Cubus white

Title: Cubus white
Series: Reload
Pairings: Hazel/Sanzo, Gojyo/Sanzo
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: angst, BDSM (non-con, violence, submission, humiliation, sounding, torture, meatotomy, crossdressing, sissification)
Length: 39.432
Summary: Sanzo finds himself being the center of attention of two men, each with different intentions. He can choose, and he does so, only to find out that he never had a choice at all.

I had started writing it about 2 years ago, by now.
I hope I have managed to kill a great deal of the mistakes left from those times. (And as always, please excuse typos which still may hide there). It is still unbeta-ed, cause my master likes it that way.
As always, if that has not put you off, then please enjoy.

Cubus white
_____________


I pulled on the chains for the hundredth time already this…evening, this morning…I didn’t know anymore, I had lost my sense of time.
Clenching my teeth and tensing my fingers didn’t prevent the hand from sliding over my stomach which was already slick from sweat. My head jerked forth and I tried to form a hollow back to ease the pain which was practically coming from everywhere.
The chains clinked as I flinched another time, with awe feeling the hand moving towards my naked thighs, brushing over my bruised hips, circling my pelvic bones, then continuing downwards where these fingers, the tips of them dipped in coppery liquid, drops of red also covering the back of the hand, blood-spattered, rested on my irritated skin which caused me to feel a burning pain. I shifted my weight to rest on the other leg because it hurt too much to keep those muscles tensed and in addition to that bear the stinging touch of that hand.

I felt his hair touching my neck, he must have leaned closer while piercing my nipple with his long fingernails, almost looking like the claws of Youkai. Nothing had left my mouth at that, I was already too weak, too battered and broken than to open my mouth for something so mundane as an expression of my pain which was obvious. I needed my strength for something else than that, something which would only please him to hear.

“Sanzo-han…”

How much I hated this snake-like voice.This smarmy way of talking, that grovelling attitude although he was just the contrary; a rude, self-centered bastard who never seemed to suffer from any sting of remorse. Well, that sounded quite like me. This time I wasn’t the one being referred to as that, though.
How much I disgusted the breath which hit me when he whispered the ‘han’ with such a passion that I had to swallow so not to hiss in blind rage.

His silky hair, silver and white like the innocence he wore on the outside and spat on on the inside touched my neck again. He was rubbing his temple against mine, his mouth awfully close to mine while he began to talk again. His breath was sent into my mouth, I couldn’t close it anymore because I needed to pant to keep myself conscious. I shivered with disgust as I felt the breeze cruelly caressing my tongue.

“…how long’s it been…hah?”

I turned my head, or rather tried to turn my neck to get rid of that disgusting feeling he left when I felt his breath on my skin. But I just managed to turn my head in a slow way, the muscles hurt when I tensed and relaxed them, but I didn’t give up until my forehead was touching my upper arm.
My hands were chained, my arms lifted into the air, held in place by a heavy chain which went up to the ceiling. If I couldn’t keep myself up on my legs I’d disclocate my shoulders. Which I absolutely didn’t need right now, the pain I felt without that was excruciating enough.

Something like a hoarse growl passed my lips and I showed him with that that I didn’t care, didn’t give a damn and didn’t want to know about it. His hand began to move again, upwards until I could feel the tips of his fingers drawing lazy circles in my pubic hair.

It was dark around. There were only two candles lighting up a corner of this room. Now that I had turned my head I could look outside the window or the glass front, whatever it was…and it was dark there as well. A strained toneless moan escaped me when my cock was touched. I knew that it was just red, from the tip of it down to the pubes, covered in scratches and cuts, swollen and hard just day and night although it hurt so much. I could feel the end of the claw being shoved into the slit and I jerked forward by reflex and made it worse with that. A sharp pain, but also some weird bliss was the result of that move.

“Do you know, Sanzo-han?”

I clenched my teeth and felt my jaw aching; by now it hurt when I strained those muscles, because I had been doing that for hours before. My eyes fluttered as the claw was pushed in to the tip of the finger, a doubly terrible sensation now because of the thing in my urethra and the faint touch of the pad of his finger rubbing against my bell end. The muscles of my upper arms tensed up and for a second I meant to topple down; he had just pricked my balls with the ends of the claws. I closed my eyes and opened my mouth a bit more for a silent moan…and only air was sent into air without any sound.
With fear I realized that I wasn’t going to be able to bear that any longer; my legs hurt, and standing on the ball of my foot and my heel made me feel like I was standing on nails going from my heels up to my shins. Especially now that I was forced to carry my weight with the help of only one leg, I knew that I’d have to deal with another pain sooner or later.

My ass cheeks hurt as well from constantly tensing up, which was necessary to keep me on my feet, and that just worsened it.
I gasped, and tentatively bent down to see whether my arms could bear that, and they did, for now.
The beast behind me noticed that and laughed, quietly. He appeared in front of me where he sneered at me with his deep blue eyes. Then another look claimed his eyes, soft but so guileful, and he knelt down. Actually I should have been able to stand on my two legs again, but I couldn’t; my other leg on which his hand had been resting felt numb, like it had gone dead, I couldn’t even tense the muscles, I couldn’t do anything with it.

His hand gripped my shin above my heel, his other hand took the foot and my eyes went wide already as it dawned on me what he was about to do. The tricky thing was that I couldn’t draw back because I was standing on just this leg…
I looked down into a smiling face, perfect white teeth mocking me until he lowered his head again to take care of my foot.

An awful cracking sound was heard and I felt that something was somewhere where it didn’t belong to anymore. The second thing I felt, a heartbeat later, was pain. He had let go of my foot and I should have stood on it again, but it was sprained, which made it impossible for me to put my weight on it. Something moved, more pain and I fell down. For a short moment I fell, didn’t feel anything, but the next moment I felt my shoulders splitting, my arms were pulled backwards so that my ribcage was pressed forward and I screamed, loudly and long, to express that unbearable feeling though.

The pain didn’t fade. Whichever muscles I tried to tense to ease it, it didn’t work. My chest felt like it would burst and spill my guts on the floor, my shoulder blades were grinding against each other and my arms felt like being stretched on a stretching bank. I was howling with pain, trying to empty my head to feel nothing, but there was nothing which could have been suppressed or shoved away because there was nothing but that pain and distress.

Tears were trickling down my cheeks, I had given my best to hold them back but it was impossible at feeling this. Drops of that innocent transparency slowly slid over scratches, raw wounds, mingled with the blood and streamed down my face until they gathered at my chin where they fell down on the floor.
That creature was sitting in front me, cross-legged, his elbows resting on his thighs and his chin in his hands, his eyes peering upwards, focused on me. I didn’t know whether he was just staring at my cock or my face. And I didn’t want to know about it at all either.

“Will you change sides?”

I barely understood him, I couldn’t hear his words anymore, the loud humming in my ears keeping me from that. I only could tell what he had said because of his tone, it must have beent he eighth time he had asked me that same question already, and by now, I knew about the content of that melody. My answer would remain the same; I had replied to his first, second and third question, then I had stopped it and he had known that my answer hadn’t changed just because of that.

“I will ask you for the last time now, Sanzo-han, I’m not going to play and fool around with you any longer. I will take the gloves off and you are going to change sides this or the other way. Don’t you want to think about it for a second time? Please? I would like to keep you unharmed and healthy…”

I swallowed and tried to stand up on my left leg again, but it still didn’t work. I fell down again, the muscles of my arms cramping at that strain and I screamed again, this time not that loudly anymore because I was too exhausted and I couldn’t inhale much air because of the compression of my lungs.

“I see. And I regret to do this to you then but there is no other possibility then. I will have to kill you then…and revive you and you will stay with me.”

I closed my eyes at that and gasped, partially because of the pain and because of those words. Being aware that he actually could kill me every second now, I turned my head again under great pains and it just fell down on my chest. Cold, blue eyes stared into mine, it wasn’t even necessary to fight because from the beginning of this conversation on I had been the defeated man.

“It’s a pity. I will think about it, how it will proceed…”

With that he got up and sighed, then wiped the dust off his dark blue and white robes. I watched him stepping behind me, one moment later I could feel his hand on my stomach again, his other softly and carefully touching my shoulder blades.

“Sanzo-han…I will turn you into my slave…”

He stroked my belly and with growing fear I felt his touch on my bones decreasing in gentleness.

