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Mea Culpa	By : saxonjesus Category: +. to F > D. Gray Man Views: 1738 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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Mea Culpa

Part I: I Ran Away

Hot breath touched the sweaty skin of his stomach, creating a chill that ran up
Yuu's spine. He thrust his hips forward, wanting more contact, and he was
rewarded with a strangled groan from his lover. The redhead, his hair slicked
down to his skull with sweat, reached behind him, grabbing the bottle of oil,
stolen from Jerry, that Yuu normally used to treat his boots. Lavi's hand went
out of sight for a moment, but the Japanese boy felt the gentle probing feeling
a moment later and arched his back in an attempt for more.

It was one of the few times Yuu had let Lavi take him, he realized as Lavi
finished and replaced his fingers with something large and warm a moment later.
But it felt damned good, he reminded himself as his redheaded lover gasped and
nibbled at the junction of his neck and shoulder. It felt good, dangerously so,
and the dark-haired boy wasn't sure he would last that long. He never did--not
when Lavi topped. The apprentice Bookman rocked himself forward, wrenching a
strangled yell from Yuu's throat--

"Yuu-kun, are you alright?" Lenalee's concerned voice pervaded into
the brightly lit room, shocking the man from his dream. The door opened, and he
barely managed to cover himself and reposition so that the Chinese woman could
not see his arousal.

Sighing, he managed to look her in the eye without a blush. When he spoke,
there was no incriminating tremble in his voice. The Bean Sprout and Lenalee
had already gotten used to his night terrors, and they had seen him in such
horrible states of distress that this small potential embarrassment held no
sway in Yuu's mind. "Fine," he grunted curtly, looking away as soon
as he could without invoking Lenalee's worry.

Lenalee gave him an understanding look before closing the door to his room. He
had been staying with them for two weeks now, as he continued his search. He
had received a lead while he had been in France and had rushed to London
immediately--it had been a stroke of luck when he had run into Lenalee. It had
been years since they had seen each other, since the end of the war five years
ago. It had surprised him just how much he had missed the Chinese girl's bubbly
personality. He didn't even mind being around Moyashi. The two reminded
him of times both good and bad, but reluctant as he was to admit it, he found
he enjoyed their presence.

Perhaps that was why he was having the dreams with more frequency. They'd never
fully stopped, but even meditating until he fell into a deep sleep couldn't
keep them away anymore. Allen had figured out almost right away that some of
his screams were not those of terror, some of his groans not those of fear. Yuu
could only hope that Lenalee hadn't been so illusioned.

They'd both known about his curious relationship with La--Bookman Junior. It
still hurt to even think his previous name. Everything made sense, the way it
had all played out, but it didn't stop Yuu from hating every second he spent mooning
over a lost love that hadn't been real in the first place. For the other party,
at least. Perhaps to Bookman Junior, all the words were lies, all the embraces
just ways to rid himself of frustration, but to Yuu, some part of him had begun
to care. And, most annoying of all, they hadn't fled, not even when the old man
had died and Lavi had had to take over, severing all ties.

Shaking his head, Yuu sighed again. He didn't want to think about this, to be a
fucking emotional bitch. With a cursory glance toward the door to ensure
Lenalee was gone, Yuu sat up and dressed himself. After a quick breakfast, the
dark-haired man walked out of the small house and headed toward the
Underground, intending to take it to the south part of the city. So far, he had
not been able to find another lead. He knew the person he was searching for was
in the city, making a steady income, but he didn't know where. His tip
had been vague at best, though if he was honest with himself, Yuu knew that it
was probably the clearest of the many he'd received.

Yuu tried not to jump at each person who passed, decorated in their frilly
skirts and tight pants. Even after five years, crowds irked him, set him on
edge. He still had trouble trusting humans, thinking that everything said to
him was a trap, and though he had gotten much better, he was unable to fully
assume people had his interests in mind. It didn't help that every time he saw
someone with dark hair, he immediately assumed it was the person for whom he
was searching.

