Slices of Life

Rating: M (but I anticipate higher later on)

If you have time, please review. Thank you!!

Note:Quite some time ago, I received an email from Serena, one of my faithful, asking me to write a Hiro/Kyo story for her friend's birthday (in February!) Possibly a Hiro/Suguru/Kyo story. She stared the wheels moving and I couldn't get the idea of a 'threesome chapter' out of my head and to top it off, I had a few emails asking me why Hiro was so angry in chapter 14 of Come What May.

Hey, the lightbulb over my head lit up. Why not take care of both? And tada! My 15 page drabble was born.

So here I am. The first chapter in Slices of Life the Epic of Life spinoff. It was hard though, first I had to get back into their heads. I had to have a lot of help from Jadeheart, Kri*Kri and Ashcat

Oops, almost forgot, Happy Belated Birthday, Marlene!

Slices of Life

Chapter 1
I Bet You’re Mad at Me


Don't justify
For what you are
And where you've been
For who you are tonight
So lonesome tonight

Make believe
Just hanging on
You're crazy
That's who are you tonight
All over tonight

Tell the world
You're still afraid
Been on this road too long

I bet you're mad at me
Can't you read my lips
I see your eyes of blue
What you want from me
It's not the way it should be
You've got the world to give
I gave you all my love
But you're mad at me

***********************

Hiro didn’t know why he was angry with Kyosuke, he just was. It might have something to do with the phone call from Kyosuke’s band member, that had seemed to be the trigger that set him off to begin with. Hiro knew that Kyosuke didn’t have any history with Tanaka other than through the band, but still…

He supposed his reaction might have something to do with the fact that his lover had apparently slept with every man in the world. Not to mention that he continued to flirt with everyone, constantly displaying his good looks and charm without even needing to draw attention to his amassed wealth in order to attract potential partners to his bed. No man should be so blessed. And it didn’t end there, oh no. Kyosuke was also kind, generous, and affectionate. Towards most people. The bastard.

It was because Kyosuke was fucking perfect, wasn’t it?

Hiro’s fingers struck a sour chord on his guitar.

Except that Kyosuke was not perfect. He was anything but perfect. He was arrogant, flighty, and superficial. Kyosuke was an unrepentant pervert with a very shady past. He was stubborn, irritating, and selfishly indulgent, he got everything he wanted and he’d never had to work for any of it. Kyosuke was spoiled and he’d never known pain of any kind.

This time the sound of the misplayed chord made Hiroshi’s skin crawl.

There was something wrong with his playing; his fingers were moving so sluggishly. Hiro lifted his fingers off the guitar neck and gazed at the bloody, sticky mess that were the digits of his left hand. When that had happened? He patted his guitar affectionately with his right hand, “Not to worry, Kitsune,” he said. “It’s not your fault, and I’ll clean you up right now.”

“You know,” the deep rumbling voice with the heavy accent, said behind him, “talking to your guitar is a bad sign, Hiroshi.”

He looked over his shoulder at the towering American. “Hey, K. How’re you this evening?”

“Hiroshi,” he said as he waved a first-aid kit in the air and set it down on a nearby stool. Then he drew his pack of cigarettes out of his shirt pocket. “It’s past midnight, evening is long gone.”

“Is it?” Hiro blinked at him.

“Your boys were worried sick about you.” He shook the pack and latched his lips around the filter of a single cigarette. “Kyosuke called me, asking me to be on the look out for you.”

Sighing, Hiro removed Kitsune from around his neck and placed her lovingly in her stand. Stretching his arms up over his head to get the kinks out of his shoulders, he pointedly ignored his manager.

“It’s beyond me why he didn’t check here, first,” K said as he pulled out his lighter and lit his smoke. Studying Bad Luck’s guitarist, he suddenly asked, “Or, did he?”

Hiroshi continued his silence as he picked up the first-aid kit with his undamaged hand.

“You know,” K continued, undaunted by Hiroshi’s lack of participation in the conversation, “if you are not careful, you are going to steal the title of Bad Luck’s emotional fuck-wit from Shuichi.”

Hiro finally spoke with the question, “Emotional fuck-wit?”

K took a drag and gave the guitarist a big smile, “We are still in England. And you know what they say, when in Rome…”

“You think I’m an emotional fuck-wit?” Gray eyes stared intently into blue.

Inhaling on his cigarette again the taller man answered easily, “Yes.”

“Why?” Hiro snapped, as he felt his anger rise. “Why do you say that?”

“What the hell is wrong with you, Hiro?” K asked as he stepped nearer. Leaning over, perhaps a bit too closely for Hiro’s comfort, K studied Hiro’s eyes before saying, “I’ve never seen you so nuts. I’ve seen you go after Yuki-san a few times in anger, but those were isolated instances. You used to be the constant, the steady one, but now you’re so emotional and unpredictable. I think you really are starting to crack.”

