Law and Right
folder
Death Note › Yaoi-Male/Male › L/Light
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
26
Views:
7,767
Reviews:
19
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Death Note › Yaoi-Male/Male › L/Light
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
26
Views:
7,767
Reviews:
19
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Death Note, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Lighthouse
Warnings for this chapter: Violence, Language, angst, WIP.
SPOILERS: Volumes 1-7, 13 of manga, episodes 1-26 of anime, L's true name.
~!~!~!~!~!~
Law and Right
Chapter 10: Lighthouse
~!~!~!~!~!~
The nightmares didn't stop. Months passed and they still plagued him, still woke him in the middle of the night with panic attacks. They weren't quite so bad, anymore. The panic didn't make him quite so blind to reality, he didn't take quite so long to calm down.
Trust, the beginnings of it, had been established. Light moved from the small studio apartment to the one L was using. He had his own bedroom, of course, and was expected to remain there if no one else was awake, but he was not locked in. He was monitored, and carefully, but he was making progress.
In both trust and cooking skills. It seemed every day, they found something new to cook, often something that they had to shape or mix or knead with their hands. It rarely turned out very well, but the moments he spent, alone in that kitchen with Ryuzaki... were precious to him.
He almost felt normal, at those times, and when he happened to have reason to touch the other man, it was almost like an electrical current.
Light Yagami was no fool. He understood what it meant, and he kept it to himself for that very reason.
Ryuzaki wasn't a fool, either, but he had a pitiful few experiences with that sort of thing, and was thusly confused. He did, however, look for ways to remedy it.
He found some interesting suggestions on the internet, and put them to use. They had astoundingly positive results and he was content with the method he had chosen to deal with it.
Light did not have the luxury of those same methods and instead turned to showers. After scrubbing himself raw in scalding water twice in the same day, his bathroom privileges had been restricted again.
It sparked the first argument with Ryuzaki since moving in, and landed himself back in the small apartment, locked in and monitored. The cooking was also halted for a week and that, more than anything, was what got to him.
Rage had consumed him. Things had flown across the room. Broken, shattered. Anything that could move was moved, destroyed. He had been so furious at it all, at everything that had happened to him, that he had lost control so completely.
"I am a god!" he screamed, at the top of his lungs. All he could hear, all he could see, was blood. Blood, blood, blood. He threw the desk, tore at the wood until it cracked, splintered. Pulled a leg loose, threw it. He screamed again, a wordless sound of pure rage.
"I am a god, do you hear me?!" he threw a plate at the security camera. The Plexiglas bubble protected the equipment, but the plate shattered. He could hardly breath, he was struggling so much with everything around him. The room had been completely trashed. Pieces of broken furniture, padding from the futon, cords from the computer, the microwave.
The broken plate, it's sharp shards shining like a lighthouse. Beckoning.
Consumed with his rage, with nothing left to break but his own body, he reached down for a large shard, and plunged it into his arm. "I am immortal!" he screamed, tore his flesh open, held his arm up as if to prove it. He trembled, teeth bared, and threw the bloody shard at the camera.
The thick, red liquid welled from the wound, slid down his arm like slime, thick with coagulation. It didn't look real, even to him, but it did evaporate his rage as he realized with a sudden, sickening clarity, what he had done.
He fell to his knees as the door opened, watching the blood slide down his arm. He vomited and, just as Ryuzaki reached him, collapsed.
He awoke a short while later, a bandage on his arm, restraints on his wrists and ankles. Another infirmary, he supposed. He said nothing when he awoke.
"Was Yagami-kun attempting to kill himself?" Ryuzaki asked dryly. "He was doing a very good job at it when I arrived."
"I wasn't," Light replied gruffly, refusing to even look in Ryuzaki's direction.
"Temper tantrums are not becoming of you, Yagami-kun. You should refrain," Ryuzaki pressed.
"And perhaps you should have simply let them kill me when they were supposed to," Light snapped. "You were the one who decided to take the law into your own hands and spare me. I didn't ask for this! To live through this, to have to continue after everything had happened. What other reason would I have had, to confess to you so easily?" he demanded.
"Then Yagami-kun is suicidal," Ryuzaki frowned.
Light jerked his good arm in the restraint, wishing he could get it free, to give Ryuzaki an object lesson in just how homicidal he was. He sneered instead. "Fuck you."
"Yagami-kun is not disagreeing, so I must assume he agrees."
Was he trying to make matters worse? Light was quite sure it was so, and he jerked his arm again. "I'd much rather kill you than myself," he snarled darkly.
"Yagami-kun has faced a setback, that is all," Ryuzaki replied softly. "Recovery is done in stages, with much back-tracking. You will heal, Yagami-kun. It simply takes time."
"Time I was never meant to have in the first place," Light spat.
