Love Me One Last Time

Title: Love Me One Last Time
Fandom: Rules (Manga)
Pairing: Hikaru/Hitomi
Rating: NC-17

Summary: A wedding draws out uncertainties about the past and the future for Hikaru and Hitomi.

Author’s Note: This is my take on the events early on in Volume 2.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this, they belong to the creator of ‘Rules’, nor am I making any profits from it.


-oOo-

Part 1


“Phew!” Hikaru exclaimed, tossing his jacket onto the edge of the bed.

He had already undone his tie in the elevator coming up so it hung around his neck, the first three buttons of his shirt open. He immediately pulled at his shirt, tugging it out of the waist of his trousers so it hung loose also.

“Ah, that’s better.” He stretched his arms up in a shoulder popping movement, tipping his head back with a smile as he felt himself relax. Dropping his arms, he drew out his cigarettes and lighter from his pocket, immediately placing one between his lips. “I’m not used to these monkey suits like you two,” he said, throwing a grin at the other occupant of the room.

Hitomi shrugged out of his jacket, draping it neatly over the back of one of the chairs beside the large window. “Hmm,” he murmured, reaching up to undo and remove his tie carefully, laying it over the jacket before loosening his collar button.

Hikaru glanced over, picking up an unusual underlying tone in Hitomi’s simple answer.

“What’s up?” he asked, leaning back against the dresser and watching his friend. “You’ve been pretty quiet all night.”

“Nothing,” Hitomi said, making his way to the edge of the bed. He sat down, shoulders hunched a little, hands hanging between his knees.

Hikaru let the silence remain unbroken as he just watched Hitomi then exhaled slowly, letting the smoke from his lungs drift out. “Didn’t you enjoy yourself tonight?”

“It’s not that,” Hitomi replied, not looking up. “It’s just been a long day.”

“That’s for sure,” Hikaru replied, drawing on his cigarette again. “But it’s been pretty good.” He grinned broadly. “It’s not every day you get all the free food and drink laid on for you!” He chuckled, thinking about it. “Ryuu looked good though, don’t you think? That guy manages to scrub up okay after all!”

“Can I ask you something?” Hitomi suddenly said.

“Sure. What is it?”

“Did you…like Ryuu? In that way?”

“What?!” Hikaru sucked in a breath in surprise then began to cough as the smoke he’d just inhaled caught in his lungs. “What the hell are you saying?” he finally managed to choke out.

Hitomi looked back at him seriously. “Well, that kid at your place,” Hitomi explained. “The one you said you’re seeing now. He looked an awful lot like Ryuu so I wondered if you might have always liked him back then. I mean, I wondered if that’s why you sort of went for someone who looked like him.”

Hikaru ran one hand through his hair, pushing it back from his face. “Look, I know he does look a bit like Ryuu but that doesn’t mean anything. It’s just a coincidence. And believe me, they have completely different personalities!”

“Oh. Well, I just wondered.” Hitomi said, looking away.

“What’s up with you?” Hikaru questioned, frowning a little as he exhaled again. “Asking me that sort of shit about me and Ryuu. You’re talking crazy, you know.”

“Yeah. I guess I am. Sorry.”

The silence stretched a little longer whilst Hikaru watched his friend closely. Hitomi’s face was thoughtful, even a little sad.

“Are you bothered because he’s married now?” he finally asked quietly.

He saw Hitomi start a little but he didn’t lift his head, keeping his face hidden from Hikaru’s gaze.

“I… guess,” was his answer. “I mean,” Hitomi continued, “we won’t be able to ...hang out like we used to.” Hikaru saw Hitomi’s clasped hands tighten their grip. “I guess I’ve just realised that things are going to be…different now.”

“Yeah. Probably.” Hikaru agreed, watching his friend.

Hitomi still never looked up as he continued to speak. “I’m glad for him. I’m sure it’s the right thing for him to do. So I am happy for him.” The words sounded forced even to Hikaru.

Hikaru sighed softly to himself then stepped forward and sat on the bed next to Hitomi. He didn’t try to break into Hitomi’s thoughts straight away, just sat there a moment longer smoking.

