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Fall To Pieces	By : longxlostx Category: Gravitation > Yaoi - Male/Male > Yuki/Shuichi Views: 1093 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation. =[ Murakami is goddess, and she makes all the money off it. I write for my own amusement.

Chapter List
- 1-Fall To Pieces
- 1
Authors Note;; BEFORE YOU READ. Know this;; I hated doing this as well. But the muse wouldn’t stop. This idea was dreamt up one night with Random Dreamsxx in a late night conversation. Hiro is her favorite so I don’t know how, but she came up with the basic idea. And it just blossomed from there. I don’t want to give too much away, but I promise, don’t pass off this story. It may seem just like another drug fic, but I promise it’s not. Everything that happens in here has a purpose.
Warnings;; This fiction contains hard drugs, death, and graphic sex.
Disclaimers;; I don’t own Gravitation. Sadly. Random Dreamsxx also owns half the rights to this story, as we plot together, I just do the writing. She throws in here and there, but she’s mostly brains. Also don't own the song 'Fall To Pieces'. That belongs to Velvet Revolver.
__________________________________
It’s been a long year
Since you’ve been gone
I’ve been alone here
We’ve grown on
_______________________________________________
Ring. Ring. Ring.
“What the fuck do you want?” I heard Yuki grumble, through my hazy half unconscious mind. I felt a soft shift, and he was leaning up a bit when I cracked one eye open. “Calm down. I can not understand a word you’re saying.” The sleepiness was only half gone, when he looked at me and held the phone out. He groaned, flopping onto his stomach and burying his face in the pillow once I had relieved him of the object disturbance. It was three a.m., after all.
“Hello?” I whispered, my eyes slipping closed once more and instinctively snuggling into Yuki, nuzzling my nose on his shoulder blade and inhaling his enticing aroma. One of my hands rose to stroke up and down his spine, fingers trailing lightly over each individual membrane and I heard him make a small sound of approval, arching ever so slightly into my touch as one arm draped over my stomach.
“S-Sh-Shuichi! It’shirohedidn’t..hewasout...ShindouIdon’tknow....”
“Ayaka?” I questioned, recognizing the voice but not understanding a single word she said. “Ayaka calm down, what is it?”
“J-just-“
There was a slight shuffling noise, and I assumed the phone had been taken from her. I heard her sobbing hysterically in the background, and sat straight up in bed now. What was going on?
“Shuichi, it’s K. You need to get to the hospital. Hiro’s been in an accident, and it doesn’t-“
That was all I heard.
The phone slipped from my grasp, hitting the bed with a soft thump. The blood in my body froze right inside my veins. My breath stopped where it was about to leave my lungs. My entire being paused for a moment, unable to comprehend.
Hiro...
Hiro, hurt?
I didn’t realize Yuki had sat up next to me, until I felt him reach across my lap to turn off the phone that was loudly echoing a dial tone now. I sensed his golden eyes on me, but was too frozen to look. My brain was still fighting to understand this.
Then, it clicked.
I flew off of the bed, searching around the floor and coming in contact with only air. I tripped over my own feet multiple times, and fell flat on my face once. I didn’t even falter, and snapped right back up. Finally, I located my shorts. I didn’t bother searching for boxers, just tugged on the previously discarded article. I hopped while doing so, my heart racing so loud I heard it in my ears. No tears, yet. I was still in too much shock.
I heard the soft question in the form of my name leave my lovers lips, but I brushed it off in my haste. I was frantically rummaging for my hoodie. Fuck my shirt; just give me something to put on. I needed to get to the hospital, NOW!
“Brat.” It wasn't a question now, but a demand for a response.
Still, I searched only for my hoodie, and managed to snag it.
“SHUICHI!” I was roughly shaken, as large, warm hands closed around my shoulders. I hadn’t even noticed Yuki stand. Slowly, mechanically, I finally looked at my novelist. He was staring at me, concern apparent in his eyes though his features were carefully emotionless. “What is going on?”
At the hard shake and Yuki’s soft but demanding words, I cracked. The tears leaked from my amethyst eyes like rain, and I flung myself at him, sobbing into his chest. “H-Hiro is in t-t-the hospital! I ...I have to get there, now. Right now!” I cried, before pulling away and ripping the hoodie over my slim shoulders, before making a mad dash to the door. Something curling around my wrist held me back, and I was gently urged backwards.
