Love, For Drunken Mass Murderers

Love, For Drunken Mass Murderers

Rating: M

Category: Humor/Romance

Pairing: LxLight

Warning(s): Yaoi (male/male sexual situations), Lime in the second chapter and Lemon in the third.

Yaoi. “You have a ‘thoroughly drunk’ boy chained to you, to whom you are attracted, and a bed that you can easily access?” Light inquired. L nodded. “Then why the hell haven’t you fucked me yet?”

A/N: This will have three chapters. The second chapter will have a LIME and the third will have a LEMON. I’ll submit the chapters according to reviews I get. I’ve got them typed up already.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Step One; To get laid by that special someone, you must forgo most inhibitions, either by your own will or external forces (e.g. hypnosis, alcohol). Because you are a mass murderer, he/she will probably be suspicious but remember to act innocent, and that shouldn’t be hard if –for whatever strange reason –you don’t remember committing your crimes.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If anything was more terrifying then looking down the barrel of a gun that your father was holding, Light had yet to experience it. Although, come to think about it, he hadn’t experienced much at all. Even though he’d had more experience in things then kids his age (e.g. solving several police cases, getting perfect grades and being suspected of being a mass murderer) and realized that he’d never really had ‘a life’, per se.
Not that he’d ever really wanted one. He’d been much more content to stay at home and do something important then go out with people or think about the test that they would have on Friday. He knew he’d get 100 percent on it anyway. He always did. He was handsome too, which was why people were surprised when he informed him he didn’t go out partying or at least have a girlfriend. He was also actually pretty friendly, and in short, perfect.

Which was probably what L hated about him the most.

Perfect hair, perfect eyes, perfect smile, perfect genius mind, perfect upper class life, perfect caring parents, perfect school grades, perfect personality –or rather, that was what L was trying to prove Light wasn’t. No one could possibly be that ideal, and so something had to be wrong with him. Megalomania could be that thing easily, right?

And so, due to L’s tenacity to establish Light’s probable flaws, and Light’s lack of a life, they decide to go out clubbing. And of course, they couldn’t go clubbing at a normal bar, because the two were handcuffed to each other, thanks to Ryuzaki’s brilliant plan. And while Light was all for wearing a sign that read ‘I lost a bet’, that would ruin the point of them going out to have fun.

Because, frankly, it was hard to have fun while being devastatingly humiliated.

So, of course, they agreed that it was best to go to a gay bar, where they had probably seen two men handcuffed together, and probably far worse. They could get drunk there together, and Light could have a much-needed break and L might be able to probe some answers out of the drunken teen –presuming he couldn’t hold his alcohol. He had a feeling Light hadn’t really ‘drunk’ before. When would he have had the time? A sip of whine at a wedding or on a Holiday, but other then that…

Watari dropped them off at a known gay bar with a barely hidden smile on his face. L knew Light would probably be hit on, even so obviously attached to another man. Surprisingly enough, they weren’t the only ones handcuffed together, so they barely turned heads. The thought made Light squirm on his stool.

Ryuzaki showed the man his I.D. and bought drinks for both him and Light. When the bartender returned with for shots of something –Light didn’t even want to know, truthfully –and they each took one and clinked their glasses together.

“To catching Kira,” Light said, smiling as he moved the glass up to his mouth. L stared back at him with that blank look.

“To catching Kira,” L nodded and they both brought the small glass to they’re lips, through back their heads and let the stinging liquid fall down their throats.

Light coughed, his esophagus tingling from the sensation and he put his glass down almost awkwardly. He was already a bit dizzy from the first short. What had Ryuzaki given them anyway? Ryuzaki put the shot glass down gingerly, holding it the same way he held most things –at if it were something slimy and only worth touching with two fingers. Light settled his chin in his hand.

“I’m surprised you suggested going out,” Light told him, his hair falling in front of his eyes. Ryuzaki nodded.

“I did so for your sake, Yagami-kun,” L replied evenly, nearly smiling as he noticed the look in Light’s eyes. One shot, and he was heavily buzzed already? Interesting. “You are young, and need time off. It is natural to want to do things such as this. It was unfair to make you work straight for so long, especially after your long confinement.”

“Hm,” Light shrugged, trying to ignore the blaring music and the men dancing all around him. Most were dressed normal –or rather like he was – but others were dressed as women or in bright, neon colors with exaggerated make-up and some wore all black and face piercings. Light through back to second shot and took a moment to recover from that one. He blinked and shook his head, trying to clear it.

Frankly, he’d always thought alcohol was stupid. It impaired your judgment, and clogged your brain, and he couldn’t see why anyone would want to do that. But, after spending fifty days locked up in a room with your hands and feet bound could change ones perspective. He had decided, in that small room, that he thought too much. He would probably be a lot happier if he didn’t overanalyze things so much.

He just wanted to stop thinking for a while. Just this once. Even if it was with L.

“More?” The bartender was actually rather good-looking, Light noticed. Why hadn’t he seen that before? He smiled at him and nodded. The man looked at Ryuzaki strangely, and the detective nodded, throwing back his second shot as well. He looked completely unaffected by the drink. Light frowned.

