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Facing the World Alone	By : Michikaru Category: +G to L > Hikaru no Go Views: 3914 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Hikaru no Go, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
Story Warnings:
Language, graphic sexual content, graphic adult content, graphic adult
situations, major violence and angst, slight OOC on many of the characters� it
is also considered a Yaoi, meaning male and male sexual relationship.� You have been forewarned.

Side Note: The beginning is really long while progressing very
slowly and the sex is truly graphic, if you cannot
handle that, please do not read further.

Side Note 2: Do to the fact that I have many complaints (pussies), I have edit out the sexual content. If you are interested,
you can read this story (uncensored) on my aff.net. The link to the site can be
found on my profile.

Date posted: Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Edited: Taking applicants for a Beta!

Chapter Warnings: Language and angst.

Rated: Very Hard R to R (Do NOT read if you are NOT an adult)

Feed back: Highly recommended. I�ll even love you
forever!

Flames: Constructive criticism is advised. Do not simply state that it
sucks, will be condemned to hell, or that it lacks proper grammar and spelling.
I already know that. Advice is greatly appreciated (I do want to improve!). And
just to make a point, I already KNOW my
SPELLING and GRAMMER SUCK!!! If you are that hard up on it, don�t read this
story or don�t review. Another option is that you can simply apply for my beta
application. (As you can probably tell, this subject pisses me off the most).

Story setting: Continuation, Present.

Story Type: Angst, Romance, and Drama. Slight
action/adventure.

Disclaimer: Hikaru no Go belongs to Yumi Hotta and the publishers, Shueisha
and VIZ Media. This story/plot is however
mine. Do not
steal and/or borrow. �Reposting this
story under another name (like yours) is stealing� Please don�t do that to me.
I�ll cry. (Although, that would also be flattering.)

Pairings: Sai/Hikaru, Hikaru/Sai. Hikaru/OMC,
OMC/Hikaru ((Newbie Note: OMC stands for Own Male Character))

Summery: �What is
life without Sai?� Shindou had asked himself. The only answer he could come up
with was very simple, �There was no such life.� Not even the illusion of an
after life could stand up long. Not even Go could hold the burden of lost and
act as its substitute. �What is life when you have nothing to live for?� It is
nothing; obsolete.

Facing the World Alone

By: Mira Watanabe

:: Chapter One :: First person POV

Prologue: Turnings of Life

It was as if the world was waiting for the right moment to
attack. That was the greatest strategy of all; the element of surprise. And surprise
me it did. I felt as if the ground was swept away from my feet like a rug, and
I was left with nothing to stand on. I was falling and there was nothing to
grip onto. It was a hopeless feeling as the breath was stolen from my body. No,
it was wrenched from my body, taken away none too gently but cruelly indeed. I
was beyond crying in seconds. My heart neither bust nor did it shattered. It
vaporized like a drop of rain in the heart of the Sahara, in the zenith of
summer.

My mind spun and swirled before darkness enveloped me.
Unconsciousness denied me its bitter sweet comfort, but stole what it needed
and left me bare and abandoned.

�Abandon�

Abandoned, yes that is the word I�m looking for. I�ve been
abandoned in so many ways. The world has forsaken me along with my gods. They
have taken my hope and illusions of tranquility with them. I might have just
abandoned myself right along with them. Go has taken my happiness, thus it has
abandoned me. Life has take away the simple pleasures of living, thus it has
abandoned me as well. Even Death withholds its tempting embrace.

But what has hurt more than anything was being abandoned by
Fujiwara no Sai. That is where this whole story began, and Murphy�s Law reins
supreme.�

It hit me like a massive hammer right square between my
eyes. I was in the middle of title match when a deep and hollow loneliness
flooded past gates I was ignorant of having. I might have blacked out, even
fainted, but I will forever remember what happened next. Hell, I know the whole
country of Japan and everyone else across the hemisphere, would forever
remember the aftermath of this dark epiphany. My illusions, my hopes, and my
dreams where swept away with the tide. I didn�t take to well to this and might
have over reacted. Just a little bit.

I resigned from the Go world not to long after that.� It left everyone baffled and alarmed. Touya
Akira had his own tantrum soon after my own. To say he was displeased was like
saying the sun was big.

Life, it you want to call it that, was a blur later on. The
media was after me like starving hounds. There wasn�t a day I was left alone. People questioning, always
questioning. Hell, I would question it too. It was like I made this
decision out of the blue, on a childish whim. Maybe it was, but somehow I felt
that this, my break down, would have happened one way or another. As I said
before, it was biding its time� and it won.

I was left with nothing in the end. To the victor goes the
spoils; the bastard.

One would say I was on the bad side of the street months
after my little episode. I didn�t talk much and the general public thought I
had gone mute. Rumors gathered and died. Doctors and Psychiatrists came and
went, all the while labeling me as a lost cause. My parents worried, but soon
got use to my silence.

