Investigative Reporting

Mori awoke with a start to the force of a bullet train ramming into the inside of his skull

"Urgh..." he groaned while laying his head back onto his down-filled sanctuary of a pillow. His limbs felt like lead in the wake of the previous night's revelling while his stomach performed cartwheels in his gut. The morning sunlight crept between cracks in his curtains and threatened to burn out hypersensitive retinas and wither small plants. Squinting against the tortuous solar assault, Mori clumsily managed to roll out of bed and stumble into the bathroom before retching the entire contents of his stomach into the toilet.

Still dazed, Mori fumbled with the taps for several minutes before willing his hands to turn them. After several excruciatingly slow rotations of the knobs, cold water surged out of the faucet: an oasis in a tiled desert. The icy streams a soothing balm against his wrists.

Haggardly rinsing the taste of bile from his mouth and silently cursing the walls for changing shapes without warning, he choked back a half dozen glasses of water and waited for the room to settle into a fixed shape. Feeling his pulse threatening to burst the arteries in his forehead Mori re-entered the bedroom, his steps in time with the deafening heartbeat echoing in his ears.

Now semi-coherent, Mori surveyed his surroundings. Tiny. First things first, this was NOT his own room in his family mansion. As his mind unwillingly kicked into overdrive, he felt his headache return in force and unconsciously rubbed his temples. The last six months came rocketing through his memory...

Haruhi and the twins had finally graduated, and the entire host club had somehow all ended up going to the same university. Tamaki and Hunny had thrown a grand welcoming for their underclassmen and the twins had decided to repay the favour. Mori vaguely remembered something about Haruhi's birthday and then a friendly game of mah-jong...he then remembered taking a sip of Kaoru's juice...and then waking up here. That would make this current room a dorm room. Mori desperately searched the room's interior in hopes of discovering something that might establish it as his own: a kendo outfit, or swords hanging on the wall. His gaze focused upon the full-length mirror in the corner.

From the waist up he saw the same Mori he was used to seeing (and secretly admiring) every morning. Beads of his cold sweat trickled slowly down his chest, granting a statuesque quality to his athletic build and finely sculpted muscles. Smiling quietly to himself he watched a sweat drop roll down his pecks, dripping off his left nipple before tracing a gentle half-swirl across his navel, coming to rest along the waistband of...

A strange pair of boxers he had NEVER seen before and an entirely unfamiliar pair of jeans. Panic rising faster than a punctured balloon, Mori tore out of the room and into the hallway. Out of breath and still very much shirtless, he tore through the halls, ignoring the assortment of astonished gasps and appreciative sighs from the people around him as they clambered out of his way.

Sprinting clumsily through the narrow corridor, Mori collided head on with an equally dishevelled Hikaru, tumbling into a tangled mess of sweaty limbs and tousled hair.

"Somebody sure is feisty this morning." Hikaru chirped at the swordsman straddling his hips.

"Ahh, Hikaru, you've got to help me!" Uncharacteristically flustered, Mori gibbered, "there was something strange in your brother's juice last night when I drank it. I woke up puking and I can't remember anything that happened after we started playing mah-jong!"

Noticing how visibly flustered Mori had become, Hikaru tried his best to calm him, "Calm down dude. Just relax for a sec and chill. Yourself and milord were just about the only ones drinking juice last night...Kaoru's STILL drunk from whatever he was having, and you probably had some too. Just chill. Trust me dude, you're probably better off not remembering what happened last night."

Slightly irritated and overly curious, Mori probed him further, "What do you mean? What did I do last night?"

"I have absolutely no idea...but Kyouya's pants look great on you."

A thousand different thoughts flooded Mori brain, a thousand different reasons why he might be wearing unfamiliar underwear and Kyouya's pants, a thousand different variations of the only logical conclusion.

"Oh my god!" He gasped, "You don't mean to say that Kyo-kyo-kyo- myself and Kyouya did THAT?" Quite literally beside himself in embarrassment, Mori could only look on at his body (which by the way, still straddled Hikaru's own in a way that was…suggestive, to say the least) and struggle to form complete sentences.

"I wouldn't get too excited if I were you. I'm still pretty sore from last night. If you want anything you'll have to be on top."

Images of himself, locked in passionate coupling with the younger Hitachin flashed through Mori's brain. The feel of the smaller man's skin beneath his fingertips. The cool tingling as Hikaru licked the sweat off his chest. The overwhelming warmth and tightness as he entered Hikaru. The gasp of surprise when he entered unexpectedly. The grunts of exertion, the scream of ecstasy, the two of them panting in afterglow, locked in each other's arms and eventually falling asleep. The last thing Mori remembered was the blood rushing to his head.

---

"Moooori…Mori-sempai? Moooori…Mori!"

Mori groggily opened his eyes.

"Geez sempai, I can't even leave you alone for ten minutes before you get into trouble. I leave to get us some breakfast and when I get back, you're nowhere to be found. And then I find you here? Asleep in the middle of the hallway."

Not quite collected yet, Mori vaguely acknowledged the reprimand.

"I told you not to leave my room. This is the girls section, people could get suspicious."

"My apologies. It won't happen again Haru…" *gulp*

It was then that he recognized the face hovering above his forehead. It was also then that he remembered exactly whose room he had awoken in…a not unfamiliar panic began to rise through his body.

"Oh no! Haruhi! My sincerest apologies for anything I may have done to you last night. I would never dream of taking advantage of you…You're the last person I would ever want to do…that…with. Okay well not the last. That is to say, you aren't unattractive in any way except…"

Haruhi silenced his panicked ramblings with a finger to his lips. She turned to Mori sporting her signature smallish pout, Mori blushed.

