(Never) Let Him Know

BY : SilentJo
Category: -Misc Anime > Yaoi - Male/Male
Dragon prints: 1362
Disclaimer: I do not own Tokyo Ghoul or any of the characters in the series. I am making no money from this story.

My day started out just like all the others before it. I went to my college classes in the morning, then my part-time job at the local grocery store in the afternoon. And just like any regular day, I found myself waiting for him to arrive. My attention was drawn to him the first time he visited the store, but I know I've seen him around campus as well. He was a soft-hearted kind of guy, respectful and friendly. A refreshing change from the rushed and moody customers that come in to shop. I felt such a duality when we interacted, both calm and nervous at one time. Even as I fumbled to get his correct change, he kept that smile on his face and thanked me genuinely before leaving. Anxiety twisted in my chest as I watched him go. That emotion replaced with a sudden loneliness I wasn't expecting. Without realizing it, my mind raced with thoughts of how or when I'd get to see him again.

That was two months ago, so those aching feelings have only burrowed further into my body. My only respite is when he visits the store, where I can get my small fix from his presence. Watching him pick out his groceries, I wonder what he's going to make with them, as well as for who. A guy like him would have a girlfriend, so I'd imagine that he would cook for her. Sometimes, those thoughts would wander off track, where suddenly I was the one sitting at the table as he lovingly served me his home-cooked meal. I'd catch myself before I let the dream play out for too long. Just long enough to enjoy the pleasant moments but avoiding the inevitable disappointment when he makes it clear that I was in the wrong place. I knew better, but I'd still indulge myself anyway.

"Ah, he's here!" I quietly proclaimed as I watched Hide walk through the sliding doors and pick up a grocery basket. Just knowing he was in the building was enough to make my stomach float. A smile crept across my face and even the customers I rang up would notice and subsequently raise their spirits as well. To think he had such charisma to affect not only my mood but those I interacted with as well...

But it's foolish of me to believe that it could move any further than where it is right now. A one-sided crush is all this is, like it or not. I made up my mind to never let him know how I felt. Why would a guy as perfect as him even think of giving someone like me that same kind of attention, especially as another guy?

"Good evening Kaneki, it's nice to see you again, are you taking customers?" Hide said as he approached the beginning of my register line.

"Oh, hello Hide, yeah I-I'm open," I said nervously as I smiled and waved him over. He unloaded his basket onto the belt, and I rang up his order as usual. I found it hard to look at him during most of the transaction, but as he focused on the card reader, I'd steal a glance and admire how flawless his face looked. His gentle milk chocolate eyes darted back and forth between the credit card screen and his wallet. Suddenly, he met my eyes, catching me as I watched him. I quickly looked away, feeling my cheeks flare up with embarrassment. As his transaction finished, I grabbed his receipt. With the last ounce of courage left in me, I looked his way to hand it to him and saw him smiling. "Oh, uhm, here's your receipt, th-thanks for shopping at Mado's, g-good night."

"Thanks, Kaneki, see you next time!" Hide said as he took the paper from my hand. His fingers lightly grazed the back of my hand, sending a chill up through my arm. He waved as he picked up his bags and walked out the door. All I could do was trace the path that his fingers had just taken with my own and watch him go.

"Kaneki, while it's slow, why don't you go outside and bring in some of the carts," my manager said as she walked past the registers on the way to her office.

"Sure thing, Miss Akira," I replied, even though I knew she had gone too far to hear it. She was the one who had hired and trained me, so I felt like she deserved a lot of respect. Her father was the owner of Mado's Grocery and Supplies, although I didn't see him often. I grabbed my black and white hoodie from the coat rack near the exit and stepped out into the cold November evening. Our lot was small but crowded since there were other shops along with our building. Cars weaved in and out of the lanes as I slowly gathered the carts. A horn blared behind me as one vehicle nearly backed up into another. Startled, I kept moving forward and glanced back for a moment. Before I could bring my attention back to the front, a pair of headlights blinded me from the left.

After that, I collapsed into darkness.

"Kaneki! Kaneki! Wake up, please! Someone call an ambulance quick! I'm sorry, Kaneki, so sorry!"

Whose voice am I hearing? Why do they sound so panicked and emotional?

I opened my eyes; the world blurred around me. A shock of pain made me twist them closed again. "Aghh!" I cried out, still unsure of what was going on around me. I heard other voices surrounding me, but none of their words made sense. It was like the murmur in a crowded subway. A siren pierced through the rest of the garbled noise, gradually gaining volume. But where was it going? It sounded close by; I wonder where it was headed.

"I was leaving the lot when my phone went off. I only took a moment to look at it, and when I looked back, he was just suddenly there. I panicked, and I accidentally hit the gas instead of the brake. Officer, I honestly can't tell you how sorry I am! Please take care of him. I'll do whatever it takes as long as he's okay!"

That voice again... So, if what he's saying is true...

"Nnngh!" I cried out again as I felt my body being moved by someone other than myself. The pain only intensified, even with my eyes closed I could feel the world fading away. As I lost consciousness, all I could hear was that lone voice begging for me to survive.

The same voice that put me in this situation also seemed to be the only one concerned for me at that moment. I didn't want to lose that voice, that connection, but the pain won in the end.

Perhaps I'll find that voice again if I live through this.

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