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Super Psycho Love	By : Rhov Category: +. to F > Fairy Tail Views: 9712 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Fairy Tail is the property of Hiro Mashima. I make no money, I just do this for my own pleasure.

Chapter List
- 9
- 10
- 11
A/N: I apologize for the hiatus. Honestly, this chapter intimidated the hell outta me.
This is the chapter where NaLu fans turn rabid and hate Rhov forever. To keep people from hunting me down, let me remind everyone that this fanfic is based on the Fairy Tail AMV "Super Psycho Love." This scene was a major part of that video, and may I say, Moonlessnight126 edited it in a way that looks amazing!

http://youtu.be/ucXn-B6DHpU
Now that I have an alibi that might appease everyone who may despise me, on with the story!

Chapter 10

You're Not Gonna Get Away
Lucy got ready for bed, a routine she had done for years: bathe, brush her teeth, comb her hair, take her pills…
Except when she went to take her birth control pill, the bottle was empty.
"Darn," she whispered. "I thought for sure I had enough for this week."
It was too late to go to the pharmacy for more. She knew that skipping one dose would be fine. She just had to make sure she took it tomorrow. Besides, Gray was out of town, so one skip was not a problem. She laid down in bed and fell asleep looking at the stars.
Since Gray was away on his mission, she let herself sleep in, then took her time getting ready that morning. First, she had to head to the pharmacy. Then she wanted to do some shopping with Levy, since tomorrow was Lucy's birthday. She hoped to get a little something special to wear for Gray, a present just for him. She could have gone alone, but she wanted to see Levy's panicking face as she looked at all the lingerie in the sex shop. She could probably convince Levy to buy something to wear for Gajeel, too. Those two were so hard to hook up, Lucy bet they had not even gotten to second base.
It was almost noon when she finally stepped out, and she hummed as she walked along the wall of the canal, waving to the boatmen who called out to her, with Plue following and mimicking her. She was almost at the pharmacy when she heard a voice that made her heart leap.
"Yo, Lucy!"
She stopped sharply, and with nervous stiffness, she turned around to see Natsu jogging up with a beaming smile.
"Whatcha up to?"
He sure sounded like the old Natsu. "Not much. I need to get some medicine."
His eyes widened in concern. "Are you sick? Should you be out of bed?" He sounded so much like the old friend who always worried about her. It was heartwarming to see that sort of Natsu once again.
"No, not sick, just…" She knew that if she mentioned birth control to Natsu, this playful and normal side to him might vanish. "It's not a big deal. So where are you headed? The guild is the other way."
"I was about to go to your house, but I smelled you this way."
"Go … to my house?" Why was he searching for her? She worried a little, but his beaming grin dispelled her anxiety.
"I'm glad I caught up to you," he said cheerfully.
Lucy let out a tiny laugh. "Weirdo," she muttered. She forgot how much she missed Playful Natsu.
Happy flew forward from the opposite direction. "There you are, Natsu. Lucy, are you okay?"
"Yeah, why?" she asked, worried if maybe she had a hickey showing. She was pretty sure she had covered all of those up with makeup.
Happy looked ready to talk, but his round eyes suddenly darted past her and widened in fear. Lucy quickly looked back to Natsu. If he had been doing anything, he wasn't anymore. A smile was still beaming on his face.
"Nothing," Happy muttered.
"Hey, I know!" Natsu shouted cheerfully. "How about all of us get lunch? I passed a bakery, and it smelled really delicious."
Lucy almost passed up his offer, but if Natsu was trying to be friendly, then she figured she should play along, too. With Gray out of town, it was a good time to talk to Natsu, and a public place meant he could not react too badly. Besides, she slept through breakfast, so she was definitely hungry.
They left, just the three of them—plus Plue—like old times. Natsu was bubbly, his antics made Lucy laugh, and for a while it was as if nothing at all had changed. They were simply nakama, teammates, friends … and that was how Lucy preferred things to be.

In the guild, Mira was talking to Makarov about Happy's worries for Natsu and his possible threats toward Lucy.
"I could be wrong," the white-haired lady said, hoping to convince herself of that, too. "I mean, we're just going off what Happy said, and maybe he misunderstood Natsu's meaning."
The guild master stroked his chin. "What do your instincts tell you, Mira?"
She frowned at that sort of question. "My instincts … say that Lucy played a game with people's hearts, and now she's about to lose."
Makarov frowned at her honest assessment. He had learned over the decades to trust the intuition of women. "Natsu hasn't been acting himself lately. When you see either him or Lucy, inform me. We need to talk to Natsu, possibly even get him psychological counseling if he's becoming as bad as Happy said. Just to be safe, we should assign someone to watch over Lucy."
"She has her Celestial Spirits."
"Yes, but I'm not sure if even Loke could win against Natsu. It's best to have someone we know for sure is stronger than that wild boy. Can I trust that task to you, Mira?"
"Of course, Master. Should I leave to her place now?"
"Yes. Hopefully she's still home. Don't tell her about what Happy said, though. If this turns out to be nothing, I'd rather not implicate Natsu falsely."
"I'll head to her place right away, then."
Mira trotted out of the guild hall and made her way to Strawberry Street. As she walked down the main avenue, she did not see the café where Natsu, Lucy, and Happy were eating lunch.

A few minutes later, the four friends left the café, stomachs full, spirits high, and even Happy seemed to have forgotten all about the troubles of the past few weeks as he played with Plue. Natsu and Lucy were laughing together. Then she saw a fleck of food on Natsu's face.
"Sheesh, such a messy eater," she teased.
She reached up and wiped it aside with her finger. However, it was a moist bit of sauce, so she licked it off, sucking her finger clean. Natsu watched her closely with a gleam in his eyes and a slight bite to his lower lip that Lucy did not see.
"Hey Lucy," he said brightly. "I wanna talk to you about something."
"Eh? What?"
"Something special. Is that okay?"
Something special? She wondered if maybe he was planning to get help for his issues. Then again, knowing Natsu, it was probably something dumb. "Okay, sure. I still need to go to the store though, so I hope this won't take long."
"That depends," he said quietly, leading her through the streets.
After a while, Lucy realized they were heading out of town and toward the woods where Natsu and Happy lived. Of course, whatever he had to show her must be at his house. However, while Lucy walked on ahead up the path, Natsu fell back. She realized how far ahead she was and looked back in confusion.
"Go on," Natsu urged brightly. "I gotta talk to Happy."
He still grinned in his playful way. Lucy sighed and shook her head. Seriously, what were these two planning? Was this a surprise party for her birthday? Did the idiot think her birthday was today instead of tomorrow? She decided to let Natsu have his fun and continued up the forest path with Plue beside her.
Natsu watched Lucy go, waited a bit, and then looked down to Happy. "Go back to the guild," he ordered.
Happy trembled at the fierce glare in Natsu's eyes. "What are you planning to do?"
"I need to talk to Lucy … alone. She's going to come live with us soon."
"She … she is?" Happy asked in excitement. Natsu was so much better when Lucy was around the house.
"Yep. I'm gonna try to make her happy. I've gotta!" he said with determination. "But first, I need to patch up a few things. I need to do it on my own. This is between me and Lucy now."
"But Natsu…"
"Grownup time, Happy," he snapped.
The blue cat froze, then dropped his head. "Is that so? I guess if she's gonna live with us again … you two had a lot of grownup time back then."
"Yeah, we did," he said with a sad smile. "And we're gonna have more grownup time. She'll be with us again, and it's gonna be wonderful. We'll be a family."
"Family?" Happy said in shock.
Natsu leaned over and patted Happy on the head. "Would you like Lucy as your mother?"
"Aye, sir!"
"Me too. She'll come back to us, and we'll be a family. I just need a little grownup time."
"If you say so. Should I stay with Wendy and Charle again?"
"Yeah … stay the night with them."
"Okay. I hope you and Lucy can be happy again."
