The The Wall Around Your Heart
The The Wall Around Your Heart
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And if I built this
fortress around your heart
Encircled you in trenches and barbed wire
Then let me build a bridge
For I cannot fill the chasm
And let me set the battlements on fire
- Sting “Fortress
Around Your Heart”
Watanuki was not an easy person. Just about everything he
did was steeped in some sort of resistance that took a long time to break down.
But Doumeki had never been one to give up on a hard fight.
But there had been progress. Despite what manga seemed to
suggest the “first kiss” had not been the ultimate event in their
relationship. Rather, it had been accompanied by a rather hard slap to the face
and a week’s worth of avoidance. Hardly what he’d call a great moment by any
stretch of the imagination. But it had been the necessary first step down a
very long road.
After that Watanuki began to come out of his shell, fighting
him less and less when it came to physical contact. By the third time their
lips touched he thought he could feel
Watanuki begin to kiss back, and the lack of a physical reprimand was certainly
an improvement over the last two times. It had been going fine, until he became
a bit too optimistic and slipped in
some tongue, but it had been a lesson well learned.
He had no illusions about how long it was going to take. He
knew that the entire time he was only one misstep away from messing up the
entire thing. The precariously slow pace was maddening, but each little step
forward gave him newfound motivation, to the point that even the smallest bit
of physical contact was a victory in itself.
He also knew that Watanuki was desperately fighting an
instinctive urge to run away and cover himself up, but whenever Watanuki got
stubbornness he knew he had to keep pushing.
He sometimes wondered what he wanted out of all of this. It
wasn’t his own physical satisfaction – that was just about out of the question –
and it wasn’t until he was allowed to venture south and past the boundaries of
accidental contact that he began to figure it out. The first time Watanuki
stopped biting his lip and just moaned
was the moment that he finally understood.
I want to see him like
this. I want him to drop that mask, to just let someone love him and comfort
him and pleasure him. I want him to just be himself.
It took all of his self-control to not just dive in and
force open those doors at that point. But slowly, almost unnoticeably, Watanuki
had begun opening them himself, becoming less guarded about his reactions.
The first time the glasses came off and Watanuki shut his
eyes in embarrassment there had been a momentary fear that perhaps he’d gone
too far and ruined the entire thing, but then Watanuki had dispelled that idea
by simply throwing his head back as if in surrender.
It was almost too much to see that face, but Doumeki loved
and desperately needed it. Physically it was the clothes that were coming away,
but at the same time Watanuki allowed himself to be touched and kissed with
less reservation and embarrassment. It became harder and harder for Doumeki to
ignore the effect all this had on him, but he’d resolved to hold that back.
Watanuki was fighting an even stronger urge to run away, and he had nothing to
complain about by comparison. It got easier, but there had to be a breaking
point, it was just a question of who’d give in first. It didn’t turn out
anything like he’d expected.
Doumeki knew something was different about that time, when
for once he wasn’t the one leading the way and dragging them somewhere private.
He’d been startled initially, wondering if something was wrong, but it became
very hard to think about that sort of thing as soon as their shirts were off.
Watanuki was both passive and desperate and only became more so as the pace
increased. Before he knew it they were breathing in time between each touch of
his hand.
He wondered vaguely if this was what going crazy felt like,
but quickly found that he didn’t care.
When a pair too-warm hands suddenly came up to grasp
out of his surprised stupor and continue.
So close, so close…
It was only when it was over that Doumeki realized that
concentrating. Somehow a pair of trembling, warm arms came up pull him closer.
“Shizuka…”
It might have been easy to simply stop then and declare
victory, but some part of Doumeki’s mind knew that this wasn’t the
end of the fight either. It was always going to be tough, but he allowed himself that moment
to relish his accomplishment as he memorized the way Watanuki was panting and flushed
over his entire body, holding him like there was no tomorrow.
I’ll tear down that
wall, he resolved. One brick at a
time.
- End