Aftermath

Disclaimer: I don’t own the GetBackers, (manga or anime) I just like to imagine them in my own little world (which is totally of my imagining). No profits are made from this story, just gratuitous pleasure.

Summary: Ban finally learns the identity of the shadow that has plagued him for most of his life, and what he needs to do to banish it once and for all. It’s been a long, hard trip, but understanding is never easy. (Pt 9 of The Tangled Web)

Rating: NC-17

Warning Codes: Angst, anal, language, m/m, WAFF, Conclusion, yaoi

Pairings: SxB

Author’s note: This is part finale of the Tangled Web series.

Although each story can stand alone, they will make more sense if they are read as a series.

Feedback is appreciated. Your feedback is your gift to me. My gift to you is the story.

~*~
My thanks to HumanInfiltrator, Llonella and XxXheartofyaoiXxX for the reviews. I hope you like this final installment.

It’s my great pleasure to acknowledge your acknowledgements of my work. I get no greater pleasure then knowing that I have brought you some enjoyment.
~*~

Aftermath

Although Shido had wanted to take Ban out and show him off to everyone as now being totally his, it was, in fact a couple of weeks after they returned from their weekend sojourn before Ban felt up to facing anyone. It all still felt a bit surreal to him, but every time his eye would catch the glint of light reflecting from the gold band on his left hand, he knew that he had to believe it.

He had completely surrendered himself to Shido. He had, in effect, given himself to Shido, becoming his submissive mate. Not that it was a really bad thing, mind you. Shido treated him very well. He was always kind, always considerate, always courteous.

Their whole world revolved around Ban and whatever he desired. Shido was devoted to doing whatever it was that made Ban happy. So really, when you thought about it, Ban was getting the best part of the whole deal. But Shido didn’t seem to mind and Ban didn’t take advantage of it. At least not too much. Once in a while, though, he would get Shido all hot, then pretend he wanted to go to sleep, leaving Shido hard and needy, craving release. But he always relented in the end, after Shido had begged enough and told him how much he loved him above all else. Then Ban would languidly take him into his arms and let the raging beast master spend his passion in his warm, willing body.

Tonight was one of the nights that Ban had decided to torment his lover somewhat.

“Please, baby, you can’t just leave me like this, not after the way you were kissing me,” Shido moaned, talking to Ban’s back. “Baby, I know you’re not asleep. Ban? I love you, baby! Come on, don’t do this to me, baby. Please?”

Ban tried hard to hide a smile and to keep his body from reacting to the gentle caressing of Shido’s hand on his back. He could feel the heat from Shido’s arousal almost scorching the skin of his ass as Shido rubbed against him.

Then Shido decided to play dirty and dropped his mouth to Ban’s neck, seeking the tender mark he’d left on his lover so long ago. Shido licked it, then blew on it gently, sending chills up and down Ban’s spine. It was the only touch Ban couldn’t resist. He melted back against the beast master with a soft, sighing moan.

Shido pressed home his newly won advantage and before Ban knew it, he was in the throes of an intense orgasm, with Shido spilling his passion into his more then willing body a few minutes later, then collapsing on top of him, spent and unwilling to move. Ban closed his arms tightly around the beast master, keeping him captive for as long as he could, though Shido showed no immediate signs of moving.

“Oh, god, baby, what you do to me,” whispered Shido, kissing him softly. “I’ve never met anyone like you. I’ve never had anyone do the things to me that you do. You are so amazing. I love you so much, baby.”

“I’ve never had anyone do to me what you’ve done,” replied Ban, quietly, “and I’m still not sure how you did it.”

“Hey, are you complaining?” asked Shido, a bit preplexed. “Is it so bad, what I’ve done? What we do together?”

“No. No, it’s great, I love it, I love you. I’m just confused, sometimes,” replied Ban. “I never expected to become someone’s uke, is all. Hell, before I seduced Gingi, I never even remotely thought about being with a man. And now look at me.”

“I’m sorry, baby,” said Shido, at the slightly bitter tone in Ban’s voice. “But I really do love you, Ban.”

“I know,” said Ban with a resigned sigh, eyes closed over unshed tears, cuddling close, knowing it would always be this way now. “I love you, too, but, still…”

There was not too much more to say. Ban drifted off to sleep, but it wasn’t too many hours later that he awoke screaming and shaking, the shadow looming so large it almost engulfed him. He refused to sleep the rest of the night, sitting in the dark smoking cigarette after cigarette, shaking off Shido’s efforts to comfort him.

