Queen of whores

A gift fiction for dear karuune from lj.
Besides, the original.

Pairing: Sanzo/Gojyo
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: language, light BDSM (bondage, dominance, kink)
Now, please enjoy!
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Queen of whores
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Sanzo plunged into me another time as I was still trying to deal with the pain and bliss of the last shove.
A lusty moan from my monk assured me that he enjoyed it more than was healthy for him…and above all, for me. How his dainty fingers gripped my hips and how his fingernails dug into my skin sent a shiver down my spine every time I made myself conscious of it again.
It was a rare picture. This time Sanzo was someone else; he had told me to call him his whore and then showed me a marvellous smirk which told of infinite pleasure if I accepted it.

I did not know what was going on inside his head when he wanted to be on top, I knew him to be the one to rather tell me what to do from the bottom but I could get used to this, too. His balls slapped against mine, a fervent cry left his divine lips to tease my overly stimulated cock just yet again and I gasped in bliss. He was doing it with a perfection I had not believed he held, where should he have got the practice necessary for being such a…tremendously good…fucker…gods…Sanzo was tormenting my balls, mercilessly.

And the funny thing was that he was moaning even more loudly than I while he did it. His fingers dug into the soft flesh, rubbing bony substance against squashy orbs of pure bliss-I jerked forward, and his cock nearly fell from my ass but he was quick-thinking and one second later his cock was to be found in my pleasurably wet hole again. A dull grunt sent a shiver down my spine…I loved listening to him when he had lost control in the heat of the spectacle.

“Don’t dare escape”, he huffed in a raw voice, hoarse from lust and muffled by sheer loss of control over the part he was so afraid to leave unwatched. Only when he fucked me did he truly come out of his shell.

I whined and pushed my ass back against his thighs until I felt his pubes tickling my ass cheeks to show him that I deserved some punishment for having the gall to buck the priest’s command of holding still and bearing it without complaint.

Sanzo gasped with pleasure as I offered him my ass like that and brought him such bliss, and he just closed his fingers around my shaft but left two of them resting on my sack, poking and scratching it. A deep-throated growl was drawn from me as he pressed his thumb against the throbbing vein on the underside of my begging cock. Sanzo could act just as coarsely as I could when I was turned on enough to see Sanzo as my victim. I could feel him shuddering when I growled, I knew that hearing these sounds from me was the affirmation he needed when he fucked me. Like he wanted to bruise me as badly as possible to show me that he was capable of this, too.

The priest drew back, slowly, while he let his fingers brush over my hard cock until they arrived at the tip of it…amazing because his ring finger was still pricking my balls. But he didn’t touch it…instead I heard an insane chuckle, and one moment later Sanzo slammed his dick into my ass again at full speed and just as he teased my sweet spot on his journey further into me he pressed his forefinger against my bell end which made me swallow air and attempt to scream at the same time.

Just when I could think, breathe and move again I whimpered in pleasure, I could feel Sanzo’s hand on my mouth…or rather IN my mouth. His fingers were searching for my tongue, held it down as I was forced to inform him about the state of my ecstasy yet again with a deep moan. His cock was buried in my ass to the hilt again so I dared to sit up a bit, to make my balls fall back and touch his…I loved the feeling of them touching…and Sanzo knew that.

His hand slid down my cock, his other fingers almost down my throat until I was forced to gag. As they arrived at the bottom he pressed my testicles down, took mine and his into one hand and squeezed to intensify the feeling. I groaned in gratefulness and arched into a hollow back to feel the tension in every single muscle. Sanzo tensed up as well and I could even feel his cock twitching inside me, which caused me another flash of lust.

“Gojyo…”, he gasped, suddenly letting his hips circle around their own axis and, with that, slightly moving his cock in and out which, in turn, caused me to feel my sweet spot constantly teased. Short puffs of air tinted with the colour of need and total submission escaped me as he constantly entered and left, I did not mean to express myself like that, I was still not completely used to being the receiver but Sanzo did not allow me any other expression, he did not seem to mind or find it laughable…so I allowed myself to drown in it.

Sanzo must have noticed the change somehow; the moment my moans grew in loudness he squeezed even tighter and rammed his dick into my hole so that our testicles were pressed together in an uncomfortably comfortable way.

“You bitch…” I panted, hoarse now as well. “Harder, you dirty whore!”

Sanzo threw his head back at these words, his shoves were forceful and as rough as they could be, the fingers tightened around my testicles and his other hand left my mouth to sink into the hollow between my ribcage and hips.
A short smirk was all I managed before the flood of love and pain washed over me again. I knew what he needed to go postal when he was in the mood for dirty talk. Sanzo thanked me by finally leaving my balls alone and taking care of my cock.

His slender fingers slid over it for a few times until he decided to try out something new and just rub my dick…or knead it, depending on how one would like to describe that act. Of course it got me all the more needy and desperate, I could already feel the unique heat of this special excitement flushing my cheeks and making me sweat as his unbelievably skilled fingers caressed my cock like that. Inspired by this new way of getting me harder than hard I moaned in delight, clenching the sheets and pushing back every time Sanzo pushed forward.