“You knew…I liked him,” Hitomi finally said in a low voice. “Didn’t you?”

Hikaru exhaled. “Yeah.”

Hitomi’s head shot up as he stared wide-eyed at Hikaru. “Then why didn’t you say something?! You should have told me to go to hell, or get lost, or…”

Hikaru reached out and touched Hitomi’s cheek, fingertips barely brushing against the skin yet effectively halting Hitomi’s words.

“Because I loved you,” he said softly, staring directly into Hitomi’s eyes. “Even though I knew your heart really belonged to someone else I hoped you cared for me just a little.” He dropped his hand with a small smile and turned away, placing his cigarette between his lips again. “Even if it was only the tiniest bit of feeling you had for me I was happy to have that much.”

Hitomi’s eyes clouded and he dropped his gaze, hiding his face once again, shoulders hunched. “I’m so sorry,” he said brokenly. “I did such a terrible thing to you. It’s all my fault you…”

Hikaru reached out without looking and smacked the back of Hitomi’s head.

“Ow!” Hitomi exclaimed, staring up at Hikaru, both hands cradling his smarting scalp, eyes tearing up at the force of the slap. “What was that for?!”

“For being a patronising jerk. Jerk,” Hikaru replied calmly.

“I wasn’t!” Hitomi declared, glaring at him. “I was trying to apologise for hurting you!”

“Look,” Hikaru said in a steely voice, pointing his cigarette directly at Hitomi and fixing him with a steady gaze. “Do I look like some weakling, over-sensitive emo kid to you, huh?”

“No, of course not! I…”

Hikaru interrupted. “So what makes you think you have that much power over me and that something like that would make me fall to pieces? I’m still here aren’t I? Dumbass!”

Hikaru stood and walked over towards the window to glance out into the night. He drew on his cigarette deeply before exhaling, watching the drift of smoke in the glass. Telling Hitomi that that was exactly how he had felt back then would be pointless. Telling him how much it had hurt, how it had felt like his heart had been ripped out and crushed, and that he had cried himself to sleep so many nights would change nothing. Telling Hitomi that he had lashed back at his own weakness and taken his anger and pain out on himself by sleeping with anyone, male or female for a time there, even delving into the slightly more dangerous aspects of sex play without any care for himself would be meaningless. Saying any of that would accomplish nothing now so he kept silent.

“You’re right,” Hitomi agreed, rubbing a hand over his eyes with a small laugh. “I guess it was being pretty conceited of me thinking that.” He dropped his head again. “I’m still sorry though. I treated you so badly back then. I should have been more honest with you - and myself, but I was just too much of a coward.”

Hikaru turned and looked at his friend before giving a small shake of his head and walking back towards Hitomi. He reached out and lightly ruffled Hitomi’s hair. “Fine then,” he said, trying to keep his tone light. “Apology accepted. Now shut up about it, okay?”

He turned and walked over to the dresser, trying to forget the feel of Hitomi’s soft hair against the palm of his hand. He stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray resting there.

“So do you want to have a shower first?” he asked, glancing into the mirror before him, the rest of the room reflected in the glass. He could see Hitomi where he still sat on the bed though now his pose had changed. He had drawn one leg up, resting his bare foot on the edge of the bed, arms clasped around his raised leg, cheek resting on his knee. His face was thoughtful and his eyes still looked sad.

Hikaru felt the sharp stab in his chest at seeing this. How many times had he seen Hitomi in that pose during their high school and college years? Hitomi’s face may be more mature now and his hair shorter, but seeing him like that made it seem like the years just dropped away. He could remember how he used to try to bring a smile to Hitomi’s face in times like this, how he would try to make Hitomi forget what ever was troubling him, to do anything to try and make him feel better and make that beloved face bright again.

Hikaru squeezed his eyes shut tightly, hands clenching into fists where they rested on the dresser top, trying to calm his churning feelings. Even after all this time Hitomi still affected him like this. He had thought he was well and truly over it by now but it didn’t seem that way after all.

“Well,” he said with false brightness. “I’m going first since you’re not.”

