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Reviews for Anxiety-Ridden Honeymoon ~Mellow Version~

By : AsukaAndShinjiForever
  • From ANON - The Invincible Shinji on April 13, 2009
    This is a great A/S fic, finally one that i was really glad to have read, its my favorite fic yet besides Shinji and Asuka talking in the same paragraph there were no other problems in my opinion i think they're both in character and we don't know how much they changed after Third Impact i like this is what happened after EoE great work.
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  • From LordSaturn on November 13, 2007
    I had started to read this but was distracted and didn’t finish it.

    Shinji’s first jack off scene had Lord Saturn on his back like a rat on Decon! I was laughing soooo hard! And a “pinky-swear”..groan, Lord Saturn buries his face in his hands.

    Ok now that I have finished reading the whole story I’ll give you my review. So bend over and apply some water based lubricant to your behind.

    First, a new line every time a character opens their mouth. I can’t stress that enough. No proofreader would let you get away with the way that you ran dialog together here.

    There were a few technical mistakes but nothing too serious. Probably the biggest one that comes to mind was the bathtub scene. The problem with having any kind of sex under water is that a woman’s natural lubrication dissipates the instant that it is secreted. Having Shinji put his fingers in her wasn’t a bad idea because a woman needs to clean herself there too, just like a man needs to pull his foreskin back and wash his penis. Odor and bacterial infections are the result of improper hygiene. But to vigorously ‘pump’ her there would probably be uncomfortable; you’re a girl you tell me, lol. I’ll give you literary license on where they got the hot water.

    I think that you may have over played the masturbation thing a little because that is really the only thing that they did. The time span was only two days so I wouldn’t expect them to have intercourse yet but I think that they would have indulged in other kinds of exploration.

    By the way the age of consent in Japan is 18. My information comes from ethnic Japanese that live and work in their home country of Japan and visit the US now and then to see friends. What that means is at 18 they can marry, sign documents and generally make decisions for themselves, as adults. It doesn’t mean that 13 year old kids don’t sneak off and do it like hamsters and there is much less of a stigma about it than here in the US. The drinking age is 20 years old.

    But in this story it doesn’t matter because there is no one left to enforce any rules, which means they can do any thing that they want to.

    Now don’t get me wrong. I liked this story and I think that you should go back and take care of the dialog problem. Then think about a chapter two. I just couldn’t set back and watch you make this kind of mistake. You’re just too good at writing.

    Talent is a terrible thing to waste. Get a proofreader (I’ll help when I’m able to).

    Dale (AKA 94saturn)

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  • From ANON - Andrew Williams on September 23, 2007
    Are there plans for a sequel. I sincerely hope so because that was a great story. And I'm not even a big Evangelion fan. Thanks for the story.
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  • From zentillion on April 01, 2007
    Woohoo! I've been looking for this story. XD Very nice. despite the nature of the world, Shinji and Asuka manage to make it by alright, because of each other. Well-written and heartwarming... and steamy in some spots, too. :3 It's interesting to see them just engae in mtual masturbation instead of full-out doing it, though that's not bad, either, it just works here. Good work, SSD!

    (Oh yeah, jus to note, this is Omegagouki from EMF. *waves*)
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  • From AsukaAndShinjiForever on March 31, 2007
    Hello everyone! ^_^ I just wanted to say thanks so far for your kind words and constructive criticism. ^_^ I was able to fix the formatting with this, so hopefully that's okay. There will be a follow-up on this, so keep an eye out for it! And yes, there will be some plugsuit sex SAABISU in it. (I see somebody else has watched that Eva Hentai video, lol. ;)) Thanks again for your reviews and take care!
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  • From Gunwild on March 19, 2007
    I rather liked this. While yes, you do have mechanics problems, and I think your dialogue is a tad unrealistic (though very much in the Eva style), you got a lot in here that seems... appropriate to the situation. The mutual masturbation especially was a good touch, as it made them seem very fourteen, which is something a lot of people forget to do. It impressed me. I do hope you take us to more Eva places, soon.
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  • From ANON - ToughCritic on February 22, 2007
    Hey i love ur story! I say its just as good as body heat! so loving and sweet but can u do one with them wearing plug suit sex? :D
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  • From ANON - Rommel on February 20, 2007
    This is really good, but you need a pre-reader. It's just small stuff like having two people talking in the same parragraph. All in all, a really good story.
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