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Learning to Land	By : Suteishichic Category: Prince of Tennis/Tennis no Ohjisama > General Views: 11419 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis (Tennis no Ohjisama), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Learning to Land by Suteishichic. Chapter One Hundred Two ~ Mukahi
Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)
Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)
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Yuushi promised, swore, and said their oath. Instantly.
Gakuto nodded and lowered his voice just in case anyone could possibly hear, "Atobe slipped the drug to Shishido the night he first he had sex with him. Atobe forced Shishido. He...he raped him. That was their first time together."

Yuushi looked at him shocked, "You can't know that...? How do you possibly...?"

"Yeah, well that's why I had tell you about this. Whatever someone put in my drink at the party that night with Sato made me feel drunk. Like really drunk, and kinda dizzy, and then I felt all hot and really kinda...well, really...horny. But it was more than that. I felt like all turned on and...sexy. Later Sato told me I was me kissin him first and I was really turned on and stuff, but he said after a little while of my being that way that I got real...I dunno, he said kinda like...upset and emotional. He said I started actin like a girl or somethin. Sato said it was weird. I was cryin and tellin him he broke my heart and I needed him and stuff. That kinda girly crap, I guess. All I remember was I felt...vulnerable and at the same time really, really horny. Like more turned on than I ever felt in my life--and it lasted for days after. I felt upset and horny and drugged from it for at least a week after. Maybe even longer. I felt really bad the whole time too, like you know when you're lovesick or gotta broken heart? But at the same time, I felt really sick like I had the flu or something the whole freakin time. But here's the thing Yuushi, what I drank, it was a watered down drop compared to how much Atobe stupidly made Shishido drink."

Gakuto took a deep breath and let it out slowly trying to find where to begin, "Okay, so about a week before, Atobe asked me to get Shishido's information for him. Like all of it and he said he would pay me lots but only if no one was to ever know. He said he wanted me to get him even more than I got for other people. I was still workin on gettin it all for him, but Atobe suddenly told me to stop and lose whatever I found. He told me to never ever search on Shishido again--or else. He really threatened me and I couldn't figure out why at first, but what I think happened is that behind all the games and stuff, the truth is Atobe really liked Shishido. He liked him so much that maybe Atobe even had the people of his, these pros we're gonna meet with tomorrow? I think he had them look into Shishido's past and they dug up some something that made Atobe like him even more. Think about it. I mean, you know how Shishido acts sometimes?"

Yuushi nodded.

"Well he has to act like that for a reason. Maybe something like what happened to me or you, maybe somethin like that happened when Shishido was a kid or somethin. I don't know what, but whatever Atobe found out is the kinda thing that made Atobe really deeply care for Shishido. It also musta made Atobe wanna protect Shishido even more than he ever had. So look, I know what Atobe did was horrible. Really horrible, I'm not making any kinda excuses, but you gotta remember this was probably the first time Atobe really liked someone or maybe even loved them, but Shishido kept saying no to him. No matter how Atobe tried to get Shishido to like him back or hell, even just kiss him, Shishido kept sayin no and that he wasn't interested in guys. Atobe didn't know how to handle it. At all. I mean, Atobe isn't used to anyone telling him no or that they're not interested, you know? I think it made Atobe go kinda crazy, and actually, I know Atobe drank some of the drug he gave Shishido. It was like he wanted to share in the way it felt and damn did he. I could tell Atobe was feeling it too that night. But I mean Atobe musta had a tiny sip, and Shishido had a lot--at least hundred times more than what I had. And they were drinking alcohol too so it was even worse."

Yuushi was still looking stunned, "How do you know this? What happened? Why were you there when this happened?"

Gakuto shrugged, "Atobe probably figured he could seduce Shishido with the drug. Plus he saw me and thought I was all into Sato again because of the drug. I guess Atobe musta desperately thought it would do the same thing for him and Shishido. The drug is a clear liquid. It comes in this tiny vial and it has no smell and no taste. You are supposed to put like a drop in someone's drink but no more. I told Atobe that when I got some for him. I didn't want to, but Atobe made me. He said it was to keep me outta trouble with a drug screening and it was my duty because he said it was up to me to keep the team safe. I didn't know he was gonna use it on Shishido, Yuushi. I swear I didn't know, and I sure as hell wasn't gonna take it again. Hell no. Not after how sick it made me. I told Atobe that too because he asked me if I kept any. I told him hell no, and I gave him the whole thing. I told him everything, including how strong it is and that it's dangerous. Hell, his doctor told him when I was given it, but you know Atobe when he has something he really wants. Nothing can stop him. He'll do whatever it takes to win."

