Overnight Delivery

Overnight Delivery


Warnings/Notes: SmokerxZoro. Yaoi, PWP. PSS (Poor Smoker Syndrome.) General weirdness. Though I don't usually go to the effort for character birthdays, the idea seemed terribly on topic. Posted a bit late here, but jeazard's review prompted me to it. Thanks!

--

It took two men and a trolley to cart Smoker's mail to his room that morning. When the marine was woken by a nervous knocking, he stomped across his room, dressing on the way, and managed to light his cigars before flinging the door open with an annoyed grunt. Ready to snap at the unfortunate men standing outside his door, Smoker found himself unable to find any words as he was met with a large box that was smothered in glitter and wrapped up in gleaming pink paper.

“Apologises for bothering you, Commodore, but it was labelled as urgent.” Blurted one of the men as they bustled past Smoker, pushing the trolley into his room without even asking.

“Oi, wait, what is this?”

Smoker's questions went unanswered as the men rolled the box into the room, heaving it off the trolley and lowering it carefully to the floor. Pulling off his cap and wiping his brow, one of them straightened up as the other dragged the trolley out with a squeak of wheels.

“I have no idea, sir. It is too big to store upstairs, so we had to bring it down here. There is a sealed letter on it though.”

“Hn.” Grunting, Smoker nodded in understanding as he eyed the box with suspicion.

It was truly ghastly. In the marine's neat bedroom, where the worst mess was a large ashtray with a couple of cigars worth of ash in the bottom, the colourful and shimmering abomination seemed even more bizarre and out of place than ever. Once he'd dismissed the seamen, Smoker closed his bedroom door and turned to stare at the box.

For several minutes he did not move; even though he'd seen a number of quite spectacular things in his life, he had never received any mail quite so... flamboyant. Approaching with caution, Smoker circled the box before reaching out to pluck a sealed envelope from beneath a large bow. Digging his thumb under the folder, Smoker opened the envelope and slipped out the card. A sense of dread surrounded him as he turned it over, staring at the familiar Straw Hat Jolly Roger on the front.

This couldn't be good.

The cogs in his experienced brain already clicking into place, Smoker eyed the box, half-expecting it to explode. But nothing happened. Standing back, he gave the box a gentle knock with his jutte, proceeding to give it a more aggressive shove after nothing happened the first time. There was still no reaction, and with some trepidation, Smoker shouldered his jutte and opened the card. Inside, written in surprisingly neat, probably feminine, handwriting, was “Happy Birthday Smokey”, underneath which was a messy unintelligible scrawl, and underneath that was “(Monkey D. Luffy)” written in the first set of handwriting.

Well, that certainly explained the rather bizarre decoration job. Though Smoker had a strong feeling that the captain had received some assistance from his crew in order to wrap the damn thing, and get the bows tied just right. Rubbery fingers didn't seem great for tying knots; Smoker assumed the kid went for sandals for that very reason.

Still holding the card in one hand, Smoker stepped over to the large present, curiosity getting the better of him as he gave it prod with his boot. Despite knowing who it was from, he still had no idea what the hell it was. He had half a mind to send the thing back, though he was becoming far more interested in what was actually inside it now.

Taking another step away from the box, Smoker put his card down on the table and took out his jutte. Extending it, he slipped the tip under the bow and tugged, pulling it loose and letting ribbons drop to the floor. A few tense seconds passed as Smoker eyed the box, before he decided he'd had enough of the paranoia. Even if it was from a pirate, it was also from an idiot.

Which just made the contents an even greater mystery.

Unable to tolerate hanging around any longer, Smoker crept up to the box, keeping his jutte at hand, just in case something deadly- or disgusting- were to come flying out at him. With a scowl plastered on his face, he started to pull off the glitter smeared, pink paper. As a few flecks of the shiny stuff got trapped in the fibres of his jacket lining, Smoker growled around his cigars, but tried to ignore it as he revealed the heavy looking wooden crate. Only fucking pirates would make him deal with shit like this on his birthday.

Having removed most of the wrapping paper, Smoker stepped back to look at the crate, brushing the glitter off his clothes and bare chest as he did so. Nothing particularly stunning about it. It was pretty big, and that was about it.

“What is this shit, Straw Hat?” Smoker muttered as he hooked his fingers under the lid of the crate, yanking it off and tossing it to the floor.