“Why do you look so…” Why couldn’t he find the word? “Normal, Ryuzaki?”

“I don’t know what you mean, Yagami-kun,” L responded easily and Light’s brow furrowed at the bartender came back with two more shots. Why did L always say he didn’t know what he meant? That was mean! Especially considering his current state…not that there was a current state he was in. He wasn’t drunk, yet, of course.

L threw back the third shot, and soon after the fourth, and although his eyes drooped just a tiny bit, that was the only sign that he was intoxicated in the slightest. Light glared at him, taking this as a challenge. He could definitely beat Ryuzaki in a drinking challenge, he knew he could hold his own in anything.

Light quickly drank the two shots, and glowered at Ryuzaki, who actually looked really good in that white shirt, now that he thought about it. He was so damn infuriating though! Light just knew he was being blurry just to get on his nerves!

“Tie,” Light said –slurred –and L raised an eyebrow.

“I wasn’t aware this was a game, Yagami-Kun,” L relayed to him, waved at the bartender to signal him to get more drinks. Light pushed on L’s arm indignantly.

“Did too!” Light said, sticking out his bottom lip. Now that L thought about it, what a edible lip it was…. Light was rather cute when he was drunk. Flirtatious, even. The chances that he would spill a secret would rise 15 percent if he flirted back.

“Well, Yagami-kun,” L smirked, putting his hand on Light’s arm, “Why don’t we dance too?”

“Wha…?” Light blinked. He couldn’t think of a reason L would want to dance with him. Sure, they were in a gay bar, but that didn’t mean that were gay…that was a weird thought process, but of course, it was amazing Light still had any thought process at the moment. God help the person who expected him to have a reasonable one! “But why?”

L shrugged, “Something to do. Besides, that’s what you came here for, is it not, Yagami-kun? And, you can’t very well dance with someone else while you’re attached to me.”

“Uh…” Somehow, in the back of his mind, Light though that that didn’t make all that much sense, but for some reason, he couldn’t figure why. Oh well, it was L, right? He was smart, so what he said made sense, and Light would have to take his word for it, especially because his brain didn’t seem to be working too well at the moment. For a second, he wondered why, before something shiny caught his eye.

Oh, it was just the handcuff chain.

“Erm –I –yeah, okay,” Strangely enough, Light was having trouble forming a sentence. He grabbed one more shot and threw if back, for the road.

Light couldn’t really remember standing up or being led to the dance floor, or when, exactly L’s hands had settled on his waist. Weird. Ryuzaki wasn’t a bad dancer –well, he had been light on his feet and rather graceful, so it wasn’t too much of a surprise. Light, on the other hand, fuzzy from the alcohol, had to be led my L to keep in rhythm. After a few minutes, Light got used to it put his hands on L’s shoulders and began moving with him, and for some reason, he ground his hips into Ryuzaki’s.

Ryuzaki whispered into his ear, “Are you Kira, Yagami-kun?”

“Huh?” Light narrowed his eyes, his nose wrinkling slightly as he thought about it, “Y’know, Ryuzaki, Kira sounds like a girl’s name.”

L resisted the urge to roll his eyes, or smile. Well, that wasn’t working too well. He might’ve gotten Light a little too drunk.

“Oh! You mean the killer!” Light smacked himself in the forehead, “I can’t believe I said that! And no, I’m not Kira! –(snort) –It’s so a girl’s name…”

“You said it, Yagami-kun, because you are drunk,” L pointed out and Light frowned.

“No’m not,” He disagreed, “Like six lousy shots could get me drunk! You aren’t drunk, and I’m not either! It’s….It’s a tie!”

L decided not to correct him and say it was really only five shots.

“Let’s sit down,” Ryuzaki offered, just as a slow song came on. Light refused, and instead threw his arms around L’s neck and hung from the older man’s neck like heavy jewelry.

“No,” Light told him, “Let’s do the slow one…. hey, Ryuzaki?”

“Yes, Yagami-kun?”

“Did you know this is a gay bar?”

“Yes, Yagami-kun.”

“Oh.”

“…”

“Well, why are we here, then?”

“If I recall, it was you who ground your hips into mine, Yagami-kun,” L responded simply, “Maybe you should ask yourself that question.”

“Light, Why are we in a gay bar?”

L looked down at the boy incredulously.

“Hey, Ryuzaki.”

“…Yes, Yagami-kun?”

“I didn't answer.”

“We are going to sit down now,” L said, peeling Light’s arms away from his neck and pulling him over to their seats. Sitting in his usual position with, with his thumb comfortably in his mouth, L studied Light.

Yes. He was certainly correct in assuming that the boy was a lightweight. And on one hand it was almost annoying for the intelligent Light Yagami he knew to be gone thanks to the stupid substance, but on the other, this new Light was incredibly adorable and unguarded and…exposed. Hm. So maybe Light wasn’t Kira, at the moment.

Light was currently waving down the bartender, who came over with an eyebrow raised.

“Another one, please,” Light ordered, smiling.

“I think you’ve had enough, darling,” the man said, shaking his head. Light frowned.

“What do you mean? I’m barely buzzed!” Light asked, confused.

