I Envy Your Perfection

There's a time for every person when they realize what they want. The darkness was nothing for Kadaj as he walked boldly through the hallway. The majority of the facility had cycled into sleep mode, despite the lack of day and night. His mako-iluminated eyes searched the darkness, the familiar door something that he barely even looked at.

The remnant entered, and there was a moment's pause only before he crossed the suite and opened Mello's door with as much stealth as his enhanced body could offer him. He squinted, just in case the blonde was awake, trying to hide the light of his eyes. There was no movement, and in fact, Mello was stretched out on his bed, his breathing soft.

Kadaj crossed the room with cat-like grace and looked down at the sleeping man with determination in his eyes. He was going to show him...show him exactly what he wanted. Slowly, delicately, The remnant swung his knee up onto the bed and straddled the blonde's hips, fingers tugging insistently at his clothing.

It had taken a lot of effort for Mello to fall asleep. The emotions and thoughts raging inside of him seemed overwhelming, and his attempts to cast them out had failed. He'd been there a month, a short amount of time that felt like forever, for all that had happened. The chaos in his head worked together with the loud slams coming from the ceiling to give Mello a migraine heavy enough to make him murderous.

His ability to finally fall asleep despite all this should have been his sanctuary.

At the lightest touch, Mello was always alert and suspicious, but when he felt someone climb on top of him, he jolted to consciousness with a soft snarl, sapphire eyes flashing dangerously in what little light there was in the room. His entire body tensed, and for a split second, he didn't know if he was in the mafia, in his old room, in the Facility...

Then he caught a glimpse of those eyes, those shining, Mako-saturated eyes that seemed to be glowing in the darkness of his room. Mello's eyes widened, his mouth opening slightly in shock as he realized it was Kadaj in the room with him. What the remnant was doing simply shocked him further.

"Kadaj," he mumbled tiredly, closing his left eye in a weak attempt to focus, his mind still half-asleep. "What the hell?"

With effort, the remnant was able to ignore the disorientation and the snarl that came from Mello as he startled awake. Kadaj's body was already thrumming with want, the things he'd been rolling around in his head more than enough fodder. The luminescent eyes watched the blonde's face in the darkness that affected him so little.

He ignored the man's question- or was it a protest? Kadaj shifted, seemingly moving his hips on accident, and then the zipper on Mello's vest was slowly being pulled down until the fabric fell open to reveal the now almost familiar, well muscled chest. His fingers and then his lips found the soft, sensitive skin there. He drug his tongue experimentally over the exposed pink flesh, before leaning back and beginning to slowly unzip his own coat.

"I'm showing you...exactly what I want." He breathed, gazing down at Mello, his eyelids heavy.

Sharp eyes shifted, narrowing and yet growing softer and more inquisitive, in the same moment. Kadaj's body was tense, but every move the remnant made seemed so focused, so sure. Mello blinked rapidly, mumbling something inaudibly when Kadaj moved his hips against him.

At Kadaj's advance, Mello's breath caught in his throat and was released as a low noise when he exhaled shakily, arching forward into the touch until his companion drew back. His body shivered and he propped himself up slightly on his elbows, watching Kadaj carefully. At the same time, he pulled his arms free from his vest.

"Are you sure you know what you want, O Indecisive One?" he drawled. His tone was playfully mocking and quiet.

Kadaj looked almost offended at the suggestion. Of course this was what he wanted! Why would he be doing this if it wasn't...? The remnant shrugged out of his coat, the leather pooling around his hips.

"I've always known...what I want." He said darkly, raking fingernails down the blonde's torso. More and more and more of Mello.

The remnant reached down and braced himself on either side of Mello's head, suddenly grinding their hips together. He sighed at the delicious friction and then leaned back to fumble almost painfully slowly with the closure of Mello's pants. His fingers danced along the waistband, mischief shining in those luminescent eyes.