“More, you cheap whore, fuck me hard…you piece of shit,” I stammered as his destructiveness threatened to make me faint. I was smiling, my chest already lying on the sheets, only his hand was holding me up into the air and it hurt accordingly. He had managed to send me over the edge, mentally, where only heat, pain and bliss existed, everything else was blocked out. My mouth felt dry and my throat ached but I was still begging for more. Sanzo was pumping my cock now, he had given up the kneading and gone back to classical masturbating. Short, throaty gasps were coming from his direction. I knew that he was close to drowning in ecstasy, too…and then we’d share it…

Sanzo stroked me in a way that made me harder and harder and needier and needier but at the same time he prevented me from stepping over that thin line which should made me cum, I was not sure whether it was a lack of skill or whether he fully did it on purpose…but it worked. When Sanzo jerked me off I became harder and more desperate than I had ever been with anyone else.
His quick and brutal shoves took their toll: I could feel my skin being ripped apart and a very intense, sharp pain. I knew what it felt like, whores had shredded my ass before but it had never been so blissful when compared to Sanzo.

“Oh you…fucking whore…tore my ass apart…”, I panted with a muffled voice to call his attention to it…because I knew…what would happen…

Another moan was heard from Sanzo as he slowed down for some moments to probably take a look at it and then all of a sudden he plunged into my ass again, like a queen…I could feel his upper body moving so gracefully I regretted not being able to turn my head and watch. I could feel his grip on my ribcage loosening slightly while his grip on my cock became tighter. I could also feel him throwing his head back, and his eyes were closed, his mouth slightly open to bare a hint of white…again he entered me, elegantly, more slowly than before but even more thoroughly, making sure his dick touched everything it could touch inside me while he pushed forward.

Every push caused s stinging pain in my chest and stomach, it did not matter that they were different, both just added to my lust which I could not hold back any longer. As his fingers accidentally brushed over the tip of my cock I cried out with tears in my eyes, screaming in pain and said lust; he had tantalized me with the orgasm for so long that it already hurt to be hard now and the brief but fierce touch just reminded me of that.

“Sanzo, you goddamn bitch, make me cum!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, lifting the sheets as I lifted my hand to tense up.

Sanzo growled in such a threatening voice that I could not but growl too, show him that this was the heaven I was longing for, the hell I had been looking for, and Sanzo got it. He closed his fingers around the tip of my cock, pushed forward as forcefully as possible and quickly reached for our balls again to dig his fingernails into those sensitive parts.

I howled with pain and bliss and tensed up, Sanzo doing exactly the same. We were one statue of petrified flesh, fulfilment and benumbing joy flowing in our veins, our mouths open in a silent though terribly loud scream, our eyes turned towards the skies to take our bodies with them and fly to heights which would make us die of bliss, our fingers intertwined to share the magic and keep physical contact, our thighs tensed to the extent it hurt…

“Sn…zo…”, I gasped out, clenching my teeth and holding my breath, caught in that fine net of love, pain and blissful dizzines.

Sanzo heard my prayer and responded with a quick shove which catapulted me to these heights. I could feel the cum hitting my chest just as my priest grunted in pleasure. I exhaled, smiling, tasting saltiness on my lips as I licked them…


Just as I couldn’t bear it anymore Sanzo went slack and fell on me, which sent me down, too. His body was wet…hot and heavy, his head came to lie on my shoulder blades. His breath came in puffs, cooling a small spot of my back when he exhaled. For some moments everything was silent and neither of us moved, until he weakly turned his head to kiss my neck. His hands moved and I could feel his fingers gently brushing over my cheek and neck, digging into the softness of my hair to play with it.
His cock was still inside me…but I didn’t want it any other way.

I jerked slightly as something tickled my skin…but his tongue had just darted out to lick his lips.

“I didn’t know you were so sensitive after sex…” he breathed over my back so that I could barely hear it.

“I didn’t know…either,” I replied, exhausted, but so very content.

Something close to an amused snort reached me and I smirked. Now his arms moved again; I felt one digging under his body so that it was between his and mine…suddenly he touched a certain spot and I rocked forward into the mattress with a sharp moan.

“Mh, there is always relying on this.”, he stated and snuggled up to my back again.

I loved my priest. From head to toe, from his darkest side to his most friendly one, and everything in between. It was not just only after sex that I burst into canticles about him, it also happened other times…but after sex with him I always felt the same. Thankful that he was mine. That he deliberately was mine. That he had chosen to be mine. As whatever…as a priest, a man, a woman or as a whore, as long as he was mine I did not care how he appeared. And I was left with no option but to love every side of him, anyway, I would take all of them if I had to pick one.

Anyway, this had not been the only time he had been my whore. With a mix of embarrassment, sadness but also happiness I tried to think back to that point in time when he had been that for the first time. It had hurt. But in hindsight I was thankful for this spectacle, as terrible as it had been. I sighed as I tried so hard to remember that I felt a headache building up, I just knew I had been drunk…and therefore couldn’t remember details…only the rough sketch…of a tragedy…

…another one in Genjyo Sanzo’s life…just another one of those-

“Something wrong?”

