30 Seconds to Mars

30 Seconds to Mars

(30 Seconds to Mars is the name of a band; i just borrowed it for my fic.)

Hitachiin Kaoru sat in the waiting room, nervously wringing his hands. His brother had been pale and almost sickly lately, and their parents had finally noticed and decided to bring him to the hospital. Better to pay the bill and find nothing than to leave him alone and have him get sick; it would reflect badly on the family.

Kaoru liked to think they cared, really cared, but he didn't delude himself about it when they proved how little they really did. At least they'd broken down and brought Hikaru to the hospital themselves, instead of delegating it to one of the servants. Unable to sit still any longer, he got up and turned the television down a little bit, then started to pace around the room. He'd been in here for hours already, and hadn't seen or heard from the doctor, his parents, or his brother since they deposited him there to wait.

He'd just plopped himself down in front of the television to start flipping channels, when the door opened, and a nurse popped her head in. "Hitachiin-sama?" she asked, glancing around the empty room to make sure he was the one she wanted.

"Yes?!" Kaoru scrambled to his feet, hoping she'd have some good news for him.

"Your brother is waiting for you," she said smiling softly. He sighed, relieved, and followed her from the room.

When they got into the room, the doctor was leaving, a frown fixed on his face. Kaoru scowled at him, and then burst through the door. Hikaru sat on the bed-thing, and their parents hovered nearby.

"Hikaru!" Kaoru practically threw himself at his brother, hugging him. "I was so worried! And bored. How did it go? Are you alright? Can we leave?"

Hikaru's smile was wistful. "You can leave, if you want. I'm staying overnight for observation." Kaoru shook his head.

"I'll stay, too." He proclaimed, and glanced at his parents for confirmation. They nodded, and began to gather jackets and purses and things.

"Hikaru." Kaoru turned, and looked at his mother. She seemed to have aged years in the few hours since he'd seen her last. "You'll tell him?" Hikaru nodded, and Kaoru turned his attention back to his twin.

"Tell me what?" He realized it was still pressed between Hikaru's legs like a girlfriend, and pulled away, tilting his head. "What's wrong, Hikaru?"

His mother gave a small sob, and his father shook his head, and then they were gone, shutting the door. Kaoru felt like he was being purposely left out of the loop, like he wasn't worthy of knowing, and he hated it.

"Kaoru," Hikaru started, then the nurse came back in.

"You're both staying?" she asked, and Kaoru nodded. "Good, we'll want to check you too, Kaoru-kun."

"Check me...?" Kaoru repeated stupidly. She waved it off, and Kaoru scowled.

"Come on, we've got a private room for you." She herded them out of the room, and up a few floors, leaving them in a room marked "Hitachiin" on the outside. It was spacious, but a normal sterile hospital room, and Kaoru hated it instantly. There were also two beds, which didn't make it any easier, and beside one of them was a pile of medical equipment and machines.

Hikaru claimed the one surrounded by machines, leaving Kaoru the one nearer the window. "Tell me, Hikaru. What does everyone know that I don't?" He sounded as bitter as he felt, and lodged himself near the window to stare out at the darkening city streets below.

"Kaoru..." Hikaru's voice was strained, like forcing the word out was painful for him. "Kaoru, I'm dying!" he blurted out finally.

Kaoru scoffed. "You're joking," he said, turning to his tearful brother. Hikaru's eyes were watering, but deadly serious. He felt the blood drain from his face, and for a moment he was afraid he'd faint. Hikaru rose, moving towards him in case he did. "You're not joking," he whispered back, and felt his hands shaking. "Why? What's wrong?!" The shock was melting into anger - how dare they keep this from him? How dare they let Hikaru believe he was dying!

"Malignant cancer," Hikaru explained. "If they'd caught it years ago, months even, then I could have gone for treatment, but it's too late now. The doctor-" He choked off in a sob. "The doctor tells me that I've got maybe a month left. Maybe."

Kaoru felt his world being ripped from him, the cruel, unjust, unfairness of it all making him lash out against the window, and he slammed his fist against it. "You can't... you can't die!" he said with conviction. The shaking had moved from his hands into his chest, and it felt tight. The room started spinning, and he stumbled forward against the bed. "You can't," he whispered just before the room and his brother's terrified face fled from his vision to be replaced by blackness.

