A Matter Of Profit

A Matter Of Profit
[Modern AU]

Prologue - An Excuse For Testosterone Pumped Monkeys To Hump Each Other

As he observed the slow revolution of the ceiling fan, vaguely wondering when it was finally going to pick up enough speed to throw off the dirty sock draped over one of it’s blades, Sanzo had an epiphany. Laying there, sprawled out on the floor in his oldest, holiest sweats (that he wasn’t entirely sure had started out a dull gray), he was hit with a clarity that is rarely achieved in the span of the human lifetime. In the midst of the unusual experience, one thought crashed through Sanzo’s brain with all the subtlety of a bowling ball rolled through one’s Great Grandmother Eugene’s oldest China.

His life was pathetic.

Okay, so it wasn’t that great as far as epiphanies went, and in all honesty, wasn’t even that much of a surprise. But still, the stark inadequacies of his existence had never been so clear as in that moment, watching that smelly, dirty sock cling stubbornly to the rotating blade above him. Yes, most definitely, without a doubt, PATHETIC.

As if to add insult to injury, the sock chose that moment to dislodge from its sticky hold on the fan, falling through the air and landing with a disgusting splat against Sanzo’s face. Lying still with shock, Sanzo suddenly realized that this wasn’t his sock, as he didn’t wear shorty ones and he most definitely didn’t sweat this much. At least, he hoped not. Gross. He lifted a lazy hand, brushing the sock away, too used to his roommate’s lack of hygiene to be truly bothered by it. Just a little guy fluid. No problem. Once you got past the fact it smelled like cornflakes.

His ears were suddenly assaulted, no, practically raped by the chime of that monstrosity Banri liked to call a clock in the corner. It just sounded so, so… aged. Really, who went to their grandmother’s funeral (Sanzo hadn’t even known Banri knew his mom, let alone his grandmother), and came back with a giant, worn, not to mention broken grandfather clock? Banri had said that it had meant a lot to his grandmother and was a Victorian - or was it Andalu-something? - antique. Frankly, Sanzo doubted it. For one thing, he was pretty sure that the clock was more of a punishment than a gift, and that it had been intended as such by the old hag. Secondly, if it really was that old, it would probably be worth something on some market. And if that were the case, Banri would have pawned it off by now so he could buy that Moped he had been eyeing for a few months.

A Moped. Excuse Sanzo while he gagged. Honestly, couldn’t Banri just get a scooter? It would be less expensive and then Sanzo could tell people he was mentally retarded. With a Moped he’d just have to tell them he was stupid. With the retarded excuse, Sanzo would get genuine sympathy for taking the man in as a roommate despite his condition, maybe even get a few favors out of some saps. But with the stupid thing, he’d either get pity, which he could understand but not tolerate, or laughter, which would in turn result in someone going home with a black eye.

Though Sanzo supposed it was partially his fault, what with the whole messing with the breaks in Banri’s car thing. But the little dipshit had deserved it after the doorknob stunt. Especially considering who his neighbor was…

Not feeling like getting up, Sanzo rolled over a few times to get a good look at Good Old Fucker Time. Apparently… it was 3:17 in the morning. Yeah right. Maybe in Switzerland. Fishing his cell-phone out of his pocket, he flipped it open and took a quick glance at the screen. 5:14 in the afternoon. That’s what he thought. It was now official. That clock was going, whether Banri liked it or not. Sanzo didn’t care if he did pay half the rent, that piece of shit was…

Oh wait. That’s right. Banri didn’t pay half the rent. He wasn’t even technically Sanzo’s roommate, though Sanzo often forgot considering Banri practically lived here now. The sock on the fan and the underwear strewn about his bedroom floor were proof enough of that. Nope, Banri was just a bum moocher friend that Sanzo had long given up on trying to get rid of. Not that he had never tried. But really, the least the lazy ass could do was pay some boarding and dump that ticking time bomb out the window…

Sanzo decided that the next time he saw Banri, no matter where they were or what they were doing, he was going to hit him. Hard. Preferably in a sensitive area of the body. Just on principle alone, really.

Right as he was working up the energy to lever himself off the floor and see if he had anything to eat around the house, preferably something NOT past its expiration date, his phone began to ring. Eyes widening in horror, he stared down at the small device, the merry notes of Barbie Girl ringing through the room.

…Banri was going to DIE.

~*~*~*~

“When did you touch my phone and what the hell were you high on to change my ring-tone to Barbie Girl, you dick-licking pansy?”

Those were Sanzo’s first words upon answering Banri’s call, the questions practically spat out, his voice dripping venom. Barbie Girl? Excuse him, how GAY could someone get before they needed a special permit or an enclosed warning?

“Huh?”

Yup, thought Sanzo as he rubbed the skin between his eyebrows, still sprawled across the floor. That’s the ever intelligent Banri I’ve grown to know and loathe.

“You heard me. Now talk.”

“Dude, I never touched your phone, why would I… wait, um, okay, I did touch it once. But I was really in the mood for take out and my last phone got broke when that skank asked me to shove it up….”

“Banri. Please. For both our sakes, and the continuation of my sanity, never talk to me about your sex life.”

“Wha? …DUDE! I didn’t mean it like THAT! Heh. It’s actually a really funny story. You see, it all started with that weird blow up manikin they have in front of that goth shop at the mall, you know, the one with the “100% realistic anatomy!” or so they say…”

“Spare me the details. When did your grubby little fingers come in contact with something of mine?”

“Hey man, I only used it to order some of those kick-ass noodles from the Chinese place down the block. I didn’t mess with anything, I swear! I know how bitchy you get when people touch shit you think they shouldn’t, and believe me, it’s not something I would wish down upon anyone.”