*~*

He was moody all the next day, pacing around the small apartment, almost snapping at Shido whenever the beast master spoke, refusing to relax, to eat, to sit or to do anything Shido suggested. He would only pace and smoke, refusing any and all comfort Shido had to offer him. It continued late into the night, and Ban was looking haggard and worn, but still he refused to sleep, refused to face the shadow again.

Finally, Shido bodily picked him up, carried him struggling into the bedroom, threw him down on the bed, then penned him down with his stronger body.

“You’ve got two choices here, snake bastard. You need sleep and you know the only way you’re going to sleep right now. Now, either I rape you, and I will, if that’s the only option you give me, I’ll tie your ass down and rape you, or we can make love. You let me make love to you. Either way, you are going to go to sleep. I’d just rather not do it with violence,” said Shido in a no nonsense voice. “I really don’t want to hurt you.”

Ban glared up at him, and for a moment, Shido could almost swear he saw the first option in Ban’s eyes. Then the eyes closed and tears leaked out.

Shido pulled him into his arms, kissing and caressing the suddenly unresisting man, holding him tightly against his chest. Shido sighed. This was so damned hard. He never wanted Ban like this. He didn’t want a crying, clinging child. He wanted a strong, vital, independent man. But until they could banish the shadow that chased the jagan master through his dreams, he would never be able to stand on his own.

Even though he had nominally given in, Ban still resisted and fought Shido, and the love making grew a little more aggressive and combative then Shido wanted. Eventually, he ended up tying Ban’s hands to the bedpost with a silk scarf and taking him from behind, withholding release from him until Ban was almost screaming in his aching need to come. When Shido finally let him come, he almost passed out and when Shido finished a few minutes later, Ban’s eyes finally slid closed and Shido collapsed across his exhausted body.

~*~

Ban was so scared and the shadow was looming so large above him, but all he could do was cover his head with his arms as he crashed heavily to his knees before it. He couldn’t run any more. He was so tired of running.

Suddenly, an ethereal white mist was between him and the shadow and the shadow shrank back somewhat, cowed for the moment. Then the mist seemed to take on a woman’s form and it turned towards him.

‘So, boy, have you finally quit running away from this shadow, then?’ she asked rather tartly. ‘Are you going to just give up and let it consume your soul now? Have you lost the sprit to fight?’

‘What do you mean?’ he asked, shaken.

‘When are you going to send this shadow back to the Hell that spawned it?’ she countered.

‘I don’t know how,’ he confessed, looking up into her agate hard eyes.

‘You don’t know how!’ she cackled. ‘You don’t know how. Boy, when are you going to wake up?’

‘I don’t understand,’ he responded, feeling so confused.

‘When are you going to wake up to what’s real in your life? Stop running away from it?’ she demanded harshly.

‘I am awake,’ he answered, stung by the vehemence of her remark.

‘No, you’re not. When are you going to acknowledge what you are and who you’ve become? When are you going to admit it yourself and accept it?’ she asked.

‘Acknowledge what? That I’m a fucking faggot? Admit what I’ve become? Some guy’s bitch? Why should I want to acknowledge that?’ he asked, angry and hurt.

‘Is that really how you see yourself?’ she asked sadly.

‘What else am I supposed to see myself as?’ he responded bitterly.

‘That one beside you, that one really loves you. That one went through hell for you, to come back to you. That one cares more about you then you care about yourself. Does that one treat you unkindly? Treat you harshly? Treat you with contempt? No, I think not. And can you truly say that you don’t care at all about that one? That there are no feelings between you and that one? Could you just leave that one behind, then?’ she asked sharply.

‘No. No, Shido only treats me the best, always treats me the best. And yes, I do care about him, and I could never leave him…’ he admitted in a small voice.

‘Until you can acknowledge to yourself what you really are, what you have become, who you truly are, you will continue to fight and flee this shadow, and you will eventually lose,’ she predicted. ‘But now, I will give you this shadow’s name, so that you may know who you fight.’

‘Who? Tell me! If I know, then maybe I’ll be able to deal with it. Tell me, old witch,’ he demanded.

‘My son, the shadow you fight is yourself. It is you, refusing to accept who and what you are,’ she proclaimed, calmly. ‘It has always been yourself, refusing to acknowledge your true self, your whole self, not just the jagan eye, not just the demon, but everything about yourself.’

‘Myself?’ he asked in a whisper, stunned. ‘I’m fighting myself?’

‘Yes,’ she acknowledged simply.

