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Relax and Hang On -- Again	By : cupnjava Category: Gensomaden Saiyuki > General Views: 20723 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaden Saiyuki, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 13
- 14
- 15
5,000+ HITS!!! THANK YOU ALL! (I never thought this possible.)

Author’s note: How I got Goku’s shoe size--- In the manga, I think this was in the first one -- he and Gojyo go to kick the same dude. The bottom of Goku’s foot is toward the “fourth wall”, the number was clearly visible. I converted that size to American shoe sizes. The others’ sizes involved a lot of random samples and a ruler -- the sizes were extrapolated using Goku’s as a known good. Shrug -- who knows if I am right.
At the end of the chapter, I make use of Jeremy Bentham’s Hedonic Calculus. Hakkai has been using this thought process to make most of his decisions through out RAHO. It seems to me that he uses it in the anime too, but that could just be me. If you are familiar with it, you will see the flaws . If you are not familiar with it, you should still be able to follow the scene. I felt it was important to take you through Hakkai’s thought process during that scene. One thing that I have to stress is that once the Calculus has been internalized, the process goes by very quickly (especially for Hakkai). Explaining it is a different story.

RAHO : XIV Blanctic Day One -- Let’s Play a Game.

Breakfast went off without a hitch. Goku seemed to be in a bit of better spirits although he was still a somewhat distant. Sanzo took it all in stride. He’d rather have an obnoxious Goku over a depressed Goku any day --- a fact he kept to himself.

Even though everyone knew it.
Gojyo managed to hide their bag quickly enough to keep private things private. It wasn’t that either one was hiding the relationship -- no, everything was out in the open now so that wasn’t the issue. It’s just that even with as open as things had become some things were still private. That red leather bag was private. Gojyo was special enough to see inside and he didn’t want prying eyes accidental or not to see inside his special place. The special place that had the zipper which opened just for Gojyo.
Now, if he could just further open that smile as easily.
Hakkai sat on the front porch steps holding his cup in both hands. It wasn’t his normal coffee or tea; this time it was hot coco. He scanned the white covered grounds through the rising stream and could almost hear Kanan’s laughter.
*********
“Oh, Gonou look…” Kanan whispered as she pointed to a small bush.
Gonou stepped behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, “What?”
“There.” She pointed again. “Shhh… we don’t want to scare it.”
Gonou looked down her blue coat covered arm and along the length of her tan glove covered finger and spied a very young fox coming into his first winter coat, “I suspect this one was born a little late in the season.”
Kanan smiled and leaned back against her lover, “I wonder where the mother is. He’s too young to be on his own.”
The snow nearly covered the height of the little fox. He stumbled with each step as there was a delay between his paw coming down and the snow giving under his weight. He tumbled and rolled. The little fox swayed as he stood and let out a long, soft plaintive cry.
Kanan gasped, “Oh, I hope he’s not orphaned. He’s way too young to face a winter alone.”
Gonou pushed his nose in-between her sweater turtleneck and her warm skin. “He’ll be fine. Animals have a way…” His voice trailed off as a larger fox in a full winter coat answered the smaller ones cry. The larger fox looked at the pair of brunettes.
Kanan softly giggled, “We won’t hurt you. Tend to your baby.”
Gonou smiled against Kanan’s skin and inhaled her scent. The scent of his love was rooted in the deepest recesses of the earth, a warm solid smell that heated him to the core. This solid smell was layered with wisps of natural orchids and just a hint of spice.
He felt complete just holding it was as if her essence filled him and put the jumbled pieces of his soul together. She gently embraced everything. He believed if he could learn just a glimmer of how she did that, he would be ten-times better than the pitiful excuse for a person he thought he was.
The mother fox , sensing no threat, turned her attention to her youngling and nudged him along through his difficult trek.
Gonou and Kanan stood very still until both animals were hidden by the underbrush.
Kanan turned in her lover’s arms and brushed the tip of her nose against his, “You’re cold.”
Gonou shook his head, “Not on the inside.”
“You should dress more warmly, you’ll get chilled.”
He knew he’d get in trouble for just wearing a scarf and a sweatshirt; he smiled, “Well, then … you’ll just have to warm me.”
She laughed and a small blush washed under cold-reddened cheeks, “Oh, you.”
He turned his head, “This is it.”
She looked in the direction he was looking, “This is what?”
“This is where they are going to be putting cabin thirty-eight.”
“This is a beautiful spot.”
*****************
Maybe coming here was not so wise.
This place was overflowing with memories. The memories themselves were pleasant -- the emptiness he masked during those moments was not. The emptiness that became bearable when Ah’Nesty came in to his life. The emptiness that disappeared when Kanan returned to his life. The same emptiness, but harsher and darker that filled his soul one fateful rainy night and was now beginning to fade once again nearly four years later.
A bush shook as a fox wearing his winter coat darted out from under the underbrush and scurried past the snowman.
Hakkai sighed and cut his eyes to the snowman.
The cabins were situated as such that the front doors to the cabins faced each other. Sitting on the steps gave Hakkai a wonderful view of the cape on the back of the snowman.
Gojyo stepped out onto the porch and smiled as he looked at the back of his lover. He sat down behind Hakkai slipping his legs to either side of the brunette and sliding his hands down his lover’s arms.
Hakkai leaned back and lifted his cup, “Coco?”
Gojyo whispered into an ear cuffed ear, “No, thank you.”
Hakkai took in a sigh and sipped his coco.
Gojyo rubbed his nose in brunette locks as crystalline water fluttered to the ground all around them. “When you look out there what do you see?”
Hakkai smiled. “How is your hand?” He looked at Gojyo’s arms and knitted his brow, “What are you doing out here in your regular clothes?”
Gojyo gently squeezed Hakkai, “My hand is fine. Stop worrying about it. And you’re out here in your regular clothes.”
“My regular clothes have sleeves. You should at least put on the cloak. You‘ll get chilled.”
Gojyo tilted his head forward and brushed his cheek against Hakkai’s ear, “You should at least answer my question. I tell ya what. You answer my question and I’ll put on the cloak.” He was freezing, he’d forgotten about the cold before he walked out here. The cabin was wonderfully toasty.
Hakkai sipped his coco, “We’ve never been ones to talk about our pasts, why start now?”
Gojyo whispered against the side of Hakkai’s neck, “Because we’re here now.”
Hakkai sniffed his coco, “We’re here because of you.”
Gojyo smiled, “And I appreciate every bit of it, but is that the full truth?”
Hakkai sighed, “No, I suppose not.”
Gojyo turned his face and pressed a light kiss on Hakkai’s cheek.
Hakkai closed his eyes and leaned into the kiss. “What’s my name?”
“Hakkai. You are Cho Hakkai who is experiencing the wonders of having Sha Gojyo as a lover.” He loved the feel of that name on his tongue almost as much as he enjoyed the feel of the man on his tongue.
Hakkai chuckled. “That‘s my Gojyo.”
Gojyo slipped his arms under Hakkai’s and crossed his arms at the wrist. He gently squeezed his lover as he rested his hands on the front of Hakkai’s shoulders. “Tell me about this place.”
“Where are Sanzo and Goku?”
“Not here. Other than that I don’t know and don’t care. Goku can protect Sanzo, they don’t need us here. There are too few humans to attract the demon’s attention.” He pressed a kiss against the nape of Hakkai’s neck, “You’re deflecting. Did you think I wouldn’t notice that you are answering my questions with questions? And not very well, I might add, this time you are actually changing the subject instead of just putting the context back on me.”
Hakkai smiled. He’d hoped it would slip past Gojyo, but didn’t expect it. “You’re brighter than most people credit you.”
Gojyo shrugged, “I got a reputation to protect.” He chuckled, “If people think I’m bright, they’ll start asking me to figure out stuff.”
Hakkai chuckled, “Then, I won’t have a job.”
Gojyo nodded, “Yep, can’t take that from you. I’ll handle the jokes and you handle the puzzles, deal?”
“Deal.”
A tan fingertip touched a light tan chin. Gojyo carried his light touch under his lover jaw and down that alluring throat, “So, tell me what do you see as you sit and look at the past?”
Hakkai slowly closed his eyes and rolled his head back, “That would be a puzzle and that would be my job.” He smirked.
Gojyo pressed a kissed to the front of his lover’s neck, “Don’t close off from me.” He pointed his tongue and lightly swiped the sensitive flesh.
Hakkai shuddered, not from the cold, “I’m sorry, Gojyo, it’s not that I want to close off. It’s just … well….that I can’t. No. It’s just….” his voice trailed off.
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Gonou looked at Hakkai, “He wants to know us.”
Hakkai sighed, “He knows me. He knows all there is to know about me.”
Gonou lifted an eyebrow, “Then, logic dictates that he wants to know me.”
Hakkai softly nodded, “That is my fear.”
Emerald eyes narrowed, “He’s going to love me. Let him in.”
“I don’t need you anymore. Why can’t you go back to being not gay?”
Gonou smirked, “Too late for that. You let your heart get involved. When we fall in love it is forever.”
Hakkai sighed.
Gonou cackled, “Are you afraid he’ll like me more than he’ll like you? This is Sha Gojyo we’re dealing with.”
Hakkai blinked, “Don’t end a sentence with a preposition; you know better.”
Gonou rolled his eyes, “Talk about deflecting.”
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Gojyo nipped at Hakkai’s ear, “It’s just what?”
Hakkai nibbled his bottom lip and knitted his brow, “I’m not sure. I can’t find the words.”
Gojyo smiled against Hakkai’s neck, “Let me see the truth behind the smile, let me in.”
Hakkai took in a deep breath and then sipped his coco, “You are in; you’ve been in.”
Gojyo pressed his forehead against Hakkai’s shoulder, “Gonou is a part of you, you know. Are you afraid I might not like what’s beneath that smile?”
Hakkai sighed. He didn’t want keep Gojyo at bay. He wanted to please his lover, he wanted to provide Gojyo with every answer the crimson topped man wanted. However, it was as if Hakkai was walking a fragile thin line: on one side sanity and clarity and on the other side madness and self-destruction. The dark side was filled with reckless behavior that provided band-aid fixes to internal hollowness. A life of resorting to the extremes in order to feel something -- anything. Behavior he left behind him when he and Kanan left this area. Behavior that was all around him now. Behavior he didn’t need anymore for now he felt everything sometimes all at once.
He put his hands on Gojyo’s knees and gently squeezed.
And truth be told, the man Hakkai no longer wanted to be was a bit more of Gojyo’s type. He held no fear that Gojyo would leave him. His concern was rooted in: if Gojyo found out who he use to be, would Gojyo want that man -- the man Hakkai could not dare be.
Would Gojyo want Gonou to come out of Hakkai?
One wrong step. One lost temper. One uncapped impulse and it could mean the beginning of a slippery slope into madness. Just like the limiters had to be used, Gonou had to be suppressed at least until this change across Shangri-La was stopped and safely reversed. He’d pressed his luck too many times already this journey, he had to be extra careful now.
The further west they traveled the deeper, darker and stronger the maddening call seemed to be.
Once the madness set in there were two outs. One, Sanzo’s bullet. Two, Kanan’s way. He could not do to Gojyo what Kanan did to him. He could not transfer his grief. Additionally and equally, he could not make Sanzo kill him.
He had to hold himself tight.
Gojyo ran his tongue from a green collar to a getting cold earlobe, “I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. I think you need a reminder. I am here for you. I will always be here for you. There is nothing you can say, nothing you can do, nothing you can ask of me sexual or otherwise that will change my opinion of you. You are safe here…to be you.”
Hakkai smiled softly; he remembered the first time hearing those words. “I still need time.”
“Do you intend on letting me in deeper? Are you at least trying?” He bit his lips to not chuckle at the unintended double entendre.
“Yes.” That was Hakkai’s simple and honest answer.
They sat in silence a while Hakkai finished his coco. Both men took a moment to enjoy the peaceful surroundings, the snow blanketed evergreens and the winter stripped hardwoods. The majestic peaked mountains surrounded them in the distance, below their over-look and right beneath their feet. White gifts from heaven continued to fall about them, but for some reason the snowman seemed immune to additions.
The snowman remained untouched by continued snowfall the parts of the whole -- the material adornments added by the reluctant band of brothers -- they remained clearly visible.
Gojyo continued the seemingly random attentions to various parts of Hakkai’s exposed skin. Little kisses here, small nips there … caresses and touches all brief and all gentle.
Hakkai smirked, “Gojyo, I’m suspecting you are in a bit of a mood. Anxious for more physical therapy?”
A crimson eyebrow lifted. About time you figured it out. “Can I ask something of you?”
Hakkai nodded, “Always.”
Gojyo place a light gentle kiss against Hakkai’s cheek, “Can I play with you today?” Will you be my toy today?”
Hakkai nodded, “Any time, Lover, any time.”
Gojyo’s soul soared! Hakkai still trusted him enough to do this. Hakkai hadn’t set any limits, didn’t ask any questions -- just simply agreed. “Gods! I was hoping you were going to say that. I just want free reign over your body. I want to touch you, feel you, hear you , taste you.”
Hakkai had been waiting for this. He knew there would be a time when Gojyo would want to take charge as a way of reclaiming his body. He held no reservations; he knew Gojyo would never intentionally hurt him, “Not a problem.” He turned his head and cut his eyes toward crimson eyes, “What’s my name?”
Gojyo smirked and twitched an eyebrow, “Right now it’s Hakkai. By the end of the day, it’s going to be Screamer.”
Hakkai blushed.
“How well stocked is that store we went to?” It seemed like a regular small grocery store when they went yesterday. Gojyo was fishing for information.
“It has the typicals. It’s not adult oriented.”
“I don’t need it to be.” The supplies he wanted, held a high degree of “deniability.”
He needed to know if there was an arts and crafts section, “Can I get a bolt of fabric?”
Hakkai knitted his brow, “A bolt of fabric? A whole bolt?”
Gojyo chuckled, “A few yards, you don’t read those books in our bag do you?”
“I’ve skimmed them. You can’t get a bolt of fabric, but they do sell a few linens.”
“Like sheets and stuff?”
“Yes.”
“Perfect.”
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Kanzeon Bosatsu cupped her cheek and jaw in her hand as she looked over the lotus pond. She twitched an eyebrow. Will silk do?