Hiro collapsed into the nearest chair with the first-aid kit in his hands and resumed his silent act. As he opened and rummaged through the box, he considered that had already cracked. If K noticed it, he wondered if everyone else could see it, too.

“Of course, you were subjected to Ryuichi for a while,” K continued as he straightened up again. He reached for a chair and pulled it close to his musician, sliding into it backwards so he could place his arms on the back of the chair. “It’s my opinion that Ryuichi could make anyone go mental. And let us not forget what Shuichi did to you. It’s probably the emotional damage you took from those two that has resulted in your current insanity.”

“That’s not it.” Hiro answered, but gave no further hints as to what was bothering him. Breaking open an alcohol wipe, he went to work cleaning the blood off his hands. “I really don’t want to talk about this, K.”

“I am your manager, Hiroshi,” K gave him a soft smile. “I also consider you a friend. You can tell me what’s going on, you know.”

“A friend, huh? Sure you do.” Hiro sounded anything but convinced as he hissed with the sting of the alcohol on his tender fingers.

“Look, your boys aren’t the only ones worried about you,” K explained, drawing on his cigarette once again. “I’m worried about you, too. Just look at your fingers! You only do that when you are really out of your mind.”

“You’re only worried because of the tour,” was the sarcastic answer as he surveyed the damage. There wasn’t much blood, but there was no doubt that his fingertips would be sensitive for a few days.

“Well,” K smiled at him. “I’d be lying if I told you that wasn’t part of it, but come on, you have to admit after five years together, it’s not unreasonable that I would consider you a friend. Now seriously, what’s going on in that twisted head of yours?”

Hiro stared at the other man, weighing his words, looking for falsehoods. Finally, satisfied that K was sincere, he said, “What’s going on is… complicated.”

Encouraged by Hiro’s sudden response K began again, “Is it being in a threesome? Because I suppose that would be extremely complicated. It’s also kind of… well, I mean… it’s weird. That’s saying a lot, because I’ve been Ryuichi’s manager so I’ve been exposed to a lot of weird things.”

In spite of himself, Hiroshi started to laugh. “No, it’s not being in threesome. Not exactly, anyway.”

K leaned his head back, blowing out smoke from his cigarette. When he faced Hiroshi again he said, “It’s Kyosuke, isn’t it?”

The guitarist glared at him.

“Yeah, I knew it,” K nodded. “He’s too much for you, isn’t he?”

Shaking his head and sighing, Hiroshi answered, “He’s a lot, I’ll give you that.”

“Yep. A gay, pretty boy with a wild past and gangster connections has to be a lot for poor, innocent, trusting Hiroshi.”

“I’m not all that innocent, K,” Hiroshi reasoned.

“Oh, I think compared to Kyosuke, you might be,” K replied with a smile. “Is that what’s on your mind, his… um, varied and colorful past?”

“Not really. Well, maybe. Sometimes, yes,” the dark-haired man explained.

After a moment K continued, picking his words very carefully. “I get the feeling he doesn’t usually hang around too long in relationships. But with you and Suguru, he seems to have dug in. Maybe he thinks of you as the real deal, Hiro.”

Hiro shifted in his chair, looking away from his manager.

K took another deep drag of his cigarette and smiled. “Ah, I see. So that’s the real problem, isn’t it? He really does love you and after the last year of hell, you don’t know how to deal with it.”

Hiroshi pulled out his own cigarettes and lit one. He continued to gaze off into a corner, after a moment he smiled fondly as he changed the subject. “You know, the first time I met Kyosuke, I hated him. He walked in as if he owned the place and everyone practically fell to their knees in worship of him. I never did understand it, he seemed to have so little substance to him, and he was so superficial, so empty. And then when he zeroed in on Shuichi, all I could think of was that he was like a wolf picking off the weak and wounded of the herd.”

“Ouch! Well, I guess I can see that, he can be hard to take and he did take an immediate interest in our emotionally battered singer,” K nodded in agreement. “He’s very sure of himself.”

“Sure of himself? That’s an understatement if I ever heard one,” Hiroshi laughed with sarcasm. “I never thought I’d come to like him much less be in a relationship with him.”

“Things were very trying for all of us in those days,” K put out his cigarette in a nearby ashtray. “You, as I recall, were still dealing with your relationship with Ayaka.”

‘Yeah, although we were coming apart rapidly,” Hiro gave his manager a melancholy look. “I really can pick them, can’t I? I mean, look what happened with her, too. I never could be what she wanted me to be, and in the end, by blatantly picking Shuichi over her, I was rather cruel to her.”

