Am I in Love?

“Am I in Love?”
A Sensitive Pornograph Fanfic By Blaze/Immorai

It’s been a while now…

Maybe it’s been longer than I even give it credit…

Who knows…

My name is Sono Hanasaki… and I think I am in Love.

----------------------------------------------------

“Sono! Sono- Oh, there you are!”

I had been sitting in what I consider my study, jotting down ideas for the next volume of my manga when suddenly Seiji came rushing within with some sense of urgency. Naturally, I stopped writing and turned my eyes up to him, smiling my reassuring smile he so often told me I did, and that he loved every bit of it.

“Yes, dear?”

“I can’t find them- I can’t find my lucky boxers and tomorrow is really important!”

I should have figured it couldn’t have been all that serious; nothing like some dire, irreversible accident. Unable to stop a small chuckle, I rose to my feet and walked closer to him.

“I might have grabbed them when I did laundry this morning.” I put a hand to his shoulder, leaned in, and planted a tender little kiss to his jaw before proceeding. “I was just about to go tend to all of that- I’ll look, hm?”

“Ah, yes, please! Th-thanks, Sono.” He seemed on the verge of passing out; panting and red.

Seeing him in such a state over what most would consider a petty matter reminded me of just how lucky I was… Simply lucky to have him in my life, even if sometimes I wonder…- No, I mustn’t think those things…

Happy enough to be of some service, I nodded and slipped around my frazzled darling, heading for the humble room reserved for clothes washing, ironing, and the like. I like to do it all in one room, thus my obsession for such tidiness left this room a bit cramped.

Still, there was enough room to manage and I would immediately put the search for the fabled boxers of good fortune above the rest of my duties. After searching the pile reserved for delicates and not finding a thing, I began to think of any other possible place they could have ended up.

“Maybe I didn’t grab them… ?”

I grumbled to myself a little while continuing the hunt, though being thoroughly convinced now that they must be in our room somewhere. I headed out with a basket of items to be folded or hung up, catching myself as I tripped up a bit in the doorway. I’m not usually the clumsy type, but Seiji had a knack for leaving things here and there. I wouldn’t begrudge him though. Housework and cleaning was my hobby for the days he was in absence, and as of lately… Well, to say the least, lately the apartment was becoming spotless.

“Did you find them?”

Seiji had apparently already moved to the room for further hunting, as well as already failed to find anything. He was sitting on the bed’s edge as I entered. My back had been a little sore lately, so before answering him I would sit the basket down and slowly ease back upright.

“No, I’m sorry Seiji… I’ll keep looking in here though, o-okay?”

I tried to consol him, offering my best hopeful smile, but somehow he didn’t seem too excited about my willingness to endeavor the search. Maybe I came across as a bit superficial? Did he think I wasn’t being sincere? Anything that mattered or meant a lot to him always had a way of meaning just as much to me- even if it was something as silly or tall-taled as luck-bearing garments. If they were going to make him feel all the more comfortable at that interview tomorrow… I’d have gladly searched all night for them.

“That’s okay…” he murmured in such a way that I could tell… that was not really what he wanted to say. I could sense the disappointment.

Though as it seemed now, my search was about to be called off. Seiji rose from the bed and approached me. The expression he wore was confusing, but I could only offer my own, warm and inviting as the cloud of confusion lifted and he leaned in to kiss me. How could I ever question his intentions?

The failed expedition was made merely a silly ripple in time as I found his hands roaming all over my body, hot kisses being exchanged. Though my lovely Seiji was ever a bit ungraceful, so it was no surprise that our heads would ‘thunk’ together after he tugged away for a breath and attempted to dive right back into it. As awkward of a moment as it could have potentially been, I had no problem chuckling it off and sliding my arms about the beautifully clutzy man before me. The man for whom I’d dedicated all of my time to as of lately, and yet..

“I really should get those clothes all put away, but-” I wouldn’t get a chance to finish my sentence before Seiji was reaching for the bottom of my shirt, lifting it up over my head and tossing it to the side. He was always such a needy lover, even since the first days of our knowing each other. Though I warranted no protest. I enjoy fulfilling him, actually having the ability to completely sate someone’s desires… to make them happy. Surely I made my fans all happy, but… Ah, I digress.