She loved being merciful. She was so pleased with herself. She was just brimming over with pride and self-directed accolades --- and humility of course so much humility she was proud of it. Being the Goddess of Love and Mercy was a never-ending daunting task.
Oh pity her, pity her.
She cackled.
Jiroshin paled.

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As they stood, Hakkai thought about the perverse pleasures involved with being Gojyo’s personal playground for the day. Gojyo needed a submissive partner right now and Hakkai was more than willing to be any kind of partner Gojyo wanted or needed.
Gojyo stood, “Have you seen the bathroom here? I‘m willing to be that‘s what Sanzo is doing. He‘s sitting in a huge tub.”
That was exactly what Sanzo was doing. He was up to his neck in hot warm water. He’d even figured out how to turn on the jets. He slouched down, let the water lap at his ears and debated the safety of falling asleep. He held a thick book in one hand and occasionally wondered why the tub was so large. It seemed to be built for two people.
Goku was reading also. Reading a book he borrowed from a green-eyed friend.
Hakkai laughed, “I helped lay the tile in the these cabins.”
Gojyo snickered, “Just how did you lay that tile?”
Hakkai leaned in to Gojyo and whispered, “With my dick.”
Crimson eyes popped, “About time you remember you are a 22 year-old male with a sense of humor and a sex drive. Oh my, you have gotten nasty.”
Hakkai curled away and blushed. What was the origin of that?
Gonou knew.
Gojyo cupped Hakkai’s chin in his hand and turned his lover’s face toward him, “Nasty, lewd, salacious and touching on crude.” He loved that sweet blush when Hakkai would cross that line. There was just something incredibly erotic about hearing such thoughts and words from the typically pure man. “Trying to take my job, hmmm?”
Emerald eyes trembled as the thoughts of being so brazen rushed through him.
Gojyo leaned closer, “And I like it.” He pressed his lips against Hakkai’s, wrapped one arm around Hakkai’s waist, one around his shoulders and proceeded to attack his lover with a nearly brutal kiss.
Hakkai was held so tight he had to hold his breath. He thought the was going to drop to his knees right then and there. Feeling Gojyo cover him , totally seal his lips, and dance around his tongue made him pool inside. He was far from chilled now.
Gojyo broke the kiss with a wet pop.
Hakkai panted as he found his legs. “You need to know I was a totally different person then.”
Gojyo nodded, “I know. I’ve seen the changes in you since we’ve been here.” He turned and opened the door. They’re kinda fun, baffling but fun. He looked over his shoulder and winked. “Don’t worry about me getting chilled. It’ll give you an excuse to warm me.”
Hakkai smiled.
Gojyo lifted an eyebrow, “Now, that’s an honest smile.”
They stepped inside. Hakkai grabbed their cloaks and Gojyo stepped up to him.
Gojyo walked Hakkai backwards and pinned his lover against the wall, “We need to do some laying work of our own.” He pressed his hips into Hakkai’s and pressed his lover’s biceps into the wall. “We need to set some ground work.”
Hakkai blinked and nodded, “Words. Safewords.”
Gojyo lifted an eyebrow, “You’ve been reading more than you let on. Ya sneaky bastard.”
Hakkai softly chuckled.
Gojyo nipped at his lover’s neck, “I will not make you do anything you don’t want to do, but I do want you to expand a few boundaries.”
Hakkai nodded and could not hide the playful smirk on his face.
Gojyo decided to pay a little homage and continued, ”Neutral means you need to negotiate something. Reverse means you need me to stop. Forward is what you say when you are ready to continue. Got it?” He figured Sanzo wouldn’t mind what Sanzo didn’t know.
Hakkai nodded, “Yes.”
“Yes?”
“Forward.”
Gojyo smiled. “Have you taken your shower yet today?”
Hakkai knitted his brow, “Yes.”
“Hmmm, at some point you are going to get another one.”
Hakkai nodded.
Gojyo purred against Hakkai’s neck; it was time to get this game started, “First, take off your boxers. I want you to feel that thick fabric against you. I want the cold to surround you on the way to the store.”
Hakkai sheepishly smiled, “Ok.”
Gojyo did not lift off Hakkai. “Well?”
“Here?”
“Yes.”
Hakkai wormed his hands to his pants and began to open them.
Gojyo smirked as he felt his lover move against his body.
Hakkai had some difficulty reaching his pants to get them back on, but with some creative sliding he managed it. Feeling Gojyo’s clothing and body weight against him made him feel a little bit dizzy.
Gojyo slipped his hand along the inside of Hakkai’s waistband. “How do you feel?”
Hakkai knitted his brow as he searched for words. “Lewd.” Not wearing underwear -- such a simple thing. He could feel the course fabric against his sensitive skin. He felt a sense of freedom mixed with a sense of exposure and yet for the most part he was fully clothed. This was odd.
Gojyo softly yet firmly spoke, “Put your boxers on the back of the couch.” He lifted off Hakkai.
Hakkai assumed this was going after the neat-nik in him. He draped the boxers over the back of the couch.
Gojyo stepped up behind his lover, “They are to stay there. In the event that someone comes over, I want them to know that you aren’t wearing them.”
Green-eyes went wide. He felt deliciously exposed. How could that be? No one else was here. How could Gojyo make him feel vulnerable, exposed and open while they were alone and clothed?
Gojyo grabbed Hakkai by the hand and headed for the door.
Hakkai looked over his shoulder, “Hakuryuu?”
Hakuryuu pulled his head from under a wing. Their timing was awful --- that was a great dream. With a one solid flap he was in the air.
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Sanzo walked out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. He noticed Goku in the window reading. “Monkey?”
Goku looked up, “Yeah?”
“Just checking.” He walked into the bedroom to get dressed.
Goku smiled. It was easy to forget that Sanzo cared sometimes. This was not one of those times.
Goku stood from the window. His literature was abandoned.
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Gojyo and Hakkai made it to the grocery mercantile on grounds.
Gojyo lifted an eyebrow. “Are you sure it is ok for us to be doing this?” It was locked up, but Hakkai apparently knew where the spare key was
Hakkai nodded, “Yes, I’m sure.” He tilted a potted plant.
Crimson eyes went wide, “What the fuck?!”
Hakkai looked up at him as nimble fingers opened the lock, “What?”
“Those are lock picks,” He glanced at Hakkai kneeling by the door and the lock picks in his hand, “ … and you just opened that door in no time flat.”
Hakkai shrugged, “The key to this door was lost a long time ago. This is the only way to open it.” He stood and opened the door.
Gojyo shook his head, “Where did you learn to use lock picks so well?” He had to get deeper under that smile, what else what that green-eyed man guarding?
Hakkai flipped on a light, “Here and there.” He chuckled, “Mainly here.”
The grocery mercantile was sizable and well stocked. The floors were a dusty hardwood and the displays were rather rustic with wooden racks and shelves. The wear patterns in the floor were starkly evident. There was a refrigerated section, dry goods section, and a health and first aid section. Gojyo smiled, this was fairly well stocked.
Gojyo looked around and grabbed a basket. “There’s no one here. How are we going to pay for this?”
Hakkai smiled, “I’ll figure out a way, don’t worry.”
While they were in the grocery store, Gojyo picked up several items. Some of these items were, shaving cream, plastic wrap, two pairs of scissors and a tube of Icy Hot.

