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Kokatsu Teien	By : FatuousOne Category: +S to Z > Tsukihime Views: 1828 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Tsukihime, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Kokatsu Teien
- 1
Kokatsu Teien

"How does it feel?"

His tongue was warm, so warm that it surprised me. A sound popped out of my mouth unconsciously. The texture of it on my skin sparked feelings that faded too quickly for my liking. Trying not to beg, I asked him to do it more—faster.

"Good, then." He grinned at me mischievously.

"Mm, y-yes!" My voice squeaked as his hands slowly rubbed my butt. My back was on the mattress, and his head was nuzzling at my bare legs. Cocking an eyebrow, he bit down on my inner thigh lightly, making me mew embarrassingly. It felt far better than it had any right to.

"Please—don't tease me, Tohno-kun!"

He grinned as he pulled one hand away from rubbing my butt to press his glasses back up to the bridge of his nose, and ignoring me completely, he bit me on the opposite leg.

"T-Tohno-k-kuun!" My panties were peeled away as Tohno-kun sank his teeth into the cloth and yanked upward. His cool fingers held up legs upright, and my damp underwear was quickly flung away. He could see everything clearly, and as such, I was at the height of my embarrassment. Tears started to gather at my eyes, and despite myself, a few of them slipped down.

"Don't cry, Satsuki." Tohno-kun was suddenly up close; his hands brushed away the tears. "Sorry. I won't tease you anymore."

"Tohno-kun�" His smile just encompassed my vision, blinding me to all else. I couldn't get any happier—or so I thought.

His hand went under my shirt and massaged my breast, palming it and squeezing at my nipples oh-so-very lightly. His face came closer to mine and he gently kissed me, which progressively grew deeper and deeper. His tongue poked at my lips, and I opened them invitingly.

And then, it all got so much better.

The kiss lasted a while longer before he pulled away, and gave me another smile. "Ready, Satsuki?"

"Ahhnmm. Y—es?" I drowsily stuttered and nodded, even though I wasn't quite sure what he was talking about.

Then he pulled back slightly, and the answer came to me.

"O-oh!" I almost instinctively shut my legs—and then stopped. This was what I wanted.

It was almost grotesquely large, I thought. A thing like that could never fit in me but—

He palmed it, and guided it to me. My knees curled up to my chest, and I tried to stay calm as he pushed the head i—

"AHH!" I came. Just fr—

"Nnhahh�"

"Haah�"

"Ah�hah�"

"Mmmhaaah�" I lifted my hand and looked at the liquid sticking to it. Somewhat dazed, I brought it to my mouth and licked it.

It tasted—

"Disgusting."

I glanced about my empty room, and then cleaned myself up with some tissues.

I was so disgusting.

---

School time after those sessions was very awkward for me. Always, always, always I seemed to catch lots of glimpses of Tohno-kun, and that reminded me vividly of my fantasies and—

Well, I got excited, of course.

Excited was okay, even being around Tohno-kun got me excited anyway. It just was much more intense whenever I did it. It was weird, since I heard that type of thing was supposed to be good for release.

But, I was just weird anyway.

I was always watching him. Not to say that I was stalking him, but whenever I was near him, my eyes would be following him. If he looked in my direction—not even at me, just turning his head towards me—I'd always looked away with my heart pounding, but—

I was hopeless. If I didn't see him often, I'd start fantasizing, if I did see him often, I'd fantasize even more. More and more, it sometimes felt like all I thought about was Tohno-kun.

Thinking about Tohno-kun like that made me feel bad. It felt like I was staining his image. But at the same time, if I didn't, I got even worse.

But I was good at hiding it. I think. While I've only talked to Tohno-kun a handful of times, I don't think he got any weird impressions of me, and whenever talk of Tohno-kun comes up—sadly, not often—I don't act strange.

I think.

And then—

I heard the teacher talking about Tohno-kun.

---

—and, I walked away. I was still a little shocked at my own boldness. Talking with Tohno-kun was one thing, but getting a promise like that out of him was�

"If I'm in a pinch, you'll save me—huh." I murmured dully as I walked home.

It wasn't even really serious. There was no way he'd actually take it seriously but it—

It was important. It felt really good. I smiled to myself, feeling giddy. That type of conversation left me a bit drained, but I felt good inside. Every day, I'd just fantasize about dirty things, but that light, reminiscent chat felt nice and warm.

I wanted to feel like that again.

And starting today, that was hopefully what I'd do. Because, even if it was a little uneasy for him, he'd be walking in the same way to and from school from that day forward, the same direction as me.

School, school— "Damn."

I stumbled slightly as I remembered. I had been loitering in the crosswalk because I had left a few books behind. I was going to get them, but then I had ran into Tohno-kun and—

"Oh well." It was almost dark, but if I ran, I'd be only a little late getting home.

It was worth it, walking with Tohno-kun.

---

Was it when I was at school?

Walking home?

One moment, everything was fine, and the next I couldn't breathe. The world just slid out of focus, and I think I fell.

Was I hit by someone?