Gakuto sighed annoyed remembering, "Atobe later told me he poured the whole damn vial into Shishido's drink while they were drinking together. The idiot put all of it in there and Atobe swallowed the first sip from the glass and then handed it to Shishido who drank it down. Hell Yuushi, what I drank musta been like a watered down drop. Atobe said he and Shishido were kissing at first and everything was fine. He said Shishido was really into it and they had sex and stuff, but then he said...Shishido kinda...lost it. And how I know is because Atobe called me in a panic and sent a car to come get me. Yuushi, when I got there, it was really bad. Atobe was crying. Crying, like real tears and saying, "What have I done, what have I done?" But Shishido...Yuushi, he was...he was bad. Real bad. He was sobbing and then he...." Gakuto shuddered remembering the noise and the sound.

Yuushi held him a little closer and Gakuto thought to himself he never wanted to hear Yuushi make noises like that. Not ever. He didn't even care how stupid the thought was, instead he just went on with his story because it was best to rush right through things that were hard, "Atobe turned the lights out because Shishido was covering his face. I remembered that the light kinda hurt my eyes when I was drugged so I told Atobe to turn them out. When it was dark, he had me hold Shishido while he called his doctor because he didn't know if he should call an ambulance. Shishido cried and cried and cried until he made himself sick and I was thinkin that was good because maybe he would throw it all up, but it made him worse. He got more and more upset. He didn't know where he was or who I was...gods Yuushi, he was in so much pain and he cried so hard...he...he howled..."

Yuushi looked surprised and then confused as if he couldn't relate to hearing that. Or maybe he could.

Gakuto well remembered the sounds of total despair that came out of Shishido's mouth...hell, it sounded like they were coming out of his soul. He shuddered again at the memory and tried to explain, "Do you know the way it sounds when someone cries because they've lost everything or they're hurt so bad they can't stand to be alive or because the one person they love dies? It was like that Yuushi. Just like that. I mean, I've heard people do it in movies and on TV but it was nothing like when someone does it for real. Nothing. It was horrible. And I got angry at Atobe. Look, I know what Sato did to me that night could be called rape because I was drugged, but I don't think he drugged me. I wouldn't put it past the stupid bastard, but Sato didn't think of it or plan it. He's not that smart of a guy. He just happened to come along when I was in a bad way and took advantage of the situation probably stupidly thinking I was into him again. But Atobe, when he saw Shishido like that, when there was nothing he could do and the doctor was racing over and said Shishido might even die, Atobe lost it and got upset. He had no right to get upset when this was his fault. And he planned to do this because he musta figured it was the only way for him to get Shishido. He stupidly did it out of love!"

He shook his head no at the thought because really, deep down he was still angry at Atobe about this. "Look, I've known Atobe since I started at Hyoutei. I know he's not a perfect guy like everyone thinks he is, but he shoulda known better than to do this. Maybe this was the only time Atobe's even been such a bastard and maybe it taught him a lesson. Maybe not, but I couldn't just let it go even if Atobe was on the drug too. I had to do something, or even just say something. A little later, Atobe's doctor showed up and took care of Shishido. Atobe wouldn't call an ambulance saying Shishido hated hospitals so he shouldn't go unless it was life or death, but when the doctor got there Atobe had to be kicked out of the room because he wouldn't leave. Then he lied when the doctor asked what happened. He said Shishido drank at a party and must have had that stuff there. That they both did, and then the idiot told his doctor to check Shishido out everywhere because Atobe thought someone mighta done something to him. He asked to make sure Shishido was okay down there! As if it hadn't been Atobe at all and he acted all mad at some bastard who hurt Shishido. The least Atobe coulda done was to take responsibility for what he did--but he didn't. He was the bastard who hurt him!"

"Know what, Yuushi? I think the doctor knew. Maybe Shishido even told the doctor about what Atobe did to him, I don't know. I do know Atobe during all of this was a mess. I've never seen him like that before or since. He was crying and upset, but still, you know? It was his damn fault. The doctor finished with Shishido and said he would be okay. Shishido wouldn't have to go to the hospital because he threw everything up, but enough was in his bloodstream that the doctor decided to stay the night. Then he gave Atobe something to make him sick so he could get it out of his system quickly, but he warned Atobe he was going to be ill. He said hey were both gonna be. That it would take days to recover. As soon as he got sick and just after he heard Shishido would be okay, Atobe told me to leave. To go home like he was dismissing his damn butler. And then he told me that if I ever told anyone, he would destroy me."