…Sanzo would ignore that insult, but only because he wanted to know who the hell had corrupted his new cell. Kicking Banri’s ass could wait till later, and it wasn’t like he really needed a reason to do that.

“Oi, Sanzo, you don’t think it was your creepy neighbor again, do you? I mean, I know he busts in out of boofoo fucking nowhere when you’re home-”
“Thanks to you removing my doorknob, asshole. I’ll never forget that, by the way.”

“-yeah, yeah. Whine, whine, bitch, bitch. You had it coming. Anyway, as I was saying, you don’t think he’s coming in and touching shit when you’re not around to stop him, do you?”

Sanzo stayed silent for a moment or two, before opening his contact table and scrolling down. When he came to the name “Hazel Grosse” and it had four little hearts in the rating meter beside it, he let out a long sigh. Why did he always have to attract freaks? First Banri, who he had managed to get used to, he supposed, but now this piece of work?

“You’re right, it was that little creep.”

“Really? How’d ya tell?”

“You don’t want to know.”

“Dude, not asking. But really, you should get a restraining order or something. I nearly had a heart attack when he walked in on me taking a shower, thinking it was you-”

“Once again Banri, there really is such a thing as too much information. Please learn the line that is not to be crossed.”

“Whatever. But back to my story, ya see this blowup…”

“Banri, what the hell did you call me for?”

“Oh. OH! That’s right! Okay man, listen. I know you’re not really into it, but there’s a football game tonight and-”

“First of all, why is it called football? The ball hardly ever touches their feet. Second, since when have I shown enough school spirit to go to any athletic event? That’s easy to answer. Never. And third, who wants to go see a sport that’s just an excuse for a bunch of testosterone pumped monkey’s to hump each other? I’d rather keep down what little lunch I had.”

“-blah, blah, blah. I’ve heard this all before. But why not? C’mon, you can’t tell me you’re actually DOING something other than lying on the floor, staring up at your fan for the fifty-millionth time. Get out, the world is a big, beautiful place to be!”

“I prefer my small, crumby world, thank you.”

“I’m sure you do, you eternal pessimist. But I really want to go, and it’s lame to go alone to something like this. Please.”

“You’re plotting something but you don’t have any money to pay for a ticket, do you?”

“Not a cent on me. And I’m not plotting anything, I just promised I’d give a buddy of mine a ride home after the game.”

“No way. You have friends? Holy shit, maybe you’re not the total social reject I always thought you were…”

“Ha ha, very funny. But what does that say about you, oh high and mighty one, since you’re my friend?”

“That I’m above any worms I might further contact in that dump we call a school, and that you are practically impossible to kill.”
“Well that’s just… hey. Does that mean you’ve tried?”

“Not relevant. But why should I go with you to something I won’t enjoy, pay for your ticket, and then tolerate your ‘buddy’ on the ride back?”

“Because, if you go to one of these games, and you bring your student ID, even if you have to pay for the tickets, there are other perks. Man, we are talking FREE FOOD.”

“…I’m listening.”

“You just go to the concession stand, flash your ID, and BA-BAM! As many hotdogs and nachos as you can shovel down your throat in an hour and a half! So, whadaya say?”

…Had Sanzo mentioned that he hadn’t paid the rent yet that month, and he was almost completely out of food? And the tickets only cost two dollars… all you could eat, and for less than he could get even one course anywhere else.

“…When can you pick me up?”

“I’m on my way now, should be about five- uh, make that two minutes. Danm brakes gave out on the big intersection, fucking-”

Sanzo hung up, not really feeling like hearing Banri cuss both him, other drivers, and the car out. Absentmindedly fingering a hole in the left butt-cheek of his sweats, he concluded that a change of clothes might be wise. Preferably something that didn’t come within centimeters of revealing his more vital bits.

Picking up a pair of jeans off the floor and sniffing them to see if they were okay for one more use before wash, his earlier epiphany came back to him. Yes, he thought as he dropped his sweats to the living room floor, not bothering to pull on underwear before slipping on the jeans.

Absolutely, Utterly Pathetic.

~*~*~

It wasn’t exactly hard for Sanzo to tell when Banri was getting close to the apartment complex, waiting out on the corner. The sound of screeching tires, blaring horns, and the occasional scream of a pedestrian was pretty much a dead giveaway. That’s what happened when a car’s breaks gave out and the driver was too broke to get them fixed. But Sanzo swore, if that idiot got himself arrested again, Sanzo was so not busting him out of jail this time. In fact, he’d go to the police station, get them to take him to Banri’s cell, and he would stand there all night and just laugh at the loser. Maybe taunt him with a bag of Cheetos through the bars, just to really make him suffer.

Banri was such a frequent inmate, Sanzo thought that the cops might let him get away with it. That’s what happened when you went to the station so much that you knew all the cops by their first name. Last time he had bailed Banri’s ass out, that scruffy one- what was his name, Shuei? - had even been nice enough to give him a doughnut and a cup of coffee. Sanzo liked Shuei, he was cool, not uptight like some of the goody-goodies you found in the police force. Sometimes the man even seemed to get a kick out of Sanzo’s stories, especially the ones detailing exactly how Banri had managed to get his ass incarcerated yet again.

Yeah, he was cool. It was too bad his talents were being wasted as a cop.

Oh well, wasn’t Sanzo’s place to judge, he supposed. Just as long as Shuei kept cutting the bail amount in half and offering the occasional treat. That was the only reason Sanzo even came to get Banri out anymore.

That, and the dick was the only one who could ever find his keys in the morning.
Lighting up a cig, Sanzo watched with bored eyes as Banri slid around the corner, doing at least fifty, and nearly hitting the old man Jikaku as he straightened out. Freaky old geezer just grinned and waved though, used to Banri and his driving after two years of dealing with it, day after day. Had to give the old man credit, he had some guts. Either that or he was senile. Or maybe at that age, it was only a matter of time before you died, so you didn’t much care anymore. Sanzo didn’t really give a shit as to which it was, only that the family wouldn’t care enough about the death to sue if Banri did happen to hit the geezer one day.