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“Monkey!” Sanzo bellowed as he turned sharply. His belt buckle clanked hanging freely by his hip. Violet eyes narrowed as he scanned Goku standing in the doorway to the bedroom with several more snowballs in his arm. That first one landed square in the middle of his back.
A huge smile plastered itself to Goku’s face, “I’m going to make you have fun whether you want it or not.” He threw another ball.
Sanzo was too slow, this one landed right in the solar plexus. God damn that was cold! His skin was still hot and sensitive from the bath, he’d only gotten halfway dressed before this shit with golden eyes started playing fucking games, “Do you wanna die?” He turned toward his robes.
Goku pelted him with another snowball, “I can get you two more times before you even make it to the fan.” He howled with laughter.
Sanzo dashed toward his robes. In a way it was nice seeing Goku like this, that snowman must have done a good deal of good.
Oh! A one-two punch from Goku! The monkey was in the lead by five hits.
Sanzo shook as the snow fell from his side and shoulder. He now had the fan.
Locked and loaded the monk turned from the corner of the room and charged on the offense.
The monkey grinned standing still. A tan arm drew back.
Sanzo’s arms curled in as the white ball tagged him in the sternum. He lifted his head and continued his frontal assault.
Goku still did not move. Pilot to bombardier target of opportunity sighted. Goku let loose.
Sanzo nearly dropped to his knees as the frigid wetness began to seep through the crotch of his pants, “That’s dirty pool. No hitting below the belt!”
The score was now Monkey : 7 ; Monk: 0
Goku cackled and threw another ball.
Sanzo cried out as his bellybutton was attacked. He swung.
Goku ducked and dashed from the room.
Sanzo was hot on his tail.
Goku jumped over the couch.
Separated by a black leather line the two opponents eyed each other.
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Gojyo saddled up to Hakkai, “Since we’re here …” His voice trailed off, “What did you get?”
Hakkai put his bags in the back of the jeep, “Dinner supplies.”
Gojyo nodded, “Oh, since we’re here, is there a place we a get some warmer clothing?”
Hakkai nodded, “Sure. Some people only buy their skiing equipment and clothing at places like this.”
They headed off to the general goods mercantile and Gojyo stuffed the box of plastic wrap in the back of his waist band and under his blue button up.
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The score was now Monkey : 10 ; Monk : 0
Sanzo stepped to the left.
Goku moved keeping the distance equal. A brown eyebrow playfully twitched.
Sanzo gritted his teeth and dashed right.
The monkey saw that coming and thwarted the monk -- they remained equidistant of each other around that couch.
The monk attempted a fake, but the monkey was too quick and reversed his direction before the monk could close the distance.
This made the fifth trip around the couch.
Goku stood with his back to the fireplace.
Sanzo glared, “You’re out of ammo.”
Goku smiled and dashed behind the black leather chair. He lifted a bucket. “How you didn’t see this coming, I’ll never know.”
Distant weapons had their uses.
Goku threw.
Sanzo deflected with the fan.
Goku threw again.
The fan became a makeshift baseball bat and the pitcher was shot gunned.
The monk scored, tagging the monkey square in the chest!
Goku screamed. “Damn! That’s cold.”
Sanzo sucked his teeth, “And you have a shirt on.”
“That can be changed.“ He sat the bucket down, crossed his arms over his chest and pulled his shirt off. Goku’s upper teeth were revealed as his grin went playful. He scanned his lover’s body, “Got a couple points you’d like to make?”
Sanzo cut eyes quickly to his chest, “Fuck you it’s cold.”
“Is that all?”
Sanzo blinked. How did Goku go from child to adult in the blink of an eye? “Yes, that’s all.”
Goku feigned a sigh, “That’s too bad.” I still have more work to do. He threw another ball.
The time out was over.
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Hakkai picked up a dark green, long-sleeved, boat-necked, fleece shirt.
Gojyo nipped at his lover’s ear, “Why don’t you try it on?” He fanned his fingers against Hakkai’s hips.
Hakkai turned his head, “You are really enjoying this.”
Crimson eyes danced with glee and lascivious thoughts ran through his mind, “More than you know.” He wormed a hand to Hakkai’s clasps. “I’m tired of you being so hard to get to.”
Emerald eyes widened, “I’m not changing here.”
Gojyo blinked. You’re changing. Maybe not your clothes, but your changing. “What? We’re alone. They aren’t operating the stores with only four people on the grounds.”
“We may not stay alone.”
Gojyo paused as he waited for the word that Hakkai didn’t say. He opened his lover’s shirt and began to pull it from him. He ran his tongue down Hakkai’s now exposed spine.
Hakkai’s head rolled back as gasp entered his lungs.
Gojyo wrapped his hand around Hakkai’s waist and hoisted the khaki covered hips up and back.
Hakkai whipped his hands to the shelf in front of him to keep his balance. His fingers gripped into the wood as Gojyo lavished attention to the small of his back. Gojyo’s name breathlessly escaped him as he realized he only thought he felt exposed and vulnerable in the cabin. Now, he was exposed and vulnerable.
Gojyo began working Hakkai’s pants open.
A jagged breath left Hakkai, “Gojyo, stop.” He was utterly paranoid that someone would walk in through that door any moment. Deliciously paranoid. The trepidation behind being caught in such a compromising position seemed to make his blood run a bit warmer.
Gojyo smiled against Hakkai’s skin. Stop was not the word.
Hakkai nibbled is bottom lip as his head dropped between his arms, “I don’t need to remove those to change shirts.”
Gojyo pushed Hakkai’s pants down over his hips, “I’m tired of you being so hard to reach. You’re getting a pair of pull-on pants. I want to slip my hands against your skin whenever and wherever I want to.”
Hakkai stomach quaked as familiar warmth began to gravitate between his legs. He moaned.
Gojyo knew that moan. He lightly stroked Hakkai’s chest. “Calm down, Lover, you have a long day ahead of you.”
Hakkai took in a long deep breath, “I can’t help it. You do this to me.”
Gojyo pressed his lips against Hakkai’s shoulder, “I’m going to be doing a lot more to you.”
Emerald eyes knitted and irises went small as something cool and smooth pushed it’s self against his most private area.
Gojyo chuckled.
Hakkai’s looked down, his mouth hung slightly open and his eyes blinked several times. Gojyo was wrapping his genitals rather snuggly in plastic wrap. He had one thought: Huh?
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The score was now Monkey : 19 ; Monk : 3
The game of pickle around the couch ended when Goku scrambled toward the dining area.
Sanzo watched as lithe muscles flexed and twisted under tan skin. Goku kept slipping just past his reach. “Getting hungry, Chimp? You’re slowing down.”
Goku had run completely out of snowballs, this was now a game of “save my skin“. “Or could it be that you are finally waking up?”
Perhaps both. Perhaps the game had change to Goku wanting to be caught and Sanzo wanting to catch.
Goku stumbled over his own feet and Sanzo snatched the moment.
The fan flew and scored.
Porcelain fingers twisted into a belt loop.
Goku turned and pounced.
Sanzo fell to his back and released a harsh, “Ooof”.
Goku pressed Sanzo’s hands into the lush carpet and pulled the fan from those strong fingers. He settled himself over Sanzo’s hips and held the fan. “Paybacks a bitch.”
Violet eyes widened, “Don’t you even think about it.”
The fan flew!
Breath left Sanzo as the paper instrument of discipline crashed against his abdomen.
Goku chuckled, “That’s one. Do you want to play a game of cards?”
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Gojyo pulled tan fleece pants up over Hakkai’s hips. “How do you feel?”
Hakkai stepped to turn around. He brow knitted as he tried to sort out all the signals from his body. Before on their way here, he felt open and exposed. He was acutely aware of the fabric against his skin and cold surrounding him. Now, he was keenly aware of what he wasn’t feeling. He was tuned into the lack of sensations.
The feel of clothing upon one’s body, something the mind filters and one doesn’t not notice --- until something alters the normal course.
Hakkai took another step. He felt himself slipping inside of the loose fitting clothing. He felt free and yet confined. He felt bizarre. Emerald eyes found smirking crimson, “I feel compact.”
Gojyo smiled, “Any pain? Did I do it too tight?”
Hakkai shook his head, “No. I wouldn’t say that it is comfortable, but it’s not uncomfortable either.”
Gojyo leaned in and pressed his lips against his lovers. His hands traveled under that green fleece shirt and his thumbs slid over firm nipples.
Hakkai felt Gojyo’s hips rub against his and again being denied the sensations made him crave the sensations even more. He wasn’t completely void of sensation. He felt the pressure of his lover against him, he felt the warmth and he felt muted sliding, but those were just teases of the touch he really wanted. Teases that made the urges stronger.
Going from being explicitly exposed to tightly covered so quickly evoked strong cravings for the happy medium he was use to. His boundaries were being expanded by the second.
Gojyo trapped his lover’s bottom lip and gently nibbled as he broke the kiss. He softly smiled. He wanted to run through a dialog of how much Hakkai’s trust meant to him. He wanted to express his appreciation for allowing the long promised creativity. He wanted to say a whole lot, but he was lost in those emerald eyes that hinted at salacious desires.
Hakkai saw the softness in those crimson eyes. Gojyo’s eyes could tell more than his voice ever could. That man of his was having a ball. The crimson haired Don Juan seemed so excited that he was about to jump out of his skin. Hakkai softly smiled; he was doing right by Gojyo.
Gojyo smirked, “Are you enjoying this creativity?”
Hakkai nodded, “Very much so.”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gonou yelled, “You hypocrite! How dare you enjoy something that bothered you before!”
Hakkai sighed, “I enjoyed it before. It was just unexpected.”
Gonou lifted an eyebrow, “So, you admit you’ve been slipping for a while.”
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Gojyo blinked. That was a direct unguarded answer. He was getting more and more glimpses of what was under that smile by the minute. If this little side trip turned out like he expected it would; then, it was going to be worth every second. He briefly wondered if that storm could get worse. Was that wonder or hope?
Hakkai tilted his head, “Weren’t you the one that needed warmer clothing?”
Gojyo nodded his head, “Yes, but you needed clothing with easier access.” He lifted Hakkai’s shirt, dipped the waistband just a bit and lapped at the shading just inside his lover’s hipbone.
Hakkai gripped Gojyo’s shoulders and rolled his head back.
Gojyo gritted his teeth, “I expect you to stay wrapped until I unwrap you.”
Hakkai softly knitted his brow, “What if I have to---”
Gojyo nipped at his lover’s ear, “You’re able to; I’m not an idiot.”
Hakkai smiled against Gojyo’s neck, “I never thought you were.”
This visit to Blanctic was suppose to be about Gojyo. Getting Gojyo better. Helping Gojyo heal. Hakkai wondered when was it that the visit here seemed to ricochet off Gojyo and into him.
As he saw the spring in Gojyo’s step as Gojyo pulled on a black fleece shirt, Hakkai realized his lover was healing -- healing in his own way and on his own terms. At this point, Hakkai didn’t much care how Gojyo healed as long as when they left this place, he was the same Gojyo as when they started this love affair.
Hakkai’s wants were in vain. The Gojyo that breathed when they started this that night of EverClear and “for a little while” was forever gone. The Hakkai that began this trip into love’s embrace was gone too. They had both changed over the past few months. Growing into each other, learning each other and these changes were for the better.
The core person was the same -- Gojyo was Gojyo and Hakkai was Hakkai -- but this little side trip on their journey of life and west helped both of them to mercifully heal some of their wounds of the past at least in brief stolen moments of “little whiles“.
Salvage rights -- can be beautiful. Together they were indeed making a viable whole.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Goku grinned, “That was four. Now, I asked you a question.”
Sanzo knitted his brow. Those swipes were beginning to hurt.
Goku looked at the lily white abdomen displayed before him and smiled. There was a nice pink streak forming.
Sanzo tried to look disinterested as he interlaced his fingers and tucked them behind his head. He did not answer.
The fan flew. Lips curled under golden eyes as the bricks in Sanzo‘s stomach suddenly clenched. That was a sight to be hold. That pale skin tightening and relaxing, flanked by tan carpet, bottomed by black jeans and topped by blonde hair. The sunlight from the window evoked a hint of sparkle on that skin and the glimmer of fire in those violet eyes. “Five.” Goku held the fan in his hand and lightly patted his palm.
Violet eyes narrowed, “Don’t stop on an odd number.”
A brown eyebrow lifted, “Why?”
“It feels wrong.”

