These Ruby Feathered Boots Were Made For Stompin�

These Ruby Feathered Boots Were Made For Stompin’

Flora Winters

Disclaimer: I do not own Tsubasa and I’m not making any money here either.

Summary: Kurogane wakes up somewhere over the rainbow and that is when the insanity really begins to come into play. This story will contain boy love, language, and hilarious violence.

Prologue

Kurogane’s crimson red eyes were wide and filled with tears from all the dust being blown into them as he watched the three twisters slowly combine into one giant monster of a tornado right before his blurry eyes. Why was this crazy shit always happening to him? Where the hell was everybody else?

“HEY!” He yelled over the loud roar of the wind. “WHERE ARE YOU GUYS!” What if they were hurt? What if they had gotten trapped somewhere? Oh, where the hell were they? He didn’t like this.

The wind was whipping through his short spiky black hair and he quickly turned around and ran back to get into the large vehicle to try and find the communicator that damn wizard had told him to hang on to. The people of this world called it a cell phone. They had all needed a little restroom break and now he couldn’t find them anywhere. Why is it that whenever he was left all by himself, crazy shit had to happen? It was just like when his father had gone off to fight some rampaging fiend and his mother had gone off to pray. Did these stupid ass people not know how to predict the weather in this stupid world? Where the hell were they? That giant tornado sure looked angry. Not even he had the power to take on a monster like that.

“HEY, MORONS!” He yelled into the communicator, pressing down on the little green crystal looking button that said send. Why hadn’t he paid closer attention on how to use the damn thing? “WHERE ARE YOU? ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?” There was nothing but static and the angry roar of the tornado from across the flat field. Large balls of ice were hitting the vehicle and he looked to see that they were cracking the glass. That was not good. That stuff could pummel a human being. Where the hell were they?

“I’m so very sorry,” the voice of a young woman said loud and clear over the speaker. “But you have no service at this time due to bad weather. Please try back later at a more convenient time.”

“FUCK YOU, LADY!” He yelled right into it. “THERE IS NOT GOING TO BE A MORE CONVENIENT TIME IF THAT DAMN THING EATS ME AND MY FRIENDS!”

Friends? Where the hell had that come from?

He cried out in surprise when a large bolt of acid green lightning struck the ground not ten feet away from where he was sitting in what the people of this world called a truck. He was momentarily blinded by the bright shock of it and deafened by the loud bang it had made. What was he going to do? He had no training for this kind of thing. This wasn’t magic. This was a natural phenomenon that had never happened in his world.

He quickly rolled down his window, yelling at the top of his lungs. “WIZARD! SAYAORAN ! PRINCESS SAKURA! WHITE THING!” He spun around when something hard hit the glass behind him. The sky was so black he couldn’t see out, and there was no way they could hear him over that noise.

It was too bad he was knocked out when something hard came crashing through the glass from behind, hitting him in the back of the head. It seemed like he was almost falling forward in slow motion, landing right on his face against the truck horn.

He slowly opened his eyes and moaned a little from the pain he felt stinging him right between his crimson eyes. What in the hell had happened? Why was it so damn dark? Where the hell was everybody? What was that loud beeping sound? He lifted his head up off the steering wheel and the horn died. That was when he suddenly heard the loud roaring of wind all around him.

He ever so slowly peeked out the busted window. His eyes widened when he realized that the hell was happening. He was up inside, being twirled around by the tornado. His breath caught in his throat and he quickly locked the door for some odd sense of security. It seemed absolutely ridiculous . As if some little lock would be able to keep that thing out. He closed his eyes and began to count back from ten. This was all just a bad dream and he was going to wake up at any minute with that damn wizard tickling his nose with a feather, or that damn white thing pouncing on his stomach, jumping up and down like an idiot.

He opened his eyes and his jaw hit his lap when he saw Sayaoran go flying by the windshield on what the people of this farming world called a tractor. The young man waved to him as if there was nothing wrong in the world. He honked the horn at him but the boy continued waving as he flew on by. What the hell? He pinched his arm and yelped because it had hurt like a bitch. This was no dream.

He heard a loud whistle blowing from behind him and he looked in the rearview mirror, gasping. It was that damn princess. She was standing in the bed of the truck with what looked to be a traffic whistle in her mouth. She was dressed up in what looked to be a law enforcement uniform he has seen people wear on other worlds. He spun his head around and she looked to be directing…flying Mokona’s? Why were there pictures of that damn witch on all of their tummies? Princess Tomoyo simply waved at him with a bright smile on her hauntingly beautiful face before being beamed up into one of the flying Mokona’s mouths. The damn thing had a license plate on its rear, and there was picture of Yuko smiling. She was giving that damn peace sign.