Mello threw his head back with a soft snarl, golden hair sprawling over the pillow. He arched into the touch involuntarily, taking pleasure from the pain Kadaj's fingertips were bringing him and panting when the remnant pulled back. Breathing heavily, Mello glared up at Kadaj, trembling and letting out another harsh breath when Kadaj moved their hips together again.

"Sure you've got it right?"

Mello absolutely hated that Kadaj was on top, and began to squirm slightly in a half-hearted attempt to get out from under him. A moment later, he stopped, curiosity building in his mind instead. He watched carefully for his companion's next move, dark eyes drinking in the sight of him being so needy, so fierce.

"Positive." He purred and his fingers wound tightly in the laces that he had made quick work of, wondering how Mello would react when he let go. The remnant trailed his fingertips down his own chest...stomach, then hips. He moved as though to unbutton his own leather garments, but dropped his hands. The remnant splayed his fingers out on the blonde's bare chest and moved against him again slowly, teasing and toying with him.

Kadaj wanted to know how long Mello could take it before he lost control, before he had no sanity left and he, Kadaj would become all he could see.

"Do you want me...?" That familiar question fell from his lips.

"Fuck," Mello hissed in reply, his eyes like those of a vicious animal, trapped and starving. "You know I do. You better know damn well that I do."

He groaned quietly, clamping his eyes shut. He was already aching, burning, wanting Kadaj the same way Kadaj wanted him despite the fact that mere moments ago he'd been content to just sleep. He fought, his efforts still half-hearted, before finally extending trembling fingers to grasp for the material keeping Kadaj contained.

Kadaj groaned, pleased by the response he received. The look in Mello's eyes was more than he could have hoped for, and it made him shiver. He watched the blonde's fingers, and leaned back a bit, his head lolling to one side. He peered down at Mello from under silver lashes, his fingertips continuing to run over his own skin teasingly.

"If you want me, then take me." He said, a hint of a laugh in his voice as he continued to play at resistance.

Mello pounced then, coiling his legs under him and springing. He lunged and pinned Kadaj's shoulders down effectively, switching positions and bringing his softly-smirking lips down close to Kadaj's face, until their noses were mere millimeters apart.

"You don't need to tell me," he said snidely, a low chuckle darkening his words. "I take what I want."

He lowered one hand and brushed his fingertips teasingly over the front of Kadaj's leather garments, his eyes mischievous.

"Why don't you?"

A soft sound escaped the remnant's lips as his back met the mattress. He moaned as Mello's fingers ghosted over him and he squirmed a bit.

"I just did." He sighed, luminous eyes glinting in the near darkness. His plan had worked almost perfectly. He'd barely had to try at setting a trap for Mello, and he'd played directly into the remnant's waiting arms. This realization was welcomed with an almost giddy giggle.

"Mello, I need You." He whined, arching into the touch as his fingertips groped for purchase in the sheets beneath him.

"Don't think I don't know that," Mello snapped quietly, already shedding what was left of his clothing and leaning in to nip at Kadaj's neck. He pressed his lips against Kadaj's temple for a moment.

"You take advantage of me," he said mockingly, and ran his tongue over the soft hollow of the remnant's ear. He dug his fingers into the leather guarding what he desired and tore back, then crushed his lips to Kadaj's almost savagely. His body trembled.

Shivering at the breath and wetness against his ear, Kadaj moaned and tightened his grip in the sheets.

"Mihael.. Please..." He hissed, and then all was forgotten as Mello's lips overtook him. The remnant barely even noticed his own clothing being pulled away, or Mello kicking his pants off.

The kiss wiped his mind of everything but Mello. Nothing but silken golden strands and that smooth scar tissue as his fingertips left the sheets, wandering the older man instead. He was so beautiful.... The remnant's eyes fluttered shut as he trembled in Mello's grasp.

Mello snaked an arm around Kadaj and let it rest against the back of his neck, pressing his body down against his companion's and moaning softly at the contact, his throat tightening as he exhaled sharply.

"So desperate already..."

Mello attached his mouth to the gentle arch where Kadaj's shoulder met his neck and sank his teeth in, thinking hard and fast. He hated taking Kadaj unprepared. The thought pissed him off and he snarled quietly, biting Kadaj just a little harder before pulling away. He pressed his fingers against Kadaj's lips gently, his eyes insistent.