My fingers—they didn't work. I couldn't feel them. My hands, and feet, and�

A breath, hot and moist against my neck—what was it?

But sensations I'd only experienced in my dreams came. My mind crackled with emotions, but everything felt wrong. I was too confused to know anything but—yes, I think I was in pain. My body, and my mind and my—

The world was just one big dark blur, and the pain that came from looking at it made me shut my eyes. And then it got worse. Pain shot through every part of my body. At first it was just down there, but then—it grew. Like some sort of worm or snake inside my body, it writhed through me, each pulse of my heart caused it to constrict. I'm sure, at that point, I should have screamed, but no matter how much pain I felt, it still felt wrong.

Its thing pulsated inside me too. Warm, but even that felt wrong. It hurt. Even as much pain as my body was it, it hurt too. It was just—

Wrong. This wasn't supposed to happen. Tohno-kun, I wanted to walk wi—

---

I woke up.

I thought it was a nightmare, one that I had just broken away from, but when I opened my eyes, everything was still out of focus. The world was different. Buildings, plants, signs, animals—they were all different. People too, looked different—but also the same.

And I w—

I was out in the street.

"Huh?" I looked around, but I didn't know where I was. It wasn't anywhere I usually went. It wasn't familiar at all.

I walked around, aimless. Concrete gave way to grass.

It was still dark, but I didn't have any trouble seeing a little rabbit frozen in the trimmed green lawn of the park—yes, that's where I was. I'm not sure why I hadn't noticed before.

Suddenly, the bunny was in my hands. "Huh?"

No, rather, I was where the bunny had been before and it was in my hands and now its head was—

I stared at the corpse in my hands as it dribbled blood onto my fingers. "What?"

What happened?

I listlessly dropped the thing. It hit the grass with a thump; it was heavy now that all the muscles and fat inside it were now just meat. I could almost see the organs and muscles and veins, now just being dried up and worthless.

My mouth had an odd taste in it.

Was it bile?

No, I didn't feel like throwing up. It was odd; I felt nothing even though the bunny just died in my hands for some reason. Normally I think I would have been a little freaked out by that, well, that's shock, I guess.

Oh. There was blood all over my hands. I stared at them, but I didn't have anything to wipe it off so I scraped off as much as I could onto the grass. I'd wash my hands later.

I was walking away from the park. When did—well, obviously, I needed to get home. But on that thought, where were my books?

My school bag too, for that matter. Had I just suddenly fallen asleep?

No, that didn't make any sense. I was running back to school and then�

And then, I'm not sure.

Then I was on a street I wasn't familiar with. Building loomed over me. "Um?"

I was walking out of the park, which would have lead me�? That didn't make sense. Was I actually in a different park or something? No, in the first place, where did these buildings come from?

"Um�" I saw someone skulking by an alleyway, I wasn't sure if it was a man or a woman, but I was utterly lost at this point. "Hello, could you help me?"

I stepped in the alleyway and came across the person—a man, it looked like. "Hello, sir, could you help me?"

Except now he was on the floor. "Are you alright?"

In this situation, I should have been yelling, but I was actually really calm. Even when I turned the man over and saw that he was very clearly dead, I felt fine. The smell coming from the man indicated that he was likely homeless, but still. Somebody doesn't just topple over and die just like that, right?

Topple? Now that I think about it, he was just suddenly on the ground, wasn't he.

I stared at the man, and then tore off his arm like it was made of bread. Was this really a human? Some sort of doll?

His organs looked real, didn't they?

Hm, there wasn't any blood.

Was this a victim of that serial killer?

No, he was definitely walking before, wasn't he�

When I decided to stare at my hands was it actually hit me.

"I'm hungry,"

I was really, REALLY hungry.

That was when I actually felt like puking. Because, even if I was completely calm, there was no possible way I could rationalize this. But even if I wanted to puke, my body wouldn't respond like that.

"Some type of monster?" I stared at my hands, which were still covered in the rabbit's blood, and probably some of the homeless man's too.

I killed them both, huh?

Yes, the bunny's head was too fragile, and I accidentally popped it off before I knew it. The homeless man didn't even struggle before I tore into his neck and drank him dry; his blood had lots of alcohol in it. He probably didn't even know he was dying when I killed him.

And then there was that dream—

I finally vomited. Blood spewed out my throat and splattered onto the man I had been dissecting with little thought. It hurt. The alcohol and blood it� hurt. Obviously, just drinking it at random wasn't any good.

Blood was on the heart instead of in it. I gave a few coughs, each one spewing a bit more blood back onto the man.

Finally, it hit me.

That same calmness was still there, even now, but the wrongness was there. I felt cold. I felt hungry. My body hurt, and more. Even though it felt distant, it was still there. I could ignore it, but it was still there.

I was a monster.

"Even though," I coughed one last time. "Even if I'm a monster, monsters can feel too, right?"

Please, I want to feel. I want to cry. This wasn't supposed to happen. Tohno-kun, save me, please?

Instead of what I wanted, I got up and looked for someone else to eat.