Finally the car slid to a stop in front of him, forced into park while still moving, since that was the only surefire way to get it to stop. Hoping Banri got a serious case of whiplash, Sanzo took his time in straightening up, ambling over to the car at a sedate pace. Wasn’t like it was going anywhere, it wouldn’t start for a few minutes after that last stunt. Hopping in, he snagged his jeans on the door edge, ripping a hole in his knee even wider. Great, and these were his good jeans too. They only had two holes in them, and they weren’t even that big. Well, at least his shirt was in good condition. Mostly.

Looking over at his companion, Sanzo comforted himself in the knowledge that he still looked more presentable than Banri. At least his clothes weren’t more closely related to shreds, and definitely weren’t covered in oil stains. He must have been trying to figure out what Sanzo did with the breaks again. Too bad he had no idea how cars worked, he might actually stand a chance. Not that it stopped the noob from trying, since it wasn’t like he could make the breaks much worse.

“’Sup man?” Banri said, grinning at him in that wicked way of his. Wiggling non existent eyebrows in a suggestive manner (why the hell did the guy shave them? Made him look gayer than Brokeback Mountain…), he thrust a thumb toward the back seat. Twisting around, Sanzo was met with the sight of the “Goth Store’s” display blow-up doll. So that’s what the bastard looked so smug about. Huh, but Sanzo could see why Banri would be interested in jacking it.

It really did have 100% realistic anatomy.

His roommate really was the biggest pervert in existence. It wasn’t enough just to go buy his own blow-up doll, no, he got his rocks off on stealing the display one for his own personal use. Guess he wanted to get his money’s worth, even if he hadn’t paid for it. Sanzo didn’t even want to think of the sick little games Banri might use it for.

He had his own fantasies to occupy his mind. Maybe Banri would let him borrow it sometime. Turning back to the front and crossing his legs, Sanzo shot the seatbelt a look that would normally have been directed toward dog shit, or some other less than desirable substance. No way in hell, seatbelt’s were for pussies. If you were stupid enough to cause an accident, or weren’t quick enough to avoid one, you could damn well suffer the consequences.

Let it never be said that Sanzo was anything less than compassionate and generous toward his fellow man.

“Are we going or what? I don’t want to be caught in the same car as you with the evidence still in the backseat.” He was sure the well-known vehicle would get enough second looks at school for their “extra passenger,” and Sanzo wasn’t keen on collecting more of those than he had to. He had more than enough already, thank you very much. It was like a sort of curse that followed anyone constantly in Banri’s close vicinity. His own personal little rain cloud, complete with lightning bolts to strike him down at any given moment.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m goin’, just hold your horses princess.” Banri snarked back as he turned the key hard, kicking the dashboard a few times. Receiving a complaining groan, Banri just started kicking harder, hoping to knock something into place. That was Banri’s universal heal all, kicking stuff. Some people went to the fix-it shop, some had their duck-tape, but Banri had his kicking. Sanzo let it slide though, but only for one reason. He was the one Banri had learned it from.

Lifting up his own legs, he began nailing his side in time with Banri, shaking the bucket of metal back and forth. Finally, through their combined efforts, the metal can on wheels sputtered to life, taking short wheezy breathes that didn’t inspire much confidence in it’s handling ability. Satisfied that he had done his part, Sanzo laid his feet up on the dashboard, bracing himself for one wild ride.

~*~*~*~

By the time they pulled into the student parking section, Sanzo was ready to get the hell out of the running deathtrap and never take the ground for granted again. Banri had run five lights, seven stop signs, two pedestrian crossings, and nearly hit three cats, two other moving vehicles, and one little old lady crossing the street. And Sanzo was glad the car hadn’t chosen then to stop, cause the cuss words pouring out of that old lady’s mouth and the way she had waved that cane didn’t bode well. With her dentures nearly flying out from her screams, Sanzo had never seen a more terrifying sight in the rear view mirror. He guessed they were just lucky Banri had outrun the police car that had got on his tail for speeding, otherwise they would both be spending the night in jail. And there wasn’t anyone to bust them both out.

Except maybe Banri’s mother, but somehow, Sanzo thought there was a better chance of a snowball surviving a night in hell.

But still, he had an image to uphold. Calmly stepping out of the car, he ignored the fact that his hands were shaking as he brought his nearly forgotten cig to his lips. Taking a long drag to cool his nerves, he waited for Banri to turn the car off and get his slow ass out. He was the one that wanted to come, after all.

Finally Banri emerged, tucking his keys into his back pocket and gesturing for Sanzo to lead the way. With a raised brow, Sanzo started toward the stadium entrance, Banri trailing along beside him. He ignored the way other students were practically diving out of their path, and the whispers that trailed along behind him.

Yeah, if he were them, he’d fucking hate himself too. But that was their problem, not his, thank God.

Waiting in the suddenly non-existent line in front of the ticket booth, Sanzo reluctantly fished out a five dollar bill to pay his and Banri’s way into the game, tossing it onto the table in front of him. The little snit with the money box didn’t even look up before taking the money, ripping off two tickets before opening the box for Sanzo’s change. And of course he reached for the dirtiest, ugliest, most wrinkled one dollar bill of the bunch, Sanzo observed, letting out an unhappy growl. It served it’s purpose, startling the douche into looking up at exactly who he was serving. Eyes widening, the hand quickly changed it’s course, pulling out a crisp, clean dollar bill, the little suck-up even adding a free pop coupon to the mix to make up for the near grievous mistake.