In one corner of the crate were three swords, tied together in a neat arrangement, but that was not what drew Smoker's immediate attention. It was the green haired man who was sprawled across the bottom of the crate fast asleep that had nearly made him drop his cigars in surprise.

Silence reigned in the room as Smoker stared into the box, unsure as to whether he should be beating the contents with his jutte or not. It didn't seem like much of a fair fight when his opponent was asleep in a pair of lurid tiger print boxers and sported a headband with matching ears though.

Too stunned to think anything at first, Smoker took a double take at the box before reaching up to rub his temple with his thumb and forefinger. On the plus side, at least Roronoa wasn't covered in glitter as well. Taking a step back, Smoker lifted up his jutte and gave the man a sharp prod in the chest- he knew the seastone wouldn't affect him, but he should at least make sure his gift hadn't died in transit. When he got no reaction the first time, Smoker tried again, jabbing Zoro considerably harder.

A drowsy snort confirmed that Zoro was indeed still alive, and Smoker withdrew his jutte from the box, but he still kept a firm hold of it. His gaze meet Zoro's as the younger man stretched out, a tense pause between them as Smoker forced himself to keep his gaze on the other's face.

“What the blazes are you doing in there, Roronoa?”

Sitting up in the crate, Zoro leant against the side, not bothered in the slightest by his current outfit. In no hurry, he yawned wide before straightening up a bit, looking up at Smoker with an expression that remained as cool as ever.

“Captain's orders.”

As Zoro grabbed the edge of the box and hauled himself to his feet, Smoker mulled over the explanation. He knew should have found it a bit more shocking to receive a near-naked man in a crate for his birthday, but after dealing with these people, he got a distinct sense that he got off lightly. Rubbing his fingers against the rough grit of stubble, Smoker raised an eyebrow as Zoro cocked a leg up to step out of the crate.

“Oi, I didn't say you could get out.” Smoker growled, stopping Zoro's foot with his jutte. “What if I was going to return you to the sender?”

“It would be rude not to accept your birthday gift.”

“What would you know about manners, pirate?”

“Damn sight more than you, marine!”

Smoker snorted, a puff of thick smoke shooting from his nostrils and dispersing in the air. He opened his mouth, ready to reply with a sharp snap of 'Bullshit!', but he stopped himself, running his assessing gaze over Zoro for a moment.

“So, why are you my birthday present?”

“I said it was Captain's orders, didn't I?” Zoro huffed, bending his knee and resting his foot on the edge of the box. “'s not good enough an explanation for you, eh?”

“A captain sending a crew member right into the hands of the enemy does strike me as counter-productive, Roronoa. I should be hauling your ass into a jail cell right now.” Smoker jabbed the floor with the tip of his jutte, standing it on its end. “Seriously, what the hell kind of order is that?”

“'Get in the box and go make sure that Smokey has a really happy birthday!'” Zoro replied, trying to affect his voice to get it to sound as chirpy as Luffy's and failing miserably. He sounded more monotonous than ever.

“Why the hell would he want me to have a 'happy' birthday?” Smoker growled back.

“It's Luffy.”

“And he's weird?”

“Exactly.”

Putting his jutte away, Smoker crossed his arms and looked pointedly at the tiger ears Zoro was wearing. “And I suppose he picked those too?”

“He thought you'd like 'em.”

Whilst Smoker tried to get his head around why Luffy thought he would like that, Zoro hoisted himself out of the box and dropped into the torn wrapping strewn around it, the glitter sticking to his feet. Scowling in disgust, he lifted a foot, trying to brush off the glitter and hop off the wrapping at the same time.

“You better not track that shit all over my carpet, Roronoa.”

“'s not my fault they coated it with shitty glitter!” Zoro replied, switching feet and trying to kick a tangled ribbon off, failing miserably as it clung around his leg. Going red out of frustration and embarrassment- Smoker was standing there watching, and although Zoro wasn't the most uptight kind of guy, it was still embarrassing to be stumbling around in your underwear and getting caught in ribbon in front of him- Zoro reached down to yank off the ribbon. The flustered action made him overbalance, and he toppled to the floor with a loud bang and a small mushroom cloud of loose glitter. He didn't see it, but the corners of Smoker's mouth turned up in amusement for a fraction of a second.

Lifting himself off the floor with a stream of curses, Zoro ripped the ribbon off his legs and crawled off the wrapping. He didn't pay attention to Smoker's annoyed expression as he got to his feet and brushed the glitter off himself, littering the marine's carpet with the stuff in the process.

