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Suppressed	By : nekked Category: +M to R > One Piece Views: 8384 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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Chapter List
- 12
- 13
- 14
Suppressed

Chapter 13: Our Holy Mother of Quarantine

In some instances of deep sleep, Zoro couldn't remember how he had come to the conclusion that he might need to wake up. Like, when does the brain just decide that you've slept too long, time to rouse. Sleeping on the ship, it was different. Here, wherever he was, because he hadn't quite woken up enough to think about that yet, it was a slow transition from the cloudiness of dream land into something completely troublesome. And, as of late, the idea that he didn't have a full grasp of his surroundings when he fell asleep got scarier every time he woke up.

That's right. Grasp. Last time he'd woken up feeling like this, his hand had betrayed both of them and explored some dangerous realms. For the sake of his blood pressure, he cracked his one useful eyelid to confirm history wasn't repeating itself. No, no dicks to grab in the vicinity. Small blessings. That was where his gratefulness ended, though. Because speaking of dicks, his own suddenly felt strangely…feelable. The more he searched for some words in that dusty brain of his, the more the word 'sticky' stuck out, and the less confident he became that he liked where today was going.

He was shirtless, and in a large bed with some stuff that reminded him of Chopper's office nearby on the end table. Immediately he recalled the night before…and what about that morning? All the- wait. Why was he still in bed, then.

He blinked drowsily, lifted himself up onto his elbows despite the protesting from his injury, and narrowed his eyes as he looked over at the cold, empty, rumpled place next to his. That woman had indeed slept next to him, was indeed gone, and…

When he'd fallen asleep, he would've had to have fallen asleep face down. So why was he flipped over…

…

He looked down at his unzipped pants. He immediately felt emotions strong enough to cry blood.

Well, fuck. Fuck. Oh, Jesus fuck. This was not- oh, he did not need this.

Somebody, no names getting through his emergency thought filter, because that might mean letting himself fall into a hopeless pit of insanity once he admitted the only one dumb enough to maybe, just maybe confuse a boner with a possibly worrisome medical condition would be the idiot he'd spent the night with.

It became painfully clear what had actually happened between himself and Hancock: Nothing. At least nothing so sexual. Because that whole thing with Franky and Luffy and…whatever…hadn't even happened. He had dreamed it. More accurately, his dick had dreamed it. And truth be told, he was relieved his actual brain hadn't been dumb enough to imagine that scenario and play it out for real. What kind of brain puts a man in a situation where the domineering female mistakes your dick for a knife and continues to harass you until you come. And then thinks the end result is sleep inducing drugs. What. The. Actual. Fuck. Only a dick could think of that kind of magic. And now, his dick looked pretty happy just kind of sitting in its own coagulated ejaculate. The question now was, how traumatized was the woman.

…Actually, the first question was, where was the woman. She obviously wouldn't want to stick around after seeing what had probably looked like him going into epileptic shock. And how embarrassing this was going to be if she'd called for help thinking Luffy's precious first mate was on the verge of inflamed flesh related death. Hell, maybe he'd had an audience if Chopper hadn't come to his rescue. He wanted to assume he'd been saved. Or maybe everyone had left the room. Yeah. That was a much safer scenario. Let's go with that. But then Chopper would've had the decency to at least wake him and try to salvage some of his dignity instead of letting him sit there in his own bodily fluid. No, the woman would've had to take his dick out of his pants first. Zippers didn't just unzip themselves.

Just trying to imagine that defining moment of unzippage…what's a woman to assume if she's never seen a guy's dick before? Tops, she'd be smart enough to figure out that that's where the piss comes from. So, anything else coming out probably looked infected. Fan-fucking-tastic. As if he weren't already an impressive specimen in her book. And now it's kind of weighing down on his self esteem that he cares that much about what she thinks. Where's the cook. Hanging out with that guy even for a little bit is guaranteed to make even the most twitter pated son of a bitch feel like a goddamn stoic. See, that's probably where Zoro's gone wrong. He hasn't punched the guy in the face in almost half a week. He needs someone to remind him why the road to vagina is paved with misery and a love for designer ties. And cologne.

Looking around, it was…eerily silent in the room. He didn't like it. One of the large double doors leading into the room was open and the hallway was dimly lit with the flicker of what was probably torch light.