"Suck," he growled lowly. He couldn't say much else, if not for the awkwardness, then simply because he didn't want to waste any more time.

Kadaj didn't let the split moment of confusion show on his face, but was glad to obey. Any time that Mello gave him a clear command, it made him ready to do anything. The silver-haired teenager parted his lips before leaning forward and engulfed the offered digits. Silver lashes fluttered over high cheekbones and Kadaj tried to memorize the way Mello tasted.

He made a soft sound in his throat and almost involuntarily moved his hips against the man above him. This was almost too much. He shivered and moved his tongue against the blonde's fingers, fingers groping and nails dragging against his shoulders.

Mello let out a shuddering breath, his body moving down again and his arm shaking as Kadaj's warm mouth worked around his fingers; that in itself was arousing, and when Mello felt it was too much, he pulled his hand free. He smirked, eyes twinkling, and licked at his index finger before moving his hands down to insert two fingers into Kadaj's body, scissoring carefully.

"Neither of us will hold out for preparation," he muttered, "and you don't exactly need it, but...fuck, I don't know."

Mello pressed a third finger in and leaned forward to bite Kadaj's lower lip gently, an icy blue gaze fixated on the remnant's own catlike eyes.

The remnant let out a strangled noise in his throat and gritted his teeth when he felt himself penetrated. It was still odd, a little painful, but made him shiver and tingle. He let out a slow breath as Mello spoke, but he barely comprehended what he said. The pleasure and pain were enough to make a light sheen of sweat appear on his forehead, the silver strands sticking stubbornly to his face.

Panting, Kadaj found himself pushing back against the feeling of invasion, his body trembling. He flushed, embarrassed and his lashes fluttered again.

"Do...what you want. I'm yours." He said genuinely, a soft sigh woven into the words. Lust-hazed aqua orbs stared up at Mello, and he licked his lips expectantly.

"Damn straight," Mello murmured, his voice heavy. He pushed his lips to Kadaj's while pressing his fingers in deeper, then removed them altogether.

Mello positioned himself and stared down at Kadaj, not breathing, his eyes glazed and needy. The way the remnant stared at him was beautiful. Everything about him was. Mello wove his fingers into silky hair and sighed almost wistfully.

His eyes flickered with an unreadable emotion that was overcome quickly by pure pleasure and greedy desire as he pushed into Kadaj's body, groaning into the friction and closing his eyes.

Kadaj whined at the feeling of loss when the blonde moved, re-positioning himself. The remnant shivered, his breath coming in pants and short gasps.

"M-Mihael...!" A keening cry left him as he felt Mello bury himself inside of him. The remnant whined and his fingernails bit into the blonde's shoulders. He shuddered at the sound of Mello's groan, his eyes dilated until there was barely a sliver of glowing aqua visible.

And then the remnant was pushing back on Mello again, taking him in as deeply as he could, his whole body responding. He moaned, voice hoarse and thick with desire. Kadaj bit his lip to try to keep from being so loud; who knew what the blonde's suite-mates might be thinking...

Mello surprised even himself by letting out a soft mewl as Kadaj's nails pierced his skin. The pain was absolutely delicious, and it took all of his effort to keep from ripping Kadaj to pieces. He began to move slowly, a low sound tearing from his throat at the unwanted effort of having to control himself.

Control. He didn't have it anyway...why pretend? Neither of them wanted him to...Kadaj was already his...

"Tch...Kadaj..."

Mello leaned forward, his cheeks burning, to capture Kadaj's lips in a kiss that was tender and possessive at the same time. He began to move more quickly, pushing into Kadaj more deeply, more forcefully, and moaning into the other's soft mouth.

Breathing sharply through his nose, Kadaj locked his arms around Mello's neck, the feeling of skin on skin sending his heart pounding. How was it possible for Mello...for anyone to feel so good? The heat burning in him was almost unbearable, and he lifted his hips to meet Mello's thrusts.