“Idiot, slow down.”
“N-N-No! I have to go, NOW!” I yelled, pulling away and trying with all my strength to make it to the door. No coherent thoughts were playing in my mind. I needed to get to Hiro. Immediately.
My back slammed harshly against something hard, and I cried out. That did it, the pain jarred me into reality. Hiro was in the hospital. I broke down, fat tears leaking from my eyes and I desperately covered my face, sobbing heavily.
I felt Yuki's hands still on my arms, but then they were gone. I sobbed harder, looking up at him with tear blurred vision. He was pulling on pants. "W-w-what ar-re you ...?"
Fuck, I couldn't even speak.
"Taking you to the hospital, dumb ass. What does it look like?" I was shocked to hear that Yuki's voice held no hostility, and was carefully neutral.
Was he actually trying to not upset me more?
I was to upset to care much right now, though. My hysterical sobbing came back with a vengeance, and I nearly collapsed. A strong hand closed around my bicep, and lead me, practically dragged me, to the door and down the steps to the car. The whole ride was a blur. I didn't remember one significant detail about it, except that my chest felt as if it were collapsing in the whole time, and the top of my shirt was soaked as well as my cheeks slippery.
Yuki didn't speak to me, and I was grateful to him for that.
Because right now, I, for once, had nothing to say. Nothing to say until...
As soon as I felt the car come to something remotely like a stop, I flung the door open and rushed inside the nearest entrance. I sped over to the receptionist desk, and was annoyed to see that she was on the phone. I didn't pause for a moment.
"I n-n-need..."
Fuck it all, I still couldn't speak. I took a few calming breaths, and was prepared to ask again when I felt a soft brush against my side.
"Hiroshi Nakano. Room number, please." I heard Yuki ask curtly. I turned my face into his shoulder, unable to speak my gratitude. He squeezed my wrist, but didn't take his cold eyes off the chattering, young nurse.
Unfortunately for her, the girl was a snob.
She glanced at Yuki, and held up a finger to us as if to tell us to wait. I felt Yuki tense, and I attached myself to his side, crying into his shoulder.
Normally, Yuki would have repeated himself tersely once more. If I had been in any sort of normal state, my heart would have soared with love for him for what he did next. But I wasn't normal, I was still in quite loud hysterics, much to the nurses dismay. But my chest still tightened in silent appreciation.
"Listen bitch, do your job and give me the fucking room number."
His tone held no room for argument.
"Excuse me, a moment." The girl mumbled into the mouthpiece, and finally turned her eyes to Yuki. "I'm sorry sir, but..." Her eyes met Yuki's, and she stopped. Her eyes respectively widened, and I was sure I knew why. She saw danger in his eyes. Her fingers flew over the keyboard in front of her, and in less than ten seconds she had our answer. "F-four eighteen, s-sir."
He simply nodded, and turned towards me to drag my breaking down body to said room, but I was already taking off towards the nearest elevator. I accidentally knocked another nurse over, scattering her papers all over the floor.
I didn't even pause.
My breathing was coming in short pants by the time I made it there, and I didn't even turn the door know. Slamming my small body into the door, I flew into the room and was flung myself down beside the red haired body on the bed, ignoring anyone else in the room.
"Shindou-san, be care-" I heard a girls voice whisper, and I turned to her, snarling.
"Shut up!"
Ayaka's blue eyes widened, but I couldn't care less. I turned back to Hiro, who frowned at me, probably about to scold me for talking to his girlfriend that way, but I buried my face in his neck. Thankfully, it was undamaged and I sobbed into it, holding his shoulders as tight as I dared.
He didn't even wince.
"Oh, Hiro! You can't die on me, you can't, you can't, you can't!" I sobbed, shaking my head and bawling like a stubborn child. "No, you're my best friend! You can't die on me!"
_______________________________
"NO! YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND, YOU CAN'T DIE ON ME!"
A sharp pain was ripping through me, tearing my lungs to shreds. A loud ringing echoed horribly in my ears, along with a high pitched wailing.
And as every other night for the past three months had been, that wailing was me.
Screaming in my sleep had become a nightly thing, but it still took me a few seconds to compose myself enough to stop the grating noise. I forced a few deep breaths, wincing at the swallowing glass feeling in my burning throat. My lungs, so used to being worked and healthy, have been neglected more often than not for the past couple of months.
