The Family Recipe Book

A Kuno woman always gets her man. That is why I got out the old family recipe book written by my great-great-great-great-grandmother when she competed against twelve suitors for the hand of a king. With what is written in here, she won him and reigned beside him as queen until the day of her death. She wouldn’t tolerate him even looking at another woman during her married life, upon her death her secret recipe book was handed down through each generation to an appointed daughter. What is contained within these pages has been beneficial to each woman to eliminate competition for her heart’s desire.

I am now opening the pages of the ancient tome and perusing the original recipe and the ones that have been added in various types of faded ink by the former appointed daughters, of which I am the current one. This is a secret for women only; none of our male relatives know of this book’s existence and never shall. I looked over the recipes and choose the one written by my great-aunt Akane; how fitting that it should help get rid of my Akane.

I gather the ingredients and take out my mortar and pestle and prepare to mix them: ten unripened berries of nightshade, the recipe only calls for three but you never can be too careful. Ten mistletoe berries, good for making shy teenagers kiss and fatal if consumed, not to mention can be found at any florist shop this time of year. Five oleander leaves, easy to find as it’s a common houseplant. Mash them into a fine paste and add to flavourful stew to disguise the taste, add to that a soupcon of arsenic just for good measure. Not so easily found as when they used to sell it in drugstores c’est dommage, but boiling commercial rat poison gets you the same result. Then add to stew and give it a good stir. Here is a funny note that great-aunt Akane added, do not taste stew after mixing in the above ingredients. Sounds like the old dear had a good sense of humour. Still my cooking does smell great.

My is that the doorbell? Ah Shampoo, Ukyou, Akane, you made it. Of course I don’t mind if that you brought the Pigtail Girl that my brother so admires along, I cooked more than enough food for an extra guest. My brother won’t be joining us, he’s have dinner at a friend’s place so that we can have our privacy. He’s such a dear.

We’re having Beouf bourguignon this evening with crusty rolls, it’s a french dish of beef braised in wine sauce. I know it really does smell good. I’m sorry that I won’t be joining you, but my gymnastics coach has me on a no carbs diet, so I’ll just be having steamed vegetables instead.

Allow me to serve you this evening; the servants have the night off. Bad timing for our tete-a-tete on my part n’est pas?

Now does everyone have a bowl? Good, I say that we eat first and discuss who should get Ranma afterwards as this was the reason for our little get together. This issue will be settled by the end of tonight, until then bon appetite.