Quickly enough I found myself bare before my lover’s eyes, shying away playfully as my cheeks were brazed with pink hues. Even after all this time I found myself as fresh and bashful as the first time he had wanted me. He wasted not a second in joining my exposed state of body.

“The clothes can wait, Sono…” His hand slid under my jaw in some overly-dramatic gesture of romance, tilting my head up and reconciling our lips as his other hand groped about, found my leg, and hoisted me up against the wall.

“S-Seiji..” I whispered against his lips before he trailed them down my neck.

He was hasty to enter me, but I was eager to please, tipping my head back and vocalizing my gratitude with a small moan between each heavy breath. I loved how he wanted me; I wanted him how he needed me. As our bodies slapped harder together I found myself panting, fingertips desperately planted into each of his shoulder blades. A rhythm developed and our session of love-making ensued as passionately as ever.

The world always seemed to haze before my eyes as Seiji moved inside of me, and I could always count on him to brush against that tenderest of spots so deep within me. I just couldn’t help but whimper gratefully each time, my legs fastening upon his waist just a little tighter. Eventually both of his hands would be gripped onto my thighs, each thrust all the deeper as he jerked me against him when his own hips bucked. I could feel my body spasm and respond by untensing and allowing my lover to drill as deep as he could manage. It was so much more than lust that drove me to give myself so much to him.

I vowed after that fated night that I would do anything for this man… If he were ever sad, I’d do anything in my power to ease him. If he were ever mad, I’d do what I could to calm him. If he was ever in need, I’d do whatever I could to satisfy him. Yes, those were the oaths I made to myself the night we desecrated that playground and some poor child’s stuffed bunny was submitted to watching us. It was beautiful… As our love-making always was- It was, wasn’t it? Was it love-making?

Why does my mind always run rampant and go on tangents at the worst of times? Well, maybe not always, but lately… Could it have something to do with Seiji being gone so often lately? His career was finally skyrocketing- not to say he wasn’t well enough known before, but now… Now he was more than noted, he was popular. His works were well known and he was getting all of these offers for interviews, commentaries, autograph sessions, photographs… Everything all at once, and me? My time in the spotlight had faded slightly and I was left here in our apartment alone as he traveled to each of these events. I don’t think I’m jealous. Only lonely and left too much time to think these days.

I was brought back to the surreal, and pleasure flooded, reality by Seiji’s exasperated groans of bliss. I could tell he was close, the post juices seeping warmly into me and lubing up my throbbing entrance to provide a smoother ride as he picked up the tempo. This was the point when passion turned buckwild and senses were tripped up into a vortex of ecstasy while both parties exerted their All for an intense climax of sweat flying and fluids gushing.

I flung one hand to the wall behind me, digits digging at the floral paper while the other gently dug into his back. And all at once, as he coated my insides, I felt my body go limp… All of my weight fell upon my other, though I doubted not that he must be spent as well. Still, he did not drop me or teeter in the least. It was always in this cleared state of mind and tranquility that he managed perfect balance and laid me to our bed, carefully and tendering slipping away from me but always compensating by wrapping his arms around me.

This was no exception… The sheer warmth of his embrace was always enough to lull me into my own nirvana, laying one of my cheeks flat to the patch of chest riding over that pounding muscle. I loved to listen to his heart- nature’s esoteric music. And if the heart was the melody, his breathing was the rhythm. So sweet…

We rested a while silently, my mind encompassed by the grace of everything. The feelings inside and outside of me. I could feel Seiji’s eyes on me, even as I closed my own. It wasn’t uncommon to just wake up and find him laying awake, smiling at me as I clung to him. What went through that twenty-three year old mind in the dead hours of the night? I sometimes wonder, but I never reach any certain conclusion other than he must have some kind of energy-

Th-though I know for sure at least that much is true. On average, when he is home, we make love two or three times a day… Somehow we just cannot keep our hands off of each other, but I’ve never had a problem with it… I enjoy it as much as he does, though… My own schedule and work has fallen slightly behind lately. I’m supposed to use the time he is away to catch up on my everything, but so often I find myself too weary or sidetracked trying to make sure that when he does come home the apartment is perfect, and that I have some sort of surprise ready for him. Maybe I over-do it a bit… ? That’s just the way I am. I love to spoil him..