K smiled again, “Oh, I wouldn’t take all the credit for that breakup if I were you. It was clear that a pop-star husband wasn’t what her family had in mind for her and she didn’t seem to have the nerve to fight them on it.”

Chuckling, the dark-haired man agreed, “Yes, there was that to deal with as well. Her father hated me.”

“I would too, if you were dating my daughter, or my son. Especially, my son,” he patted his trusty gun in emphasis. “Besides, you shouldn’t worry for Ayaka, she’s very happy now.”

Hiro sighed sadly. “I hear she married a doctor. Ironic, isn’t it? Well, she deserves happiness after being with me. All I managed to do was complicate her life.”

“I see,” K smiled again. “You wish to wallow in self pity. I guess that makes it easier to avoid the true point of this conversation.”

“Which is?” The guitarist glared at his manager.

“Your alarming tendency towards emotional fuck-witism,” K explained.

“K,” Hiro smiled, “I don’t think that fuck-witism is a proper term.”

“You reign in that big brain of yours, pretty boy, and quit dodging the issue,” K snapped in return.

“Which is?” Hiro repeated.

“Well, first, let’s talk about Suguru. I get the feeling he’s not the problem for your current emotional state. Correct?”

Hiro smiled gently as he said, “Being with Suguru is a dream, K, and it always has been. Going from friends to lovers with Suguru seemed like a natural progression. No surprises and no learning curve.”

Raising an eyebrow, K eyed Hiroshi with suspicion. “Now, there had to be some sort of learning curve, I thought he was a virgin. At least with men, anyway.”

Clearing his throat at the question, Hiro answered sternly, “I will not discuss that aspect of our life, K.”

“Discuss, no. But you will let me and just about anyone else watch.” K grinned at him.

Hiroshi sighed, “Yeah. Kyosuke does something to me. Suguru, too. He makes us act crazy sometimes.”

“He makes you?” K laughed in disbelief. “What’s he do, get his thugs to hold you down? Or does he force drugs on you to make you crazy?”

“No,” the guitarist had to chuckle. “You’re right, K, it does sound absurd when I say it out loud.”

“Maybe you’re just over-thinking the situation. Maybe it’s simpler than that.”

“Really?” Hiro continued to smile. “Well, let’s hear what you have to say, K.”

“I think I know you fairly well, Hiro,” K tipped his head at the musician and gave a wry smile. “One thing I know for certain about your basic make up is that you can be amazingly stubborn and you can’t be forced into doing things you don’t want to do. Maybe a better explanation is that Kyosuke has managed to get past your defenses and maybe he sees things in you that the rest are unable to see. Maybe he’s tapped into a part of your personality that even you didn’t know existed.”

Hiroshi paused as he considered K’s observation. The truth was, even though he didn’t want to admit it, he had been considering something very similar of late. With every other relationship, Hiro had been able to retain a final barrier so that, when things got intense with his lovers, he could separate himself from the situation and analyze it. It was part of his character, being able to step back and review. That didn’t mean he always made the correct choices, but at least he could keep a part of himself detached and safe. This situation entirely was different. Kyosuke had insidiously waltzed past all of his defenses before Hiro was even aware of it.

His lover seemed to know everything about Hiro, down to his deep dark secrets and his freaky, kinky side, the parts of himself that even Hiro himself had denied. Kyosuke’s gentle approach had lulled Hiroshi into complacently and suddenly, the man could read him so easy that there was nowhere safe inside to seek refuge. He found his vulnerability terrifying and he fiercely resisted his feelings. To add to his fear and confusion was the knowledge that Hiroshi’s weakness was not a unique situation for Kyosuke; his lover had the ability to read other people just as easily as he could read Hiro.

Hiro had foolishly wanted to be someone special to Kyosuke, and he had wanted it more than anything else in the world. It made him furious and helpless with jealousy to realize that he was not extraordinary for his lover and the constant parade of Kyosuke’s past conquests quickly destroyed all of his hope of being something exceptional.

How could he allow someone such as Kyosuke, someone so flighty and capricious, into his heart? Yet, Kyosuke was already in his heart, and Hiro had let him in. Even worse, Hiro had wanted to let him in.

“Maybe you’re just in love, Hiroshi.” K’s voice brought him out of his musings.

Taking a final drag from his smoke and then crushing it out, he answered, “Huh. That’s what Shuichi says.”

“Wow,” K grinned again. “Taking love advice from Shuichi? You are screwed up, Hiroshi!”

“Yeah,” he agreed as he shook out his long hair.

“Do you love Kyosuke?”

There was no hesitation as Hiroshi answered quickly, “Yes.”

