the next Bad Luck concert was to take place. He would have Shuichi in his life again. He would hear that sweet voice.

More than anything else he wanted to do something that he had very little experience in doing. He wanted… no he needed to apologize. He owed Shuichi that much and so much more.

XXX

Like I said mostly musing. More than a prologue, but not quite a chapter, I almost called this the prologue and a half. Eh, anyway.

So please review and let me know what you think. I don’t think that this one will be updated that quickly, but you never do know really. Keep your fingers crossed. My computer has been fried so I am working on a browed one. I didn’t loose my work though (thank heaven for external hard drives) however I can’t get to this computer nearly as often.

I hope to have a chapter out for TF soon for those of you following that series. Anyway enough musing.

So? Too much? Not enough? There is more to come.