Well, it seems we rested just a little longer than a while, and somewhere in my mind’s wanderings I must have fallen asleep. When my eyes finally opened, I was alone in our bed. But as I stretched and yawned I smelled something- something that smelled almost good. Was Seiji cooking again? I rather hoped not- the last incident involving Seiji and the stove was none too pretty a picture. Though despite such worries, this actually smelled rather good now, and after all of my housework and pleasing my lover I was a bit hungry.

I slipped out of the bed, into my silky purple robe and slippers, and wandered out to the kitchen to see a most delightful, if slightly humorous, sight. Seiji had several things going at once and was prancing about in only a pair of striped boxers and a chef’s hat. While all of the aromas were enough to make my stomach growl a little, I was too occupied with the scene in general.

Seiji always had a way of being so obliviously cute, as well as oblivious in general. I don’t think he saw me for a good few minutes because he began singing a bouncy tune that was popular on the radio these days while dancing in the mostly ungainly manner. Perhaps it was my slip of a chuckle that made me finally apparent, or maybe he actually spotted me, but either way as he did his cheeks livened to the most stark shades of red and pink.

“S-Sono!- Hey, I was just whipping us up some grub! Aheh heh.”

I could tell he was embarrassed and just slightly nervous. That one strand of hair always seemed to frizz during his most befuddled moments- I found it simply adorable. (Like everything else about him.) And as usual I could not help that curl if my lips, nearing him all the while to secure a quick hug.

“All right… Want me to help you any?”

“No, no. You just relax and I’ll handle this- I have to learn sometime, right?”

“Still… It really should be me cooking since you’ll be leaving bright and early and need your rest…” I pleaded with him, concerned that perhaps he didn’t entirely finish his packing and subtly trying to urge him to do it. He was famous for forgetting all the loose ends and sometimes even some essentials.

“No, no you don’t- I’ll be okay. I have everything all together and I want to do something nice for you for once… “

I blinked a few times, debating whether to believe him or not; how long had he been up and let me sleep? And if it’d been a while what did he do? Did he really finish up packing?

“You even packed your toothbrush this time?..”

“Yes, Sono. Yes. I have my toothbrush- I even made sure all of my work was packed, too. Aheh. Aren’t you proud of me?” He radiated that naïve sense of pride that I just… I fell in love with it the day we met… And even now it tugged my heart’s strings.

“Yes… All right. I believe you. I’ll be in our room, okay?”

I was quite pleased with this little surprise, but I didn’t expect the next surprise at all. After a quick kiss on the cheek I scurried back to our room and went to dive into the clothes I had yet to hang, but… He’d done that, too? I marveled at the empty basket, somehow convinced that possibly a gnome had crept into our window and stole all the clothes, but a quick check in the closet proved the unbelievable to be true. Seiji really had been busy, hadn’t he?

I sat on the edge of the bed with a smile and puzzling mind. Such wonders were quickly enough dismissed as my eyes caught something pass by the window just ahead. My simple curiosity tugged me back onto my fuzzy slippered feet and over to the window, peering out and in search of whatever that might have been. I didn’t see anything out of the normal, just the usual lights and cars below peppered with pedestrians all over.

This was quite a busy city, during the day and the night. I much rathered my old place in the less crowded outskirts of the city, but for Seiji’s advancement I would live wherever he wanted, even here. Though I must admit that sometimes I was afraid to even set foot out of our apartment alone. Large cities were often typical of high crime rates, high prices, and although full of people and buildings… almost nothing to do. At least in the suburbs of my old home I could step outside bright and early with my cup of coffee and listen to the first chirps of nature as the sun came up and illuminated the navy sky. Here? The only thing to greet my ritualistic cup of joe was someone down below revving an engine, or the chiming of ambulatory vehicles rushing some unfortunate to the hospital.

It never quite dawned on me how unpleasant I was in this setting until I leaned to the wall and stared out to it all while thinking all of this; But this was temporary, right? Just until Seiji was secured entirely in name and reputation that we could retreat back to a quieter setting and he could still keep his career.

