Damnination

He hesitated at the door and almost decided to simply turn around and leave. It wouldn’t be so hard to do; what faced him was unbearable. If he could just walk away from this place in time and try to move on to something else, something productive and worthwhile, he would be a happy man.

But life wasn’t so simple.

Letting a deep breath sweep in and expand his lungs, he finally turned the doorknob and stepped inside the cheap hotel room, eyes automatically scanning his surroundings before resting on the only other being in the vicinity.

He was at the window again. One leg was propped up on the ledge where he sat, the other dangling down towards the floor. His arms simply hung at his sides, hands resting in his lap, fingers slightly intertwined. He didn’t even swing his head around when the door opened and closed; all of his attention was focused outside on something that the other man could only guess at. Said man leaned up against the door behind him, observing his companion shrewdly. Feeling the intensity of the look, the man at the window finally turned, noticing his black-haired comrade for the first time. His aqua marine eyes blinked once before a small smile crept onto his features, not even close to touching those eyes that were such an intricate blend of blue and green.

“Anything new?” Vash asked, his voice harboring that distant tone he got whenever he was lost in thought.

The priest shrugged, mentally shaking himself away from his previous thoughts. “Nah. The people in this town don’t know anything important. Seems like it’s a pretty safe little place.”

The smile on Vash’s face grew. “That’s good,” he said with confidence. “You don’t see many places like that here.” His attention went back to the window, delving back into his thoughts.

Wolfwood sighed and plopped down on the bed, fingers itching to pull a cigarette out from his pocket, but the hotel manager was strict on the “no smoking” policy. He “humph”ed and settled on crossing his legs and leaning back on his hands, going back to studying the blond man before him.

He would give almost anything to know what Vash was thinking. It wasn’t that they didn’t talk; occasionally some discussions ensued between them in which he could get a better understanding of this strange enigma of a man. Of course, Wolfwood could, at any time, initiate the question, but the mere thought of doing so made his throat constrict. It would just be…well, awkward, he supposed. And besides, didn’t Vash trust him enough by now to be able to tell him his fears, to describe the overwhelming doubt and stress that had to be going through the other’s head?

Suddenly angry, Wolfwood sat back up, now glaring at humankind’s first ever walking disaster. Shouldn’t he have been throwing himself into the priest’s arms, weeping and confessing how scared he was? Wasn’t that how this whole thing was supposed to work?

He ceased his mind’s rambling almost immediately. No, that wasn’t right…He knew Vash well enough by now to know that the other man kept most of his emotions locked away, no matter how he acted in front of others. He didn’t want anything to distract him.

More than that, Wolfwood knew that there was so much dwelling inside him that if he were to let it all out at once, he just might go crazy with the enormity of it. That scenario made Wolfwood shudder unpleasantly.

But all the same…he wanted to help. Somehow.

“Is everything okay?”

He looked up, his bluish grey eyes meeting Vash’s for the second time since he got back. He scowled; shouldn’t he be the one asking that? The blond took in his facial expression and made a worried noise.

“Are you angry?” he asked sincerely. Now he was back in the real world—the misty haze of his mind had lifted and his eyes were clear, gazing at Wolfwood with his usual care and concern. He shifted on the window ledge, bringing his long legs down so that he didn’t have to crane his neck to look at the black-haired man.

Wolfwood sighed. “It’s nothing, tongari. Just thinking, same as you.” There was a pregnant silence in which he choked back that burning question—what were you thinking about, exactly?—and Vash tilted his head to the side.

“Well, okay.” He took in a calm breath and looked around the room, rubbing his left arm—the fake one, Wolfwood remembered—almost self-consciously. Noticing that Wolfwood was still staring, he directed another smile at him, curiosity in his now playful eyes. “Are you sure you’re all right, Wolfwood? You seem really distant today.” He let out his typical little laugh. “Was it something I did?”

The priest crossed his arms, fingers still twitching for his desired cigarette. “No, tongari, it’s nothing that you did,” he said in near monotone, this exchange having clearly come between them before.

“Well, all right then…” Vash sighed and averted his gaze, a small frown now tugging at his lips. Wolfwood tried very hard to keep from screaming; honestly, this man could really get him going in ways he never thought possible. One hand clenched and unclenched, longing to go over to the window and simply sock the blond in the face, demanding that he open up to him.

Oh yes, that situation would go down really well. Spectacularly well. I can just see it now: the infamous Humanoid Typhoon in near tears, demanding why I would do such a thing.

He groaned and got off the bed, starting towards Vash. The latter brought his head back around, watching the black-haired man come closer until he was standing directly in front of him. Vash attempted a smile, but it faltered when Wolfwood caught his gaze. Those brilliant eyes flashed with uncertainty, with fear. It made Wolfwood want to rip himself to pieces.

What was he doing here?

Bending down, he quickly caught the blond’s lips with his own, a startled noise escaping the other man at the sudden movement. He relaxed after a second and began to return the fervor of their kiss, reaching his hand up to clasp the back of Wolfwood’s neck.

As soon as it had begun, they separated, not looking the other in the eye for a long time. Both were breathing heavily, Vash resting his forehead against Wolfwood’s shoulder. The priest sighed and ran a hand through the blond locks in front of him, making them disordered and messy. Vash glanced up at him with a small question in his eyes, one that—like Wolfwood—he was afraid to ask.

