rate_review Reviews

The more yaoi, the merrier we all are, aren't we? But I'll stick with this story whatever your choice, I really like it!

please update!!!! i really want to see what happens next!!!!

omg, you can't leave it like this...must...have...more,PLZ!!!

I like it. ^.^ When I read the first chapter the other day, I thought it was a oneshot. Keep it up!

whoa...this story is a new twist...if he can't go to heaven or hell I guess it's the middle huh?

But...it's actually interesting and good; I want to know more about this place and their situation. Keep it up

Ah! I'm so happy you're continuing this! I'm reviewing as I'm reading, so bare with me. I really enjoy how you take your time describing the monotonous. Its brilliant and colorful; it adds depth to a slow crawling madness.

I'm love this idea you have so much, I'm going to suggest a few things. Nothing major! I'm not that presumptuous. Just some spelling suggestions. So far, I've noticed only a few--and one carries over from the previous post. Lawliet, I'm almost positive, has an "i" between the second "l" and the "e". If I'm wrong, forgive me. Also, appreachate is "appreciate". makeing is "making". debateing is "debating". voteing is "voting"--and so forth and so on.

I am not, in any way, nitpicky. I just know, that for some readers, if the spelling and grammar is out of sorts, they'll skip over it--and I would hate to see anyone miss out on this story. Really! I'm a fan. I'm not the best speller myself, so when I'm writing, I use the spellcheck program that comes with most Microsoft Word. For the longest time, I didn't have access to a spellcheck program, so I asked fellow writers to beta for me. I'm sure, if you needed one, there would be plenty of writers/readers who would love to beta for you, should ask.

Oh! I adore this narrative. In the beginning of this chapter, there was this whole section dedicated to that slow, crawling madnass I wrote about earlier--and you brilliantly used the tennis matches and chess ga,mes to describe that. And then later on in the chapter, you structure single words to powerfully translate despair in nothingness. Despair isn't easy to write, and to do so without bleeding it out unnecessarily is fantastic!

I wonder, have you read T.S. Eliot's The Waste Land? If not, its a must! One of my all time favorites, and has that particular mood and "after-death" translation thing you've got going on here.

Regarding your question: Hmmm. Well, you've established already that their bodies don't...have substance; so I'm finding it hard to imagine alot of yaoi (even though that would be quite yummy). I read this fic once--a Bleach one, if my brain isn't screwing with me--where these two characters were trapped in this cave, and time lost all its existence and eventually they think they're dead and that this was eternity. And it had an abundance of fun smut. Gritty, heartbreaking smut; but fun nonetheless. I'm game for either/or. However, it would be intriguing to see how you keep it interesting without yaoi.

Thank you for the update! Again, I'm so thrilled you're continuing this!

Joie,
Gloria

Was recommended to read this by Gloria, and it was worth it! (Incidentally, it amuses me that she's the only other one who commented, but it's also sad...) I loved your use of color, and how you worked in the way they're often shown as being the way Light imagines them. Also loved the name-telling being the thing that destroys Light's concept of what gives you power in the afterlife! Them being trapped in the void eternally is a bittersweet sort of image, and I like it.

Ha! I've been waiting for someone to do something like this! Well done! I enjoyed it immensely. Would be interesting to have more. Little snippets of eternity between those two. I'd read it...and give you a bowl full of cookies.

Much love!
Gloria