"I couldn't help it Yuushi, before I left and even though Atobe was sick I slapped him right across his stupid perfect face. I told him what a bastard he was and what a disappointment he was. How he had not only let me and the team down, but he let Shishido down and himself too. He was an idiot and someone had to tell him. I told him Shishido would never forgive him and Atobe deserved that more than anything. Atobe looked upset, but a minute later, he was furious. At me. Like I did anything wrong but tell him the truth. He's never forgiven me, and you know what? I don't care. If I didn't say anything to him, I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself for not standin up to him!"

"Hell, I was just bein honest that night, but all the rest of the weekend I worried about what Atobe was gonna do to me. I was sure he was gonna do something like shun me or have me expelled, but that first practice, he didn't even say hello to me. He looked like crap, but he completely ignored me. A few days later supposedly after having the flu Shishido came back to school. He musta been still under the drug cause he was lookin like crap too, but I tried to be nice to him. I wanted to tell him it was just the drug and that he was gonna be fine and that I would never tell, but I don't think Shishido even knows I was there that night." Gakuto shrugged, "Maybe Atobe never told him."

"Shishido's never mentioned it, and he's not that good an actor. Plus, you know if Shishido got the chance to say something to piss me off he would. Which is okay I guess, but ever since then, Shishido really hates me. Like maybe some part of him deep down really does know I was there and he blames me. I mean it is my fault in a way cause I got Atobe that drug, but I didn't think any of that would happen. I had no idea Atobe would go so far. For a while, I even thought Atobe told him it was my fault or somethin. I mean Shishido and I were never good friends or anything, but he never was like how he is to me now. You know how he is to me now." Gakuto shrugged, "Anyway, that's what happened. So, thanks for listening. I'm kinda glad you know."

Yuushi kissed him. He kissed Gakuto sweet and swirly and kinda like he had been holding it in for a long time. He kissed Gakuto until he laughed and sighed at the same time. Gakuto laughed because of a sudden rush of feeling really happy, and he sighed in pure pleasure because Yuushi's fingers started moving in him so good again. It felt even better after the pause for them to be touching him again. Yuushi was moving his fingers kinda slow though, like maybe he was worried about Gakuto's feelings or something stupid. Gakuto decided to make them go a little more to his liking than just these sexy back and forth little motions. Gakuto lifted his hips on the bed and started moving with Yuushi's hand. He added rocking back and forth to moving them in and out of himself.

That was feeling kinda good, so he propped himself up on his elbows for more leverage. Yuushi was looking at him strangely. As if he couldn't figure out why Gakuto was doing what he was doing so he explained, "Feels good, Yuushi."

Yuushi kissed him or at least he went to, but Gakuto was already at the tensai's mouth with his own. He suddenly felt very turned on. He kissed Yuushi hot and heavy and he smiled because it felt like he was on that drug but this time, it was for real because he wasn't. That surprised him, but at the same time, it felt really good.

Gakuto really liked that Yuushi met each kiss just as passionately as Gakuto was feeling. Sometimes Gakuto would be really into kissing but the other person wasn't and that or something else could break the mood, but this was hot. Yuushi wasn't holding him too tight and was letting Gakuto do whatever he wanted. He let Gakuto reach for him to keep kissing and let Gakuto decide if the kisses should be short and flirty with just a little teeth or long and deep. Gakuto moaned and kept moving his hips. He started doin these tiny circles with the in and out of Yuushi's fingers and curled his lower back up and down. He could feel his erection bobbing in time with his moving and even that felt good slapping against his own taught muscular belly. What Gakuto was doing probably looked stupid he guessed, kinda like he was having sex with the air or something, but things like looking stupid when it felt really good never bothered Yuushi.

Yuushi laughed in this sexy chuckle, "Show me what feels good, Gakuto. You look so beautiful when you're excited like this." Yuushi kissed him all hot and good. So good it made Gakuto whimper. The tensai moved to kiss Gakuto's ear all swirly and whispered, "That's it, Gakuto. Fuck yourself on my fingers..."

Surprised, Gakuto stopped and pulled away to look at Yuushi. It had been feeling really good, but he was tempted to stop completely because that wasn't something Yuushi shoulda been saying. Sure, it sounded hot, but it didn't sound like something someone who cared about you should say. It kinda sounded like something a sex friend would say or stupid Sato. Gakuto's feelings were kinda hurt, but Yuushi didn't even seem to notice.

Yuushi kissed him again and said sounding all turned on, "I love how sexy you are." He kissed Gakuto again but Gakuto did not kiss him back.

Hell no. Gakuto even stopped moving and dropped his hips back down to the bed.

Immediately Yuushi was attentive, "What? Do you want to stop? What's wrong?"