He put his lips to Vash’s again. This time they started off slow, taking great care in their movements, planning before executing them. Wolfwood touched Vash’s jaw lightly, his callused fingertips rough against the smooth skin. He trailed along his jawline and down to his neck, running his fingers along areas he knew were sensitive. Vash shivered in his hold, tilting his head back to allow further access. Wolfwood replaced his fingers with his mouth, scraping his teeth along the pale neck, making Vash let out small, breathy noises at the contact. He pulled the collar down on shirt that Vash was wearing and travelled to his collarbone, licking at the hollow there. The blond tangled his fingers in Wolfwood’s hair, pressing himself up into him.

Wolfwood grabbed Vash with no warning, making the blond man gasp, and hauled him up to his feet, pressing their bodies together and kissing him heatedly. Their tongues began warring, hands travelling and exploring, gasps and moans penetrating the otherwise silent room. It was only a matter of time until their shirts left their bodies, Wolfwood tracing one of the many scars that adorned Vash’s body with his hand as he kissed another on his shoulder, his mind screaming at him that this was all so pathetic. This—all of this—was so messed up that he could hardly wrap his head around it. Here was the man he was leading towards disaster, ensuring that he would not be killed or harmed in the process, and for what? A confrontation with a brother who wanted the entirety of the human race exposed of. It was all so ridiculous, so ironic, that he started laughing, unable to stop himself.

Vash pulled back, regarding him with a serious expression. Wolfwood’s laughter died down, now almost sounding like choked sobs, and he shielded his eyes with the hand that wasn’t around Vash’s waist. Vash wrapped his arms protectively around the priest’s shoulders, kissing his neck with such tenderness and devotion that it almost made Wolfwood cry in earnest. He drew in a shaky breath and put his cheek atop the mess of blond hair beneath him. Vash’s scent encompassed him, shrouding him in a safety net he could only find in the solace of the other man’s arms. It was a nice place to be; it was too bad that it never lasted very long.

Wolfwood composed himself after a long minute and gently pushed Vash down on the bed, leaning down and capturing his mouth again, silently praying for this time to last longer than the others. Vash moaned when he bit down at the juncture between his neck and shoulder, hard and persistent, wordlessly showing his anger for their situation. Vash seemed to understand; he brought his hands up and ran them down Wolfwood’s back, soothing him in the way only he could do. Gently Wolfwood tugged at his pants, breathing heavily on his neck, inhaling that intoxicating scent. The other man lifted his hips, allowing him to discard of the article of clothing that separated them.

Funny, he thought as he got rid of his own. Seems like everything’s trying to separate us nowadays.

They swept back into their familiar routine. Wolfwood rested one hand on Vash’s ribcage, the other beside his head; Vash still clung to his back as if trying to find a way to remain weighted to the ground. He was unable to stop the flow of moans and sharp intake of breaths as he moved, gazing down wonderingly at the being beneath him. Vash opened his eyes and met his, the intensity in them almost too much for Wolfwood to bear. He cried out and dug his fingers into the marred flesh, bowing his head as a wave hit him. Vash’s back arched off the bed, his head thrown back. Wolfwood planted a quick kiss on his throat before collapsing beside him. He found himself immediately embraced by the blond man, his face nuzzling into the groove of Wolfwood’s neck; their hearts beat at a fast and steady pace against one another. The priest sighed and ran his fingers through the sweat-dampened hair.

Several minutes of silence crawled by. Wolfwood thought that Vash had probably fallen asleep. He, however, was quite awake. He was still haunted by his earlier thoughts.

Sure, he could have walked away. Walked away and never come back. And that would have probably been for the better. After all, what was he now? Nothing more than a gunman who had betrayed his master, which meant no happy endings in his future. Of course, if he left now, that would mean less protection for the one to get rid of his master, to possibly make this shitty world a better place than it was now. And the one who could do that was in his arms.

Yes, he could have left…He could have gone back to the orphanage, maybe, and helped take care of all those he had befriended back before the Eye of Michael had gotten their claws on him. No, maybe that would be too painful. But he could start an orphanage of his own, maybe. That would be worthwhile. That would be…a solution.

Vash stirred a little, breaking his concentration. The blond stilled for a moment before he murmured something into Wolfwood’s shoulder.

“What was that, tongari?”

Vash leaned back a little, still hiding his face. “I said I don’t want to leave this place tomorrow. Can we stay an extra day, maybe?”

Wolfwood blinked. He couldn’t help the small smile that spread across his face. “Yeah, sure. Whatever you want.”

The other man took a deep breath, resting his forehead against his chest. More silence, until:

“Wolfwood?”

“Mm?”

“I’m really glad that you’re here. I mean, with me. I…” He trailed off, shrugging uncomfortably. Wolfwood, however, knew exactly what he was saying—or in this case, avoided saying—and nodded a little.

“I know. Me too.”

Vash sighed and let his muscles relax in Wolfwood’s grip, finally drifting off into the sleep that he needed. Wolfwood stared at the blond hair between his fingers for a long time until he, too, could manage to do the same.

He shouldn’t be here. He could be doing so much more. But really, he thought in those moments right before sleep took him completely, this was worthwhile. It meant one more day together.