“You will lick my cock, jerk me off me evey morning and serve me”

His touch turned into a shove, he pressed his fingers against the spot between my shoulder blades and I cried out in deepest pain. After I had emptied my lungs I whimpered and panted to fill my lungs again. Tears were still running down my cheeks, I just couldn’t suppress them.
He left me, passed me and headed for the door, leaving me completely alone there. While walking there he turned around and waved my goodbye.

“Bye for now, Sanzo-han! Sleep well!”

The door went shut and I was alone. Left alone with my pain, tiredness, exhaustion and despair.
That man was going to kill me. If he said so he was, I knew him well and trusted him enough to do so. I wished I had been back in the inn. I wished I hadn’t said those words. I wished it hadn’t been necessary to slap me.
But I couldn’t change it anymore, I could just think about it…and regret it…

_______


We had booked one room, beds for three people, it was pretty crowded there.
Hakkai had immediately taken one together with Hakuryu, Gojyo had sprinted and taken the one in the middle and Goku had just gone through the door before me, so he had got the third bed. I had got the shit end of the stick.
I just fumbled for a cigarette and sat down on the table in front of the beds. Today had been another one of those days I wished I hadn’t lived through.

That Hazel had found us again, thrown himself on me yet again, just that he hadn’t groped me, that awful perv asshole.
While they had been occupied with playing some shitty game with Gato, Hazel had taken me aside, walked towards the forest and stopped there to be able to have a proper talk with me.

“Times are changing…aren’t they…Sanzo-han”

I tried to ignore him while taking a cigarette, putting it between my lips and lighting it. The next second I wanted to inhale the soothing hell I coughed and sent an angry look towards Hazel. He had taken the cigarette and now held it up in front of my eyes.

“You really shouldn’t smoke, very bad for your health.”

“I smoke because of my health, just bugger off, will you!”

“Oh my, no need to erupt like this, Sanzo-han,” he said in a taunting voice and quickly moved his hand when I reached for the cigarette.

“And shut the fuck up with your Sanzo-han, I’m not your ‘han’!!!”

Hazel raised an eyebrow and took a step back as I took one forward, reaching for the cigarette which was still slowly burning down again. That guy was such a waste of time.

“Oh what? I’m sorry, Sanzo-han…”

I clenched my teeth to save my face and calmed down, on the outside. Then I quickly moved my hand and put the cigarette back in place. I had always been able to catch the flies in my room at the temple. Not many had bothered me and survived a whole night.

“Oh you are quick, Sanzo-han…would you teach me about this?” he smiled. That concealing, false, distracting smile, turning one’s attention to something else than what one had been talking about before.
I took some steps forward to show him that I was joining the others again, but he clutched at my robe and didn’t let me go. The smile had disappeared.
I stared daggers at him, glaring at him in fury and disgust and I shoved his hand away. Hazel slightly turned his head to the side and gave me a wry look.

“Bad times for humans to side with demons…wouldn’t you say so, Sanzo-han…”

I closed my eyes, angered that he had come back to that subject again although I had hoped he had given it up in the meantime. My indifference about it only seemed to tease and tempt him.

“As good as any other time.”

“Are you sure? I guess your sense of danger is quite clouded, nah?”

“You aren’t to evaluate that.”

I inhaled and blew the smoke into his face. Of course I did that in a special way, tried to let it look like some accident…or coincidence. The man coughed and turned his head, blinking.

“Maybe I’m not…but you are not objective enough.”

“Says the one butchering every Youkai who crosses his path.”

“No…says the one cleansing the world from evil and sin.”

“And you say I lack objectivity.”

He closed his eyes and smiled. Either he began with a new topic now or he would remain silent, he certainly didn’t know anything to reply with. I took advantage of his current defeat, gave him another puff of smoke and passed him, heading for my beloved monsters.

“Sanzo-han!” he shouted after me but I didn’t turn around, “It will happen, be aware of this! And there won‘t be anyone to save you from them! You better leave them as long as you can!”

I had just made a face and told the others to leave.

Sitting there and thinking about it made me angry. There were so many things I could have said, I could have thrown into his face to just stop him from this stalking trip. That man was bothering me. In the beginning I had found it amusing that he cared so much about me, but meanwhile I thought I’d go mad the next time he’d show up.

Gojyo and Goku were fighting again over a fucking pillow. I just gave them a ‘Ch’ and turned my head. They didn’t even notice that, but Hakkai looked at me in amazement, surprised that I hadn’t used the fan yet.
They just weren’t worth it anymore.

While still thinking about that lunatic, a pillow hit my face. And with such a force that I fell back and hit the floor. For the first moments it was silent, very silent. Like no one dared to breathe or even twinkle because it might have produced a sound.
Then I was able to get air into my lungs again and I gasped while moving my hands in the air like some turtle which had been turned over on its shell. After some embarrassing moments I was able to get one hand down on the floor and I sat up, seeing stars dancing around in front of my eyes.

Now I heard some rustling and through my starry sky I saw red moving away from me and some mix of various brown tones moving as well. In another moment I was up and supported myself by gripping the edge of the table.

“You…,” I panted, “Fucking IDIOTS!!! GET OFF THAT BED!!!”

They just stared at me, maybe I had to be a bit more direct.

“I said,” in a mix of hissing and still panting because I was boiling with rage, “Get off the bed, I want to lie down”

“But we’ve been first! And you arrived last!”

My eyes narrowed, they’d have to bear the brunt of my anger and rage which had built up during the whole day.

“You don’t deserve them, I’m superior, I should be lying there.”

Those words made Gojyo sit up; he had lain down in the meantime, but now he was staring at me.

“I don’t believe it, you fucking bunch of idiots, I’m not going to watch any longer, let you get away with these things, you ought to obey and not put up your own rules!”

Gojyo was up in a second, next moment I saw him again he was gripping the collar of my robes, lifting me up a bit so that I had to stand on my toes. A shot of adrenaline made me hiss and growl, and I was just ready to beat the shit out of him…if he hadn’t started talking now.

“So you believe, little priest, that you are superior, yes? Believing the shit that crazy asshole has been repeating all the time? You’re a little bit brainwashed, aren’t you?”

“I’m NOTHING,” I hissed at him, gripping his hand now and digging my short nails into his skin, “I just failed to realize how many things are wrong!”

Gojyo licked his lips and moved closer so that we were nearly touching each other. I squirmed and another hiss escaped me while trying to get free.

“Yeah? You think you know what’s right, or true and wrong? I have my doubts…”

“Of course you have! Because it’s not boding well for you, shitty half-breed.”

“Sanzo!” Hakkai shouted in an indignant voice, but I didn’t pay any attention to him.
Gojyo shook me, which only provoked me some more, and I gripped his shirt and tore at it until I heard that ripping sound. The two of us looked down. I really had torn his shirt apart…but that didn’t prevent me from lifting my head and haughtily glaring at him. Gojyo looked up as well, a threatening look in his eyes. I could feel his breath on my skin, coming in fits, and I could feel the rage which accompanied it.

“You have to have your doubts, it would be cutting your own throat if not,” I hissed again and gripped his shoulder, now that I didn’t have anything to grip anymore except that.

“I’m not an animal without any reason, you fucking priest, I do understand.”

“No,” I sneered, “You’re not an animal without reason, you’re just a bastard, carrying an animal and a human being in you”

I could see him clenching his teeth, feeling his grip tightening on my collar, his exhalation now audible. His jaw moved, I thought his teeth were clattering, but he didn’t open his mouth to say anything.
Instead of that, I felt a change in the air, in the being itself; a strong aura building up in front of me. Gojyo snorted and all of a sudden I felt claws digging into my throat. He hadn’t changed his grip, but there was something pricking my skin.
He opened his mouth to pant, and I could see a row of long teeth; especially his canines caught my eye. His skin had
darkened and his smell had changed as well.

“I am proud of the animal inside me,” he hissed, even in a slightly different voice. Darker, rougher and shaky.

I snorted in disgust, then smirked to show him that I was unimpressed.

“I knew you’d be too weak than to bear this as the human being. Your muddy blood has taken over you, hah?”

A growl escaped him and he jerked forward, his mouth slightly opening but he drew back again. If I hadn’t known any better I’d have said he had tried to tear me apart between my head and chest.