Those blue eyes held the guitarist’s gaze. “And you don’t have any question about it?”

“None, unfortunately,” he emphasized his reply with another shake of his head.

"Okay, let me get this straight, er, maybe straight isn't the right word for your particular situation."

Hiroshi rolled his eyes at the bad joke.

K continued with a grin. "Let me reiterate, you love both of them. Suguru is like comfort food, what you need to keep you centered and whole. And Kyosuke is... what? The decadent desert you probably shouldn't have but you just can't resist? It sounds as if he's the problem."

"He's not the problem. I'm the problem. I can't bring myself to trust him."

"Why?"

Hiroshi laughed humorlessly in response. "How can you even ask that question? Let’s start with Shu, shall we? He loved Shuichi. Now he says he doesn't think he ever was in love with Shu, but that he was in love with the idea of being in love."

K shrugged. "You know, I can see that and I don’t think it’s much of a stretch. Shuichi is a very passionate person. Who doesn't want someone to love them the way he loves Yuki-san? Besides, as I recall, you wanted Shuichi's love as well, at one time."

Nodding, he answered, “I don't begrudge Kyosuke for wanting Shu, but I do wonder about his chameleon-like shift in position. But what if he's only saying he was never in love with Shu just to pacify Suguru?"

"Suguru? What?" Shaking his head, the American said, "You lost me there, buddy. Why is Suguru suddenly part of Kyosuke's questionable love for Shuichi?"

"Suguru is insanely jealous over Shuichi."

"Ah. Well, that does make sense, then. Sort of," K sighed. "Keeping up with the three of you is difficult. So, let's sum up, shall we? You don't trust Kyosuke because he changed his tune concerning Shuichi."

"And the fact that he's a man whore."

"All right, so that's two against him. He’s a slutty chameleon, right?"

"Yeah. That would be him."

"Is he still sleeping around?" K asked quietly as he studied the other man.

"As far as I know, he's not," Hiroshi answered and sighed.

"If he was, I would say you need to dump his sorry ass. You don’t need to put up with that."

“K…”

“I mean it, Hiroshi,” K’s blue eyes drilled in to gray. “You could have anyone you wanted.”

Tipping his head to the side and smiling, Hiro answered, “You need to be careful, K. You sound as if you are coming on to me.”

K looped his arms over the back of the chair and stared into Hiro’s eyes, “And if I was, what would you do about it?”

Hiro felt trapped as K's penetrating blue eyes held him riveted. “I…” Finally, he broke out of the trance and snapped, “Stop kidding around, K!”

The American burst into laughter. “Don’t worry, I know you don’t feel that way about me.”

“Whatever,” Hiro said dismissively. “I should have known better than to try to talk to you.”

"Oh, settle down," K continued to chuckle.

Hiroshi glared at him.

"Is Suguru jealous of Shuichi over you, too?" Lighting up another cigarette he met Hiroshi's suspicious stare. "Look, Hiro, I need to know what emotional fall out I'm up against here. I am your manager, after all."

"Yeah," the guitarist nodded. “Suguru is very jealous.”

"So is he likely to attack Shuichi?"

This time Hiro's laugh was genuine. "No. He's more likely to attack Kyosuke or me. Besides, if you are speaking of fist fights, Shuichi is quite capable of taking care of himself."

“That is true,” K laughed along with him.

After a few moments of silence, the American asked, “So… are you still in love with Shu?”

“What?” Hiro was confused by the question, hadn’t they already gone over this?

“Well, you are complaining about Kyosuke’s actions, but it did cross my mind that you fell in and out of love with Shuichi rather rapidly yourself, didn’t you?”

“Yeah,” Hiro answered, as he looked way. “I did. But that was different. He didn’t want me, and he made it very clear. I do still love him, you know. I always have and I guess I always will.”

Nodding K said, “You know, that was when Shuichi totally lost it. I think hurting you was what put him over the edge.”

Hiro sighed with his agreement. “Shu’s downward spiral was too coincidental for me to deny that I didn’t have a role in it. I shouldn’t have ever put him in that position; I shouldn’t have pushed myself on him as I did. I took advantage of his fear, after Yuki and Kyo both deserted him, he must have been desperate that I would abandon him, too. I can see that now, but at the time… I just wanted to make him better. I just wanted to love him.”

“And you got your teeth kicked in for it,” K replied. “I’ve got to tell you, Hiroshi, that episode between you and Shu was not fun to be part of. I thought Suguru was going to have a breakdown, of course, he probably would have had to get in line behind the rest of us.”

“I really am sorry, K,” Hiro said.

“What are you sorry for? Sometimes things work out and sometimes they don’t, that’s what life is all about.” He gave Hiro a reassuring smile before adding, “Besides, you are the one who took the brunt of the abuse. Who would have ever guessed that Shuichi would turn into such an asshole?”