---

Honestly, it was a blank. I probably killed a lot more, lots and lots more. But—like it was when I just woke up, it was just a blur. I was walking in the streets and then felt really, really good, and before I knew it I was walking away from some other area feeling a bit less hungry—just a bit.

I do remember a few. They're all pretty dim in my memory, mixed with bliss, but one time, I accidentally gave a man a bit of my blood. My fangs—my body isn't the same anymore—can inject my own blood. I definitely killed him, but he got up again.

It was odd.

After he got up, I felt a strange connection to him. I'm sure that I could have ordered him to do what I wanted—well, if he had completed... whatever. He disintegrated shortly after, and I started to realize more about myself.

One tried to fight against me, and I found that incredibly funny. I'm not sure why, but at the time, it was. I broke his neck like a twig, it was easy.

It was funny at the time, but now that I look back, I find myself incredibly sad. It's easy. Killing people is incredibly easy. The man who tried to fight looked pretty strong, but he didn't last a minute before I had killed him too.

Killing people shouldn't be that easy.

I must have killed dozens of people now, but with each one, it just continues to feel wrong. Something like killing people shouldn't ever be able to feel right.

But� I couldn't stop. I was so hungry, and finding the right type of blood was harder than I thought. It's not like I have to be specific to sate myself, but certain things make it as painful as it is pleasurable to consume. Alcohol, for one, but finding people in a proper state wasn't easy when the town was on high alert thanks to that killer—the killer that killed me.

The serial killer, his face flashes in my mind, but I don't want to remember. That night, the day before yesterday—it's only been two days?

Yes, just two days and I'm already—

I'm not sure, but somewhere along the lines I stopped. I held myself back, and just huddled in the dark. The thought of eating someone else made my stomach churn, but at the same time, made my head grow fuzzy with excitement. It wasn't just that I was hungry, eating—humans—was wonderful. Every time I bit into someone's arteries, my body screamed in bliss. It was a thousand times better than any time I had ever had when thinking about Tohno-kun and—

It felt a thousand times more disgusting. I couldn't stop, but I couldn't continue either. I wanted to eat, but I didn't want to eat. I wanted to feel so good again, but I didn't want to feel so good again. I wanted—Tohno-kun.

Already, a hundred more meals have passed me by, but I could resist the urge. I had to. Just until Tohno-kun�

Right, you'll save me, won't you, Tohno-kun?

"Yumizuka-san?" My head shot up at the sound of my name, Tohno-kun was on the tip of my tongue but—

"Hello, Ciel-senpai." My voice sounded incredibly dull, but my heart was beating with disappointment. I was still, really, really hungry and she had just—

No, no!

"What are you doing in a place like this?" The place was actually the corner of some alley. Away from people, and yet not far from them either.

"Eh," I struggled for an answer, but a question came to mind as well. "What are you doing here, Ciel-senpai?"

It was night again. In my brooding, the day had passed me by.

That was actually something odd, the day didn't really affect me as much as those myths always said. I felt weaker during the day, but it wasn't like I was bursting into flame if I went out into the sunlight either.

"I was just doing some late shopping and saw something odd, so I came to investigate." Ciel-senpai gave me a smile, and I could see a bag in her hand.

"Oh." I gave a small sigh, it was hard. Her being right there when I hadn't eaten anyone the entire day. Even with the slaughter I went through the previous night, I was already hungry again.

But I couldn't, I COULDN'T. If I didn't wait for Tohno-kun to save me, I'd always just be a monster. Even more, I couldn't kill someone who was my friend, not Ciel-senpai, could I?

The internal reply to that was so easy. Of course I could. Ciel-senpai could be ripped apart just as easily as anyone else, and she'd probably taste a lot better than most.

Ahh, I was really hungry.

"Yumizuka-san?" My head shot back to attention, I had been daydreaming about drinking Ciel up and then reviving her as my slave. It was so pleasant�

"Y-yes?" The voice that came out of my voice was trembling, but not from embarrassment or fear. I was excited. The thought of Ciel being my puppet excited me, and that thought turned to Tohno-kun as well.

No. No, no, no.

"You still haven't answered my question."

Question—Oh! "I'm, ah." I stumbled for words. "I'm just resting."

It wasn't actually a lie technically, but it felt like a rather silly answer. "I'm fine, though, I'm—I just should get going now, Ciel-senpai."

With that, I shot up, and brushed past Ciel-senpai.

It was when about three paces away from her that I suddenly dropped to the ground on instinct. It was just like with the bunny and homeless man; I didn't even realize what I had done until I was on the ground and staring at Ciel-senpai with wide eyes.

In between the knuckles of her fingers she held several swords, identical to the one that I had just dodged without really realizing it. "W-what?"

"I almost didn't catch it." Ciel-senpai was completely different when she talked, all the warmth was gone. "Well done, vampire. If this had been the first day since you 'went missing', I probably would have been fooled� no, I should say, I was still fooled until you dodged that."

"C-Ciel-senpai?" I had no idea what was going on.

