An Idiot's Guide to Ectopic Birth

(This is a crossover with Sex Pistols, but even if you've never read Sec Pistols, I'll explain everything eventually. At any rate, the Sex Pistols world doesn't exactly make sense, so you'll have to suspend your disbelief for this fic as well.)


Kamio might have figured things out for himself if he hadn't been so oblivious. Perhaps if he didn't spent so much time absorbed in his music, bouncing to the beat coming out of overly large headphones, he might have put two and two together. But as it was, he had to admit he was more than a little shocked.

"What did you just say?" he all but yelled, caught mid-stretch, Shinji holding him down by his feet. One thing in all of Shinji's mumblings had somehow gotten through to him, but Kamio didn't really think he heard it right, because it was just too weird. Shinji wouldn't spring some thing like that one him, right before their first Nationals match, would he?

"I said, I think I like Tachibana-san," Shinji muttered, and Kamio reminded himself that Shinji always was a little odd. If any one would divulge a piece of information like that at a time like this, it would be Shinji.

"What?" Still, Kamio couldn't quite grasp the concept.

"I like Tachibana-san," Shinji said again, before turning away to let out some inaudible mutters. He turned back after a moment though, reading Kamio's expression for Kamio didn't know what. "Are you mad?"

"No..." More like really weirded out. Kamio had absolutely no inkling that Shinji liked their captain... not that they all didn't like Tachibana, just not, like, romantically. Kamio had always imagined Tachibana as a kind of older brother figure, smart and strong and all of theirs, like communal property, and the thought of Shinji and Tachibana as a couple creeped him out more than anything. "Why would I be mad?"

"Maybe you like him too. We tend to like the same things. Like when we were in elementary school, and I really wanted to buy that Doraemon backpack, and you got angry and wouldn't let me because you said you liked it, even though-"

"Okay, okay," Kamio interrupted, sure he didn't want to spend the next few minutes listening to Shinji go off on another tangent. "I don't like him. Not like that anyway. It's just... I dunno... it's a little strange."

Shinji looked a little down for a moment, his expressionless face shifting in a minute way that Kamio could read only because they spent so much time together.

"You don't have to worry about it being weird," Shinji finally said, "I don't think he likes me back."

"Oh." Caught between awkwardness and an obligation to comfort his best friend, Kamio wasn't sure what else to say, so his mind automatically turned back to tennis. "Let's get back to the team."

"Yeah."

Later on as they sat on the bleachers, Kamio couldn't help but turn his glances towards Tachibana every now and then, wondering what it was about him that Shinji liked. But then again, it really wasn't that hard to understand. Tachibana was good looking and charismatic, kind, and really cared about them. Still, Kamio couldn't help but imagine Tachibana and Shinji going on dates, and that would probably mean he'd end up spending less time with both of them, and maybe he'd end of being the fifth wheel when they all went out together.

That would be really hard, Kamio thought, and he reprimanded himself when he found himself thinking that maybe it was good that Tachibana didn't like Shinji back. Shinji was never really good at reading people anyway... it could have been that Tachibana liked Shinji very much, and Shinji just didn't realize it.

It kind of made Kamio sad, and made him wonder what it would be like to like somebody like that. It might be nice to have some one to take care of him, the comfort of a large chest and deep voice... but then he shook his head as he blushed, clearing it of such embarrassing thoughts. It's not like he knew any guys anyway, aside from his teammates, and they were more like family then anything else. There was that baka from Seigaku, but Kamio shuddered at the thought.

He was still thinking about the topic when it was time to go home, and left early by himself to give Shinji a chance to be alone with Tachibana. Besides, he needed some time to think about things. So maybe he wasn't paying attention when he crashed into something, or rather some one, but that didn't stop him from yelling out rather angrily.

"Hey, watch out!" Kamio bit out, looking up to see the fairly disgusted face of some one who was entirely too familiar.

"I could say the same to you," Atobe Keigo replied, but apparently that was all he would condescend to say, and he turned away and started to walk off. Kamio could hear him say something that sounded like "idiot monkey", followed by Kabaji's familiar "usu", but it's not like he had time to worry about anything Atobe said or did.

* * *

"I told you, I'm not sleeping with you again," Akaya ground out, his voice the usual half-whine it always was. Unfortunately, that didn't stop Sengoku from groping him, and at the moment the redhead's face was buried in his neck, a hand on his ass.

"But Kirihara-kun, didn't you have fun last time?"

"No!" Akaya lied, as he tried (and failed) to dislodge himself from Sengoku's grip. "Besides, you like girls!"