Goku swiped the fan across his lover’s stomach, “Get use to it.” He swiped it again for a total of seven.
Sanzo’s bottom lip curled between his teeth. He looked up at Goku, the man-child under his tutelage. Those five years between them seemed to shrink as the muscles on that small framed body flexed. At times the golden-eyed wonder seemed to have a nearly boyish figure and at times he seemed to very much walk with the bulk of a man. As the body weight of his charge sank against his hips, Sanzo saw the man within the teenager. “Goku?”
“Yeah, Sanzo?”
“How are you feeling?”
“Fine.” He shrugged, “I suppose sometimes I just need to be reminded I’m not alone. Especially, when it is dark and quiet.”
Sanzo nodded. He supposed there were times he needed to be reminded he was alive. “Goku?”
“Yeah, Sanzo?”
“Deal the cards.”
Goku smiled.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gojyo had Hakkai bent backwards against a high table. That green fleece shirt was bunched up at Hakkai’s shoulders. Tan hands roamed freely over his lover as his lips, tongue and teeth sought out a nipple.
Hakkai felt Gojyo’s hips once again grind against his and the mixture of touch and denied touch made his head spin.
Gojyo parted his teeth and applied pressure to a pink nipple.
Hakkai gasped and hissed out a breath. His fingers gripped into Gojyo arms.
Gojyo released the puffy nub, “Your skin doesn’t seems as sensitive as when we started this.”
Hakkai took in a breath, “It had been quite a while for me. I suppose I’m getting use to a lover’s touch again.”
Gojyo chuckled, “Over three years, that made you an honorary virgin.”
Hakkai knitted his brow, “Does this mean, I’m no longer fun?”
Gojyo ran this closed teeth against the little pink target in his sights, “Oooohhh, far from it. You are fun indeed. It means I need to up the ante.”
Hakkai let out a gasp. Doing this here called to his reckless side; it drew out a sense of illicitness and dangerousness.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gonou chuckled, “He’s already doing it. He’s calling me out.”
Emerald eyes narrowed, “Shut up!”
Gonou’s eyebrows lifted, “Watch yourself, that was solidly snippy.”
Hakkai pushed a hand into his bangs and sighed, “We’re safe with him.”
Gonou lifted an eyebrow, “He wants you to let yourself go. The question is: is he safe with us?”
Tenpou lit a cigarette. Most people looked at Sanguinans as the dangerous one. The beast in chains was violent, yes, but the green-eyed human was malicious. Gonou played a mental game --- Gonou internalized. Gonou was a wounded animal quietly waiting for prey to walk by and struck from the shadows. Gonou had been ripped to shreds by life; he was far from stable. For a while, Tenpou’s impulsiveness and penchant for breaking rules fed into Gonou’s behavior. They had a lot of fun -- some great times. Then, Tenpou saw what was really going on within Gonou.
Hakkai wasn’t as fractured from himself as he wanted to be. We are but the culmination of our individual experiences. Our past converges in a synergistic mix that creates who we currently are and how we currently function. As additional experiences change that mix, the self evolves, changes and grows. Tenpou knew this. Hakkai needed all of the “hims” that made up the man order to function and complete this mission west. Tenpou knew this also -- and that was the only reason he quietly watched from the shadowed recesses of Hakkai‘s inner being.
However, if this went too far -- Tenpou would haul-off and deck that human.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gojyo snapped off Hakkai and turned toward the fleece pants as if the teasing on the table never happened. “Suppose we should get something for the M&M’s.”
Hakkai was dazed he barely spoke, “M&M’s?”
“Monk and Monkey.”
Hakkai caught his breath and pushed himself from the table. His knees wavered as he tried to find his footing. How could Gojyo just turn it off and on like that? As Hakkai stepped toward the clothing his mind was still on that table. His body was still writhing against Gojyo’s. His breath was still rapid and shallow. He blinked and shook his head, “Yes, especially Goku. Sanzo’s probably alright under the robes.”
Gojyo nodded, “Not his feet. He’s in sandals.”
Hakkai nodded, “Yes. You’re right.” Hakkai felt like all of his senses were peaked. His skin was flush as his blood ran hot. He was having a hard time thinking.
Gojyo eyed a pair of black boots, “I wonder what size he wears.”
Hakkai shook his head, “I’m not sure. Goku wears a 10 ½ .”
Gojyo nodded, “I’m a 12. You’re…” He knitted his brow. “What?”
“Eleven.”
Gojyo cut his eyes to the ceiling as he thought for a moment. “Sanzo’s foot is smaller than Goku’s.”
“Yes, but not by much. However, it is narrower.”
He looked at Hakkai. He loved that flushed look to that skin and the befuddled by urges look on his lover’s face. “10 narrow , ya think?” He was teasing Hakkai into a frenzy, he just knew it.
“That seems about right.”
They grabbed a few articles for their traveling companions and headed off to linens. Gojyo wanted a top sheet; a fitted sheet just wouldn‘t do. Silk would be rather nice there was no way he‘d get that lucky, he just knew it.
They found a maroon set of silk sheets. Gojyo looked over at Hakkai, “This will look great under those green eyes.”
Hakkai knitted his eyebrows. “You’re killing me with curiosity here.”
Gojyo laughed.
Hakkai knitted his brow, “Have you seen the bedroom yet? There are linens on the bed.”
Gojyo smirked. He hadn’t seen the bedroom yet. Which was odd, that was normally the first place he checked out when they went somewhere new. “Hakkai, my sweet, sweet innocent Hakkai, these aren’t for sleeping.”
Hakkai blinked.
Gojyo leaned into his lover, “These are for rubbing on your body.”
Hakkai smiled, “We already have pieces of fabric.”
Gojyo softly shook his head, “I need the whole sheet. So, tell me what is this bedroom like?”
Hakkai nibbled his bottom lip. Nothing else had changed since he left, why should this? “Well if it is the same, it’s a four post bed of sorts.”
That made Gojyo one happy water sprite, “Go on.”
“The posts are made from small tree trunks with the bark still on them. Lacquered of course. The support “limbs” are very strong. No screws. All locking wood work and wedging support.”