"Me too, Happy."
Wings appeared on his back, and the Exceed flew off back toward town.
Natsu glanced back to Lucy walking down the path. He growled under his breath, "We're gonna be a family … no matter what!"
He quickly caught up with her, beaming brightly. Lucy smiled over, but she looked a bit worried. With Happy gone, it was just her and Natsu. She picked Plue up and hugged him, secretly worried. Maybe coming into the woods alone with Natsu was a bad idea.
They came to a clearing and Natsu suddenly stopped. Lucy jolted and looked back. One of her hands drifted to the pouch of keys. She was still on guard around him, although she wanted to think he was back to his normal, silly self.
"Lucy." Natsu's voice sounded so sad, it startled her. "What do I have to do to get you back? Just tell me. I'll do anything. If you want me to change, I'll change. If you want me to be more mature, I'll try, I really will." His face tensed up with depressed anguish. "I need you back, Lucy. Happy and I want you back with us. Please. We wanna be a family again."
"Natsu…" She pouted at how sincerely sorry he sounded.
"If I'm messing up, if I'm not the sort of man you want anymore, then tell me what I need to do. You can't be vague. I'm not smart enough to figure out hints and riddles on my own. You say I need to learn how to treat women better. Okay, but … how?" he shouted. "I messed up with you, I know that, and I really do regret it, but … but I haven't been with anyone else since you. I can't still be messing up with women, so … maybe I'm better. I don't know, and I can't know unless I'm dating a girl, but I don't want anyone other than you, so … so I…" His face dropped. "I want to be with you again, more than anything."
Maybe her harsh lesson worked. "I really do hope you have matured, Natsu. What you did to me was really selfish and thoughtless, but I'll admit, what I did back to you was pretty crummy as well."
"So, we both messed up," he shrugged. "Let's get back together. We can try it again, get it right this time."
"Natsu…" She sighed, pitying him slightly. "I'm with Gray now. We're happy. I'm not going to leave him for you. Doing something like that to him would be just as awful as what you did to me. I won't put him through that."
Natsu flopped on the grass with a frustrated sigh. Then he glared up in bitterness. "What if I tell him what you did?"
"Gray will forgive me."
"Are you sure?" he snapped.
"If I explain everything, he'll understand. I trust him."
His lips pulled back in an angry sneer. "Do you really think he trusts you? Does he think you're a loving girlfriend, or some untrustworthy slut who can't be left on her own? Does he trust you to be around me, or does he tell you to stay away from me and other guys? Does he trust you while he's gone, or does he mark you as his property?"
She stiffened slightly as his accusations came too close to the truth.
"When we went on that mission, you were all over me," he growled. "Flirting with me, kissing me, practically throwing yourself at me. Is that something a loving girlfriend does? Do you want me to tell Gray how you let me touch you, how you moaned, and how I could smell that you were aroused?"
"A natural physiological reaction, nothing more. I was testing you and punishing you. I wasn't trying to win you back. I don't want to be back together with you, okay? I'm sorry."
"But Lucy…"
"I … don't … love … you. Get that through your thick skull. I would like if we could keep being friends, but … we had our chance, Natsu. It didn't work out. I moved on. You should, too."
He glared at her. "If you didn't want me back, why did you act like that?"
Lucy hugged Plue closer. "I already told you. Vengeance," she answered bluntly. "You hurt me bad, Natsu. You really broke my heart when you took my virginity only to dump me because I wasn't fun anymore. I wanted you to feel the same way. I wanted you to hurt, to feel the craving for someone you love, only to get rejected … just like what you did to me." She calmed herself and looked away. "I know it was cruel but … but I … I really hated you," she confessed, finally venting the anguish she had bottled for months. "For dumping me like that, for making me feel like some used sex toy … I hated you. I wanted vengeance, redemption, retribution. I wanted you to hurt! But now…" She sighed as the burst of anger waned. "I'm sick of this. I just want things to go back to normal. I'm getting over what happened. Gray … he's been helping me get over it. Maybe you need someone like that. You need to get over me, Natsu. All that was in the past. You need to move on."
Natsu's nostrils twitched and his eyes hardened. "Move on?" He suddenly rose to his feet, staring hard. "You really don't love me at all anymore, do you?"
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I care for you. The memories of our time together are really dear to me. Maybe a small part of me is still … physically attracted," she admitted hesitantly. "But as for love?" She shook her head sadly. "I think we've done so much to hurt one another, there is no love anymore. I still want to be teammates and friends, though."
"Friends?"
She bit her lip. If Natsu hated her so much that he did not even want to be friends, what would happen to the team?
"We're still friends, Lucy."
She let out a little sigh of relief. Still, his eyes had not softened at all as he said that. In fact, they looked even fiercer. Natsu turned and walked back down the path. Lucy thought that was the end of their private discussion. He was obviously angry, but she had been firm. All they needed was to talk it out like two rational adults. He would leave, respecting her position, letting her and Gray be happy together, even if deep inside he did not like it. Maybe Natsu was maturing after all.
"Well, if that's all…" she began to say.
Instead, Natsu punched a tree so hard, the trunk shattered and fell across the path. She stepped back in shock. Natsu's knuckles dripped blood, yet his fist still pressed against the remaining trunk.
His head slowly turned back toward her, and he glared sharply. Lucy's breath caught in her throat. There was something wrong about the way Natsu looked … something very wrong.
"You messed with the wrong Dragon Slayer, Lucy. I got punished for dumping you, so don't you think it's only fair that you get punished for tempting me?" His eyes were practically burning with emotion. "You're not gonna get away with leading me on."
He took a seat on the trunk, completely blocking her exit, and glared at her. Lucy saw it again, that Dragon Slayer's gleam that made her pulse race, only now, alone with Natsu and those burning eyes sneering directly at her, she felt pure terror. Fight-or-flight instincts kicked in, thrumming through her veins and chilling her arms. She knew that when dealing with Natsu, fighting was a plain stupid option. There was no way she could win. Even her strongest Celestial Spirits would have a hard time defeating the Fire Dragon Slayer.
Instincts honed through many battles kicked in. Her eyes darted around the clearing, inspecting the bramble, the trees, any possible escape routes, or even weapons to use against him. Her only escape was to run deeper into the woods and toward Natsu's own house. He knew this path better than her, having walked it day after day, whereas she had only been over to Natsu's house a few times. Her hands went icy as she realized she was all alone, trapped, and Natsu was blocking the only feasible exit.
"You think I toyed with you?" he asked in dire tones. "I messed up, sure. It was my first time being in love … my one and only lover!" He shouted that for emphasis. "Of course I made mistakes, but I truly want you back. However, over these past few months, you changed. It wasn't me, but you. You were the one who slept around. You were the one who betrayed your own best friend by dating Gajeel, and who threatened your friendship with your own Celestial Spirits by dating Loke. You leaped from guy to guy. It's obvious to everyone, Lucy. You don't want a boyfriend. You want a dog, just like Plue," he said, nodding to the shaking white puppy. "That's all Gray is, right? Your little guard dog."
He stood and strode over to Lucy, glaring down at her trembling face. She knew she should run, but her legs were not responding. Fear had frozen her limbs. Natsu sneered, and she felt the incalescent breath seething in huffs through his clenched teeth.
"I … am not … a puppy! I am a Dragon Slayer."
He grabbed her wrist, making her drop Plue so roughly that the Little Dog poofed away. Natsu squeezed her arm tightly, and Lucy cringed at the pain.
"Stop it! That hurts."
"You wanna play with me. Fine. Let's play, Lucy."
"No!" She shoved him away and made a grab toward her Spirit Keys.
Natsu was faster and snatched the keys away, ripping the entire pouch off her belt with the sound of tearing fabric. He held them just out of reach and laughed at her. "Helpless without these, aren't you?"
"Natsu!" she shouted in anger. He knew how precious those keys were to her.