The words had been whispered, nevertheless I couldn’t miss the fear and worry in them.
He just needed a lot of affirmation…like he feared I’d leave him after sex, after everything was done and I was pleased. I didn’t know where those thoughts were coming from, those fears…of loss, well, actually I could imagine where they had their roots but by now he should have known that I would not just get up and leave him. Didn’t he know I loved him, too?

I closed my eyes and smiled, slightly lifting my head to snuggle up to the touch of his hand.

“No…”

Another sigh joined mine, to end up in nothing but wasted air with the mark of a Sanzo and a half-breed. It was just funny…none of us was normal according to this society’s standards. He was a high priest, one of five in the whole world, unique, and I was a half-breed, born between two worlds, unable and non-entitled to choose what I wanted to be. He took me as I was, I took him as he was…although I never forgot that his difference was a positive one and mine of the negative kind. He had the right to claim me but I didn’t, it was common and permitted to take care of the bad one when you were the good one, but it was despicable, abhorrent to nature, to take care of the good when you were the bad one.

Somehow…Sanzo had never let me feel it. That he was Sanzo and I a low something, living with the heart of a human and a demon while my soul was the same as his. There was no such thing as a demonic or human soul; both of us felt hurt, pleased or happy, even if not in the same way but just basically…we could have the same feelings. If I shared nothing else I’d share my soul with him. And difference.

People had often tried to get ahold of him when he was not cautious enough. It had happened not just once that people pulled him into their laps in the morning when Sanzo was just half-baked, morning grouch that he was. He had found himself sitting on hard cocks, wide-eyed, just conscious of it when it had already been too late to escape. But hell, that woke him up…within two seconds, Sanzo was sitting on his chair between me and Hakkai and the grubby bastard was clutching at his head, making a face at the intense pain resulting from a merciless hit with the metal of his gun.

His violet eyes were like fly-paper for the world-weary ones who did not wish to be alive the next morning. He had shot at people in the beginning, expressing his wrath about being groped that bluntly by firing his gun and seeing flesh bleed, until we had broken him of that unhealthy habit. It was possible to discipline him, but only to a certain degree. He only let through the stuff he did approve of or which seemed sound in his own wicked world of thoughts, so it was often difficult to make him understand that people who groped him did not deserve holes in their head. Sometimes I had wondered where he had picked up this counterproductive system of judgment and morality.

His difference got him into trouble as much as it did with me. While he got groped and ogled, I got beaten up. Once a month, with a regularity which was frightening. Like the gods insisted on their monthly TV program of ‘And this time Sha Gojyo gets beaten up byyy…stay tuned to watch after the commercial’.
One should have thought I should have been stronger and able to defend myself with that stick I could summon but I tell you, the stick I could summon was like a toothpick as defence against a chevalier of contrary fortune.

They knew how to trick me, I did not even succeed in summoning it at all, that was the point of it. Dark alleys, where people would rather leave than stand by and watch.
Goon squads of people hating nothing more than Youkai dirtying the sheets of the town’s only inn, making the silverware untouchable and the plates ready for the waste basket. They always chose me; Hakkai’s and Goku’s limiters were not as eye-catching as my bright red hair.
They thought it would be a lesson to me…but what should I have changed? My blood? Should I have slept on the street? I let it happen. Every time I felt strong hands round my chest and arms I went slack. Resistance would only spur them on.

They gave me a bloody nose, made me throw up the alcohol I had drunk before to drown in sick- and numbness, they made me hobble home from time to time and they twisted my limbs in a way that still hurt after three days of intense Hakkai-care. Sanzo always pretended to not notice, when I let a moan slip he pretended not to have heard…when I toppled over because of sickness he had walked past.

He had known, after the fourth time it had happened he had known. Should he have changed my blood? He was aware of the difference.
That was why I had believed he would never accept me. Because his difference was divine. Mine was…

As I kept thinking about that part of our pasts I felt old wounds complaining, not being opened again but just warning me with well-aimed stings of pain that it was not wise to carry on walking this path.
Sanzo had found a comfortable pose in the meantime, had moved forward and his head was lying in a bed of red on my neck. One of his hands was lying on my shoulder, the other still gently stroking my cheek. I tried to be as quiet as possible to hear whether he had already fallen asleep, but I could not hear any signs.

It was not the difference which had kept us from expressing our love in this way. We were still different, my character and blood didn’t resemble Sanzo’s in the slightest. It had been something so different but on the other hand something we also shared. It had been fear and denial. My fear, his denial of intimacy.
Why he had fallen for a half-breed, of all people, had surprised me. It had been an awkward situation, terrible.

“Sanzo…” I started slowly and in a low voice.

“Mmh…” came the immediate response.

So lovely I’d have squeezed his cheek if I had been able to move. He was so sweet when he was all drained after hot sex. So honest…and permissive.

