Gravity Falls: Reaching the Stars

Title: Gravity Falls: Reaching the Stars
Author: JadeHeart
Archived: Found on gurabiteshiyon.net & CLAMPesque Board. If anyone else would like it, please ask me first!
Fandom: Gravitation (anime only)
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: reference to gang rape, graphic sex, bad language
Timeline: After the ‘supposed’ beating Shuichi receives from Taki Aizawa.
Pairing: Shuichi/Yuki
Feedback: Yes, please – if you like.

Summary: Yuki finally realises that the ‘beating’ that Shuichi suffered at the hands of Taki was much more. Now he has to try and make Shuichi forget, and rekindle their relationship.

Author’s Notes: This follows on from my story Gravity Falls: Crashing to Earth, but it is not an exact continuation. The anime only hints that Shuichi was raped. Please take heed of the warnings as I don’t wish to offend.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, they belong to the creators of ‘Gravitation’, nor am I making any profits from this.


Yuki didn’t know what was going on.

He had reached out to Shuichi, grabbing his arm forcefully, pulling him toward him as he usually did, his actions automatic, with little thought behind them. But instead of the instant submissiveness he was used to, instead of the feel of two thin arms wrapping around his waist eagerly. Instead of the compliant body moulding to his, he felt a resistance. Instead of moving forward, he felt Shuichi pull back. Away from him.

He had immediately released the boy and brushed him aside, shrugging away his stammered apologies and excuses, angry at the signs of refusal. He had stormed into his office, saying he had work to do, almost slamming the door behind him.

He sat staring at his laptop, the screen blank. He had been sitting like that for some time. Three cigarette butts littered the ash tray next to him, another between his fingers almost burnt down.

He gritted his teeth and fumed in frustration. What was wrong with the brat?! he growled to himself, stubbing the butt down violently, and crushing it. He reached for his packet and realised it was empty. Damn!

He opened the drawer of his desk. The brat had been a pain for ages. First he had stayed with Hiro for a while. That had irked Yuki and he didn’t know why. He hadn’t really thought about why Shuichi hadn’t returned to his place. He had actually welcomed the peace and quiet. The pesky kid would turn up eventually – he unfortunately always did.

Then he had found out from Hiro of the beating Shuichi had got at the hands of Taki. Well, he had put a stop to that. It was over with, finished, and Taki wouldn’t be hurting Shuichi ever again.

Shuichi had then returned not long after, just as Yuki had predicted, and his quiet peacefulness was soon shattered by the exuberant enthusiasm that boiled constantly out of the boy. He was exhausting to have around! He drove Yuki to complete distraction most times! But he was also young, good looking and sometimes very, very cute, and Yuki didn’t mind indulging in that now and again. And it had been a while since he had.

But suddenly Shuichi seemed so extremely busy, working late each night, often coming home well after Yuki had gone to bed, quite often leaving at first light. Yuki would generally find Shuichi already up and dressed from where he had been sleeping on the lounge, when he rose for breakfast. He would generally get nothing more than a cheery ‘good morning and bye!’, with a cheeky smile. Occasionally, a passing peck on the cheek as the slight figure disappeared out the door. And the frustration inside Yuki had continued to grow, to boil, to seethe.

So tonight he had made his move, showing Shuichi in no uncertain terms that he was not to be put off this time and Shuichi….pulled away.

What the hell was wrong with the kid?! Yuki thought, hand scrabbling through the clutter, searching for his cigarettes. He was sure he had another packet in here. Usually the brat clung to him like a bloody limpet! He usually likes all the touchy-feely stuff!

His fingers closed around something other than a cigarette packet. Something small and round. He pulled it out. Lying on his open palm was a roll of film. The roll of film that he had taken from Taki. He must have just tossed it into the drawer when he had emptied the pockets of his coat, not even giving it a passing thought. He had completely forgotten it was there.

He frowned as he looked at that innocent object. Just what had Taki really thought he could accomplish with photos of Shuichi being beat up? Yuki really wasn’t that concerned about it, and he didn’t think too many other people would have been either. It seemed a rather pointless exercise.