Except—Ciel-senpai was going to kill me. Yes, I could see it in her eyes. She was going to kill me.

Except—wasn't I stronger? I was a monster that had killed dozens of people; I was stronger than any human.

Except—Ciel-senpai, she was frightening. She could kill me. She could definitely kill me, I knew it.

So, I had to run. I definitely had to run otherwise I'd be killed and then Tohno-kun wouldn't be able to save me.

Faster than humanly possible, I kicked away from Ciel-senpai and ran out of the alley. It was dark, and very few people were around, so that wouldn't save me from her.

It was only by the time I had rushed down three more streets did I realize that it was the first time I seemed to be in conscious control of my abilities. Previously, even with Ciel-senpai, it was all instinctive. I did things before I realized what I was doing, but this time, I was moving at speeds that no normal human could go and I could see it all.

It was—incredible.

And then my arm hurt terribly. I kicked off my sprinting and looked around as I realized that Ciel-senpai had already found me. One of those swords was in my arm. It hurt.

"Gugh�" It hurt, it hurt, it hurt, it hurt, it hurt—more than anything I had experienced to that point. My other hand grasped at the sword and pulled it out, just in time to throw it to knock away another of them.

It hurt, my hand hurt too. Just touching one of those swords was painful. But I didn't have any weap—

What was I thinking?

I look at my hands, one of which was bloody again. I don't need weapons, I am a weapon.

Ciel-senpai looked different. I saw her only for an instant, but her school uniform was gone, and in place of it was a clergy robe—or something like it.

"Ahh!" A scream tore itself out of my throat as another one of those sword bit into my leg. I pulled it out with my right hand an—

Actually, now that I look at it, my arm is okay again. It doesn't hurt. It feels somewhat odd, but it's fine. Now that I've taken the one out of my leg, I can feel myself doing something to it and—it's alright again. It's the same, so much of this I'm doing without realizing it. Killing, fighting, healing, it's not natural to me and yet—it's the most natural thing I feel with this twisted new life.

"I see." I hear, but don't see Ciel-senpai. "I thought you were a lower level vampire, but those abilities� You must be a Dead Apostle."

Dead Apostle, was that what I was? It sounds better than monster but—

"Ciel-senpai, please stop trying to kill me." Even then, especially then, with my blood pumping, I wanted to eat her. I really, really wanted to kill her. "I don't want to fight you."

I suddenly whipped my head to the right and saw her. Ciel-senpai was standing on a street light. Her gaze was the same as in the alley, there wasn't any way I can convince her not to fight me, but also—

Those boots were awesome.

For some reason, that thought sprung to my mind and I couldn't shake it, the high-laces and just the general appearance of them were completely amazing. I wanted a pair.

But even with that thought, I kept my focus on Ciel-senpai.

For a brief moment, she looked like she wanted to say something, but then she jumped off the light into an offensive.

Grasping into her robe, she pulled out more of those swords and made a forward stab, faster than my eyes could really follow—but my reflexes were above that. My fist pounded against the ground as I dropped against it to avoid her thrust, as she hit the ground, her footing was uneven from the small tremor I made.

Kicking forward, I punched at Ciel-senpai, but only got a sword thrust into my stomach as a result. Pulling out the blade with a grimace, and flung it at Ciel-senpai in a bad imitation of her movements. In a graceful manner she flipped over the projectile and struck at me in the same motion—far more successfully. I only barely avoided having my neck punctured from the weapon.

Ciel-senpai suddenly rushed me and, instead of using her swords, caught my chin in an uppercut. My jaw cracked, and I could only stagger as she flung me around like a ragdoll in several other moves that I couldn't in follow in my dazed state.

Landing on the ground painfully, I continued to roll, and narrowly avoided being pinned to the concrete from several more swords.

Standing upright, I was mildly pleased to see that Ciel-senpai seemed to be annoyed that I was still alive. Her eyes were hardened as I expected, but her clenched jaw showed that she was definitely pissed off.

Wait—is that actually a good thing?

"I can't believe it," she gave a mutter and shook her head. "What am I doing?"

"S-senpai," Maybe I cou—

Her sword shot out again, and I dodged it, but— "W-what?"

I was stuck. My body wasn't frozen or anything, but I couldn't move away from the spot on the ground I was on.

In that instance, I was impaled dozens of times. "Gughhg."

It hurt. It hurt. It hurt it hurt it hurt it hurtithurtithurtithurtihurtITHURTITHURTITHURTITHURTITHURTITHURT.

One of the swords was stabbed into my throat; I couldn't speak except for wet gurgles.

"This is the end for you." Ciel-senpai stepped forward to finish me off, but I flailed my limbs about violently. The concrete cracked, and I pulled away from the ground, jumping away and picking out the swords still sunken into my flesh.

I was alive! Even though my insides had been pierced, even though it hurt so much, I could still feel myself healing—although slower.

"What a troubleso—" Ciel-senpai froze; her eyes glanced in another direction for a single instance, so I ran. My body hurt so much, but I had to run.