His mouth fell open when he saw Princess Sakura go flying by on a bicycle. Her hair was not even being blown out of place either. What in the hell was going on? He had pinched himself, damn it! Why wasn’t he waking the fuck up? None of this could possible be real…right? She waved at him with a bright smile and flew on by.

He heard what he thought as an engine roaring and simply assumed it was the twister blowing him to only gods knew where. Then he heard a vehicle honk and turned his head to look back out his side window to see that it was none other than that damn wizard. He was in a solid black car. It was sleek, stylish, and shiny as hell. He could see those aqua blue eyes burning into him from within those dark tinted windows.

That dark window suddenly began to roll down and Kurogane could hear his hysterical laughter with loud music blasting.

He’s my best friend, best of all best friends
Do you have a best friend too?
It tickles in my tummy, he’s so yummy-yummy
Hey, you should get a best friend too!

“Do you honestly think you will win, my pretty?” The blond asked coldly and then that wicked laughter rang out of his smooth pale throat once more and he zoomed away in a loud blast of thunder, leaving only a trail of blue lightning in his wake. What the fuck had he meant by pretty? He wasn’t pretty. He was handsome, damn it!

The wild wind whipped through his short hair as something hit the hood of the truck. His head snapped away from the window to see that it was some kind of ball. It was all white and pink. It sort of looked like Mokona. That was when a gorgeous young man came floating down, landing right on the hood with simple grace.

“Hi, Kuro-puu,” the young man smiled with straight white teeth. He had flawless white skin, long pink hair, and pointy ears. He kicked the round ball off into the growling funnel. “Nice weather we’re having today, huh?”

He wanted to crawl out the window and smack that strange guy cross-eyed for calling him that. What the hell was he talking about? This wasn’t nice weather. He was being carried off by some fucking funnel! The pink haired guy jumped off the hood of the truck and Kurogane suddenly yelled when he felt himself falling as well.

The truck was spinning around in wild circles and that as when he really yelled because lightning was flashing all around him and things were bumping into the truck. He threw himself to the floorboard, covering his head with his arms, letting out a whoosh of air from his lungs when the truck hit the ground with a bounce.

It took him several minutes before he carefully lifted his head, looking up. They sky was all blue and the sun was shining through the windows. He could even hear the sounds of songbirds chirping happily. He put a large hand on the seat, lifting himself up so he could see where the hell he was. That was when the door fell off its hinges and he tumbled out onto the grass with a yelp.

He just laid there in the cool grass trying to catch his breath when he suddenly felt something soft and furry bouncing on his tummy. He lifted his head, looking to see that it was one of the very banes of his existence.

“YOU!” He yelled, snatching Mokona by his long ears. “WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN? WHERE THE HELL ARE THE OTHERS?”

“Let me go!” The fuzzy pretty shouted in anger. Its voice was different. “You’re hurting me, you big bully!”

Kurogane dropped Mokona. What the hell? Mokona had never spoken to him like that before. The marshmallow puff usually enjoyed his picking on him.

“Apparently I have to help your rude ass out,” the adorable fuzzy said, looking up at him. “That way I get to be a real boy again.”

“Holy shit,” Kurogane said, scooting closer to him. “You’re not Mokona…”

“Duh,” the little critter chirped, wagging his ears. “I also see you’ve managed to find the ruby feathered boots as well. You’re not as simple as you look.”

“Why you,” Kurogane snarled, getting ready to grab him by the ears. “I’ll rip off your nose, throw it in the bushes, and then you’ll have to find it. That will learn you, yeah.”

“Oh, my dear,” an amused voice giggled and Kurogane spun around on his knees, almost falling over from lack of grace. He was still dizzy from falling out of the sky. “What in the name of goodness gracious are you doing?”

“What the fuck?” Kurogane snapped, pointing at Princess Tomoyo. She was dressed in a frilly pink gown with a big wand in her hand, and a sparkly crown on her head. “What the hell are you wearing? You look retarded!”