He sipped on his tea, scanning the crowd for anything that would keep his mind
off of the redhead who had so long ago discarded him. Logically, he knew he
shouldn't still be dwelling on it, but Lavi's face when his Master had died
stuck with him, even though the scene had occurred just over six years ago.
That soulful green eye that showed emotions only for him, swirling with pain
and something akin to grief, clouded with duty and with a veil of objectivity
that Lavi was forced to wear when in company. The boy had looked up at him, his
mouth not upturning in its usual grin, and then turned his gaze elsewhere,
walking from the room as if Yuu hadn't been there at all.

At first, Yuu had thought it was just grief, but after a full week of being
avoided as if he carried some type of highly contagious toxin, he had realized
it was something more. In that time, Lavi had cut off his emotions, removed
himself from the fake mask he wore for other people--and apparently for Yuu as
well--and replaced it with his true self. Lavi was a Bookman. Bookmen didn't
feel. Lavi--no, it was Bookman from the point his Master had died--had made
that perfectly clear.

Grunting into his steaming cup of tea, Yuu scowled at the table, trying harder
to erase the memories from his mind, even though they were carved there
eternally, like a message immortalized on the trunk of a tree. It was so hard
to forget when every accidental brush from passersby reminded him of the way
Lavi's fingers would ghost over his shoulder, playing with the hair that hung
in a dark sheet down his back, running his hands through it with equal
gentleness. At the time, Yuu had scoffed, bristled as the redhead very nearly
worshiped the long, black locks. Now, he knew he would do anything just to feel
that touch one more time, pathetic as it sounded.

"I'll have your dark roast coffee," Yuu heard someone say. Maybe it
was because of the direction of his thoughts, but the Japanese man was
astounded by the voice's similarity to his former lover's. He forced himself
not to look up. He would not fall to the level of some lovesick cow.

But as always, paranoia won out and Yuu looked up, examining the newest
customer. His heart felt like it was being wrenched from his chest. Flaming red
hair, a bit longer than it had been. There was no eye patch covering the man's
damaged eye, something his former self would never have allowed. He looked just
like any other person on the street, which was probably by choice, wanting to
blend in and observe without being noticed; Yuu probably wouldn't have noticed
him if the man hadn't spoken. But he had, and the voice, coupled with the
clear, green eye that was now looking around, identified him.

Throwing money down onto the small table, Yuu stood up, table scraping stone,
intending to make a hasty retreat before--

"Yuu-chan?!"

Before the redhead a few tables away from him noticed.

Ignoring the horrible pain that seemed to have settled into the space where his
heart was supposed to be, Yuu walked--he refused to say it was running, even
though he was moving too fast for it to have been called anything but--a few
blocks away, and considering the distance to be suitable, ducked into an
alleyway.

He waited for a few moments, back pressed against one of the brick buildings
that lined the tight corridor. Hopefully, he had been going fast enough to lose
the Bookman. However, it seemed luck was not on his side today, because as soon
as Yuu began to relax, the familiar redhead walked leisurely into the alley.

Yuu looked from side to side, hoping for some escape route to appear to him,
but of course, there was none. The Bookman walked up to him cautiously,
almost... wonderingly. Reaching up with both hands, La--Bookman placed them on
either side of Yuu's face and leaned in.

"You're alive?" The redhead asked, seeming unable to believe his eye.

Yuu forced himself not to look away, he wouldn't allow the other man the
satisfaction of knowing that he may still harbor feelings after all these
years. He would not show that weakness, he'd given into that once, and he was
not going to do it again. "Che, did you really think that some
stupid war was going to kill me?"

"B-but you--you disappeared! You were just... gone!" The redhead
spoke just like he used to. He slurred his words, and was an idiot.

"Surprised you noticed, Bookman." Ahh yes, there was the mask.
Yuu was surprised the man was still slipping, after all these years of being
objective. Some part of Yuu wondered if it was because the Bookman was around
him.

"I am just surprised to see you." The redhead's voice was flat and
calm. It did not even hint at the curiosity the man was most likely brimming
with deep inside.

"Yes, well, I am only here because I have business. I assume that's why
you're here as well?" Yuu struggled to keep his voice in check. His mind
was burning with strange emotions that had long ago been discarded.

"Of course. May I ask where you are staying?"