I was soon called down, the food being done, but found myself a bit more inwardly dolorous about everything than usual. I was fairly quiet throughout the most of the meal, though Seiji apparently didn’t pick up on it- thank goodness. He probably figured it wasn’t out of the usual for me to be softer spoken and conservative, since it isn’t everyday I flaunt my emotions on my sleeve or behave flamboyantly. In fact, I hardly ever spoke up about the things on my mind, and perhaps that… That was the reason itself that I was in this awkward living situation. It was a mutual agreement, but I just can’t manage to say the word ‘no’ to Seiji.

It used to be that I couldn’t say ‘no’ to anyone, and still even there was a fair amount of things I could not refuse if someone asked me. If ever there was a true flaw in my personality, I’d say that was it. I love to appease those around me if it is in my ability. Is that.. so horrible? True enough that it landed me in several bad situations prior to my engagements with Seiji. A handful of people I allowed to take advantage of my kindness and my body. A few broken hearts, all mine of course. And, naturally, many nights without a wink of sleep, rushing around trying to meet deadlines and promises of all sorts.

We went to bed shortly after eating, not because we were tired but because he had to be up rather bright and early and I insisted that he be well rested. When the alarm sounded and my lover did not stir, I turned it off and woke him in the best way I knew how without him getting grumpy; I kissed him. And, well, you know what a kiss leads to… Aheh.

He took me and managed twice in the short half hour that we spent rolling in the bed sheets. As usual, I lay exasperated in the aftermath with all of my limbs strewn to different corners of the mattress as I kept my gaze soft and intent on Seiji. Ever always did I still feel him inside after he pulled away, almost so vividly that I would release long after the fact. – I remember once in specific when I had a meeting right after and had barely any time to clean up… I don’t believe I ever fidgeted so much in my seat… He’s so good to me. Seiji…

“Sono… I’ve got to get ready now.”

“All right… I understand. Don’t you worry- I’ll clean up here.” I offered him a smile before slowly peeling myself up from the sticky mess. I suppose I didn’t have to say that last part, as it was assumed that I would clean up… I always did. Not that I minded…

The beginning hours of the day would whiz by quick between cleaning, coffee, and making sure everything was together and seeing Seiji off at the train station. As I stood there waving, my smile was… less than sincere. What’s wrong with me? What is this I’m feeling?

As I sighed and turned around, going immediately to take a step forward, my head bumped right into the chest of someone-

“Oh, pardon me. I-I am so sorry, Sir.” I looked up to the fellow and something about those dark, hazel eyes… shot a pang of fear through my limbs, causing me to freeze up just a little.

“Yeah… You should be,” he said, voice suave and deep, while placing a hand to my shoulder. His grip was a little less than friendly, and rather than stare him eye to eye now I found my view turning down, noticing his ensemble of leather and denim fabrics. He didn’t seem like a particularly jovial fellow- even his hair was dark, like a cocoa brown and a little straggly- As I distracted my nerves with observation, I found myself roughly shoved to the side and the man would stalk off without another word..

“Strange… Some people..” Murmuring to myself, I sighed and headed back for the car, but as I reached for the door a certain air of suaveness befell my ears again.

“Like I said, you really should be… pet.”

I didn’t have to turn around and look to know it was that fellow I had bumped into not long ago, but before I could say anything more my whole world turned black… Something had been placed over my lips with the most mind numbing stench that my senses forfeited to passing out. It seemed like the blink of an eye and I was waking up in the heaviest state of grogginess… My head hurt… It was spinning. Was all of that just a dream? Was I going to look over and see my darling Seiji sleeping in? No… It was dark… All dark…

I went to move my arms, but could not… To make a sound, but all I managed was muffled squeals. I was bound and gagged in someplace that I had never been before… Some cramped little space with no light… I was scared, and all I could do was squirm and try to scream, feet slamming against something, though I wasn’t sure what, but it was all I could do to at least feel less than helpless. Who was I kidding though. I was helpless… What the heck was going on?! Why was this happening?! Why to me?! I could feel the hot tears begin rolling down my cheeks, and then a blinding light…