‘And as long as I refuse to accept the fact that I’m gay, as long as I refuse to acknowledge myself as Shido’s lover, his uke, I’m going to keep fighting within myself? It’s been me, myself, all of this time that I’ve been running from?’ he asked incredulously.

‘It’s been the truth about yourself that you’ve been running from, yes. As long as you refuse to acknowledge the truth about yourself, you soul will remain divided and will fight against itself. You need to admit the truth to yourself,’ she said. ‘That is a big part of the truth of who and what you are, just as much as your jagan eye and the demon that possesses you are a part of yourself. You must admit to all of it, not just some of it, or it will haunt you unmercifully to the end of your days, until it drags you kicking and screaming back to the depths of the Hell from which it was spawned.’

‘So, if I stand here and say okay, so I’m gay and I have a gay lover, then it all goes away? All better?’ he asked sarcastically.

‘No, of course not. It is something you must admit first within your heart as the truth and you must believe in this truth. Then you must acknowledge this truth to the world. Only then can you be free, because the shadow is a creature of lies and can have no hold on the truth. But you must truly believe in this truth,’ she told him.

‘But why didn’t this shadow ever come to haunt me when I was with Gingi? He was a man, too,’ he demanded.

‘Because the other one was not a threat to you. The other one was not insisting you submit to his will. The other one was content to allow you to dominate him and so you felt no conflict,’ she said, mildly.

‘But Shido, he dominates me,’ he said, slowly. ‘He wants me to submit to him.’

‘Yes. That one would bend you to his will, however gently he does it, and this is what you resist. This is the truth you fight. That you would allow that one to bend you to his will. That you would bend to him willingly. This is what you would not admit to yourself and so you fled, rather then face it, and it chased you down,’ she said, smugly.

‘So, Gingi was no threat, but Shido caused me to reassess myself, and I was afraid to admit what I found. Yes, I see that now,’ he mused softly. ‘I see.’

For a long time the three beings, Ban, the shadow and the misty figure seemed to drift in stasis, while Ban contemplated her words. Then he made a decision.

He shook himself, then stood in front of the shadow, no longer afraid, and the shadow seemed to diminish some, shrinking from him.

‘I am no longer afraid of you. For far too long I have been running from the truth that I know in my heart. I am in love with another man, and I am happy with him. Since he came into my life, it’s as if a bright light has been lit for me. And my light’s name is Shido Fuyuki. No longer will I bemoan the fact that I, Ban Mido am the gay lover of Shido Fuyuki, that he is my dominate partner and that I am happy.’ Ban paused and thought for a moment longer before continuing.

‘I am happier now then I have ever been and I will continue to hold on to this happiness for as long as I am able. I see this as the truth within myself, I acknowledge this and I will live with it,’ he declared.

With each work, the shadow shrank more and more until finally it went out, as if someone had blown out a candle, and it was gone, banished completely.

‘Well, finally, boy. I thought you’d never get around to realizing the truth about yourself and admitting it to yourself. Now, go tell that one just the way you feel about him,’ she smiled, then the ethereal mist, too, was gone

And Ban was alone with his truth, at peace in his heart at last.

~*~

Ban awoke, feeling Shido’s weight across his back, holding him down and he moved under him slightly. At the movement, Shido awoke immediately and tightened his hold on the smaller man.

“You can get off of me, lover, I’m not gonna wig out on you again,” Ban said.

“But I like it here,” Shido replied, nuzzling at his neck and running a hand down to caress his ass. “I’ve got you right where I want you.”

Ban could feel Shido’s arousal against his thigh and Shido’s delicate fingers massaging the soft opening to his warm, willing body. He felt his own body start to react immediately and knew the old witch was right.

If he didn’t like this, if his body didn’t really accept the touch of a man, if this wasn’t his chosen lifestyle now, he wouldn’t react so quickly, he wouldn’t encourage Shido’s touch, he wouldn’t crave the feeling of having Shido deep inside of him. And he did. He was reacting with every fiber of his being.

He shifted and wriggled, and Shido shifted with him, allowing him to turn onto his back so that they were face to face. His lips and tongue sought Shido’s, playing and teasing, his cock strained, hard and throbbing for the touch of Shido’s hand and his ass was ready for the invasion of Shido’s hard, massive length into himself. He wanted Shido to spill his seed deep inside his body. He wanted to be under Shido, to have Shido within him, to have Shido make him his completely.

“Oh, lover, take me, make me yours,” he breathed softly, and Shido readily complied.