“My goodness,” she said with such a polite smile, smacking him across the head with her shimmery killing stick of doom. “There is no need for such rude language, my dear, for you have saved all of…” She suddenly put her hand behind her head and giggled. “Like…oh my Gods…I like totally forgot where I am…again. Huh, how about that?”

“You didn’t have to hit me!” Kurogane yelled, rubbing his head. “You frilly pink bitch!”

“This loud and simple looking dolt has saved my hometown,” the furry little Mokona lookalike said, rolling his eyes.

“That’s right, little guy!” Princess Tomoyo said, raising her magic wand high. Kurogane wanted to grab it and wrap it around her neck. “This rude and simple looking dolt has saved all of Rosequartz from the evil Ashura of the East.” The princess pointed to the truck behind Kurogane with her wand.

He looked to see that there was a pair of large bare feet sticking out from under the truck and gasped. “Holy shit…I just committed murder.” Had his strength decreased? He couldn’t tell. Where the hell was his sword?

“Oh, no, my dear,” the Princess giggled like silver bells. “You have saved us all from this evil tyrant.”

“Yes,” the Mokona lookalike deadpanned, waving a tiny rainbow flag. “Yippy-woo-woo. You have saved us all.”

“SHUT UP!” Kurogane yelled right in its face. “Where the hell are my friends?”

“Oh, cookie,” Princess Tomoyo asked with a cocked brow. “Do you need one of my magical concoction? You get so angry for no reason at all.”

“NO!” He growled like a pissed off doggy, laughing at how ridiculous all this was. What world had he been blown away to? “I’m standing in a place that is way too cute to be healthy and these damn boots make me look like an idiot!”

“Oh, believe me,” the Mokona lookalike said. “You looked like an idiot way before those boots ever touched your smelly feet.”

“MY FEET DO NOT STINK!” Kurogane roared, picking up the creampuff by its ears, swinging it screaming around in circles. “AND I DID NOT LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT!”

Princess Tomoyo bashed him over the head with her magic wand again, causing him to drop the screaming Mokona lookalike. The poor little guy walked around in stumbling circles, falling over onto its side with a plop. Kurogane rubbed his head. He was going to kill her. He was going to kill her dead with that damn stick.

“You may come out now,” Princess Tomoyo cooed, turning to the bushes and the little houses. “You may all come out, the evil tyrant with the large feet is dead.”

Kurogane pursed his lips. Everyone in the village looked just like the Mokona lookalike. He wondered if the real one was hiding in there somewhere. Was he too afraid to come out and show himself? Well, he should be. He was going to bite his ears off, chew on them, and then spit them into a trashcan.

“The evil Ashura of the East is dead!” Princess Tomoyo called out. “Let the celebration being!”

Every one of the little Mokona’s began to cheer and then they all screamed at the top of their loud lungs when an angry blast of thunder deafened them. The Mokona lookalike quickly jumped behind Kurogane’s legs when a loud explosion of icy blue flames erupted like a volcano in the center of the square, sending little Mokona’s scampering for the bushes and little houses like mice.

Kurogane folded his arms across his chest as Princess Tomoyo floated over to stand in front of him. His crimson eyes widened when the icy blue flames began to take the shape of a dancing lithe figure. His jaw hit the ground when the blond wizard suddenly stood before them, smiling evilly.

“Who has killed my Ashura?” He asked with a deadly hissing voice. It reminded the ninja of a nest of poisonous serpents. The Mokona lookalike gulped from behind Kurogane and the wizard turned those venomous aqua blue eyes onto them. “Is that you, my pretty?”

Kurogane looked around, seeing that the little guy was holding onto his left ankle. He looked to be scared to death of the blond. He picked the trembling creampuff up into his hands, holding him in his arms. He didn’t like it when bigger things picked on smaller things. It really pissed him…unless he was the one doing the scaring.

Those bright blue eyes narrowed into slits of death. He pulled out razor sharp daggers of ice and began to wave them around with shimmering menace. “Who killed my Ashura?” He asked with enmity in his cold voice and was suddenly right up in Kurogane’s face. “Was it you?”

“Um, I guess you could say it was an accident,” Kurogane said, looking into those spooky blue eyes. “I didn’t mean for the twister to drop that truck on top of his face.”

“Well,” the blond said, walking over to look at his dead as a doornail partner in crime. “I can cause “accidents” to happen, too.” The Mokona lookalike growled angrily, making the blond chuckle wickedly. “Don’t make me put you in the cage again, my pretty.” The Mokona lookalike buried its face into Kurogane’s shoulder. The blonde’s eyes went all soft for a moment. “I’m sorry, pretty. I’ll buy you a new earring.” Kurogane felt what he thought was the Mokona growling and the blond narrowed his at him this time. “Give me my pretty, you handsome dolt.”