“Aah, you see…the demon bastard has taken over you,” I sneered, eager to tease and provoke him, “You know the yellow-eyed people would have slaughtered you by now”

I felt a set of claws buried in my flank and I clenched my teeth and lifted my head a bit so not to disgrace myself in front of him by crying out in pain. He had never done anything like that before, never hurt me like that. As he moved them around in my flesh, I hissed and tensed up, my grip on his shoulder tightening as much as I was able to now.

“Gojyo!” I heard Hakkai’s voice again, concerned now.

“A sore spot, hah?” I contorted my face and tried to smirk as he shoved the claws in until his fingers were touching my skin, “I guess you’re just with me because…people would have already killed you…you’re Youkai, people don’t trust monsters these times anymore. You’d have got killed if you hadn’t sided with me, the priest Sanzo Hôshi Sama, who has to look after you fools because of three fucked up talking heads…”

A gasp escaped me though as he moved his hand down, leaving four very deep cuts in my flesh. But he didn’t pull his claws out.

“GOJYO!!”

I shuddered and lifted my other hand to grip the hand which was still holding me up.

“Oh…so true…,” I sneered again, “That’s it. You’re only hanging on my tail-coat because you can’t lead your lives on your own anymore, you’re dependent on me,” I hissed and waited for the effect of that.

Gojyo obviously didn’t know what to say anymore,so he just used his hands to hurt me instead of continuing that verbal fight. I felt his claws twitching in my flesh, and all of a sudden he clenched a fist, which meant that his nails cut through my flesh until they came to bloody light again. I screamed with pain, this time not able anymore to hold back. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on breathing calmly, but I was panting hard; dealing with that pain and staying conscious was some feat.

I quickly opened my eyes as I felt him touching my cheek, his bloody claws trailing over my forehead and eyelids and honestly, I was afraid he’d just push his claws in. While his nails were brushing over my lips I found the courage to talk again.

“Poor bastard…I wouldn’t like to be in your skin, for nothing in this world…you’re an endangered species, they’re hunting you…and only I can save you”

His claws quickly moved over my skin and left four stinging cuts behind. Fortunately, I was able to withstand the temptation of reaching up and clutching at my cheek. Gojyo growled, a rumbling sound which really sounded like the one of a lion. The pain was slowly weakening me, my grip on his shoulder loosened, but by no means I wanted him to realize that. After all I was human and couldn’t deal with things like these as well as he would have.

“Only I,” I smiled a weird smile, eager not to move my cheek too much because it stung like hell, “You should beg for your life if you want to survive another day…Sha…Gojyo”

That was enough to smash his pride. He contorted his face in blind anger, reached out and hit my chest. And he let go of me; I flew across the room, hit the wall with some awful noise and slumped down. After the first moments of deep shock I was able to feel and think again. My spine felt like it was shattered, my head felt like someone had quartered it with an axe.
I didn’t even move my head, I was lying on my hurt cheek, but I was weak enough to pass out. There was a noise, shouts, calls, cries, but I couldn’t turn my eyes to watch them anymore.

I coughed and spat blood, then I was forced to gag and I didn’t know whether that noise around me was because of me or because of something else. Again I coughed, then I finally passed out.


___________________


I woke up. Shortly after that, I wished I hadn’t.
Cold stone under me, coldness around me, cold metal covering my wrists. My body ached, everything. My muscles, my joints, my legs, chest, arms and head and my skin, it felt like Gojyo hadn’t just cut my cheek but everything. And I meant ‘everything’.
I moaned to show whoever was there that I was awake and that I wanted to die. But no one answered me. Fact was that I wasn’t in that room of the inn anymore; the floor hadn’t been that cold.

I jerked when I heard a noise coming from my left. It hurt.
Shortly after that a spot of white appeared in front of my eyes. It moved, and the next second I jerked again at seeing that face. A broad smile, hints of blue between cheeks and forehead and silvery hair.

“Nah, Sanzo-han, how are you?”

I turned my head in disgust and stared into the darkness. He was carrying a candle with him, the rest of the room was dark. He sat down in front of me and put the candle down on the floor.

“It’s a pity you didn’t act on my advice. Sooner or later it would happen, I told you, remember? And now see what they have done to you, that wouldn’t have been necessary if you had left them as I told you. That pretty body of yours…,” he reached forward and touched my chest and I tried to move backwards to save me from that shudder which ran down my spine as I felt his skin on mine.

“I won’t harm you, Sanzo-han, no need to be afraid of me. There are other more cruel creatures lurking outside than Hazel Grosse.”

I coughed and was terrified when I felt blood trickling down my chin.

“Oh no…just look what they have done…,” he lifted his hand and wiped the blood away, but he didn’t draw back. With those blood-smeared fingers he stroked my cheek and caressed my whole face.

“I guess…they broke some ribs…your thigh bone is broken too, and I don’t want to mention all these cuts and scratches…my poor Sanzo-han…what did they do to you…”

I couldn’t remember Gojyo breaking my leg. But who knows what they had done with me while I had been unconscious.
By the way, I had a strange feeling concerning certain things. It hurt pretty much to sit on my ass. Some feeling I hadn’t felt before. By realizing where the various kinds of pains were coming from, I could get an idea of my situation, whether I was standing or kneeling or sitting, where and what was involved.

Now I knew that I was handcuffed, but my hands were lying on my thighs, which hurt. The skin I touched just stung. Chains were connecting the cuffs with the wall, the chains were lying on my shoulders and weighing me down.
My legs were stretched out, the cold floor making them go numb. I was touching the wall with my back, it felt like needles were put into every millimeter of skin where I touched the stony wall. The back of my head was also touching the wall, and I felt that something was covering my neck. While swallowing, I could feel a hard and cold piece,maybe of metal, framing it.

I could barely concentrate on what he was saying, my mind broke apart every second anew and it felt like the whole ant population of that world was living in my head. He touched my cheek again, carefully and lovingly, and I turned my head again.

“Yes…you will need time…to get used to this, I know. I will try to make it as easy as possible for you. I will leave you alone now so that you can properly ‘arrive’.”

With that he got up and left me. And he had left the candle so I didn’t have to sit in darkness.
I wished I was back. I so wished I was back in the hotel and for god’s sake sleeping on the chair or even on the floor. Everything better than this. And I felt so sorry for what I had said to Gojyo; how gravely I had insulted them and that because of a man like that. I had spat on them for a man who didn’t know what the word ‘sanity’ would have meant.

I felt tears trickling down my sore cheeks…I wanted to go back, to return to them, fall down on my knees and tell them how sorry I was. What would I have given to be able to stand up and walk away.

_____


Thinking about that now let me despair, even more than I already had.
That man had been torturing me for days; I guess it was days; leaving me alone in the darkness, coming, teasing my mind, weakening my body, leaving me alone again.

I doubted that they’d come and save me, not after what I had said and revealed. And they were right, I couldn’t expect them to come and save that fucked up priest.
If I had a chance, if I had had a chance to go back in time I’d have lain down on the floor in front of Gojyo’s bed. I’d have warmed the carpet so that he wouldn’t have felt cold when he’d have stepped out of the bed in the morning. I’d have…

I gasped again when the pain in my back got unbearable. Actually, it had been unbearable for the whole time, but now I felt so desperate and torn that I even tried to hold my breath to suffocate. Of course it didn’t work, the only effect left was a light-headed feeling and a bitter taste in the back of my mouth.
After another minute I fainted anyway.


_________________


“He has taken him with him, hasn’t he?”
The redhead kept pressing the cloth against his flank, from time to time looking down to check whether he didn’t bleed to death without his knowledge.
The boy was sitting right next to him, holding a sack with crushed ice against his front, still contorting his face and the healer was sitting next to Gojyo, still gagging and rubbing his neck.

“Yeah,” he finally managed to gasp.

Gojyo sighed and stared down at his hand which was lying on his thigh. And he closed his eyes and turned his head.

“We…should have backed him up.”

There was a pause. Gojyo shifted to adjust the cloth to his wound; he took it away to take a look at it, then pressed it against the still bleeding flesh again.

“I’ll…take care of you in a…minute, Gojyo, hold on,” Hakkai gasped, blinking, and panting hard.