---

When he awoke, it was to the sound of beeping. A horrible, steady beeping noise that seemed to echo. He could discern two separate noises in the beep, and realized it was two heart monitors chiming in tandem, two hearts beating as one. Blinking open his eyes, he looked around the room. It was the same one as before, except now there were more machines. With a start, he realized that they were hooked up to him, and turned to look at Hikaru. He was sitting on his bed facing Kaoru's, his knees drawn up to his chest and his face buried against them. Kaoru could make out the shaking of his shoulders as he cried quietly.

"Hika--" His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. "Hikaru?" He was treated to the sight of Hikaru's head jerking up so fast he nearly fell over, and then he was on him, hugging him and clinging, trembling.

"God, Kaoru! You just fell over, I was so scared! They told me you'd just passed out, but you were so white, I thought maybe you were going to die first."

"Don't even joke like that!" Kaoru said, feeling a little apologetic for making his brother worry.

"It's okay. I've... I'm coming to terms with it. I'm going to die a little sooner than I thought, but I'm not worried about me. It won't hurt. I'm... worried about you. What will you do?"

Kaoru had no reply to that. What would he do, without the other half of his soul? Hikaru had been there with him from the moment of his very first breath, before even that, always next to him, and now he wasn't going to be near him any more. "What... can I do?" he wondered aloud, his eyes resting on the ceiling. Hikaru nuzzled his throat.

"I'm sorry, Kaoru." The hurt in those three words made Kaoru start to cry, which in turn made Hikaru start to cry again. They lay there together, clinging to one another and crying out the pain.

--------

The next morning they were awakened by a disgruntled doctor, who informed them that they had separate beds for a reason. Slipping behind the old mask, Hikaru grinned. "It's not like it's contagious or anything," he joked, stretching in his position against Kaoru. Kaoru blushed, realizing what a sight they must make, and in spite of everything that had transpired, he was hard. Morning wood, he'd heard it called, and he knew that it happened to both of them every morning, but he'd never had an equally hard Hikaru pressed against him at the same time. Impishly, Hikaru wriggled a bit, and Kaoru bit his lip. The doctor cleared his throat, and Hikaru winked at him.

"I'll give you two some time to wake up, take a shower, or eat - food will be brought to you as soon as you're ready - and then please let me know so that we can test Kaoru." That nearly killed the mood, Kaoru thought sleepily, the idea of being tested so early in the morning didn't sit well with him. Then Hikaru wriggled again as the doctor shut the door, and the thoughts of testing flew out of his brain. They were no stranger to each other's bodies; neither had anything to hide from the other, and it wasn't unusual for them to go solo in the bed or shower together, but never together. No matter how much Kaoru had longed to reach out and finish his brother, he'd never had the guts, and now Hikaru was on top of him, pressing their hips together and shifting so that there was pressure and friction in all the right places, and Kaoru moaned softly.

"Is this okay, Kaoru?" he whispered, and Kaoru nodded, pressing back. He was rewarded with an answering moan from Hikaru, and wrapped his arms around his twin.

Hikaru tilted his head and pressed his lips to Kaoru's throat, kissing it gently before his lips parted and he sucked. Kaoru made no noise, but the sharp exhalation let Hikaru know he was doing a good job. That in mind, he set about giving his brother the hickey of all hickeys, remembering every once and a while to grind his hips a bit. When he was satisfied with the mark on Kaoru's throat, he pulled himself up onto his hands and knees and pushed Kaoru's shirt up around his neck, before lowering his mouth to the hardening nubs of flesh on his chest. Gasping, Kaoru let his head fall back as his brother's tongue did wicked things to his nipples. Each press of the wet heat sent sparks shooting straight down to his groin, and when Hikaru began to move, leaving a wet trail down Kaoru's stomach, butterflies started flapping around as he realized what was about to happen. Hesitating almost nervously, Hikaru stopped a few seconds from pulling Kaoru's jeans from his hips. "Are you sure?" he pressed, wanting to make sure he wasn't unwanted. Kaoru nodded, gasping.

"Totally sure. Please don't stop.." he whispered, and Hikaru grinned before undoing the fastenings and freeing his brother from his pants. Kaoru was panting now, the breaths interspersed with moans as Hikaru ran his fingers over the length before him, learning every vein and curve. "I've wanted to do this for years," he admitted quietly, watching as his breath caused Kaoru to shiver. "Ever since we started going through puberty, and I had to watch you change every day, and watch you growing up next to me."

Kaoru felt the tears leaking down his face, but made no move to wipe them away. "Why didn't you, then?" he asked, and Hikaru knew that he wasn't alone.

"I was so afraid that you'd hate me for wanting that." And deciding that that was a good a line as any, he licked from the base of Kaoru's cock to the tip in one motion. Kaoru's breath lodged in his throat and a quiet keening ripped itself out of his chest. Hikaru did it again and Kaoru whimpered. "'Karu.."