“Can you remember the day it happened?”

“What…”

Tired…not tired of me, but tired.

“When we met.”

“Sure…I just wanted to talk with that goddamn Gonou and you thought you had to humiliate me in front of-”

“No, honey, the other time…”

I could hear him inhaling deeply and I felt him gently pulling on my hair…he was ready to sleep. If he hadn’t already been before.

“…of course…”

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11pm - that had been late, considering my habits of going to sleep. Normally I was so tired and spent at the end of the day that I fell on the bed at 9pm to just pass out. This time I had stayed up, for god’s sake. Gojyo’s sake, precisely. He had seemed extraordinarily poor this evening so I had decided to fuck it and have a round with him. Then he had gotten drunk and started fucking around with the inn staff, so I had decided to leave and finally go to sleep.

I had decided to go to sleep but I couldn’t. Ten minutes had passed and I still was lying there, as awake as ever. No tiredness, no feeling exhausted, only something…some bitter feeling, something like annoyance. At the time I could not locate it, where it came from and what had caused it, so I ignored it and instead started meditating.

Though enough time had passed for me to sit up and look at the watch again I forced myself to stay where I was, because knowing what time it was would have only angered me more. I needed my sleep: morning was hard enough to bear with enough sleep and not enough sleep only made it worse.

The door opened suddenly and light flooded a small part of the room until the person had entered. I did not miss the insecure, swaying steps he made. When I had left him he had been pretty drunk already, if he had continued drinking then he must have been blotto now. I sighed, regretting agreeing to sharing the room with the idiot of the group. It was easy to understand why Hakkai didn’t want to room with him, he must have developed a sense for Gojyo’s sadness to be able to predict when it was better to not room with him. And now I had to bear it. I’d kill Hakkai the next day.

The steps came closer. It was clear that the bed in front of me was his, in case we had to share a room there was like a mandatory order as to who got which bed. His was the one closest to the window, mine the one closest to the door. It made things easier and was especially put up for cases like this when he was drunk and tried to get to his bed. Even when he was totally drunk he still could tell right from left so he should have-

No. Not at all.

A heavy body fell down on the mattress centimetres in front of me. Instantly, I wrinkled my nose at this hellish smell of beer, liquor and wine. How desperate must he actually have been…

“Oh…”, he suddenly said, like out of the blue.

I lifted one eyebrow because I expected more explanation. Needless to say, I was close to shoving him over the edge of the bed and laughing at the dull sound his body would make when he hit the floor.

“You’ve come upstairs, though?”

Just when I wanted to ask him what the hell he was talking about, he continued.

“That’s really nice of you…you know…” a hand touched my cheek. “Very nice, thank you.”

I pressed my lips together and waited…

Fingers softly brushed over my cheek, touched my lips until he moved closer so that he could touch my nose with his. I was petrified; I couldn’t move.

“You know, it doesn’t happen that often anymore, it used to but the glorious days are over.”

Now I moved slightly backwards to escape that embarrassing touch and Gojyo didn’t do anything to get closer again, for the moment.

There was something wrong…

“It used to be different, but I’ve chosen this way so I am not to complain, honey. Whores to whores.” he reached towards me to stroke my shoulder. “Gods to gods.”

What did that idiot think? That I was the whore whom he had told to come upstairs? I didn’t see any other answer than this one so I took it for granted that he regarded me as that whore.
I was curious to know what he would tell her, how he made them all comply so nicely, which dirty words he whispered into their ears, which technique he would use.

“So…would you like it the French way…or Spanish sex? Come on, tell me…I’m open to quite a lot”, he laughed and placed a soft kiss on my collarbone.

I gasped and could not help the blush on my cheeks. Bad enough that I knew what these words stood for but imagining Gojyo getting naked and lying on the same bed with me turned me off as much as it turned him on.

“Oh don’t be shy, feel free to talk about it, it can’t be that bad, love…”

He nuzzled the said bone with his nose.

Actually, I was amazed that he did not recognize my smell. Youkai senses were said to be sharper than human ones so I was quite amused he did not identify me as the ‘bitchy priest‘. Well, what could alcohol do to your brain…swaying was just one of quite a pile of things.
As his hand slid over my belly I swallowed hard and shoved it away. By that time I knew that living through that night would not only hold amusing stuff for me, but also some stuff where I’d need to grit my teeth. If I wanted to know the truth about this whore in front of me.

But…did I? Why?

He came closer to lick my ear but I just cried out and turned my head so that he kissed my neck.

“Not good?” he said with the voice of a cheeky boy, “Now honey, if you don’t tell me where to lick I won’t get it right, right?”

This time he filled the silence with tracing my collarbone, but after about a minute he gave up.

“Oh babe, you don’t talk a lot…are you one of the very introverted ones, hah? But I know you, you’ll just scream when you come, dear…”

He licked over my ear again, then lifted his head to talk to me again.