"You want me to be your dog, right?" he laughed wildly. "Dogs hide their master's things." He threw the keys up into the air, and they caught on a high branch. Lucy gasped as she looked up at them. "Now," Natsu grinned fiercely, "let's play. What else do dogs do, huh? Bite? Hump legs? Bury their bone in a place you don't want them to touch?"
"You wouldn't dare," she sneered, but fear trembled through her anger. Would he? Would someone like Natsu really…? No! This was Natsu, after all.
"You don't know me as well as you think, Lucy," he said softly as his grip on her wrist tightened slowly, more and more, bringing her bones crunching together in an agonizing crush. "I show everyone that goofball side. People like thinking I'm a moron. It puts them at ease around me."
"Natsu," she gasped. "Seriously, stop! It hurts."
"But you've seen that other side of me, Lucy." He suddenly let go of the purple and partly numbed wrist, but instead he grabbed her jaw with the same bruising strength. As she gazed up in shock, she saw the narrow gleam of sadistic eyes Natsu normally only showed to enemies. "You've seen what I really am deep inside."
She had. She witnessed enough battles to know that Natsu had one hell of a vicious side to him. Now, those savage eyes were focused on her.
She struck out with both hands, shoving him away, but her right wrist shot blinding white pain. Had he really broken it? She cradled the arm as she backed off, trying to will the pain to go away so she could think clearly. Strategy was her forte, after all. She could never match Natsu in raw strength, and probably not in speed, not wearing heeled boots. She had to think her way out.
However, even she knew the situation was grim. Without her right hand, she would have a hard time wielding her whip. Natsu did not look sane at all. Talking to him was probably out of the question. She did not have her keys, and she had sternly told Loke not to show his face anymore unless she called for him. Even if the Lion sensed something was wrong, he would obey her order not to come without a summons.
Besides, she wasn't sure if even Loke could beat Natsu in a fight.
She looked up to where the pouch of keys had caught. If she could knock them down…
She ran to the side, scurrying away. Natsu merely stood there, looking mildly amused, watching to see what she would try. She grabbed a rock, but again, her right hand was in pure agony. She took it in her left hand, but as she threw it up to the branch, she did not have the coordination she normally did. The rock did not even reach high enough, and she heard Natsu chuckling lowly at her pathetic attempt. If Plue was still there, he could have climbed the tree and get the keys. She might have also climbed, but with only one good hand, her options were severely limited.
Talking was her only route.
"This isn't you, Natsu. Snap out of it. You're not a rapist."
"Rape?" He looked hurt by the term. "Sheesh, Lucy. What sort of man do you think I am? I'm not going to rape you."
She froze, then let out a laughing sigh. When he had said something about burying his bone … Of course, that was foolish. This was Natsu, after all.
"All I wanna do is remind you."
"Of what?" she said, feeling the fear flow out and her muscles ease from their tension. Natsu was still dangerous like this—her wrist told her that much—but if he was just going to push her around a bit, she could handle that. Maybe she even deserved it if he scuffed her up a little. At least he would not hurt her in the worst way possible.
Natsu walked up to her with a smile that would have been endearing, if not for the madness in his eyes. "I want to remind you about how much you once loved me."
"I know I loved you, Natsu; however, I don't anymore."
"You do."
"No, I…"
"You do!" he snarled.
He grabbed her so suddenly, she had no time to defend herself, and just as quickly she was flying through the air. Instinctively, her hands went forward to protect her head from impact, but she slammed into a tree so hard, she really did feel her injured wrist snap this time. She screamed and crumpled to the grass, cradling her arm as tears flowed down.
"You still love me," he said in direly soft tones.
Natsu strode over, and Lucy cringed down. This was too much like when Gajeel had kidnapped her for Phantom Lord, hurting her, torturing her physically and mentally, threatening again and again to kill her while Master Jose watched dispassionately. Back then, she could handle the pain with dignity. She knew Fairy Tail was fighting Phantom Lord to get her back, so she had to show her strength as a way to cheer on her nakama. Now, it was the man she trusted most who was hurting her. Lucy could not even begin to comprehend it, and she was pretty sure she could not keep up a mask of dignity.
Suddenly, just like back then and how Gajeel manhandled her, Natsu grabbed Lucy up by her hair. She cried out as he pulled her out of the slump and tossed her onto her stomach in a patch of softer grass. She laid there, keeping her face turned away to hide her tears.
"I'm going to remind you," he said, kneeling beside her.
She began to roll away, but Natsu slammed a hand on her shoulder, pinning her in place.
"Nuh-uh-uh," he chuckled lowly. "You're gonna stay right here until your body remembers." He leaned into her ear. "However long that takes is up to you. I hope you remember soon, Lucy, because I don't want to become a rapist. I just want you to remember. Once you remember, you'll leave Gray and come back to me."
"I'm not leaving Gray," she said stubbornly. "I love him."
She felt a sudden flinch in the hand shoving her shoulder, and Natsu's fingernails dug into her skin like the claws of a predatory bird. "Don't you dare say a lie like that again."
He grabbed her hair, pulling her head until her back bowed backward, all except the shoulder he still had thrust down. He leaned over her, his hot breath tickling her neck in the worst possible way. She remembered the heat of his breath. Once, she had liked it. Now that fiery air made her sick.
"Lucy, Lucy, Lucy," he whispered mockingly. "One hot breath on your neck, and I can smell your arousal already. Really, you're an easy girl to rile up. Unless you only react this strongly around me. I really do hope that's the case."
She felt him then, hard against the side of her thigh. She squeezed her eyes shut to block out the encroaching fear. "Please, Natsu," she sobbed. She knew there was no way to fight him, so begging was her only option. Dignity be damned! "If you stop now, we can go back home. I'll never speak of this. I'll say I slipped in the shower. Please."
"What I want you to say…" He straddled over her thighs so he could lean his whole body down on top of her. "…is 'I love you.'"
She sniffled up tears and fisted up her hands. If he was going to play it this way, then fine. "I … love you."
They were just words. Just syllables strung together. They were a ticket to freedom. She could give in this much if it meant avoiding where this was heading. She wondered what would happen next. The seconds ticked by, and Natsu had not moved or spoken. The tearing grip on her hair prevented her from looking back and seeing what sort of expression Natsu had on his face.
Finally, he deducted, "You're lying."
Suddenly, he slammed her face down into the grass so hard, white stars burst in her vision. Her forehead throbbed. She feared she might pass out, but then she felt that hot body crush down more on her.
"Let's try another one. Say 'I'm going to break up with Gray and get back together with you.'"
"No!"
His hips rolled against her, and she felt that hardness once again. It made her gasp and shudder with terror.
"Say it, and you better mean it, or I will make your body remember how much you loved me."
How could she mean it? She wanted Gray to burst into that forest and rescue her right now. Still, she could say the words. She could promise anything. As soon as she told Gray the truth, there would be an epic fight between fire and ice. In the meantime, she would say whatever she had to in order to escape, so long as Gray kicked Natsu's ass later.
"I'm going to break up with Gray," she whispered through jolting sobs. "I'll … I'll get back together … with you."
"Will you really?"
"Yes!" Promise anything. Promise to date him. Promise to love him. Promise to marry the bastard. Anything, so long as he stopped this before it got too far.
"Say you love me."
She swallowed down a lurch in her stomach. "I … I love you."
"Louder."
"I love you!"
"Add my name to that."
A shaky breath shook her lung. "I love you, Natsu. I love you."
"Very good, Lucy." His mocking voice made her sick. He leaned over and kissed her on the back of her neck, so tender that it made her skin prickle. He leaned into her ear and ardently whispered, "I love you, too. More than you'll ever know." Such tenderness made her cringe. "Last one. Say 'Fuck me, Natsu.'"
"What?" she screamed. Now she was furious. "Go to hell!"