"I'm surprised you can't guess. You know Allen and Lenalee live along the
Thames." Yuu sighed, he knew were this was going to lead so he might as
well be the one to initiate it, "Lenalee is... worried about you. I know
you aren't supposed to have ties, but it would do her good to see you."

There was a strange light in the Bookman's eye, one that Yuu couldn't identify,
and then a broad smile spread across the stranger's lips. "You know me too
well, Kanda."

That hurt. It shouldn't have, but it did. Hadn't he gotten over that years ago?
It was probably from spending so much time with Lenalee, having someone
familiar refer to him with familiar terms. It brought back old memories that
should have been locked away and forgotten, had been locked away and
forgotten.

Yuu mentally shrugged off the clawing emotions and without a word, began
walking back to his temporary home along the Thames. He knew the Bookman was
following, so there was no need to look back. But he still wanted to. The blood
raged through his vessels, pumping his heart too fast just with the man's
presence, and it irked him. He had long ago rid himself of these emotions,
meditated and pummeled anything in sight and doing whatever it took just to
eliminate them. To have the reactions and feelings return with such ease hurt,
and it made him speed his pace up, simply trying to leave the Bookman behind.

Even though all he wanted to do was turn around and bask in the sight before
him, take in the changes and categorize them so he could remember them forever.
He wanted to look at that hair, feel how it had grown as he pulled his hands
through the soft locks, place gentle, exploratory fingers on the eye Bookman
had never let him touch.

Yuu felt sickened and further lengthened his gait, trying to leave the emotions
in the dust behind him, untouched and unexamined so that he would never have to
feel them again. He was so upset that he missed the entrance to the
Underground, instead striding on with ever-increasing velocity until--too
quickly--he reached his temporary residence.

Storming inside, Yuu saw Komui, exactly as everyday, sitting in the front room,
drinking tea. Yuu did not acknowledge his presence, continuing straight on into
the kitchen where he would undoubtedly find Lenalee. He saw the petite Chinese
woman taking a tray of tarts out of the oven. Hearing Yuu enter, the
dark-haired girl turned around and smiled, but noticing Yuu's obviously
disgruntled expression, the smiled turned slightly downward.

"Yuu-kun, what is it?" Yuu couldn't bring himself to form a coherent
response, so he merely pointed into the room he had just exited.

Curious, Lenalee set her tray onto the kitchen table and peeked into the front
room. A rather stunned Komui was staring, open-mouthed, at the unexpected
arrival. Lenalee was soon mirroring her brother's sentiment.

"Lav--Bookman? What are you doing here?" She rushed past Yuu and was
soon standing as close as she dared to her once-friend. "I mean, this is
so unexpected! How are you?"

"You're pregnant?" There was momentary pause in the Earth's rotation
at that moment as a series of things happened simultaneously. Lenalee's face
went from confused to shocked to embarrassed as Komui's face lit up in
something that could have been rage, joy, and confusion somehow combined. Allen
tripped down the stairs as he overheard the news, coming to a crashing halt at
the base, as Yuu stared, flustered, at the calm and curious redhead.

The four who had not spoken suddenly regained their ability to talk, and as one
their question was voiced together, "What?"

Bookman didn't even look flustered as he stared openly at Lenalee. "Well,
you don't look particularly stressed, but you look quite tired anyway; your
breasts seem almost swollen, judging by how tight they are against the fabric
of your shirt--I'm sure you thought that was strange when you could barely fit
into it. Your skin seems brighter, and though that isn't an actual sign,
pregnant women are said to be 'glowing.' And the fact that you don't seem
horribly surprised makes me assume that something happened a few weeks ago that
would make you expect such a question from me."

The Chinese woman gaped, bringing her hands to her abdomen in what Yuu assumed
was an unconscious movement as Moyashi looked simultaneously horrified
and overjoyed.

"Allen also seems quite pleased with himself," Bookman added as an
afterthought.

Yuu looked to the dark-haired woman's brother for a reaction, and as expected
he got one.

"You defiled my sister!" The tall Chinese man shouted to the
one-armed, white-haired man.

To Yuu's surprise the normally polite man simply turned to his brother-in-law,
smiled, and said, "I had sex with my wife. We are going to have a
baby. Be happy."

"Deal with it, Gege," Lenalee replied sweetly. The response
seemed to subdue the overly-protective man, although the grumbling still
continued.