“It’s alright, don’t worry. Man, that goddamn piece of a rock…he’s worse than Sanzo! Shooting around but not just for the fuck of it, he‘d have killed me…”

“Uhuh,” Goku added emphatically, dazed with pain and tiredness.

“But what I’d like to know is why hadn’t he killed us…”

“Cause…ah…,” Hakkai tried, but stopped.

“Because he wants us to suffer. That’s worse than death, sure. That crazy guy knows exactly that we’re not going to turn mad…”

“Mmh,” Goku hummed and leaned against Gojyo’s shoulder.

“I think I…overdid things. That fucking asshole was just waiting for something like that and I had been so stupid as to dance to his tune just like Sanzo. I have hurt him, haven’t I.”

Hakkai was lying on the bed, holding his chest and still coughing.

“Yeah…pretty…gravely…”

Gojyo took a look at the cloth again but kept it pressed against the wound.

“That bitchy prick means nothing but trouble.”

“Uhyeah”

Gojyo snorted and turned his head to look at Goku who had closed his eyes and seemed like having fallen asleep.

“Oh you don’t have to ‘uhuh’ around, you mean a different kind of trouble, monkey face”

Goku just sighed and rubbed his head against Gojyo’s shoulder. And Gojyo turned his head again, knowing that Goku was longing for Sanzo.
And if he was honest he was too.

__________________


The door was opened again and I tried to turn my head because the light which was shining through the slit was blinding me. A tall man entered, I knew him. He had long black hair, calm brown eyes and he never talked. His skin was darker than Gojyo’s, he had a craggy face, his cheek bones clearly visible, a fine line dividing his face. He walked towards me and knelt down in front of me. I knew about his moves, his kind of touch; it was soft and soothing.
His warm hand closed around my ribcage, I was so slender that he was able to grip it without any problems. The cuffs were taken away from my wrists and I screamed with pain, my arms falling down, the loose bones painfully moving and I thought I’d pass out again.

My knees gave way again but he held me tightly so that I didn’t fall down. He kept my chest pressed against his with one of his hands, with the other he gripped my ass, but just to keep me up.
I could hear his calm breath, my head had come to lie on his shoulder, and I could feel the agreeable warmth his body radiated.
He carried me out of this room into the light and I had to tightly shut my eyes to be able to stand that. We passed two doors before he opened another one.

Hot steam surrounded me, the air was moist and warm, just the kind I needed to get back to life again, at least mentally. He took some steps with me still on his arms, then he bent down and I jerked when I felt water touching my ass. But he lowered his arms until I was fully covered with hot nice-smelling water. He drew back then and straightened his back.
I was glad that he had positioned me there in a way so that I couldn’t slide down and drown; I wouldn’t have been able to haul myself up with these numb arms.

Speaking of which, I felt him pressing his hands against my back so that I jerked and quickly sat up to move away from the painful touch, but he gripped my shoulder, a quick but forceful shove and my arm was set again. I meant to choke while feeling the pain which accompanied that. He repeated that action and after that, my bones were there where they belonged to again.
I was panting and sweating, because of the hot water but also because of the intense pain, and I was just about to fall over and plunge through the surface when he put a hand on my back and one on my chest and with that forced me to lean back against the wall of the bath tub.

As I opened my eyes I could see his face, finally clearly because I had never had the chance to stare at it like that in the darkness and dim light of the candles.
It was blank and unexpressive, but his eyes held something though…I didn’t know what. Now I realized that the hot water was not the best cure for my wounds; it stung and felt like fire burning my flesh, and it didn’t seem like it would stop soon. Irrespective of any more pain I closed my eyes then, I was too tired than to bother about anything anymore. And I just opened them again when I heard a dull noise.

A side glance told me that the man had sat down in front of the tub. His head was bent and slightly turned to the side. Did he sit there because he had to watch me so that I couldn’t stand up and escape? If so then it was pungent sarcasm; I couldn’t even keep myself above the surface on my own, so how should I have fled from there then.
After some moments I had the feeling I knew why he was sitting there. There was something we shared, not this slavery which kept him and me bound to the blue-eyed devil and not the bruises and scars which covered his body as well as mine. But rather something spiritual.

I felt the magic flowing in his veins just like the magic flew in my veins, although it was of a different kind. That magic which kept him going, which consoled him and which gave him hope. And my magic which tore me down, which reminded me of my destiny and past.
Suddenly a deep and low sound filled the room and I needed one minute to spot it coming from the man. He was chanting…in a strange, foreign language…but the way he produced those sounds fascinated me.

And I had never heard him talking, not saying one single word all the time, and now he sung for me. It was also a strange melody, carrying one to foreign lands if one allowed it to do so.
I knew that he sung for him and for me. I was meant to hear it, to feel like being part of it. And I closed my eyes again and let it take over my mind.
He was talking to me, he didn’t speak my language but I could see the pictures, the scenery, the lands of the free. I could feel it, deep in my convulsing body, in my tortured heart, in my aching mind…what he wanted to tell me couldn’t be told in my language.

The chant suddenly stopped as a door was opened. The atmosphere faded immediately, there was this dark- and coldness again and nothing was left of these minutes of warmth and light anymore. The man got up, shot me a glance and left the room.
The devil had entered.
I didn’t realize him coming closer because I was thinking about this look, like he was screaming for help, begging to be freed from this poor body, begging to be able to return. I wanted to return as well.

Blue eyes peered over the edge of the tub and I turned my head, sick of that sight.

“Oh Sanzo-han, don’t turn your head away, you know, that is very disrespectful.”

I loved Hakkai. Compared to that thing I loved him. And I’d have opened my mouth to tell him about some things if I had been able to.

“All I want to hear is a ‘Yes’…and nothing more…”

His finger appeared above the edge and he touched the surface of the water with the tips. The colour of his skin kind of fascinated me, it was a paleness similar to mine but it looked different. While mine went towards ‘cream‘, his had a touch of light rose. He made circling moves, parting the water with his fingers, and suddenly he was touching my shoulder, brushing over the scratches there. I tried to move away, knowing that currently, I was still very vulnerable because of the recently cured dislocation.

“Sh,” he whispered, intending to calm me down with that, but the fuck I did what he wanted me to do.

“Just a ’Yes’,” he repeated and gripped my shoulder, which made me flinch and cry out. After the first shock I closed my eyes and sighed, something which already sounded like a sob. Now I knew about his methods of convincing me of joining him.
But either I was going to die from his torture or…I could escape. As he pressed his hand against my shoulder blade to make me sit up I immediately complied to not worsen my situation. It still hurt, but certainly less than if I’d have let him push me forward.

His fingers left my body, but only shortly, he reached down and lifted his hands again.
Cold metal was framing my neck again; as I looked down I could see a heavy chain going from my neck to his hand and I lifted my head to stare at him with questioning eyes. The bastard just smiled.

“Enough of the bathing for today.”

He violently pulled on the chain and I jerked forward, but he had other things in mind. He got up and I had to follow him. Or I rather should have got up. One of my legs was numb and the ankle of the other was sprained, so take a wild guess what happened.
I was hauled up, nearly choked on the collar, and I was pulled over the edge of the tub so that I hit the floor with my head. My legs followed and I wailed again as my bad leg hit the floor. The man smiled and still tugged at the other end of the chain so that I was pulled across the floor, dripping wet, my lungs contracting because of the quick change of hot and cold and my bruised stomach, thighs and cock rubbing against the floor.

Those were some of the most humiliating minutes of my life; I had never experienced something like that up to then. I left the bathroom, the floor changed and I was dragged along behind him. I could see him having difficulties in walking while pulling me along, but he didn’t give up. That floor consisted of stones, ice cold despite the summer outside this hell. It took my breath away, the coldness causing me goosebumps and the breeze which kept whistling through the corridors let me shiver.

Yeah…I’d rather die before I’d be able to escape.

“Aah…Sanzo-han, don’t give me such a rough time,” he gasped while he was trying to pull me up the stairs.

My head had hit the stones, he hadn’t told me that he was going or planning to climb the stairs in front of us so I hadn’t had an idea of what was waiting in front of me. He had started to complain after he had managed to pull my body over three stairs, then I had been too weak than to move my arms anymore. But he kept pulling like mad, nearly choking me again and just when I made those protesting, short sounds he stopped and turned around. He sighed and leaned against the wall to his right.