A door in front of me swung open and the sudden burst of light burned my eyes as they seeped countless dewdrops. And there he was… That guy stood there, staring down at me on the floor with this smug sort of smirk that chilled my blood and bones. What did this man, who seemed to come out of nowhere, want with me.. ? And why… why was I naked? As my eyes finally focused and I noticed all of these new details, new worries, new questions… I especially feared just why the leather-bound man had a whip in his hands…

“Don’t look so shocked, mousy… “ He approached and I felt my heart palpitate wildly, trying to scream as he drew the hand back with the whip. I knew what was coming- I prayed that I would wake up now! This had to be a nightmare! But as the tail of the whip struck and stung up my flesh… I wailed and knew then that this was real- this was really happening. He continued it, striking me over and over with that warp expression all the more thrilled to each of my sobs and attempts to roll away.

“Ha, ha- What’s wrong, mousy? You don’t like it, do you?” He asked this as casual as someone would ask another about their favorite color, though I shook my head innumerable times. No, no I did not like this! Never, ever had Seiji been this sort of rough with me- My body could not handle this sort of pain… I quickly found my energy sapping and body going limp, merely twitching as he continued to lash at my hide with that wicked tool. I could not even find the will to make a sound… I wanted so desperately to go unconscious now, and yet… I couldn’t.. The pain slowly began to numb over, but all I would do was stare out blankly to the wall of what I figured was a closet by now…

“Mm… Just how I like them…. Broken.” He relented the beating now and tossed the whip aside, reaching down for my throat and lifting me with relative ease into the air. What was he going to do now.. ? I couldn’t even look him in the eye… my view drifting aside to look at the room… It was a bedroom, presumably his. With me still dangling, struggling a bit now to even breathe, he strode closer to the bed and pinned me flat to it by means of holding my neck down. His other hand slid under my head- much to my surprise he was removing that wretched mouthpiece.

As the ball of it was pulled out of my mouth I gasped sharp for a deep breath, choking and coughing as I wept aloud now. Yet the second I went to make a peep he slapped that hand over my lips and silenced me.

“No, no. Shh.. You’re going to be a good mousy now and listen to what I say… And if you do hat much, you might just get out of here alive, understood?”

My eyes must have been huge by now, my fear trembling my entirety and body stiffening as the cuts and welts now pulsed and pained me. Did I honestly have a choice here? I nodded, even if reluctantly, and he cautiously lifted his hand away from my mouth.

“Good… Heh.” He let my neck go, and though I could speak now I kept quiet and just kept a careful eye on him, wishing more than anything still that I might wake up beside Seiji… Or hoping that Seiji would come through that door any second. Though I knew both options were unlikely or impossible. Oh, Seiji… I’m so sorry. I knew exactly what this guy wanted the second he stood upright and began undoing his pants… I thought the days of being used were long since past.. I was wrong.

This guy meant business- Before his pants hit the ground he had snatched me by the back of my hair and dragged me to my knees in front of him, jamming himself between my lips and sparing no time in pumping himself in and out of my mouth. He wasn’t small by any means, hitting the back of my throat with each thrust and causing me to gag, eyes watering even more. Once again I found myself in a hard-to-breathe situation, trying to yank my head back but his grip on my hair was firm.

I cried out and hands flailed about, trying to push him away still as my knees shuffled on the carpet and rubbed raw. What was a little rug burn compared to my welted bodice though? Finally I would decide to just quit resisting, one hand falling limp to my side. And although guilt was already flooding in every corner of my mind, the other hand would lift and grip him firmly as my tongue dared to flick and massage him.

“Mm… Such a good… good… little whore… you are…. Mousy…”

Those words hurt… I’m not a whore- not any more… No- no! But before I could finish that thought a wave of hot liquid exploded into my mouth and forced me to swallow. The taste was so bitter and stomach turning… Maybe that was just because of the guilt that came with someone who was not my lover coming in my mouth, but whatever it was… I felt like I could just about throw up now… Seiji, I’m so sorry…

He pulled out and yet my sore jaw still hung open, a messy web of excess between both of my oozy lips and tongue. Still, I knew he was not done… My face soon found the pillow, the back end of me propped up as he came up behind me on his knees. No lubrication, no preparation, he just slammed into me. The pillow was unfortunate to muffle my screams, an inevitable cry out as I felt myself tear just a little from his size. I felt like a virgin all over again… And despite my agreement to go along with his plans willingly, I resisted and tried to crawl out from under him. He bucked harder into me and sent my face back into the pillow, hand palming the back of my head and driving it hard into the plush.

