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I Blame the Alcohol	By : karaage Category: Death Note > Yaoi-Male/Male Views: 2380 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note nor am I making any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Jack Daniels equals Big Trouble
- 2-The Morning After
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"You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is...suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with."

~Dana Scully ~

So many things happened. I don't know if I know him anymore, it's been almost 6 years since we'd seen each other. He's changed, a lot. I keep wondering what it would have been like if he hadn't left the orphanage. If he hadn't left then I never would have. Would we still be sneaking in to each other's room, well mostly me sneaking into his room, teaching him how to play Grand Theft Auto? Lying next to him in the middle of the night, just talking over shit? I miss it. I miss the Mello I use to know so well.

"Hey, are you okay?" Matt snapped out of his inner monologue to notice that the blonde had indeed resurfaced from the bedroom, where he had shut himself up the entire day. He paused his video game, and reached for his pack of Pall Malls. "Should be asking you the same question." He raised a knowing eyebrow as he lit his cigarette. "I'm fine." Mello snapped as he headed to the kitchen. He blew out smoke, trying to decide if he wanted to leave it at that or take a stab at the proverbial elephant in the room. "Mells, you're not fine." Stabbing it was. He got off the couch and walked to where Mello was raiding the kitchen, slamming cabinets and drawers. He leaned up against the fridge, just watching him in his attempt of trying to find something that was most likely not there. "Don't let Near get under your skin." Matt said around his cigarette. The blonde visibly tensed and stopped his raid. "This isn't about Near, though that little diaper sack has been giving me one huge fucking headache." He paused. "Mells-" Matt started to say but was cut off. "No, I told you I'm fine. " He looked at the blonde.

His bandages were soaked through again. He was very visually in pain, but trying to grin and bear it, for whose sake the redhead wasn't sure. Matt pushed himself off the fridge and walked over to him. "Have you even changed your bandages at all today?" He asked as he pulled his goggles down to take in the goriness of the gauze that had been wrapped around the blonde's upper torso. "No." Mello said bluntly. Matt blew out some more smoke, shaking his head. "Let me change them then, you might get an infection." He motioned for Mello to follow him to the bathroom/homemade hospital. The blonde plopped down grudgily on the toilet and watched as Matt rumbled through the medicine cabinet. Then he came over and squatted down, laying his cigarette down on the sink before gently unwrapping the soiled gauze. "Shit, Mells…" he muttered as he cleaned the blood off and applied the new bandages. The process had only taken about 20 minutes but Mello had been uncharacteristically quiet and cooperative. Any other time he would be having a bitch fit.

The red head eyed him questioning, but the blonde refused to return the look. Actually it could be said he was avoiding his gaze altogether. "Seriously, man, what's wrong?" Mello looked at the floor. "It's nothing." He attempted to get up, but was forced back down by Matt. "No. You have been avoiding me all day! Now tell me why." Mello stared pointedly at the hands on his knees. After a minute of the most uncomfortable silence of his life, Matt sighed. "I use to know you so well; I wouldn't have needed you to tell me what's wrong." He moved to get up, but froze in his tracks when Mello quietly whispered, "I never wanted to call you." Man, that stung. So that's why he doesn't want to see or talk to me. He doesn't want me here.

"Then why –" He started to ask but was cut off. "You should have bolted after the explosion. Stuck to the plan….." Matt saw red. He didn't know which was pissing him off more; the things Mello was saying or the nonchalant tone he was saying them in. Mello saw Matt clinch his fist, he hated to do this to him of all people but it had to be done. He had laid in his bed all day, thinking bout it. He couldn't even stomach his chocolate, his nerves where so fucking bad. Or maybe it was the dread of what he was about to do that had his stomach in knots. "You should have left me. I had backup, I could have taken care of myself….." He paused and with deliberate foulness said, "I don't need you." Matt jerked away from him. He stormed out of the bathroom, everything was spinning, he couldn't see straight.