Hikaru immediately headed into the bathroom, closing the door firmly behind him. Leaning back against it he took a deep breath trying to calm his racing heart. His whole body trembled now, quivering with almost forgotten emotions that were once more bubbling to the surface. He took another deep breath, consciously forcing the shaking to stop. Enough, he scolded himself, giving a last mental shake.

He shed his clothes hurriedly although he took the time to carefully fold and set them aside. He would have to return them to Ryuu who had kindly loaned them since he didn’t have a suit of his own and it was expected to wear one at such occasions as this. Ryuu had informed him that jeans were not acceptable – on pain of castration.

Hikaru stepped under the flowing water, letting the warmth run over him, touching every part of his body, hands coming up to rest on the tiles before him. Geez, how pathetic could he be? After all these years the sight of Hitomi still made him want to reach out and touch him. Who would have thought he still harboured such feelings deep inside. Ah well, after tomorrow they would go their separate ways again and he could forget the turmoil of tonight. It was probably just due to both of them being tired, having too much to drink, and going through a trip down memory lane since it had been some time since all three of them had been together. Weren’t weddings supposed to be emotional times anyway? Wasn’t that what everyone said? Yeah, that’s all this was. Come tomorrow it would all be forgotten.

Although he, Hitomi and Ryuu had continued to remain in touch over these intervening years there had naturally been a gradual widening of the distance between them. Ryuu had moved back to Osaka and his work was quite demanding which had limited the amount of times they saw him. Now he had a wife and no doubt kids soon to take up more of his time.

So that had left him and Hitomi only again. Although he had continued to see Hitomi after they had broken up six years ago, despite their changing lives, he had distanced himself immediately after the dissolution of their relationship. He had needed to give himself some time to come to terms with it and it would have been too painful to have still been seeing Hitomi almost every week. Hitomi hadn’t tried to make any contact with him during that time either so Hikaru guessed he had understood and their need to concentrate on studies was a good excuse.

When he had finally got over his period of self-destructiveness and self-pity he had texted Hitomi. That had been their new beginning, returning to just being friends. It hadn’t been easy so they had taken it slowly. They didn’t even see each other for almost the first four months, communicating only through text messages. It had been a simpler way to ease back into a friendship. From there they began to actually speak on the phone until one night they agreed to meet for a drink.

Hikaru soaped down his body thinking back on that first meeting. He had been so nervous; not nervous in the sense of meeting a date but that gut churning worry that things would go badly when they met. By that time it had been nearly a year since he had last seen Hitomi. Now he worried that he may have changed since then and Hitomi would no longer think they could be friends. It wasn’t like they had had a great deal in common in the first place so what would they talk about now? He had finished two drinks in quick succession due to those worries as he had waited, tugging nervously at his collar, almost sweating as he wondered if Hitomi would even come.

As the time had ticked past the agreed meeting time he had decided that enough was enough. He had got up, intending to leave, believing that Hitomi had stood him up and that it really was all over for them, be it as lovers or friends and feeling like he was going to cry when there had been a loud thump behind him and two arms were thrown around his neck as a body struck him hard enough to make him stumble forward against the bar. He had turned, surprise on his face as he was released, to see a man bowing before him.

“I’m so sorry I’m late!” the man said. The head lifted and Hikaru gazed down on Hitomi’s familiar face. Hitomi clapped both hands before him in a gesture of pleading. “Forgive me, I couldn’t get away from work on time. I’m really sorry!”

Hikaru felt his lips twitch and then he laughed outright, one hand brushing his hair back as he met Hitomi’s eyes. Hitomi grinned as Hikaru waved towards the empty seat at his side. “Do you always make such a grand entrance?” he asked, still chuckling.

Hitomi leant down to place his bag closer to his seat from where he had dropped it before sitting. “I didn’t really think about that,” he replied, his cheeks flushed slightly and looking embarrassed as he only now realised that every eye in the bar had been drawn to him.

Hikaru laughed again. “I suppose I should be honoured then that I get such special treatment!” He raised a cigarette, lighting it, then motioned to the bartender for attention.