This period in time I would forever remember as the calm
before the storm, because that is exactly what it was. Eighteen months of
silence ended on my fifteenth birthday after an uneventful party. I was just
getting ready for bed and had stopped in front of the mirror because of one of
those flashes at the corner of your eye that can sometimes grab your attention.
It would seem that not everything entirely had abandoned me, for my imagination
was still intact. For the briefest of moments I could have sworn that Sai was
at my side again being his good, old, happy self. Imagination was a cruel
bastard stuck on torturing me. I could have dealt being an empty shell for the
rest of my life, but it seems I couldn�t have even that.

Some god must have really had a grudge against me.�

I screamed, not in fear but in anger. I screamed for
everything and nothing. I screamed at myself, for myself, and at the world. I
screamed without words because words failed me and there were no words needed.
I screamed for my helplessness and my selfishness. I screamed for and at all
the things that abandoned me. I screamed for hate and for love. I screamed long
and loud. I screamed until I couldn�t make a sound, and yet even then I wailed
silently. I think I gave my family a heart attack. The Shindou Hikaru everyone
once knew was dead, and in his place stood a bitter stranger wearing a cruel
smile.

He identifies himself by a single dark name �Shin,� or
Death. �Tis a cruel irony.

This wasn�t a case of split personalities. No, you need at
least two or more personalities inhabiting a body to be considered as such.
This was more of a case of change. Death and rebirth.
I have died, and in my place someone new has raised. No one mourned my death,
not even I. Nothing will ever be the same. �I was here, and now I�m done� so I
left my body to remain in remembrance.

Roam it indeed did. Shin was my total opposite. He was
everything I wasn�t and everything I could and wouldn�t be. Everything I
shouldn�t be. He was my shadow in every sense of the word. There was no
question why my family couldn�t put up with me, him. He was out of control.
There was nothing good about him. Nothing caring or nice.
He was cruel, he was selfish, he was a Juvenal Delinquent, and he was proud of
it, but there was nothing he did that was to be proud of.

He was the dark alley boy whom was mostly duct out in black
leather and studs.� He wore two silver
hoped earrings on the top of his right ear and a silver ball on the bottom loop
of his other. He wore no other jewelry. His outfit ranged from jacket, no
shirt, to self-restraining straps that cut into his skin with every movement,
also no shirt. He own but two types of pants: one regular and one with holes. The
holes weren�t there when he bought them, and he wasn�t the one to put them
there.

He carried with him seven different kinds of throwing knives
and one sleek, light weight, steel plated Browning. In the two years he had the
gun, he had to use it but twice. No one died, but one person was sent to
extensive care.

Juvy wouldn�t have him. Military
school wouldn�t have him. His parents wouldn�t have him. So he was stuck on his
own for two years, and two years just slid on by. He wasn�t sent to from foster
parent to foster parent. Hell, he sent a shrink retiring after three months of
therapy and that was the longest any one of them
held. CPS, Child Protective Services, literally kicked him out their front door
after eight months.

And yet, through all this, I� no, he still went to school
every day. For a reason we both knew not of. It wasn�t like he studied or paid
attention in class. Most of the time, the teachers forgot he existed.
Sometimes, I believe Shin went there to hide away from the world. Or maybe he
went there to show everyone he was still alive, even though that was fruitless
when people thought you were invisible.

Be that as it may, Shin went to school like the rest of the
teens his age. It was the last year of high school, senior year. I� he was now
seventeen. School was now my-- Shin�s resting time. When night came, our
morning started. Clubs and back ally walkways were Shin�s domain.

That was until my life turn around once more, two years
after Shin was born, and more than four years after Sai left me. It had all
started after a car accident� But we�ll get back to that soon.

Chapter One End: To Be Continued

Annoying Authors Notes:

Hi ya! Michi here with yet another
great story! I�m so happy! Ok, not really, but I do feel better enough to write
again� somewhat. For those whom are waiting for my Gundam Wing fan fiction
�Shinigami�s Stage: Behind the Jester�s Mask� to update, just wait a little
more. I know it has been a few months (Edit: Now it has been years!), but I�m
still peeved by a little mistake in the next chapter (Chapter 14). Mainly not
saving it and accidentally deleting it. That sucks big ass.

Welcome to my fist Hikaru no Go fan fic.
I hope you like it thus far. I do� somewhat.�

This story was inspired by cat_demoness_Lynx�s
�Seeing you again� and the age old question, �What happens after Sai is gone,
and what is Shindou like when he comes back?�

Personally I prefer the Akira/Hikaru pairing, but since I
like Sai/Hikaru paring almost as much and there are less fan fics on them I decided to make a make a Sai/Hikaru story.

So to all Hikaru no Go fan-freaks out there, I hope you
enjoy the beginning of �Facing the World Alone.� This story is dedicated to you
guys and gals. Yaoi rules. ((peace))

Until next time,

Ja ne!

Chapter Notes:

Shindou Hikaru� Shin� Shinigami� God of
Death.

�Shi� - end of life, death

�Shin� - core, heart, center.

�Shin--� - new

�Shinigami� - The God/Angel of
Death

P L E A S E

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