"But you smell so good... and besides, you're special..."

"Having trouble, Akaya?"

Akaya looked up, embarrassingly, to see Yanagi standing mere feet away from the. Shit. Now his sempai were probably going to make Jackal escort him everywhere again... and here he thought he had proven himself capable of watching out for himself. Quickly, to salvage what dignity he could, he aimed a swift kick at Sengoku, half guilty half proud as the boy let out a painful yelp and fell over.

"I can take care of myself," Akaya said, a proud lift to his chin.

"Yes, I'm sure you can. Come along now."

Akaya spared one last semi-guilty look at Sengoku, then jogged up to Yanagi's side, his face shifting into an expression of grumpy petulance. Yanagi was quick to notice, despite the fact that he hadn't turned to look at Akaya once since they had met, and was equally quick to comment on it.

"Is something troubling you, Akaya?"

"No," Akaya muttered, and this time Yanagi did spare him a glance, an amused smile on his face.

"You know that with Yukimura back, things will go back to normal."

"Whatever," Akaya grumped. He was really happy to have his buchou back, he was, but then he had been really happy when Yukimura was gone and Sanada and Yanagi had invited him to scout other team's matches in Yukimura's place. It made him fell... well, proud, that they would ask him to go with them. But now Yukimura was back, and they had forgotten all about him. He wanted to see the end of Seigaku's match too...

"Though, I suppose, other things will have to be changed. Yukimura himself looked for you, you know, to ask if you would accompany us... unfortunately, you were nowhere to be found."

"Really?" Akaya perked up at that, and his pout was soon replaced with a happier countenance. Yanagi inwardly chuckled at the sudden change... Akaya's moods were so easily manipulated. The episode with Sengoku, though, had him a little worried, and as they reached the area where Sanada and Yukimura were already sitting Yanagi took it upon himself to pull their fukubuchou aside. The three of them stood in the shade of a nearby tree, Yukimura only sending them a sideways glance as they disappeared.

"I can take care of myself," Akaya whispered his oft-repeated litany, though they were out of earshot of any other people.

"Sengoku was hitting on him," Yanagi explained to Sanada, "and it's not as though other people weren't accidentally brushing up on him on our walk over here."

Sanada was scowling now, but that wasn't much of a change from his usual expression. "If you were better at controlling your kon-gen, this wouldn't happen."

"I can't help it," Akaya whispered vehemently, "it's mating season."

"Exactly," Yanagi countered, "it will be astounding if you don't get yourself kidnapped or raped in the next few weeks."

"Hey, I took care of that last guy that tried to mess with me."

"And you were almost suspended for it," Sanada reprimanded.

"I didn't know he was a substitute teacher!"

"The point is," Yanagi interrupted, always calm, "we'll have to take extra precautions when it comes to you. Sanada, can you take care of it?"

"Fine," Sanada replied, seeming neither happy nor bothered by the request.

Akaya, for his part, was relieved that they hadn't assigned him twenty-four hour supervision. Seigaku's game was pretty much over, so as Yanagi went back to speak with Yukimura, Sanada gave his a soft push forward. Get going, it said, and Akaya stumbled into step, Sanada always close behind him.

They made the bus trip to Sanada's house in silence, neither comfortable nor uncomfortable, and Akaya was pleased to see that people were staying away from him. He knew it was because of Sanada; even monkeys, with their lack of senses, were somehow able to intuit the "keep away" pheromones of a territorial heavy-weight.

Sanada loudly proclaimed "I'm home" as they stepped through the threshold of a large, traditional Japanese house, and as they removed their shoes Akaya could hear a "Welcome home" drifting in from somewhere in the kitchen, spoken in the soft, dulcet tones of Sanada's mother's voice. Akaya liked her; she had taken a liken to him as well, though that was probably due more to what he was than who he was, and was always keeping him over for dinner. But there were other matters at hand now, and he could say hello to Sanada's mother later, so instead he took the familiar path up to Sanada's bedroom.

Sanada had kept a small distance from Akaya since they had left the tennis courts, but even he wasn't immune to the pheromones Akaya was giving off, and when he closed the door to his bedroom he was almost in a daze. Without even being aware of it he pulled Akaya back, closer to him, and then Akaya's back was against his chest and he buried his face at the nape of Akaya's neck. It never ceased to amaze him how good Akaya always smelled, and as he breathed in he licked and nibbled at the soft skin of Akaya's neck.