As if seeing really noticing the stranger in his living room for the first
time, Allen spluttered, "La--Bookman? What are you doing here?"

"Hey, Allen. I see you really did lose your arm in the final battle."
Bookman replied nonchalantly. Yuu was surprised that the redhead had not known
for sure that Allen had given up his Innocence to defeat the Earl. Well, Yuu
hadn't know either until he had seen the Bean Sprout those two weeks prior.

"Yeah, well, you would have seen it if you had stuck around to help bring
in the wounded." Yuu had never heard Allen's voice have that harsh an edge
to it. Yuu wondered if Bookman had done the same thing he had and left the
still burning battlefield before anyone could see. It would make sense, seeing
as the war was over and as a Bookman, that meant moving on.

"I had things I needed to do." The reply was simple and
non-apologetic, but there was something behind it that struck Yuu as off. There
was emotion behind it, something very similar to regret and pain.

"You could have at least told us you were alive! I mean, I had expected
something like that from Kanda, but why not stay and record the losses? I mean
you didn't even record the fact that the Noah that survived had to be killed
because their minds were completely shattered from the Earl's influence. We
could have used your help in doing that, at least! Do you have any idea what it
was like the see your enemies, writhing on the ground, screaming for release
from their bodies as the corruption slowly ate away at their skin, melting it?
You missed all the screams! Hell, you missed me having to kill Tyki, because
the man had simply become too crazy. We couldn't save any of them and you
weren't even there to record how they were just people who had been taken over
by the Earl's destructive nature. You didn't even stay to see the last of the
Akuma melt into non-existence because they were too weak to keep their forms
but too strong to go onto Heaven. We had to listen for days as the souls
cried for release and were unable to help them. The only way that we could have
done that was for me to stand on the battlefield and release Innocence into its
incorporeal form, as it was before the Crowned Clown appeared. I had to watch
as all the souls gathered around me and begged to be killed. You missed
everything, we needed your help and all you have to say is, 'I had things to
do'? What the hell, Bookman? I thought history was the most important thing to
you? What could be more important than history? Obviously, not the 'friends'
you had made while you were 'Lavi'."

There was silence. No one had expected so much anger and betrayal to come
spilling out of Allen's mouth. No one knew how to respond, and from the
absolutely flabbergasted look on Bookman's face--the slack mouth that was just
slightly open, and the bright green eye that had been blank and uncaring that
was now wide and filled with confusion that gave way to a deep, inner turmoil--the
words had hit something inside the empty heart of the redheaded Bookman.

"I-I-I'm sorry." The words came out in a stuttered jumble, and it
seemed the Bookman was as surprised as the rest of the room at his own
admission.

Standing up as if to leave, Bookman nodded to Lenalee and offered her his
congratulations, "I'm glad that you and Allen finally got your act
together. I'll be leaving now, it was unexpectedly nice to have been able to...
see you all again."

The redhead made as if to walk out the front door when Lenalee grabbed his
wrist. "Bookman, do you have a place to stay? I know how they don't pay
you a lot, and we do have an extra room."

Moyashi made a disgruntled noise at the offer, and Yuu distinctly heard
Komui complain about never having been offered a place to stay. The stranger
turned toward the small Chinese woman, face giving away everything he was
feeling. Which mostly consisted of shock, confusion, gratefulness, and
something that could have been interpreted as relief.

"Are you... sure? I mean, I would love to stay, seeing as I have exactly
no money with which to pay for a room, but after everything I have
done..."

Lenalee shook her head, smiling. "It's fine, Bookman," she said
calmly, ignoring Moyashi's loud, vehement protests. "You were my
friend once--everyone's friend, really--and we'd be glad to give you a place to
stay."

Allen made to open his mouth, but his wife shot him a withering glare that Yuu
was distinctly proud of.

"You weren't mad at Yuu-kun, and he left before Lavi--er,
Bookman," she pointed out.