“Yeah, he was that for a while. But, then again, he had a really good teacher.” Looking up into those blue eyes he said, “I’ll deny that I ever said this if you repeat it, but it’s probably a good thing that Yuki came back. I think one of us would have killed Shuichi eventually if he hadn’t gotten back in control.”

“I find it more reasonable that he would have killed himself. He wasn’t thinking very sanely right then,” K sighed. “I’m glad that seems to be over. At least for the moment.”

“As long as Yuki doesn’t flake out on him again,” Hiro added. “When I think about those two, I think I’ll keep my slutty chameleon.”

K nodded and took a deep drag before he said, “There’s something else I’d like to ask, but I’m afraid I’m pushing my luck.”

He was tired but he answered, “Go ahead, K.”

“What about your feelings for Ryuichi?” K asked with care. “You seemed to have gotten over him pretty fast, too. Although, I have to tell you, I was certain that was doomed from the start.”

“There was someone else he… I mean, him and me we didn’t, there wasn’t any…” Hiro looked back at the American to see the wide grin. “Damn it, K, quit screwing around with me!”

“I’m not screwing around with you,” K replied as he continued to grin. “But occasionally maybe you need to remember that you have a questionable, rocky past, too. Don’t you think that gives Kyo and Suguru cause for concern from time to time? Maybe, possibly, your past relationships might make them feel a little vulnerable?”

That simple statement and question hit Hiroshi like a ton of bricks and for a moment, he found himself speechless. Kyosuke vulnerable? Was that even possible? Suguru’s vulnerability was understandable, he’d had to listen to Hiroshi go on and on about his relationships with Shuichi and Ryuichi as well as Hiro’s earlier troubles with Ayaka. In hindsight, Hiro had treated Suguru almost as bad as Shu had treated Hiro.

But Kyosuke? He shook his head with the absurd thought. “Suguru, yeah, I can see that,” he finally answered. “But I don’t think vulnerable is a word that applies to Kyosuke.”

“Really?” K tipped his head and narrowed his eyes. “He’s that impenetrable is he? Are you positive he’s so sure of himself, because I get the genuine feeling he’s kind of lost trying to grasp the whole relationship thing?”

“K,” the guitarist warned.

“Hey, I’m just checking, but you would know more about it than I would, of course. Kyosuke must be one cool dude then if your past doesn’t ever affect him.”

Hiro exhaled deeply. Kyosuke did know about Hiro’s past, he’d made a point of being very attentive about it. He was very conscientious about Hiro’s feelings of insecurity and Kyosuke worked hard to ease Hiro’s massive fears. But at the moment, Hiro was angry with his lover, and he intended to remain angry, so he was not inclined to give Kyosuke credit for anything. Instead, Hiro settled for glaring at the American.

“All right, I'll change the subject a little,” K nodded with smile. “You’ve told me about what scares you about him, so now why don’t you tell me what is it about your gangster boyfriend that keeps you around?”

Hiro wasn’t sure what K was up to, but in spite of his initial suspicion, his thoughts immediately drifted to his green-eyed lover. "For a long time, I thought Kyosuke was an arrogant, narcissistic ass."

"Maybe because that is what he is," K answered.

Despite his anger at his lover, Hiro found himself smiling, as he continued, "Well, he is very in love with himself. But there is another side to him as well."

K hid his own smile behind his hand as he took another drag from his cigarette. "Is there? You mean there is more to Inoue Kyosuke than just his self-adoration?"

"Remember how persistent he was with Shu?" Hiro reminded the other man. "None of us could get through to Shuichi, but somehow Kyosuke managed."

"Yep, Shuichi almost withered away on us with his grief over Yuki-san," K sighed. "Kyosuke did charm the little runt out of his funk."

"He did more than charm Shu, K, he saved him." Shaking his head the guitarist continued, "Kyosuke has this odd noble streak in him that confuses me."

"He's an anti-hero," K nodded in agreement.

"What?"

"He's the guy in the movies that you are never sure you like at the beginning. Then you find out he's really a good guy and he becomes the hero and he gets the girl. Except in your case, of course, he got the boy. I mean boys," K grinned at the other man. “You guys are so confusing.”

"Try being on the inside," Hiroshi answered.

"You know, Hiro," K began as he took another drag from his nearly finished cigarette. "I've been around Kyosuke a lot lately, dealing with tour details. He may be an egotist with a checkered past, but there is no doubt of how he feels about you. He seems a little confused about the relationship process from time to time but when he talks about you..." K gave the dark-haired man a melancholy smile. "He lights up."