"If not for the rape, Yagami-kun would have had plenty of time," Ryuzaki retorted. "You would have killed me, and the way would have been cleared for you to continue with your plan of world domination."
"I'd like to kill you now," Light snapped.
"I'm afraid that can't be permitted. Rest well, Yagami-kun. You will be in here until your arm has healed and your temper has settled." With that, Ryuzaki left him alone.
In the days that followed, Light's wound reopened three times when he struggled to free himself. Frustration and rage just wouldn't ebb and two weeks later, he began slipping into a deep depression. He gave up on the struggling and was no longer held in restraints, but remained on a strict suicide watch.
He would spend hours standing in the bathroom, looking in the mirror. He was doing just that one day, while L was observing from the floor below.
"Ryuzaki," Watari came up behind the detective, laid a hand on his shoulder. "He requires company."
Ryuzaki looked up, cocking an eyebrow. "He does not seem to want company."
A soft smile wrinkled the old man's face. "What one wants is not always what is needed. He will be angry, at first, but he will begin to improve. He is still recovering from the trauma. Cycles of rage and depression are quite normal. His are compounded by losing the part of himself that was Kira, becoming shut off from the rest of the world. You may not realize it, Ryuzaki, but you and I are the only things Yagami Light has left in the world."
"Yagami-kun is an adult..." Ryuzaki pressed.
"And so are you, but you still need me, don't you?" Watari chuckled softly. "Go visit him soon, Ryuzaki. Depression is best treated with friendship."
"That is not what the psychological journals say," Ryuzaki muttered, but he respected Watari too much to argue the point. After all, the man had raised him. Ryuzaki may have never called Watari 'father', but that was the roll the man had fulfilled.
It was with a bit of uneasiness that Ryuzaki went up the flight of stairs to the infirmary floor, and unlocked the door to Light's room.
~!~!~!~!~!~
A/N: And we have the mild cliffie! =3 And the required sudden ups and downs of post-trauma recoveries. Seems a bit batty, but it's supposed to be.
Frozen Wishes: =3 I'm glad you enjoyed! I felt like I needed to show how things can get to something like normal... and then crash and burn. =3 Especially when recovering from everything that Light went through. Haha! I've never had umeboshi, though I'd probably like it. Pickled things make me happy, but I blame it on my ethnicity. XD I love sour kraut, regular pickles, pickled beets, ginger... anything, really. Kimche is THE amazing. =3 If you haven't had eel, though, you don't know what you're missing out on! I had it the first time a week ago and it was amazing, but you wouldn't like it if you don't like "fishy" fish. Like salmon or dried squid.
SPOILERS: Volumes 1-7, 13 of manga, episodes 1-26 of anime, L's true name.
~!~!~!~!~!~
Law and Right
Chapter 10: Lighthouse
~!~!~!~!~!~
The nightmares didn't stop. Months passed and they still plagued him, still woke him in the middle of the night with panic attacks. They weren't quite so bad, anymore. The panic didn't make him quite so blind to reality, he didn't take quite so long to calm down.
Trust, the beginnings of it, had been established. Light moved from the small studio apartment to the one L was using. He had his own bedroom, of course, and was expected to remain there if no one else was awake, but he was not locked in. He was monitored, and carefully, but he was making progress.
In both trust and cooking skills. It seemed every day, they found something new to cook, often something that they had to shape or mix or knead with their hands. It rarely turned out very well, but the moments he spent, alone in that kitchen with Ryuzaki... were precious to him.
He almost felt normal, at those times, and when he happened to have reason to touch the other man, it was almost like an electrical current.
Light Yagami was no fool. He understood what it meant, and he kept it to himself for that very reason.
Ryuzaki wasn't a fool, either, but he had a pitiful few experiences with that sort of thing, and was thusly confused. He did, however, look for ways to remedy it.
He found some interesting suggestions on the internet, and put them to use. They had astoundingly positive results and he was content with the method he had chosen to deal with it.
Light did not have the luxury of those same methods and instead turned to showers. After scrubbing himself raw in scalding water twice in the same day, his bathroom privileges had been restricted again.
It sparked the first argument with Ryuzaki since moving in, and landed himself back in the small apartment, locked in and monitored. The cooking was also halted for a week and that, more than anything, was what got to him.
Rage had consumed him. Things had flown across the room. Broken, shattered. Anything that could move was moved, destroyed. He had been so furious at it all, at everything that had happened to him, that he had lost control so completely.
"I am a god!" he screamed, at the top of his lungs. All he could hear, all he could see, was blood. Blood, blood, blood. He threw the desk, tore at the wood until it cracked, splintered. Pulled a leg loose, threw it. He screamed again, a wordless sound of pure rage.