Mello wanted him gone….

That was all he could think bout.

How could those 4 words hurt so fucking much?

"Do you really want me gone?" His heart was thundering in his chest, his anxiety growing bigger as the silence did. "Yes." Mello replied, barely above a whisper. "Fine." Matt said as he headed to the living room, unplugging cords and stuffing his laptop in his messenger bag. Then he stuffed his gaming console and miscellaneous clothing and other items in his small duffle.

After making sure he had everything, he left. Not even turning back to look at Mello or even to say goodbye. Mello stood there, long after Matt had slammed the front door, leaning against the bathroom door.

He didn't know how long he stood there staring at the front door, but when he was brought back to reality, it was almost completely dark. He turned back to the bathroom and stopped dead in his tracks.

His cigarette is still here.

Mello went over and grabbed the cigarette from where it was burning up on the sink. He held it up and examined it. What was it bout these things that he loved so much?

He placed the cigarette on his lips and took a drag. He blew out smoke and looked at the cancer stick in between his fingers.

The smell was distinctly him. He wanted it to last forever.

o.0.o

Matt sat in the parking lot of a cheap run down roach motel. He was still fuming from what happened at the apartment. He wasn't really angry, though he should have been. He should have been really pissed at Mello, but he wasn't. He was sort of sad, and maybe a bit…..heartbroken? God what am I thinking?

It hadn't been the first time he had thought that. Hell to be honest, it wasn't the first time he had felt this way either. Something had changed, like everything else in his life. His best friend, well, he wasn't just his best friend anymore… He felt differently towards Mello than he used to. He really hadn't been around many of the children back at Wammy's. It had always been Mello there. He didn't even like guys, never even look twice at another guy; but with Mello it was different, he was different. It was hard to explain in words …. But yeah he had pretty much fallen for his best friend. The damn bastard. It's not as if he hadn't had any relationships in the past. He had a ton, American women were very loose, but that didn't cover up his feelings for Mello. He didn't know exactly when it happened but he sure as hell couldn't deny it anymore. Tonight just proved it. Those words wouldn't have hurt so much if he didn't feel the way he did. FUCK! He felt like hitting something, he was just so frustrated! He needed to get out of this car before he went insane.

o.0.o

Mello wiped the steam from the mirror in the bathroom. He looked at his reflection. He hated the way he looked, hated these scars. They had finally stopped bleeding for the moment. He needed to get drunk, that was the only way that he was going to get through tonight with his sanity intact. He resumed his search for the bottle of Jack Daniel's he knew Matt had somewhere. He didn't want to think about the way Matt had reacted or the look on his face. Fuck! It had pained him so much to say those words to him. To see the pain on the red head's face. It had his stomach still screwed up into knots.

He finally found the bottle, hidden behind some plastic fast food cups. He remembered when Matt had talked him into getting it. How could he not remember, that was the night he felt something more for Matt.

It was just something about him that night that got under his skin. They were both pretty drunk, Matt trying to teach him how to play Halo. He had ended up practically in Matt's lap, with Matt's hands on his, the other helping him to know which buttons to push when on the controller. After about an hour or two of playing like this, they finally beat the game. It had then become a bit awkward, either of them not knowing what to do. Matt then pulled down his goggles. He had never noticed just how green the red head's eyes were. Matt went on to tell him about other games, and how well Mello had done. The rest of the night they spent eating pizza and playing video games; with him still in Matt's lap, with the red head's strong arms around the him as he helped Mello through the levels. That sparkle in his eyes, it had made Mello's heart race.