It was good to be feared, Sanzo thought as he took the bill and the coupon, his smirk mirrored by Banri when he turned around. It made high school so much easier to get through when people didn’t try to get away with shit. The funny thing was, Sanzo and Banri didn’t even have to beat the shit out of some uppity punks to get their reputations, they just looked Ghetto enough that people tended to avoid them. Add that to the fact that they dressed in whatever crap they could dig up, lived on the bad side of town, and had been to jail more times than the rest of the school combined, and nobody wanted to get in their way on the assumption that they were gang bangers or something.

Well, they were half-right, they were in a gang. A lazy-ass gang that only got together when they were all too broke to pay the rent for the month, and needed to get some quick cash. But that was beside the point. Those preps had nothing to worry about, Sanzo wouldn’t even waste the breath necessary to explain to them why he wouldn’t kill them while they were sleeping. Not that it wasn’t tempting sometimes.

Leaving it up to Banri to find them seats, Sanzo looked over at the scoreboard, wondering how they were doing. The score, in the middle of the second quarter, was a riveting 0 - 0. Oh man, this was going to be a very LONG hour and a half.

Banri led him down to the student section, moving straight to the first row like it wasn’t already overcrowded with students full of WAY too much school spirit to be healthy. Sanzo eyed the noisemakers and face makeup with wary eyes, wondering if the cheer virus was contagious, since it was most definitely in season. Ew, now he would have to take an actual shower when he got home, he was feeling so violated. Nonetheless, he pressed forward after Banri as the platinum blonde tapped the shoulder of the guy sitting at the end of the row.

At first the rather tall guy didn’t take it very well, snapping his head around, mouth already open to bitch out whoever had the gall to distract him from the “Oh-so-exciting” game. Eyes looking confused for a moment as they stared straight over Banri’s head, they finally traveled down, down, and down some more till they met the short punk’s eyes. And Banri, the gay little shit, actually grinned and waved up at the behemoth’s stupefied expression. It took the guy a moment to register, but when he did, the guy was immediately flattened against the bleacher bench, leaving plenty of room for Banri and Sanzo to slip past in. As did the next person, and the next, until finally Banri sat them down smack dab in the middle of the bench, front row, center. And they didn’t have to arrive two hours early or anything.

Though they seemed to be surrounded by some sort of powerful force field, Sanzo observed as the other students seemed to radiate outwards from them, creating a perfect semi-circle of empty seats around them about ten feet in diameter. Discreetly bowing his head, he sniffed the air above his armpit, just in case. Nope, he was good. Leaning over till his head was above Banri’s he took another whiff.

…

Holy HELL, how long had it been since this fucker took a shower!?!? A year? Sanzo was used to stench and bodily odors, he was male, but this was downright toxic. Grabbing a water bottle at his feet, left behind by some scared peer, he quickly unscrewed the cap and upended it over Banri’s head, praying it would douse the stench enough to get them through the game and back to the apartment. Where Banri would be taking a shower. A very LONG shower.

“WHAT THE HELL MAN?! WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION!?”

“You reek, dicklick! When’s the last time you took a shower?” Sanzo didn’t acknowledge the fact that most of the student body was staring, and within hearing distance. But when Banri had to think about it, even start using his fingers to count, Sanzo had had enough. He needed to cool down for a moment, lest he finally give into temptation and ring Banri’s neck. Walking back out the isle, he looked back just in time to see Banri give one girl (Shunrei? Bah, like he knew or cared…) the finger as she wrinkled her dainty little nose at him. Stuck up bitch…. Just because some people didn’t have the money to pay big water bills….

Walking up to the concession stand, Sanzo suffered a moment of panic as he searched for his student ID. After all the trouble of coming to this game for the free food, he couldn’t have possibly been stupid enough to forget it, right?

Wrong. Dammit, he was a bigger retard than Banri. But he had remembered his driver’s license, maybe they’d take it? Sweating bullets in the line, he finally made it to the counter, and was immediately handed two hotdogs with everything on them, and a huge ass order of nachos. But, idiot that he was, he had to argue even when he got what he wanted.

“But you didn’t even check my ID!” Ugh. Open mouth, insert foot. You got the food, didn’t you. Now RUN LIKE HELL!

“Don’t worry about it, I know who you are Princess. And some of that there is for Jail-bait, now scram. You’re holding up the line.”

…He would say this, cafeteria workers truly were fearless people. Though they’d have to be to feed students the crap they did every day and not worry about health regulations. Balancing the free meal on his forearms, Sanzo slowly maneuvered his way back down the steps toward his seat. But it would be just his luck that some fat dude who looked more obese than Buddha just had to step out in the isle when Sanzo got to the third row up. And he had been so close too… now he just knew he was gonna drop something….

For the record, he hadn’t been TRYING to eavesdrop on the girls next to him, it had just sort of happened. Like global warming, or Michel Jackson. Basically a bunch of big opps’. Though he supposed this one was a good thing, glancing down at the hotdogs with narrowed eyes.

“God, how can you eat those things Naomi? Don’t you know what they’re made out of?”

“They’re hotdogs Mi-chan, they’re made out of cows.”

“Yeah, but what PART of cows? I was watching this documentary on TV the other day, do you know what they put in those things? They grind up all the leftover parts from the cow that they couldn’t use, including intestines, tongues, even their hooves! I’ll never touch one of those things again!”

“Are you serious? EW!”

…Okay, Sanzo was definitely giving these things to Banri. The fat ass was gone, and Sanzo was able to make his way back to his seat. Thankfully, without spilling anything. Maybe his luck wasn’t as bad as he thought. But, first things first.

“Hey Banri, want some hot dogs?”

“Sure thing man, thanks!”