There’ll be screws alright, just not metal ones. Gojyo nipped at Hakkai’s ear and whispered, “So, what you’re telling me, Lover, is that the furniture in there is very strong.”
Hakkai couldn’t speak an affirmative sounding breath left him.
Gojyo snickered. That was an invitation to tie-up someone if he ever heard one. Suddenly, he was aware of his own arousal --- maybe Hakkai wasn’t the only one being worked into a frenzy. That fitted sheet wasn’t so useless. He’d never experienced such a strong desire to completely dominate his partner before. Oh sure, he’d craved dominance before, but not like this. He blinked and briefly wondered why he was feeling such a strong desire to have so much control. He noticed a fading bruise around his wrist and wondered no more. He glanced at Hakkai and thought he was the luckiest man alive for having such an understanding partner.
He now understood the real reason behind Hakkai wanting to use a blindfold last night. Hakkai wanted to put Gojyo “back there” without putting him fully “back there” as if he was saying “this terrible thing happened to you, but similar experiences need not be bad.”
One can experience nearly similar experiences one instance in a safe environment the other in a questionable or known unsafe environment and the experiences end up being extremely different.
He dropped everything in his hands without a care and cupped his lover’s face. Crimson eyebrows softly knitted, “Hakkai,” he whispered, “thank you for vouchsafing me this day.”
Hakkai smiled, “Forward.”
Gojyo pressed a firm kiss upon his lover’s lips.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Goku had his nose nestled deeply within Sanzo’s neck and tan fingers twisted into blonde hair. The fan had been tossed to the side long since forgotten.
Sanzo blinked at the exposed beam ceiling and winced as Goku’s teeth evoked a deep fire within him. The feeling of the smaller man’s weight bearing down on him and the warmth from the brunette engulfing him provoked a soft moan from light pink lips. Porcelain hands pulled from behind blonde hair and twisted in to Goku’s waistband. He arched his back and pulled his lover’s hips closer trying to encourage his lover.
Goku smiled against that radiant skin, “Patience, Priest.”
Sanzo was just reminded of who he was and how he was not suppose to be participating much less enjoying such activities. Expressly forbidden. Specifically not allowed.
Goku softly chuckled as the urgent moan lifted into his ears. Goku shifted his hands to Sanzo’s nipples and began to roll them between his fingers.
Warm streaks shot through the blonde man and he let out a harsh hiss. His fingers tugged at Goku’s pants and his hips rocked trying to relieve some of the building pressure from between his legs.
Goku pulled his head back, “Am I going to have to restrain you again. I said patience.”
Violet eyes narrowed. Goku wouldn’t pull that shit again, would he?
Lips curled under golden eyes as Goku pulled Sanzo’s leather belt from denim belt loops. The supple black leather slid between Goku’s fingers, “Two infractions, really, you know better. Tsk. Tsk.”
A blonde eyebrow lifted. He wouldn’t dare. Sanzo cried out as the leather slapped against his skin.
Goku would dare and he just did. He chuckled as he saw the clean red streak run up Sanzo’s stomach and onto his chest. The folded leather felt warm in his hand, “You cried out on the first try. It seems I found the right pressure.”
Sanzo sucked his teeth, “That shit stung.”
“It was suppose to.” Goku leaned forward with his nose just off Sanzo’s. Mock sympathy resonated in his voice, “Oh, I’m sorry was that too hard?” He shifted and ran his tongue the length of the streak.
Sanzo sharply gasped and hissed as wet warmth chased dry heat.
Goku lightly kissed Sanzo’s lips and whispered, “Or can’t you take it?”
Sanzo gritted his teeth, “Fuck you, I’m not fragile.”
Goku rested back on Sanzo’s hips intentionally grinding against his lover’s very evident arousal. “Really, let’s find your breaking point, shall we? Start counting, Priest.”
*slap*
Sanzo gritted his teeth, “That shit was weak.”
Goku lifted and eyebrow, “Really? Your skin says otherwise.”
*slap*
Golden eyes narrowed slightly. “Count.”
*slap*
Goku waited, “I said count.”
*slap”
Goku sucked his teeth, “We stay at one until you start counting.”
Violet eyes glared.
Golden eyes held steadfast.
The monkey was determined to give the monk exactly what he wanted even when he didn’t know he wanted it.
“One.”
Goku grinned and leaned over. He whispered, “You will live. I will make you. I am not letting you hide within yourself.” He sat back, “You’re too important to me, Sanzo.”
Sanzo slowly blinked as he looked up at the sincere face that hosted golden eyes. He slowly lifted a hand as cupped it around Goku’s cheek.
Goku wrapped his fingers over Sanzo’s and closed his eyes. He took a moment to press that rare gentle touch to his cheek. He turned his face and placed a light kiss against Sanzo’s wrist.
Sanzo was feeling now. He was feeling a myriad of things --- a jumbling warm mixture of emotions and sensations that made him wonder how he could have ever questioned the validity of these moments with Goku. A tiny smile slipped from under stoic ice.
Golden eyes lifted as warm radiant light lifted to him. He returned the smile. “I love you too, Sanzo.”
Violet eyes rolled, “Tsk. I said no such thing.” Love the harbinger of pain and suffering. What a malicious, conniving, deceitful emotion that was.
Goku sighed, “No, but I heard it.” He pulled Sanzo’s hand from his cheek and pushed it into the carpet. “Two instances of rushing things, and now out of line touching ---that would total three infractions. You’re really racking them up, Priest.”
Violet eyes went wide. “You weren’t reading any normal book in the window.”
“You’re right.”
“I’m going to kill Hakkai.”
“Four infractions. Like to live dangerously do you?”
*slap*
“Two.”
*slap”
“Three”. Hot streaks shot up Sanzo’s stomach. Damn! When did Goku learn to manipulate leather?
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How Gojyo managed to make it back to the cabin without bending Hakkai over some felled tree he’ll never know. They tossed the goodies for their friends and their other bags on the couch. Gojyo grabbed Hakkai by the waist.
He put Hakkai’s hands on the side of the couch and his fingers twisted into brunette locks. He pulled and lifted Hakkai’s face.
Emerald eyes looked directly out a bay window.
Gojyo whispered, “Stay just like that.”
He turned to their packs and pulled out their bag.
He stepped up behind Hakkai and slipped his hands under his lover’s shirt, “I’m terribly sorry. I had planned to do a lot more to get to this point, but I have to do something if I am going to last the day.”
Emerald eyes went wide as fleece pants were slipped down over his hips.
Gojyo popped the cap on the tube of lubricant and spread some of the cool slick gel on his fingers. He coated his throbbing erection as he pushed Hakkai’s shirt up his back. He kissed Hakkai’s skin as he whispered, “Relax and hang on.”
Pleasure shot through Hakkai and ran down his arms and legs. He felt the heat rise up between his legs and then his feeling of confinement sharply increased. He cried out. The cock-bondage around him prevented him from expanding as his member tried to fill with blood. This ached. This confined him. This felt deliciously different. He hissed, “You sly little….” He realized he would not complete release like this.
Gojyo shifted his hips and pressed the head of his cock against his lover’s private threshold. “Yes, I know.” He twisted a hand around and cupped his lover’s firm, but flaccid plastic encased package. “Kind of aches doesn’t it?”
Hakkai nodded. He here was leaning against a couch looking out a window. His hands and feet were free. His trusted was lover behind him. And yet, he felt restrained as his body struggled against thin plastic. Granted, layers of thin plastic, but thin plastic nonetheless. Hakkai turned his face to glance at Gojyo, “Yes, not too bad.”
Gojyo slipped a hand to Hakkai’s neck and turned his lover’s head, “Eyes,” he paused, “forward,” he paused again, “I want you to watch the snow fall as I fuck you.”
Hakkai blinked as white flakes fell behind a clear glass veil.
Gojyo shifted one hand to Hakkai’s shoulder as his other hand continued to cup his lover, “I want to hear you say something.”
Hakkai nibbled his bottom lip.
He slid his hand from Hakkai‘s shoulder. “I didn’t hear it.” He quickly popped the back of his fingers against the side of the apple of Hakkai’s ass.
Hakkai released sharp breath. The smack didn’t hurt at all it was just surprising.
“I want to hear something.”
Hakkai smiled. He was submitting to Gojyo today, but he didn’t have to make therapy easy. People only appreciate what they work for --- Hakkai knew this.
Gojyo tightened his hand around Hakkai’s confined member. “Don’t make me hurt you, Emerald.” Gojyo’s voice was firm and solid.
Hakkai let out a small whimper as the pressure between his legs slowly increased.
Gojyo again firmed up his touch and popped his fingers against Hakkai -- this time with a little more force. “I want to hear something.”
Hakkai gasped; that pop stung slightly and the ache was teetering on pain.
Gojyo whispered softly against Hakkai’s back as he returned his hand to his lover’s shoulder, “Please, don’t make me hurt you, Hakkai.”
Hakkai softly smiled. That was a true plea if he’d ever heard one. He slowly spoke, “Fuck me, Gojyo.” His cheeks washed with a tantalizing blush.
Gojyo was relieved and a bit bothered that he couldn‘t see what he was sure was an adorable blush. He didn’t mind Hakkai pushing the line of defiance that increased the fun; however, they were entrenched in this day long scene and he honestly did not want to have to hurt his lover. He rubbed the head of his cock against Hakkai’s threshold, “How?”
Hakkai moaned, “Hard.”
“And?”
“Fast.”
Gojyo grinned. Hakkai truly did relish in a good hard fuck. He supposed his lover was seeking an impetus for letting go. He shifted his hips and pushed into his lover. He felt Hakkai’s body proffer slight resistance to him and then accept him so suddenly he was nearly pulled him in. He pulled on Hakkai’s shoulder and the two men met in the middle of the stroke.
Hakkai’s mouth flew open as he gasped the entire time of initial penetration. Once again he felt his lover’s girth filling him and probing him in the most intimate ways. Now, he felt two contrasting and yet equally powerful sensations --- confined and wide-open.
Gojyo pressed his forehead between Hakkai’s shoulder blades and softly panted as they reached the point of being as close as two people could physically be. He paused to enjoy the feel of his lover around him, the gentle quakes and internal tremors as Hakkai’s body became accustomed to the loving invasion. He felt the sweet cues from his lover’s body and heard the deep acceptance in Hakkai’s breath. He whispered, “Hang on.”
Hakkai’s fingers gripped into the side of the couch.
Gojyo backed his hips. Using his grip against Hakkai’s private binds and his lover’s shoulder as leverage he crashed into his emerald harbor.
Emerald eyes tried to focus as his world was sent jarring and spinning. The room jerked around him and brown bangs bounced on his forehead.
Crimson strands whipped around Gojyo’s face as the sound of flesh slapping together lifted to his ears.
Five fingernails raked down Hakkai’s back and the emerald eyed man cried out.
Gojyo curled his hand around Hakkai’s hip and if Hakkai thought this was a hard fuck before --- he’d better watch out. Gojyo began working through some latent issues --- totally unexpectedly.
Hakkai’s hands slipped from the arm rest of the couch and his palms pushed into the seat cushion.
Gojyo controlled who touched his body.
Hakkai’s head dipped between his arms. He had no choice but to lift up on his toes.
Gojyo owned his body. No one had the right to do things to him anymore.
Hakkai squeezed his eyes shut and cried out. He felt his bones shifting in his body. The grip around his bound cock began to hurt.
Gojyo wasn’t some object someone could just pick up off the street.
Light tan fingers curled against a black leather cushion. Emerald eyes began to water as he felt the anger flow through his lover.
Gojyo didn’t deserve to be hurt like that.
Hakkai’s head rolled back as his face strained through a silent cry. The sensations inside his body gripped his chest and stopped his sound. This was getting a bit too rough.
Gojyo was not to be forced to do anything.
Hakkai felt his legs start to shake. A scarred stomach quivered. Light tan arms trembled. Emerald eyes fluttered back as Hakkai experience the first releaseless orgasm of his life. His pleasure induced scream bounced of the leather and washed down his body. Pain and pleasure twisted inside of him --- this was one of those times where he felt everything all at once.
The harbor shook around the salvage. Gojyo heard the call home and was snapped out of his therapy. His mind flashed white as healing euphoria exploded within him and some latent anger left him. He crashed against Hakkai’s back
Hakkai loudly whimpered as he felt his lover’s hot essence surge inside of him. Emotionally and physically he was nearly overwhelmed.
As soon as Gojyo could hold a thought, trepidation cascaded down him. “Emerald.” He panted against a light tan back, “Did I hurt you?” Please say no, please say no, please say no, please say no.