“Ah, man, don’t start giving me a hard time already!” Hitomi moaned, placing his drinks order. “Work’s been a killer this week so I don’t need you to get on my case as well!”

“Okay, okay,” Hikaru made a soothing motion with his hand, lifting his glass and grinning at his friend. It felt really good to have Hitomi back at his side. It had been something he had been missing for a long time, not even realising that this was what had been lacking in his life. He felt his tension fade away and the warmth of happiness again begin to fill his soul. That was it. It didn’t matter if Hitomi and he weren’t lovers anymore. What was more important to him was to know that Hitomi would always be with him, even if it was just as a friend. That was something that he realised now that he didn’t want to give up – ever.

Hikaru tilted his glass and smiled warmly at Hitomi. “Here’s to old acquaintances,” he said.

Hitomi raised his drink also and the clink of glass could be heard as they met. He smiled back at Hikaru just as warmly. “To old friends. May they last forever.”

“Now that I can drink to!” Hikaru said with a firm nod of agreement. They both downed their drinks in one go, glasses slamming back onto the counter before them as they both choked on the sudden intake of alcohol before bursting out with laughter, heads bent close together.

So that is how their new beginning had started. They had talked the entire night away speaking about everything; the past, the time they had spent apart, even about their future plans and dreams. Their time apart had seemed to have never happened as the hours slipped away. They had finally staggered out of the bar as dawn’s light touched the sky, arms thrown around each other’s shoulders, still laughing, weaving their way down the street to the station. They had parted ways there, Hitomi going in the opposite direction to Hikaru, but parted with promises to catch up again soon. The hug they had given each other was comfortable and unconstrained, no sense of hesitation or uncertainty or worry about what others might think. Hikaru had sighed contentedly as he felt the firmness of Hitomi’s arms around his back, the warmth of his body within his own clasp. He smiled softly into Hitomi’s neck. Yes, this is what he remembered, and he never wanted to lose this again.

Their friendship had continued from there. They often talked on the phone, even caught up fairly regularly for a drink and occasionally to see a movie or to see a band. He had never tried to so much as make a move on Hitomi again, maintaining that space that wouldn’t intrude on personal intimacy and Hitomi had never given any indication that he wanted otherwise. So Hikaru kept his distance. Things had settled into a nice, easy, comfortable co-existence for them and Hikaru thought he had been fine with that. It had seemed that having that time apart initially had allowed his feelings to dissipate, the pain dulling into a barely discerned ache that was buried so deeply he no longer even felt it.

Hikaru watched the soap suds sluice from his body, swirling at his feet before disappearing down the drain. He had thought he was truly over Hitomi for in all that time he hadn’t felt any of these overwhelming urges. He hadn’t been expecting this day to have stirred up so many buried feelings in him once more, feelings he had tried hard to forget and hoped that he had.

He lathered his hair with the shampoo supplied using far more than he normally would. He didn’t really need to wash his hair for he had done it that morning so as to put on his best appearance for Ryuu’s wedding but he needed something to occupy his hands and mind. He scrubbed at his scalp as though to erase the thoughts spinning around in his head, trying to banish the image of Hitomi’s face.

He had thought he had come to terms with the way things were. He hadn’t been unhappy with his life, it had just been that he felt that perhaps something had been missing. A something that he could recall feeling when he had first fallen for Hitomi. It had always been nothing more than a passing thought, a flash of insight which he would steadfastly ignore, not wanting to face such emotions. He had tried to believe that it didn’t really matter anymore. He was older and wiser supposedly and that kind of feeling came when you were young and foolish and believed love was everything. He knew only too well now that love tended to be nothing more than a passing fancy.

Hikaru reached out and rested one hand on the tiled wall, feeling the coolness on his palm in contrast to the warm water beating against him. When he had begun seeing Yuki he had wondered what the boy had really felt for him, why he had asked to come home with him that first night. Of course, it hadn’t taken him long to find out; Yuki wasn’t very good at lying. He had guessed it already really. At least he had known immediately that it wasn’t because of him that the boy had asked to stay the night, he wasn’t that naïve. Still – it had hurt in a strange way when he heard the truth. He had been nothing more than a substitute, a substitute for Yuki’s unrequited feelings for his best friend, as well as a desperate need to resolve his confusion over his own sexuality.

