rate_review Reviews

That was poinant, and thought-provoking. Again, to eriterate the author\'s POV: DON\'T SMOKE!!! And if you do smoke, QUIT!!!

PIKACHU GODDESS
(o\';\'o)

Before I say anything more, I\'d just like to mention that I didn\'t finish the story. I tried, but it was jumping around too much and it was difficult for me to understand what you were trying to say. Normally I wouldn\'t do this, but I just needed to ask/say something: English isn\'t your first language, is it? I\'m so, so sorry if it is and I just insulted you but your grammar sounds like the speach of someone who\'s still learning English. My main point in this is that you should really get an English-speaking beta reader. It\'s a lot easier than you would think to find one and I know that a lot of people are eager to help writers who actually want to improve since there are so many who only post their stories in order to get adoring responses.

Other than your awkward grammar, the biggest problem was your jumping between tenses. I know it\'s a problem that a *lot* of people have, but a beta could also help you with that.

I really did want to read your fic (it sounds interesting!) but I\'m a grammar-nazi and sometimes I just can\'t manage. :( I\'m sorry if that offends you, I truly am, and I wish you all the luck in the world in your future writings. :)

Its so sad and very touching. While I was reading, it made me think about some of the things that your fic shows or somewhat poses to pepol. Its a really great story to show what some of the things even the little things in life can do to hurt the peron and their love ones. This story really inspired me, and I\'m planning to let a friend of mine read it, \'cuz I dont want her to end up with a similar fate as Yuki did. well anyways I gotta go now, Laterz!

Just asking... But... Are you by any chance from Malaysia and have gotten inspiration for your story from Kaoru\'s Siri Maskerat Cinta comics??? :) Just asking, hope you don\'t get angry! Overall, it\'s great :)

I really like you story, and I didn\'t notice any kind of mistakes, because I was so pulled in by your story. It\'s a very sad one so far and it feels kind of.....real. I guess that\'s because people can really die from lung cancer and it\'s something that can hit close to home for lots of people. Keep up the good work on you story and update soon, PLEASE!!
-Jesse

Hey, you\'re the one who wrote \"Ng_ High School Bttle\" right? I read this story a long time ago and now I waite for a next chapter. This story here is also very good, but very sad. I don\'t want Yuki to die!! That\'s too sad for the poor Shuichi. Anyway, you\'re a really good writer so please update soon (also at \"Ng - High School Battle please!!).

Oh that\'s sooo sad! Yuki CAN\'T die!!! *You wouldn\'t let him die, would you?* But pleeeaaasseeeeeeee update soon. It\'s such a beautiful story.