A worm of a thought began to squirm in the back of his mind, in an area of his thoughts that he generally kept tightly locked down. Thoughts linked to the past, the past he wanted nothing more than to forget.

He closed his fist around the film, gripping it tight enough to feel the end digging into his flesh, deep enough to almost cut. He abruptly pushed his chair back and stood. He opened the door and walked out.

Shuichi lay huddled on the lounge, knees drawn up, arms locked around them, chin resting there. His eyes were fixed on the TV and Yuki could see he was watching one of his many tapes of Nittle Grasper. Although the pose was familiar, there still seemed something wrong with it. With him.

Yuki pulled on his coat, thrusting his hand into the pocket to drop the film in. As he pulled on his shoes, he spoke to the still figure. “I’m going out for a bit.” and turned to the door.

He half expected Shuichi to questioned him, complain that he wasn’t saying where he was going, or why, and couldn’t he, Shuichi, come with him?

But there was none of that. Just a quiet “Okay.”. That was unnerving, and Yuki couldn’t help but slam the door on his leaving.

He walked down the street, coat flapping around his legs in the wind, collar turned up against the cold. It was late, nearly midnight. He continued to walk for two blocks to reach his destination. Here was a 24 hour shop, not unusual in itself, but this one also had the facilities to develop film whilst you waited.

He handed over the roll and went to get himself some cigarettes, buying a second packet as a spare for his study. He wandered outside and lit up, leaning back against the wall, cigarette between his lips, hands thrust in his pockets. He could still feel that worm turning in his brain, and as the time ticked on and his cigarette burnt down, it was joined by another worm, this time churning in his stomach. He watched nothing, paying no mind to his surroundings, merely smoking.

Finally he looked at his watch. Should be done, he thought, and dropped the butt he was still holding to the ground, to join the others littered around his feet. He turned and re-entered the shop. The packet was pushed across the counter to him and he merely picked it up and thrust it into his deep coat pockets. Silently he paid and left.

He walked along slowly, hand resting over the packet, feeling the paper crinkling under his fingers as he moved. He stopped outside his door, making no move to insert his key and enter.

He felt the darkness of the night pressing in around him, starting to feel like he was suffocating. He realised he was breathing fast, too fast, his heart beginning to pound. With hands that slightly shook he withdrew the packet, opening it, reaching in and pulling the coloured glossy prints out. They fanned in his large hand and his eyes fixed on the images branded there.

He felt his chest constrict, his guts knot. He felt like his head was going to explode. He couldn’t stop himself as he looked at each photo, one at a time, seeing the scene played out before him in still life. He mind began to scream as he eyes fixed on that one familiar face. A face distorted with pain, with tears as he had never seen before, with despair, horror, agony. Expressions that had no place on that face, and Yuki would never have believed could ever have been on that face. Expressions that Yuki never wanted to have ever seen on that face, for he had never wanted that face to have known those feelings. He knew those feelings, his face had expressed them. Many years ago. But this young face should never have been touched by any of this.

His hands were trembling, with pain, with hurt, and with a deep, dark, foreboding anger. An anger full of blackness and death. An anger he had felt once before, and was stilled only when it had been washed away with blood.

He stood there in the night, his door light pooling around him, as his whole body shook. He continued to stare at the pictures, they were seared into the back of his eyes, into his mind. His vision was fading in and out, black spots dancing before him, the images growing hazy.

Then something fell. Something wet, a droplet, falling to land on the photo. It landed on the face the photo had captured, and slid downwards. Startled, Yuki realised that it was a tear. He was crying. He could feel other tears now, unshed ones clinging to his lashes, a cold trail down his cheek where others had fallen.

He turned and slumped back against the door, head leaning backwards as he gazed unseeing upwards, hands hanging limply by his side, one still clutching the horrific pictures. He felt another tear escape from the corner of his eye and slip downwards.

He understood now. Understood what was wrong with Shuichi. How had he been so blind?! All the signs had been there for him to see, and who better to have been able to pick up on those signals but someone who had been there himself? He should have seen!