Hikaru chuckled humourlessly. It was the story of his life - to be a substitute for everyone else’s desires. First Hitomi, then Toruu, and now Yuki. He scrubbed harder at his hair, hard enough to actually hurt as the strands began to tangle. When was it going to ever be only for him?

He let his hands fall to his sides. Forget it, he chided himself, trying to shake himself out of the spiral of self-pity before it turned to depression and despair. He turned around, ready to rinse off then froze on the spot. There in the open doorway, shrouded in steam that drifted teasingly over his naked form before hiding those tantalising glimpses of flesh, stood Hitomi.

Hikaru felt a jolt of desire go straight to his groin at this long remembered yet unexpected visage.

“Can I join you?” Hitomi asked in a soft voice, eyes locking with Hikaru’s.

Hikaru swallowed against the dryness of his throat then turned quickly so he once more faced the tiled wall.

“I don’t think that would be a good idea,” he managed to rasp out. He didn’t want Hitomi to see his growing erection yet he couldn’t stop it from happening either. He couldn’t find his centre, that hard earnt self control that he had learnt over the years that kept his heart and emotions carefully contained.

Hikaru tilted his head up so the water struck his face, the spray flushing the lather from his hair down his back and shoulders, effectively making it impossible for him to speak for which he was grateful. The water stung his face a little but he was glad of this touch of discomfort to take his mind from the roiling emotions filling his heart. Go away, he whispered desperately in his mind. Go away, Hitomi, and leave me in peace with my memories of the past.

A touch to his shoulder made him start, a small yelp embarrassingly escaping his lips. He swung his head round to see Hitomi standing close, facing him, back to the wall. He was standing so close their bodies were almost touching, one hand resting on Hikaru’s shoulder.

“I know I’m being selfish again,” Hitomi said in a low voice, eyes dropping. “I know I don’t even have the right any more to even ask you after everything I’ve done. But,” Hikaru felt his fingers tighten their grip on his shoulder as Hitomi looked up, eyes clear and steady, pleading, “would you hold me tonight? Please?”

Hikaru steeled his heart against that look, turning his head away again. “Don’t you think your girlfriend would be pretty pissed off with you?”

He heard Hitomi’s sudden indrawn breath and knew he had struck a nerve. It was probably a little harsh of him but he had to try and make Hitomi see sense. He was just getting caught up in the moment – that was all this was.

“She….” Hitomi answered in a small voice, “probably would be. But,” he paused, the silence stretching so long that Hikaru thought he wouldn’t even continue. “this isn’t about her.” He felt Hitomi’s hand slide from his shoulder to rest flat on his chest, just above his nipple, making him shiver in response. “I...I don't want to be alone tonight. I want to be….with you.”

Hikaru turned his head and looked back at Hitomi, seeing the water dripping down his face, running down his cheeks. Was it only water or were there tears mixed with it?

The look in Hitomi’s eyes was too much for Hikaru; there was sadness, loneliness, and regret. There was the plea for comfort, for the need to believe that things would get better and that pain was not all there was to look forward to for the future. There was the need to seek the touch of someone you trust and love, and to be able to hold that warmth once more, if only for a moment of time.

Hikaru felt his heart clench painfully as he let his eyes fall shut for a moment, sighing silently. He was such a fool. If he did this, if he gave into Hitomi’s request he knew he was the only one who would end up hurt but what could he do? He couldn’t just ignore the lost look and pain in Hitomi’s eyes. He knew only too well what it felt like to lose a loved one. Hitomi had just had to watch the person he truly loved get married to another, knowing that he was losing him a little more every day and being able to do nothing except watch it happen. Worse was knowing that he was losing his loved one without ever having been able to truly share that love with the other - that must be terribly hard. Perhaps he should be grateful that he had been able to spend the time he had with Hitomi; with the person he had loved.