"Really?" Hiroshi asked, still cautiously concerned he was being teased.

"Really. His feelings for you make me quite envious."

"K..." Hiro smiled tolerantly.

"He's outside waiting for you, you know."

The guitarist blinked at him. "What? You said he was out looking for me! And went so far to say you wondered why he didn't check here first."

"True enough. But if you think back, I also said that maybe he had checked here first. He called me, and asked me to talk to you, although I think it really bothered him." K stood up and smirked. "I think he's jealous of me."

"No, K. Kyosuke doesn't have a jealous bone in his body," Hiro sighed.

"Sure he does, he just didn't know it until recently. You're a learning curve for him, too, Hiroshi. Why don’t you occasionally give him some credit for trying? Now I’m going back to the hotel. Don’t keep him waiting all night, okay?"

With those words, K winked at the guitarist, turned on his heel, and walked away.


As he picked up Kitsune and cleaned off the blood, Hiro wondered what to do. How long had Kyosuke waited for him? It wouldn't be the first time he had left the studio to find his lover waiting for him. How long would Kyosuke do that before he grew tired of waiting patiently, before another person came along who wouldn't make him run after them?

"I wonder if this is what Shuichi feels for Yuki-san," he sighed as he placed and secured Kitsune in her titanium home.

"Do you mean overwhelming, earth-shattering, uncontrollable love?" Kyosuke said softly from the doorway. "It's terrifying, isn't it?"

Hiro's eyes met those stunning, emerald eyes and for a moment, he couldn't breath. "I'm still mad at you," he finally replied.

"It seems as if you're always mad at me," Kyosuke answered tiredly as he entered the room. “You know that Tanaka is a member of my band, Hiroshi. And I would appreciate it if you didn’t assume things about me.”

Hiroshi’s anger reignited with the gentle scolding. Yes, he knew Tanaka was a member of Suspended Animation, but how many times had Hiro answered the phone or the door only to meet one of Kyosuke’s former lovers? Tanaka’s voice on the phone only served to remind Hiro of that scenario. How dare Kyosuke not know how frightening that was for him?

“I spoke to K outside. He seemed to think you might be ready to come home soon.”

“Home?” Hiro said. “What home?”

“Our home, Hiroshi, where Suguru is waiting for both of us,” Kyosuke said gently but sternly. “Are you ready?”

“I told you,” was the curt reply. “I’m still angry with you.”

Reaching out and capturing a strand of the reddish-brown hair, Kyosuke stared keenly at his lover before he continued softly, "You know, it was never my intention to complicate your life by loving you, Hiroshi.”

Hiro caught his breath, so Kyosuke did know what his fear was. Of course he did. Kyosuke knew much of the time what Hiro was thinking and sometimes it was unnerving. Hiro felt is was almost too much for him to take and sometimes he would run – sometimes internally and sometimes physically.

Kyosuke added, “I’m still trying to figure out how we can be together without causing you to feel insecure and angry."

"Are you saying you don't want to be with me?" the guitarist hissed at him, his anger blossoming to full fruition.

"No," Kyosuke said with a hint of a smile. "That's not what I'm saying."

"How can you smirk at me and not expect me to be angry?" Hiroshi fired back.

"It's not a smirk," the green-eyes sparkled with merriment. "It's a smile. You always make me smile."

"Save it for someone who buys your charm, Kyosuke," Hiro was certain that his eyes were full of fury.

"You are so hot when you are in a mood," Kyosuke teased as he moved closer to him. “My stormy Hiroshi, who knew you were so full of passion?”

Hiro stood and glared at his boyfriend. "I told you I am still mad at you."

"I don't care," Kyosuke said as he reached for Hiro only to have his hand swatted away. Kyosuke grabbed his lover's arms and propelled Hiroshi backwards and against a wall. He caged the angry Hiro there as he announced quietly, "Now, behave or I'll take you home and have Suguru give you a spanking."

Hiroshi had to catch his breath at the words, as an image of an authoritative Suguru clutching a riding crop drifted into his head. He swallowed involuntarily as he looked deeply into Kyosuke’s green eyes, seeing his own lusty thoughts reflected there. What was wrong with them? Quickly, he reigned in his imagination and crossed his arms, staring defiantly at his lover. "What do you want, Kyosuke?"

"What do I want? I want you, Hiroshi," Kyosuke sighed as he took Hiroshi's left hand in both of his. He lazily stroked the back of that talented hand with thumbs, carefully avoiding the damaged and throbbing fingertips. Gazing deep into his Hiro’s troubled grey eyes he added softly, "I want us to find a way for you to be happy with me. I want you to trust me."

"What?" Hiro said in exasperation.