"T-too much... more!" Kadaj couldn't decide which it was, and he dug his nails even deeper into the blonde's flesh, beginning to draw blood.

The remnant's whole body was shaking, burning with the heat that was building in his stomach.

A strangled noise left Mello's lips and he moved faster, rocking harder into Kadaj's body even as he felt droplets of blood beginning to pool around the fingers digging into his shoulders. He disregarded Kadaj's confused cries and simply quickened his pace, panting harshly with every thrust until he smashed his lips against Kadaj's again. A pleasured cry was stifled by the remnant's hot mouth, and cloudy cerulean stared at Kadaj expectantly.

If he wants to play...so be it.

Kadaj wanted to beg, plead for release. But he couldn't through the rough kiss. Several unintelligible noises escaped, muffled by the kiss, and he drug his fingernails further down the blonde's back, smearing blood.

When his head was spinning from lack of air, the remnant pulled back, breaking the kiss before leaning forward and clamping down with his teeth on Mello's shoulder, sucking and nipping at the skin until it bruised.

He ached for Mello to touch him, to let go of the burning need...but this was so good, and part of him never wanted it to end.

"Mello, Mello... Mihail!" He cried out against his shoulder, the name resounding like a holy mantra.

"Please...please...!" Kadaj's lips parted in an unbridled moan, and his hands trembled in desperation.

Mello hissed as Kadaj's nails broke his skin further. The trickle of blood was tolerable, but the way the beads of sweat forming on his body made the small wounds sting was painful in a way that wasn't pleasurable; he wished Kadaj hadn't moved his hands.

The way Kadaj seemed to be spiraling out of control delighted Mello, and he laughed quietly. He moved close to Kadaj's lips until when he spoke, his every syllable brushed their lips together:

"If you want something...take it."

He took Kadaj's lips again, his tongue forcing past the danger of teeth and colliding with Kadaj's deliciously. Mello continued with his fast-paced rhythm and laughed into the remnant's mouth, eyes twinkling.

Uncontrolled moans were tearing from the remnant's throat, muffled by another kiss. He let his tongue dance with Mello's rather than fight against him and his hands went to fist in the sheets again, as though that would be enough to stop his world from spinning.

Kadaj's teeth scraped at the blonde's bottom lip and he suckled on it before biting down hard enough to draw blood. Anything to mark Mello as his. The coppery taste in his mouth wasn't unpleasant, as long as it was Mello.

"Haah!Ngh-god, please! Please,please,please!" His voice was constricted, showing the strain of the fire raging inside of him. One hand loosed itself from the blanket and his fingers were wandering down his own torso, needing, desperate for release.

Mello's eyes glinted in a way that was just as dangerous as it was playful. His grip in Kadaj's hair tightened possessively and he accepted the pain in his lips unflinchingly, triumph overwhelming him at the knowledge that Kadaj's suffering was far worse in a crueler way.

"What exactly...a-are you asking for, Kadaj...?"

His fistful of silver hair was jerked back suddenly to expose a pale throat, and Mello ran his tongue over Kadaj's quickened pulse. If he thought he could control Mello, he was right...but he needed to learn that Mello always made even trades...

Kadaj was certain that he was losing his mind. Despite his shame, the remnant moved to snake his hand in between them, only to be deterred when his head was jerked back suddenly. His scalp tingled, sending goosebumps across his shoulders and down his arms.

"M-mello..." he whined, and arched up against him as best he could when the blonde's tongue found his neck. It was almost too much to feel that mind-blowing friction for a mere instant. His ragged breathing was making him light-headed, and Kadaj dug his free hand into Mello's hip.

The remnant turned his eyes away, face burning with shame as he wrapped his fingers around himself and let out a low, heavy sigh. It felt so good, and he was so humiliated, so exuberant, that it felt like he might get torn apart from the inside. He moaned loudly, the pleasure almost overloading.