He shook his head and went to the bedroom, chugging from the Jack Daniels bottle. He started looking through the piles of clothes beside his bed for a shirt. What he didn't expect to found was one of Matt's striped shirts. DAMN! What was this doing here? He held the shirt up and before he knew what he was doing he smelled it. God it smelt like him. The combination of smoke, orange soda, and Axe. He sat there for a few minutes, clutching the shirt. What the hell?! He thought then pulled the huge striped shirt over his head. He leaned back against the side of the bed and chugged some more of the Jack Daniels. He still couldn't believe he had said those things to him. He had done it for Matt's own good. After the explosion it was only a matter of time before something like that happened to Matt, and the blonde would never forgive himself if it did. He wanted Matt safe. Plus the red headed techno-geek deserved better than him. He took another huge swig from the bottle at that thought.

o.0.o

Matt couldn't believe this! He dumped his duffel on the bed of the hotel. It wasn't there. How in the hell did I end up leaving my fucking laptop charger at the apartment?! FUCK!

He packed all of his stuff back into the duffel; grabbed it and his messenger bag and headed back out to the car. He didn't want to go back to the apartment, really. He searched his pockets for his pack of cigarettes…. Wait! Where the fuck were his cigarettes?! FUCKING HELL! HE HAD LEFT THEM ON THE FUCKING KITCHEN COUNTER!!

o.0.o

Mello pulled himself off the floor, clutching the half empty bottle of booze in his hand. He went back to the bathroom. He fumbled with the facet and splashed water on his face. He looked up at the mirror. Fucking scars. He had to face it, he needed Matt, and the red head was never coming back. Not after the way he left.

Not after the way I treated him.

Rage boiled up inside of him. He reached back and swung as hard as he could at the mirror, hitting it over and over and over again, till it was smashed beyond recognition. He slumped down onto the floor, a complete mess. He brought the bottle up to his mouth, but didn't drink. After a minute of staring at the bronze booze, he buried his face in his knees, and for the first time in 7 years… he cried. He cried for everything that had happened, for L, for himself, and especially for Matt. Matt deserved better. Matt deserved a normal life, not this fucked up mess he was in.

He kicked himself for getting the red head involved. It was a mistake, a mistake that would haunt him for the rest of his life. He couldn't bare something like what happened to him to happen to Matt. He would never forgive himself.

o.0.o

Matt parked his car in the garage. He did not want to go back there; it would hurt too much to see Mello after what he had said. He got out of the car. After looking around, he crossed the parking deck and started up the stairs. He paused when he reached the door, hands trembling on the handle. He steadied his hands and opened it. Mello was nowhere to be seen. He checked the bedroom. Where was he? He was too injured to go anywhere….

It was then that he spotted the broken mirror, and started panicking. He yanked his goggles off and placed them on the table.

"Mello?" He called out, as he headed toward the bathroom. As he got close he heard sobs coming from the room. "MELLO!" He ran over to the crumpled form on the floor, mingled with the blood that was dripping from his out stretched hand. "Mello, come on, talk to me man! " He gently took hold of Mello's face in his hands. "Matt? What are you doing here?" Mello slurred. Relief flooded into the red head.

Mello was okay.

He then took in the sight before him. Mello, in his shirt, the Jack Daniels bottle, Mello still kinda sobbing. Mello was drunk. He smelt like a fucking brewery. Why was he wearing his shirt?

"Matt, I'm sorry."

Wait, what did he say? "Matt, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it…. I didn't mean it." He slurred and sobbed at the same time. "Its-Its…okay." Matt replied. It really was okay. "Come on, up you get." He said as he pulled the blonde to his feet, and sat him on the toilet. "Let me bandage your hand and burns." Mello nodded.

After bandaging said injuries, he replaced the striped shirt. He then got up and lead the stumbling Mello to the bedroom. "Why did you come back?" Mello slurred. Matt placed him on the bed and thought for a moment. He decided to tell him the truth, and sat down next to him. "I didn't say goodbye." Matt looked at him. The blonde's eyes had gotten round, and tears started to well up again. "Don't. Don't say goodbye. Don't leave. " Mello begin to sob again. Matt's heart started to ache at the sight, and he pulled the blonde into his arms. He couldn't help it. "Shhhh, I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." He whispered into Mello's hair. The older man was practically falling apart in his arms. This was so unlike Mello. The last time they had drunk, it had gone a bit better. He realized that he was unconsciously running his hand through Mello's hair. He stopped and pulled away, making Mello look up at him. They stared at each other for a good minute before Matt leaned in. He couldn't help it.