He felt anger again, not the black killing rage, but just anger. Anger at himself, anger at Shuichi, anger at Hiro. Hiro obviously knew. That was why Shuichi had stayed with him, had gone to him after what Taki had done. Hiro hadn’t said anything to him, and Yuki was angry about that. The bastard should have told me! Shuichi was with me! Shuichi should have come immediately to him, not to Hiro. Why did the kid do that? Go to his best mate instead of Yuki, after all his protestations of love. Damn kid! He should have come to /him/!

But, said a small voice in the back of his mind, cutting through the anger, what had he ever done to show Shuichi that he would have been able to accept what had happened to the boy. That he would have been able to comfort the hurts, both physical and emotional. Nothing, never. All he had ever shown the boy was how sarcastic, how cold, how uncaring he was. And he had told the boy on more than one occasion that he was nothing more than a convenience at this time. No wonder Shuichi hadn’t come to him.

What did amaze him was that Shuichi returned at all. After what he had gone through, why did he still then come back to be with Yuki? No wonder Shuichi had made certain he was ‘too busy’ for anything, always rushing off. Spending time with Yuki, but making certain it was never too long, or could become something more than just some moments together.

No wonder tonight, when Yuki had grabbed him, he had pulled away. Yuki was surprised the kid hadn’t run away screaming. That one action of his would have brought all those buried memories crashing to the surface. Yuki understood that only too well.

He raised the photos, looking at them again, this time mentally distancing himself from the stark reality they represented. He could picture it all only too well. Shuichi hadn’t just been raped. He had been raped multiple times. Three men. Three men that took the boy’s innocence, abused his body so much that blood coated it. The photos looked like they themselves were bleeding. There was a lot of blood, Yuki thought absently, a lot. He had been really badly hurt. It was a miracle he had made it to Hiro’s at all. Stubborn little bugger, he thought, he wouldn’t have given up that easily. He never did.

And he had let it all happen to protect Yuki. That much Hiro had told him, though now that he knew the full truth of what had occurred, that statement meant a lot, lot more. Shuichi took all of that, went through all of that. For him. How could the kid think Yuki was worth all that? Why was Yuki worth so much to him?!

Hiro would have had a job and a half looking after Shuichi during those first few days. He was a good friend to the kid. Probably the best he could have. No wonder Hiro had been so furious. He really had been ready to take Yuki on, no holds barred. Now Yuki couldn’t help but wonder, that just perhaps Hiro would have won their little tussle. Because he would have had a lot of rage to unleash at seeing the abuse Shuichi had suffered. Seeing it, and understanding it.

He reached the last of the photos. Even through the paper, the small naked body captured in it reeked of despair and pain.

Yuki felt his heart clench. What could he do now? Shuichi hadn’t wanted him to know, hadn’t said anything to him, even now. Should he confront him with this now? He couldn’t show him these photos, that would be just cruel and do far more damage. So what?

Shuichi seemed to want to still be with Yuki, he had after all returned home. But he was frightened of the physical contact. Yuki had been Shuichi’s first, and he admitted that he was sometimes probably not overly gentle during sex, but Shuichi had still seemed to get pleasure from it.

Now…now it was completely different. Shuichi had been raped by three men, taken in the same way that Yuki had taken him. In his abused mind, the actions would be linked and, Yuki’s guts churned as bile rose at this thought, so would the people. He didn’t want Shuichi to think of him as the same as those men. He didn’t want Shuichi to be as scarred through his life as he was. How could he bring Shuichi back? How could he help Shuichi relearn the pleasure that could be felt from this act, forget the pain and horror? How could he give Shuichi enough pleasurable experiences to wash away and bury this one horrible one?

He thrust the photos back into his pocket, ran a hand over his face, wiping away the traces of the tears, and turned to the door.

He opened up and was greeted by darkness. All the lights were off, but he could see the flicker of the TV still going and the faint sound of music. He hung up his coat and slipped off his shoes, walking into the lounge area in bare feet.

Shuichi hadn’t seemed to have moved from the position he had been in when Yuki had left earlier. Obviously he had at some time, as he must have got up to turn the lights off, but he was back on the couch in that same huddled position. And now Yuki could truly see it for what it was, and what it meant. It was a defensive posture, the boy trying desperately to hold his own body together, trying to make himself as small as possible in the hope that pain would not reach him ever again. The posture screamed out fear, and pain.

