Melancholy

Sounds are moving through me. Each one brings a picture to my mind, as if I were really seeing it. But where am I? All that surrounds me is gray sky. Am I lying in the ocean? Or am I floating in a vast river? I can see nothing for these dreary clouds, and I feel nothing except the water underneath me. I am... Seras Victoria, aren't I?

Seras Victoria, buxom girl of tender years, found herself suddenly floating into nothingness surrounded by nothingness. She could see sky, infinite and undefined, and she could feel water carrying her. The water was also infinite, and she felt neither cold nor wet. The delicate sound of the water was the only existing noise, but in her mind she could "hear" many sounds. Voices, machines, animals, inhuman screams, all that could ever make a sound in existence. These jumbled with every image that could feasibly be, and Seras could but dimly wonder if she were mad. She had no idea where she was. She had no recollection of how she had wound up in this place, this limbo. Was she between life and death?

The harder she thought, the less sense she could make of her thoughts. The faces that swam into her eyes were familiar but unknown. She thrashed about in her bed of water, but did not sink. However she knew she was moving forward, with her delicate white feet leading the way. Seras then examined herself, putting aside her thoughts. Breasts, stomach, limbs; all were bare and brazenly white in absolutely colourless water. She looked into the depths, and as broadly deep her sea seemed, it remained crystalline and clear all the way. No weeds, no fish, no black depths. Not a single living thing nor article of refuse. The water was pure, not salt. Suddenly a memory she recognized came into her mind. She saw her mother, leaning over the bathtub smiling at her child-self. Seras remembered the bathwater, warm and comforting. Though this water was not overly warm, she was happy to regain one coherent memory.

Mother... dearest mother. Am I journeying towards you? Seras reclined into the weightless embrace again and began to make sense of her thoughts. Her mother was dead now, dead long since. She was murdered and defiled in front of my eyes. My father too, brutally killed. And yet I was spared death. I was left alone... Her mind brought up images of a trouble childhood, a grim, moody series of years culminating in a reserved adolescence and a renewing adulthood. As a young woman Seras had channeled her childhood anger and fear into her job as a police woman. And yet... where had that gotten her...?

He came... He came, and killed me. I am dead, or I was dead... My life has somehow been kept and lost, and will I ever see my parents? Has my soul been destroyed, or lost? Or is it possible to retain the soul when the body has been so transformed? Seras looked into the gray sky, and his image formed there as clearly as she could see her own hand. Still she knew that the image, real though it was, of the lurid and despicable man was not really there. Still he seemed painted in richest colour and detail on the clouds. She reached for him. I can't decide how I feel about you. You mock me with those crimson eyes. You chastise me for my weakness as a monster, yet you perish the thought of any other human giving themselves up to be a monster. You hate my kept humanity, yet you love humanity! Why do you want me to be a monster?

Seras could see another face as the red-and-black spectre faded from his canvas. A flaxen-haired countenance replaced him. Her heart was fond of this face. This one liked her for herself and never tried to push her to change. And yet, fondness had never grown into something more. And the blond man was dead. Dead but never gone, never as long as his memory lived on in her.

Captain... Master... Sir Integra... Walter... Mother... Father. Where have I strayed? Suddenly Seras' surroundings changed, and changed drastically. The water took on depth and colour, and the sky cleared. She could see separate clouds now, and now the sun was setting, visible where it had not been visible before. Scarlet streaks reached across the sky, and suddenly several subtle sensations reached her all at once. There now were banks alongside her, green and brown, and a horizon in front of her. She had a destination. The current of the water quickened, and what had been flat now was a series of dips and bends. She could feel the water's temperature, and it was growing colder as the sun dipped into its place of sleep. The descent was of magnified speed, and she could see inky blue spreading over her head. Stars winked into sight as a myriad of reds, oranges and blues encompassed the last bit of lit sky. The river she was floating in took on the aspects of white water, and Seras found herself pitching forward in a furious current, no longer on her back but bolt upright.

