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April 16, 2008 at 12:00 AM
This has a lot of potential.
The idea is really powerful, but it loses a lot of that power in the rushed manner in which it was done, and frequent grammar mistakes.
However, it was still well written - you led each event in to the other smoothly and it flowed pretty well.
Kudos on the reversal of the conversation though - it was great.
The idea is really powerful, but it loses a lot of that power in the rushed manner in which it was done, and frequent grammar mistakes.
However, it was still well written - you led each event in to the other smoothly and it flowed pretty well.
Kudos on the reversal of the conversation though - it was great.
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November 12, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I really like this a lot. I love your style and I like the idea of their role reversal. It's very well done and I can't wait to see how this progresses.
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July 4, 2007 at 12:00 AM
this is just luscious... and the gut wrenching sorrow has me hanging by a thread
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May 23, 2007 at 12:00 AM
great story
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May 23, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Thank you very much everybody for your reviews! I'm thinking of making a couple of spin off after this. One's about what Misa did on her last day...Matsuda! hehe poor joke. but seriously, they get it on. Tell me what you think if you see this!
Ooodles and noddles...Zannie
God I sound like Misa Misa. Maybe Zannie will talk in third person too...
Ooodles and noddles...Zannie
God I sound like Misa Misa. Maybe Zannie will talk in third person too...
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May 22, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I know it was rushed! I finished it at 4 in the morning, (cries) I might redo it. Although did it sound desperate enough? I wanted to try and make it seem as if light was grasping at straws and L was letting him.
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May 22, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Wow that was your first sex scene, totally hot. A little more details would have been nicer though.
But otherwise than that it was good. I like your Light as an uke.
Interesting story can`t wait to read more. I`ll give you cookies if you update soon :)
Oh and to answer your question Light definetely sounded desperate moreso at the end of the scene.
But otherwise than that it was good. I like your Light as an uke.
Interesting story can`t wait to read more. I`ll give you cookies if you update soon :)
Oh and to answer your question Light definetely sounded desperate moreso at the end of the scene.
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May 22, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I first thought this wouldn't be that great, but you did it really nicel. It was a little strange having Light be the one hearing things, but it's cute.
And the sex scene was good, though a little more fluff would have been nicer. We want them to be lovey, not horny (though it is always nice <3)
Awesome job, keep up the good work!
And the sex scene was good, though a little more fluff would have been nicer. We want them to be lovey, not horny (though it is always nice <3)
Awesome job, keep up the good work!
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May 1, 2007 at 12:00 AM
everyone did the different point of views on episode 25 but you are the first one who reversed the roles of the characters! It is so unique that I want to read all three chapters at once if that was possible; I know I have to wait, but hell, the idae is good, the writing is good and ýt captures a different aspect of Raito's personality which is so likely of existing in him. I love you for re-doing this ep. with this twist! cookies for ya!