schedule
May 2, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Y'know... I dunno if anyone has pointed this out to you yet or not, but it would save a lot of time if you were to just have the characters SAY the words in English as opposed to having them speak halfway Japanese and having to write out a translation/pronunciation guide. Other than this fairly minor gripe it's not a bad story. Just don't try to turn it into a Japanese lesson.
schedule
November 11, 2007 at 12:00 AM
The formatting needs a little work and using copyright symbols is confusing. Most people use 'x' to indicate what people are thinking. You might consider putting the translations at the top. But you are using a lot of Japanese, generally speaking that is a no no.
The story is a nice WAFF. A little rushed but in an AU it could happen. They just decided to be a couple too quickly without any explanation. It would be worth going back and rework the formatting, spelling and flesh it out some more. Then add a second chapter with the two spending a day together on a date, they could return to Rei’s apartment and make love.
Well done.
Dale (AKA 94saturn)
The story is a nice WAFF. A little rushed but in an AU it could happen. They just decided to be a couple too quickly without any explanation. It would be worth going back and rework the formatting, spelling and flesh it out some more. Then add a second chapter with the two spending a day together on a date, they could return to Rei’s apartment and make love.
Well done.
Dale (AKA 94saturn)
schedule
March 27, 2007 at 12:00 AM
normal Fanfiction.net would have accepted this under their teen rating, unless your planing on hot asuka/rei sex in another chapter this doesn't need to be here.