He grabbed her face hard and squeezed her cheeks. "Say it!" he screamed, then grinned sadistically. "I know you want me to. I can smell it." He squeezed so tightly, she felt her inner cheek slice into a molar and the copper taste of blood. "It seems I'll have to remind your body after all. I really didn't want to do this Lucy, but you brought it on yourself. I had hoped you would remember. You want me. You need me." He breathed seductively into her ear. "You're gonna be with me. Forever. But first, I have to remind you. By the time we're done, you'll be begging to have me back. After all, what good master can abandon her sweet little puppy?"
He pinned both of her hands down with one of his, holding them so hard against the cold ground, she feared he would shatter every bone in her wrists. His hand fell from her hair and brushed down her neck, sending chills through her skin. He slid down her spine, then lifted her blouse ever so slightly along the bottom hem. His hot fingertips glided across her skin and up to her bra.
"Stop!" she cried, squirming frantically to free herself. She no longer cared how many bones he broke, or how he beat her up. She had to get out of there. She had to run back to Fairy Tail. They could protect her. More than anything, she wanted to stop this before Natsu did anything illegal. She did not want him to end up arrested.
He sat on her rump, then yanked her hair up again. Although her hands were free for a moment, they could not move. His tight grip had left everything from her wrists to her fingertips tingling with numbness. With his other hand, he tore Lucy's shirt apart. Buttons went flying. She felt heat as, instead of fiddling with her bra, he used a bit of his fire to burn the straps off. He had done that many times while they were dating. In fact, when she was with Natsu, she went through bras quickly.
As Natsu massaged her bared breasts, he breathed hotly on her skin. It was a comforting, nostalgic heat that made this atrocity even more sickening.
"Are you remembering yet, Lucy?" he whispered into her ear.
Her breathing was coming in fast panting as she realized that there was no stopping him. She could never hope to overpower a man like Natsu. Fighting too hard might even leave her dead. At the very least, she had to survive. She had to live through this attack so she could return to Gray. He would protect her. He would shield her. Even if Gray could be a bit possessive, that just meant he would never allow this to happen again. Never again!
Oh God, she never wanted to go through this again. It was almost too much already, and he had not done the worst. Still, she knew it was coming. She knew she was powerless. She wanted to fight, but … how? How could she fight the Fire Dragon Slayer, one of the most physically powerful wizards in all of Fiore?
She did not know how. She just knew she could not give in. Never! Even if he took her body, she would fight it every step of the way, and she would never let him snap her spirit.
His fingers pinched her nipple, and Lucy clamped her lips down tightly, refusing to give in to the sounds in her throat. She would deny him everything she could. Even if she could not break free to protect her body, she would deny him everything that was sacred about sex. She would not enjoy it. She would not moan. She would never, under any circumstances, give him pleasure in return. An empty shell of a body: that was all he would take. She tried to thrust her mind somewhere else. She did not want to be here, in this moment, knowing what was about to happen.
She only prayed Natsu would snap out of this before it got to that point.
He slid his hips forward to grind against Lucy's bare thigh. The friction from his white pants made her flinch.
"Your nipples are getting hard already."
She hated that voice. Once, he had spoken to her with tenderness. Now, although the words and the tone were the same, this was anything but love.
Just as she thought that her hands were getting enough feeling back into the fingers to attempt struggling out of his hold, Natsu dived his mouth down, bared his teeth, and bit her so hard on the shoulder, she felt warm liquid flowing over her skin. She screamed as those sharp canines pierced and dug into her flesh mercilessly.
"There," Natsu smiled, licking the bleeding bite. "A mark that even that snowman can't cover up." He heard Lucy sobbing at the agony. "Why are you crying? I'm your pet dog, right?" he laughed spitefully. "This is a love bite. You should be happy I love you so much … master!"
"Go burn in hell," she sneered.
"That'd be paradise to me." He caressed her neck in what was almost a tender touch and would have roused goosebumps if not for the burning, bleeding pain of his bite. "Do you remember the first time I did this? The first time I bit my mark into your flesh? It was our first night together. I marked you like this and told you that you would be my mate for all eternity. Do you remember that?"
Lucy said nothing. Escape from the moment! Put her mind somewhere else! That was how she managed to keep her dignity with Phantom Lord. She would do it again. Just escape the moment.
Natsu released her hair and slammed her head down into the dirt again. Leaning over her whole body, he whispered into her ear. "I said, do you remember?"
Escape. Go somewhere else. Pretend she was in a different place.
Natsu flipped her around onto her back and screamed insanely. "Do you remember?"
She gazed up at him with pure hatred now. It was the face she once adored, but this was not the same man who used to make her heart flutter. "I remember it … asshole."
"Good. I'm glad." The brightly beaming smile made her even more angry. She wanted to be on her stomach again, able to hide from his narrow eyes. Maybe she could let her mind escape if she did not have to see him.
Natsu caressed a bruise on her face. His eyes were tender, but the touch still hurt. Slowly, her eyes opened.
"Natsu," she sighed gently, saying his name with endearment. His eyes widened in shock. "I think … I think I really am remembering. Your hands were so warm, so rough, but so gentle."
A smile of hope trembled on his face. "You … you remember? Do you want me back?" he asked desperately. "Please, Lucy. Please say you remember how it was. Please say you want me back."
She reached up to his face. "Oh Natsu," she sighed meekly. She smiled the cutest face she could manage as her fingers caressed up his cheeks. Her thumbs traced around his eyebrows as her hands massaged into his hair. His eyes fluttered closed at the gentle touches. Sweetly, she said, "Go fuck yourself."
Her thumbs suddenly plunged into his eye sockets, and she gritted as she put as much effort as she could into it. Even a weak girl can gouge a man's eyes out. He screamed, pulled back quickly, grabbed her wrists, and pinned them down again so harshly, she felt the broken bone in her wrist separate more.
"Oh, you're just begging for punishment, aren't you?"
His head slammed down, ramming into her forehead with a loud crack. All went fuzzy for Lucy. Her mind vanished for a moment. She could not see, and she thought for sure she would go unconscious. Still, she heard his voice and felt his touches.
"You like being restrained, don't you?" he said mockingly. He pulled both limp wrists together, pinning them. "I still have our handcuffs at home, you know. Maybe I should have brought them." His other hand reached up her skirt, and she felt the same heat disintegrate her panties. "You really loved when I'd cuff you to the bed and make you squirm. Such a kinky girl!"
Just let it be over with. Hide away somewhere. Hide and escape from the truth…
The truth that the man who had been her best friend was betraying her in the worst way possible.
He trailed kisses down her bare shoulders, then he suckled her perky nipple. Lucy tensed up, struggling not to vomit. She hated the physical pleasure that came with his hot lips. Then Natsu's teeth dragged the nipple up until it stretched and bounced back down. She yelped without meaning to, eliciting a dark chuckle from Natsu that caused every hair on her body to stand on end.
"You like that, don't you, Lucy? For a girl with such huge boobs, they sure are sensitive. Do you remember that, too? Do you remember how it felt to have hot hands on you?"
He used both hands to grope her. Physically, there was a tingle of pleasure in the nerves, but that meant nothing at all. She hated him. For using her own body to betray her, for treating her like some toy, for daring to touch her without permission … she hated him.
She ignored the pain in her hands in order to give Natsu the hardest shove she could manage, shouting to focus all of her energy, and to distract herself from the pain. The bone in her wrist was already broken, so she would simply deal with added damages later. One leg broke free to the side, and she slammed her heeled boot right down into Natsu's kidney, getting him to cry out in pain. Then she rolled quickly, getting out from under him, hoping to break free. She got three and a half spins over the grass before a foot crashed down on her back. There was burning in her spine and a pop from a vertebra. Pain flashed down one of her nerves like searing lightning, followed instantly by numbness.
"Oh God," she gasped, fearing he really had hurt her bad this time.