Hikaru slowly reached out, half reluctantly, half eagerly, and encircled Hitomi’s waist with his left arm, drawing the other man closer, bringing him to stand directly in front so they were chest to chest, warm water streaming over them both. Hikaru dropped his head into the crook of Hitomi’s neck, feeling Hitomi’s forehead resting on his shoulder. They remained standing like that for a long time, unmoving, just holding each other.

Hikaru then took a deep breath, memories rushing back as his mind and body reacted to the touch and feel of Hitomi’s body. He lifted his head, drawing back a little, hands resting on Hitomi’s shoulders as he looked at the other’s face. His eyes traced down the scar over Hitomi’s left eye. It had faded a little with age but would never disappear completely. Perhaps that was the nature of all scars, whether they were emotional or physical. They forever remained a part of you.

He noticed that there wasn’t much difference in their heights now although he still stood a little taller. He hadn’t noticed that before; it made looking into Hitomi’s face difficult for his lips seemed so close. Hitomi’s hands rested on his upper arms, holding him lightly yet their touch seemed to bind him in place, searing his flesh.

Slowly one of Hitomi’s hands moved, sliding up his arm, over his rounded shoulder, up the side of his neck to tangle in the wet strands of his hair. The path it took seemed to burn at its passing, making him almost moan with a kind of pain, all the while Hitomi kept his gaze locked with Hikaru’s.

Ah, to hell with it, Hikaru thought, lowering his head slowly, finally giving in to the inevitable. He might regret this tomorrow, most definitely he would, but that would be tomorrow. Tonight he would try to remember and recapture the joy he had once felt at being in the arms of his beloved.

His lips met Hitomi’s ready upraised ones and he thought he would loose consciousness at the jolt that shook his body like a bolt of electricity flooding through his veins. Perhaps he had been under this hot shower too long and the heat was making him pass out. Yes, that must be it; but Hitomi’s lips seemed far hotter than the water - scorchingly so.

Hikaru now fully gave in to his long denied desires. With a moan he crushed Hitomi against him, pressing their bodies tightly together so he could feel hip bones pressing into him. That wasn’t all that was pressing against him. He could feel Hitomi’s cock, hard and rigid sandwiched between them, pressing into his abdomen, nestled against his own erection, even as a second arm encircled his neck. He could hardly believe how quickly they had both become so erect.

Hitomi responded to this sudden response by deepening the kiss, forcing Hikaru’s lips and teeth apart so his tongue could delve forward to explore these warm depths. Hikaru was a little surprised. He had thought that Hitomi would need more time to grow accustomed to being with him again. He was certain that his friend had never been with another man after they had broken up so he had thought that for all Hitomi’s insistence that he would still need time to adjust to the situation. He had thought this would be no more than a simple hand job, jerking each other off quickly under the shower before heading for bed to pretend that nothing had really happened. He hadn’t expected Hitomi to respond to him with an equal passion to what raged within his chest.

So to have Hitomi respond so quickly and easily only fanned the flames of desire. However he held himself back, letting Hitomi take the lead, passively allowing the other to seek out his tongue and coax it forward, inviting Hikaru to return the favour. Hitomi’s tongue flicked lightly over his teeth, trailing ticklishly across his top lip before nipping at the bottom then withdrawing rapidly, only to return and repeat the gesture.

Hitomi broke the kiss, his lips now brushing over Hikaru’s throat, suckling directly over the pulse point. He knew Hitomi would be able to feel his racing pulse, the way his blood pounded through his veins. As he sucked in his breath, Hitomi continued to pepper kisses up and down his throat.

Those tantalising touches enflamed him so much that Hikaru now took control back, plundering Hitomi’s mouth in an attempt to draw every ounce of passion out. He felt Hitomi’s right hand run from the back of his neck, down his throat to rest for a moment on his upper chest, fingers pressing into his flesh. Hitomi pushed against him, pulling back for a heartbeat before Hikaru possessively pulled him in tightly once more, loath to lose contact for even that short a time.

However that brief moment had allowed Hitomi’s hand to slip under Hikaru’s arm so he could now encircle his waist, hand pressing into Hikaru’s back. They held each other like this for a long moment, time becoming meaningless. There was no sound except the sound of the splash of running water, no movement. Just the feel of flesh against flesh, breath mingling with breath, body heat blending with body heat. There was nothing except the feel of each other and the passion burning fiercely between them.