Kaoru was in heaven, blissful heaven where his brother wanted him the same way, and was acting on it in ways he'd only ever imagined. When Hikaru's lips wrapped around the head of his length, it was all he could do to keep from screaming out his pleasure. Looking down was a mistake, as he was greeted with the sight of Hikaru's lips stretched around his hardness, taking him deeper, and the image alone was nearly enough to send him over the edge. When Hikaru's tongue flickered against his slit and then sucked Kaoru lost control. Biting his hand to keep from alerting the entire hospital, he came loudly into Hikaru's mouth, his whole body shuddering with the sensations overwhelming him. He might have blacked out for a few moments, because when his senses returned, Hikaru was laying next to him, licking his lips.

"A wonderful breakfast," he said, and Kaoru couldn't summon enough energy to even be embarrassed by it. Slowly, one of his hands crept towards the bulge in Hikaru's pants, stroking over it teasingly. Hikaru bit his lip as his eyes fluttered closed, a small noise escaping on his breath. Kaoru rubbed experimentally, gaining his strength back as he worked, while Hikaru relaxed more and more, as though Kaoru were taking his energy and using it against him. Fingers worked quickly to move clothes out of the way, and Hikaru was helping him, undoing his pants while Kaoru was pushing his shirt up. Kneeling over him, Kaoru licked at his nipple, looking up into Hikaru's eyes the whole time. Hikaru shuddered, realizing very suddenly how hot he looked, his tongue all over his brother's body and moving... Oh. Kaoru grasped him with one hand while his tongue dragged lazy circles on Hikaru's skin, ever lower.

Nipping the spot just above Hikaru's cock, Kaoru squeezed him gently before taking him into his mouth. The noises coming from above him made the weirdness fade into pleasure that he could do this, and was doing it well. Hikaru lasted a little longer than Kaoru had, but not by much. By the time Kaoru had swallowed all of his come, he was in tears. Hikaru frowned. "Kaoru? What's wrong?"

"Hikaru!" Kaoru threw himself upwards, hugging him. "I can't lose you. Not now that I've just gotten you." Hikaru's eyes stared into the space over Kaoru's shoulder while his brother sobbed against him.

"Hey." he said, nudging him quietly. "When I die, I'll wait for you. I promise. And then, when we're together again, we'll be together forever."

"Forever," Kaoru murmured, and pulled away, wiping his eyes. Tears still leaked out, but he was smiling through them. A knock on the door galvanized them into action, buttoning pants and straightening shirts. When it opened, the nurse from the day before stood there with a cart and two trays.

"When you're ready, young masters," she said, and they retreated to separate beds to eat.

Before they were done, the doctor was hovering in the doorway, ready to whisk Kaoru away for the same rigorous testing to find out if he suffered alongside his brother. "Hikaru-kun, you'll stay in here while we're testing Kaoru, just like he stayed in the waiting room for you," he said sternly when Hikaru made to get up, too. Kaoru shot him a helpless look as he was all but dragged off, and Hikaru threw himself into the bed, huffily.

----

Hours later, the doctor stood before him, clipboard in hand. They were in the same room Hikaru had been in, the day before, except this time his parents were conspicuously absent. So was Hikaru; he'd requested that they be alone for the results.

"I'm afraid, Kaoru, that you share your brother's disease. It's not uncommon, and was likely passed down through one of your parents." He gave Kaoru a few moments to process this.

"I'm dying, too then?" he asked finally, eyes shadowed.

The doctor nodded. "If left untreated, yes, you will eventually die. Unlike Hikaru, however, yours is still in the early stages. If we begin treatment now, I'm sure you'll live a long, full life."

Kaoru cut him off. "No! Not without Hikaru. If he's going to die, I'm not going to live without him. Just leave me alone. Tell no one. I don't want them to know I'm sick. Especially not Hikaru, understand?"

The doctor sighed. "I understand." He turned, and then pulled something from his coat. "I was a twin, once," he said sadly, and revealed a picture of two identical boys, bearing twin smirks. It was clearly the doctor, younger. "He died, and I lived. I understand."

Kaoru saw himself and Hikaru reflected in the picture, twin souls complete only with the other. "I'm sorry," he said. "How did he die?"

"It was a long, long time ago. Car crash. The doctors didn't get to him fast enough; I vowed to be a better doctor than them." Kaoru smiled at him, and hopped off the bed. His legs trembled a little bit, and it suddenly hit him how light he felt. He'd just been smacked with a death sentence, he should be crying or running to his brother for comfort. Instead, he felt light, and almost like giggling, so he let himself laugh.