So how long did I actually sleep?

Not long enough for his back pain to decrease. His feet made contact with the cold, hard floor and he staggered up from the bed, using tissue on the end table to clean himself enough to stuff his junk back in his pants until he could change.

Looking out the one window, he saw that it was nearly sundown, so probably past dinner. Thinking about it made him realize he was more than a little hungry. He'd clean up and make someone get him some food. But damn, it sure was quiet around here. Most of the time there was at least the sound of people moving around or someone yelling. It was getting late though. Maybe everyone was eating? Hm.

He tried to remember which way the bath was and ended up just picking a hall to walk down. After a hand full of dead ends and not running into a single person, he started getting creeped out.

Where the hell is everyone? I should've at least run into somebody I don't know by now. She's got servants everywhere in here…

Nobody from the crew popped up, which was probably for the best anyway, but still kind of disconcerting. Chopper wasn't even running around and screaming for him to go back to bed.

Turning a corner and noticing the familiar doors of the bath, he realized he hadn't brought a change of clothes with him from the room. And now, he couldn't really remember where the room was.

Oh well. I'll get this outta the way and worry about that later…

He came up to the double doors and had his hand poised over the handle before he noticed the sounds. Something like the sounds of chanting and water being splashed. Someone was inside. And with his luck, it was probably Hancock, the now newly traumatized, formerly neutralized Queen of disaster and stupidity. Any truce she'd wanted to uphold with him was probably gone with the wind. He actually felt kind of bad for her. For everyone on this island. Nobody knew how to ruin purity quite like the Straw Hat crew. And apparently Zoro was so good at it, he could do it in his sleep. Another thing to put on the resume.

He knocked, putting his ear to the doors and saying gruffly, "Hancock? You in there? Hurry up and get dressed. We gotta talk."

That had come out more confidently than he'd thought it might. Now he'd just calmly explain that what had happened was simply the result of spending too much time with her, and the baby making part of him had seen a window of opportunity it couldn't pass up. No big deal. Maybe she'd put him out of his humiliated misery and throw him out a window after she'd turned him to stone.

No. No, no, no. That wasn't right. As a man, he couldn't regret being attracted to the most beautiful woman in the world. (Or so sources told him she was.) This was a moment to stand tall. She would come out, he'd tell it like it was, and be able to go back to life knowing he was still human in some aspects. Healthy sex drive was nothing to be ashamed of-

The doors opened smoothly, allowing his eyes enough time to nearly pop out of his face, but not enough time to come up with an intelligent response to what he was seeing. He was pretty sure it sounded something like 'hunamahabahahaHA', which is Flustered for 'naked woman'.

This was indeed Hancock. All of her.

"I see you're awake," she said solemnly. "I was going to bring you here for the cleansing, but it saves me time if you're here already." She moved to grab his wrist and drag him inside, and he finally found some words.

"WHAT THE HELL. LET GO OF ME AND PUT SOME CLOTHES ON. ARE YOU STUPID?"

Why was this happening. Had someone already explained to her what he wanted? Was he ready to admit completely to himself that this was okay with him? Did she catch on on her own? Maybe she already knew about stuff like that. Maybe she was just stupid about the concept of marriage. Talk about setting yourself up for disaster…

"I have already explained the situation to everyone else," she said, closing the doors behind them and turning to give him a pitying look. "This was the only solution I could come up with. "

Oh God. Had she evacuated the entire palace just so they could be alone? That was moving kind of fast, wasn't it? Well, if her philosophy was to live like there's no tomorrow-

"I came here to talk about what happened," he started, turning to look at the window and folding his arms. His blush was inevitable, but he didn't have to take this lying down. Or standing up. Or from behind. Or however else she wanted it- NO. STOP. THIS WAS NOT OKAY. "I feel like there might've been some misunderstanding about what happened with…uh…my..."

"I am aware of the situation," she said gravely, him listening as she splashed a little, entering the water again. "You seem to be the source of it. You have all of the symptoms." He allowed himself to give her a half look over his shoulder, her gazing over at him. "I thought that if I could cut us off from everyone else I could prevent the spread of this…disease."