“Come on, just a little moan, babe, please…”

What he got was a hand pressing against his cheek, but into the wrong direction because I tried to push him away. I moaned a little. It was hard to move his head even slightly.

“Oh honey, the silent victim one, are ya…”
He just brushed my hand away and nuzzled my ear again with his nose, “I love it when you act up like that, love.”

He kissed my ear again and started to stroke my back. I was close to freaking out and leaving but something kept me down. Never in hell he would remember this night, as drunk as he was, he’d never remember what he had done to whom…so I was allowed to stay, I wasn’t too prideful to lie there and let myself be caressed by one of my group members. If he would never know I was surely going to keep lying there until he was done…and then leave before he could wake up.

It was amusing, the way he behaved when he dealt with these whores…that other side of him was as interesting as the side he showed when he was travelling during the day. Well…as interesting as Gojyo could be.

“AAH!”

I arched up into the air as he touched that spot. I had not planned to. I did not approve of it.
Why the hell had I done it?

“Ah babe…that’s your love spot, isn’t it…” he sung in a low voice and brushed over it again.

“Ghh”

I clenched my teeth and tensed up so as to not moan again or make another embarrassing move like that again.

“Show me, please…I want to hear you, honey…”

Another attempt of shoving him away was spoiled by Gojyo’s indomitable lust and I finally gave it up, sighing in defeat. If Sha Gojyo wanted a whore to be a whore and stay in his bed she had to obey.
As I didn’t do anything, anymore, neither trying to shove him away nor arching up into the air, he started stroking my back again, fondling my ass cheeks and brushing over my thighs until things happened the way they were bound to happen sooner or later.

He rocked forward and met my cock. Two pieces of hot naked flesh met. Not that I’d ever admit I had been hot when that happened. He froze immediately, but only for a moment.

“Oh a ladyboy…not bad either…I’ve had about…three of you…” he was talking close to my ear again, causing me to hold my breath at that horrible smell. “And you certainly know how to have fun, dear, don’t you?”

“Mmh…”

I had moaned because I finally had to breathe again and just then I had inhaled the smell of booze. To be honest, drunk Gojyo scared me. Only slightly, but nevertheless. He was strong enough to seize my throat until I’d only be a twitching wreck and he was drunk enough to hold me down, fuck me and never know he had raped his Sanzo priest.

He was rubbing his erection against my cock again and I did my best to move backwards, to get air between me and him, but he held me back.
What a terribly embarrassing situation…one day ago I had felt a shiver running down my spine when I had noticed the tight pants of some men staring at me in the morning in that inn, and now I had to stand a drunk half-breed trying to please me by letting me feel his hard cock on mine. I jerkd backwards as I felt it again and bit down on my lower lip.

“Honey, that’s the wrong way, what’re ya doing?”

A desperate sound escaped me and I frantically tried to ignore the sickness that resulted from another man rubbing his gross cock against mine.

“Are you alright?”

I coughed and spat out saliva, it felt like if I swallowed it down I would just be urged to gag. Gojyo changed his strategy, hugged me tightly and came close to my mouth. I closed my eyes, anticipating a gross kiss following…wet, manly and…

As he gently nibbled my lip I opened my eyes again, surprised at that soft side of Gojyo because I had never believed he could be so gentle with people. Anyway, a kiss followed nevertheless but…so carefully and softly that for a moment I was tempted to kiss back. So much desperate love in it, so much consideration, caution to not hurt…and fear to not be rejected.

What was left when he drew back to caress my cheek with the tip of his nose again was a sad feeling, thoughts I was forced to think. It shocked me how broken he was on the inside while only showing us the other side all the time, the teasing, lecherous pervert. On the other hand I was not any different, what did I show others? An aloof, tight-assed bastard.

“Dear, your hair is short,” he snorted in amusement. “Like that priest’s…”

His tender loving care became more intense and he lowered his head to take care of my neck.

“Forgive me…honey…but I…” he hesitated and his stroking stopped. I could hear him swallowing and he slightly moved away from my crotch, but after some time he moved closer again. I could almost feel the change of his aura, before it had been rough and untameable, while now it was all soft and tame.

“That aura…when you just walk next to him…it’s amazing. I could tell you blindfolded that he’s a Sanzo priest, it’s so distinctive and…steady, it never really changes, only when he’s sad. You’d have to watch him when it rains, dear.” His voice got sad and low. “His face, when he stares out of the window, the way he’s sitting there…every time these memories haunt him down I’d like to approach him and just…hug him. Comfort him. In the way he likes…whatever it would be…”

I was lying there in the dark, shocked. Listening to words I had never wished to hear.

“But I can’t, I know I can’t, honey…it’s not that easy. I know he loathes me and he’d only loathe me more if he noticed me watching him when he thought he was alone.”

Right.

“I’d give…everything I have to be allowed to hold him…just once.”

Given.

“I’m sorry I’m complaining now babe, but,” he lightly kissed my throat and started stroking my back once more, always careful to not touch that spot again. “He doesn’t leave me cold. That bitchy…damn priest…I’d like to swallow his pride for him, crush it under his feet and drag him to the bed to fuck him…but he wouldn’t let me.”