"I know," Kyosuke said quietly as those penetrating green eyes softened as they bored into him. Moving closer he slowly placed his forehead against Hiroshi’s. "I know I'm a little intense for you, I don't mean to be. But know this, Nakano Hiroshi, I won't let go of you."

Hiro rolled his eyes and tried to pull away.

"Please, Hiroshi," Kyosuke held fast. "I need for you to not run away from me. Not now, not anymore. Please."

Hiroshi stood like a statue, torn between his lover’s pleading voice and his own anger. "Let go."

"No. I won't," Kyosuke sighed, holding the rigid body of his lover close. "I can't make you trust me, Hiroshi. But you need to give us time before you give up."

"Give up?" The guitarist answered. There was something openly unguarded and completely revealing in Kyosuke’s tone of voice. Hiroshi, confused by his lover’s uncertainty, asked, "Is that what you think I'm doing? Giving up?"

"I don't know," the taller man sighed with partial relief as he felt Hiroshi relax into him. "I really don’t know. You close yourself off from me so much, sometimes I'm not sure."

“What are you talking about?” Hiro snapped. Kyosuke already knew everything about him, didn’t he? How could his lover say something so ridiculous?

“How do I keep you? How can I make you happy? How do I convince you that you are important to me? I don’t know what to do, Hiroshi. I know you feel my words are cheap,” Kyosuke pulled back, and held Hiroshi’s face between his hands, his green eyes were serious and pleading. “I need you to tell me, please, what can I do to keep you?”

"Kyosuke...” Hiro fought a rising tide of doubt, what was happening? Kysouke didn’t act like this. He didn’t plead and ask for help.

“Come on, Hiroshi,” Kyosuke said. “Tell me what’s going on.”

Hiroshi inhaled deeply before he answered, “There are times when I don't know what to do. Times when I’m afraid, times when I think you might disappear.” He sighed as he continued, “I think… maybe I’m scared. I don’t want to let you in only to have you leave me.”

"I won't leave you, Hiroshi," Kyosuke explained. "I need you too much."

"You?" The dark-haired man pulled back with a dry chuckle. "You don't need anyone." It was true, Kyosuke had lived his life as a drifter and he was quite capable of being alone. Hiro seemed to have a knack, or perhaps misfortune was a better term, of choosing lovers that didn’t need him. When the dust settled on his previous disastrous relationships, it was always Hiroshi standing alone and licking his wounds.

Kyosuke’s voice hardened as he said, "Do you really know so little about me? After everything we’ve been through together, how is that possible? Why can’t you trust what you feel about me."

"Trust? How do I do that?" The guitarist stood up straight, his storm colored eyes bright with challenge. "I trusted Shuichi, my best friend for fifteen years, and what did that get me? I trusted Ryuichi's smooth lines about the two of us being perfect together in heartbreak. They were all words meant only to deceive me. Everything I believe in turns into lies. That's why I can't believe you."

Kyosuke blinked at him. "Are you saying that if you believe me, what I say becomes a lie?"

"Yes," Hiroshi answered.

"But that doesn't even make sense."

Hiro’s frustration was clear as he almost shouted, "It doesn't have to make sense; it's the way I feel! Feelings aren't always rational, you know."

Kyosuke nodded in agreement, "That’s true, I shouldn’t have said that.”

Clamping his mouth shut, Hiro glared at Kyosuke.

“You trust Suguru, don't you?"

"Yes," Hiroshi answered.

"How much?"

"Implicitly."

"Look, I know he doesn't have the... interesting past I have, Hiroshi, but other than that, why do you trust him and not me?"

Those green eyes latched onto gray and held Hiroshi fast, delving deep, invading his soul. He fought the intrusion, but welcomed it as well; his contrary feelings waged the ongoing war inside him. He feared Kyosuke’s hold on him, but also feared his lover might give up on him. His confusion washed over him, if he could just tell Kyosuke what was on his mind, it might solve a multitude of problems, but part of him resisted. Finally, all he could say in answer was, "I don't know..."

"Suguru trusts me," Kyosuke said. “If you trust him and he trusts me, what’s the problem?”

"But you don't trust him," Hiro answered.

"You're right, again," he answered with a sigh as he sat down in a nearby chair. “You’re always right, Hiroshi. You have an amazing ability to see right through me; you see the chinks in my armor. It’s one of many reasons why I love you.”

Hiro was speechless over Kyosuke’s confession. Wasn’t the Kyosuke the one who saw through Hiro?

Kyosuke leaned his head back, and looked at the ceiling before he said, “You know, when I was a kid, I used to chase after rainbows. Did you ever do that?”

“Yeah,” Hiroshi answered.