“You're making a mess, pirate.” Smoker growled around his cigars, reaching over and grabbing Zoro's wrist to stop him. “Stop that.”

A tense pause hung between them, broken as Zoro turned his head to Smoker, glaring out at him. “Then what do you suggest, marine?”

Since he had no real answer, Smoker returned the angry look and yanked Zoro around, looking over his glitter-speckled body. “Perhaps I should just hand you over to my subordinate then.” Smoker's voice took on a smoother tone as he let go of Zoro's wrist, but only to move closer, his new proximity causing Zoro's nostrils to fill with the scent of burning fermented tobacco.

“You wouldn't dare.” Zoro muttered, swallowing despite his best efforts to keep a strong façade.

The serious expression never left Smoker's face as he peered down at Zoro, the threat silent but still very much there. More glitter fluttered to the ground as his folded his arms, turning his nose up as he looked away.

“Where should I go?”

“Back in the box.” Smoker grunted, his teeth clenching a little tighter around the cigars.

“I have to go back in there?” Zoro looked back to Smoker with an annoyed expression. “You're kidding me, marine. I ain't getting' in that cramped thing again. Besides...” Trailing off, Zoro smirked as he lifted up a palm and ran it down Smoker's chest, the marine not having a chance to pull back as a few particles of glitter were transferred to his skin. “I still have orders to carry out. You don't seem happy yet.”

“You aren't going to make me happy!” Smoker barked back, going pink as he knocked Zoro's hand away. It was getting harder for him to ignore the current state of dress the pirate was in.

“For my captain, I will carry out the orders or die trying.” Zoro replied with utter conviction, stepping forwards and looking up with a resolute gaze.

“Hope you have enjoyed a full life then, pirate.”

Despite his attitude, Smoker found himself stepping backwards as the pirate advanced, not quite sure what to do with the glittery man who was wearing nothing but garish underwear. A few steps later and the backs of his knees hit the edge of his bed, catching him by surprise and causing him to trip backwards, landing on his ass on the springy surface. Not even blinking at the rather undignified move made by the marine, Zoro proceeded to position himself across Smoker's lap, grinning lop-sidedly as he pushed the shocked man onto his back and eased the cigars from between his lips.

That was the move that brought back Smoker's focus, an angry scowl forming on his face as he looked up at the stolen cigars. Pale flesh evaporated to smoke as Smoker moved around Zoro, the lack of a solid surface beneath him causing him to fall forwards with a surprised yelp. Grabbing his cigars, Smoker wedged them back between his teeth as he re-materialised around Zoro, pinning him down to the bed with a hand planted square on the centre of his back.

“Don't even try it, pirate.” Smoker growled around his cigars, his eyes narrowing at the squirming man underneath him.

“Try what?” Zoro looked over his shoulder, glancing over at Smoker with a serious expression, despite the fact his supposedly ineffective squirming had inched higher. “Come on marine, jus' lemme fulfil my orders and I'll be on my way.”

“On your way my ass! I'm dragging you down to the brig right now!”

“I don't think you'll be doing that.”

“Damn right I will.”

There was a pause, the tension between them immense as Zoro lifted his hips off the bed and pressed his ass against Smoker's groin, grinding back against him with a slow and deliberate twist of the hips. The pressure was firm, but still wasn't anything close to painful as he pressed his body up against the tense marine.

“Nothing will stop me carrying out 'Captain's Orders'.” Zoro muttered darkly, reaching behind himself and forcefully dislodging Smoker's hand, not meeting too much resistance from the marine, who was barely holding onto his cigars as he gaped down at the serious man beneath him. “If you have a problem with it, ask him. I'm jus' the messenger.” Once he was freed, Zoro rolled onto his back, looking up at Smoker with a disapproving scowl. “Frankly I fail to see why he bothered with you.”

“He's an idiot.” Smoker muttered, trying to pull away as a despairing expression fell upon his face. Zoro wasn't intending on letting him off that lightly however, and grabbed his shoulders before he could react.

“True.” Zoro nodded in agreement, half sitting up so he could reach for Smoker's trousers, undoing the button. “Try and enjoy it. 's rude to turn down a gift.” He was fully aware of how fast the marine was, and he knew he wouldn't have much time to drag him into this, so he worked fast, pushing down the standard issue blue trousers the moment he'd worked the buttons and zip loose.