Right? Would I?

I did my best to ignore his dirty choice of words.

“He’d shove me away and yell at me to keep my hands to myself…I mean I do understand him, he’s a priest, he’s not gay so what, should he have sex with another man just because I want it…or what…”

He was kissing my neck, running his fingers through my hair and with his other hand carefully stroking my flank. I had managed to fully relax, I knew he wouldn’t try to fuck me that soon when he was lamenting like that, and me tensing up and refusing to hear the words would not help for long either.

“I’d massage his shoulders and feet until he’d at least look happy…”

I could feel that he was smiling and I could hear it in his words.

“Dear, what I’d do for him, if he just let me…”

He reached down to grab my cock and I flinched as I felt his skin on mine and tried to get away before he could fully close his fingers round it and I even succeeded that time.
Gojyo looked up with an irritated gaze.

“Shy, are ya…” Then he smiled. “Just like the Houshi, you’re a real challenge…”

I did not know whether I was to feel good or fearful at what he had just said but I didn’t have the time to think about it, Gojyo just launched his second attack to get his fingers on my cock. And this time it was him who succeeded. Under a short moan I squirmed and struggled to get free again but his strength came through and I was left with no option but to bear with it.
Nausea and disgust aside, it was still a soft and agreeable way of coaxing people into complying with his wishes, compelling people to submit without any harshness or rudeness…there was that special charm, even when he held me down like that.

“It’s not that bad, is it?”, he mumbled as he put two fingers on my sack to gently massage it.
This got me twitchy. As hell.

I sharply inhaled and rocked forward, some part begging for more of it, another part screaming at me to leave before it ended with me lying on my belly and him kneeling behind me. For now, the first part won but I silently promised myself to never let him catch me off-guard and be careful when push should come to shove.

“Honey…” he whispered into my ear in fervour as he moved his hand down my shaft, slowly, until his knuckles met my testicles, too, and he just wound his fingers round my balls to softly knead them and grant my cock some air under that blanket. My teeth were clattering and in another fit of blinding lust caused by his skilled moves I rocked forward with my head and dug into his pile of hair.

Red, silky, smoky hair…Gojyo’s…
My penis twitched and I squirmed again, this time in lust. As Gojyo realized how much pleasure I drew from this simple touch he doubled his efforts and reached down with his other hand too to caress my cock. First I thought this was the moment to escape and leave him alone but as he touched my cock again I decided in just a fraction of a second to keep lying there. It felt too good. All pride aside…a water sprite, believing in pleasing a lady with a cock, was masturbating me.

“Uaaah…hAh…Gohh-”, I barely stopped when I realized I was about to say his name and maybe even risk revealing myself, but he didn’t seem to notice anything. He just kept fondling my cock.

“I told you you’d start screaming then, dear…”

Never had I felt like that before. It had not even in my dreams occurred to me to touch myself like that…but Gojyo did. He rubbed his palm against my sack and kissed my lips again, it did not seem to bother him that I did not kiss back at all.
As he suddenly squeezed too tightly for my taste, I screamed and flinched but still kept my pelvis thrusted out to get more of it. That side of me somehow scared me…I hadn’t felt it nor needed it before, and now I did? Just because it was fucking GOJYO doing this to me?

Fucking Gojyo just caressed the swollen vein on the underside of my cock as I tried to get away from him, and as he finally noticed my escape attempt, he purred and moved closer again, his hands never leaving my cock.

“Honey, you like it so much, why stop now? I know that this is your most sacred part down here…no need to tell me, sugar…”, he whispered into my ear, all soft and devoid of lust again.

“I know about it, I did enough trannies to know about this, don’t be afraid…I’ll treat you nicely…like I would treat him, I promise…”

Any other tart would have risen the loudest voice against that statement, that he’d use her as a substitute and think of someone else, but I was not a tart, and therefore didn’t raise any hell or utter any complaints. Besides, I couldn’t talk, anyway.

His thumb was rubbing against the ominous vein, which caused me to feel unbearable heat gathering in my cheeks and a very weird feeling in my stomach. Like everything inside there cramped up all of a sudden and then relaxed, only to do it again when the next flood of…feeling good hit me.
I was breathing heavily. As much as I had planned to not enjoy it, I did, anyway. I could not close my eyes and look away, nor could I move away, Gojyo made sure I could not gather the strength to do so.

“Your skin is so smooth, honey…” he shortly laughed a desperate laugh. “His must feel like this too…but tell me.” He stopped caressing my sack and let his fingers rest on it, but with his other hand, continued to stroke my head. “These deep scars…where do they come from? I can feel them…and they feel painful…”

He had discovered these three scars on my back. Left-overs, marks…from Youkai fights I did not wish to remember. They had gone deep…so deep that they had wounded my soul, too. Those scars were just the visual expression of what I looked like inside. Scarred, hurt and not fully healed. I licked my lips and turned my head to press my face into the pillow to not be forced to look at his face any longer and to banish those unpleasant thoughts somehow.