He pressed his lips gently to the blonde's. God it felt so right. He nearly came unglued when Mello's lips started moving against his. After about a minute he pulled away, placing his forehead against Mello's. "I'm sor-" but Mello, cut him off .

"I was wrong. I need you, Matty." He whispered and pressed his lips back to Matt's.

He hadn't called him Matty since they were kids. Mello all but straddled him and ran his tongue over the red head's mouth. Matt gasped and opened his mouth to the blonde's demanding tongue, curling a hand into his hair. Mello ran his hand down the black fabric of the wife beater Matt was wearing, pulling the hem up and running his hand up the bare skin. He pushed him down on the bed, deepening his kisses. Matt couldn't believe this was happening, the feel of Mello's chest on his, the blonde's hand and tongue exploring his body, his nerves were spazing. Mello pulled his shirt off, kissing and sucking the bare flesh. Matt licked his way down the blonde's jaw to his throat where his suckled and nibbled, earning a moan.

After a bit, he slowly pulled away and laid his head down on Matt's chest. "Promise me….something …..Matty…." Mello muttered, trying to catch his breath. "What? " Mello looked up at him. "I want you safe. Promise me that." Matt grinned and brushed some hair out of Mello's face. "I'm serious. If anything happened to you…I would…never forgive myself." He wrapped his arms around Matt and hugged him close, burying his face into the red head's bare chest. "You mean too much to me." He slurred sleepily.

Matt was speechless. So that's why he said those things. Everything made sense now. He pulled the blonde towards him and kissed his forehead. "I promise."

Mello, snuggled up against him, just listening to his racing heartbeat, the sound lulling him to sleep.

What the hell just happened? Was this real? Am I dreaming?

He didn't know what to make of the situation. There was no denying the blonde that was sleeping so peacefully on his chest. Mello would have never done this, would have never have said those things. It was the alcohol. That had to be it. The fucking alcohol! He ran a hand through Mello's hair. He probably wouldn't remember anything. He would just get up before Mello in the morning and "pass out" on the couch, like nothing had happened, though it would kill him inside. He didn't know if he could go back to how it was before. Not after what had happened.

"Matty…." Mello mumbled in his sleep, and snuggled closer to him. Matt wrapped his arms tightly around the blonde. "You mean too much to me too, Mello." He whispered into his ear, a smile spreading across Mello's face.

He would think bout what to do in the morning, he just wanted to savor the feel of having Mello in his arms. Of watching his chest rise and fall with each breath, and how those breaths tickled his bare chest. His heart beating next to his. He wanted nothing more the take in all of it, because it would never happen again, that's for sure. He pulled the sheet up over them and settled into the bed, soon falling asleep to sounds of Mello's breathing.

o.0.o

The next morning, Mello woke with a moan, pressing a shaky hand to his pounding head. He just laid there for a moment, eyes closed and holding his aching head. He had had the most, well …awkwardly…amazing dream. He had dreamt that Matt had come back and they had kissed (among other things) and that Matt had said that he, Mello, meant too much to him. It was a nice dream. If all his dreams were like this then maybe he should get drunk more often. He chuckled at that thought. He stretched and opened his eyes, then froze.

What was Matt doing here? In his bed? Why was he laying practically on top of him?

Mello took in everything. From the fact that he was wearing Matt's shirt, to the way his arms and leg were wrapped possessively around the red head. He looked at said red head as he stirred and opened his eyes.

"Matt?" Mello asked him questioningly. Matt looked at the nearly spazing blonde and knew everything was fucked.

Oh FUCK!

To be continued….

Xoxoxox karaage
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I Blame the Alcohol