Hitomi’s hand that had been slowly kneading Hikaru’s lower back now shifted, slowly sliding towards the front, bumping over Hikaru’s hip to slip between their bodies. Hikaru’s surprised gasp was swallowed by Hitomi as he wrapped his grip around both their erections, firm grip clasping their rigid cocks. As he began to slowly move his hand, stroking, Hikaru couldn’t prevent the way his hips jerked, thrusting himself into that hold.

Hitomi continued to pleasure them both as Hikaru moaned at the contact, finally breaking the kiss they had held to let his head drop to Hitomi’s shoulder. He had forgotten how good Hitomi’s touch could be as his body automatically responded to the recalled memory of long ago. It shouldn’t be surprising at how good Hitomi was at this. They had learnt this together many years ago, and had once had more than enough time to practice and perfect it. Hikaru could hear Hitomi’s ragged breathing in his ear as he wrapped his arms tighter around the other, allowing himself to become lost in the quickening touch. It felt so good – too good.

“Hitomi,” Hikaru murmured into Hitomi’s neck, lips brushing over moist flesh. “Hitomi,” he repeated, then again like a mantra as his hands slid over slick flesh, seeking to touch every portion of the body held against his. He didn’t want to lose this contact, his body, mind and soul aching to keep hold of it as long as possible.

His hands traced the outline of muscles, the roundness of bicep, the tautness of abdomen, the hard firm thighs. He could feel the pounding of Hitomi’s heartbeat where their chests pressed together, or perhaps it was only the sound of his own,

He was breathing quickly himself, knowing that embarrassingly he wouldn’t last much longer. The combination of pent up desire, forgotten memories, and impending lust made his body crave the climax all the more quickly as though fearing that if it didn’t get there quickly he would lose it all. He let one hand slide lower, slipping over the slick wet skin of Hitomi’s back, tracing down the vertebrae, feeling the bump of every bone, slipping into the dip of Hitomi’s lower back before moving lower to cup the firm roundness of his buttocks. Hikaru kneaded that taut flesh, feeling the muscles bunching and releasing under his touch, his grip pausing at times as the pleasure on his cock intensified with Hitomi’s rapid movements.

Hitomi showed no sign of discomfort at his actions so Hikaru grew bolder, letting his fingers continue on their urgent quest. Moving to the centre of Hitomi’s back, Hikaru slid his long fingers down the crack between Hitomi’s buttock cheeks, pressing lower. His hand moved easily, the water with mixed shampoo suds making the passage slick. He forged on, felt the slight indentation in the flesh and knew he had reached his goal.

He hesitated a moment, uncertain if he should go any further. Perhaps Hitomi really didn’t want anything more. Perhaps he was just trying to appease his own lustful cravings and this would do nothing but completely destroy their friendship. He could bear anything but that.

Hikaru began to draw his hand away when Hitomi tightened his grip on their clasped cocks and quickened the pace of his stroking further. Hitomi’s soft moan and panted breath in Hikaru’s ear excited him to the point of almost being unbearable, blood pounding in his temples. He felt his cock harden further in response as his hips jerked forward, thrusting into that grip as he moaned in unison. He clutched at Hitomi, his hand sliding back to its previous position, pressing Hitomi closer.

He felt Hitomi’s hips push forward then, jerking against him and then thrusting back with a deep moan. Hikaru clenched his teeth and even as the moan fell from Hitomi’s lips he pushed his index finger against that barrier of flesh, feeling the slight resistance before it plunged into a channel of warmth.

He felt Hitomi jerk against him, rising onto the balls of his feet with a sharp cry of surprise as though trying to escape from the intrusion. However in doing so this pushed his cock harder against Hikaru’s body, creating further friction which sent a shudder through his body which Hikaru could feel also which brought forth a groan of what could only be pleasure from Hitomi.