“Honey, please, I-”

Hearing him talking now just made me feel more desperate…who knows…maybe he’d add his scar to them this night…but I could not allow that, I had to do everything I was capable of to not let it happen…
Scared now, again, I jerked up into the air and was about to really escape him when I fell down on the bed once more.

“No, please!” he cried out in such a high voice that it had turned into a whisper. “Please, I beg you, stay…I need you.”

So desperate, so weak. Those words made my heart ache and I complied with his wishes again. That charm never ceased to be there.

I need you.

I went slack and allowed him to pull me towards him again. It did not matter whether he thought I was a whore or whether he knew he was pulling on the wrist of a Sanzo…those words hit me where nothing was supposed to hit me ever or at all. No one had ever ‘needed’ me. Not for anything and not any time. In this case, needing that whore meant just that he needed someone to listen, someone to help him get over his pain, someone who would be Sanzo for him for a night. Needing that whore meant needing me. Whether I wanted it or not.

Gojyo pulled me close to him and snuggled up to my shivering body. It felt like I was suffering from the chills: cold- and hotness took turns in confusing me even more. While he was so sure he needed that whore I was not sure whether I did. I had not planned to ever need anyone; I had succeeded in surviving until now without the help of anyone. The state in which I was did not matter; I had survived. My back was stroked, my neck captured by his mouth again…my limp cock lovingly caressed again.

Like an infinite loop actions were repeated, the moment they met their ends was the moment they started anew…I couldn’t deal with it. I gripped his wrist and pushed his hand away under the blanket. Gojyo looked up.

“I’m sorry, honey,” he said in a sad voice. “I guess…” his voice changed and despair was added to it together with a smile. “Sanzo…would do the same the first time…”

Yes, Sanzo would.

He shut his eyes tightly and rubbed his head against the pillow then, his other hand brushing over my shoulder blades from time to time.

“I don’t know whether it’s a dream or a nightmare…to imagine screwing him. It would be hell, definitely, to stare into those cold, rejecting eyes. He has eyes which I doubt to call human, if you see them you will know. They are…completely devoid of love. Sanzo allowing me to fuck him does not mean he will love me or ever love me with his eyes, too, when he just says it. I’d have to earn it. Like going to work everyday and earning money I’d have to love him day by day, show him, and earn his love.”

He made a pause and filled it with his hand descending again. When it found my pubes he let his fingers run through the frizzy hair and continued with his explanation.

“I’ve been fantasizing about the way I’d approach him for nights, for days and the gods know what. Would you like to know?”

Currently I just wondered whether he told every whore about that shit. But my thoughts were not given much time to develop depth; he moved closer until the horrible smell of booze befogged me again.

“I’d lay my arms round his shoulders, catch him when he’s smoking…because he thinks he’s safe, then. Like this.”

One moment later I felt his bare arms touching my shoulders and back. Unfortunately I felt his thigh between my legs, too.

“He’d try to get rid of my arms once he’s realized that a man is hugging him. Well, I will look at him in this way, then…I know I will, and he will shut up.”

I heard him swallowing and felt his body shifting slightly.

“I’ll close my eyes then, carefully move closer and then…”

He did come closer and first with the tip of his nose brushed over my cheek, and then he placed a soft kiss on it.
I was paralyzed, I felt that something terrible was about to happen, I felt that something was escalating, I did not know what but only that it did, I felt that this was not my world, anymore. As he touched my ear with his lips I flinched, in this hell of feelings and touches, suddenly, still not used to touch. Gojyo hesitated then, the warmth of his cheek from his rubbing against mine faded as he lifted his head.

I waited for him to do something, to take the initiative again, but nothing happened. It seemed like he had turned into a statue.

“I haven’t even started…” he whimpered, breathlessly and crushed, “He would do the same…thing…”

Disturbed at this sudden mood swing, I turned my eyes to look at him: his head was still hanging in the air, his mouth half open, I just could not make out his eyes in the dim moonlight. But it was terrible. His arms had disappeared, he was not holding me anymore.
I wanted to say something but couldn’t find the courage to reveal myself…I would have been able to comfort him, the whore, not. But I was condemned to stay the whore until this night would end. And in the morning I’d be Sanzo again. To be honest I was already looking forward to that, being at the mercy of a drunk half- breed did not sound nor feel even slightly appealing or pleasing.

Now he moved. He moved backwards and lay down in front of me again, his hand buried in his red hair, which was covering his neck.

“I’d have told him,” he continued in a monotonous voice, “that I love him. That I can’t live without him nor keep living like this, it should have had an end, this way or other. I’d have told him that-”

The sound of his voice died away in the darkness of the night. I refused to hear what I heard but Gojyo forced it on me. He forced me to listen to what he would tell Sanzo once he had got him to listen to him. Words…which I regretted having heard, feelings I desperately tried to choke and thoughts I had feared all my life long until now.