Hakkai’s body finally figured out that lungs are for breathing and a soft, “No” left him. Salacious didn’t even touch his mood this was deeper --- having had experienced ecstasy without release was torment. He was down right licentious.
Gojyo wrapped his arms around Hakkai’s chest and pulled his lover up. He kissed his beloved demon’s neck, “I’m so sorry. I don’t know where that came from. I -- I --I ….” He lost his words.
Hakkai patted Gojyo’s arms and felt his abdomen quiver as sweat rolled down his stomach, “My sweet satyr, I was expecting this.”
Gojyo squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his forehead into Hakkai’s shoulder. If he so much as bruised his lover, he’d never forgive himself. He kissed his love’s skin, “I suppose I still need some ‘therapy‘.”
Hakkai smiled, “Gojyo, you didn’t hurt me.” Not for any real length of time. A full body tremor rumbled through him.
Gojyo felt his lover run through an aftershock and he smiled, “You really do like a good hard fuck, don’t you?”
Hakkai squeezed his eyes shut and dipped his head. “Oh, you.” His blush made his eyes burn. Why did Gojyo just have to call him out like that?
Gojyo lightly kissed Hakkai as his lover quivered again, “Are you ready for me too --”
“No, not yet.”
Gojyo gently squeezed the brunette and patiently waited for his lover to be ready for withdrawal.
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*slap*
Sanzo yelled, “Twenty-nine!” Sanzo’s hips bucked off the carpet and Goku went tumbling. His body was on fire. That monkey didn’t know his own strength. Heat seared through his veins. His skin tingled all over, his body hummed. He was feeling now.
Goku shook his head and smiled. He scanned his lover. That lily white abdomen was crossed with swathes of pink, red and speckled with maroon.
Sanzo sat up and pushed his fingers through his hair. Even his hair felt hot. He panted a few times and violet eyes lifted. “Are you going to fuck me or just sit there?”
Goku grinned as those piercing eyes cut through blonde bangs. “Just sit here.”
“Like hell.” Sanzo rolled forward and quickly had Goku trapped between his body and the carpet.
Goku looked up at Sanzo and smiled, “This is new.” He pointed a finger and ran it up irritated flesh.
Sanzo’s eyes slammed shut and his back arched as a long gasp left him. After recovering from his nearly blissful breath, violet eyes sought out gold, “I told you to not expect to get away with that shit.”
Goku smirked, “One thing you have taught me is tenacity.”
Sanzo crashed forward and pressed his lips against Goku’s. Sanzo set forth to give back some of this fire. Lips crushed and Sanzo’s tongue took Goku’s.
Golden eyes popped open and then slowly closed, a small framed body writhed and whimpered.
Sanzo froze. Something suddenly felt very wrong. As that small body writhed and whimpered under him and those nimble fingers teased his inflamed skin the five years between them expanded.
Goku wasn’t even old enough to drink and he’d just learned to add.
Sanzo pushed with his arms and lifted off Goku. He dove into those golden eyes seeking the man he saw not but fifteen minutes ago.
Goku knitted his brow. “What’s wrong?”
Sanzo blinked as the recently changed voice lifted into his ears. That face looked young. Those shoulders looked young. That neck looked young. Where was that bulk he saw during the snowball fight? He sat back on his shins.
Goku sighed and placed a hand on his own stomach. The other hand rested on Sanzo’s hand. “I’m eighteen Sanzo! For crying out loud!” They’d been here before one night long ago. He’d teased Sanzo to the point of flipping him on his back. Goku thought that night, just like he did this afternoon, that Sanzo was going to take charge for once. As a “this is wrong” conversation came to pass, he realized he was mistaken that night. He hoped after taking so much control for so long, after behaving so dominantly so consistently -- he’d shown Sanzo that it broke no ethical grounds for the blonde to express latent desires.
Sanzo tilted his head. Eighteen. Was he, really? That hand on his looked young. Shouldn’t mental age play a just as important role? Wasn’t this the same face that pleads for meat buns? Sanzo’s stomach twisted and he felt the need to bathe. He closed his eyes trying to block his desires from reaching the surface.
Sanzo slowly stood. “Don’t tempt me, Goku, I’m not that strong.”
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Hakkai and Gojyo sat on the bed fully clothed. Gojyo wiggled an eyebrow as he ripped open the package containing the sheets.
Hakkai looked at Gojyo’s “bag of tricks” sitting beside his lover, “It’s been a while since we’ve seen that.”
Gojyo sheepishly grinned, “Yeah, I restocked it a good while ago.” He shrugged, “Hoping, ya know.”
Hakkai softly smiled, “How …” his voice trailed off. It wasn’t important.
Gojyo knitted his brow as he fished out the scissors, “I didn’t know. It was just hope that a certain green-eyed someone special might share it with me.”
Hakkai let out a little chuckle. That wasn’t his pending question, but it would suffice.
Gojyo knitted his brow, “I answered the wrong question. Don’t look so surprised, I know that chuckle. You’ve got a wide variety of chuckles, that one is a cover up. Go ahead ask.”
Hakkai’s mouth moved briefly before words came from him, “How long ---”
“Nine and a half inches, ya wanna know girth?” Gojyo laughed.
Hakkai pushed a hand to his face and chuckled, “That’s not what I was asking.” Hakkai sighed, “Anyways, I’m well versed with your equipment.”
“Seriously, go on.”
“How long had you been interested in me?”
Gojyo looked up at the exposed beam ceiling, “Too be honest, I’m not really sure.” It was longer than he could recall. “It was real gradual. Hard to pin down.”
Hakkai nodded, “Same here.”
Gojyo’s face softened. Hakkai shared without being questioned. Maybe Hakkai was really trying -- honestly trying to further open up. “Would you cut the fitted sheet in strips about…” He held up his hands, “yea wide. Cut the sheet length-wise.”
Hakkai nodded and closed the scissors for the first cut.
*rrrruuummmmbbbb* *snip*
Gojyo closed his eyes.
…..The smell of her perfume grew stronger as she came closer. He felt the cool blade slide against his skin and heard the *rrrruuummmmbbbb* *snip* of the shears. He felt his clothing go loose. He knew his clothing was getting cut from his body…..
Gojyo took in a deep breath and opened his eyes. He reached out his hand, “Here, on second thought, let me do it.”
Hakkai nodded, “Ok.” He looked at the second pair of scissors, “Can I help?”
Gojyo smiled, “Sure.” You already have more than you’ll ever know. There was nothing wrong with a little help from your friends.
Hakkai started with the opposite corner that Gojyo had, “Do you want to talk about it?”
Gojyo shrugged, “We’ve already talked about it. That night you were fine and not cold.”
Hakkai sheepishly grinned, “I’m willing to listen again. If you want to.”
Gojyo blinked, “Does this place have a radio?”
Hakkai nodded. “This puppy is wired for sound.”
A crimson eyebrow lifted as a strip of silk was placed upon another, “Wired for sound? Did that just come out of your mouth?”
Hakkai felt the blood leave his face.
Gonou laughed, “You’re slipping.”
Hakkai stood from the bed, “Do you want me to flip on the radio?”
Gojyo nodded, “Suppose we can’t get the station we got back east.”
“No, but one with a similar format.”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Merciful Goddess laughed as she wiggled a finger. That radio station just experienced an unexpected format change, “Oh, Jiroshin, this is working out so much better than I thought!”
Jiroshin rolled his eyes. Whatever. He heard her voice in his head. “Of all the gods in heaven, I’m the one that saw this coming“. He finally spoke, “Yes, my lady.”
She blinked at the pond, “Have you ever been skiing?”
Jiroshin clenched his teeth, “That would be insane. Why do mortals want to stand on sticks and hurl themselves down a hill toward trees. Hard trees?”
She rolled her eyes, “Because it is fun.”
Jiroshin sighed. Is my Will ready? Can I die? Will it hurt when I hit a tree?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hakkai walked into the living area and blushed when he saw his boxers. Why was he so brazen in the shower room at the inn and so reserved now? He opened the recessed wooden doors over the fireplace and smiled.
A television, a DVD/VCR comb, and a balls-to-the-wall sweet Bose slim stereo system smiled back at him.
He didn’t even need to think; his hands knew the equipment by heart.
The music began.