I ran and ran, I can't quite be sure for how long, but when I saw the sun was starting to peek over the horizon, I realized that she hadn't followed me.

---

It hurt.

More than the pain from Ciel-senpai's weapons, more than from the pain of the sunlight, I was hungry. So hungry that it was painful. I had never thought about the agony of starvation before, but I was sure that the pain was I feeling was more than something a human might experience.

More than a sinking hole in my stomach, every nerve on my body ached with every movement. Breathing made me want to spasm in agony.

"I need to eat." I was going to go insane otherwise. If I went insane, I'd just kill people anyway, and Tohno-kun wouldn't be able to save me.

I tried small animals. Birds, rabbits, and a few stray cats and dogs, they worked, and felt just as good, but the blood never went down quite as easily. Even in the day, I was able to survive, the all consuming hunger abated, if only temporarily. I was lucky. I was able to sense people and avoid them, but more than that, I was lucky that I was able to avoid Ciel-senpai.

If she found me during the day—no, if she ever found me again, I knew I would die. I was really strong, but she was far stronger.

But that wasn't important. That day—he came.

I was suckling on a kitten in the shade when, quite suddenly, there he was.

Tohno-kun.

He hadn't seen me, of course, but he was there. Just—walking, like I had wanted to do with him from that day forward.

I glanced at the kitten in my hands as he strode past. It was already dead—drained of all of its blood.

And then it struck me. Seeing Tohno-kun just walking along, completely normal, it hit me so suddenly that I started crying.

Tohno-kun couldn't save me. He didn't know about monsters, he was just a boy that I had a crush on when I wasn't one. Even if he did know about monsters, was there even a way to save somebody who was one?

No, of course there wasn't. Monsters were always killed in stories, they were the bad guys. And, wasn't that what I was? I had just killed who knew how many people and didn't feel much worse off for it, in fact, I wanted to kill more.

I dropped the dead kitten and curled up into a ball, still wailing lowly.

Maybe I had an excuse to think that if I just held out that I could be saved, this wasn't supposed to happen after all, but it was impossible. I wasn't human any longer. I couldn't ever walk with Tohno-kun again, and I could never talk with him again, if I was a monster. If I did—

"Yumizuka-san?"

I froze, a chill ran through my body, but I looked up at Tohno-kun's face.

"It IS you!" Tohno-kun shot forward before I could think to do anything and placed his hands on my shoulders. "You're alive, thank goodness."

"Tohno�kun?" Tears were in my eyes, so his face was blurry, but he was definitely smiling, that same smile. It was just like in my fantasies.

"Yeah," he nodded. His looked relieved, extremely so. He was happy that I was alive—even though I wasn't.

And that just made me want to cry some more, but more than that—I really, really, really wanted to eat him. I wanted to eat him and enslave him and then fuck him. I wanted Tohno-kun to mine; I really, really, really wanted him to be everything. I wanted to bathe in his blood and then laugh when he came back to life and we both—

NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT. NOT TOHNO-KUN, NEVER TOHNO-KUN.

"NO!" I shoved him away; a bit too forcefully it seemed, as he practically flew through the air to land painfully on the ground ten meters away.

"Yumi-zuka-san?" Surprisingly, Tohno-kun got up from that, apparently without too much trouble. His face was still concerned, even after that.

"Stay away!" I stood up. "I can't ever� be with you. If I am, I'll—"

I stopped myself short as he stepped forward again. "I said stay away!"

I was against the wall, but for something like me, it wasn't like I couldn't get away. The problem was that, when he got too close I—

"Yumizuka-san?" Tohno-kun's eyes seemed to flash with understanding, and his concerned face turned pained.

"You understand, don't you, Tohno-kun?" I felt a laugh bubble out. "I-I, I'm not—Stay away from me, please."

And then I ran. That same monstrous strength and speed came to me easily, and I was far, far away from Tohno-kun in a blink of an eye. Far, far away from any hope of salvation.

---

I let myself go.

Not in the murderous sense, but I didn't have any sort of self-worth in me anymore. Something like this would just be expected of a monster, right?

My fingers slide in easily. Being that close to Tohno-kun—of course I was wet.

I pulled my shirt and vest up to pinch my nipples and I imagined Tohno-kun kneeling next to me.

"Satsuki, even if you're lonely, don't just go out of control, okay?" He laughed, before pulling my fingers away and cupping my left breast with his hand. Gently, gently rubbing it in a circular motion, he pecked me on the lips briefly before pulling his head down and encompassing my other breast in his mouth.

"Tohno-kun!" I moaned out happily. "Please, Tohno-kun, do that more."

"Mm." He hummed against my nipple, causing a vibration that made me shiver with pleasure. His left hand slide down my back and cupped my ass, massaging it somewhat roughly compared to the light motions on my breast.

He pinched my nipple lightly with his thumb and forefinger, while kneading my small cup with his palm. The hand rubbing at my butt crept slowly to the side, and I quickly felt a finger pressing against the opening there.

"Tohno-kun! N-not there!" His finger encircled it, while the rest of his hand continued to palm roughly at my bottom, he continued to tease me. "P-please stop that, Tohno-kuuun."