"No. Nothing's wrong." Actually, now Yuushi was looking so concerned at him that Gakuto felt stupid. He shrugged, "You just don't... I dunno, you just don't...really swear or curse...usually. Well, actually you don't ever."

"Oh." A surprisingly cute blush worked its way up Yuushi's cheeks. Gakuto mentally cursed himself out for ruining the moment while the tensai tried to explain, "I apologize. It's just...you looked so beautiful...I felt excited and very turned on and the words just...sort of...came out...but, I didn't mean anything negative by it."

Gakuto kissed him. Otherwise he figured Yuushi would say how sorry he was all night. He laughed a little, "It's okay, Yuushi." He laughed a little more when he saw how confused Yuushi was by him. "It's really okay. It just kinda surprised me. I think I've only heard you swear like four times and tonight you've done it twice. Once when you hit your leg earlier and just now. But I," Gakuto thought about it and decided it was true, "I kinda liked you using words like that now. It surprised me, but at the same time, it was kinda...hot." He shrugged and smiled, "It was really sexy, Yuushi. You were sexy. I...I liked it."

A blush from the complements began crawling back up Yuushi's cheeks. It was kinda adorable because Yuushi always seemed so stoic around other people. Gakuto loved getting to him.

Yuushi moved back to Gakuto's ear and kissed it swirly. At the same time, he began moving his fingers inside Gakuto again.

Gakuto started moving with him one more time and Yuushi whispered, "I love you. If I look sexy, it's because you make me look that way. You turn me on so much, Gakuto. I want you. I want you more than you can ever begin to imagine."

Yuushi's lips found Gakuto's and then the tensai's clever tongue licked along the seam of Gakuto's mouth. Gakuto started moving himself a little faster and doing those small circles again. He was trying to keep his lips shut and enjoy the teasings of Yuushi's tongue, but the tensai's fingers flickered deep inside him. Just over that really good place inside of him and Gakuto moaned softly. Gakuto felt that hot ache settle low in his belly, along his thighs, and deep into his groin like fire.

Yuushi used the opportunity of Gakuto's mouth being open to slide his searching tongue inside. The tensai licked at his tongue and teeth and after teasing him a second, Gakuto couldn't resist any more. He returned the kiss just as hungry for more. With Yuushi's tongue tangling seductively against Gakuto's, the tensai brought his other hand around to touch Gakuto's throbbing and bouncing erection. Yuushi stroked him lightly from the base of his shaft to his swollen head, and teasing his foreskin back slid his thumb across the swollen crown, lubricating Gakuto with his own slick moisture that seeped from the tip.

Gakuto's breathing quickened. He felt warm all over and heat building up in him from somewhere deep inside. Gakuto started moving faster and faster on Yuushi's fingers, "Ohhh...Yuushi...ahhh...you'd better hold me back because ohhh I'm gonna come..."

He waited for Yuushi's hand to clamp over him, but nothing happened. Yuushi whispered all lovey, "Lover, tonight I'll let you come as many times as you can. Come for me Gakuto. You're so gorgeous."

He didn't plan on doing this, but Gakuto wanted to keep that warm feeling going. Maybe even make it more so he started moving himself on Yuushi's fingers faster and faster, almost frantically. It was like he couldn't stop. Taki had this toy computer robot and when they broke it by feeding it too many commands before it short-circuited, it started acting all spazzy and jerky, That was how Gakuto felt right now, but he couldn't stop moving. It just felt too good to stop. He whimpered never wanting it to stop and hoping Yuushi didn't think he was acting too weird or something. He hoped Yuushi didn't take his fingers away or stop touching him. He felt more and more heat build up in him and he whimpered again.

Yuushi whispered all lovey and like Gakuto was doing something astounding insteada something weird, "Gakuto, yes, yes...just like that. You're so beautiful. Don't stop, lover. Does it feel good? That's it. I'll help you. Here..." He didn't know what the hell Yuushi did inside him, but it felt as if something amazing burst and suddenly there was even more warmth in a flood all over him. Gakuto felt his entire body shaking like there was an earthquake coming from his insides out. He kept moving furiously fast up and down in almost a blur. His breath was coming in ragged pants and the pleasure and heat felt almost unbearable. Yuushi whispered, "I love you Gakuto...."

Gakuto mouthed, "Yuushi..." And then the damn inside him broke. Gakuto threw his head back and went to scream because it felt so incredible, but no sound came out of his mouth. His every muscle and joint locked and he gasped for air and then huffed it out as soon as he got some. He felt his insides pull Yuushi's fingers more into him and then push them out and then back in and each little motion flooded his body with more and more rolling waves of liquid heat and ecstasy. It seemed to go on forever and left him dazed and weak when it finally stopped. Gakuto sagged like he was boneless and spent on his elbows and heels. Yuushi cradled him in his arms before he could flop to the mattress unable to hold himself up any more.