“Can Wakan!!” he shouted and made an annoyed face.

The breeze in that tower was stronger and I already felt my thighs twitching. Soon, my other limbs would start twitching as well because of the creeping coldness.
I was lying there for some minutes until I heard someone coming closer, but I couldn’t turn around, I had gone rigid because of the pain and cold.

I was lifted up by those soft arms again, and so I knew now who Can Wakan was. The man climbed the stairs and carried me to a room, Hazel following him.
After pushing open a door he entered and all I saw was a bed, a window and a table. But not just a table, a table with various instruments on it.
I unwillingly clutched at the mans chest at that sight, trying to curl up there in his arms. But with that, I just received a disturbed look. Moments later I was put down on the bed, the cuffs which were closed round my wrists and legs were not really necessary because I couldn’t have moved anyway.

Hazel sountered towards me, a wicked grin letting me know about the link of these instruments to my host. First of all I felt embarrassed, my thighs were still twitching and I was shivering all over my body. Not that I hadn’t been embarrassed before when he had groped my cock. But now it was slightly worse.
He stopped in front of the bed and smirked at me so I turned my head away.

“Sanzo-han…will you change sides?”

I was already sick of that question. And I’d still rather die than become his goddamn lapdog. Taking all the air left in my lungs I gave him a ‘Ch’ and panted when feeling my lungs hurting terribly.
He didn’t say anything anymore, just turned and went to the table, picked up some things and came back with them.
Somehow, lying there felt so good, I was so tired and spent so that I appreciated that very much, but, on the other hand, I knew that he wouldn’t just let me fall asleep. And I was assured of that when he gripped my limp cock. Of course I twitched and had to concentrate hard to not open my mouth to moan…no matter who touched my cock, whether it was this sick fucker or someone else…

He turned around and spent some time working on things on the bedside table. When he faced me again he held a little syringe in his hand. I raised my eyebrow, still cocky and courageous enough as to cover my fear. When he put the tip of the syringe into my cock the haughty look was wiped off my face immediately and I clenched my teeth to not show him how frightened I actually was. I felt something being injected then, the syringe was taken out and he turned around again.
I didn’t really understand what he was planning to do…

Again he turned around, this time with a small bottle. He held it over my cock and squeezed so that liquid dripped on the tip of my cock. Then he put the bottle away and turned around to take another thing.
I had never seen something like that before, and I didn’t exactly know what he was going to do with it, so I was not afraid of it like I should have been if I had known.

“Oh…quick before it gets hard,” he sung, turned the piece of metal around in his hand and shot me a quick glance. I had lifted my head to watch him, but if he didn’t hurry up I was going to be forced to lie down again, I was too weak than to keep my head up like that for longer.
My indifferent and questioning gaze let him put on a disappointed face.

“Don’t you know what that is?”

As I didn’t show any reaction he smirked, let go of my cock and moved closer, lifting his hand holding the piece of metal.
Not even now I knew what it was about, because as I said, I had never seen something like that before.

“It can be a real pleasure…for you…and me…but I don’t want to spoil your surprise then, just lean back and watch.”

That sarcasm was making me sick.
He gripped my cock again and shortly after that I felt something weird. I had lain down again because my neck had started to be a pain in the ass, but this forced me to lift it again.

As I saw the piece of metal, as I saw where it ended and as I saw where it was put in I couldn’t hold back a cry of terror. And I immediately tried to move back, away, I tried to sit up and kick him, I tried to get rid of the cuffs around my wrists and I tried this all at once.
He just furrowed his brow at that and a weary smile was playing on his lips.

“Sanzo-han...careful, you are going to hurt yourself if you keep bouncing around like that…”

Anyway, I couldn’t move much because the chains were very tight, and I realized with terror that I was not able to lift my arms even a little. And I did not have more than a few centimetres forth and back because he had chained me in a way so that my body was stretched.

I immediately stopped moving when I felt it sliding down. I wanted to die, to run away, to cut it off, the whole thing for god’s sake. I could watch it still sliding in; about half of the thing was already buried in my cock. But it grew thicker at the end and suddenly I felt my urethra painfully stretched, which let me jerk and break out into that mix of tearing and pushing again.

It was so gross to watch, never in my life I’d have thought about…that. In addition to the normal gross factor, some white liquid was gushing out of my cock; the more the metal slid in, the more of it came to light.
And he was still grinning like mad. Another push, and it was completely buried in my cock. I had cried out and shut my eyes at that. It just felt so weird.
He licked his lips and peered at me, sheepishly, and I knew that he wasn’t done yet.

“How does it feel?” he purred and pressed his palm against the end of the sound so that I felt it stabbing my…something. I jerked up into air, a sudden explosion of bliss killing my mind and making me cry out in ecstasy. When I touched the sheets with my back again I stared at the ceiling with wide eyes, deeply flushed cheeks and the thoughts that it wasn’t supposed to be like this. Not at all.
He laughed and with awe I watched him reaching down and touching the bulge in his pants.

But he was not the only one whose focus was on his crotch at that time. I was hard now as well, oddly turned on by that, and I cursed him. I opened my mouth to swear and curse him with everything which came to my mind, from the sick bastard to the retarded madman, and he just listened to my tirade with a smile. Just when I called him an insane sick fuck I felt the metal touching that sensitive spot of skin again and I bucked, pressing my head against the pillow, tears already running down my cheeks.
That despair, bliss and pain was something which totally disturbed me. Because never before I had felt that way, never before I had considered that combination as highly erotic.
If I had considered anything as erotic at all.

“It’s a French 24.“

He leaned closer while shoving in the metal again, and while I was busy with arching up he touched my cheek with his mouth and licked over it. But currently, I was just too stressed than to move away.

“I am used to thirties…”

I didn’t have the faintest clue what he was talking about. But anyway, I did barely register his words through that haze of wicked arousal and desperation.

“I can make you stand thirties too, Sanzo-han…”

I was panting hard now, feeling light-headed and ready to pass out right there and then. And gods I was hard…the harder I got, the more it ached, the thing in my urethra finishing me off. But there was more to come.
After whispering that he turned away and left the room. That gave me some time to properly inspect the thing and…things. Never in my life I’d have admitted that it felt something close to ‘great‘.
My cock was lying on my thigh, a string connecting the end of the sound with a little weight; I suppose it was there to prevent the metal from sliding in any further.

I licked my lips and tried to appear as as non-aroused as I currently could just when I heard him entering the room again. A side glance told me that he was carrying another little…something. When he put it on the bedside table I was able to take a closer look at it, but which didn’t help me at all to identify that thing.
My attention was violently drawn to my ass then; he was desperately trying to push something in, which, of course, didn’t work because it was too big. But never mind, after some minutes of adjusting and working around he gave it a shove and I cried out in pain. It was much too big, which resulted in a stinging pain coming from the ring of muscles.

Something clicked, the sound together with my cock was lifted again and something clicked there as well. When I felt strong enough to lift my head for another time I could see red wires going from the flat end of the piece of metal down, disappearing under my balls.
He moved closer again, even sat down beside me and stared at me, observing every little motion and gaze I wasn’t able to hide. Then he leaned down and whispered.

“Actually…you’re to clean one’s ass and cock before doing something like that,” I could hear the smirk, “But I think it’s of no use in your case. The chances of catching an infection are 30 to 70...almost 10 to 90 to catch something very painful, if it isn’t done properly…and correctly…”

I felt a cold shudder running down my spine as he told me about my destiny, and I felt close to an outburst of anger at that. Of course I’d fall ill, he’d make sure I would.
He sighed in happiness and got up, put the wires into the device and then I heard him turning a switch. He looked back at me, and as I didn’t change my gaze but just looked at him as well he smirked and turned the switch again.

A lusty scream escaped me when I felt it, and more followed with the increasing intensity of the pulses. While panting hard I pulled on the chains again, I felt the need to curl up and move around but the chains kept me in place so I just tensed up to the point where I could feel my muscles aching.
Short electrical pulses were teasing my prostate, my ass feeling like an entire anthill and I couldn’t really tell whether it was bliss or pain I felt coming from ym crotch.

What I knew was that I was so aroused that I was constantly moaning and gasping; those pulses were just too much for me than to remain silent and calm anymore. Another quick move and I felt the pulses getting more intense until I was constantly shouting, sounding like one single scream of pleasure and pain at the same time. Although the chains held me down quite well I moved around, restlessly looking for a position where it didn’t hurt so much and where I’d get more of that pain though.