Disease? Maybe she was referring to how Luffy was acting stupider than usual because he'd finally started noticing girls? But that wasn't his fault. It wasn't really anyone's fault. It was just how it had happened. And as far as he was concerned, he wasn't quite that far gone. Depending on how you looked at it, the dick-brain and the actual-brain were two separate things. She would have to do more than give dream Zoro a hand job to get actual-brain to that level of "disease".

"For Luffy's sake, I will," she continued, holding out a hand and offering for him to join her, "I will make sure you are cleansed of the cock sickness and returned to your crew."

Zoro stared at her, face devoid of emotion.

"…Eh?"

"This wouldn't have happened if you'd just started with beginner level explanations," Usopp said, poking Chopper's forehead and getting kicked in the shin in return.

"I was asked a question and I answered it thinking I had explained myself well enough. I don't go out of my way to patronize," the doctor explained, sitting on Sunny's lawn deck on the verge of tears. "How was I supposed to know this is how they would interpret it…"

"And now they're under the impression Zoro is the primary carrier of 'cock sickness'," Nami heaved angrily, throwing her hands in the air and pacing over to the railing and gesturing towards the edge of the clearing where Luffy was getting yelled at by his supposed lover. She was only glad she wasn't the one doing it. She didn't have the energy right now. "As if we don't have enough to worry about already. Now he's stuck in there until she decides he's germ free."

"We've got a bigger issue on our hands," Sanji proclaimed, Luffy's hat in his possession and walking over to the group.

Usopp gave him a half lidded stare. "You're the only one who thinks that's a bigger issue."

"A woman's vulnerable mind is always the bigger issue," the blonde snapped, cigarette crushed between his teeth. "Since none of you shit heads will tell me anything, I'm going to assume the worst is happening. Nobody's bothered to explain to him the difference between love and what his dick wants."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Brook said calmly, Sanji swinging a leg up to kick him and missing.

"I feel like Margaret's about ready to kill him anyway," Nami confirmed, feeling some pity for her captain as she watched Margaret head back for the village, him following after her like he wasn't finished explaining something. "You don't have to worry about potential hanky panky tonight."

"I shouldn't have to worry at all, Nami-san," Sanji said tearfully, clinging to her waist and receiving a conk on the head. "Luffy can't understand the confines of a serious relationship. Think of how Margaret-chan is being taken advantage of…"

"Mm," Nami hummed sarcastically. "And I suppose you're a better candidate for her to consider."

"ABSOLUTELY," he burst out, flaming brilliantly. Luffy swung his way onto the deck and Sanji whirled to point a finger at him.

"YOU. SHIT HEAD. I CHALLENGE YOU TO-"

"Not in the mood," Luffy deadpanned, stuffing his hands in his pockets and heading for the guys' room. Everyone froze with the hurt tone he'd said it with, even Sanji pausing a second to blink. Or maybe it wasn't just the tone…

"What the hell happened to your voice," Usopp asked, raising an eyebrow. "Are you sick or something?"

"You sound like you've got a sore throat, Luffy," Chopper said, waddling over. "You okay?"

Luffy smiled weakly and laughed. "I dunno. I don't feel sick." His eyes clouded over with this statement, everyone wondering if maybe that weren't completely true. "Just not in the mood to talk."

"What did Margaret say to you," Nami inquired, him looking more annoyed now.

"She thinks it's my fault Hancock's locked in there with Zoro and won't come out 'til he's not sick. I didn't even do anything and she keeps going on about how I ruin everything and how I'm not being considerate of hospitabilitability or whatever," he pouted. "Zoro's not even sick. Hancock's probably just touching him and stuff-"

Sanji grasped the front of his shirt and glared at him. "What do you mean, they're locked in there together? What the hell!" He turned to everyone else. "Isn't she just killing him? I thought that's what 'cleansing' meant..."

"Oi. That means you were perfectly okay with him being killed," Usopp pointed out, Sanji ignoring him and now starting to curse through his sobbing. Luffy shoved him away and stalked off for the room, his face softening into something too sad for him to wear.

"I don't wanna talk anymore. See you guys in the morning."

"Luffy!" Nami called chasing after him angrily. "What the hell are we gonna do about Zoro? I mean, it's nice of him to be the scape goat so nobody feels like chasing us out of here yet, but how long are we supposed to wait until he's 'better'? You have to talk to Hancock-san."