Yuki slowly walked over and sat on the lounge. Not so close to Shuichi that he would be frightened, but close enough to touch if need be. Yuki forced himself to act relaxed, throwing an arm casually over the back of the lounge, fingertips almost reaching Shuichi’s shoulders but not quite. He kept his face turned towards the TV but watched the boy from the corner of his eye. He saw the flinch, the slight shift of the body away from his extended hand. Not a good sign at all.

Yuki didn’t know what to do. His mind was spinning. Part of him wanted to gathered the boy into his arms and make love to him, try and drive all the horrible thoughts and images away with that act. A part of him wanted to shake the boy hard, to try and make him snap out of it, and be back to normal. Neither was an option unless he was seeking the utter destruction of Shuichi’s sanity. What else could he do?

He turned his head to look at the boy, still huddled there.

“Hey,” he said in a low voice, trying to make it soft. Shuichi turned his head, raising his eyes to look at Yuki from under those long lashes, peering at him from over his knees.

“Hey,” he responded.

“Sorry.” Yuki said shortly. Shuichi looked a little surprised at the apology. Well, it wasn’t often that Yuki bothered apologising for anything.

“No, I’m sorry I made you mad.” The boy said in a small voice, looking down. “Sorry.”

“Not your fault. I was just in a bad mood.” Yuki tried to smooth things out.

“I…I shouldn’t have…you know…not when…you wanted…”

Shuichi was struggling with his words. Yuki could see his hands, clasped around his knees, tighten further, knuckles growing whiter.

“If you….want to….you can…you know.” the boy stammered out, through a voice that sounded strangled and full of pain.

Yuki stared, and had to bite down hard on his instinctive reaction to snap something back in response. The boy was saying he would /let/ Yuki take him! After everything that he had been through, he was still willing to try and get past it all, just to please Yuki. He was ignoring his own well being, his own pain and hurts and fears, just to give something to Yuki.

The idiotic bone headed fool! Yuki screamed out in his mind. He clamped down on his roiling emotions. It would do no good what so ever if he let loose. He’d probably just drive Shuichi into some sort of catatonic state. He calmed himself before speaking.

“Doesn’t matter.” he said briefly.

Shuichi seemed to suddenly shrink further into himself, if that were possible. Yuki could almost physically feel the boy withdrawing. Damn it! That’s not what he had wanted! Shuichi had taken his response to the offer as another refusal, as his inability to please Yuki. God damn the kid! That’s not what he had meant!

“I just feel like sitting for a bit. You know, just us.” Yuki struggled with the words, trying to make them sound natural. Shuichi glanced at him, a brief movement of large eyes. “Been a long time since we just…., well, it sounds corny and I’m only saying this because it’s completely dark and you can’t see my face, but just for us to…cuddle. And if you ever remind me that I said any of this, I’ll kill you.” Now that sounded more like him!

It must have to Shuichi as well, for the small body unfolded a little, a loosening of the hands, a straightening of the back, the head lifting a little.

Yuki beckoned with his hand, “Come here. I just want to sit here and hold you for a bit.”

This was a test. Would Shuichi accept, or was it too much, too soon? He could see Shuichi looking at the spot next to him on the couch, looking at his extended hand as though he feared it was a snake that would strike. He was taking a long time to answer, or to move. Yuki didn’t even think the boy realised just how long every action and thought was taking. If he had, he would have known he was giving his secret away immediately. Yuki kept himself still, making no further movements, saying nothing more. Shuichi had to come to his own decision, in his own time.

The boy dropped his feet to the floor, and slowly inched a little closer to Yuki’s side. Still Yuki didn’t move. Another minuscule slide, a little closer.

A small hand reached towards his still extended one. Yuki could see it shaking, even in the darkness. The kid was terrified, truly terrified, and his heart clenched painfully. Those trembling digits fluttered over his upraised palm, before settling down. He didn’t try and close his fingers around that hand, wasn’t going to trap it. He let his hand remain relaxed until he felt the fingers slowly curl against his, easing gently into a grip.