I felt him breathing against my cheek again, breathing lust and gleefulness.
“Watch out…I’d suggest you don’t cum with that sound in your,” he nuzzled my cheek with the tip of his nose and I gave my best to hold still, “…urethra…”

The second he drew back I moved my head to beg for more…although I despised nothing more than this. My body backstabbing me so cruelly, my senses giving in to that subtle torture and my mind not minding anymore. But he noticed that fight and decided to help me, help the party which was more likable. And in this case it was my body, more than my reason.
He bent down and kissed me, drowned and choked my cries and shrieks and benumbed me. Through that overkill of pleasant thrills and feelings I felt something elese, something deeper than that superficial stuff.

His warm tongue gently moved over mine, carefully caressing it while I would have thought he’d kiss me until I’d be bleeding like a pig. While he caught my attention with that kiss I nearly missed his other touch. He was rubbing the tip of my cock with his thumb.
After 5 seconds I had to break the kiss and throw my head back, it had become so unbearable that I was threatened to come though. He just smiled and drank the screams from my lips, gently sucking them and adding more pressure to the touch on my glans.

Tears were still trickling down my face; they mingled with sweat and disappeared in my hair. He gently brushed over my forehead, touching my hair and caressing my scalp while he still licked over my lips.
I whimpered again when another wave of that intense bliss washed over me from my crotch up to my stomach and chest where it let my nipples prickle even more. While moaning ecstatically I drew back and turned my head to show him that I couldn’t stand more of his attacks without finally coming.

He straightened his back and fondled my cheek, then he turned around to take the device. He turned it off, the electrical pulses stopped immediately and I sighed with relief. The electrodes were taken away from the sound and the plug, and after that he tried to pull out the anal electrode, which of course didn’t work because it still was too big for my virgin ass. His face appeared over mine again and he looked at me with reproaching eyes. I stared back with reluctant and accusing ones.

Another pull let me arch up again and contort my face in pain. After that I wasn’t able to stare at him in reluctance anymore. And after four more attempts he finally held it in his hand and I was wailing with pain and agony.
He put it down on the floor and wiped over my ass with some towel. He turned a bit to face me.

“I have never done this…but I have always wanted to know what doing this would feel like. Maybe you can tell me then, Sanzo-han?”

“Tell…what…?” I managed to pant while concentrating on not coming.

“You shouldn’t pull it out when you’re hard. Let’s see whether they are right,” he smiled and gripped the end of the sound with his unwashed hands, which finally totally grossed me out.

“Maybe you get a broken dick? Who knows…”

By no means I wanted to get a ‘broken dick‘. So I bucked again and tried to free my cock and the piece of metal from his grip but he didn’t give in. He started pulling on it now, and I could feel the metal leaving that spot and wandering up my urethra. Which hurt like hell because there was not enough space for the crook of the sound, and just the fact that I was hard made it difficult to get the crook out of it. Twisted bastard that he was he stopped in the middle of the procedure and let me scream and properly writhe in pain while I could feel the tip of the sound digging into my urethra.
By the time he had pulled it out I felt so spent and exhausted that I could barely breathe anymore.

And I thought I’d die…the pain was so intense that I thought my dick was really broken. I could only gasp and swallow air. Before I was able to wail again he put his hand on my mouth so that I couldn’t scream. With his other hand he touched and squeezed my cock, then he smiled at me and told me that fortunately, my dick was not broken.
Too bad.
His hand left my mouth and I groaned, still hard as a rock from the pain and the feeling which pulling out that sound had left. It had felt like cumming, and now I felt a strong urge to touch my cock and masturbate. That devil actually had combined a lot of things, it wasn’t just about sounding.

He disappeared in the bathroom for some minutes and when he came back he sat down next to me again. I was so hard now that it hurt. And he knew about that.

“Sanzo-han…everything alright with you?”

I was still busy with breathing and not fainting, so I couldn’t reply to that taunting comment.
He reached behind him and lightly touched the tip of my cock again, teasing my mind and body with that.

“Please,” I breathed. I was so fucked up, so close to drowning that I was already begging.

“Please what?” he smiled and pretended to not have a clue.

I threw my head around and once again tried to get my hands down to my crotch, but it didn’t work. That little move had completely drained me; I didn’t have any strength left so I gave up the tension on my body and went slack.

“Please…”

I almost sobbed, close to tears again because of that humiliation and my helplessness. Then I moved my hips, something which I hadn’t intended to do but it just had happened, I was so desperate that I was looking for anything, no matter what, which could relieve that tension.

“Oh, this please.”

I swallowed and turned my head to hide my red cheeks, but he saw it anyway. I felt him leaning over me so I turned my head again, and I stared straight into his eyes, the blue immediately hypnotizing me.

“Only if you do me a favour…”

Then he kissed my cheek and grabbed the seam of his robes. I followed that move with ym eyes and clenched my teeth when I believed to know what he was referring to when talking about that ‘favour‘.

“Never”, I spat out already and and pressed my lips together to hold back the ‘YES, PLEASE’.

“What a pity…I think I have to break the rule then and force you into it? Does that sound good?”

Of course it did.
He sat up and while kneeling over me he unbuttoned his robe, and when I saw what he was wearing under that I gasped.
Because it wasn’t much.
And what was waiting down there let me gasp even more and press my head into the pillow in sheer disturbance. I gazed at it with a distraught expression.

“So you like it?” he smiled and cupped my chin. Still with his unwashed hands. I turned away in disgust at what I saw and felt, but he gripped my chin and forced me to look at it. Finally, I was ready to just come and throw up, right into his face, right into what was smiling into ym face there.

“It feels great, I can just recommend that after I have been able to convince you of that kind of play.”

That mad smile together with the disturbing picture was putting me off. Disgust so deep and intense that I had to gag paralyzed me and I couldn’t even move when he leaned down to kiss me.

“I think it’s enough for today.”

With that he drew back, got off the bed and put his robe on. Then he put several things on the bed, but I was too distressed and tired already than to move my head for another time. Soon, I found out that he was just cleaning my ass and cock. Maybe he didn’t want me to catch an infection though.
After cleaning my cock he took the things and left the room without any more words.

All I wanted was having the strength to stand up and leave. All I wanted was a coffee for god’s sake in a dirty cup, cookies in a little bowl beside that cup, and someone else sitting beside me.
Instead I had to lie there, everything possible aching, blood and semen welling from my cock and ass, and a shattered mind.
All I wanted was…just to feel…just to touch…just to see…


_____________________

He was sitting on the window sill, someone’s former favourite place. And he was holding a clean cup with coffee inside, a cigarette in his other hand.
His eyes were closed like he was sleeping, but he wasn’t. He had closed them to escape that world and not be constantly reminded of that, of the facts, irreversible.
How much he was longing for that sight, just to feel him making his presence worth breathing, just to touch the cigarette smoke he left, if he couldn’t touch anything else of him, just to see him shining in a light he certainly wasn’t aware of.

Another man entered and carefully asked him whether he was alright and whether he was in a need of anything he could bring or buy him.
He just answered that what he was in need of couldn’t be bought nor brought to him.
The other cast his eyes down, turned around and left the room. He closed his eyes again and continued to sip his coffee which had already got cold.
After another minute he whispered something, then fell back into his silent worry and grief.


_________________


When I regained consciousness it was dark. I was still lying on a bed, but I couldn’t feel the metal round my wrists anymore, so I thought I wasn’t tied up anymore. I could have made sure I wasn’t by just moving my arms, but the problem was that I couldn’t move.
After another minute of introspection I realized that I was lying on my side, my left arm somewhere down and my right hand in front of me, lying on the sheets. When my brain had registered that I was awake I flinched, being forced to live through my nightmares of this night again. It was then when I decided to not ever wish to see that man naked again.

“Sanzo-han…”

I jerked, as much as possible, and concentrated on not fainting from the shock. It had been said close to my ear; he must have been lying behind me. So I didn’t dare try turn around and I wished I hadn’t jerked because I could have pretended being asleep then.
To my surprise it remained silent then, no more words, no touches, no moves. I began to doubt whether he had said anything at all…until I jerked for another time. A twinge from somewhere down there let me flinch and open my mouth in silence.