But that pleasurable warmth remained with these unbelievable tingling aftershocks everywhere Yuushi touched his skin. Gakuto was still trembling as he reached out to kiss Yuushi to keep that feeling going and make the contact more. What was left behind was the strongest sense of affection and...peace he had ever known. As if everything was right in the world just as long as Gakuto could stay here in Yuushi's arms and they could kiss forever. Gakuto didn't want the feeling to end and he didn't have any idea how to explain to Yuushi how he felt about everything that just happened, so he just kissed the tensai for the longest time.

Yuushi was smiling and looking at Gakuto as if he was the goose that just laid the golden egg. He was looking at Gakuto all nice and goofy and like Gakuto just did something remarkable insteada have an orgasm, "That hit you hard."

Gakuto felt stupid, but still very, very good. Too good to worry about how stupid he just acted, "Mmhmm Yuushi...cause...wow." Gakuto smiled at how he couldn't even talk and for once, that was fine too. He thought his smile probably looked as lovey and goofy as Yuushi's, but right then he felt too good to give a damn. "Hmm....I think that was the best damn orgasm I ever had. I'm still feelin it. I never want it to end, Yuushi." Gakuto kissed him affectionately. After all, it was all Yuushi's fault he felt so damn good.

"What does it feel like?" Yuushi looked even more pleased with him--as if that was even possible.

Gakuto sighed contentedly, "Hmmm...feels like warmth...heat...everywhere and like something exploded inside me...I'm sorry, I bet I came everywhe...what the...!" Gakuto felt his chest and stomach and only then realized he was still hard. He hadn't come at all. Alarmed he asked, "What the hell did you do Yuushi? Why didn't I...? What did you do to me?"

Yuushi kissed him smiling. The tensai kept kissing him with a sexy little chuckle. The kissing brought those good feelings rushing back to almost take away the panicky ones of something being wrong. Almost.

The tensai held him a little tighter and said in a comforting voice, "It's okay, my prince. I promise you, it's all right. You've never had an orgasm like that before?"

Gakuto shook his head no and blinked back tears. He was scared and confused when just a minute ago it had been the best sex thing Gakuto had ever felt. Maybe those bursting and exploding feelings had been things inside him breaking. But, it felt really good at the time so Gakuto didn't understand. Or think it was fair. If Yuushi played a trick on him, then this was the meanest thing anyone had ever done to him.

Yuushi softly kissed him and parted his hair as if that mattered at a time like this. While he separated the hairs on side to side, he said, "I swear, it's alright. It just feels very intense. It's called an anal orgasm and while both men and women can have them, they are exceedingly, exceptionally rare. Once someone has one however, in theory they can have them again. Some people are reported to have them one after another. Remember when I told you that you can have an orgasm but not ejaculate? And that you can ejaculate but not have an orgasm? That one doesn't always have to do with the other? That is what happened. It is perfectly normal and nothing is wrong with you. It's nothing I did and I swear to you that I didn't do anything weird. I would never hurt you, Gakuto." Yuushi's voice sounded all funny so Gakuto looked at him. For some reason, the tensai had tears in his eyes, "I love you. And you...that was the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced...I could feel your muscles contracting around my fingers...and it was so...you were so beautiful..."

Gakuto's voice sounded like he had been gargling with rocks or screaming even to him, "You ever had one?" He was curious and still felt dazed. He wasn't sure why Yuushi was so moved and he wasn't sure if he was okay with this.

Yuushi nodded, "Once. When I was nine. Never since. Although," he looked suddenly shyly over at Gakuto and said softly, "I really want to with you someday. I...I mean it when I tell you that they are very rare. Most people never experience one during their entire lives. After one happened to me, I tried to make it happen again on my own for a little while, but never could again. And then things went downhill from there as you know, but I remember how it felt. I remember that very well."

Gakuto asked, "Did you come when you had one?"

Yuushi shook his head no.

"Can someone?" Gakuto was very intrigued now that his fears were receding. It was incredible. He could still feel a small bit of that warmth. He couldn't imagine feeling more. In fact, part of him wanted to try it again immediately just to keep feeling it and to see if he could again. He had an idea that if he couldn't, he would keep trying for the rest of his life. It had been that pleasurable. For the first time, Gakuto kinda got why some people became addicted to sex. Hell, something feeling that amazing was probably why people got hooked on drugs and stuff.