Shuichi had moved close enough to be sitting right next to Yuki now. Slowly Yuki partially closed his fingers around the hand in his, not hard, applying very little pressure. He leant his head on the back of the lounge as though relaxing, slowly drawing their clasped hands towards his chest. Shuichi didn’t pull away but there was a stiffness still there.

Yuki pretended to close his eyes, but under his lashes he continued to watch. He held the hand on his chest, letting it rest over his heart, feeling his own steady heartbeat through their combined grip.

“Get comfortable,” he said in an off hand manner. “You’ll get a crick in your back otherwise.”

He did nothing more, just watched Shuichi sit as though frozen. Then slowly, so very slowly, he saw him lift his legs up on the couch until he was kneeling and sidle closer to Yuki. The boy’s body was now touching his side, the arm attached to their clasped hands resting down his chest and stomach. He watched as Shuichi slowly lowered his head, hesitating a moment, before finally allowing it to settle into the crook of Yuki’s shoulder.

Yuki could feel the stiffness in the small body, the shaking. He concentrated on keeping himself calm. Any change in his heartbeat would be felt immediately by Shuichi, and would most likely frighten him away. So calm it was. Yuki breathed in deeply and then exhaled, feeling the boy’s head rise and fall as well.

“Are…are you tired?” a soft voice asked.

“Not really.” he replied. “Not tired as in wanting to sleep. Just tired.”

“Hmm.”

“You’ve been working a lot lately.”

“I…guess.”

“Must be hard being an up and coming rock star.”

“Well, there is a lot to do. More than I realised.”

Yuki felt a slight relaxing of the tension. Shuichi always did like talking about his music. It was after all his dream. So keep him talking about something he finds safe. Something that gives him confidence.

“Like what?”

“All the promotional stuff, marketing, getting your name known, things like that. I always thought it was about how good your music was, but the way K talks, he could make a rock star out of chimpanzee playing cymbals!”

“So instead he’s going to make a rock star out of a chimp that sings.”

“Hey!” Shuichi said, raising his head to look up at Yuki, catching onto the insult. “This monkey has talent! That’s the difference!”

“Oh, really?” Yuki drawled, looking down into the upturned face with a slight smile. “Thought you were having problems with that?”

“Nah,” Shuichi said, leaning further back a little, moving his head into a more comfortable position. Yuki took this as his cue to carefully slide his arm down from where it had remained resting across the back of the lounge so it now draped loosely around Shuichi’s shoulders. Again there was no pressure applied, no real holding, just the presence of it there, the contact. Shuichi didn’t seem to notice. “I was just being pig headed.”

“So what’s new?”

“Are you out of cigarettes or something?” Shuichi said, looking up at him again with a frown. “You are being way too grumpy!”

“You tell me I’m always grumpy.”

“Well, you are!”

“Then it can’t be because I’m out of cigarettes, can it?”

“Who knows with you?!” Shuichi snorted, leaning further into Yuki’s embrace, the tension flowing away. “I think you just deliberately decide every morning when you wake up that you are going to be grumpy that day. It’s like something you just have to do. So that is why I have to work twice as hard at not being grumpy to make up for you!”

“Huh!” Yuki snorted.

“Don’t try and ignore it!” the eyes glared at him fiercely, some of their old fire burning there. “You really should try and be happier you know. You’ll live longer!”

“Really?” Yuki drawled. “Thought you told me that smoking would kill me?”

“It will! But then I’ll just have to give you mouth to mouth each time you die and bring you back!” there was a smirk on the upturned face, and Yuki let a slow smile spread across his face.

“Mouth to mouth, you say? Think I feel a heart attack coming on. Going to swing into action, Doc?”

Yuki kept the soft smile on his face, slowly lowering his head, keeping his eyes fixed on Shuichi’s the whole time. He could see the widening of those eyes, the fear growing there. Come on, kid. Don’t give in to it. Go with the flow. The body next to his had tensed again, he could hear Shuichi’s breathing shaking, but the boy didn’t pull away.

