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Reviews for Yokubou

By : MoonDaisuke
  • From ANON - ree on October 11, 2006
    that was good, but there are mistakes that you need to fix.
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  • From ANON - MakoKam on January 08, 2006
    GREAT STORYYY!!! =) AWWW I ALWAYS LIKES SEIYAAAA!! =) Wow, you write beautifully.. good job!!
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  • From Ivadell on December 28, 2005
    Hey, it's me. You asked me to take a look at this a while ago and, well, here I am! It's interesting, but the first chapter seems strangely rushed. Maybe try to slow it down a little. And the dream sequence was a little confusing. Just a little, but maybe it's just the way I read, lol ^.~

    You might find that it reads easier if you read it aloud to yourself and add a little more punctuation. Mostly just commas. Just try to break up your sentences a little, to me they feel a little...I don't know, long? Not the word I'm looking for, but it's the closest thing I could think of. But again, that may just be my writing/reading style.

    Their speech seems to be a little formal in the earlier chapters, even Usagi's. Substitute one or two "cannot"s for a "can't", maybe, especially when the Inners are talking amongst each other. Can you really imagine Minako saying "cannot" unless she were talking about something big? Ami, maybe, and I understand it when the Lights say it (They're vampires in this or something, right?), but very few others.

    It's a good story with quite a bit of potential. It just needs some tweaking, I think. ^.~
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  • From ANON - EMP on October 08, 2005
    Wonderful story! I've been wanting to read a Starlights x Usagi lemon... I've seen her with just Seiya, but never all three. I hope you write a sequel, I would love to read more!
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  • From ANON - deep serenity on September 25, 2005
    HI! well not bad at all, I'll be reading more so look for me.
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  • From ANON - Me... on September 25, 2005
    *stares blankly and sighs*Damn it. I wanted her to die! Curse you!
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  • From ANON - It\'s Me. Again... on September 22, 2005
    o.0 Dude, Taiki and Yaten are so evil! I LOVE IT! YAY! *dances* This is a really, really good story. I wanna know what my two favorite Starlights are plotting.
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  • From ANON - Sera Sutaa Meikaa on September 20, 2005
    0.0 SUGOI! I love it! It's really, really good!
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  • From thewindthesea on September 18, 2005
    Yay! It's good! I lurve it! You're awesome! *hugs*

    I'm a tad hyper.

    P.S. I got a review defending Nothing to Life For on ff.net. This person went off on Rabbit!
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