Horror overcame her as she realized she could not feel half of her left thigh. It was completely numb, gone from her body, no pain but also no way to use the muscles. She realized in terror, she would not be able to walk. If it was as bad as she feared, she might never walk again.
"I don't want to hurt you, Lucy."
She could not move. She could not use her right hand. She could not walk with her left leg. Her vision was still doubled from the hit to her forehead. Her mind was breaking, slowly succumbing to the fear that if she fought more, he might truly kill her. Death was way more terrifying than rape. It was a fear of the unknown, whereas at least she was experienced. She knew what her body would feel if he raped her.
Go away. Escape from your mind. Retreat to some pleasant place. It'll all be like a dream. It'll be over, and then … then …
Natsu crawled on top of her again. "Did that hurt? I'm so sorry."
His weight on her spine hurt so badly, she shrieked. "Natsu! My back! Oh God, I think you broke it. Get off … please," she sobbed. "Please, just … just get off me. It really hurts. Please!"
"Your back?" He ran his hand down her spine. When he came to that reddened area, Lucy screamed in blinding pain. "I see. So it hurts … here?"
He sadistically pressed on the spine, and Lucy choked on vomit from the pain. "No … don't. Don't, please."
"Say 'Fuck me, Natsu.'"
"Please!"
He pressed harder, and she thought for sure she would pass out. She wanted to truly escape now, and being unconscious was one way of leaving this moment, this body, this pain.
Natsu whispered into her ear. "Beg me to fuck you."
She shook her head, although the pain was slowly breaking her mind. Natsu suddenly punched her back, and this time Lucy really did vomit with pain. Acid shot up and splattered on the grass, mixing with blood from a cut on her inner cheek.
"Say it," he breathed seductively while his knuckles twisted against that injured vertebra.
The torture was worse than anything she had endured in any of her times being captured by enemies. Never had she felt something so agonizing, and knowing it was her former lover hurting her like this just made it worse.
"Say it, and all the pain goes away."
Pain! She was breaking from the pain, but she did not want to be weak.
"I won't even fuck you today, since you're hurt. I'll wait. I'll be gentle. Just say the words. Say you want to have sex with me. Say you want me back, you love me, and you'll never leave me. That's all I want, Lucy. I want you back."
It was tempting. As his hand pressed into the inflamed nerves around her spine, she was ready to say or do anything to make it go away.
Until a face came to her mind. Gray's face. Gray's smile. Maybe she was hallucinating, seeing him there, but it calmed her. He was here. He would save her.
"Gray…"
She heard the growl behind her, and Natsu hit that part of her spine again. However, it's funny how pain begins to dull so quickly in the mind. What was torture a moment ago was now merely painful as she stared at the imaginary face of her black-haired lover. She was drifting away from the pain, away from the moment and the actions.
The sound of his zipper coming down hardly affected her. Nor when he shoved her skirt up to her waist. Maybe she was already broken and insane. If so, insanity was rather nice. She felt less pain, less fear. It was peaceful in her little bubble of fantasy, floating together with Gray.
"I'll make you forget him."
Hot fingers returning to her skin. He traced patterns up her thighs, spreading them. She could not even feel the left thigh past a certain part, so she could not force her legs closed as he spread them and used his knees to hold them apart. He grabbed her rear, nails digging into her flesh, and massaged those soft globes.
"Front entrance, or back? Back one hurts more, you know. I won't prep you or anything. But the front one … well, there are certain issues with that entrance, right?"
She said nothing. She wanted to feel nothing. Escape the moment. Stay in this little nook of non-being.
"Front it is," he decided for her. He pressed against her entrance, exploring it with his tip.
Suddenly, the sweet escape vanished. The pain was back in full, and with it the terror. Lucy gasped, wanting to escape again, to stay away. Being here again, feeling what he was doing, was too much for her. Natsu drew back, sliding himself over her to rub some of her moisture onto him, before pushing slightly at her folds. Blood rushed to her face in both rage and utter humiliation.
"No!" she shrieked. "Natsu, don't do this!"
"Too late."
Natsu slammed inside her so quickly and roughly, she could not even scream before the pain took her breath away, leaving her choking dryly.
"You're mine," Natsu grunted.
She could practically feel the way he bared his teeth in triumph as he pulled out and thrust deeply inside of her again. She bit her lip and tried to fight back the tears.
Where was her bubble of peace? Why the hell could she not escape again?
She was slammed harder against the grass with every move he made, rough and constant. There was no illusion of comfort, no pretending to be tender with love. It was vigorous marking of one's property. Each ramming thrust sent white flashes of pain through her injured spine.
This wasn't lovemaking. It was torture.
He suddenly stopped, but Lucy did not dare open her eyes. He was still inside her, resting there. She knew why, too. He wanted to drag this out. He wanted it to last as long as possible. In their time dating, he had learned to stop once in a while so he would not come too soon. She felt her pulse throbbing through her straining entrance, shaking her whole body with each racing beat. He leaned closer, pushing her hair aside with his nose.
"Are you enjoying this, my love?" he whispered, brushing his lips down her neck in a twisted illusion of intimacy. Then he licked the blood still dripping from his bite wound. "Do you remember yet? Don't lie to me. Remember how good it used to be? Remember how I used to pleasure you all night and into morning? I remember, Lucy," he said with unnerving tenderness. "I remember learning everything about you, and everything about myself. I didn't know much of anything before you. I didn't realize how good it can feel if you just … slow … down."
He pulled almost completely out of her, letting just his tip dance partly inside her, before sliding back in slowly, deliberately, moaning softly in her ear as he sheathed himself inside of her.
"I learned this from you, Lucy. Everything I know, I learned from you. My only lover! I used to think I could forget, but I couldn't. Even the way I touch myself with my own hand, I learned how to really stroke myself by realizing how much I liked the way your hands did it. I can never forget. I made a mistake when I broke up with you, and I realized that right away, the first time I tried to touch myself. It could never feel as good as this, as being inside you." His length moved so slowly inside of her, it was almost impossible to feel it sliding in and out, except for the searing pressure it placed on her spine when he pressed inward. "I won't make that mistake again. I'm going to love you properly from now on. I won't ever let you go."
Natsu hugged her from behind, lying his entire back down on top of her, crushing her in his embrace.
"Never let you go," he repeated adamantly. "Never!"
He peppered her neck with kisses and stroked her hair. His hips thrust, and she heard the occasional slurping sound of his movements. She hated that she was so moist. It was natural, of course. Her body would get some natural lubricant merely getting a Pap smear (which was certainly something no woman enjoyed).
What was truly sickening was that this slow, sensual action made her remember too much that they had been lovers. It brought up memories of those tender times. If he had simply been violent and forceful, she could keep hating him. This attentiveness was breaking her will far quicker than something more violent.
It was also driving her to the edge. She felt the coiling in her gut, hard twitches deep within her, and she gasped, knowing what was about to happen.
"Please … no. No!" She clawed at the dirt, shrieking as she felt her body losing control.
"Are you almost there, Lucy?" he asked sadistically. "Do you need it more?"
His thrusts quickened, and it threw her over the edge. Nothing could stop the muscles from contracting. She wanted to stop it. She wanted to hold back. How … how could she possibly be reacting like this? She hated it. She hated him. Still, she felt pulses tighten within her and a quivering that made her tremble with sickening pleasure.
"Yes, Lucy. Come for me. Squeeze my cock. I love to feel it. I love feeling you squeeze me like this."
She sobbed as she could not stop herself, no more than a drowning person could stop themselves from eventually gasping and swallowing water.
And that was how it felt: like she was drowning, dying, being swallowed in darkness as she sank away from sanity and normality, falling into the burning pits of Hades, with a fiery demon to lead her down along the path.
"I love you, Lucy," he said in an ardent whisper, kissing her ear as he held still, feeling her contractions still quivering around him. "I love you so much. I'm so glad. Your body remembered. I'm so relieved." He kept kissing her skin as she sobbed, sinking lower and lower even after her body stopped reacting. "Say 'I love you' again, like you did earlier. I liked hearing you say that. Please, Lucy. Say it again."