Akaya leaned his body back, leaned his head back, and Sanada marveled at how docile Akaya was in bed... it had surprised him the first time they had slept together, but it had been a pleasant surprise. Akaya turned around then, his lips soft and his mouth hot as they kissed, his tongue gently lulling Sanada's into his mouth. Somehow, kissing, they stumbled onto Sanada's bed, and Akaya could feel hands fumbling at the waistband of his pants. It was so hard to think now, everything was so hot, and though he was only vaguely aware of kicking off his pants and boxers he was completely aware of the cool, air-conditioned air on his cock, and Sanada's long fingers arching into his ass.

Akaya moaned, arching his back as Sanada fucked him with his fingers, pushed up his shirt and pressed kisses onto his chest. It felt so good to have something inside of him again, he wished Sanada would finger fuck him forever, but then he was pulling out. Akaya gave a little mew of disappointment, but he could hear the sound of a zipper opening, and he moved onto his side as Sanada laid down behind him. A strong hand was on his thigh, lifting his leg into the air, and he could feel something hot and hard and big and wonderful pushing at his ass. It hurt when Sanada started pushing into him, even if they had done this so many times already, and Akaya's fingers dug into a pillow as he clenched his eyes shut.

"Sorry," Sanada mumbled, his voice a heated whisper against Akaya's ear, one hand holding Akaya's leg open and the other guiding his cock inside that tight heat. Akaya's insides felt so soft and hot, and Sanada let out a groan as he mounted him, his large cock head sliding in with one last push. "I'm... almost in."

Akaya felt himself being stretched to the limit as Sanada pushed into him, as he slid deeper and deeper into his ass. But it was easier now, and when Sanada was all the way in it felt so good to be so full. He reached down, grabbed his own cock, and started pulling on it with short jerky tugs. Sanada was pulling out again, then pushing back in, groaning as he started to build up a rhythm as he started really fucking the boy. His thrusts bordered on violent, so hard they made the bed creak, but Akaya loved it, loved being fucked like this. His ass felt swollen and raw, but so good as Sanada kept stabbing into him, and they must have fucked for half an hour before Akaya came, cum spurting onto Sanada's cotton sheets. Sanada followed moments later as Akaya clenched down on him, shooting jet after jet of semen deep into him. Even after he stopped coming he continued to fuck the boy, until his cock was too limp to do any more, and fell out with a gentle plop.

Afterwards there was the smell of sex and the sound of heavy breathing, and that content dizziness that always followed orgasm. It was like some kind of asphyxiation, but after awhile Akaya had come down enough to turn around, wrapping an arm around Sanada's waist and putting his head on Sanada's chest. He felt Sanada's arms wrap around him, one hand burying itself in his hair and the other settling on his hip, and Akaya marveled at how affectionate Sanada could be in bed... it had surprised him the first time they had slept together, but something he quite enjoyed.

"Are you meeting with Atobe today?" Akaya finally asked, only because he was curious, and his voice was a husky, sleepy tone.

"Mm hm," Sanada replied, fighting against sleep himself. "We still have some negotiations to deal with, but first Atobe has to tutor some kid."

"Do you like him?"

"That's neither here nor there, Akaya."

"But do you?"

"Not any more than anyone else," Sanada replied, not sure why Akaya was all of the sudden asking this. "Did you think I liked him?"

"Well..." and Akaya trailed off in that way he did when whatever he had to say might end up making Sanada mad.

Sanada's eyes narrowed. "Well what?"

"Yanagi-sempai says that you're... well, that you're a menkui*. And, you know, every one's always going on about how good looking Atobe is."

Sanada twitched. He was now fully awake, afterglow having come and gone. "I am not a menkui."

"Yanagi-sempai says you used to have a big crush on Yukimura-buchou when you guys were first years."

"That was before I found out he was insane."

"Sanada-fukubuchou!" Akaya scolded, though it sounded more like a whine. "Just because buchou likes your brother doesn't mean he's crazy."

Sanada couldn't really follow that statement... why else would Yukimura be interested in his bully of a brother? At any rate, a quick glance at his clock told him that it was time to get some clothes back on, and he herded Akaya out of his bed. After making themselves presentable Sanada opened his door, only to see that his brother's door across the hallway was open as well, and Yukimura was sitting at his computer desk.

"Sanada. Could you please explain to me why you're sleeping with Akaya, when I thought you were going out with Atobe? And why is it that every one's been talking about 'mating season' and 'monkeys' lately?"

"Sorry, Gen-chan," Sanada Kentarou said, from his perch on his bed, "I think we're going to have to explain things to Seichi here."


* menkui: some one who's easily taken in by good looks