Unintended

It was not my choice. It was not my intention. I do not feel pride in it, nor do I feel shame.

I did not realize it was happening until it was much too late to remedy, if it ever could have been remedied at all.

My natural inclination to fulfill your contract masked the truth of my feelings.

Ever so gradually, I realized my concern for you, my devotion to you, was not of a practical nature. It was not driven by the contract. It was emotional. It was real. I felt it deeply.

I felt love for you.

For a demon, this is not a happy revelation. For a demon, love is worse than death. Love means loss of all power, and all resolve. Love means exposure to crippling vulnerability while its object is alive, and all-consuming sorrow when, inevitably, my beloved meets his demise. Love will never come again.

As I give myself to this madness in its entirety, as in the end I have no choice but to do, I marvel at the small ways the world has changed around me. Each moment with you shines with poignance. I desire to laugh and cry at the same moment. I desire to hold you, yet I refrain from any show of affection which may be too obvious. Somehow the very repression of my impulses fills me with a type of reckless, self-destructive joy.

You are never to know of this, you understand.

If you returned my feelings, you would surely be as tormented as I am with the revelation. If you did not, you would surely use them against me.

So, my love, continue to rely upon me. I know, with more certainty than you ever will, that I cannot betray you.

Continue to learn from me. I hope one day to say I have made of you the best man you could be.

Continue to command me. Though you will never know it, you no longer have a butler - you have a slave.

A/N: thanks for reading, hope you likey! i may have something a bit longer for you soon... xoxo phoeyay