Yuu didn't like where this conversation was going. He had expected the stupid,
heartless brat to follow him back, maybe talk with his housemates for a while
before leaving and once more walking out of his life. But the offer of a place
to stay didn't sit well with him. It would make him remember times and places
that he had tried to block from his mind the second Lavi had ceased to exist.
It already was. He was already remembering the feel of Lavi's lips on his, the
intoxicating press of sweat-slicked skin to sweat-slicked skin, the quiet days
in the library when the redhead scribbled furiously at his logs while Yuu read
the nearest book, the strong and sturdy hug he always received upon returning
from a mission, the whisper of those elusive words tickling his ear, the...

Stalking from the room, Yuu returned to his bed and lay down. It was best not
to dwell on those memories, especially when none of it had been real. It was an
illusion, he supposed, sure as the Lotus that only he and one other could see.

It meant nothing. It had always meant nothing. It was only an indulgence.
That was the unspoken agreement between them, though both knew it was a lie. On
the battlefield, they pretended not to care and went along with their business.
No one noticed the covert glances Yuu sometimes shot at Lavi, just to make sure
he wasn't being stupid and getting killed.

Bullets rained down, just as they always did, but Yuu ignored them, stepping
out of their way only when they were in danger of hitting him. It wasn't that
he couldn't survive, but he didn't much enjoy the sensation of having his body
burning from the inside out as it blackened his skin. Striking out at the
nearest Akuma, Yuu silently unleashed his Hell's Insects. Independent of each
other, they searched out the Level Two's weakest points and hit them. Though
they didn't do much damage, Lavi's attack--a direct Fire Seal--complemented his
own, bringing out a large explosion as the Akuma was destroyed and the soul
purified.

Another Akuma took its place, a Level Three this time. The Japanese Exorcist
activated his Second Illusion, feeling the tingling sensation as his Innocence
twined around his arms and doubled itself in his left hand. Contorting his face
into a raging scowl, Yuu attacked the enemy with more force than was strictly
necessary. Unlike the little damage his Insects had inflicted, this attack was
far stronger, even against a more powerful opponent. Jumping up high into the
air, Yuu cut once more, feeling through his hilt the grating slice of Innocence
through metal. As his feet hit the ground, he bounded off toward his next
enemy, the explosion in his wake singing the ends of his hair.

He sought out the Noah who had started this battle and managed to find him with
little difficulty. Then, a scream rent the air, and Yuu looked around wildly,
needing to know where that voice had come from. It was Lavi's. It was injured.
His heart stopped, icing over even though he wasn't supposed to care. The
redhead was good in battle--Yuu didn't need to be worried. The apprentice
Bookman was probably just lifting his hammer to slam it down on the nearest
Akuma. There was no need for Yuu to assume the other boy was injured. There was
no need for him to take his mind off the battle, leave his guard open as he
searched frantically for the boy that occasionally shared his bed.

A writhing shape caught his attention, and Yuu found himself sprinting toward
it, even though Tyki had his guard down and could be taken out with ease, even
in his new, more powerful form. Still, that didn't seem to matter as the
Japanese boy caught a glimpse of red hair on the ground. His heart sped up, his
limbs moved faster, and abruptly, he was at the apprentice Bookman's side.
Black stars were already spreading on the boy's face, and pain clouded his eye.
Yuu gasped. It meant nothing, he repeated to himself, it was only an
indulgence.

Lavi let out a rueful smile, his eye catching Yuu's as the Japanese boy pulled
him into his lap. It was a gesture of caring, of concern, something that Yuu
would never have done for anyone--and Lavi should have been included in that.
But he wasn't, and Yuu took his hand from his sword, letting it deactivate as
he carded his fingers through the redhead's sweaty hair, trying to sweep it
from his blackening face.

This time, unlike the reality, there was no Krory. This time, Yuu watched as
Lavi slowly turned black and crumbled in his hands, the wind carrying his last
words away so that all the Japanese boy could hear was the faintest whisper.

"Te amo..."

Yuu screamed. It wasn't supposed to end like that. Krory was supposed to be
there, to drop in at the last second and remove the virus from Lavi's veins. He
screamed and screamed and screamed because he loved Lavi, goddammit, and
he wasn't going to let death take that fucking rabbit away from him. He
screamed, even as he realized that he couldn't possibly be on the battlefield,
because he was horizontal and tangled in a bunch of sheets that hadn't been
there when he'd fallen asleep. He screamed, even though the lighting of the
battle had been different. He screamed, even though he knew the battle had
taken place in a field, not a bedroom with white-washed walls and scarlet
curtains. There was a rustle of movement outside his door, probably Lenalee or
Allen coming in to make sure he wasn't being murdered. But still, he screamed.