"Don't forget me," he said, and presented the doctor with his own picture from his wallet; himself and Hikaru posing as the Cheshire cat from Haruhi's dream. The doctor tucked it with his own picture, and slid them both back into his coat.

"Be brave, Kaoru," he said, and sent him out of the room.
--
Kaoru felt himself whistling a light tune as he made his way back to the room labelled Hitachiin. When Hikaru saw the smile on his face, he assumed - wrongly - that Kaoru was going to be fine. Which was exactly how Kaoru wanted it. His brother didn't need both of their death's on his mind, and this way, maybe he could have a little more fun.

Knowing that he was doomed made the life without Hikaru seem more like a separate vacation; Hikaru was going somewhere, and he'd meet up with him later. Not as bad as never seeing him again. Not half as bad.

"Kaoru," Hikaru whispered as they lay together after another round of jerking each other off. "I've always wanted to go bungee jumping. Go with me?"

It stabbed into his heart that Hikaru was making the best of what was promising to be a short life, but it wasn't quite as heart-breaking as it would have been that morning, and he agreed.

--Two weeks later--

They'd been horse-back riding, and snorkeling in the Caribbean, and bungee jumping, and been to every amusement and theme park they could think of. They'd stayed up all night talking of dreams and stars, and where they might have gone together if Hikaru wasn't dying. They'd sat down and had a heart to heart with their parents, saying a lot of things that needed saying, and hearing a lot of things that needed hearing, and when their mother commented that it was like she was losing them both, neither replied.

They'd informed the host club, and had a farewell party for Hikaru, which had lasted too long and they'd all gotten much too drunk.

He still hadn't told Hikaru he was dying, too.

But Hikaru most definitely was. They'd packed as much life into those past two weeks as they could manage, and now he was slowing down. He was pale all the time, and his eyes looked unfocused. He didn't eat, and barely slept, and even his voice was lacking the things that made it completely Hikaru. It was that night that he'd asked for one final gift.

Kaoru's virginity. He'd asked all in one breath, as though he were afraid to say it and make it true.

Kaoru couldn't have said anything but yes, and when Hikaru pushed into his body for the first time, penetrating him and joining with him, Kaoru knew that if he lived a hundred years from this moment he'd never do this again. His body was Hikaru's, from the tips of his hair to the bottoms of his feet, and everything between, and he wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

The next morning found Kaoru feeling drained, more tired than he should have been even despite their activities. He felt like he just couldn't move, that the energy to do so would simply kill him then and there. Hikaru lay next to him, unmoving but breathing shallowly. Kaoru snuggled closer to him, finding the energy to do that, at least, and was rewarded when Hikaru pulled him closer, wrapping his arms around his twin protectively.

Kaoru was close enough to feel his breath rumbling through his chest, hear the soft thumping of his heart slowing. As he lay curled in his brother's embrace, he felt the heart stop, the breath leave his body, the unnatural stillness that followed, and even as he lay in the cooling warmth, he felt sluggish and lethargic. His own heart was struggling to continue beating, as though without Hikaru's next to it, the effort just wasn't worth it.

When he sighed and didn't inhale again, he was almost surprised. Blinking, he found himself staring down at the two identical bodies, clutching each other like they were the last breath in the world. Not even the wind from the open window stirred their hair, and it was perfect. When the twin-maids came in to wake them up, and found them both cold and unmoving, he watched them start screaming and crying, and their hysterics brought the whole family. He watched with disinterested eyes as the doctor came, and smiled down at them before pronouncing them dead - I'm not dead, I'm still here, he thought at them - and turning to console their parents.

He was getting cold, and stood up, realizing he'd been effectively sitting on his dresser the whole time, except that now there was no dresser, and no room, and just an endless expanse of nothing, was this really what death was like? An awareness into nothing, forever?

A noise, and suddenly the nothing became the Third Music room. Tamaki was seated at the piano, playing a haunting melody. Haruhi sat next to him, sniffling, and Honey-chan and Mori sat together on the couch, listening. Kyouya was leaning against the wall, eyes overcast by his hair, absorbing the sound. The door opened, and none of them looked up, or even noticed it, and then Hikaru was there, looking at him oddly.

"What are you waiting here for? We've got to go!" He said, beckoning. Kaoru moved towards him, and was surprised to find that he could. Hikaru grinned at him, taking his hand and leading him through the door and into whiteness.

----
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