Kurogane’s nostrils flared in outrage. “The little guy doesn’t want to go with you.” What the hell was this? What the hell was wrong with Fai? “AND DON’T CALL ME A DOLT!”

“Aw, that is so cute. You’re standing up for the pretty as if you think he has rights,” Fai giggled and it was like the shattering of ice in a deep dark cavern. His voice was suddenly as frosty and deadly as lightning splitting a tree down the center. “You really don’t want to get in my way, big boy.”

“Excuse me, dear,” Princess Tomoyo said, poking her head in once more. “But, aren’t you forgetting something?”

Fai’s head snapped around like a dangerous leather whip in her direction and his eyes widened. “My Ashura’s ruby feathered boots! Where are they?”

“There,” Princess Tomoyo said, pointing at Kurogane’s feet. “I swear. You always do lose your head when it comes to my dear little Quartz.”

The anger on Fai’s beautiful face could have frozen lava in the heart of a volcano. “You really should give those back to me. I simply will not be happy until you do.”

“I don’t thing so, dear,” she said, grinning up at Kurogane. He really wanted to slap the both of them to the ground. That would really make him happy. “I think this dolt will need them more than you.”

“Give me those boots,” the blond whispered like snow through the air. “Or I’ll…”

“Or you’ll what?” Princess Tomoyo asked. She looked like she was really starting to lose patience. “Be gone, before somebody drops a truck on you.”

Fai looked up at the blue sky with some fear in his eyes that mirrored it to perfection. He fixed his blond locks and ran his creamy pale hands over his tailored suit of black velvet, violet silk, and lace. He looked right at the Mokono lookalike that Princess Tomoyo had called Quartz. The look on his face was so wicked it was scary. Kurogane really wished he had his sword. He felt like he was really going to need it should he had to deal with this Fai lookalike. “I’ll catch you, my pretty,” the blond said, pointing right at the two of them. “And your little boy, too!” He snapped his fingers and vanished in a loud roar of blue flames.

Kurogane yelled. “Who’re you calling a little boy? Come back here and face me, you skinny little bitch!”

Princess Tomoyo chuckled, smacking him over the head again, stunning him into silence again. “It is all right, everyone. He’s gone. You may all come out now. I have successfully shooed away the enemy.”

“Was that Fai?” Kurogane asked under his breath.

“Yes,” Princess Tomoyo said. “That was the wicked Fai of the West and he will do anything in his power to get those ruby feathered boots from you.”

“It seemed like he really wanted this little guy right here more,” Kurogane said, looking down into the grateful little Quartz’ face.

“Oh, no dear,” Princess Tomoyo chuckled lightly. “The wicked Fai of the West loves only power. He has been driven mad with it. He wants his magic to be the greatest in the world and if he were to get his hands on those boots, his power would be unstoppable.”

“What’s so special about these boots?’ He asked, looking down. That was when he noticed that each of them had a feather. They looked just like the Princess Sakura’s feathers. Well, that answered his question. “How do I get home?” He asked. “You know, back to the real world.”

“In order for you to do that,” Princess Tomoyo said, pointing down at his ruby booted feet. “You’ll have to follow the rainbow brick road.”

“THE RAINBOW BRICK ROAD?” He yelled, feeling like just pouncing on her right then and there. Oh, he was going to teach her a lesson. Where the hell had this thing come from? It had not been there before. He took a step towards her and stumbled. “HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO WALK IN THESE BOOTS?”

“Oh,” she said, stomping right over to where he was standing. Was she angry? He had never seen Princess tomoyo stomp before…not in any world. He really didn’t want to get hit in the head again. He already had four bumps. “You don’t walk, my dear. You stomp.”


TBC…

I really do apologize. I got down on my hands and knees in front of all the statues of all the gods ever dreamed of by me and begged them to forgive me for daring to even compose such an atrocity. I’m going to go to the freezer right now and get myself some chocolate ice cream so I can punish myself with a brain freeze. I’m even going to put some sprinkles and whipped cream on it for extra punishment as well.

Please review and tell me if you laughed or at least got a good chuckle.

Flora.

Note: song lyrics belong to Toy-Box