Yuushi nodded. "In theory, yes. But from what I've read, when someone does ejaculate while having that kind of orgasm, they usually pass out from the pleasure. People who have experienced it say it's too intense and one account I read, the person said it washed them away, but when they woke up they felt the after-effects and they notice they've ejaculated."

"It only happened the one time to you?" Gakuto was curious and suddenly jealous. "You didn't want to try it again with someone?"

Yuushi slowly shook his head no. "For me, when it happened, I felt afraid because it was so..."

Gakuto felt his eyebrows raise because Yuushi was never at a loss for words. He tried to fill in the blank, "Intense?"

"Yes." Yuushi nodded, "Yes, that is a very accurate description. Intense. However I knew even then that I was positively with the wrong person. I knew without question that while I had feelings of affection for my tutor, they were not feelings of love or of being in love. How did you feel right after the orgasm?"

Gakuto looked at Yuushi suspiciously. "I don't know what you want me to say. And don't say all serious the truth because...because...Yuushi, I'm a person, not a lab rat or...or an experiment!"

Yuushi's eyebrows met each other in a furrow like they always did whenever the tensai was confused by something Gakuto said.

Gakuto sighed, "Look, I don't know if you realize it or not, but you ask crap that to like every person you mess around with. Yeah, you do, and they all tell me that you ask them all these questions and then outta nowhere you break up with them, Yuushi. So, I don't know what answer is the right answer, or if anything is, or if you just ask questions like this when you're done with someone, or what, but...I'm not playin your damn head games, tensai!"

There.

Gakuto told Yuushi exactly how he was feeling. So why did he feel worse about having said it? That space between them was back and felt bigger than ever. Gakuto crossed his arms around his chest and wondered how this had all suddenly gone so wrong.

"Gakuto?" Yuushi said softly after a long moment, "I do not want to break up with you. At all. Ever. There is not a right or a wrong answer. If I have asked people before you questions, it was only because I was confused by love and trying to make sense out of it. The people I dated before you did not even know that they and I didn't even have intercourse. They had no clue regarding my past. They did not know me, I barely knew them, and yet they kept telling me that they loved me."

Gakuto was really jealous suddenly. Of everyone who had ever been with Yuushi or even kissed the tensai before him. Every single one of them who had been swirly kissed. And tensai tricked. Every one of them still somehow turned Yuushi's head. But what really burned is all those people could throw around a word like love so easily when for Gakuto he couldn't even say that word when he was joking around. There are some things you just shouldn't say unless you really, really mean them.

"I just wanted to understand." Yuushi continued explaining. "When I had one of those orgasms, it was intense and frightening, but the moment it was over, all I wanted was to be away from my tutor. I knew right then I saw him as an older brother only and that my feelings for him were a mixture of hatred for what he had done to me, revulsion, and pain because he should have been my best friend and my older brother and would never be."

Gakuto looked at Yuushi and wondered if he was crazy, "Yuushi, do you think I wanna be away from you now? That I find you gross or something? Is that what you're worried about?"

Yuushi looked like he was afraid to answer.

Gakuto rolled his eyes, "Look, you wanna know how I felt? It sounds all stupid but what I wanted more than anything was to kiss you. During and after. That's all I wanted was to kiss you and hold you close and I wanted it to never stop. That's what I felt!" Gakuto turned his back on Yuushi with one quick flip. He kept his arms folded and said in a huff, "You supposedly lo...like me so much and have for all this time, but you dated and messed around with person after person after person, Yuushi!"

He was bitterly jealous and confused. Stupid tensai! This was all probably some stupid big mind game. Gakuto felt stupid hot tears stinging his eyes and he blinked them back. No way was he going to wipe them away and let Yuushi see that the stupid tensai made him cry. It had been a long and difficult day and Gakuto was tired. And he felt so good just a moment ago...he tried to find that little lingering piece of warmth but...it was gone. Like it had never been there at all.

Yuushi moved and put his chest on Gakuto's naked back. It was warm and solid. So were his arms that had been around Gakuto this entire time. Even when he turned away, Gakuto hadn't gone far. Because he hadn't wanted to. In fact, Gakuto was a little afraid that if he went into the other room, it could spell disaster for both of them. So he stayed and felt one hot tear slide past the bridge of his nose and fall into his other eye. The combined big stupid tear dropped to the bedspread with a barely audible sound. A stupid little plip that gave away his crying.

His tears had fallen before. They fell just like this his and Yuushi's first night together. In Jiroh's room.

As if remembering that too, Yuushi's arms tightened around him, "I love you."