Instead, she swung her face to the side to glare back at him with all the fury that overflows Hell and resides only in the blackened hearts of a woman scorned. "I'm going to fucking kill you," she growled through gritted teeth.
Natsu stopped and stared in surprise. Instead of looking hurt, he slowly smiled, that sick grin from earlier that made his eyes narrow with vile pleasure. "That's more like it. Do you know what really made me fall in love with you?"
He plunged inside of her again, ramming her so hard, her breasts scraped over the dirt, got cut up, and began to bleed.
"You're strong. Maybe not physically, but mentally. If I broke you this easy, it really wouldn't be fun anymore."
Not fun anymore. That was just like what he said back then to her, breaking up with her because she wasn't fun anymore. Those words made the rage boil in her blood.
"Maybe I should infest you." His hand slithered under her body to her lower belly, coming to land on her womb. "I can make it so you have to come back to me. You'll have no other choice."
Lucy knew the threat was moot. She was on medication to prevent pregnancy. Sure, she skipped a pill, but all she had to do was take another one today and she would be safe. Still, a threat like that struck an instinctual fear in her, the fear any woman has when facing rape: What if I get pregnant?
Just then, Gray's face came to mind again. What would he think? Would he support her and a child from another man? Would he leave her? Lucy began to increase her struggles as fears and doubts burned her along with Natsu's fiery touches.
"Please, Natsu … don't," she sobbed.
"I'm going to," he threatened, huffing heavily. "I'm gonna come inside. I'll make you return to me. We will be a family!"
Lucy's nerves were on fire, white hot as he slammed over and over, painfully ramming his hips against her in a wild rhythm. His sacks brushed her clit with every surge forward, making her tremble again in post-coital sensitivity. She felt the raw power in his body, the strength of his muscles, and the heat that flamed within him. His hands painfully gripped her hips, pulling her back onto his length every time he thrust forward, ensuring he would drive into her as deep as he could go.
Natsu grunted as he slammed in hard a few more times. "You … will … be … mine!"
Then he rammed in and roared. Lucy felt the pressure fill her, and she howled in horror.
If she got pregnant…
Oh God, if she ended up with Natsu's baby…
"No…" she whimpered tearfully.
Natsu gave a few more thrusts, making sure every drop entered her. Even when he was done, he did not pull out, plugging up her entrance to make sure the seed remained inside.
"My mate," Natsu huffed, clinging to her. "You will always be mine, Lucy. Always. I love you, and I need you. Mine … all mine."
Reality slammed down on her. She sobbed in misery, feeling filthy and wretched.
She hurt … so much. And not just her body. She felt as if her soul had been beaten up.
As Natsu finally pulled out, she felt the sticky fluid slowly dripping from within her. Suddenly, completely overcome with disgust and terror, Lucy vomited. It was not like the little burst of sickness earlier. This time, everything came hurling up, including the food she had just eaten with Natsu and Happy. She choked as vomit splattered under her, stinking and making her want to puke more. She gagged, choking with dry heaves, vomit under her face, chunky bits of food in her sinuses, and burning acid tingling in her nose.
"Am I that sick to you?" Natsu sneered as he stood up and fixed his pants. "You better get used to it. You can't go back to Gray now. I won't let him take what's mine."
She was still gagged on her vomit, trying to spit it all out.
Natsu suddenly screamed, "Do you hear me?" He kicked her in the stomach, knocking her onto her side. Lucy curled up into a ball, protecting herself as well as she could. "Look at you," he spat. "I was the one who showed you what love was, and now you spread your legs for anyone. You get wet for anyone. You come from anyone. Disgusting! No man would want you. None but me. I claimed you as my mate, so as the whole world looks at what a disgusting whore you are, I'm the only man you can turn to. You have no choice but to return to me now."
He leaned over and hefted her into his arms. She was too sore to struggle much, but she still did not limply allow him to do even this. She squirmed, although that made her back muscles contract with agony.
"Calm down. I'm just taking you home so I can tend to your injuries. I was rough, so I'll take responsibility." He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. She felt so sick, she could not even pull back from him. She merely stared with blank eyes and a blank mind.
"We're going home, Lucy … where you belong!"
He began to walk, and the jolting made her spine throb. She still felt stickiness between her thighs. Absently, she realized they were leaving her keys behind. She almost wanted to apologize to her Spirits, but…
She was too weak.
She did not deserve to be in charge of caring for Celestial Spirits when she could not even protect herself.
She hated herself. Filthy! Infested! Disgusting! A whore!
"I love you, Lucy."
Words that once made her blush now made her want to vomit again. The pain was making her sleepy.
It was no fair that only now, after the worst was over, did her body finally allow her to escape. She passed out in Natsu's arms, broken and beaten.

Lucy woke up in a bed with heat beside her. Her wrist had been splinted and wrapped. She felt some sort of tingling salve on her spine. To her relief, she could again feel the leg that had been numb earlier. Other bandages were on her body. Her skin felt like it had been washed, and she was wearing a shirt and skirt that she thought had gone missing ages ago. Had she left some of her clothes at Natsu's house from back when they were dating?
Then she realized Natsu was lying in bed beside her. She gasped softly. The terror that just happened had a surreal haze to it. She knew it had really happened—the injuries were proof—but her brain refused to accept that cute and silly Natsu Dragneel was capable of such violence.
It was impossible! It wasn't like him at all.
Except, Natsu did have a huge sadistic streak. She had learned that early on in their time dating. He liked to be rough, even hurtful. He used to handcuff her, spank her, and punish her while teasing that she was a bad girl. Back then, she had loved all of it. She liked how fiery he was in the bedroom. Even when he got harsh, it was an erotic pain. He liked making her yelp, even cry, until she begging him to stop. That was the fierceness of a Dragon Slayer.
Yes, he definitely had a dark streak. Still, she didn't want to accept this as truth.
Hide away. Pretend it never happened. Go on with life and try to be happy. Try to forget. Try to stay in love with Gray. Gray will protect me. Gray will fight Natsu and get revenge. Gray … Gray will forgive me for being weak.
She slowly slipped out of bed, being extra careful not to wake Natsu. Her injured back sent streaks of white pain through her vision. The leg might have sensation, but the injury was pretty damn bad. Still, she needed to get out of there. It was foggy and dark outside, the gray-pink light of a sun just below the horizon, but she forgot which way Natsu's house faced. Was it sunset, or morning?
She tiptoed through the house, avoiding the messes. She saw a picture of herself in a frame, although the glass was shattered. She saw other things that belonged to her, including her pouch of keys, which she retrieved with a sigh of relief. Hanging from a lamp was a beaded bracelet Natsu gave her once. She did not remember giving it back to him, but maybe she left it.
Or maybe he stole it.
In shock, she realized Natsu practically had a shrine to her. She saw pinned to the wall a pair of her panties, a barrette, and a torn out page from her diary that dated to the time they were dating, filled with erotic descriptions of some wild night between them. There were newspaper clipping of missions they did together where the paper quoted Lucy's words, pages from Sorcerer Magazine with her picture, a centerfold bikini picture she did with Virgo as a special on Celestial Spirit wizards, and what really made her blush was a glossy photo of her naked in the shower. She remembered the day Natsu sneaked a camera into her bathroom and took that picture. She had beaten him up for it. He later gave her the photo, apologizing with his adorable puppy eyes. She forgave him and thought nothing else of it. She never imagined he had made copies of that picture.
As she looked, there were other erotic photos, none she remembered him taking, all of them she could tell were done in a sneaky way: peeking through a window as she undressed, foliage in the foreground as Natsu must have been peeking through bushes to watch her in a hot spring, and worst of all was a photo of her on her bed, legs spread, a dildo pleasuring her, her mouth gaped open in a moan while her fingers twisted her bare nipple. From the angle, she knew that photograph must have been taken from her window, and by the plate of cookies sitting on the nightstand, she realized this was taken last week. She remembered that particular "relief session," and the cookies she had been eating while reading one of Erza's erotic yaoi novels. As she looked at the photo more, she even saw the opened book dropped to the side, forgotten in the throes of self-gratification.