He wasn't expecting the head that nervously poked through the door to belong to
the person he had just seen dying, the person who knew more about that
particular nightmare than anyone else in the house. Bookman inched into the
room, coming to sit on the bed as Yuu's yells finally began to calm. He hated
the warm pool of relief that blanketed his stomach at the sight of his former
lover. He hated that he felt safe as Bookman took him into his arms and pressed
his head against the man's shoulder. Even more, though, he despised how
Lavi-esque this stranger was acting.

"Hush, Yuu, it's okay, I'm right here," the redhead cooed, rocking
the two of them slightly. Vaguely, it hit Yuu that the stranger holding him
probably knew exactly which terror he had just relived. Regaining his sense of
self, he pushed away, determined to keep himself at a distance both physically
and emotionally. He didn't need Bookman--he was just fine without him and had
been for six years.

He tried not to notice the shocked expression that covered the Bookman's face
before he schooled his features once more.

"Get out of my room," Yuu hissed, looking just past Bookman's ear.
His gaze landed on the door, where he saw both Lenalee and her white-haired
husband peeking in.

Frustrated by his own weakness, Yuu grabbed his coat that was draped over his
desk chair and stormed from his room and then the house. It was already morning
again, he had slept through the afternoon, evening, and night. Yuu cursed as he
realized that he had had to leave his own room just to escape the redheaded
stranger who bore such a close resemblance to his former lover. He cursed again
when he realized that he had wasted a full day that he could have used to
search another section of London.

To make up for the lost time, Yuu spent the whole day scanning the city,
searching for her, the person he had spent the majority of his life seeking.
The sun was already beginning to set when he returned to the quaint little
house on the Thames. It appeared that Komui had come for his usual cup of
afternoon tea and had left, earlier than normal, which meant that Kloud had
obviously put her foot down and demanded that her husband actually eat dinner
with her for once.

There was a commotion in the kitchen, and curious, Yuu decided it was best to
investigate. Lenalee was shouting at the white-haired man to stop stealing
pieces of her cooking, and the one-armed man was looking guiltily at his wife as
the strange redhead giggled at their fight. The room sobered as the occupants
noticed Yuu presence. That wasn't uncommon, especially after they had witnessed
Yuu losing control like he had that morning.

Lenalee was the first to break the silence, "Any luck today,
Yuu-kun?"

"Che, same as the last two weeks. Absolutely nothing."

She smiled at him softly, understanding filling her eyes, "Don't worry,
you'll find them eventually. I'm sure another lead will appear soon. Bread? I
just finished baking it." And just like that the conversation turned to
how Lenalee had spent the whole day baking, only to have been successful in
making a single loaf because Allen had been continually stealing pieces of
dough. The couple bickered back and forth and Yuu was able to take his
attention away, knowing he wouldn't have to contribute anything. His gaze
wandered to the only other person in the room. Bookman was looking at the
flirting pair with a strange expression. It was an expression Lavi would have
made, contented enjoyment. There was a small smile on the stranger's lips, and
his green eye was fixed on the two. It was obvious the Bookman didn't realize
what his face was giving away. Deep down, it made Yuu somewhat contented to
know that the man was slipping. Like the man deserved to be having trouble. But
that was a stupid feeling.

Then Yuu thought back, the man had been giggling at the couple as Yuu
had walked in. That morning he had called him Yuu again. The Bookman had called
him Yuu-chan yesterday in the cafe. That was far too many slips to be normal.

"What'cha starin' at, Kanda?" The redhead's voice jarred Yuu back
into reality. He had been staring, and he would berate himself about that
later, because right now he had to make sure he had heard that sentence right.
That voice was far too Lavi-ish.

"Have you been drinking, Bookman?" He asked nonchalantly.

"Eh?" The redhead blinked several times in confusion. Yuu scoffed,
resisting the urge to punch the man who was an idiot in any persona.