Yuki dropped his head lower, until he could feel the warm breath on his face. Gently he brushed his lips against Shuichi’s, nothing more than a whispering touch, and then he raised his head, giving the boy some space.

“There, you see, attack gone. Now, where’s my cigarettes?” and he turned his head as though looking around for the missing objects. He could see Shuichi still from the corner of his eye, could feel the body slump as the fear left him, the soft sigh of relief. He saw a small smile curve those soft lips.

“Hey,” a soft voice called him. “Can’t you leave off having a cigarette, even at a time like this?”

“Time like what?” Yuki said absently. He felt a light punch to his ribs and looked back down at the boy, who was mock frowning at him.

“You know perfectly well what I mean, asshole. Don’t give me any of that crap. You’re the one who said you wanted to ‘cuddle’!”

“And I said I’d kill you if you ever brought that up.” Yuki said with steel in his voice.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. You’ll kill me for that, along with the one hundred other things that you have promised to kill me for! You know, you are getting rather monotonous in that.”

“Shut up!”

“Why don’t you make me!”

“Is that a challenge?”

“You bet. Put your mouth to some good use for once!”

“You little brat…” and Yuki dropped his head again and captured those lips that were raised to meet him.

He held himself back, touching only lightly, reading the reactions in the body pressed against him. There was a little stiffening at the first contact, but then it faded away as he continued to caress those lips with his own. He applied a little more pressure, flicking his tongue out to trace the outline of Shuichi’s lips, gentle soft touches, almost ticklish. He felt the lips part just a little. He continued to run the tip of his tongue over the curves, not trying to force his entrance to the mouth. The lips parted further. Still Yuki ignored the opening.

As he kissed Shuichi, he gently stroked the boy’s hand lying in his, tracing tiny patterns with his fingers over the skin. He felt Shuichi lean into him further, body relaxing.

Yuki continued to trace his tongue over the lips, sucking on them, deepening the kiss. He then felt an answering soft touch. Since Yuki hadn’t accepted the shy invitation, Shuichi had come out to greet him. The tip of Shuichi’s tongue hesitantly touched his own. He slid his own over it but he didn’t chase it as it hid shyly away. Soon that soft touch returned. Yuki parted his lips fully, coaxing Shuichi to enter his mouth.

In the past it had always been Yuki who would instigate things, it was Yuki who took the dominant role. It would be Yuki who would push his tongue into Shuichi’s sweet mouth, to suck on that flexible tongue. But tonight, Yuki encouraged Shuichi to explore the inside of his mouth.

It did take a while, a frustratingly long time, before Yuki felt that wetness enter his mouth, twining around his own tongue, flicking across the roof, tracing his teeth. He shivered a little. Those soft feathery touches were exciting him. Calm, he thought to himself. He must stay in control.

Shuichi roamed through his mouth, exploring, searching, memorising. Then Yuki felt his own tongue being sucked forward and into Shuichi’s, so he could return the favour. So sweet, so warm, so moist, so nice. They deepened the kiss further now, open mouthed, tongues touching, breath catching.

Finally, the necessity to breathe made Yuki break the contact and raise his head. Shuichi was pushed in against his side as hard as he could be, gazing up with eyes that seemed to be happy. Yuki realised that it had been a long time since he had truly seen that look, for all Shuichi had been good at pretending.

“So, is that putting my mouth to good use?” he asked softly, a little breathlessly.

Shuichi smiled. “Hmmm.”

Yuki couldn’t help the chuckle. “How about we get off this couch? I’m going to get a crick in my neck trying to lean down to you. Besides it’s starting to get cold. Bring your pillow and we can sit up in bed, and stop trying to freeze our butts off.”

Yuki said all this in a casual manner, not trying to imply anything, or push for anything. Would Shuichi accept the offer? It would be the first time that Shuichi had been in Yuki’s bed since….the incident. Would it have too many connotations?

Yuki shifted and stood, “And you might want to bring your blanket too. I’m not having you try and hog mine just because you’re cold.”

He closed up the balcony door and turned to walk towards his room, not looking back to see if Shuichi was following. He had to remain calm, act normal, like nothing was wrong.