“BE! A! GOOD! BOY!” He hissed into my ear, body hunched over and smothering my own as he lay on my back and began drilling into me over.. and over. Still dry and raw, save what little lubrication my own blood provided. My body quickly drenched itself in sweat and all I could do not to scream out was bite onto my own tongue…

Oh, God… just let me die now…

I wanted Seiji- I wanted him right now. I wanted him to save me. I know that lately I had been having doubts about our relationship, whether or not we had dove into it too soon and so many other things, but now all those troubles seemed fickle and non-existent. Seiji Yamada. Seiji, come back to me!

I cried silently his name over and over as the man raping my body and soul finally came so deep inside of me that I swore it might drip off of my lips… So much, so hot. And was that the end of it? Oh, no.. He’d tear out of me without mercy or compassion, flip me into a new position, and force himself right back inside. Did he aim to truly break my heart and mind?... He would repeat this pattern over and over long into the night… Yet he was not at all exhausted by it, it seems, as after the fact he would smear a handful into my face and drag me outside… to an alley.

“I’ll be seeing you again, mousy…” He mocked me now, blowing a kiss before returning to the brightly lit streets and disappeared into the crowds of people in such a corrupt city.

What was to become of me? I could scarcely move a muscle… I wasn’t even clothed, just wrapped in a white, sex stained sheet. The concrete was frigid on my bare bottom and back as I leaned lifeless to the dumpster behind me. Maybe if I was lucky, since I had lost so much blood, I would just- No! I had to survive… Had to see Seiji again… Had to get home, do all the things I had promised myself I would do… But I still could not move.

“Uhn… S-Seiji…” My voice was weak and quivered with the night’s chill, eyes lulling shut to view the infinite blackness behind my lids. I could have just passed out then and there as my body shut down and refuted all pain. It was too much for me to handle, and still… My eyes would open again as I shed the sheet and balled my fists.

I was going to get through this… somehow.

“I-I’ve been.. through worse… R-right?..” I talked to myself as I struggled to shift my legs, careful not to close them as my backside throbbed still from the daylong pounding- still bled even. Though much to my own surprise I was rising quicker than I had thought I even could- thanks to an arm that had slid under my own and now assisted me.

“So he got to you, too?..” A vision of fair hair and gentle eyes spoke to me as he assisted me, and although my recent experience warranted a fear of strangers, I did not fear him. I nodded and groaned, wobbling on my feet, but he shifted to steady me… He even smiled.

“Th-thank you… Thank you… so much…” I didn’t even care that I was before someone foreign and completely exposed. Something about this guy seemed to emanate sympathy… ‘got to me’ too? Did this person share my own pain? “Do.. Do you know that guy?.. “

“I guess that depends on what you mean- I used to think I knew him, but then…” He stopped mid-sentence and seemed to stare off briefly at the ground before picking up again. “… Anyways… Here. Use my jacket to cover up with and I’ll help you home, okay?” He had such a soft, almost shy voice… handing his jacket over to me, which seemed just a bit too big on even him, so it was particularly baggy on me. But that was good. It censored everything.

“… Y-yeah, that’d be nice… Thanks… again…” I nodded, as did he, and with one of his arms under mine for support we stepped out into the masses. The location was a bit cloudy to me, but after I told him what street I lived on the trip was rather shorter than I had expected. He was even kind enough to see me up the stairs, at which point I offered him to come in a moment while I put on some clothes to return his jacket.

“You’ve… been so generous to me- I don’t even know your name…” I handed the jacket back to him after he sat down the cup of joe I had fixed for him out of courtesy for his efforts.

“… Just call me Aki…” There it was again, that bashful softness in his voice which rather reminded me of.. myself. But before I could go on about anything more he would shift to the door, open it, and stand in the frame looking back to me for a moment. “You be safe from now on…”

I hadn’t even got to give him my own name before he was out the door and down the steps. It muffled up my thoughts very little afterwards as I was brought away from the matter when my body gave a remembering pang. A hot, bubbly bath was the only thing I could think of to rid my body of the disgust and grime right now… as well as ease the pain. A bath that would last until I felt content enough to sleep… Or at least worn out enough.