Gakuto shrugged after a moment of silence. He wanted Yuushi to continue and was willing to listen.

Yuushi sighed, "Now you are going to think I'm insane. Gakuto, do you remember the name of the first girl I dated at Hyoutei?"

"Yeah. Hiromi-chan." Gakuto said it instantly. He knew Yuushi remembered everything so why the hell was he asking Gakuto?

"She...has eyes like yours." Yuushi said as if he was embarrassed by this. Gakuto went to tell him to open his eyes and look again because she certainly did not when Yuushi said, "Not your color, of course. No one has eyes as amazing as yours, but size and shape, I later realized my attraction to her was because she has eyes like yours. Remember the second girl? Jun's mouth is similar to yours and she loves dancing so she is very lithe and flexible. Much like you, but not as good as you. Remember the first guy? Nao-kun is around your height and build. Kai has a similar hairstyle and hair type to you. Yoshimi has hands very similar to yours. Gakuto, what I'm trying to say is that even I didn't realize this at first, but everyone I've ever dated, every single person, even before I met you, every one of them has similarities to you. Yes, nearly all of them confessed to me first, but if they had nothing in common with you, then I was not interested or attracted to them."

Yuushi shrugged. Gakuto could feel him do it from behind and he could feel Yuushi's breath warm and moist and sweet on the back of his neck. Yuushi said, "I didn't know that I would be lucky enough to be with you like this, but what I'm trying to say is that I have always loved you, Gakuto. Perhaps even before I met you. I don't think it's that you're my type, instead I think...rather, what I feel is that I've been always looking specifically for you. Had I not met you here, I would have continued to search my entire life for you. When I first realized this, my feelings for you and the depth of them awed me. I asked a lot of people questions because each person seemed so certain they were supposed to be with me, and I was so certain they were not. I wondered perhaps if being with you, if being in love with you was just wishful thinking on my part as it seemed to be on theirs. Do you want to know what they answered when I asked?"

Gakuto turned slightly so he could see Yuushi, "They told me what they said and that it was never the right answer. So you dumped them."

Yuushi shrugged, "When I asked them how they felt right after they had an orgasm, 59 percent of them said they felt good or some similar adjective was also used. 23 percent said they felt turned on. Eleven percent said they felt happy. Six point nine percent said they felt sleepy. Only one person gave me a completely different answer. Only you, Gakuto. Only you wanted to kiss me and hold me close and said you never wanted it to stop. By it, you meant the way it felt, correct? The way you felt?"

Gakuto thought and turned a little more in the tensai's arms. Yuushi helped him get settled. "Yeah. That's kinda the way I feel, but I mean everything. How everything felt. It was kinda intense and good and warm and peaceful and everything felt good and...I dunno just kinda...right. Like everything was supposed to be just like this. And I wanted you to feel that way too. With me. You know what I mean?" Gakuto shrugged, "I've never felt jealous before, but I feel jealous with you."

His leg started shaking on its own as he thought about it, "Do you think that's a good thing, Yuushi? I mean the whole time Sato was with Taki I never really felt jealous. I mean the first day and all yeah, but even that day I was more hurt and shocked than anything. And I was kinda jealous when you were first with Azukizawa. I mean I was gonna warn you, but you were just with him on that one date and it was over so there was nothin to warn you about. You really broke his heart. That was kinda cool. He was really hung up on you after so it musta been intense for him."

Gakuto felt a flare of jealousy at that, but for a long time actually he wondered how Yuushi had been able to break Azukizawa's heart when Gakuto hadn't. He spent a lot of time with Azukizawa and when it was over other than a few long stares and a few late night phone calls Gakuto ignored, there was nothing. With Yuushi, Azukizawa went all out. He sent flowers and books to the tensai supposedly because they had a fight, but Yuushi told Gakuto that wasn't true. The tensai just said he wasn't interested and Azukizawa didn't know how to take someone telling him thanks, but no.

Yuushi shrugged, "I am not sure if jealousy is a good indicator or not. I can tell you that I feel jealous regarding who you're with or interested in all of the time. I always have. In a strange way, I feel pleased that you're jealous." Yuushi parted Gakuto's hair with his finger and kissed him softly on the cheek. "As far as Azukizawa, it wasn't very intense at all. No. Not really. Not much happened other than what I told you. There was a big difference for me in that I sought him out, as I told you. That was because Taki accidentally mentioned something about you and him. I got to know him only to ask him questions about you. The truth is, because you and I are friends and seen by so many as close, I believe Azukizawa attempted to transfer his feelings for you onto me. He really had and perhaps still has feelings for you. Would you like me to give you more details?"