I needed some time to assign that pain to the affected spot, but then I knew that it was coming from my cock. Nothing similar to before when he had done that with me; it felt like a bee sting, pulsating and warm, not to say hot. And I couldn’t look down to check that, I couldn’t do anything.
Suddenly I felt tears running down my cheeks. That situation was just disturbing me. And it finally made me aware of the hopelessness again. I wanted to return home…if I still had a home at all. Actually I had no right to call it ‘home’ anymore. I couldn’t expect that from them after that scene.

I was close to the point where I was about to accept that, to accept that I was his now and had to walk through the world history with the devil. I could have had a god walking next to me but I chose the devil.

________________

He flicked ash from the end of the seventh cigarette that hour while he was drowning himself in alcohol. It didn’t happen that often and he wouldn’t have said he was an alcoholic. But people who never had the courage to take a bottle and admit that they were going to drink now to forget once in a while would not have admitted being alcoholics either.

His pants and top were wet and still getting more soaked. He was grateful for the darkness in which he was staying for now, for the time of the night as well as for the state in which he currently was.
Feeling the spot aching again, he shifted to feel more of it. He wouldn’t have said that he was a bit deranged either.
The pain became so intense that he gripped the bottle and nearly broke it. He hissed, thinking about the reason for choosing that spot. He felt it stinging and it felt warm. And it felt like the vessel close to that spot had swollen to its double size, he could feel it pulsing steadily.

After another pulsing wave of pain and heat he reached up and carefully touched the metallic ring which went through his lip. The result was more pain and he turned his head to escape his own touch. He’d change it as soon as it was healed…to some ring with a little violet ball. For now he had to wear the silvery one.
Just like his moons…they had peered at him shortly before he had hit him. When he recalled that look now he became aware of its real meaning, of the meaning he had just missed.

The blond had been begging. Behind the surface of these angry eyes; he had been crying for something else. For the redhead to show him that he was to stay with them. For a shout which told him that his place was in this group, and not somewhere out of it.
And all he had done had been showing him that he rejected him. That he wanted him to leave the group and stay with the other fucker. Maybe he was even enjoying himself there, maybe he liked it very much there. With the silent rock and the madman also known as the ‘priest‘.

Now that he thought about it, or rather tried to think about it in an as rational way as possible in his drunkenness, he would have known so many words, so many phrases which maybe could have made him stay. But he couldn’t tell him anymore. There certainly were some which the blond would have wished to never have heard, but if at all though, then only deep inside he would have admitted being glad having heard them.
If he just could have touched him once again.

________________


I buried my head in the pillow when a wave of pain flooded my brain. I knew that kind of headache. It just turned up every time I was distressed.
It was impossible to fall asleep now with that additional pain, and really, I remained awake for the rest of the night until I noticed it slightly brightening up.

The door was opened and someone stepped in. I was turned on my belly and I immediately knew who it was. The devil with the cloven dick. Now he took my own dick and I hissed, feeling a sharp pain coming from there again. He spent some time looking at it, then he came closer and faced me. Of course, with that fucking smile.

“Good morning, Sanzo-han. How did you sleep?”

I stared daggers at him, I was still able to do so…while days later I would not be able to do that anymore.

“Your cock is doing well too,” after another glance at my cock he turned his head again to look at me with a disturbed smile, “Or…at least as well as it can.”

I tried to sit up and smack him…but I couldn’t, I was too weak and tired and everything hurt. But he noticed my attempts and smiled at me while brushing over my cheek.

“No need to worry, Sanzo-han. You will still be able to fuck me.”

I couldn’t sit up, right. But I could do something else. I turned my head and just spat at him, and much to my pleasure it hit him right in the face.
He didn’t bat an eye. His tongue darted out to lick it off which made me turn away in disgust. And I was furious that it didn’t show the desired effect of upsetting him.

“Time for punishment,” he sneered, turned around and left the room.
And before I was able to think about it he had come back and chained me. My hands were connected by a heavy chain just in front of my belly; I still could move them around. Also, a chain was dangling from the necklace I was forced to wear again.
He took the chain and tore on it until I fell off the bed. I protested, but he silently dragged me along behind him, heading for the big door which was always covered by some velvet curtain.

He pushed the curtain aside and opened the glass door. And I immediately tensed up, feeling the cold breeze coming from outside. After snorting in amusement he stepped outside, dragging me with him, and I could watch him attaching the end of the chain to some heavy looking iron ring on the wall. I didn’t complain much anymore, I didn’t even realize what that meant for me because I was shivering from the cold. An autumnal night; the dead leaves were already falling down from the trees.

He bent down, kissed my forehead and left the balcony. It was a castle he was residing in, and the room in which I had woken up was on the first floor, so about seven meters separated me from the floor. Anyway, the chain wasn’t even long enough to let me walk to the other end of the balcony with the balustrade.
I forced my head to turn to get an idea of where I was. The floor was made of stone, the wall was made of stone except the glass door, and the balustrade was made of stone. Not much to discover.

A passionate moan escaped me when I felt my cock aching. Aching in a very bad way. It had shrivelled due to the coldness around me, and that wasn’t very conducive to the wounds on and holes in my cock. Another not so passionate moan left my lips again when I felt my muscles starting to twitch. I was already suffering from heart palpitations next to cramps concerning my lungs so that I wasn’t able to breathe anymore.

I huddled up to the wall as well as possible, first flinching when feeling the coldness the stones also radiated, but it was a bit less unbearable when I formed a little ball there, skin touching still slightly warm skin.
My mind drifted off, I forced it to do so because otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to stand that coldness. And I certainly wasn’t going to beg him to let me in again. I’d freeze to death before doing this. And he wouldn’t just let me freeze to death because he needed me.

I remembered touching skin…other skin than mine. I remembered touching softer skin than that of my lacerated thighs…touching darker skin than mine. Rough skin, not as smooth as mine…kissed by the sun and keeping hillocks and wrinkles to explore…the way skin should be…
Feeling warm to the touch…the hair of these arms setting against the touch when being stroked against the fur…blond but a touch of red shining in them, barely visible but palpable.

Then the other kind of resistance some way down there, shins and calves bidding defiance with their own kind of methods, tousled but long, thick reddish brown hair keeping softer skin from touching it…and in the middle of these two a copse of brown but shiny red attracting one’s attention, catching one’s eye and inviting one to take a long satisfying look at it. Like a desert with a scrubby spot with an oasis supplying the plants with energy through crystal clear water.

I was smiling at these associations; they helped me to remain warm on the inside.
At some other time I wouldn’t have dared to think this way, to use these words to describe a man’s body hair and pubes…but there was no one to listen to my thoughts, no one who would ask me what I was thinking about when I made such a face. And I was alone…forsaken. They had given me up.
I wailed, despite my warming memories, at another cramp keeping me from breathing. I was prone to fall ill there…no matter whether I was going to stay there for the whole day or just for another hour.


_____

I spent the whole day there, a continual change of madness and pain straining my mind.
In the middle of the night I noticed the door being opened, and I saw legs appearing in front of me.
I was cowering there, my arms between my thighs and chest, my head bent down; I was sitting on the cold stone because I was too weak than to keep myself on my feet any longer.
As the warm hand touched my shoulder I looked up, panting, benumbed from the cold to an extent where my brain ceased to work as well, and I saw red…I saw the one I wished to see there, although I knew that it was the devil. I stared into colourless though from time to time violet eyes, the blue and red mixing and creating a shining purple.

I felt my hand being gripped and he intended to pull me up, but I couldn’t move my legs nor could I move at all. After some moments I was pulled across the room; he had grabbed my wrists and just pulled so that I had fallen forward.
A candle lit the room again, and in the weak candlelight I could see the blue of his robe shimmering, leaving a trail of bluish violet as he came closer.
He broke my icy defence and pressed his forefinger against my neck, and after some seconds he removed it and I could watch him scratching my skin. I couldn’t feel him doing so at all.

As he realized that I couldn’t feel it he turned around and left the room. I was left alone yet again, left in my pain and despair. I curled up as well as possible, the numb limbs not really moving in the way my brain tried to tell them to. Something inside my belly was aching…I did not quite find the right word matching to the spot…but it was an annoying kind of pain.
He came back now, the door hit the wall because he had opened it so forcefully, and he held a cup in his hand. When he had arrived at the bed he put it down on the bedside table and hauled me up so that I was sitting…or leaning there.

