For Kids My A#*^

BY : Cyberwulf
Category: Pokemon > General
Dragon prints: 9500
Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Cyberwulf now presents for your enjoyment/horror

For Kids My A#*^!!
Ratings :
Ireland Ė 18s
UK Ė 15s
Bible belt of USA Ė XXX
MTV Ė all the sexual innuendo you like , but the mere mention of violence is not allowed .


(The scene is a country road just outside Pallet Town . It cuts through a wood , so naturally it is lined by trees and bushes . There is a lone two-storey house a little distance back off the road . In the bushes , Team Rocket is plotting their latest diabolical scheme . . .
Jessie , James and Meowth are all scanning the road with binoculars . James sighs and puts his binoculars down .)

James (grumbles): Thereís no sign of the twerps anywhere !
Meowth : Be patient , will ya ! Deyíll be here !

(Jessie sets down her binoculars .)

Jessie (sighs): Iím bored . (She has a thought , and orders) Lie down , James !
James looks at her in terror .
James : No , Jessie ! Please ! I donít want to !

(Jessie pushes him down and straddles him .)

Jessie : Donít act like you donít like it , James ! Now take your belt off !
Meowth (indignant): Oh , sure ! No one gets a hose when itís two humans !
Ash : Hey !

(Jessie , James and Meowth look around . Jessie gets off James quickly . Ash , Misty , Brock and Tracey are standing there .)

Ash : Thatís not suitable for a kidís cartoon !
Oak : I disagree , Ash .

(All of them turn and stare in puzzlement at Professor Oak , whoís just arrived out of nowhere .)

Oak : Have you seen the level of violence in Gundam Wing and Dragonball Z ? And speaking of Dragonball Z , have you seen the wayter ter Roshi ogles women and looks at girlie magazines ? Not to mention Future Trunks describing his parentsí relationship Ė which culminated in his birth Ė as a Ďpassion thingí. After all , if you werenít dubbed , you yourself would be swearing , Ash . Under the circumstances , I think Jessie and James should be allowed to have all the sex they can eat . . . (He pauses , and muses) . . . though I must say Jamesís general behaviour is highly suspect . . .
Ash (brightly): Youíre right , Professor ! Iím taking up smoking ! And swearing ! And Iím changing my name back to Satoshi ! Pikachu !
Pikachu : Pika ?
Ash : Feel free to hump anything you want !
Pikachu (in relief): Pika pi-ka !

(It hops straight over to Traceyís Marril and gets busy .)

Misty : Iím going to start acting like a tramp !

(She jumps out of shot , and returns , dressed in a pink halter-top , little shorts , and a puffy silver jacket . Togepi is now strapped into a battered buggy , bawling its eyes out .)

Misty (violently rocking the buggy): Shut up !

(She takes out a cigarette and lights up .)

Ash : Hey , gimme a fag , bitch-face !
Misty : Fuck off and get your own , shit-head !

(As Ash tries to grab a cigarette from Misty , Tracey announces ,)

Tracey : Well , itís back to spying on women for me !

(He turns to the house and takes out his binoculars . He gapes at one of the upstairs windows , giggling .)

Brock : I can finally fulfil my dream of becoming a porn star !

(Suddenly a flash red car pulls up . Itís full of half-naked sexy ladies . Gary Oak , wearing a fur coat , sunglasses , platform shoes and a big hat , and twirling a cane , jumps over the door . Ash stares at him , a cigarette hanging from his lip .)

Gary : Hey there , losers !
Ash : Fuck , Gary ! Youíre a pimp ?
Gary : Ah , I prefer to be called a businessman . Hereís my card .

(Ash takes it . It reads ,)

Ash : ĎFor Foxy Ladies in a Flash , Just Call Gary Oak , Palletís Number One Pimpí. Ha ha , you stupid dip-shit , Gary ! You put pimp on your card !
Gary (aggravated): Yeah , whatever . Anyway , did someone say they wanted to be a porn star ?
Brock : Thatís me !
Gary : Great . I also direct adult movies . Iíve been lookiní for a stud like you . Hop in .
Brock : Wahoo !

(He jumps in the back of the car with the girls .)

Jessie : Iím going to be a dominatrix !

(She takes out a whip from nowhere and starts flexing it .)

James : And I can be a professional drag queen !
Jessie : Oh no you donít , James ! Youíre going to be my sex slave ! (She cracks her whip .) Now put on this dog collar !

(James puts it on . Jessie grabs him by it and drags him further into the bushes .)

Meowth : Aní while deyíre gettiní on wití dat , I can go back ta experimentiní wití drugs !

(He puts an acid tab on his tongue and dissolves into a happy stupor . Suddenly everyone stands back as a helicopter comes down and hovers just above the road . Giovanni appears in the doorway .)

Giovanni : And speaking of drugs , I can reveal my true occupation Ė Druglord ! Here , kids , have some free samples .

(He throws a few packets of suspicious-looking powder from the helicopter before flying off .)

Gary : Yeah ! Here you go , girls ! Youíre gonna need some more smack !

(He , Brock and the girls roar off in his car . Tracey is busy climbing up a tree Ė all the better to ogle from . Pikachu and Marril are shagging like bunnies . Meowth is in Acidland , and God knows what Jessie is doing to James . . . though Iím sure all those hentai/lemon authors have their own opinions . Ash and Misty shrug , and head off down the road , singing/shouting ,)

Ash/Misty : Shut your fucking face , uncle fucker !
Youíre a cock-sucking ass-licking uncle fucker !
Youíre an uncle fucker , yes itís true ,
Nobody fucks uncles quite like you . . .

(Professor Oak is left alone on the road . He looks around and nods in satisfaction . He turns to head back to Pallet .)

Oak (brightly): Aah ! And now to ride Mrs. Ketchum !

The End

(If you experienced any conditions which detracted from the theatrical presentation of this motion picture , just call 1-800-THX and they will wonder what the hell you are talking about before calling the men in white coats . Your statutory rights are not affected . Yahoo ! Yahoo ! Yahoo ! etc.)


You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story