As he ended I was spent. I had lived another life during those words. It was over now…and they had only left a very bitter taste. It would never happen. Never in hell Sanzo would get to hear those words because…simply, because he would not listen. Walk away, keep smoking, turn round to order some coffee…
I was close to tears, furious that he dared to talk about these things, dared to abuse me in his phantasies by just thinking of me…

I started hitting him. His face, chest, I even felt my heel digging into softness, and a cry affirmed me that it was the kind of softness I had thought it was, his legs, feet.
For some moments Gojyo accepted it but suddenly my hands were caught and my feet captured between his thighs.

“Honey…I’m sorry for talking about him, please…but understand, he is the only one I would have fucked this night…” he said in a desperate voice. “I’d have screamed only his name, honey…please, understand…”

The more whiny his voice got, the more moved I felt. I let go of the tension, my arms fell down and then immediately sneaked up to my eyes to erase the first signs of tears. Even before I could touch the pillow Gojyo’s hands had found the way to my cock again, which was about the most awful thing that could have happened right then.

“Let me fuck you, please…” he whispered, squeezing my cock so that I jerked in forced lust. “It won’t hurt, I promise.”

That was the moment I should escape. Not any further.
His arms wound round my chest, were about to turn me around for him to be able to access my ass, but a sudden sting of blind panic let me recover my strength and defend myself against him. I turned around again and tried to hit his hands while screaming ’NO!’ ’NO!!’ like a lunatic, over and over again.

Gojyo got it.
By the end of that I did feel tears running down my cheeks, not tears of love or happiness… but tears of deep pain. Tears which seemed to well from a wound that had once healed, but had just been ripped open again.
His hands left my body and he sat up in front of me. Though he reached towards me, I was already too dazed to back away from it, so I had to bear him fondling my cheek. Gently, so lovingly. Like I was Sanzo.

“I’m sorry, honey,” he breathed. “I’m sorry…I did not mean…”

I could hear him breathing heavily, I could feel his hand trembling.

“I…here…”

He turned around, his hand never leaving my cheek, and took something from the bedside table. As he held it up in the moonlight I recognized the stuff as scraps of paper.

“Here…” he repeated.

As I took another look at it I realized that it was money. Terrified, I looked up again.

“Please…I know you wasted your time with me and you could have fucked three other guys during that time, I know, and I’m sorry about it, please accept my offer. It’s about 300, I hope it’s enough…please, take it…”

What if I didn’t? Apart from that I couldn’t.

“Please…is…something wrong?” I heard him saying after a while, his voice sounding strange, like he was trying too hard to hold back the tears. I could just barely swallow my own tears.

Then he turned around a second time.

Fatality fell down upon me.

The lamp was switched on, he turned around.
He saw me, he recognized me.

His eyes grew wide, his lips were shaking, I could hear his breathing speeding up and I could watch his cheeks getting redder and redder. I felt the flush too, intense heat gathering there, making me dizzy and unable to think.
He finally succeeded in opening his mouth but no words left it.

I was staring at him, out of my mind. He now knew that I had heard every single word, felt every single touch and felt every feeling he had tried to get across with his words. Honestly, I wouldn’t have wanted to change places with him then. The way he had touched me and where…it did not leave a very pleasant feeling. As that train of thought carried on I finally arrived at questioning myself. Why I had stayed at all, why I had let him do it? I had…rejected it as irrelevant. And thought that if he never knew, I was not to worry either.

But now he did.

One single tear slowly trickled down his chin.
What confused me was that I couldn’t tell whether it was because of anger, fear, sadness or…in the most absurd case, happiness. Gojyo still did not talk, he let the transparent pearl of water find its way down his face until it disappeared under his jawbone.

I could not blame him. He looked as disturbed as I was, nothing left of his shitty witty attitude or his subtle snootiness, but as much as I wished it away, his charm still shone through. It was a kid sitting in front of me, looking like its mother had just abandoned it. His hand was shaking, and as I looked down at it I could see it trembling because he held the money so tightly between his fingers.

The moment I looked up again I just caught him closing his eyes, screwing up his mouth in a very bad way and turning his head to the side so that his eyes were covered by his hair.

“Why’d you stay?” he bawled out with that high voice, “Why’d you let me do it?!”

I clenched my teeth as he said aloud what I was thinking so hard about myself.

“Take it,” he said in a voice that told me how hurt he actually felt under that surface of despair and shock.
He put the money down in front of me, fully turned around to get up and left the bed, the room and me. Now I was sitting in another kind of dim light, right next to the one of the lamp and the moon…but it got brighter. Against my wishes. I had always appreciated my darkness.

Gojyo had left the room, he had left the money for me to take. Like a true whore. Like a whore who had been silent the whole time and who had stood the touch of him for the money. I bit down on my lower lip and looked away. I had never wished to be that whore and he had never, either. And though it had happened, there was need for explanation, for talk, for coffee and honest talk.
It got my hackles up to think of that, but it had to be done.

Banishing all thoughts from my brain so as to be able to think freely again, I licked my lips and breathed deeply a few times. Then I took the money and got up to look for Gojyo.


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