The bastard had been peeking in on her, probably for months, and obsessively taking pictures of her. Even when she was dating Gray, Natsu was still invading her privacy.
She decided not to question the suspicious stains splattered near this alter of adoration. It was too creepy, even for her. It epitomized just how insanely obsessive Natsu had become. She left the bedroom as quickly and silently as possible.
When she was gone, Natsu's eyes opened with a narrow gleam, and a smirk lifted the corner of his mouth.
Lucy found her shoes and slipped them on. She attached her key pouch to her belt, then stealthily walked to the door. She was pretty sure it was morning, since the light outside was getting stronger, not weaker. She had slept all afternoon, evening, and through the night. Probably, that deep sleep was caused by her concussion. Her head was still throbbing, and her stomach growled. She ate only one meal yesterday, and that had been puked up. She felt starving and weak, yet she needed to get out of there.
Ever so slowly, she twisted the doorknob, praying it would not squeak. Natsu had good ears and an even better nose. He would smell that she was gone. She had to escape while he slept.
Finally, the doorknob turned all the way, and she pulled the door back, millimeter by millimeter, holding the door so it would not creak.
Suddenly, the door was pushed open so quickly, it almost hit Lucy in the face. She gasped as she saw Natsu himself standing in the entryway. He had felt Lucy leave the bed, of course, and sneaked out the window.
Lucy stiffened defiantly. She realized he might take her again. She would stubbornly fight, no matter the injuries to herself. He might demand that she stay here, cage her in his home, restrain her, or even handcuff her to the bed. If he did, Gray would eventually come to free her. Either way, she would not give in to him without a fight.
"Happy birthday, Lucy," he said with disgustingly slick words. "Did you like my present? Sorry it was a little early."
She had almost completely forgotten the day. It was morning, which meant it was now her birthday. Back in the guild, people were probably preparing for a party. They would want to celebrate her birth.
Right now, all she wanted was to escape this house alive.
"I'll give you three days," Natsu said in a gravelly tone. "Break up with that snowball, move all of your stuff out of his house, and return to me. Live here. If you don't … I'll kill him," he growled insanely.
Lucy gasped and stepped back. Natsu often said things like he wanted to kill Gray, but never had he said something like this with such insane, fatalistic eyes.
"I will kill that bastard for taking what's mine. Then as he's dying, I'll make him watch as I fuck you, again and again, until he breathes his last breath cursing you. I will make him suffer until his soul plunges into Hell. Don't think I won't."
That was what feared her. He looked dead serious!
"I think I'm being generous, giving you time to break up in a way that won't make you regret it. I'm even letting you spend your birthday with him. Very generous indeed! But don't toy with me, Lucy." He reached forward and caressed her bruised cheek. "I will have you back. You're my mate for life. I have to be a good mate: understanding, tolerant, forgiving. I'm trying to learn that. I'm trying to be mature, just like you want. Still, you are my mate for life! The only way to escape that fate is when you die."
Fear trickled through her. "Would you kill me as well?" she whispered faintly.
"Of course not, but…" He reached forward and rubbed his thumb over her lips. "I would take you forcefully again. Definitely!"
She slapped him away as hard as her left hand could hit. Anger, terror, memories of what happened, all cascaded into her heart, making her shake in a mix of fear and hatred.
Natsu chuckled slyly. "You must have really enjoyed that yesterday, so much that you passed out. It's been a while since I made you do that. I really wore you out, huh? I bet that was way better than anything those others could give you." He leaned in closer. "Do you remember when I used to make love to you for so long, you couldn't walk straight for a week? Do you remember how gentle I could be, making you come again and again, dozens of times in a single night, teasing you with my fingers and tongue until you passed out? Then I would take you while you were asleep, and you'd wake up to me thrusting into you. Remember that? Fucking a sleeping girl: that's a form of rape, you know. Yesterday wasn't the first time I raped you, Lucy. I've done it many times, and you used to like it. Do you remember those times?"
A tear dripped down her eye as her lips began to tremble. Remembering those tender moments, juxtaposed with the horror from yesterday, broke her heart. It did not make her want that past again. Instead, it made her regret that she had ever fallen in love with a man capable of becoming this.
"Ya know," he chuckled darkly, "last night, I took you again while you were unconscious. You didn't wake up at all, but you were moaning. You were loving it so much, squeezing me so tightly, moaning and clenching on me, I came way too soon. Even in your sleep, you love my cock. And do you know what?" A terrifying smirk rose to his lips. "You didn't take your pill last night, Lucy."
She gasped in horror. Her birth control pill! Natsu knew when she took it, and she had missed her dose, slept right through it.
"You didn't take it the previous night either, did you? Two days in a row." He tisked at her and shook his head. "That's not safe, ya know."
"How … how did you know that I ran out of pills?"
He stared with merely a smile, yet a sinister chortle quietly rumbled in his chest.
The truth horrified her. "You … you emptied my bottle. You bastard!"
If Natsu stole all of her birth control pills, it meant he had planned to do this from the very start. All the sweet smiles yesterday, the disarming laughs, the heartfelt pleading, all of that had been an act. From the beginning, he had planned to rape her, and realizing this crushed the last grain of hope she had for Natsu's redemption. Yesterday was not an impulsive moment of temporary insanity. It had been premeditated, and he had even set up something so atrocious as stripping her of her muliebral protection just before invading her like that.
Natsu put a hand on her lower belly. "I wonder what's in here. It's a surprise, you know. Boy? Girl?" His narrow eyes turned up to her, glinting victoriously. "Happy birthday. I hope you like my gift."
She pulled away violently, completely overcome with terror. With a scream of hysteria, Lucy raced past him, running away from the house while completely blinded by despair. The worst horror, something she thought she did not have to worry about, was now a real possibility.
If she got pregnant, would Gray still want her?
Lucy ran frantically down the forest path until she came to the tree trunk Natsu had smashed in the way. She could have climbed over the trunk, but she was at her limit. She collapsed as tears finally won over. Alone now, she curled into a fetal position and let out her sobs as loudly as she wanted.
Lucy stayed on the ground, hiding down against the tree trunk, not wanting to move at all. She hurt, she felt filthy, and her stomach wanted to throw up again. She wanted to lie there, dead to the world, until someone found her, like a prince finding Snow White and taking her away to his shining palace. That, or she could sit there until she rotted away and her skeleton became part of the forest scenery. It didn't matter to her. She could either wither and die, or spread her legs to another Prince Charming and hope he didn't betray her this time.
Why? Why did this happen? How could Natsu, of all people, turn out like this? Just how badly had she broken him to drive him to do something this despicable?
She hated him, but what was worse, she hated herself. She hated that she made Natsu this insane. She hated that she had taunted him and mentally tortured him. She hated that she had an orgasm from his touches. She hated how her body had responded, betraying her, a body that rebelled against her mind and spirit. She hated the memories of better times, when he used to ravage her and make her moan with pleasure. She hated knowing that those tender days could never happen again. There was no way she could return to Natsu now.
She also dreaded that she could no longer face Gray.
Lucy reached down to her stomach. Her womb was like a sacred temple that she protected, forbidding any man from conquering this last hallowed place. Now, Natsu might have broken her ultimate defenses.
Her sacred temple—her womb—the one place a woman reserves for the man she wants to start a family with, and it might have been ransacked, usurped by a fetus of the man who had betrayed her so deeply.
This horror was so deep, Lucy leaned over and vomited again, although only bile came out of her empty stomach. Morning sickness? No, it was something worse. It was sickness of the heart, disgust at herself, at her body, and at the thought of having to live the rest of her life with this painful memory.