My voice came out half a whine, half a moan. He ignored my plea, and continued to tease me. My breath hitched in a gasp as his teeth ground at my nipple lightly, it was painful, but— "Ahh!"

Everything felt so amazing, and he hadn't even—

"Ready, Satsuki?" Tohno-kun grinned up at me with that smi—

I came, and the fantasy crashed down. Tohno-kun's smiling face blurred into a teary vision of a dank and smelly alley. I pulled my fingers out of my anus and vagina, and then just collapsed.

It was empty.

The feelings that I had for Tohno-kun could never become anything worthwhile. Every time I masturbated to his image it felt like I was tainting him, but this was far worse.

I was a monster that killed people to live, sitting in a back alley of the city masturbating to a high school crush. It was so pathetic. To ever think that Tohno-kun could love something like this was not just an insult to his image, but an impossibility that I couldn't even conceive.

It was so pathetic I wanted to laugh at the absurdity.

And my body did start to shake as laughter bubbled out.

It was only when I stopped several minutes later, that I realized that all I was doing was crying some more.

---

Nightfall came all too soon.

Ironically, in the time when I was strongest, I was actually the most vulnerable. Ciel-senpai was out there somewhere, and most certainly, more dangers were also roaming the town. I wasn't quite sure how I was aware of that, but it seemed fairly sound. Moreover, I was low on the food chain.

Besides Ciel-senpai, there was also—him.

The man—creature, or whatever he was that made me into a monster as well. I remembered now. It was the school. I had just come out of the school when he had taken me.

Yes, he took me and then violated me in every way my mind could conceive, however limited that was.

I hated him so much, now.

I hadn't thought of him much, I had just ignored it while I rediscovered myself, as it were. Now, however, I realized just how much I hated him. Hated what he had done to me, hated myself.

I wanted to kill him, more than anything. Ironically, my instincts rebelled at that thought, but it wasn't long before I stepped towards the school, late at night.

The hours previous, I had been hunting the small wildlife in Misaki, and after leaving behind a trail of small corpses I was as strong as I was going to get without hunting the humans of the city.

There was no possible way I could win, but at the very least, I wanted to die expressing my hate against the one who killed me.

It didn't take me long to find him. We were connected, somehow. Perhaps like that corpse I made stand up again. He looked different than I remembered, but it was definitely him.

"You," I called his attention to me. I was likely an unimpressive sight. A disheveled, ripped and stained uniformed that hadn't been washed in four days, covering a bedraggled vampire who had starved herself for two days before eating a bunch of helpless animals.

"Hm," he blinked his red eyes as he looked at me. Through his bandages, I could see a smile twist his lips. "I'm surprised. I thought you were nothing special, but it turns out you're exceptional. I wonder how mu—"

It didn't matter what he had to say. My fist came at him like a bullet, and he didn't dodge it. I felt his nose and skull crack beneath my knuckles.

That, of course, wouldn't be nearly enough at all!

My other hand struck at his face again, but even swifter than me, his leg thrust into my stomach. It felt like one of Ciel-senpai's sword, and I dazedly realized that his kick had sent me across the hallway into a wall. I checked my stomach, and was amazed that it was still whole. From the pain shooting through me, I had thought for sure that there would have been only a gaping hole in the place of it.

"Gaghh!" I vomited blood, but quickly, albeit unsteadily stood up.

By the time my vision cleared enough to see his face, whatever damage I might have done was healed completely. He continued to talk as if I hadn't interrupted.

"That much strength and speed after only four nights?" He gave a sharp laugh. "Beyond impressive, it almost makes me wish that I had incarnated into you."

I frowned in confusion at his words, but shook my head. It didn't matter.

"Gonna 'ill you!" I slurred my words, I had bit off part of my tongue from the impact against the wall, and it hadn't healed yet.

"Do try," he smiled encouragingly at me.

And I did.

I jumped at him and swung my arm in a wild arc—he broke it. I tried to head butt him as he calmly snapped my arm like a twig and he slapped me aside like an insect. My neck gave a crack, and suddenly I couldn't move my body as it crashed onto the floor.

"Aaahh...!" A whine of pain crept out of my throat, even though I tried to hold it back as my body healed.

He waited patiently as the bones in my neck slide back into place as if they had never given way and I stood up to attack him again.

I was crying as I made another attempt. Not from the pain, but from the pure despair I felt. This was my last, pathetic stand. I was going to futilely die against this creature, while he smiled and nodded thoughtfully as he fended off my attacks like I was some passing gnat. It wasn't even a hopeless effort, it was simple stupidity.

"NO!" I shouted, and slammed my fist into the ground with all my might. It cracked, and he inhaled sharply as the ground of the second floor gave way beneath his feet. Grabbing a chunk of the floor as it fell, I hurled it at him with all my might and felt a small bit of satisfaction as it gave a meaty crack against his chest, and as we hit the ground, I kicked off and thrust my fist against him at nearly the same instance the stone struck him.