Is this Styx? Have I come to some conclusion? This water is now moving so fast, and I'm getting so cold. Have I really been killed? She began to panic as the river darkened and she could see nothing save white pricks of light. The water holding her became pitch black like his clothes, his hair, and his heart. Through her blind, terrifying journey, Seras could only look at the stars as she was thrown around invisible turns and down innumerable hills. Half mad, and convinced she was being dragged to Hell, Seras wildly groped for a foothold or a bank, but she never touched anything. There was still no vegetation or impediment in the raging water. Soon she did comprehend a new sensation, one of warmth embracing her body. She felt ribbons of silk wrapping around her. It was not unpleasant, but strangely erotic over her bare skin. She felt these satin tendrils caress her neck, her chest, her arms and legs and wind all around as if they were snakes of ribbon, alive and sentient.

Why does this feel so good? I am being bound hand and foot, yet it's sensual, like a lover's hands... Seras moaned as she realized the tendrils were not of silk, but silken hair. It was his hair. She could now feel the lewdness of their touch as they encompassed her breasts and snaked between her legs. Seras gasped and moaned as she felt herself filled and stroked by the unseen vines of hair. She felt them stimulate her every pleasurable spot within and without her body, and they suddenly drove her to a very powerful climax. Seras filled with heat and let herself go to the rolling spasms of bliss. After she had ridden the waves of orgasm all of the tendrils vanished suddenly, as if they were never there, and left her again, alone in the darkness. She shivered, now freezing in body and heart. Tears formed and froze on her cheeks for reasons she could not comprehend.

Bitterness rose in her, and she lashed out at the water in agony, finally comprehending her own loneliness. She longed for him, didn't she?

Why did he make me? He could have let me die. With all those ridiculous powers of his, he should have been able to easily kill that vicar without shooting me. What am I to him? Am I anything? Her scene changed yet again, and Seras felt instinctually that her journey was coming to a close. Finally she was meeting the horizon. Light came into being, but this light glowed a fearsome red, the colour of her eyes when the bloodlust was winning. It was exactly the colour of his eyes. Suddenly the current ended, and now she was floating in a circular pool, surrounded by black walls on all sides. The room glowed eerily, that horribly incandescent crimson. A smell finally struck her senses, and now she was warm. The smell, she realized, was that of blood. It was a heady, intoxicating aroma with a bitter edge. Seras now could stand, and she noticed it was blood she was standing in.

She looked ahead of her and spied stairs leading from the blood-pool into a dark room further on. As she hastened to escape the liquid, a chair materialized in front of her eyes and her familiar uniform hung on it. She reached for it eagerly, but was stayed by a cool hand on her shoulder. The hand was long, thin and pale, and her breath quickened as her blue eyes trailed the arm connected and up to the shoulder, where he stood, bare and beautiful for her to behold. Seras felt a need that was all-encompassing and desperate, a need for him to claim and ravage her. As she turned her body toward him, shivering love in her eyes, he wrapped her tightly and drove his teeth into her alabaster neck. The voice growled in her hazy brain.

"Mine. Mine. Mine, all mine. You are mine."
Yours. Yours. Yours, all yours. I am yours.

Seras' eyes cracked open again and all she saw was black. Then her eyes adjusted and she could make out the grain of the wood that compromised her coffin. Her bones knew that it was night, and she raised her hands to lift the coffin lid, her brain still hazy from a very peculiar vision. Seras was unsure if this was still part of it, but the feeling of snuggly cotton was apparent on her skin. A vague suggestion of arousal clung to her, and her palms lightly pressed wood. Her dream had awakened a desire in her that she had either been suppressing or previous unaware of. She loved her Master, Alucard. Loved him with whatever beating of her heart remained, and loved him with all the fire of the soul she didn't know if she even still had.

She began to press the coffin lid but it was ripped away, exposing her harshly to electric lighting and a sight she was both happy and afraid to behold. He had the air of a madman and the smell of lust, and he dove his hands to scoop her up and drag her out of her "bed." Seras felt bewildered as he crushed his mouth over hers and she tasted his lips and tongue. She relinquished herself and succumbed.

I will call you Master no more, for I love you, Alucard.





I was just in a very meditative and weird mood so I decided to write this. I'll prolly be adding to it (including sex and perhaps a plot) if anyone likes it. Please review!