"I am a god, do you hear me?!" he threw a plate at the security camera. The Plexiglas bubble protected the equipment, but the plate shattered. He could hardly breath, he was struggling so much with everything around him. The room had been completely trashed. Pieces of broken furniture, padding from the futon, cords from the computer, the microwave.
The broken plate, it's sharp shards shining like a lighthouse. Beckoning.
Consumed with his rage, with nothing left to break but his own body, he reached down for a large shard, and plunged it into his arm. "I am immortal!" he screamed, tore his flesh open, held his arm up as if to prove it. He trembled, teeth bared, and threw the bloody shard at the camera.
The thick, red liquid welled from the wound, slid down his arm like slime, thick with coagulation. It didn't look real, even to him, but it did evaporate his rage as he realized with a sudden, sickening clarity, what he had done.
He fell to his knees as the door opened, watching the blood slide down his arm. He vomited and, just as Ryuzaki reached him, collapsed.
He awoke a short while later, a bandage on his arm, restraints on his wrists and ankles. Another infirmary, he supposed. He said nothing when he awoke.
"Was Yagami-kun attempting to kill himself?" Ryuzaki asked dryly. "He was doing a very good job at it when I arrived."
"I wasn't," Light replied gruffly, refusing to even look in Ryuzaki's direction.
"Temper tantrums are not becoming of you, Yagami-kun. You should refrain," Ryuzaki pressed.
"And perhaps you should have simply let them kill me when they were supposed to," Light snapped. "You were the one who decided to take the law into your own hands and spare me. I didn't ask for this! To live through this, to have to continue after everything had happened. What other reason would I have had, to confess to you so easily?" he demanded.
"Then Yagami-kun is suicidal," Ryuzaki frowned.
Light jerked his good arm in the restraint, wishing he could get it free, to give Ryuzaki an object lesson in just how homicidal he was. He sneered instead. "Fuck you."
"Yagami-kun is not disagreeing, so I must assume he agrees."
Was he trying to make matters worse? Light was quite sure it was so, and he jerked his arm again. "I'd much rather kill you than myself," he snarled darkly.
"Yagami-kun has faced a setback, that is all," Ryuzaki replied softly. "Recovery is done in stages, with much back-tracking. You will heal, Yagami-kun. It simply takes time."
"Time I was never meant to have in the first place," Light spat.
"If not for the rape, Yagami-kun would have had plenty of time," Ryuzaki retorted. "You would have killed me, and the way would have been cleared for you to continue with your plan of world domination."
"I'd like to kill you now," Light snapped.
"I'm afraid that can't be permitted. Rest well, Yagami-kun. You will be in here until your arm has healed and your temper has settled." With that, Ryuzaki left him alone.
In the days that followed, Light's wound reopened three times when he struggled to free himself. Frustration and rage just wouldn't ebb and two weeks later, he began slipping into a deep depression. He gave up on the struggling and was no longer held in restraints, but remained on a strict suicide watch.
He would spend hours standing in the bathroom, looking in the mirror. He was doing just that one day, while L was observing from the floor below.
"Ryuzaki," Watari came up behind the detective, laid a hand on his shoulder. "He requires company."
Ryuzaki looked up, cocking an eyebrow. "He does not seem to want company."
A soft smile wrinkled the old man's face. "What one wants is not always what is needed. He will be angry, at first, but he will begin to improve. He is still recovering from the trauma. Cycles of rage and depression are quite normal. His are compounded by losing the part of himself that was Kira, becoming shut off from the rest of the world. You may not realize it, Ryuzaki, but you and I are the only things Yagami Light has left in the world."
"Yagami-kun is an adult..." Ryuzaki pressed.
"And so are you, but you still need me, don't you?" Watari chuckled softly. "Go visit him soon, Ryuzaki. Depression is best treated with friendship."
"That is not what the psychological journals say," Ryuzaki muttered, but he respected Watari too much to argue the point. After all, the man had raised him. Ryuzaki may have never called Watari 'father', but that was the roll the man had fulfilled.
It was with a bit of uneasiness that Ryuzaki went up the flight of stairs to the infirmary floor, and unlocked the door to Light's room.
~!~!~!~!~!~
A/N: And we have the mild cliffie! =3 And the required sudden ups and downs of post-trauma recoveries. Seems a bit batty, but it's supposed to be.
Frozen Wishes: =3 I'm glad you enjoyed! I felt like I needed to show how things can get to something like normal... and then crash and burn. =3 Especially when recovering from everything that Light went through. Haha! I've never had umeboshi, though I'd probably like it. Pickled things make me happy, but I blame it on my ethnicity. XD I love sour kraut, regular pickles, pickled beets, ginger... anything, really. Kimche is THE amazing. =3 If you haven't had eel, though, you don't know what you're missing out on! I had it the first time a week ago and it was amazing, but you wouldn't like it if you don't like "fishy" fish. Like salmon or dried squid.