Mouths joined together for a deep, loving kiss, hands caressed each other’s sweating bodies, Ban spread his thighs and lifted his knees and Shido’s waiting erection slid easily into the still wet, warm, willing channel. Shido made soft, passionate love to him, punctuated with kisses and words of endearment, and Ban felt his heart falling completely in love with the beast master, finally.

At the climax of their lovemaking, they lay for a long time in the afterglow, happier then they had ever been, and Ban knew that was one more thing he had to do to banish the shadow forever.

~*~

They had showered and eaten and were sitting on the ratty old couch, staring at some stupid program when Ban took Shido’s hand.

“Hey, lover,” he said, smiling up at Shido. “Let’s go out for a while. Let’s go down to the Honky Tonk for some coffee. I need to get out.”

“Sure, Juliet,” replied Shido, running a hand up into Ban’s still damp dark hair, pulling him in for a kiss. “What ever you want to do baby, that’s fine with me.”

Ban snuggled with him for a few minutes, enjoying his new found sense of well being, reveling in how much Shido really loved him.

They dressed, then headed off for the Honky Tonk, enjoying the walk in the sunshine that seemed much brighter today for some reason. And the world seemed much prettier, and Ban felt more alive and free. Today was a wonderful day.

“You look so pretty today, my sweet Juliet,” Shido smiled. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“I feel wonderful today, Shido. I feel better then I’ve felt in a very long time,” Ban told him, smiling back.

They exchanged a light kiss, then continued on their way silently, hand in hand, comfortable in each other’s company.

Shido was surprised when they got to the café to see not only Gingi and Kazuki, but Hevn there as well. Gingi all but attacked Ban as soon as the walked in the door.

“Ban-chan!” he yelled. “Oh, Ban-chan, you, you glow! You look so happy!”

“Yes, Gingi, I am happy,” replied Ban kissing him.

“Please,” he said, “I asked you all here for a very special reason today. Paul, can we lock the place up?”

“Sure, I told you no problem,” Paul replied.

Shido looked confused and started to speak, but Ban hushed him, leading him toward the back of the café, to sit at the booth where they always hung out. Seating Shido, Ban sank to the floor on to his knees before Shido, while the other gathered behind him, Gingi and Kazuki, Hevn, Paul and Natsumi.

“Shido,” Ban started, “not so long ago, you gave me this ring, and asked me if I would marry you. I gave you my hand, but I never really gave you an answer.”

Ban help up the hand with the slim gold band glinting on his ring finger. Shido started to speak and again Ban hushed him, the took Shido’s hands in his own.

“Today, before all of out friends, I would like to give you my answer, and I would like to give you a gift. My answer is this:

“Yes, Shido Fuyuki, I would be proud to marry you.

“And the gift I would like to give you is the most precious thing I have to give. To you, Shido Fuyuki, I give myself, heart and soul. I lay myself humbly at your feet and ask you if you will accept me as you own, take me to be your beloved. This is the gift I offer you in return for the love that you have given to me. If you will accept me?”

Ban bowed his head before a stunned Shido and waited.

“I … I … ah, I …” Shido couldn’t seem to find any words.

“Just say ‘yes’, Shido,” came the voice of the golden god, Raitei, sounding somewhat exasperated.

“Oh, god, yes, baby, yes,” cried Shido, tears running down his face as he fell out of the booth to clasp Ban tightly in his arms, kissing him deeply. “Yes, baby.”

The babble broke around them, like the ocean washing over a rock, but they were too absorbed in each other for the moment to notice it.

“Now the shadow is gone,” said Ban, softly to Shido. “You have banished it for good.”

Shido helped Ban to his feet and closed his arms around him gently, kissing him deeply and the glow that the two of them shared could have rivaled the sun at that moment. Then Gingi descended on them.

“Shido, let go,” Gingi demanded. “You have to share him. Everybody gets a little bit of Ban-chan today before you take him away.”

And Gingi pulled Ban off into a corner, where they talked and cuddled and kissed for quite some time, setting everything in their lives back into order. Shido only smiled, glad to see the friends working everything out.

“So, Shido, Ban looks radiant,” Kazuki commented. “I think you’re the best thing that could have ever happened to him. I think that someone like you is what he has been needing all of his life, and he just didn’t know it. And I want to thank you, too, for Gingi, because we are supremely happy together.”

“I’m glad, Kazuki,” Shido smiled. “You know, I really hated that little bastard the first time I ever saw him, and now, wow. I can’t ever imaging living without him again. Love sure does funny things to a person.”