For a few moments, Smoker actually found himself feeling sorry for Zoro; he had to handle the damn strawhat kid every day, after all. The handful of short meetings he'd had with the kid had been enough to drive him up the wall, so the prospect of actually living with him in the confinements of a ship was completely beyond Smoker.

“C'mon, old geezer.” Underneath him, Zoro was pushing at his chest, trying to overturn the larger man. Even when he wasn't paying direct attention, Smoker's body was still passively resisting, and he wouldn't budge an inch. “Move it! You're still as damn heavy as ever!”

“Cram it, pirate. I know you could run a mile with me on your back and still be as fresh as a daisy.” Smoker bristled as Zoro's body rubbed against his own in the attempt to move it. “Your damn captain should learn to leave things alone.”

Lunging up and hooking an arm around Smoker's back, Zoro grunted with exertion as he forced him to roll over, and pushed him up so he was lying on the bed with his ankles hanging off the edge. “The problem is, he never learns his lesson. Now lemme do my damn job.”

Grabbing Zoro's wrists as he went for the waistband of his underwear, Smoker looked up at him, another angry frown on his face. “Why should you do this just because he tells you?”

Raising an eyebrow at the charged question, Zoro raised an eyebrow. “You make it sound like I'm some kind of whore.”

“Well, your captain has loaned you to me.” A lazy smirk tugged at Smoker's lip, but it didn't last as he reached up and yanked Zoro into his lap, seeming casual as he did it, even though he was finally breaking the gap between them. “It really doesn't look good on your part, does it?”

“Hn. Well, I wasn't going to let that damn dartbrow volunteer ahead of me, was I?”

“Mr. Prince?”

“Mr. Prince.”

After that, a silence fell between them. Not uncomfortable by any means, it was simply their nature to be quiet. Neither would bother to chat if they had nothing worth saying, and they both found that they'd already talked enough now. After shrugging off his jacket and jutte- it wasn't going to be any use to him now- Smoker reached up, pulling the tiger-ear headband off Zoro and tossing it across the room.

“He misfired on that.”

Grunting in response, Zoro leant forwards to crush his lips against the marine's, reaching up to clutch pale hair and pull him in. Not wanting to be outstripped, Smoker responded eagerly, one of his arms turning to smoke and looping around the pirate's waist. The smoke didn't appear to phase Zoro however, who continued as if it were something completely normal. He pulled back from the kiss, unsure whether he liked the almost chemical flavour of the cigars; it was different to the more bitter smell of cigarette smoke he was already accustomed to being around. Reaching down with his now-free hands, he groped Smoker through the front of his underwear, a crooked grin spreading over his face as he watched the marine tense beneath him.

Cupping Smoker through the thin material of his underwear, Zoro gave him a gentle squeeze, licking his lips as he felt him wriggle between his legs. Under his fingers, he could feel Smoker start to get hard, starting to strain against his underwear as he released his restraint.

Despite his initial lead, Zoro wasn't going to get away with it for long. Fingers that still had acrid smoke drifting from their tips slipped under the waistband of Zoro's underwear, and took an unrelenting hold of the elastic. For a moment, Zoro found himself staring into cool grey eyes, before the loud rip of his underwear being separated from his body by the most brutal means possible met his ears. He didn't really mourn for the ugly garment (perhaps it was better destroyed so it could cause no one else any visual distress), not whilst fingers and tendrils of smoke coiled around his cock, squeezing tight enough to pleasure, but ghosting over in to the point of teasing. One of his hands moved away from Smoker so he could bite down on it, muffling a low groan. Doing his level best to hold onto the rest of his control, Zoro pulled down the front of Smoker's underwear with the other and released his erection, fumbling to pull the material down without much grace.

Despite recognising the hurry Zoro was now in, Smoker didn't mention it, eyeing the fumbling hand with a hint of amusement. It meant that they were less likely to get caught out- though anyone on this ship knew better than to come barging into his room- and he wasn't in the mood for idiotic games right now anyway. If his partner was just as willing, then he wasn't going to hold back.

As Zoro started to grind down on his lap, Smoker concluded he'd had enough of teasing now and released his cock. With one freed hand, he reached up to grasp the wrist of Zoro's hand, extracting it from his mouth with a stern look. “Come on Roronoa, you ain't a demure young girl. Cut that shit out.”

“Screw you, marine!” Zoro snapped back, losing his cool for a moment as his cheeks flushed red. He didn't immediately notice Smoker pulling his hand to his mouth, and went red as he felt the other man's wet tongue brush against the underside of his fingers, yelling out. “H-hey!”