"Zoro can handle himself," Luffy grunted, shutting the door in her face. Nami's cheeks puffed up and she whirled around before flinging a shoe at the door.

"WHAT ABOUT MY FIVE STAR ACCOMMODATIONS, HUH? WE WERE KICKED OUT OF THE PALACE TOO."

"Sunny's good enough," he said unsympathetically, probably already nodding off like the unfeeling simpleton bastard he was. Figured. Zoro had already fucked up everything else. How did ruining Nami's life equate to him getting laid. There was something just wrong with this whole scenario.

She walked past the dork quartet and made her way upstairs, ready to complain to Robin and turn in for the night.

What she got was Kikyo, asleep in the nude in her bed and muttering muddily about saving her from the evil of men and cock sickness. Robin was nowhere to be seen.

What a fantastic trip this was turning out to be.

"When a woman tells you she needs some air," Robin said coldly, walking a few paces ahead of Franky through the woods, "it means she wants you to leave. With haste."

"I'll leave when I think you get what I'm trying to say," Franky said loudly and angrily. "Whether haste is thrown in there or whatever is up to me."

His eyes widened when her arms moved to sign for a disappearance and he grabbed her wrist quickly. She glared and tried to get him to let go.

"Unhand me."

"No, I think you and me better have a chat," he growled, dragging her in the direction of the ship. "We're both adults, we can act like it."

An arm appeared and slapped him. She said accusingly, "You are the last person I would expect to hear such a suggestion from. You have already put us through quite a bit of trouble with your antics. Release me before-"

She stopped talking, both of them now confused by the muffled sounds of tearful self counsel nearby. Franky let Robin go and she disappeared for a moment, returning with a solemn look in her eye.

"Margaret-chan is crying."

Franky blinked. "The nee-chan with Luffy?"

"Luffy is not with her," Robin said quietly, her real body brushing past him. "She seems to be upset over something to do with him, though. I'm going to see if she's okay."

He frowned. "I'll come too. I gotta apologize for what happened anyway."

Robin glared daggers. "How lucky she is, to receive an apology." He rolled his eyes when she turned away again. "Please make sure to otherwise keep your mouth shut. I don't want you to damage their relationship any more than you have."

"Look, it's not all my fault. If they were loud and got caught, that's just an issue of timing. Otherwise she wouldn't've been thrown in jail."

Robin turned dangerously and gave him a look that suggested she might actually cause him irreparable bodily damage. "So it is my fault your voyeurism got me thrown in jail? How does that equate in your mind…"

"I didn't think you were actually doin' it," he said, pouting and looking away while he scratched at his nose. "I mean, it's flattering that you think of me like that and-"

"If I were you I would choose my words a bit more carefully from now on," she muttered, him feeling fingers dig into his neck. Right. Might be good to just shut up for a while.

Margaret paused in her conversation with her snake to glance up at the two people who had already been noisy enough to make their presence known. She looked away. "If Luffy sent you to speak with me…"

"We were just passing by. Senchou hasn't sent us," Robin said gently, sitting down in the grass with her. She looked up at Franky with hard eyes and said, "Franky-san has something to say to you. And me, if he so chooses."

He gave her a face and sighed. "Both you guys, I'm sorry things got so out of hand." He looked pointedly at Robin. "If some of us weren't so hard to read, it wouldn't have to be this way."

"Hard to read, hardly," she replied with controlled haughtiness, then turning to give Margaret a soft smile. "Margaret-chan, I don't want the stupidity of the rest of us to get in the way of your relationship with Senchou."

"I'm fine," Margaret said quietly, curling her knees to her chin. "I just wish Luffy understood better how frustrating he is sometimes."

"I think he gets it," Franky offered, shaking his head. "There's only so much you can do about it though. You have to take him as he comes."

"Well, that's not necessarily true," Robin said, giving him a look. "Letting things be if the other person in the relationship isn't happy is the last thing you should do if you intend to keep someone in your life."

"But if that person can't handle you at your worst, they don't really deserve you at your best, now, do they," the cyborg said, returning the look. Margaret sighed, oblivious to their passive aggressive banter.

"I said some things that probably hurt his feelings," she said after a time, her snake coming up to nudge her face. "I told him he shouldn't have come here if this is how things have turned out."