"I can't understand you because you're slurring your words," the
Japanese man reiterated.

Bookman blinked again, and then his face became a mask of nothingness, just as
it had been the moment his Master had died.

"Excuse me," the redhead mumbled, inclining his head and departing
the room. A moment later, Yuu heard a door close and assumed the stranger had
gone out for some air.

Allen and Lenalee stopped arguing when they heard Bookman leave. Sitting down
at the table, they looked at him, as if waiting for him to explain something.

Allen was the first to speak. "Kanda, why do you think he's here? Why did
he follow you? Did he say anything that may have given away what exactly his
mission is in London?" The man's face was surprisingly serious, and Yuu
wondered why he thought the Bookman would have told him anything.

"He just said it was for business, we all know that even though he was an
idiot as Lavi; as Bookman, he won't give information. Everything he does is
planned." Yuu had thought it was obvious, but he had to wonder why Moyashi
was asking.

"Well, then there must be a reason that he stopped by."

"Nostalgia? Missing the good old days? Bringing up bad memories? Who
knows, but I couldn't really care less what he does, as long as he leaves me
out of it." Yuu had to admit that the Moyashi was right. There was
a reason Bookman was here. He was going against what it meant to be a Bookman,
retying broken connections. A Bookman, once he left one life, was supposed to
discard everything related to it, so why was the redhead here? Why had he even
acknowledged Yuu the other day? Yuu was going to get to the bottom of this.

Standing up, he left the house, wondering just where the Bookman had gone. He
didn't have to look far, as the redhead was only a block away, leaning against
a rail and looking out onto the Thames. Yuu walked up quietly, standing a meter
away, and waited for the man to notice his presence.

"Is there something you want?" Bookman's voice was cold, colder than
his lifeless eye.

"Why are you here? What is it that you want from us?" They were
simple questions, ones that he knew he wouldn't get straight answers to, but
was going to ask them anyway.

"Needed a place to stay, knew Lenalee was in town, and when I saw you I
knew that you would take me to her, and she, being the generous soul she is,
would offer me shelter, free of charge. I am here on buisness, and I want
nothing from you." The response was colder than the question, and it was
obviously only half true.

"Well, now that I know what to tell Lenalee, why don't you tell me what
you really want from me so that I can get on with my life."

The redhead didn't look at him, he continued to stare out onto the river. He
was silent for a long while, and Yuu was just about to sigh and walk away when
the stranger spoke. "I just wanted to see them. I thought you were dead,
and I was so shocked that you weren't because--I just wanted to
apologize."

Yuu didn't now what to say to that. The Bookman was lying to him, that was for
sure, and from the way he had changed mid-sentence, it was obvious.

"Great, well then apologize so I don't have to see your face
anymore."

Bookman opened his mouth, a weird light in his eye, and Yuu abruptly realized
that he didn't want to hear it. "Don't say it," he bit out. "You
don't even have to say it. Apology accepted. Now you can go back to whatever
mission you're on with your not-there guilt appeased." With that, Yuu
turned and stormed away, heading back to Lenalee's home, where he would tell
her Bookman's "reasons for being there."

Obviously, the conversation didn't go well, though in the back of Yuu's brain,
he supposed it was his own fault. He was in such a horrible mood that he nearly
punched the wall--or Moyashi, who was a more tempting target--when
Lenalee nodded with a rueful smile and went back to baking her cookies. When
the redhead returned an hour or two later, she smiled at him and told him he
was still welcome, a response that made Yuu's blood boil. The entire day had
been a failure, from his ridiculous nightmare to the continued presence of the
stranger. Yuu ignored him, too upset to trust himself to stand up and not hit
something--Bookman had taken Allen's place as target of choice.

Finally, once the kitchen had been abandoned by the other three, Yuu got up and
left the house, streaking across the dark London streets at a brisk pace,
trying to clear his mind. Normally, he would have meditated, but being in such
close proximity to the redheaded Bookman made him want to kill something,
making the atmosphere anything but calm and peaceful. The exercise made him
work off the stress of the day, and by the time he returned at dawn, he was
tired enough to ignore his anger at his former lover and fall into a deep sleep
that for once carried no dreams.

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Mea Culpa