~*~*~*~

The air smelled of unwashed male bodies, nearly suffocating in its overload of musk and testosterone. The crowd was roaring… and booing, but he was going to ignore that till tomorrow, since nobody had the guts to boo to his face. But most importantly, the cheerleaders were HOT, with his girlfriend right up front, getting more attention when she did the splits than Brittany Spears got for shaving her head. And he had to say, even if her head was empty… the two extra’s she had on her chest more than made up for it.

Yes, Sha Gojyo was in his element.

Crouching down, he glared across the invisible line separating the two teams from one another. Straight into an amused smile and smug leer. His lips curled up into an instinctive sneer as he stared into the eyes of one Cho Hakkai, quarterback of their rival school and Sha Gojyo’s mortal enemy.

He wasn’t really entirely one-hundred percent sure exactly when the animosity between them had begun… but he certainly knew why he couldn’t stand the guy under any circumstances. Really, what kind of GAY LORD smiled while playing football? It was a man’s sport, the players born of sweat, and pain, and… uh, more pain…. In any case, their was no place for smiles or courtesy here, unless you had just seriously stuffed a punk ass or were chatting up the ladies!

His voice coming out in an attempt at a threatening growl, “Let’s see if you can keep that smile when I rub your face in the dirt, mama’s boy.”

The smile didn’t even flinch, to his consternation. “Are you ready to eat this ball Gojyo?”

Oh, that was it. Puberty boy was going down. His antennas snapped to attention, twitching as he debated which play would wipe the smirk off this guy’s face. Finally, hit with inspiration (or glancing to the side and seeing the coach holding up a white board, same dif), he made his decision.

“Green 42! Green 42! Hut!”
The ball snapped back, straight into his ready hands, and he took a few steps back to look over his options. Okay… he had um… what’s-his-name on his left, and… er, that guy on his right… maybe he should actually learn the names of some of these guys, unimportant as they were….

Was anybody open? Jeez… his team really sucked… and he probably shouldn’t be thinking that right now, he was in the middle of a game after al- OHGODTHAT’SAFRICKINGHUGEGUY!

Gojyo was sure he saw his life flash before his eyes as he was tackled by a monster of a player. Lying there on the ground, holding the ball tight to his chest like he was afraid it would sprout legs and run off, he stared up at the sky as various scenes played before his gaze, remembering the good times.

Wow. There were a lot of boobs in this world. Strange how most of his best times seemed to involve them a lot. Or, maybe that wasn’t so strange, everybody knew the quarterback of any football team had to get some on a regular basis. It was practically a school rule, and if it wasn’t, well, it should be!

Finally the other player removed himself from Gojyo’s chest, allowing oxygen to enter his lungs once more. Shit… felt like he’d been squashed under a stone column or something. Shaking his head, he got up slowly, squinting to see the number on the back of the jackass who’d just tackled him. As his vision cleared he slowly managed to make out the numbers… 1... 3. Thirteen.

Shit! There was only one guy who had the number thirteen in any of the schools in town, and that was Homura. Gojyo felt he had just had a religious experience, he should be grateful to have survived that son of a bitch coming down on him. Though, he supposed that someone had stepped in to make Homura tone down the hostility just a little. It was only reasonable since he had the record for most induced injuries last season. Gojyo didn’t know anyone else who could pull off three broken arms, a shattered ankle, and countless concussions all in one season.

Too bad the guy wasn’t on his team, but of course that smug little pansy Hakkai got all the advantages.

Gojyo turned his gaze to rest on the scoreboard, just in time to see the clock run down to zero. The buzzer sounded, and he allowed himself a relieved grin. Hey, even if they hadn’t scored, at least the other team hadn’t either. Right now, that was good enough for him. Beating Hakkai was always a rush, but tying him was acceptable as long as he didn’t lose.

Gojyo waved the team to him, leading them towards the student section of the stands, and, more importantly, toward the dancing cleavag- ahem. He meant ladies. Removing his helmet, he shot the crowd his most charming and roguish grin, waiting for the cheers to start up, his eyes on his girlfriend the whole time. Hooran waved at him from her place in front, jumping up and down. Which made it very difficult to focus on her face, since her chest was just that much more captivating. His attention was only broken by the sound of loud, obnoxious booing from the stands, yelled in a voice he knew a lot better than he would like.

“BOO! HISS! BOOOOOOOOO! WHAT KIND OF FIRST HALF WAS THAT, YOU GAY COCK-SUCKERS! AND YOU, MR. “TOUGH GUY”, MAYBE IF YOU FOCUSED ON THE GAME AS WELL AS YOU FOCUS ON YOUR SKANK’S CHEST WE’D BE WINNING! BOOOOOOO!”

Gojyo was torn. One half of him was saying “Just go in the locker room and ignore the punk, he’s not worth it! Besides, that way, you can deny any and all connection with the little dick-lick!” He had a feeling that came from his more logical half. But the other part was yelling, in an absolutely grating tone not so far off from the one currently pissing him off, that he had a rep on the line here, and the whole school was watching. Meaning… he really needed to deal with this little “problem”.

Damn that Banri. Barely knew the guy, didn’t like the guy… and still, the guy managed to make his life a living hell. It just wasn’t fair. Why had he asked for a ride home again?

Oh yeah, because Jien was a dickhead who idolized that pussy Kougaiji, and was constantly abandoning his little brother to go support the mofo. Like he didn’t have enough supporters already, maybe he just needed a few on the side to wipe his ass for him. Who went and cheered for someone at a bloody martial arts tournament anyway? Gojyo didn’t care if the guy had won the state championship the last three years, so would he if he were filthy rich and had personal tutors coming out his ass. Though… Gojyo had a sneaking suspicion that Jien hung out with the guy more for the rich part than for the strong part.