"Did you mean what you said?" Robin asked, smiling warmly. Margaret shook her head.

"No. I already know I would rather be able to see him and meet all of you, even if all these weird things keep happening…"

"It's mostly Franky-san's fault," Robin said encouragingly, taking her hand. Franky folded his arms and leaned on a tree across from them.

"I didn't really understand why they put me in jail until Sweet Pea started saying it was for my own good," Margaret said dryly, a tired expression blotting the light in her eyes. "And now Hebihime-sama has decreed a three day lock down until Zoro-san is no longer ill."

"He ain't sick," Franky scoffed. "He's the last guy on the ocean I'd think would fall prey to 'that' kinda disease anyway…"

"All the more reason to believe this misunderstanding will right itself sooner than later," Robin offered. Margaret blushed softly and buried her face in her knees.

"It gets harder to stay angry at Luffy, Robin-san, but I don't want Luffy to feel so bad when he leaves again."

Robin blinked and smiled understandingly. "Ah. Maybe you can see how much he likes being with you and want him to be able to move on?"

Margaret was silent, but moved so she could look at her dark haired friend. "I think so. I can't go with him."

"You could, if that's what you both want," Robin said softly. "I don't think anyone on the ship would object."

Margaret shook her head. "No. I won't go. I like you all but…" She trailed off, looking for a way to explain what she was feeling. "…I don't think Luffy would want that either. We both have things we have to do. It's the same as before, except, maybe a little harder."

They both looked up to see Franky trying to hide the fact that he was crying like a baby and failing miserably. Robin, feeling a little moved herself at the maturity her friend was trying to show, spared an arm to pat his huge shoulder. She turned to Margaret and smiled in understanding.

"I think Luffy would appreciate hearing what you've said."

"But he's mad at me right now," the blonde muttered. "He was supposed to come over tonight, but," she paused to blush like she'd probably said too much already, "I…I told him I didn't want…um…"

Robin looked worried. "Oh dear. Did you tell him you didn't want to see him anymore?"

Margaret folded into herself like she was trying to make herself invisible. "N-No. We were supposed to touch and stuff-"

"Oi, nee-chan," Franky said quickly, face colored with perversion. Robin scowled. "Talking about that in the open…"

"You're indeed the world's most hypocritical man," Robin muttered, turning back to a fidgety Margaret. "Did you tell him you didn't want to anymore?"

The Amazon sank into ashamed depression. "I told him his thing looks weird and that I don't want to see it." Seeing her two companions give her equal looks of shock, she added, "…I've probably hurt his feelings terribly, haven't I…"

"I'LL say," Franky sobbed loudly through his cupped hands, tears of sympathy for his captain already dripping to join the snot river near his nose. "What does a man have leftto take pride in if his own woman doesn't even appreciate his assets…"

Margaret shivered a little, cheeks pink under downcast eyes. "I…I am not…Luffy's…'woman'…"

Franky scowled through his liquid conviction, stalking over to stare down at her from his huge height. Robin gave him a warning look, but he had a piece to say, and by God, both of these delusional women were going to hear it before they could think or say one more thing.

"I've sailed with this crew long enough to know the difference," he started, sneering and pointing at her. "Luffy isn't some trash guy who'd just go around touchin' any girl he sees."

Robin was apparently going to let him continue. Good.

"That guy doesn't even care most of the time about normal stuff other guys care about. He's too busy livin' life with us and tryin' to make us happy. He wants someone in the crew, he says it. He wants to eat somethin', chances are there won't be anything left for the rest of us. And when it comes to girls, he's probably got less talent than a piece of string…"

He seemed to trail off for an abnormal amount of time, stuck in his defiant pointing pose, Robin growing less impressed by the second.

"If you've forgotten where you were going with that-"

"SHHHH gimme a second," he snapped, the older woman shaking her head. "Less talent than a piece of string…piece of string…"

"What he's trying to say is that Senchou undoubtedly has feelings for you that are different than the feelings he has for us. Or anyone else," Robin finished for him.

"AND, it ain't wrong being claimed as someone's woman," Franky said pointedly, waving a hand at them. "Men just like drawing lines. We don't want other guys sniffing around what they don't have business looking at."