Mello gasped softly as Kadaj gripped his hip, those strong fingers keeping his attention until he took note of Kadaj's other hand. He moved the fingers that he'd been using to brace himself against the bed and, with a devious snicker, he pressed his lips to the shell of Kadaj's ear again, kissing it lightly.

Once Kadaj's fist closed in on himself, Mello reached in between them and wrapped his hand around the remnant's fingers, squeezing gently.

"Feel that?" he crooned softly.

Still smirking, eyes still hazy and triumphant, Mello pulled Kadaj's hand away and pinned it above his silver head. He nipped the pale earlobe again and spoke in a low hiss.

"That's what submission sounds like..."

Edited at 2009-04-29 05:12 am UTC

Kadaj made a desperate noise, a near squeal as he felt his wrist pinned above his head. At first, he twisted, trying to escape. The truth was that he could throw Mello off of him at any time, but how fair would that be?

Anything to alleviate it...

His need ached desperately, but he knew that if his other hand moved, he'd surely lose that privilege as well. The remnant squirmed, bucking his hips against the older man, overwhelmed by how full Mello made him feel, how that sensation could override everything else.

"Mihael, please...Please I'm begging you!" He moaned, tightening his fingers on Mello's thin hip.

"You can keep begging all night, Kadaj," Mello breathed against his ear. He leaned forward and nuzzled his nose against silver hair, and was pleased by how damp it was, by how damp Kadaj's entire body was.

Mello didn't feel as though he could hold out much longer, but that only gave him more ideas. He slowed his speed, quite suddenly, and barely moved with Kadaj. His rhythm slow, Mello pulled back to meet Kadaj's eyes.

"No matter how much you beg, I won't obey unless you tell me what you want..."

And in doing so, I take control...

Was that...all? Kadaj trembled, the pace that Mello had settled into nearly agonizing. He clawed at the blonde's hip, almost for vengeance and panted.

Words swam in his memory, the things that he had begged for knowledge about. Bado had helped him, taught him what he could while blushing furiously. Kadaj thought he probably knew what Mello wanted but... could he say it? It was humiliating. When had he lost control of the situation? A blush burned brightly on Kadaj's pale skin.

"I...!" Begging wouldn't get him any further, and the remnant panted into Mello's shoulder, silver hair sticking to his face.

"I'm begging you, please let me...let me..." He shivered and couldn't bring himself to say it, his swollen lips pulling into a pout.

Mello shivered as Kadaj's nails dug deeper into him, but he stopped moving altogether, the smirk remaining. He continued to gaze at Kadaj expectantly, though a soft amusement flickered in his eyes. The cerulean was glazed with a sense that was almost mockingly gentle, and Mello leaned in to push his lips to Kadaj's, very lightly, sweetly, before pulling away. He reached down to tuck a strand of purest silver behind Kadaj's ear and mimicked his pout, a look of innocence on such a devious face.

"You can say it," he pressed, bringing his hand down. His fingertips ghosted over Kadaj's need, just once, as though he were reminding him of exactly what he could have. "You must want it enough to say it...isn't that why you came here?"

"I...I...!" Desperation burned, and something akin to panic filled the silver-haired teenager's hazy eyes. He felt like a whore. The thing that disturbed him the most was that he loved it. Kadaj trembled, hating the lack of friction that was happening, and he leaned up suddenly, teeth latching onto Mello's collarbone.

He abused the skin there for a long moment, leaving it purple and ringed in red. It was payback, and flat out bliss to have left another mark on Mello.

"Only...only for you...Mihael..." He breathed, and shame burned in the remnant's eyes. "Please, make me come. I need you." More and more. How could anyone ever just have one taste of Mello? He was the most addictive substance in any universe. Those aqua orbs stared up expectantly, desperately.

Mello purred softly at the feeling of Kadaj trying to possess him again. The remnant should have known by know that he didn't need to leave a mark to claim Mello; Mello was already his, and he relished it.

The words that escaped Kadaj's lips after so long of trying to hold it in earned an immediate reward. Mello relinquished his hold on Kadaj's wrist and moved his hand back down, his hips already reverting to the rhythm both of them loved so much. Mello's fingers took a careful grip on Kadaj and pumped him in time to the blond's thrusts, and Mello moaned quietly.