It would make sense, considering his brother wasn’t a student of discipline by any means. It would also explain why he put up with “Kou” (Jien’s nickname, not his) continually addressing him by his middle name, Dokugakuji, which Jien hated. But of course he didn’t mind if “Kou” was the one doing it, since the sun shone out of the tip of his penis, apparently. Though, with the guy so good at marshal arts… maybe his brother was just scared of getting the shit beat out of him otherwise…. Didn’t make his less of a jackass though, for choosing his friend over his baby brother.

Gojyo shook his head, focusing once more. So, he was left with no car and no ride for the night, and it would be humiliating to ask anyone else for a ride, being a big man on campus. He had only met Banri a few times (detention, him for being late every once in a while, as was expected of the star football player, and Banri, well… nothing else needed to be said, as far as he was concerned.), but the little punk was the only person he knew that people didn’t talk to on a regular basis. Therefore, nobody would find out the turd had given him a ride home, Gojyo wouldn’t have to walk, and his reputation would remain in its proper place - star football player, so-so grades, smudged school record, and hot cheerleader girlfriend.

And really, it was so much easier to fit the expectation than to try and change it, after all.

Stomping up to the stands, he made note of the empty ring of seats around Banri before pulling himself up by the bars in front of the bleachers. Stuffing his face as close to Banri’s as he could, without seeming gay, he gave his best attempt at a threatening snarl. He didn’t think he did too badly, since he heard some student oooooh-ing in that way that was synonymous with “Busted!” But still, the guy had the absolute nerve to grin up at him, seeming perfectly at ease, sprawled out across three levels of benches.

Sometimes… it was really irritating that the most annoying guy in school could also be considered as fear-retarded. Whatever. Gojyo spoke in a low voice so they wouldn’t be overheard. That way, it would seem as though he were threatening Banri and getting away with it, and hopefully Banri would stick to the volume. Which would hide the fact that Gojyo would have more luck intimidating a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

“What the hell man, what is your problem?! Do you mind, I’ve got an image to uphold here, unlike you!” He couldn’t completely stop his eyes from glancing around at the crowd, though the angry scowl never left his face. His back was starting to inch from how much he was sweating, and it wasn’t from the game.

And there was that same shit-eating grin. Banri leaned forward, raising an eyebrow. “I like to whisper too. And don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing. Cause I do. And now you know that I know that you know that I know what you’re doing.”

…Right. Gojyo totally understood that. Mostly. Partly. The second half of that last sentence was a little foggy, but he got the gist. He could wing it. “If you know what I’m doing, why aren’t you stopping it?” UGH! Not what he meant to say! Open mouth, insert foot.

“Because I’m a nice guy like that, and I’m getting free food, which makes me happy. Which makes me an even nicer guy than usual, which is why I even agreed to give you a ride home today. So be grateful worm, otherwise I’d be forcing you to grovel before my greatness!”

Okay, this guy must have a radar capable of locating anyone and everyone’s last nerve. Gojyo felt his eye twitch, but held back because he was just a good guy like that, and the entire population of the school seemed riveted on this little exchange. Which he had initiated, and was subsequently regretting. Maybe there was something to that whole “think before you act” deal… nah. Just another stupid thing grown-ups said to you for “your own well-being” and other shit like that….

“So where’s the free food you’re so excited about? I don’t see any.” Why was he continuing to talk again?

“My buddy’s up getting it for us. Hope he remembered his I.D., though knowing him, it’s sitting on his night-stand at home. If that’s true, we should hear a lovely rendition of the word fuck, accompanied by the guest words shit, mother, damnitt, God, Jesus, cunt, tit, twat-”

“I get the point!” One hand came up to brush aside some red hair as Gojyo grunted in irritation, his antennas twitching restlessly. Before Banri’s statement actually hit him. “Wait a minute, you have friends? News to me. Maybe you aren’t the total social reject I always thought you were…”

“WHY does everybody keep saying that!? First Sanzo, who I should expect it from, but now YOU….”

“Whoa whoa whoa. Sanzo? Wait a minute… you mean princess?

“Princess? Dude, my friend is a dude.”

“Yeah, I know, it’s just a nickname some other guys on my football team use when they’re feeling particularly brave.” Gojyo frowned. “From what I’ve heard, this guy has a record that gives even yours a run for its money, and an attitude that would scare away an angry grizzly during mating season.”

“Ah, so you do know him.”

“Wrongo. Never met the guy, never even seen him. We’re not in any classes together, and I never really pay attention in the halls.”

“Yeah, that’s because your stuffed in the janitors closet, making out with the “lip-gloss flavor” of the day. Really, if only Hooran knew what you got up to during your free-time….”

“Half the time its her, and she has no complaints. As for the other half… I think of it as a bonus reward to my ‘extracurricular’ activities, being quarterback and all. Besides, she’s got her head full of cheerleading, diets, makeup magazines… she doesn’t need to worry her pretty little breas- I mean, head with that sort of thing. I’ve only got her best interests at heart.”

“Sure you do. Nice save there by the way. But I’ll give you this, she does have some of the best knockers I’ve ever seen. No offense or anything, she is your ‘girlfriend’ after all.”

“I thought so too, and none taken.”

“Anyway, he should be coming down any minute now, so I’d suggest moving your ass before he moves it for you. He’s got a bit of a grudge against football players.”

“Why’s that?”

“He got hit on by one last year.”

“You’re joking. Which one?”

“You know that guy who had to quit because of three broken fingers and a dislocated kneecap?”

“…Hint taken.”

“How’s he doing, by the way?”

“Don’t know, never cared.” Gojyo rolled his eyes. Like he’d keep tabs on a football player gay enough to hit on another guy. “So…” he started again, hating the slightly awkward silence that had begun, “Why do they call him ‘princess’ anyway?”