I hadn't spoken to anyone since that fateful night.
Except for Yuki.
Glancing over half heartedly, for I somehow already knew the answer, I checked to make sure I hadn't woken Yuki.
A light snore met my ears.
Despite myself, a small wistful smile arose. Even when I refused to listen or create any sound, Yuki would of course be my one exception. His voice was just to beautiful to miss. And it's very difficult living with someone and not speaking to them. As much as I hate any kind of unnecessary noise these days, I knew I couldn't live without Yuki's voice in any form.
Unfortunately, there was something else I couldn't live without.
Worriedly squinting in the pale moonlight at my lovers angelic sleeping face, I reached out and brushed strands of woven gold off his cheekbone. He didn't stir an inch. I wasn't surprised my lover hadn't awoken. He'd become accustomed to my fitful slumbers, and didn't even twitch when I screamed as loud as I could in my sleep.
Which was saying something, because I happen to be quite loud.
Not bothering to get off the bed carefully or slowly, I gingerly hopped off the bed and padded to the shelf in the corner where my Kumagoro knock off plushie rested at night. I plucked it from it's perch, being careful to only grab it's ears, and made my way out of Eiri's bedroom.
I still found myself calling it 'Eiri's bedroom'. It felt odd to call it ours. It had always just been Eiri's, and I slept in Eiri's bed if I was 'being cute' and managed to not annoy him too much.
Ever since...that night, Eiri, the cold bastard Yuki Eiri, has not even had the heart to kick me out of his bed.
I sighed. Because that definitely said something about how messed up I've become.
Shaken from the nightmare of a memory I suffered through night after night, I hastily moved through the basically empty living room and out onto the balcony, my hands already shaking in anticipation. I perched upon the swinging chair I'd convinced Eiri to buy months ago, instantly ripping the Velcro-closed opening on the back of my Kuma plushie off. This area was used for stuffing. It used to have a lot more than it currently does, but I'd ripped most of it out. Now...
Now I stashed my contraband here.
Contraband as far as Yuki Eiri is concerned. A sad frown rose as I thought of the many times Eiri has attempted to knock me off of all of this, before eventually giving up and just showing me his disgust as he has been.
Of course, Eiri has no idea how bad it really is.
Oh, he knows I’m on something. But he thinks it’s all relatively minor, common substances. I’ve smoked marijuana right in front of him, taken sleeping pills out of his prescription bottles and if he wouldn’t provide or refused to allow me some for ‘my own good’, I’d down some Nyquil. That knocked me right out.
I’ve even snorted a line or two of coke in front of him. That earned me a smack across the back of the head, a repulsed look accompanied by a disgusted scoff, and a slammed closed office door for most of the night along with the cold shoulder for a few days. But he hasn’t bothered chastising me for a few weeks now. If I’m high or doped up, it’s not so bad. Sometimes I even smile with little effort.
He knows I can’t stop, and as long as it doesn’t get into harder stuff he’ll deal because, as much as he swears, or used to, that he doesn‘t care, he can‘t stand to see me as I am now.
Little does he know...
I carefully extracted my needle, lighter, miniature bottle of water, thin leather strip and the small spoon I hid in there as well as two of the little tablets I would need. Closing the plastic bag I held the rest of my rapidly diminishing supply of tablets, I shoved it roughly back into Kuma and set the other supplies on my closed knees. I would have to buy more soon, my tolerance was building. It had started out as a half of a tablet, and now I was up to two. I could keep taking two for a few more chases, then I would eventually have to gradually take more.
No problem.
Balancing the spoon on a knee cap, I crushed the tablets between my finger pads, letting the powder fall onto the spoon. When I finished that, I opened the water bottle and tipped it ever so gently onto the spoon, letting a few drops drip into it to mix with the powder. Using my pinky finger to stir it, I held it up higher when I was satisfied it was stirred as much as it could be. Holding the lighted under the spoon for a few seconds, I saw it mix together more thoroughly. When I was sure it was ready to go, I set everything else down beside me except the spoon, picked up the needle and pulled the plunger back while setting the tip into the contents of the spoon. When it was filled, I set the spoon and needle both down before picking up my leather strip. I bit my lip as I expertly tied it so tightly around my bicep that it actually bit into me a bit. I waited impatiently for my veins to show themselves more clearly. holding my arm straight in front of me.