“It occurs to me, Shido, that we need to adjust our living arrangements,” said Kazuki. “Ban and Gingi are a retrieval team and unless they break that team up, it’s really going to be hard for them to work together, living apart as they are now. You are an independent retriever, so that’s not really a problem. I would like to run a suggestion by you.”

“Sure, let’s hear it,” said Shido, looking fondly at Ban, still cuddling up with Gingi.

“Why don’t the four of us get a large, two bedroom apartment together? My apartment isn’t big enough for both Gingi and I, and you and Ban are still living in that old rat box he lived in with Gingi. You don’t need two bedrooms, but I refuse to move in there,” said Kazuki. “Let’s find someplace comfortable, together.”

“Sounds good to me. Have you talked to Gingi about it?” Shido asked.

“Yes, and he’s all for it. He said that he’d ask Ban,” Kazuki told him.

“Alright. Let’s work on it later. Here comes Hevn and Paul,” said Shido.

“Shido, congratulations,” said Paul. “It’s been a long battle, but you finally did it.”

“Yeah, I did,” said Shido with a satisfied smile.

“You could have knocked me over with a feather,” Hevn exclaimed. “I never thought I’d ever see the great Ban Mido down on his knees in front of anyone, let alone you, Shido. My, my. You really must have worked some strong animal magic on him to win him over, Shido.”

“Just the magic of love, Hevn,” Shido replied.

Then Ban and Gingi broke from their private talk to rejoin the others, walking over hand in hand. When they reached the group, Gingi dropped Ban’s hand and put his arms around Kazuki, pulling the delicate string master back to lean against him in the comfort of his embrace, and Ban went to slip into the comfortable embrace of Shido, and the beast master’s arms closed possessively around him.

Ban’s eyes looked soft and adoring as he turned his face to give Shido a quick kiss.

The group chatted and drank coffee and had a delicious cake that Natsumi had made just for the special occasion and when it was time to go they all thanked Ban for asking them to share this most intimate moment when he bared his soul to Shido. Then the two left to return to the privacy of their home.

~*~

“So, this is why you looked so pretty tonight, Juliet,” said Shido teasingly, later on, when they were getting ready for bed. “A bride always looks her most beautiful on her wedding day.”

Shido waited for the expected explosion from his spirited little lover about his comment, but quite surprised by the answer he got.

“The old witch told me, in my dream, that I had to accept what I had become and to acknowledge who I am, and that would free me from the shadow that I was running from. And she told me the name of the shadow,” Ban replied. “I was running from myself. I was running from the awakening of my sexuality, of loving another man, of submitting to another man’s will. I was running away, refusing to admit I might be gay and that I might like being gay.

“And so, I admitted to myself that I loved you, that I loved you a lot, and that I was willing to submit to you, to be your lover. And I acknowledged to the world today that I loved you, that I was gay and that I was good with it. And I quit fighting myself, I quit running away.” Ban smiled at Shido. “And I’m happy. I guess it shows.”

“You are a continuing source of amazement to me, Ban Mido,” Shido laughed. “All this time, you were running from yourself? But why just with me?”

“I was running from myself because I was afraid to let you dominate me. But I realize now, you have never dominated me. You’ve always wanted me as an equal. I was just too blind to see it clearly. But I’ve stopped running now. And the truth is, I’m happier now with you then I ever was with any of the girls I was with. None of them were more then a passing whim,” said Ban, sliding into Shido’s arms. “You, I feel in every fiber of my being, right down to my core. You are like the air that I breath. I truly love you, Shido, with all of my heart.”

“And I love you, too. I’m just glad you finally got it all worked out. It was getting a little exhausting, subduing you all of the time,” Shido joked.

“What? You complaining?” Ban challenged.

“No way. Having you in bed is where I like you the best, baby.” Shido kissed him on the neck, on the mark that started the whole thing. “So, let’s go celebrate our wedding night, Juliet.”

“Sure, lover. Your blushing bride awaits you,” Ban replied with a coquettish look.

Shido swept his dark haired beauty up into his arms and carried him to the bed to consummate the true union of Ban Mido and Shido Fuyuki.

*~*

Thanks for reading, hope your visit was a good one.

This is the end of the Tangle Web. What a long, strange trip it’s been. All of my thanks to my faithful readers who have stay with me for this rollercoaster ride that I’ve put you on. It’s been fun.

***If you have enjoyed this series, you might also enjoy: ‘Acting As If… A Passion Play in 5 Acts’ which can be found in the Gundam Wing (yaoi) Universe, or ‘At Fifteen’ and it’s sequel ‘The Heart of the Mustang’ which can be found in the world of the FullMetal Alchemist(yaoi)***