Hikaru began to pump his finger slowly and deeply within Hitomi, turning his hand as he sought that one spot. He peppered kisses across Hitomi’s neck, not caring about the water that he inevitably swallowed also or the slight astringent aftertaste of the shampoo. He felt Hitomi’s free hand clenching and releasing on his shoulder, trying to pull him closer, all the while the hand holding their erect cocks never ceased its motion.

Hikaru twisted his hand again, slipping a second finger within, and this time was rewarded with Hitomi’s entire body jerking against him, every muscle going rigid for a moment as he cried out, head dropping back, a look of ecstasy on his face. Hikaru tensed the muscles in his other arm around Hitomi’s waist, holding him tightly. The last thing he wanted to happen was for Hitomi to fall and be hurt. He searched out that spot again and once more was rewarded with Hitomi’s immediate response.

Hikaru’s own senses were beginning to reel as the pleasure intensified in his groin. Every time Hitomi responded to the touch to his prostate, his grip tightened on Hikaru’s cock. Even though it disrupted the rhythm, the sudden squeeze and release before resuming the uneven stroking only continued to bring Hikaru ever closer to climax.

Hikaru reached up and gripped the back of Hitomi’s neck, pulling his head forward again. As they pleasured each other they kissed; faces, throats, and chests. Hikaru jerked as Hitomi nipped at his flesh, that spot just above his nipple, the soft underside of his jaw. He felt Hitomi moan deeply and his body quiver violently as he sucked on Hitomi’s ear lobe, blowing lightly.

Their breathing was loud now, not even the running water able to hide the sounds of their moans and soft cries. Hikaru felt Hitomi’s grip on their cocks falter for a moment and read the familiar signs. He felt Hitomi’s whole body stiffen for an instant, the fingers of his other hand digging into Hikaru’s shoulder. Then Hikaru felt the spasming of Hitomi’s channel around his fingers as he felt Hitomi’s cock pulse where it touched his stomach and the flood of heat far hotter than the water that cascaded over them.

“Hi..ka..ru!” He heard Hitomi cry out loudly, entire body thrusting against him, fingers digging deeply into firm flesh.

Hitomi’s grip on Hikaru’s cock tightened and it was enough to push him to completion also. He grunted as he came, holding back the cry that he wanted to release. Instead he held onto Hitomi tightly, fearing that he would collapse as his release spurted from his cock, smearing and trapped between them. His body continued to shake from head to toe as he came again and again, draining him completely and still it seemed it demanded more of him.

He gasped one last time, struggling to stand on knees that had turned to rubber as he slowly withdrew his fingers from Hitomi’s body. He felt Hitomi also lean back, shaking, the hand that had been trapped between their bodies sliding away. The water streamed between their separated bodies, immediately washing away the glistening residue smeared over them both.

Hitomi took a couple of steps backwards, one hand still gripping Hikaru’s shoulder as though reluctant to lose contact with him just yet thus forcing Hikaru to follow which he gladly did. Hitomi came up hard against the tiled wall just behind, halting his backward progress, head leaning back, eyes closed.

Hikaru brought his arms up to rest forearms on the tiles on either side of Hitomi’s head, the coolness welcomed by his overheated body. He dropped his head so his forehead rested against Hitomi’s upraised one, eyes also closed, savouring this moment.

“Hikaru.”

The breathy whisper made Hikaru open his eyes, drawing back a little so he could see Hitomi better. He met his friend’s open gaze, feeling like he was falling into those deep eyes. How he had loved this man. He would have done anything to have been able to keep him by his side except Hitomi’s happiness meant more to him than his own. If the price of seeing Hitomi smile again was to be his pain then he would willingly pay it. He wanted to know that Hitomi would once again be able to smile and be happy.

“Hikaru,” was all Hitomi said, closing his eyes again, a small smile on his lips, a smile that Hikaru knew meant ‘thank you’.

Hikaru said nothing. What could he say? There were no words for this moment so all he did was place a light kiss to Hitomi’s lips and then let their heads rest against each other, brow to brow as their rapid heartbeats and breathing slowed to normal.

The water continued to cascade over their joined bodies, washing away all they had done as though it had never happened. Only the feelings held within were left to confirm what they had shared.