My fist went through his flesh, and I felt elation at the sensation of his blood splattering onto me.

For the first time, he gave an expression of agony, and a gasp of pain. I grinned fiercely.

And then he tore my arm off.

"AAAHHH!" Muscle and bone and flesh snapped and ripped as he used pure brute strength and pulled my right arm free of its socket and gave me another kick.

"Very impressive," he nodded without a smile as he dropped my arm onto the floor. "I almost wish you were slightly less powerful so I could help your growth, but I'm afraid at this point, I will just have to get rid of you."

This was it?

I gasped in pain as I watched my blood pour out of me in sharp gushes. The arm on the floor spurted once and then began to decay before my eyes.

A footstep—he came closer.

I was going to die and just disappear, leaving no trace whatsoever of my existence, just like that.

I wouldn't ever be able to see Tohno-kun again. No—that was never a possibility. The reason I could never see Tohno-kun, walk with Tohno-kun, talk with Tohno-kun, fantasize about Tohno-kun, love Tohno-kun—the reason for that was right in front of me.

But it was over. I couldn't even avenge that one broken wish, that one obsession. At the end, my existence turned out to be utterly pointless. A worthless, empty life, that's what I had lived. I got good grades, had friends, had good parents, had a crush, and lived every meaningless day to the fullest, and then just disappeared without a trace.

Wasn't that just pathetic? A tale can't even be tragic if nobody even knows it.

He was right in front of me now.

Isn't that just too sad, Tohno-kun? You don't—no, you understood then, didn't you. Even with how pathetic and empty I had become, you understood what I meant then, didn't you, Tohno-kun.

As pathetic as I am, Tohno-kun, I really, really want to see you again. Just once, I really want to see your smile before I died.

"Tohno-kun." I felt his name slip out of my bloody lips and, just for a second, I did see it. Tohno-kun was smiling at me; it was just an ordinary, day in a field of grass and flowers. The sun was peeking through the numerous clouds in the sky, heating our bodies up and then allowing us to cool down in the light breeze in the air. The wind tickled my skin, but didn't chill it. Tohno-kun stretched in the grass and patted the ground next to him, encouraging me to join him in lazing in the sun. Nothing truly meaningful was in that image, but it was� perfect.

And then, of course, it all turned to ash. Tohno-kun would never smile at me like that again; I could never take part in an ordinary, perfect day ever again.

"What�?" He murmured an exclamation; the tone held the same bizarre pride as when I first cracked my fist against his skull.

Then I noticed that the image I had envisioned wasn't just in my head. The grassy field I thought of was now brown with death, the trees scattered about were withered and cracked around areas of baked, useless soil. Even the clear blue sky was a dull red, mirroring the dead fields.

It was a mockery of my dreams. I immediately hated it.

And I knew instantly that it was a mirror image of my own being.

It was also useless. I understood it perfectly, and so I didn't even have to give it a second's thought to know that against this man, it was as worthless as I was.

"I knew that from the start." I bit out lamely as I stood. "I knew this was hopeless from the start so why�?"

Why did it hurt so much?

Tears slid down my cheeks, mixing with the smeared blood on them. It was so frustrating. I could never see Tohno-kun again, I could never live that meaningless life anymore, I couldn't even hurt this man even a little as vengeance—it all ended up as nothing.

I knew that from the start, but I had hoped that even a worthless monster could have some meaningful ending if it wished for it hard enough.

But that was just an idiotic wish, it had even less meaning than my current existence. It couldn't even be called a hope, it was simply a delusion.

"A Reality Marble," he shook his head. "I didn't think it was possible to realize one so quickly."

He wasn't paying attention to me, at all. I realized that fact with some stupid amazement. My right arm was back, even though I hurt all over, I could still attack him, one last time.

—No. He was surprised with me, apparently, that type of strength isn't normal for monsters, not so quickly. If I could live a little while longer—could I beat him?

No, that was stupid. He was impressed, but hardly worried. Even if I were a thousand times my strength, I'd probably still die.

There wasn't any point. I couldn't win.

—But, even if everything I held inside me was worthless, there was still one thing I could do. There was one tiny wish that allowed me to ignore the clarity in front of me. Even if everything inside me was completely desolate, Tohno-kun had nothing to do with that, Tohno-kun, whom I really, really wanted to see before I died.

I ran. The decayed world collapsed around me and I shot through a window of the school. Glass shot into my arms painfully, but I ignored it and dashed away. I did not look back as I fled the school grounds, and he did not follow me.

---

It was only after I stopped running did I realize how much that one-sided fight had taken out of me. I half collapsed after I stopped moving, only my hand grasping onto the street sign pole held me upright. The pangs of hungry, those painful shuddering aches that made me feel like my insides were falling apart, reminded me.

I needed to eat. If I wanted to live and try to find Tohno-kun, I needed to eat.

But I couldn't. My steps were staggered, and after what felt like hours of stumbling, even when I saw a squirrel that I could eat, my monstrous strength fled me.