“Dude, when you look, you’ll see. And no, it’s not because he’s gay. At least… I don’t think he’s gay. I could be wrong, you understand….”

“And why don’t you think he’s gay with a nickname like ‘Princess’?”

Banri almost looked affronted at the question. “Because, he’s never once tried to come on to me, that’s why! So I know for a fact that he can’t be gay….”

“Because you’re every gay guy’s walking wet dream, right?”

“Damn straight! Or, uh, bent, considering the subject and all….”

“Whatever. Listen, I’ve gotta get into the locker room, the coach is probably having an aneurism in my honor right now….”

“How nice of him. OH! Before you go….” What was it now? “What nickname do I have if Sanzo is ‘Princess?’ Studmuffin? Hotstuff? Sex-On-Legs?”

Gojyo allowed himself a smirk. This… this could work in his favor. “Actually… they call you jailbait.” And with that, he slid down, glorying in Banri’s all at once insulted and devastated expression. He heard a murmur go through the students, sounding vaguely admiring. He let his smirk grow even wider with the eyes his girlfriend was giving him. Yep, he, Sha Gojyo, had just told off the biggest punk-ass in the school, and had gotten away with it too. At least, that’s what it looked like.

And nobody ever had to know any differently, as far as Gojyo was concerned. With one last jaunty wave to his adoring fans, even the REALLY fat kid standing in the aisle of the third row, he walked under the stands and through the locker room door, not even caring that he was about to get his ass chewed big time.

Sha Gojyo, star quarterback, was on top of the world tonight. And nothing could ruin that.

He really shouldn’t have underestimated Banri. One would think he’d know better by now.

~*~*~*~*~*~

When they added their scores together (not that they were keeping track), Banri and Sanzo, together, had managed to devour, within the space of fifteen minutes, six large orders of nachos, four hotdogs (all Banri), and a packet of skittles they had fond in the bleachers. Sanzo absentmindedly sipped at the large soda the man in the concession stand had given him for free, saying something about dehydration after so much junk food or some other tosh. But he wasn’t gonna complain, it was free, after all.

But for some reason Banri seemed to be in a bit of a mood, as it were. Huh, and the guy had the nerve to hint about Sanzo having PMS, he needed to take a good long look in a mirror or something…. Not that the sight of his own features would be anything less than a horrific experience though. Hm… it wasn’t as much fun insulting Banri in his head as it was to do it out loud. He got robbed of the whole indignant reaction, which was the reason he insulted Banri in the first place.

That, and because the guy was a gay little jerk off. But who was Sanzo to judge?

Anyway, they were nearing the end of the third quarter, and STILL, neither team had scored. Damn, football had always been stupid, but this was just boring. He wanted some blood dammit! Maybe even a broken bone or two! Just to spice up the experience a little bit, not at all because he hated most of the football players on their team and wished terrible, painful deaths down upon them daily, and had actually attempted to make a voodoo doll of that one running back….

Not at all. Just for the experience. Really. And it wasn’t as if he was wishing any particular harm on that running back. Honestly, he was surprised to see him playing again this year.

Broken fingers and dislocated kneecaps were some serious shit, after all. He allowed himself a smirk of recollection in honor of that memorable day….

Princess his ass.

“Hey man, I’ll be right back, k? I got some, uh… stuff to do.”

Sanzo blinked over at Banri, surprised but not impressed. “Stuff?” Yeah, Sanzo could imagine the type of “stuff” Banri was planning on doing. The kind of stuff that got his ass shoved in jail on a regular basis, that’s what.

“You’re going to do something stupid that will have me bailing your ass out again, aren’t you?”

Banri had the decency to look vaguely affronted. “God, what is with the mistrust? I told you, it should only take a minute or so. I’ll be done by the fourth quarter, scout’s honor!”

“You were never a scout, so don’t try to pull that lame ass trick on me. In fact, you beat up a group of girl scouts and stole all the cookies they were selling once. And I should know, I helped you do it.”

“Blah blah blah… Stop living in the past man! Just take a chill pill or something!”

Sanzo watched Banri saunter away with narrowed eyes, a dark frown on his face. Somehow… he had a very bad feeling about this. Banri was up to something, and fuck it all if Sanzo knew what. He was going to let him rot in jail this time, seriously he was… but even that thought didn’t comfort him as he eventually lost sight of Banri in the crowd.

He really just preferred to keep Banri within sight at all times. Made life so much safer.

But at the moment, he refused to worry about it. He just didn’t see the point, really. After all, his stomach was full, he hadn’t had to pay more than a few bucks the whole night, and everyone was leaving him the fuck alone. What more could a guy ask for?

Even if he was a football game. He could make the most of it though. Not all of the guys on the football team were jackasses, at least, the ones he didn’t know. That meant he could feel free to check them out all he wanted, free of charge. When his attention wasn’t focused on the cheerleaders’ chests, that is. Ah, the perks of being bi- one always found a source for sexual fantasies.

Not that he’d ever tell Banri he was interested in men, even though he was still interested in women. God knew what kind of reaction the little freak would have to the bombshell. Sanzo had a feeling, knowing Banri and his vastly over-inflated ego, that the little twerp would get the idea that Sanzo wanted his ass. And Sanzo only had one thing to say to that.

Not in a million fucking years.

It wasn’t that Banri was unattractive or anything… in fact, the little bastard was actually pretty good looking. Once you got past the shaved eyebrow thing. But no… Sanzo knew Banri a little too well to go anywhere near that kind of relationship. It’d be like fucking his little brother… no, that was wrong. More like fucking your family pet. And now he was going to try very hard to get those pictures out of his head, thank you.

Sanzo took an absentminded sip of his drink, eyes shifting between players, looking for an ogle worthy as to fixate on. The other team’s quarterback wasn’t bad… and that #13 had one of the greatest bodies Sanzo had ever seen, though he was a bit too buff for his taste…. He huffed softly, his eyes narrowing into an intense leer as he continued to scar the field. And… Bingo. Target set and ready to fire.

