Flirting and esteem

The door clicked shut but Usopp was already awake in the bed, despite seeming otherwise. Sanji. Back from the tavern, he correctly guessed through shut eyes. From here he could smell the man. The womens perfume overpowering the cooks smokey natural scent.

The cook ambled to the bed and Usopp could feel the chefs gaze on him. Sanjis hand brushes away a few of the dark curls and touches his cheek.

This was Sanji. His flirtations with girls, that he promised were innocent fun, was a part of who he was. Usopp didn’t like the way he felt about it. Sanji loved him, comforted him, and trusted him. Usopp felt the same, on the ship. In town that was another mater.

He couldn’t help but feel suspicious or maybe it was a bitter jealously. Why did the cook need to go have fun with girls, when HE was right here? The girls loved Sanji and swarmed over him, a few extra drinks or a few especially kind words…it seemed inevitable that Sanji would forget the sniper and give in. A question of when, not if, and that didn’t feel fair.

Sanji laid behind the man and slipped an arm around him, a beautiful and nimble hand slipping under his shirt.

Usopp knew that was who Sanji was…and still loved him but he hadn’t counted on this disgusting feeling. Maybe he had a self esteem problem. If he could be Nami, he could just ask for Sanji to stay and he would. If he were Zoro he could throw Sanji on the bed and fight passionately until the chef gave in. If he were Luffy he could casually lick Sanji clean of the smell and make him regret going out to begin with.

But he wasn’t. He was Usopp. He wanted the gentle Sanji. The one that would come and make love to him like he was precious. That same Sanji, did he know that when he came to bed horny and smelling like unfamiliar women that his male lover felt like he was invisible? That the essence of all the women Sanji wanted to fuck came home on his skin and was smeared on to Usopps body.

When they were not out to sea or running on an adventure, when Sanji grinded into him…it was like Usopp was just a body that the feminine company the blond had just left finished the in. He became just a hole for the whores to steal awhile his lover from him with.

It was in his head. Yet it didn’t change it.

Sanji deserved someone who loved him completely. He had been so sure he was the one to do it.

Usopp pushes Sanjis hands off him as he had for the last few nights. Sanjis hurt sigh came quickly and the blond stood and walked back to the door.

“We are still nakama. You deserve someone you’re not disgusted by…”

Usopp wanted to yell out, to call the blond back, to assure him that one he was disgusted by was himself… but stayed silent as the cook shut the door behind him. He had expected the tears. The silent lies were always the most painful.