The Happiest Place in Hell

“Tell me again why we are here,” Alucard said blandly. His master, who he addressed, stood at his front with a hand on her hip. On her head, she donned the crimson hat of Alucard.

“We’re here on holiday,” Integra said sternly. “So buck up and put on a smile.”

Alucard grunted in response, feeling the Mickey Mouse ears in his head was a sign of the soon coming apocalypse. Red eyes looked around at the bright, flashing lights and his ears twitched at the peppy music. Seras was already bounding off toward the gift shops that lined Main Street.

“What would you like to do first, Sir Integra?” Walter already felt years younger in this children’s amusement park. Never having had the chance to visit the happiest place on Earth as a young girl, Integra shelled out an incredible amount of money to give the entire Hellsing organization free reign of every public section of Disney World for the entire night. The blond woman put a hand to her chin in thought before perking up.

“Hand me the map, Walter. We’re going to travel the world.”

“But we just got here,” Victoria stated, her head tilting.

Integra chuckled as she guided the small group toward the water filled tower. Alucard felt the air grow heavy around him as they grew closer. The hairs on his body stood on end and it felt as if Beelzebub himself resided in that structure.

“Master?” Seras looked to Alucard and was surprised at what she saw. She had never seen the man so riled up by something unseen.

“There’s something evil in there.”

“Don’t be silly,” Integra simply said. “Now get in this boat before we miss another.”

And so the group of four piled in the slow moving boat, Integra in the front followed by Walter and Seras, then Alucard. The male vampire sat slouched in the last seat with crossed arms and a scowl on his face. Moments later, a squeal was heard from the busty woman in the middle. Alucard sat up, ready for a battle, but relaxed when he saw Seras looking about like a bouncing child of five. As his nerved began to calm, the song of the gyrating dolls flooded into his ears.

It's a world of laughter
A world of tears
It's a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There's so much that we share
That it's time we're aware
It's a small world after all

The man didn’t know how the others could possibly be enjoying this horrid torture. Integra looked around in wonderment. Walter and Seras commented in on the intricacy of the various colorful costumes. Alucard sat, twitching, wondering what it was he did to deserve such a cruel and unusual punishment. The simple, haunting melody of that floated through the speakers drilled into his mind like an industrial drill. Those singing children were everywhere. They danced and mocked him. Played and tormented him. Those tiny, inanimate people were the spawn of the Devil… They needed to die.

Alucard spoke quickly under his breath to keep his master from catching wind of his plan. “Releasing Control Art Restriction to level-”

“ALUCAAAARD!” Integra was heated. The look she threw at Alucard could freeze the fiery pits of Hell. “I did not give you permission to take such actions! Now, calm down before you become best friends with the dolls from China!”

“Fine!… But I’m taking my hat back.”

And so he sat staring at the water., his eye twitching with every beat of that repeating song. He reached his hand out to run it through the water. But before he got halfway there, a voice came through the speakers, interrupting that demon’s chant.

“Please keep your hands and feet inside the boat at all times.”

Alucard rolled his eyes and sat back. Just then, a thought came over him. The music! It stopped!… If I can get that person to talk again… He looked around and a devilish smirk grew across his face. Keeping his hand on the inside edge of the boat, he leaned over the side to dip his elbow into the water… But foiled again!

“Please keep your arms inside the boat, sir.”

By now, Integra was beginning to figure out the problem and she turned to glare at Alucard once more. Before she turned completely, Alucard brought everything in and sat as if nothing happened. He shrugged at the look and lied like a lawyer. You have won the battle, but you have not won the war! He stared down a little Hawaiian boy and smiled as sparks “randomly” began to fly from it’s neck. … Hey… That was kind of fun. Another smirk came across his face and destructive thoughts went thorough his mind. If he was going to get into trouble, why not make the best of it? More and more children soon began to malfunction. The ride’s theme song warped and twisted into some kind of demonic children’s hymn and his laugh grew louder and more maniacal. His arms raised up clawed hands and the light cast a silhouette of those onyx mouse ears still on his head.

“…ard! ALUCARD!!”

Alucard’s joy was quickly brought to an end hold as Integra’s screams finally registered in his mind. The music stopped like an old record and with that went half the dolls into the water. He looked to the other three and put a hand over his mouth to cover that nonchalant cough. Integra was much too distraught with him for any words to come forth. The others were too amazed at the show they had just witnessed. The boat soon came to a stop at the entrance of the miniature world tour. Alucard stepped out as if nothing happened., the others close behind. The boat sighed with relief and soon collapsed into its watery grave.

“Alucard,” Integra started. “For that , no blood for a week!… One more outburst like that and no more Jackal!”

“Ja-……”

The man crossed his arms and glared at Integra. Red eyes fell on his hat and it was swiftly snatched back. Suddenly, he twitched as his ears picked up that tortuous melody.

“Iiiit’s a small world aaaaafter all. Iiiit’s a small world aaaafter-”

“POLICE GIRL!!!” It took every ounce of Alucard’s strength to keep his hands from Seras’ throat. “No more!… No… More.”

Walter chuckled, watching the three with complete amusement. “Just think. We still have five more parks to go through.”

That was the night that Alucard swore, with every fiber of his being, that he would never take another vacation again.