"Good boy, Kadaj..."

The remnant's breath caught in his throat, and he had to gasp for breath as he felt Mello start to move again. His fingers wandered up to twine in damp golden locks and already his vision was starting to darken.

"Mihael!" He was chanting the name again until it sounded more like incoherent noises than a word in any language.

The rhythm put him into a state of numb euphoria but it was building into a burning, pulsing sensation as Mello's hand worked him. He wouldn't last long, and he tightened his grip in the other's hair, struggling to keep his heavy eyes on Mello's face.

He was right on the edge then, biting his lip and trying to hold out just a few moments more...

Mello snarled quietly as Kadaj's fingers gripped his hair more tightly, but his eyes were soft. He rocked against Kadaj body, again and again, each motion driving him closer to his climax; his grip on Kadaj tightened, the speed with which his hand moved increasing slightly.

"Come on," Mello whispered, maybe to himself, maybe to Kadaj. He brushed his lips against Kadaj's brow. "Come..."

He could feel Kadaj below him, tense and ready and too damn stubborn.

"Mihael...Ngh!" He lost any hope of coherence then, and he felt every muscle in his body spasm. With another keening cry, Kadaj's release came crashing down on him as he released his thick seed between them. The remnant's eyes squeezed shut and he whimpered as he rode out the waves of pleasure, fisting Mello's hair perhaps a little too hard.

His lips parted in a gasp of pure bliss before his vision started to come swimming back to him. He was certain that the first two times hadn't felt that explosive. In fact, Kadaj had never felt anything like that.

Trembling, the remnant collapsed and he looked up at his lover though cloudy eyes.

As if he hadn't been close enough, the squirms and soft noises, the tightened grip on his hair and the liquid that gushed over his hand, that gorgeous look in Mako-infused eyes...it was all more than enough to drive Mello over the edge. He bit into Kadaj's neck to stifle his moan, his body shuddering violently with what was quite possibly the most mind-blowing orgasm he'd ever experienced.

"K-Kadaj..."

They were both addicted, and Mello knew that now. He trembled slightly and pulled out, but before he could even think of doing anything else, he felt his body collapse against Kadaj's. He panted softly, his head on the remnant's chest, and cerulean eyes were foggy and unreadable and half-closed.

"Happy now?" Mello muttered teasingly. The effect should have been mostly destroyed by the evident exhaustion tugging at his voice.

"M-mello..." Kadaj sighed. His name...both of them, never got old. He loved the way they formed on his lips, the way they felt in his mouth...

A thin, pale hand threaded through tangled golden strands and he cradled Mello against him. The sound of his own name on Mello's lips had been perfect, and he sighed against the top of the older man's head.

"Sleep..." He said, voice tired. It seemed like this was going to become a habit, Mello's face pressed to his chest as they slept, surrounded by the heat and smell of sex. It shouldn't have been so good, so sweet.

Mello didn't argue. He closed his eyes tiredly, a mild migraine beginning to pound at his head. He was still dizzy, his body trembling and almost glowing with the heat coursing through his veins. He desperately wanted a shower, but Kadaj's embrace was warm and comforting, and Mello knew getting up would render any attempts to sleep entirely moot.

"Good night," he replied, his tone groggy, and he nestled just a little closer to Kadaj, wondering who had been the victor in the end...and if it mattered.

Kadaj smiled. He loved seeing Mello like this. He was so vulnerable, so innocent looking as his eyelids fluttered shut. Absolutely exquisite. The remnant basked in the glow of the moment and watched in quiet amazement as the blonde began to lose consciousness against him.

He ran his fingers through Mello's hair and yawned, feeling more than ready to join him. If only this could last forever, if only they could stay like this and never wake up from their dream. He bit back the worry and held Mello close.

"I love you, Mihael." He whispered almost inaudibly to the sleeping man and hoped that the sentiment was carried through to him.