Damn that was a good ass. It took Sanzo a few moments to tear his eyes off it to see exactly who it belonged to, and he couldn’t hold back a sigh when he finally did. It figured it would have to be their quarterback. It was official.

His existence was the punch line in the big joke called life.

Sha Gojyo, owner of said damn good ass, resident playboy, and just about the straightest bastard to be found. Also one of the banes of Sanzo’s existence. His entire life represented everything Sanzo hated in the world, as as far as he was concerned, people like Sanzo didn’t even exist.

Which only made Sanzo want to hit that damn good ass even more. He hated dicks like that! So much for ogling that rear, Sanzo just couldn’t do it without driving himself insane. He’d just stick with the quarterback on the other team… Cho, he read on the back of the uniform. Short, but he liked it.

Content to sit back and leer to his hearts content, Sanzo was startled by the buzzer as it announced the end of the third quarter. And still, no scores on either side. He wondered how the cheerleaders could keep smiling, though it did look a bit strained. Looked painful, actually. There was a reason Sanzo didn’t smile, after all. Took too much effort, it was so much easier just to have no expression on your face. Effective at keeping away all those charity case do-gooders who thought you just needed help. Who worked so hard to see through the cold exterior…

…to the unemotional rock underneath. Oh yes, Sanzo had been many a girl and guy’s disappointment. And he loved every minute of it.

He was drawn out of his musings by a shriek from the stands, his head, as well as a hundred others, swiveling towards the noise. He saw a girl (wasn’t it Rinrei? Who cared though, just another one of Sha’s sluts…) pointing down at the field, her eyes wide and shocked and her cheeks flushed a bright red. Following the path her finger made, his eyes were eventually drawn to a lone figure, making a steady path across the middle of the field.

Correction. A butt-ass naked figure, making a steady path across the middle of the field. It wasn’t until the figure got closer to the center that Sanzo recognized who it was.

He knew letting that bastard walk off had been a bad idea.

FUCK! Fuck, fucking fucker…. What the hell was he thinking!?!?

Sanzo watched in abject horror as two cops appeared out of boofoo fucking nowhere, catching Banri just as he made it to the opposite end of the field. One on either side, they carefully escorted him (keeping a hold of his arms, but making sure not to get to close, as their captive was 100% nude) to a police car waiting on the curb.

Won’t do something that’ll get his ass thrown in jail MY ass!

Sanzo slumped down in his seat, his teeth grinding with frustration as he watched the cop car drive away towards the police station. Throwing his pop down in a quick fit of fury, he was unaware that he wasn’t the only one cursing Banri for his ill timed stunt.

There goes my fucking ride home.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Nonononononono no no no No No No NO!

Sha Gojyo was going to kill himself after tonight, really he was. The game was a total suck-fest, neither side having so much as a point going in to the fourth quarter. He was already not going to get laid tonight, on account of needing a ride home since his brother wasn’t there. Not to mention his step-mom would, without a doubt, bitch him out as soon as he got there, for one thing or another. And it didn’t even matter if he had actually done anything. Normally his step-mom really wasn’t too bad, they had a sort of understanding. They ignored each other entirely. And when they had to talk to one another, all communication was directed through Jien, being the neutral party.

But it was that time of the month. And when mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.

But now, to top it all off, the little dick had to go and streak across the field, naked as the day he was born, and get his ass arrested.

Fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck!

Gojyo was doomed.

There goes my fucking ride for the night. How could this get any worse?

With his crappy luck tonight, it would probably start to rain.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: Wow, that took a long time to type. And it was only the prologue too. I’m planning on making the chapters even longer, and hopefully not taking a month to type them up… *sigh* I’m going to grow old and die before I finish even one fiction….

Anyway, I'll try to have the next chapter within the next two weeks, but I'm gonna warn anyone interested not to hold their breath. Reviews are nice, but not necessary, cause I'm mostly doing this cause I want to anyway. If you have suggestions or requests, please tell me, I'd be happy to at least hear them. I'm gonna warn you though, read my bio (on my fan fiction.com account page until I have the one for this site up), , at least the part near the end if you want to request a pairing. You'll see why. And I've already got the main and one sub-pairing picked out for this fic, but I'm still looking for a possible second sub-pairing. My rules in my bio only apply to the main pairing really, I'm completely open to sub-pairings between everyone. So fire away!

Oh, and... I'm not really shy about anything when writing, so there will be smex, and there's obviously less-than-wholesome language. So, well, consider yourself warned. The rating is there for a reason people! X3

As for flames... feel free to send them. BRING IT ON YOU BASTARDS! XD I don't really care if somebody hates my writing. It's as simple as this. DON'T READ IT. I actually enjoy getting flames sometimes, makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Cause all the greatest authors had their critics in their time, it makes me feel a bit more professional and noteworthy, as weird as that sounds. And no, I'm not a masochist... sadist, however... 3

Also, I've already had some friends proofread for me, but I'd love an experienced beta to look this over if they want. When I've been here long enough, and have enough stories in, I plan on becoming a beta myself. I think it'll be fun, plus I'll get to read stuff before anyone else. YAY! I think I should pursue a career as a critic later in life, on the off note. Just because it sounds like the easiest job ever. C'mon people, you're paid to tell people your opinion of something, and you can be as rude as you want to boot! How is that not an amazing job?

Anyway, I should probably stop now, I tend to ramble on and on when I start typing. In case you didn't notice *points up* I like to talk/type a lot. Once I get started, I have a hard time shutting up. So yeah. This is me. Shutting up. Like, right now. Right. ...Yeah.

Till next time!