“It’s going to help you defreeze, Sanzo-han”

A dead voice.

The cup was pushed against my lips and I was forced to swallow the liquid. It tasted gross and very odd.
After I had emptied the cup he put it away and sat down on the bed. I showed some inclination to lie down again then and he got it and helped me.
As I was lying there, various pictures containing a lot of red passed my mind, and I could nearly see him leaning over me…his silky hair falling down on my chest…his eyes half closed in some forbidden feeling…his mouth half open, ready for-

I screamed with pain when I felt an intense pang in my bowels, it was like an explosion.
After writhing and squirming I curled up, my hands pressed against my belly, rubbing my numb skin, my teeth clenched, my eyes tightly shut. The pain didn’t fade away, it only increased in intensity and I kept wailing despite him sitting there.
Just as I was about to stretch my legs again and rub them against the sheets I felt him petting my flank.

“Sh…Sanzo-han. It’s not that bad, is it.”

I’d have killed him with these hands of mine if they hadn’t been pressed against my stomach. I was gasping and whimpering, making a complete fool of myself in front of his eyes but I couldn’t hold back, it felt like everything under my skin imploded, and that every second anew. In addition to the pain I had broken out in a cold sweat, it didn’t help me in the faintest to feel warm again.
He hadn’t shut the glass door, so as the wind now sweeped through the room I shivered again, the cold breeze making my wet skin feel like it was on fire, an ice-cold fire, stinging and burning.

My whole body was a twitching mess now, muscles tensing and relaxing and that devil noticed every single twitch. He petted the hump my ass formed; I was lying on my right side, showing the man my beautifully coloured back. Various shades of red, from light red to white to a very dark reddish black…so much red…
As he brushed over some still raw wound I flinched and he did it again, forcing me to squirm and try to move away from him which was impossible because I couldn’t move my waist.

“Aaaaggh”

All I got as an response was a tightening grip on my ass cheek which let me gag in disgust. He enjoyed it so much to see me suffering like that.
After another two minutes I was close to begging for mercy, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to do anything against it, but I could have tried. Talking about it would have helped in a way. At least, that was what I had believed in.

“When…is it going to stop…?” I gasped and clenched my teeth when I realized how much it hurt to talk and breathe at the same time.

The man let go of my ass, got up and sat down on the other side of the bed so that he could face me. Look at my face, contorted with pain, watch my mien changing from blind despair to rage and back again.
A quick glance at his face told me that he did like what he saw. As my gaze descended I groaned for another time but immediately froze as my eyes touched his pelvis. That sight affirmed me that he never seemed to wear any underwear.
Horror-stricken, I buried my face in the pillow to continue moaning into the fabric.

“Three…hours? Maybe four…or five…depends on how well your stomach can digest that.”

“That what…,” I hissed into the pillow, speaking through clenched teeth. I could feel the fabric getting wet from my tears.

“I remember…him showing it to me…I know what you are suffering through.”

It wasn’t just my tears wetting the pillow. I was salivating like I had eaten an extra bitter grapefruit, and I couldn’t swallow anymore. Slowly but continually, I felt another spot of my body aching; it was somewhere close to the sensation I had felt when he had pulled out the sound while I had been hard.

“Fortunately, I had only had to stand it for some minutes”

I felt his hand on my ass again so I turned my head to look at him with which intention he was touching it, and I panicked when I couldn’t see him anymore…just a blue and white spot slightly moving in front of me. I gasped again and blinked to try to see clearly again, but it didn’t help at all.
It seemed like he had noticed that; I could feel his hand grabbing my chin and lifting my head up. And I could feel something on my face, gross and cold, something wet covering the part of my face from my nose to my chin.
After some moments of staring at my face he let my head fall down again.

“Sure…it’s one of the miotics…making your pupils contract.”

Now I became aware of the nausea, and the next second I was already gagging, trying to throw up while there was nothing but nothing in my stomach.
I convulsed my body and squirmed, gagging like I was piss drunk, tears streaming down my cheeks, snot covering my lips, saliva covering my chin and chest, sweat covering the rest of my body.

“Ah…calm down, Sanzo-han, you act as if the world would end.”

“IT DOES!!!” I screamed, furious at that sick idiot. But I quickly shut my mouth after that, shouting now didn’t help me to get better, but just the contrary.

“It is called ‘Jaborandi’. ’Paraguay-Jaborandi’. Can Wakan had used to smoke it…until he used all of it to poison me.”

He stopped and bent down to whisper into my ear, “He has never dared to even look askant at me again.”

After that he licked along my cheek and sat up again. I thought he was done now, but that was just the beginning. My body was still contracting, my stomach aching like hell, my tears and saliva floating down my body and suddenly a strong headache torturing my weakened mind as well. The icing on the cake was his touch, soft and gentle, his fingers lightly brushing over my chest and the parts of the stomach I didn’t cover with my arms.

“Sanzo-han…will you change sides?”

I tried to swallow and as I only swallowed my own saliva I was forced to gag again. By now I was shivering so terribly that I also could have mistaken it for convulsions, and the cold coming through the glass door did not help me to feel better either.
I felt angry because I was close to saying ‘Yes‘, giving in for god’s sake. Although I knew that I was not to die while he was there. So there was a fight going on in the rest of my head which was still working well enough as to describe that process as ‘thinking’.
The man waited for my answer; I was still debating on telling him about it as the door was opened again.

Of course I couldn’t see who had entered; even if I had been able to turn around I wouldn’t have recognized anyone because of my blurred vision.

“Oh, finally,” the man muttered.

I just saw another dark shadow appearing in front of my eyes and that was it. It wasn’t just that I was practically blind, but I also felt so exposed and helpless. I couldn’t see any pictures anymore, couldn’t foresee his actions, couldn’t even defend myself against his touch in that state.
There was a clinking sound right in front of me, then I heard him talking.

“You see, that was what you wanted me to suffer from as well, right? I’m glad I noticed in time.”

The working part of my brain concluded that it was Can Wakan standing in front of me, and I tried to hide my face behind my hair and in the pillow to not let him see that miserable picture.
Seconds later I heard him leaving the room with quick steps, and I was left alone with the devil again. Who just smirked and traced along my dripping wet arm.

After some time I noticed the same kind of footsteps coming closer again, Can Wakan had entered again and I tried to curl up. But I was forced to sit up, a strong hand closed around my neck and just pulled me up and it hurt like hell, but I was distracted by what happened then.

“No! What dare you do there?!”

I felt some pressure on my chin, my head was lifted up, something pressing against my lips again and more liquid being poured into my mouth which I was to swallow down.
Shortly before I had emptied the jar it left my lips, the rest of the liquid spilling on my chest.

“NO!!!”

Can Wakan looked up and stared at him with a grim look for a second before he threw the jar down so that it broke, the noise of that letting me moan in pain.

“You can’t do that, you have no respect for these things, you can’t use them.”

When I heard that deep and strong voice I immediately felt better again.

“You…are lacking respect here!!!”

The shadows moved in front of my eyes, I couldn’t tell what they were doing.

“This is a force much too strong and powerful for you, I won’t tolerate you using it with that intention.”

“But you were allowed to use it with that intention, yes? This is not a point which is to be discussed here!!! I think you are obviously begging for some strokes…”

It was silent for some moments, but then Can Wakan spoke again.

“I will accept them. And I don’t regret helping Yahto.”

“Don’t think that I don’t know what you are talking about because you only taught me your language! In no way is he blue, he is very happy that he can stay with me! I expect you to be waiting in my room in front of the bed, naked. Now leave.”

Can Wakan turned around and left.
He sat down on the bed, looking at me. Or I thought so, at least.
The cramps hadn’t let go of me yet, I was still leaking and my headache had got worse.

“Yahto,” I heard him snorting in a derisive voice.

He touched my belly, his hand slid down to stroke my cock, and I could do nothing against that.

“Say, Sanzo-han…are you feeling blue?”

I felt my heart beating like it was going to explode in the next few seconds, and I couldn’t concentrate on replying at all, although I so wanted to tell him how blue I felt.
But I was given no chance to even start with the sentence, I fell to the side and fainted.


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