"Did I—exhaust myself that much?" I murmured to myself in a confused manner. My tongue was whole again, so even though I felt like I was going to collapse, I didn't slur my words.

I was dying. It didn't even take me that long before the realization popped into my head. Vampires needed to drink the blood of others, if they didn't, they died. That was a natural cycle of life, so I wasn't at all surprised. Even monsters must need to follow certain laws.

Even so, even so—couldn't I see Tohno-kun before that?

Tohno-kun.

Tohno-kun. Tohno-kun. Tohno-kun. Tohno-kun. Tohno-kun. Tohno-kun. Tohno-kun. Tohno-kun. Tohno-kun. Tohno-kun. Tohno-kun. Tohno-kun. Tohno-kun. Tohno-k—

A scream pulled me upright; I had skulked into a familiar alley and sank down, but blinked as I saw a woman get killed right in front of me. How bizarre, a killing happening right there. The vampire was odd as well, even as he suckled on the woman's neck after he had broken it, his dull expression never changed. He looked dead.

"Oh." He was a successful attempt at... something.

The woman—if I could just drink a little bit of that blood I'd be able to live, wouldn't I?

But� why would I want to? I had some reason, didn't I?

What was it?

Revenge, maybe. But who might I want to get revenge against? That didn't seem terribly important.

Hm. Well, the blood was eaten all up before I could come to a conclusion. The thing looked at me with that blank stare as well.

"Tohno-kun�" Oh, that's right! Tohno-kun, I'm really in a pinch right now; could you� please save me?

You promised, after all.

I smiled as it approached. Tohn—

The vampire bit into me, and then fell apart. No, it was more like the whole world fell apart, my vision blurred and I couldn't see the creature anymore except—

"Tohno�uun�?" My head was all fuzzy now—again?

But he was looking at me; he was definitely looking at me. His eyes were staring at me so intensely that even in a world that had fallen apart completely, they were clear.

"Yumizuka-san." He�

�was smiling at me. He was giving me that wonderful, wonderful smile of his. He was saying something else, but I couldn't hear it. The world was suddenly very noisy, filled with some sort of static, like the sound from a lousy television.

He was wearing his glasses now, but his eyes were just as bright and I—

Oh, god. I felt wonderful. He was bleeding, and I—

I really wanted to eat him.

But, I was weak. I couldn't move, and was happy. I shouldn't eat Tohno-kun. Why would I want to eat Tohno-kun?

His fingers were right in front of my dim vision, dripping with some sort of red water. It smelled delicious. My limbs wouldn't move, but my tongue lolled out of my mouth, and a drop of the water hit it.

Oh, god. Tohno-kun.

His other hand was cupping my face, and his fingers were in my mouth. I lost all sense of myself as I suckled. I moaned and thrashed and came and—Tohno-kun, Tohno-kun, Tohno-kunTohno-kunTohno-kuntohno-kuntohnokuntohununnunn�

"Are you all right now, Yumizuka-san?"

I snapped immediately to some sort of lucid state, and pain flared in my skull as I pulled back and smacked my head against the brick wall behind me.

"Ooww�" Tears gathered at my eyes, and even though the pain disappeared quickly, I clutched my head reflexively.

"T-Tohno�kun�?" I looked up, and saw that Tohno-kun was there.

He was there.

He was smiling, a sense of relief seeming to pour out of that smile, but he was still smiling.

"W-why� Tohno-kun?" I was starting to grow more lucid, the danger of my starvation had abated. My hunger was still present, of course, but I wasn't close to death any longer. I wasn't as insane anymore.

"That�" I could still smell his blood. What I had just drunk. His hand was wrapped in a now stained cloth. His knife—the one he had used to kill the vampire, and cut himself with—was in his pocket.

"You� saved me, Tohno-kun?" I was in trouble, so you�?

"Ah," he suddenly looked chagrined. "I guess. I just� did what I could."

"But," he knelt down next to me, and smiled again. "I'm really glad, Yumizuka-san. I'm glad that you're alive."

"T-toh-no�kun�?" He obviously didn't really understand. Not that I was monste—but wait, no, he—

"Even� with all of this, if you're alive, if you can still go on, I'm glad." His smile seemed a little bit sad now, but he still looked at me like I was—

"Tohno-kun!" My limbs should have been better, but they still felt stiff and sluggish. Even so, I was able to grasp at him and I—

Cried. I grabbed onto his shirt and cried. "Tohno-kun�Tohno-kun�ohno-uun�"

Even as my words become simple wailing, I felt happy—deliriously, incomprehensibly happy.

And warm. Tohno-kun's arms were wrapped around me, and I felt warm.

I was still a monster, I was still empty, but—

If Tohno-kun was nearby me, I was happy. If Tohno-kun didn't hate me, I was happy. If Tohno-kun was alive, I could continue to live too.

I was crying again, but it wasn't because I was sad. For the first time since the entire ordeal had begun, I was happy.

---

This was pre-read by Hawker_748, Chibi Fenrir and Arkhe. It's all thanks to wonderful people like them that this actually turned out somewhat decent.
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Kokatsu Teien