How could she live like a normal person anymore after suffering so much?
She felt alone. Broken. Disgusting.
She wanted to shrivel up. She wanted to purge the filth out of her, not just the creepy ghost touches that still burned her skin, but the infection inside of her. She wanted to forget everything, to escape this awful and unfair life.
She wanted … to die.

End of Chapter 10

A/N: I want to apologize to you readers.
The last time I updated was last summer, so it took me seven months to write this chapter. My best excuse is that this chapter scared the hell out of me! As readers who follow me on Facebook know, writing half a page mentally drained me. I was blogging about how much I struggled through this chapter, paragraph by paragraph of mental torture.
It reflects a little too closely something that happened to me in my past. Being forced to revisit that moment, relive it so I could draw upon what I went through in order to write a believable scene was, quite frankly, absolutely terrifying.
Fans on Facebook know, since I went on long discussions about this: I absolutely did not want this chapter to promote Rape Culture, which is a huge problem in this country and around the world. I did not want this chapter to involve Lucy getting assaulted, lying there like some helpless princess, and eventually enjoying it.
It's not just men who promote this atrocious concept that "rape is okay." Women are raised with those lies. In all media, from the idiot politicians we hear on TV, to religious leaders, singers in pop music, even teenagers writing fanfiction, this idea that rape is okay is spreading like a sickening plague.
As I was asking friends and readers how to write this challenging chapter—almost all of them girls—a shocking majority said, "Lucy should fight Natsu at first, but then she'll realize how good it feels. She'll eventually come to like it, because it's Natsu."
NO! Absolutely no. You do not "eventually come to like" rape. You don't. Your body may react, but you do not come to enjoy it. You do not just sit back and have fun because, hey, it feels good. Hell no! That was something I absolutely did not want to write.
Because of what happened to me in my past, I wanted to show how despicable this act is. I wanted to show the men out there … and the women! Oh, you better believe there are women out there who rape men using the justification of "you're getting hard, so you're enjoying it." It's the exact same justification men use when they rape a woman: "you're getting wet, which means you really like it." Male rapes are rarely reported because "you're a man, you should enjoy it." Men are pressured into it with taunts aimed at their masculinity: "What do you mean, you're this old and still a virgin? Come on, I'll make you into a real man. You wanna be a real man, right? Are you gonna turn me down? Is it that you're gay? You'll love it, you'll see. Don't fight me on this. I want it. I know you want it too. All men want it." Men don't fight back like women do, because as toddlers they are told "only sissies hit girls." They think they can't fight back; it's "unmasculine" to strike a woman. They are told that sex is something all men want, and they fear that the girl will laugh at him for not wanting it. Raping a man strips him of all pride, leaving him an emotional wreck, bottling it all inside, never saying a word, since he believes "big boys don't cry" and "real men want sex all the time." He feels he can't reveal that he "lost to a girl." Male rapes are rarely reported, but they are just as serious.
Rape can happen to all genders, and from all sexual preferences. Men raping women. Women raping men. Men raping men. Women raping other women. Agender, bigender, transgender, pangender. It is all rape, and at no time is it okay.
So I wanted to show to everyone, this is not something that you sit back and enjoy. It is not something you "should" like. That bullshit about "if a woman truly doesn't want it, her body puts up natural defenses to stop pregnancy" is spouted by men who know nothing about the mechanisms of a woman's uterus and have never themselves been forced to have a cock thrust inside their bodies. It is the worst of all Rape Culture bullshit, making men think it's okay because "she won't get pregnant if she really doesn't like it."
Rape is often not reported because of shame, fear, and love. Yes, love. Most rapes happen by someone the victim knows: a family member, a close friend, a classmate … a lover. Sadly, way too many people—myself included—don't report sexual assaults. They don't want to turn these people in, get them in trouble, plus since it's someone they know, everyone is going to know about it. The family of that person may blame the victim. Classmates who were friends with the rapist may think the victim an evil person for getting their friend arrested. It's totally different from a random stranger grabbing you off the street and raping you. It's more personal when it's someone close to you. So victims stay quiet, and the rapist goes on to attack more people. Not reporting allows Rape Culture to grow and lets rapists think that what they're doing is perfectly fine, since no one has gotten them in trouble yet. They think that since the person didn't report it, they must have liked it secretly. That is far from the truth!
The scene in this chapter is a stereotypical rape, done by someone Lucy knows, likes, trusts, and that trust is shattered. Just because she once loved Natsu, she doesn't come to enjoy it. She fights, even when injured. It makes her sick, and yes, vomiting is a natural reaction after your body has been violated like that. You want to purge everything out of you. Lucy is now faced with the issue: does she report Natsu and watch her best friend get tossed in jail, or does she keep quiet to protect Natsu while suffering in silence?
I was assaulted twice in my life, but I got lucky. The first time, I fought the bastard off. I got hurt bad (this chapter reflects some of what I went through) but I put up a hell of a fight, until he decided it wasn't worth the effort. The second time I was molested, someone came by before it got too far. I did not report either one. The first time, it was my own boyfriend. I loved him, despite that … "first love" and all that. I didn't want him to be arrested; I didn't want to shame myself by admitting to everyone, especially my family, just how far he and I went sexually. We broke up, and I kept quiet out of shame. The second assault was a person in my family, and it was my own mother who ordered me not to report him, since it would shame the family. She then insinuated that I was "provoking" him, it was all my fault, I didn't fight back enough, and I deserved it as punishment for sins. I have never forgiven my mother for saying those things.
If you are a victim of an assault, REPORT IT! It might feel shameful, but the rapist is the one with no honor. Get that bastard in trouble, or at least get him some psychological help.
Personally, keeping quiet ate me up inside, and it still torments me years later. I should have reported those two guys, because I learned later, not even six months after assaulting me, both men went on to assault other women. I could have stopped it sooner, before other women suffered. Keeping quiet makes me feel like I'm just as guilty as them, since I didn't do anything to stop the perpetuation of brutality. Guilt is worse than shame.
Be the superhero who bravely steps forward and stops the violence. REPORT RAPE!
All of this is one giant excuse for why it took so long to write this chapter. It hit way too close to home for me, and as you can tell by my long diatribe, Rape Culture is an issue I feel strongly about because of what happened to me, and to friends who were assaulted. Someone I know was raped by her own father, conceived a child, gave birth—thank God the baby is genetically okay—but that girl was messed up mentally for life; she could not keep that baby, that reminder, around and ran away from her family. Another friend was raped for years as a child by his neighbor, starting when he was only six years old. A high school friend of mine was raped and murdered just a month after we graduated.
So yeah … this is a big issue for me.
I really wanted this chapter to reflect just how wrong rape is. I did not want Lucy to "enjoy" it. I wanted to show that, even though this is someone she knows, it's despicable, it's wrong, and even if she did something bad … one of the most common things people who have suffered a rape think is "I deserved it." And Lucy thinks that. Probably a majority of you readers thought that at some point. She was a bitch, she teased Natsu so cruelly, she deserved what she got. Just desserts. Karma. Whatever.
That is again a promotion of Rape Culture. So I hope that if you did originally think that: think again. Who the hell deserves that? No one does. It doesn't matter what you did, how you mistreated someone, or what sins you've made. No one "deserves" to be raped.
So, I really hope you forgive me for taking half a year to write this chapter. This is why! Writing this, paragraph by paragraph, was pure mental anguish for me. It took a lot out of me: emotionally, mentally, going back into that past that I never want to relive, a past I wish I could simply forget, but a past that has definitely shaped me as a woman … and as a writer. Hopefully, I never have to write a chapter like this again, because I don't think I can!
I know it wasn't a "nice" chapter, but I hope I wrote it in a way that reflects what I wanted. And … I really do hope the next chapter doesn't take half a year to write! My apologies, and thank you for waiting.
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Super Psycho Love