“Remembering me

discover and see,

all over the world

she’s know as a girl

to those who are free

the mind shall be key

forgotten as the past

'cause history will last!”

Hakkai turned toward the bedroom and Hakuryuu peeped.
The white dragon hovered by the door. Time for a parameter check.

Hakkai smiled, “Want to go play?” He opened the door.
Hakuryuu flew outside. Play, please. Oh no, Mr. Business, Mr. Honor and Duty, Mr. Gotta Protect the Marshal didn’t love snow. He wasn’t just waiting for the lethargy from their rough arrival to lift. Hakuryuu wheeled and spun as the flakes fluttered around him. All the while convincing himself this was a parameter check.
He was a young dragon. He didn’t have to be King right this very second. The Marshal was in the safest hands possible. No one would fault him, because no one would see him. He wouldn’t dare do this if he thought one of his kind was around here.
Hakkai sat back down on the bed as the chorus kicked in.
“God is a girl, wherever you are

do you believe it can you receive it?

God is a girl, what ever you say

do you believe it can you receive it?

God is a girl, however you live

do you believe it can you receive it?

God is a girl, she's only a girl,

do you believe it can you receive it?”
What a coincidence this just happened to be a certain someone’s favorite song.
A laugh rumbled through the halls of heaven as she jumped to her feet and began to dance without a care in the worlds. Brown hair flew around her. Her jewelry clanked and her bosom nearly fell out.
She was going nuts.
Jiroshin hid his face in his hands.
Gojyo sucked his teeth. “This song sucks”
Jiroshin had to hold her back. Her fist jerked in the air, “Kenren! Suck my ---.” He wrapped his fingers around her mouth.
Hakkai chuckled, “Well, the station back east sucked too.” I’m trying. I really am.

Gojyo chuckled, “Every now and then they played a good song.” He sat the scissors down. He blinked at Hakkai. Sucked? You really are trying.

Gojyo scanned the room. The bed was how Hakkai described. A king-sized, pillow-topped mattress and for all practical and not-so-practical purposes it was a four-post bed. A very strong, sturdy four post bed. Oh yeah, someone was getting tied up spread fucking eagle.
The bedding was topped with a dark, tan, virgin-wool blanket. One wall was practically all window ---- a huge double-hung window with a half-moon window above it. They had the most beautiful view of the over-look. A door led to a walk-in closet and the walls had wonderful landscape pictures.
Hakkai noticed Gojyo eyeing a picture. He pulled off his shirt and sat up on his elbows.
That picture could wait! The flesh and blood artwork before him could not.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sanzo stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray. He pushed a hand to his bangs.
Goku sat on the couch just looking at the blonde.
He gripped his forehead as violet eyes squeezed shut. What’s wrong with me? This couldn’t be normal. Running hot and cold -- like there was some kind of light switch inside of him and someone kept flipping it. God damn it! Why couldn’t he just find some kind of comfortable middle? Why couldn’t he just be in that realm of normal? Did he spend too long running on pure anger? Did he carry too much spite to see beauty at all?
Goku shifted in his seat and put his hand on Sanzo’s thigh.
Sanzo curled his fingers around Goku’s hand without having to think about it.
Golden eyes blinked, “Talk to me; tell me what’s going on.”
Violet eyes soaked up golden ones in an askance look.
Goku sighed, “Are you back on that I’m too young kick?”
Violet eyes shifted to the fireplace.
“Damn it, Sanzo, I’m not a kid!”
Sanzo sighed.
“We’re going after gods, for crying out loud, shouldn’t I be allowed to get laid?”
A blonde eyebrow lifted. He was going to have to start limiting Goku’s time with Gojyo. “You’re not even old enough to drink.”
Goku sucked his teeth, “That depends on how you count it, doesn’t it?”
Sanzo blinked.
“If you’re only counting the time I remember, then yeah, I’m not suppose to kick back a beer.”
Sanzo swallowed and gritted his teeth. Definitely limiting his time with Gojyo.
“Yeah, sometimes I’m a bit immature. So is Gojyo and, honestly, sometimes you and Hakkai act your age instead of 15 years older.” He sighed. “But, I’m old enough to know what I’m doing and I’m old enough to consent.”
Sanzo blinked and looked at his hand over Goku’s.
Goku lifted their hands and Sanzo’s eyes followed. “When I first talked to you about Lirin and me, you supported me. Hell, you encouraged me. You told me I was growing up and needed to experience certain things.”
Sanzo nodded. He did say that. Well, what do you know? Sometimes the monkey listens.
Goku kissed the back of Sanzo’s hand and slowly stood. “Shouldn’t this be something I get to continue to experience?” He put a layer of kindling in the fireplace. “Ya know Sanzo, if you don’t ever want to share a game of cards with me again, I can live with that.” He put a split log on the fireplace, “I won’t like it, but I’ll deal with it. But this --- you and me --- don’t you take that away from me.” He looked over his shoulder at Sanzo. “Sometimes I just need someone to hold on to and I want you to be that someone.”
Sanzo brought his hand to his mouth and blinked. A subtle knitting softened his brow. Deny Goku something? Deny him something important -- something he truly needed? Was that what he was thinking? Was that the end game of his logic plays?
Goku turned and put another log on the fire, “I really like what we have. I like the fact that it is relaxed and fun. I like being there for you and I like you being there for me. You’ll find out that I won’t let go of that so easily.” Because I know you need it more than I do. He eyed the logs and kindling in the fireplace. “I’m not stupid --”
Sanzo finally spoke, “No, you’re not. You lack exposure.”
Goku nodded, “That’s why I flip back and forth so much. There are simply a lot of things I don’t know.” He reached his hand back, “Hand me your lighter, will ya?”
Sanzo handed him the lighter.
Goku started lighting the fire, “Thanks. You guys have done a real good job of teaching me things and letting me experience things.” He looked over his shoulder, “I’ve changed a lot since that day you pulled me from that cave. Sometimes, I go back, but without fail you save me. Without fail you still have my heart and soul. You captured it that day and you still have it. Now, what are you going to do with it? The play is yours, you have the ball.”
Sanzo relaxed into the couch and blinked up at the ceiling. Goku had changed a lot since that day. The guy had gone from learning to read to being hunted by gods in just a few years. Were any of them as mature as they wanted to believe they were? Really? No, they all had their moments where they just let go and shocked the shit out of each other.
Goku’s life wasn’t much different from any of theirs -- just more compact. They’d all been forced to grow up to quickly. Sanzo was the oldest at 23, damn it! They were all too damn young to be acting this damn old. They all had a lot left to experience. In a way they were all naïve, even Hakkai.
Goku shifted to his knees on the rug in front of Sanzo, “I’m still trying to figure out who I am. I’m going to fall flat on my face, but I like knowing that you let me make my own mistakes and I find it very comforting that you have been and always will be there to help me back to my feet.”
Sanzo worried his bottom lip. That was basically it, wasn’t it? All of them were just trying to find out who they were. Testing different sets of legs until they found a pair that would work. Until the right pair came along. There was one huge difference between Goku --- and Sanzo, Hakkai and Gojyo. The “older” ones were a few feet a head of Goku. They had a sense of history.
Hakkai, Sanzo and Gojyo had something that acted like a home life while they were learning to walk. The stories varied and the situations weren’t all that warm and fuzzy, but it provided a semblance of a foundation. A foundation upon which an identify could be formed, built, changed and molded. Each of them had gone through and were still going through phases, but the core being was there.
Goku was perhaps the saddest of them all. He had no such semblance. He had no such foundation.
Goku was completely cut off -- totally isolated and left to his own devices and logic.
As horrid and heartbreaking as they were at least the “older” three had memories. Goku didn’t even have that.
Goku’s story was so sad , so heartbreaking that the golden eyed man-child didn’t even know he should be sad. He didn’t know he should be frustrated. He didn’t know he had the right to lash out and be angry. He didn’t know he should curse the gods.
No, the churning mixture inside of Goku was such that he had no choice but to take things as they came. To live in the here and now. To revel in the ephemeral nature of life. To just roll with it. Goku wasn’t stupid; he was ignorant of many things -- there is a huge difference.
Sanzo sighed. Could he fault Goku for simply not having experienced things? Could he hold that against him --- for not even knowing he should be bitter? Was it right to deny the younger one the experiences of life that would raise him to the level that he wanted to be? The level they all wanted to be?
No, he could not.
Sanzo leaned forward and cupped Goku’s head in his hands, “I’m sorry.” He pressed a kiss against those budding lips and coaxed the man on to his back.
They were going to have an experience. They were going to play a game of cards.
Sanzo was going to deal.