"Relax sempai. I noticed you wandering the courtyard in the middle of the night so I brought you to my room. Just to be clear, we didn't have sex…although it makes me a little bit happy that you would think me attractive in that way."

The way she punctuated her final words with a small wink made Mori blush even deeper.

"Back to your quiet self so soon? The talkative you was really cute last night. Too bad you fell asleep so quickly."

Haruhi smiled disarmingly.

"Come. I was a little late getting to the cafeteria so all they had left were the toasted baguettes. I wasn't sure if you wanted butter or cream-cheese so I stole a small tub of each. I left them in my room. Let's talk about why you were wandering the courtyard at 3 in the morning after breakfast. Okay?"

And that was that. Case closed, Haruhi picked up Mori by the wrist and sheepishly led him back into her room. Shutting, and locking, the door firmly behind her.

They ate their breakfast in silence, the panic having run its course through Mori, and it seemed to Haruhi that her, not unattractive, sempai was merely eating on autopilot. This left Haruhi with plenty of time to fantasize about what it might be like to actually pursue a relationship with one of the host club members. She had often imagined what it would be like to be held in Mori's strong arms, or to be pulled along by Hunny's boundless enthusiasm, or even what an afternoon tea would be like spent with the shadowy Kyouya. She would admit she'd had a bit much to drink at her 'birthday party' (4 days early) the night before and had even flirted with the twins and maybe Tamaki a little bit. But this was the first time she'd actually been so close to one of them. The first time she'd been locked in a room with one all alone. The thought made her heart flutter.

"Ahem…could you pass me the milk?"

Suddenly brought back down to earth, Haruhi realised she'd been holding the milk jug the entire time and gingerly placed it on the floor space they were using as an impromptu dining area, just within Mori's reach.

"Oh, sorry about that. So did you use the cream-cheese or the butter?"

She glanced downwards and noticed both butter and cream-cheese tubs untouched. Instead, the honey she'd brought up for their tea was empty. Mori sat quietly munching a piece of honeyed toast.

"I thought you didn't like sweet things sempai?"

"Sometimes."

"Huh?" Haruhi tiled her head quizzically.

"Sometimes…I help Hunny finish his cake."

With a small "Oh." Haruhi simply accepted his answer like it was the most natural thing in the world and quickly buttered up her own toast.

---

*knock knock knock* *click* *turn*

"Takeshi, will you continue to require the use of my pants?"

Kyouya unlocked the dorm room door and poked his head inside. Upon seeing Mori, still very much dishevelled and very much shirtless, he nodded softy to himself.

"I see. I will interpret you state of undress as indicative of the results of your inquiry?"

"We've been at this for almost an hour Kyouya-sempai. Mori-sempai really doesn't remember anything. Maybe one of the other hosts remembers something. What do you remember about last night?"

Kyouya let himself into the already cramped dorm room and took the seat behind Haruhi's desk. Switching on his laptop, he began to explain the dispositions of the other hosts.

"The Hitachin twins are both accounted for. Kaoru remains unconscious in his bed. I have already contacted the health staff, the school doctor assures me he is not suffering from alcohol poisoning, but he will most likely remain asleep for the remainder of the day."

"I guess that rules out his statement. He probably remembers less that you Mori-sempai. What about Hikaru?"

"Hikaru appears to have found himself a sweet young thing and is currently, engaged in extracurricular activities, with the blonde in room 204. My staff reports that they have moved a dresser to obstruct the doorway and cannot, at this time, ascertain Mr. Hitachin's recollection of the previous night's activities. They do, however, report that he is indeed inside room 204 and does not show any signs of leaving soon.

"Hunny, Haruhi, and myself remained at the party after Mori left. I can confirm that Hunny called his driver and was taken directly from the clubroom to his family estate. I myself assisted Haruhi to her own dorm room before attempting to make my way to my own. It was then that she discovered your presence in the courtyard. The two of us decided it would be easiest to bring you to Haruhi's room since it is only on the second floor, while mine is on the sixth."

"Excuse me…" Mori quietly spoke up, "why then, am I wearing your clothes?"

"I simply loaned you a pair of my jeans and a spare set of trunks. You were quite naked when we discovered you. Naked, and rather inebriated. Takeshi, as a senior student it would really be in your best interests to remember your reputation. The school newspaper has already run their story on the 'spectacular show of virility' displayed last evening."

Mori paled.

"Now, now, Kyouya, let's not tease Mori-sempai too much."

---

WORLD-CLASS ASSETS

At around 2:30 this morning, an exhibitionist was spotted wandering absently through the inner courtyard. He appeared to be having a pleasant time and reporters arrived to witness the unidentified exhibitionist pleasuring himself. Apparently he was 'having a wonderful night,' and 'wished to share his pleasurable feelings with everyone.' The man is still at large. He appears to look similar to Takeshi Morinozuka, world-class kendoist and current student council secretary. A description that has even the most ignorant students guffawing in disbelief. One student commented "This is some sort of joke right? Secretary Mori doesn't even speak, let along j*** off in the courtyard." Another responded "it is obviously a set-up. I bet somebody hired a look-alike to sully Mori-sama's good name." And yet another "Mori-sama would NEVER expose himself so indecently." When asked to comment, the school president mentioned "Takeshi Morinozuka is one of our school prides. Both an exceptional student and a dedicated athlete. We are currently investigating the allegations against him but I am confident he will be cleared of all charges." Whether or not last night's spectacular show of virility was indeed demonstrated by Morinozuka is still under investigation.

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A/N: Okay, so I wrote this one up for fun a little while ago. And i recently dug it up again. Not sure what else I'll do with this one. Sorry if Mori seems OOC, he's REALLY panicking.