A Lesson for Natsu | By : anaeotae Category: +. to F > Fairy Tail Views: 7295 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
A Lesson for Natsu
Part One of Two
Upon the discovery that Natsu of all people had somehow gained free access to Lucy’s extremely hot body, the remaining (single) male mages of Fairy Tail unite against the unfairness of it all. Given that they were the remaining male mages of Fairy Tail, this unification took place around Mirajane’s bar and involved several barrels of hard liquor.
“Does he even care about how huge her tits are?” asked Macao, as he slumped between Wakaba and Cana (who, although not a man, was perfectly willing to discuss Lucy’s curvaceous figure if she was going to get booze out of it). They all three, along with Max and Warren, sighed at the thought of Lucy’s ample bosom being neglected.
“If he’s a real man, he does,” yelled Elfman, unsure but nonetheless enthusiastic. He’d never actually had any serious interest in Lucy or her assets, but he felt as though Natsu didn’t quite qualify to be interested in them either.
Gray just stared into his drink, ignoring the occasional outbursts of woe and trying to think of the exact point that Natsu had managed to develop a romantic relationship with the stellar mage and whether or not he could have somehow prevented the situation with a well-timed ice cannon.
Next to Gray, resembling more of a melted pool of ginger and black, a certain lion spirit was unable to form actual words and had long ago regressed to grumbling and snarling. Never did he imagine that he, the great lady’s man Loke, would ever be rejected in favor of a pink-haired coal-for-brains; he suffered under the dual blow to both his pride and his chances of getting into Lucy’s panties.
Regardless of their thoughts and reasons for concern, all the men present felt a great sense of loss at the thought of Lucy being off the market.
“Aww, boys,” drawled Cana, “the real question isn’t whether or not he cares about her sexy body, but whether or not he knows what to do with it,” because, she thought to herself, it would be an awful shame to waste that body, but a crime for her blonde haired friend to have to wait for Natsu to figure out his way around all those curves.
“Does he even know what sex is?” she wondered aloud.
At this question, the men felt even further defeated. Natsu really shouldn’t have even qualified as a contender, so how did he win? They grumbled to themselves and shifted their eyes to their drinks, looking for answers or resolution.
Feeling inspired and somewhat less self-centered than those around her, Cana came to a decision.
“Someone should really teach him what to do; I know I don’t want to deal with a sexually frustrated Lucy,” she faux simpered and shuddered.
It took a moment for her words to translate into graphic images, but, when they did, the men of Fairy Tail shuddered for real. An angry Lucy was still a hot Lucy, but she was a really scary Lucy, too. It was all very confusing for their collective masculinity.
“Couldn’t we just strap him to a train and take over instead?” asked Gray.
Loke perked up a bit at the suggestion.
Cana, amazed at the callous and shallow behavior, smacked him sloppily on the head.
“Dumbass,” she reminded, “she lllliiikkes him. What are you going to do? Dye your hair pink and pretend that you can use fire magic?”
Gray, to his credit, did feel a little guilty about his suggestion, but he frowned grumpily regardless (he didn’t like the suggestion that it would be so easy for him to pretend to be Natsu). Loke just resumed the full strength of his sulk; he had barely even begun to contemplate the missed opportunities of providing Lucy with unimaginable sensual pleasures.
“We could teach him to be a real man!” shouted Elfman, oblivious to the aid he was lending the scheming card mage and happy to step up to the plate like a real man would.
“Well,” said Cana, entirely pleased with herself, “now that you mention it…I do have a few ideas about that...”
And thus, under the influence of more than the recommended amount of alcohol, the persuasive words of Cana Alberona, and general feelings of unfairness and fear, a plan was born.
It took a bit of deliberation, but it was eventually decided that their mysteriously adopted mission was best undertaken by only one brave mage.
Given his superior experience (a point that Macao and Wakaba had contested until they’d insisted on a thorough tally that had left them both emasculated), personal experience with Lucy (a point that Gray had contested until Loke clarified that it was all from theory, not practice), and general duty to serve his master’s needs (a point that he had contested meant something much more direct), Loke had been the unfortunate male chosen to instruct another on the finer points of Lucy’s body. Under the direction of Cana, his companions gallantly dragged him to Natsu’s shack and deposited him before returning to their drunken revelry.
He only briefly wondered if he was sober enough to assassinate the fire slayer without anyone finding out.
An hour later, when Natsu finally came home after an evening of playing Sneak-Up-On-Lucy-While-She-Writes-Her-Novel (And-Attack-Her-With-Tickles!), he had not expected to see the spirit of the lion sprawled out in a hammock, half falling off and gripping the neck of a bottle in his hand.
Before Natsu had a chance to deface the spirit with a marker, Loke mustered the strength to raise his head up enough to glare dolefully over the top of his skewed sunglasses.
“So,” he drawled, gesturing with the mostly empty bottle, “I’m hear to tell you what makes Lucy hot.” Then he leaned sharply to the left and gracelessly flipped face-first onto the floor.
His shades skittered across the floor and bumped into the mannequin displaying Lucy’s maid costume.
“…Although it looks like that might not be a problem,” Loke mumbled to himself upon seeing the outfit. He attempted to make himself look a bit more respectable. He stood up straight, and tightened his tie. The atmosphere in the room shifted a bit.
“Natsu,” he growled, “you aren’t demeaning my master in anyway, are you?” He made sure to glower and glare menacingly.
“Huh?” Natsu cocked his head to the side, making a perfect picture of naiveté, “why would I be mean to Lucy? She’s my girlfriend!”
The megawatt smile was slightly infuriating, but even the jealous spirit had to admit that the apparent glee on the dragon slayer’s face was pretty damn adorable.
He sighed, resigned to his fate.
“Right, well, if she’s going to be your girlfriend, there are a few things that you need to know how to do…”
It had taken some time, more than either party wanted to admit, to get Natsu to understand alternate meanings to the word “hot.” This is mostly because Natsu refused to admit that anyone knew more about getting someone hotter than himself and continued to challenge Loke to fights until the disgruntled spirit had popped into the spirit world to escape the wildly spreading fires. When he returned, he had visual aids.
If Loke had any lingering doubt about the necessity of this plan, it was squashed at the look of absolute shock and embarrassment on Natsu’s face when he unveiled the first of many diagrams.
Author’s Note: Well, I attempted to use dialogue. It’s not exactly my strongest point, so I hope it doesn’t sound too stilted. Let me know what you think!
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