Gakuto nodded. He felt placated that Yuushi was so willing to tell him things. He also liked that the sneaky tensai was running his hand along Gakuto's skin as they talked. He wasn't touching Gakuto's erection, but Yuushi was getting closer and closer with each long pass over Gakuto's arm, his belly, and his leg. Gakuto smiled and decided to just play along. It was good when Yuushi took charge of things, and even better because it was like Yuushi just couldn't resist touching him.

Yuushi said, "Azukizawa's entire seduction was a large box of chocolates with liquor inside them. He ended up eating the whole box, getting drunk on them, and when he was all over me, I just used my hand on him. He whispered your name when he came Gakuto, and then he wept. I don't even think he remembered exactly what happened between us, but he did feel bad for being drunk. He only was heartbroken when I told him I was not interested in him because losing me was really him losing you again. I felt guilty for asking him to bring up so many things about you, and not really being interested in him, but I never told him I was interested in him. He just assumed. I think at one point he even wondered if I was with you or if you had sent me, which of course you hadn't. I do have some free information for you if you'd like? He no longer speaks to his best friend. The kendo club was restructured after that night, and he said this year, next year's captain will be picked for the first time by vote. I am guessing that means they no longer do their freshman sharing thing, which is a positive. Another thing you might want to look into is Azukizawa said Naka-san's death was labeled as an accident--not as a suicide, but he also mentioned everyone in the kendo club believes Naka-san was killed. Azukizawa specifically said he was sure Naka-san was murdered and that his death deserved further investigation, but the school was not doing anything about it."

Gakuto looked at Yuushi in total shock, "Why didn't you tell me any of this before now? You shoulda came to me and said...!"

Yuushi put his hand up as if worried Gakuto would really hit him, "I am sorry. I had no idea that you knew Naka-san. I truly did not know. My only knowledge of him was from hearing that he took his life as everyone believes. I didn't see what good there could be in telling you something someone said to me in confidence when they were drunk and vulnerable. I told you at my first opportunity and I will even help you do some research, all right?"

"How?" Gakuto's leg was shaking furiously and he stopped it as soon as he realized.

"A friend of my father's works for the police here. I can ask him to discreetly get us some information. He's done it for me before." Yuushi looked at Gakuto, "With you. He's the one who helped me in the beginning find the information, but he doesn't know everything. I'll meet with him or call him. You won't ever have to see him." Gakuto was shocked and angry but mostly just stunned. "Gakuto, before you react, please listen. I've known this man all my life. He knows my family well and he knows all about me and what happened to me. He did a lot of the investigation on my tutor that helped keep me safe. I wouldn't have gone to him if I didn't trust him, and I had no idea when I asked him to see if there was any information about you that it would be..."

Gakuto put his hand over Yuushi's mouth. "It...it's okay, Yuushi. I was wonderin how you found out and now I know. You musta been surprised as hell, huh?" Around his hand, Yuushi nodded. "Can you tell me one thing, Yuushi? If he didn't tell you about what happened to me, would you have ever known?"

Yuushi shook his head no. He kissed and then took Gakuto's hand in his own to answer, "No. In fact, I had a hard time believing anything like that happened to you. For a long time, I thought it was someone else that happened to because even knowing you well, I couldn't tell. You deal with it so well. No one would ever suspect and if they ever did find out, I'm sure they would never believe it was true. You deal with it so much better than I..." Yuushi swallowed hard as if fighting himself. It was like the words were stuck in his throat and he was having a hard time choking them out.

Yuushi looked away and then he got that look on his face when he was being too hard on himself. He did that a lot. After a tennis match or a party, Yuushi would often ask Gakuto how he did and beat himself up for stupid things he felt he didn't do or did. It always made Gakuto uncomfortable when Yuushi did it. Uncomfortable and wonder because Hyoutei wasn't a place where you wore your heart on your sleeve and admitted all your insecurities and flaws. Gakuto only got just then that Yuushi did it with him only because Gakuto's opinions mattered that much to the tensai. Yeah, for a genius, Yuushi could really be an idiot. An adorable idiot. Gakuto would rather have Yuushi humble and willing to work on himself than someone like Atobe who thought everything he did was perfect, but the tensai was still an idiot. Gakuto was gonna have to work with Yuushi on that.

Just when he was about to tell Yuushi to stop, the tensai looked at him. Sounding raw and vulnerable, Yuushi finally said, "Ask me anything, Gakuto. Anything you want to know about me and I'll tell you."

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Thanks for reading!!! XDDD
More very soon! Theres a huge happening on the horizon too. O_O
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Learning to Land