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Reviews for Knowing Where to Belong

By : squishythingsbetweenurtoes

From quamp on April 30, 2008
You've got quite a number of problems with this one.
First, your paragraphs seem too long - separate them more. Nobody likes a text wall of doom.
Second, you turn Karin into the reader and into a very obvious Mary Sue. Nobody likes Mary Sue.
Third, I had always heard taki as Japanese fo waterfall.
Fourth, the story would be better told if you didn't involve the reader. I really did not appreciate becoming a Mary Sue when I'm male.
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