The experience was sure to haunt my dreams… And with such destructive sleep I found myself rather like a zombie the next couple of days that followed, though at least my wounds would finally begin to heal up. I accomplished absolutely nothing those days…. I just loafed around the snug, and secure, inside of the apartment. I had shopping to do, but I dared not set foot outside. I contemplated contacting the police countless times, but.. what would they do about it? Put up flyers and hope to catch the guy? No… No one had to know about this at all. It would never happen again.. Never. “R-Right?”

The day of Seiji’s return had arrived, and still… The apartment was wrecked, food was scarce, and I felt as though death itself was looming over me. All this time had provided me with plenty of time to think about it. To think about whether or not I would tell Seiji… I couldn’t keep it from him, really, could I?... No, he didn’t need that sort of worry at such a crucial time in his young life… I had to keep it to myself. He didn’t need to worry about me every time I stepped outside now. That was my burden alone… I was already a burden enough it seemed as I constantly sidetracked him from work when we- No… I had to shake all of these thoughts off before he came home. I had to do something- clean up, anything. Make him something to come home to- I didn’t know what to do!

Seiji would come home, seemingly pleasant, only to see me in an emotional wreck in a corner, crying endlessly and having accomplished absolutely nothing. I could hear him drop everything and run over to me, his arms automatically coiling around me and holding me against his chest.

“No-No, don’t touch me- I’m dirty, Seiji. You deserve better- I’m so sorry- I’m so sorry, Seiji!” I was never one to burst out or lose my emotions so easily, but being genuinely shook I cried out and sobbed against him. I had no original intent to tell him, but the gate on the flood had broke and my shame was bore. “Seiji- I was unfaithful- I’m sorry- S-some guy, he grabbed me and-and he made me and I- I’m so damned sorry, Seiji!”

Before I could pour out any more of my horrendous story, one which must have blindsided Seiji entirely, he tugged back just enough to look me square in the eyes. That itself was enough to hush me, shoulders heaving with each struggling breath as I silently stared back.

“Sono-… What is all of this about?- Are you okay?”

“N-No… I’m not… I’m not okay… I was unfaithful to you, I didn’t get a thing done around here a-and… I want to move out of this city- I’m s-sorry Seiji… I know you want to live here, but I just can’t, so I understand if you want to see other peop-“ His lips pushed against mine to halt my ramble and I felt my body tremble. I was saying all of this and yet he was… being affectionate?

“What are you talking about, Sono?... I love you. If you wanted to move back to the suburbs all you had to do was say so- not come up with this big huge story… and I don’t care what this place looks like- As long as you are in it.”

“B-but Seiji-“ Again, he kissed me to cut me off.

“No but’s. We’ll look for a good place tomorrow, huh? But for now I am STARVING! How about whipping me up a dish of something?” He cheesed at me and gave me one of those puppy-like nuzzles. He always had that special way of buttering me up and making all of my frets disappear.

“There really isn’t anything here…” I felt horrible to say it, but even on our generous incomes we were still barren when I didn’t get to go shopping in a while.

“Ah, well, uh… How about you slip into something nice and I’ll take you out someplace nice?”

“Aheh… S-sure…” It felt like he had offered me for our first date all over again. I smiled, nodded, and got to my feet with his help, giving a quick peck to his cheek before I snuck away to our room to fetch something a little more appropriate to wear in public, because surely pajamas weren’t good enough.

“Be sure to wipe away those tears, beautiful!” He yelled to me from the front room.

‘Beautiful’… The word bounced in my mind a few times and brought an instant smile to my lips. As I dabbed away my last few tears and looked into the mirror… I realized something. I realized it, despite all of my doubts and wonderings….

I am Sono Hanasaki…

I have been with my lover, Seiji Yamada, for quite a wonderful while now…

And you know what?

I am incredibly in Love with him.


Se End~

[] … For now. –Winks-
[] I hope you enjoyed it.
[] ~ By Blaze/Immorai.. Ciao babe’os!