“Sweetie, you’re smashed,” the bartender shook his head and walked away as Light glared at him hatefully. He turned to L and grabbed his arm.

“He wouldn’t get me another one, Ryuzaki,” Light pouted, “Could you ask for me?”

“I agree with him, Yagami-kun,” L said and Light’s pout dropped to a sulk.

“But I’m not drunk!” Light protested, letting go of L’s arm and crossing his own stubbornly. “Gods, Ryuzaki….pleeeease?”

“Why do you think that I will be more inclined to do what you wish if you exaggerate the ‘e’ in the word ‘please’?” L inquired amusedly.

“But Ryuzaki…!” Light brooded and turned away, the chain pulling slightly as he did so. He set his eyes elsewhere, on a couple across the room.

There were two men, about the same size, and one was pointing to the drink bar. The second man shook his head, so the first man grabbed him, kissed him passionately and settled a hand over his crotch. After a moment, the man who’d initiated the kiss, let go and his mouth moved as he apparently said something. The other man nodded, and seemed to be in a sort of daze as he approached the bar and ordered some drinks.

Now, Light was usually a rather independent person. He did what he wanted because he thought things through and knew exactly what would occur as a result of that action. But now, inebriated as he was, he could not think thoroughly enough to decide what reaction Ryuzaki would have. All he knew was it had worked for someone, hadn’t it? Besides, Light wanted another fucking drink!

And so he turned back to L and almost lunged toward him, and thanks to the precarious potion Ryuzaki insisted on sitting in, he knocked him backwards and onto the floor. He pressed his lips to L’s –or what thought was L’s lips –but it turned out to be his chin. He tried again and their mouths finally met.

L blinked from under the boy. What hell had sparked this? He thought about it, not too perturbed by Light’s lingering lips. Ah, he realized after a moment. Light was trying to get him to by him a drink for him, by seducing him. Strange. That would’ve been obvious, but even his mind was clogged slightly by the alcohol. And besides –whoa!

Unlike the clumsy kiss, a hand on his crotch was something you couldn’t ignore.

Oh. So that’s how it was going to be. Well, if so, L knew he wouldn’t loose. He agilely flipped them over, the motion putting Light under him, ripping their lips away from each other’s and removing Light’s hand from his nether regions. Light grunted as he was pushed to the ground, wondering how that had happened.

“I want a drink,” He told Ryuzaki again, knowing in his heart that the older man would get one for him. It had worked for those other guys, hadn’t it?

“No, Yagami-kun,” L objected. That answer didn’t fit into Light’s drunken logic.

“But…you have to,” Light said, rather convinced that this was the way things were supposed to go.

“Why do I have to, Yagami-kun?” L ask curiously, his stare annoyingly lethargic. Light had now choice but to merely glare up at him.

“Because I kissed and groped you, of course!” Light snapped, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Damn Ryuzaki and his damn blurriness….why couldn’t he just get him another drink?

“I am aware of your deed, Yagami-kun,” Ryuzaki wished to put a thumb in his mouth, but his hands were busy holding Light’s wrists to the floor. A few men cast glances their way, a few laugh and few cheered him on, and few didn’t even acknowledge them; they had seen it all before. “But that does not persuade me.”

Light looked up at L and said, “Well, what will?”

L though about it for a long moment.

“I do not think it would be appropriate for here, in the middle of this bar,” L replied evenly. He saw the bartender roll his eyes and mutter something about that not stopping anyone before.

L enjoyed the way Light looked laying beneath him. His hair was in his eyes, as usual, but not as much because gravity pulled it toward his ears. His slightly glazed and drooping dark orbs gave off the impression of bedroom eyes. Hm. Light was definitely handsome, Ryuzaki could not deny that. And now that questioning him was more then useless, why not have his way with him?

“Ryuzaki! If you’re not going to tell me what I’ve got to do, then get off!” Light was moping about it. He thought it would work! So, so unfair.

“Yagami-kun, it is not what I want you to do, it is was I want to do to you,” L deadpanned, his wide black eyes never leaving Light’s eyes. Light blinked, not getting it.

What in the world would Ryuzaki want to do to him? Kill him, maybe? But then, he’d never get his drink if he allowed that. He couldn’t think of what L would want to do to him, because his intoxication blocked any efficient analysis, so he decided to ask.

“Wait, Ryuzaki…” Light’s eyebrows creased in thought, “Do to me? Like a haircut, or something?”

L stared down at him, that ghost of a smile crossed his face.

“Or something, Yagami-kun,” L answered him smoothly.

“Oh,” Light said. He wanted another drink, goddamit! “I accept.”

“Very good, Yagami-kun,” Ryuzaki said, removing himself from his spot on Light’s hips and standing up, holding out a hand for the younger man. Light took it, smiling triumphantly as L led him down the hall and past the sign that said ‘restrooms’. He knew he’d win eventually. He always did.

Little did he know the game was far from over.

------
-----
------

I've already finished this. ^_~ I'll post the rest as soon as I get some reviews! Please, tell me what you think! I know Raito's OOC, but it's explained right? First time drinker, lightweight...anyway, PLEASE REVIEW!!!

AMV