Tipping his head to the side to make eye contact with Hiro he continued. “While you are running, there always comes a point when you reach an epiphany and you realize that no matter how fast or how long you run, you’ll never reach the rainbow. Is that what’s happening with us? Will we never be able to reach one another?”

Hiro felt his heart miss a beat and he shook his head.

"I don't know what to do, Hiroshi,” Kyosuke’s voice broke but he continued. “You know more than I do about relationships, so explain it to me. It doesn't have to make sense but give me something to work on. Tell me what I need to do to keep us together. Tell me we will be together, please."

Nakano Hiroshi stared at his lover, startled by the sudden loss of confidence. Kyosuke was normally so filled with bravado; it was easy to forget he had his own emotionally devastating past to deal with. Kyosuke had possibly dealt with more pain than any of them had. How could jealousy and abandonment compare to watching your lover die? And now Kyosuke was pleading for help? Hiroshi berated himself internally; he was selfish not to see that Kyosuke was terrified himself.

Hiro grabbed a chair and hastily pulled it close to Kyosuke's, sitting so that their feet and their knees interlocked. After a quiet moment he finally said, "Kyosuke, there are some things you can't fix. Sometimes people just need to work things out for themselves."

"Are you telling me there's nothing I can do?" Kyosuke asked shakily.

"That's right," tentatively, Hiroshi touched Kyosuke's long, blond hair. "K's right, you are in uncharted waters, aren't you?"

Tipping his head to one side, a small smile tugging at his lips, he answered, "Isn’t it obvious? I’m so pathetic over this whole relationship thing. It’s been a long time since I’ve let anyone get this close to me. It makes me feel... weak, desperate, and afraid. But I'm also content and unbelievably happy, Hiroshi. It's a very odd set of conflicting emotions."

"It is," Hiro agreed as he lazily looped the blond strands around his fingers.

Hiro leaned closer and Kyosuke watched him with curiosity, but did not move, he did not grab at his lover the way he normally would nor did he undress Hiroshi with his eyes. Instead, he patiently waited, he was clearly hoping for more but at this point, he seemed to fear Hiroshi’s withdrawal if he did.

Bad Luck’s guitarist realized that Kyosuke needed Hiroshi to make things better. Usually, Kyosuke was the one to smooth over their troubles, working hard to bring about resolution and peaceful coexistence. Now, however, a reversal in their roles was happening and surprisingly, Hiroshi found he relished his sudden control in the situation.

Additionally, he also was suddenly aware of how the heat from Kyosuke’s long leg was transferring to his own. They were so close to one another that he could smell his lover’s clean scent. He was amazed that Kyosuke hadn’t grabbed at him.

Hiro nodded with a sly smile as he settled in nearer, sliding his unoccupied free hand up the inside of Kyosuke's thigh, "I'll tell you a secret, Kyo-chan, sometimes, you have to let the one you are chasing, chase you."

His breath quickened but Kyosuke kept his body still.

Hiro leaned forward far enough to whisper in his lover’s ear, rewarding Kyosuke by saying, “Good boy.” He could feel the other man shiver as he pulled back to stare into those emerald colored eyes.

Kyosuke obediently kept his hands where they were, and innocently asked, "Are you seducing me, Nakano-san?"

Hiroshi closed the distance between them again, holding his lips a fraction of an inch from Kyosuke's as he whispered to his lover, "Yes, I am."

His body relaxed when Hiroshi finally kissed him, but Kyosuke remained unmoving, allowing his lover to orchestrate whatever happened. However, he could not stop his smile.

Hiro pulled away from the kiss and asked, “Why are you smiling, Kyo-chan?”

Touching Hiroshi’s long soft hair he said, “I’m smiling because you are stubborn, suspicious, jealous, and riddled with emotional wounds.” He smiled wider at Hiro’s flash of anger. “You keep me on my toes.”

Gazing into Kyosuke’s eyes deeply he answered, “Is that good?”

“It’s better than good,” he was now grinning. “It’s perfect.”

Returning the smile, and leaning in close again, Hiroshi said, “I’m not sure I can wait. Do you think Suguru would mind if we came home smelling like sex?”

“He never does,” Kyosuke helped his lover slide onto his lap. “Besides, we always make it up to him. I think he likes it that way, all the fun without the drama.”

“Well then,” Hiroshi’s began, as he leaned forward again, letting his lips brush against Kyosuke’s. “We’d better not disappoint him.”

Outside of the room, K watched the two figures for a few moments longer before he reached over to lock and close the door to the studio. Turning away, he thought about his hotel room and glanced at his watch. Adjusting his aching erection, he was glad that Judy would still be awake when he got back to the hotel. It seemed it was time for him to make a phone call…


TBC? I haven’t decided yet…


Lyrics by Erasure (thanks, Aja!)