"You really don't have a knack for explaining things, do you," Robin accused. He posed brilliantly.

"Women like me more for my body. Explanations for things like love are useless. It's just a super thing."

"Of course. We could not have hoped for something more wise to come out of your mouth..."

"I know you both are trying to help me, and I understand Luffy is important to all of you, but it might be best if we try to go back to normal," Margaret said, killing the spirit of just about everything they'd just discussed. "He and I didn't even know these things would make us act so strangely in the first place."

"THIS IS THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I WANT," Franky lamented, sweeping a hand over his eyes and trying to lean on a tree. It uprooted and he fell with it to the ground. He was ignored completely.

"I think it would be best if you discuss this with Senchou before shutting him out completely," Robin advised, touching her shoulder. "Communication is always the best route to take in a relationship." She paused a moment, looking over at Franky, bawling ever louder because of the booboo on his knee. "Yes, communication is best for keeping people together..."

It was a war zone. The whole damn place. Every door betrayed him, every hall a cackling fate trying to fling a noose over his neck.

"Swordsman," he heard her call, sweet pity caught in her throat and disguising the horror stained intentions she had. "I will fix this…"

No. Nobody could fix this. He had seen things. He had met people. He had been to too many places and known too many psycho's to not recognize crazed. You can't fix crazed. Crazed was what you cut down without a thought. And until he found the door behind which he'd foolishly left his weapons of choice, he had no defense against the crazed thing hot on his naked, terrified, freshly enlightened trail. How convenient he'd decided to bolt after she'd splashed him with fragrant oil. He imagined Hell's hounds would probably be more merciful.

But he was alone. He was stuck in this palace with this monster woman under the pretense she "exorcise him of the demon that had possessed him". Because that's the only explanation for that thing his penis had done in his sleep. He suddenly wanted to reevaluate his life and figure out where it might've been wise to not pick the path that had brought him here, to this moment, where he was running for his life from a scalpel wielding, self proclaimed high priestess of pain.

The problem wasn't just in her shitty deduction. It was in her complete lack of medical knowledge and regard for reason. There was no such thing as a Snake Goddess. His dick had not been possessed by her as punishment for making Hancock's life miserable. If he said it like that, she probably thought she was doing him a favor by trying tobleed his fucking dick.

"Swooordsman…"

Where had he gone wrong. Oh. Right. Waking up. That's usually where everything bad started. If it wasn't waking from a complete nightmare to another nightmare, it was waking from reluctantly admitted bliss into a reality that would make the nightmare impale itself on the nearest sharp object.

In these situations it was better to just keep moving. Locking himself in a room and being a sitting duck was an unacceptable option this time. No, this time, there was more on the line than just a swift kick to the nuts from the cook. This time, he would lose them. Hancock had lost her mind, the guys had left him alone to fend for himself thinking they were doing him some kind of favor. Except maybe Chopper. Chopper was probably trying to figure out how to explain the crazy away somewhere.

"Your torment can end. You will be free of the demons that bind you."

"LIKE I'M FALLING FOR THAT," he screamed, punching a door open and taking a glance before moving onto the next room. No swords.

"At first I suspected you were just an asshole, but this explains so much…you might actually be able to be tolerable from now on…"

She thought he was an asshole now? If she ever had to deal with dickless Zoro she might have to reconsider her career as an amateur exorcist.

"We need to finish the ritual, stupid swordsman, I'm trying to help you…"

There.

He punched through the door, dive bombed over the floor to slide into his swords, and had them unsheathed faster than the speed of blood to Sanji's nose. He waited for her appear. Felt sweat trickle down the curve of his own shoulder. Noticed, once again, how much it sucks being naked and wet with no wind to dry you. And also having to run from a woman. Who may or may not also be naked. Sanji was the one that wanted this, right? He'd probably be glad to offer up his dick as sacrifice.

One drop of water pelted his eyelashes, the color in his face draining. He looked up.

"I want peace, swordsman," she wheezed, crazy eyed, dewy skinned and spider limbed with her fingers encased in the holes she'd forced into the ceiling in order to hide there. He could just cry...

"Please don't do this," he whimpered. How was he even supposed to explain this to himself anymore.

"Think of it as embracing the rest of your life as a free man," she said before letting herself fall.
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