The cigars were being held in Smoker's other hand. After sucking at the tips of Zoro's fingers he took a brief intermission, sucking a large breath of smoke from them before continuing to wet the digits. He looked up at Zoro when the man produced a grunt of annoyance at that, but his own expression remained defiant and uncaring.

As soon as he was satisfied that Zoro's fingers were as damp as they were going to get, Smoker pulled his hand away from his mouth and released his wrist. For a second, Zoro blinked and stared at his wet fingers, but a growl from Smoker soon prompted him into action. Reaching behind himself, he looked at Smoker as he spread his cheeks and slid a finger in. The marine's gaze didn't leave him for a moment, seeming to drink in the sight as he added another finger. It was strange that Smoker's expression was still so calm and stoic, observing him in acute detail. Any slight change in his expression would be noted by the marine, and he had no doubt that any noise he made would be heard too. He still hadn't forgotten the way Smoker had singled out that damn crocodile.

Fingers looping around his wrist told Zoro that Smoker had decided he was ready enough as his hand was extracted from behind him. Billows of smoke surrounded his waist, feeling near-solid as he found himself being dragged further up Smoker's lap, and even being lifted up over his arousal, the action making him start to struggle. It was hard not to be nervous when the only thing holding you up was a thick cloud of smoke.

“Stop that.” Once he was satisfied with Zoro's repositioning, Smoker soon returned to a more physical form, favouring the fine control of his own fingertips. Giving Smoker a brief dirty look, Zoro licked wetly over his palm and reached down, squeezing Smoker a little as he ran his hand over him.

Reaching behind Zoro with one hand to part his cheeks, Smoker started to lower him onto his cock, allowing the hands that reached down to grab at his chest. He paused at the soft hiss of pain at the initial penetration, his gaze flicking up to watch Zoro's face; it was swordsman's own damn fault if he neglected to bring a proper lubricant, but he wasn't going to force him down and hurt them both. Ignoring the fingertips that dug into his flesh, he continued once the initial tenseness passed and drew Zoro down with a steady draw.

Sucking in a sharp breath as Smoker pushed in deeper, Zoro found his body relaxing pretty quickly, the cool demeanour of the marine making him a surprisingly good partner in this. Loosening the grip of his fingers a bit- he didn't let on seeing Smoker's expression relax a little as the digging fingers withdrew- Zoro pressed his palms down as he rolled his hips back. A puff of smoke rolled past Smoker's lips when he started, and although his hands continued to hold onto Zoro, they didn't make him move. It seemed Smoker really didn't like letting pirates go, in any situation.

It wasn't long before Zoro was lifting himself up with his movement, his thighs pressing close against Smoker's hips each time he drop down. A controlled thrust up into him nearly threw Zoro off balance, but he grit his teeth and dropped down harder, determined not to let the marine get the better of him. Damnit, he was the one who ended up coming here, and he was going to do a downright good job- or go to jail trying.

Smoke- from the cigars or the man himself, it was unclear- started to gather against the ceiling, drifting up from the pair readily as their combined body heat warmed the air. What had started off steady and controlled had soon devolved into a rhythm of forceful movements, neither of them afraid to utilise their strength.

Unable to tolerate the pressure of his oncoming orgasm, Zoro reached down to touch himself, but had his hand knocked by a cloud of smoke. It wrapped itself around him, half-forming into Smoker's hand as he fondled Zoro, the light brush of the smoke on his sensitised skin soon granting him his much needed release. Most would detect little change in Zoro as he came, but the tensing of pectorals and slight parting of lips with the softest of moans were all too clear to the eyes fixed on him; not a single detail was missed. Smoker's remaining hand on his hip came into play not long after, lifting up and pulling down with a single minded intent until he followed suit, he too maintaining his reserved attitude. The only outwards sign was a thin stream of smoke drifting from the perpetually parted lips.

--

The pirate hadn't wasted any time fleeing the scene once he was done.

Hopping off the bed once he'd caught his breath, Zoro rifled through Smoker's dresser and snatched a pair of plain white briefs, pulling them on hurriedly. Going back over to the box, he retrieved his swords, before giving the marine a manly nod and striding out the door. Smoker wasn't exactly sure how the hell he'd actually make it back to where he came from- it didn't help that he took the wrong direction down the corridor when he left either, heading directly for Tashigi's room at the end. Regardless, it wasn't his responsibility, and anyway, it was his birthday.