When a thick, pulsing vein directly in the middle of the crease in my elbow bared itself, I smiled in silent anticipation. I tapped the needle with my index finger, squirting the smallest bit I could out of it to make sure there were no air bubbles. Flicking the vein in turn, I picked up the needle once more and gently eased the tip into my vein, biting my lip.
I really did hate the idea of this.
But the fact was, I couldn't stop now.
When the plunger wouldn't go any further, I gingerly plucked the metal tip from my arm and set it atop Kuma. I snapped the belt off, and felt the rush almost instantly. As the wondrous drug filled my very being, my eyes closed in bliss, knowing my oblivion was swiftly approaching. It was only mere moments now.
And then the heroin kicked in.
After the glorious feeling had been enjoyed singularly for a few minutes, I focused enough to put the rest of my things away in Kuma’s back, being sure to close the back. I grabbed his ear and stumbled back into the house, the world whizzing in my brain. the edges of my vision were blurry with the pure euphoria I was feeling, the complete numbness.
No worries about my lost best friend, my sleeping lover who would quite literally rip my head off, my work quickly going down the drain.
Absolutely. Nothing.
It was fantastic.
I hazily dropped Kuma by the side of the couch, knowing Eiri wouldn’t be bothered with it. He was used to my Nittle Grasper things laying around, and didn’t think twice of them.
Where better to hide incriminating evidence, rather than the absolutely obvious?
I fell onto the couch like dead weight, a dumb, doped out smile on my face as my mind buzzed and music filled my head.
This was the only time I could stand to hear it, because the numbness drowned every bad feeling that surfaced with it.
Sighing contentedly, I snuggled my face into the plush, velvet like pillow thrown casually on the couch and drifted almost immediately into a satisfied sleep, calm as I’d ever been, and I was dead to the world.
________________________________________
The world was shifting all around me.
But was it really? My head was still filled with the sweet melodies I so longed for but couldn’t stand hearing, the numbness still suffocating the negative feelings. My limbs felt like lead, and my eyelids felt bolted to my cheeks but I forced them open a centimeter and squinted through the darkness something soft whispered over my hair.
My eyes fluttered, and zoned in on the sad, golden ones gazing right back at me.
Yuki.
I smiled hazily yet gleefully, trying to lift my arms to wrap around his long neck and pull myself to him. He looked so sad, I don’t want him to look like that.
Sunshine colored strands brushed my nose and made me giggle as I was lifted into a pair of strong bonds around me, comforting warmth surrounding me, and I was so euphorically out of this world as I slipped my heavy eyelids closed once more, that I wasn’t sure if what I heard mumbled in that pitying voice was real.
“I guess we’re both haunted by dead men now, huh Shuichi?”
___________________________
Authors Note;; Honestly, the origin of this story is very long and I explained all that must be explained in the first authors note but I would like to make one thing clear. I do not, repeat, do NOT, nor have ever done, heroin or any hard drug. I wrote Shuichi’s heroin scene off of pure educational knowledge. Obviously, it’s common knowledge heroin is done in the form of a needle. I googled the rest, and saw a documentary on it once.
So I hope you enjoyed the prologue! First actual chapter coming soon!
Yuki;; You really are a damn idiot, brat.
Shuichi ;;YOU KILLED HIROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Lolli;; No, no, no. *pats Shu on the head* It’s just a fanfiction Shu-Chan, it’s not real.
Shuichi;; Are you sure? *sniffle*
Lolli;; Yes brat, I’m-
Ryu;; YOU TAINTED KUMA!! *whacks Shu on the head with Kuma* Bad Shu-Chan!
Shuichi;; .
Yuki;; *lights up a cigarette* I’m surrounded by imbeciles.
Lolli;; *Inching towards Yuki’s pack.*
Yuki;; *Puffs cigarette, notices Lolli’s getting suspiciously close to his precious cigarettes. Glares evilly.* Don’t even think about it.
Lolli;; Aw man. *pouts*
Ryu;; *waves Kuma in the air* See that little green phrase below me? CLICK IT! Review! And remember, KUMA DOES NOT CONDONE DRUGS!!
Kuma;; *nods*
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Fall To Pieces