Only Goku could make Sanzo so tractable.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[The radio station disk jockey, who happened to be female, made an announcement about the storm. She grumbled something about the conditions at Blanctic being poor for skiing --- the snow was too wet and heavy. The snow is expected to continue to fall for several more days and people are encouraged to stay inside. She decided to play a few songs to encourage people to stay indoors. The next song started:

Awww touch me.

This is the night.

Awww touch me.

I wanna feel your body. ]

Gojyo hovered over Hakkai. Crimson strands hung down skirting the emerald eyed man’s face. Gojyo softly smiled as he curled an arm around Hakkai’s face and his fingers traveled into short brunette strands. He gently squeezed Hakkai’s cheek against his.
Hakkai looked up at the ceiling through a sea of silky crimson.
Gojyo had Hakkai completely naked and tied to the bed. Each hand and foot tethered to the its corresponding bed post. He was thankful that they hadn’t had a four post bed before. Hakkai had been way too reserved for this. This was going to be special time -- in a comfortable special place.
Gojyo whispered, “This is new to you isn’t it?” He stretched his arm back, fisted his collar and pulled his shirt off his shoulders. He shook his hair free and tossed the garment to the floor.
Hakkai nodded, “Yes.”
Gojyo hadn’t actually “tied” Hakkai’s wrist. He used a bird’s beak slipknot near the flesh, intertwined the strands into a tether and then tied the ends around the posts. This had its benefits and its drawbacks.
Gojyo gently kissed his captured lover’s cheek and whispered, “If something happens we can quickly get you out, but silk slips. As you pull against your binds, and trust me you will, the knots with tighten. If your fingers start to go numb or get cold you have to tell me. You must tell me.”
Hakkai nodded, “I will.”
Gojyo back his head and dove into that emerald sea, “Promise me, Emerald, you’ll tell me. If your hips or shoulders start to hurt or if your toes or fingers get cold -- you have to tell me. I don‘t want to hurt you.”
Hakkai smiled. When had Gojyo become so protective? “I promise.”
Gojyo smiled, “Don’t want to hurt you -- too bad.” He cocked an eyebrow.
Hakkai chuckled. “I trust you.”
Gojyo kissed and nipped at Hakkai’s neck. He muttered, “Damn.”
“What is it?”
“I forgot something.” Gojyo rested on his shins between Hakkai’s thighs. He hated this. He didn’t want to leave his bound lover. What if something went awry while his back was turned? What if Hakkai thought he’d left? He didn’t want to violate the trust.
Hakkai lifted an eyebrow, “Well, I’m not going anywhere.” He softly chuckled.
Gojyo knitted his brow, “I’ll be back in less than five minutes. I’m not leaving the cabin, but I have to leave the room.”
Hakkai nodded, “It is ok. I’m fine.”
“You sure?”
“Yes.” Emerald probed Crimson. Gojyo seemed more bothered and worried about this than Hakkai. “Neutral.“
Crimson eyes went wide. He touched Hakkai’s hands, they felt their normal temperature, “Yes, what is it?”
“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”
Gojyo brushed his nose against Hakkai’s, “I want to do this, Lover.”
Hakkai smiled, “Forward.”
Gojyo sat back and brushed his fingers across Hakkai’s toes as he stood, “Less than five minutes.”
Gojyo dashed off toward the bathroom. He wanted Hakkai to hear his voice. He just started talking about the first thing that came to mind, “We cut the strips wide enough so that there would be no marks left on you. At least there shouldn’t be.”
Hakkai glanced at his hands. His light tan skin was encircled by maroon silk as they rested on dark tan wool. “I’m fine, Gojyo.”
“I’m still here.” said the voice from the bathroom. Never, never, NEVER leave a bound lover, shit!

“I know. I heard you open the cabinet and I hear the water running.”
Gojyo wrung out the wash cloth and turned off the water. He rushed onto the bed, “Less than five minutes, like I said.” He looked at the delicious display before him. There was Hakkai totally open, totally exposed and yet totally bound. He tossed his hair over his shoulders and took in a deep breath.
Hakkai looked down his body and smiled at his lover. His fingers curled around the tethers of silk. What was it about seeing that crimson haired man between his legs that was just so damn sexy. “I never doubted you.”
Gojyo softly blinked, “Hey, Tigon?”
“Yes, Liger.”
“Relax and hang on.”
Pleasure shot through Hakkai like a strike of lighting. It ran down his arms and legs. He squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his head into the bedding. Once again his plastic wrap bound member tried to expand and once again it could not. He’d never fully hardened before because of the binds. He was denied release before by the binds and thus was unable to fully “relax” because of the normally thin plastic. Normally thin plastic that felt like it was inches thick.
He’d never look at plastic wrap the same.

[Wanting… Needing …Waiting …For you …to justify my love. ]
His cock ached as it tried to go through its normal response. His back arched from the bed and he cried out.

Gojyo smiled as his lover suddenly became erotically uncomfortable in his own skin. He draped the wet washcloth over his own thigh and reached for the Icy Hot. A very mischievous grin washed across his face. He tossed the cardboard over his shoulder and popped the cap with his thumb. He shifted forward and hovered over his lover. Those emerald eyes screamed for him and he loved it. He waved the tube under Hakkai’s nose.
Penetrating vapors drifted into his senses and his mouth hung slightly open. His brow knitted.
Slowly those vapors reached Gojyo.

…..Her hands met just beneath his nose. She turned the bottle upright and slowly removed the top.
His eyes widened and his heart raced. Alcohol…..

Gojyo shook his head slightly and blinked. He smiled at his emerald harbor.
Gojyo walked kisses down Hakkai’s neck, over his chest and he paused at the nipples. “Seeing how I need to up the ante a bit.” He put a small dab of the white cream on each nipple, rubbed it in, sat back on his shins and waited.

[I just wanna be your lover.]
Hakkai took in a small gentle breath as the coolness of the cream settled into him. Then, the heat slowly started to rise. Emerald eyes grew wide as a sharp breath entered through clenched teeth. Light tan arms and legs went stiff as heat focused on pink points. He pulled against the silk and arched nearly off the bed.
A loud moan carried through the air and into Gojyo’s ears. There had to be six inches between Hakkai’s ass and that mattress. This was fucking hot! Gojyo’s dick reanimated.
Hakkai’s head whipped back and forth. Forced, rushed pants left him. To be bound and yet loose; to be exposed and yet covered; to be restricted and yet free and now adding the focused points of heat mixed with the coolness of the air on his skin -- this was nearly too much. Contradiction crisscrossed through Hakkai. He hissed, “Tsss, Gojyo,” Several pants overtook his voice, “Gojyo… please …unnngghhuu…” he took a few labored breaths, “tssss, please make it stop.”
Gojyo smiled, “It will fade, Emerald. It will fade.” He nibbled his bottom lip. Never had he seen someone this close to loosing their damn mind. Hakkai’s skin wasn’t all that use to a lover’s touch. “Just relax.” He wanted to finish that statement but figured it was just too cruel.
He carefully watched as the initial edge of the heat began to fade and Hakkai relaxed into the bedding. He loved watching the clean lines of that chest heave. The shadow of ribs darkened and softened as Hakkai’s breath labored. Muscles tensed and realized as his lover writhed before him.
Hakkai’s mind began to go fuzzy. The rush of oxygen in his system made him light headed. He was thankful he was bound. If he had urges this strong and was unrestrained, he knew he’d take Gojyo in a way his lover couldn’t be ready for --- not now.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gonou smiled, “You’re slipping.”
Hakkai eyed his human self.
Gonou taunted, “Come on, let me play.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hakkai squeezed his eyes shut. “Gojyo, I can’t take much more.”
Gojyo smiled, “That means we are getting close to a boundary that needs to be surpassed.”
“Oh gods, Gojyo!”
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Porcelain fingers curled around a tan neck as Sanzo trapped his lover to the rug. He coaxed Goku’s head back and ran his tongue down the supple neck.
Goku rolled his head back and arched his back. He pushed his hips into Sanzo’s.
Violet eyes went wide. That was not the cock of an adolescent --- that was the cock of a full grown man. He nipped at the tan shoulder below him as finger’s pressed into his back.
Long fingers danced down tan ribs and slid across a firm stomach.
Goku moaned as his pants were released. He never expected Sanzo’s touch to be so gentle -- so loving. This did not seem to be the man he was beaming with snowballs. This wasn’t the man that hit him with the fan. This touch was lighter and softer. He rolled his head forward and saw radiant blonde hair working its way down his chest. There was only one head of blonde like that in the world. His eyes fluttered back as wet warmth invaded his belly-button.
Sanzo inched Goku’s pants down his hips and shifted as the denim was tossed to the side. He knitted his brow as something thudded against the floor. He whispered brushing his lips against Goku’s stomach, “What do you have in your pocket?”
Goku chuckled, “I was hiding an ace just incase you decided to deal. I figured it would be nice and warm in my pocket.”
Sanzo sucked his teeth and his fingers fished into Goku‘s pocket. He pulled out a small bottle of a clear liquid, “You were planning this, weren’t you?”
Goku shook his head, “No, just hoping for it.” His fingers twisted into blonde stands.
Sanzo lips curled around a hipbone as he twisted the cap to the oil. He poured a bit of the oil on his fingertips and tested the viscosity with his thumb. He poured a bit more -- he didn’t want to hurt the emerging man beneath him. He turned his hand palm up and ran the side of his index finger up Goku’s inner thigh.
Goku took in a soft breath. He couldn’t believe Sanzo was actually doing this.
Sanzo trailed his tongue up the tan abdomen and curled his fingers into short brunette stands. His pinky touched Goku’s other inner thigh. He spread his fingers to encourage the supple legs apart.
He pressed a kiss to Goku cheek and softly whispered, “Don’t let me hurt you.”
Goku kitted his brow, “Sanzo, please!”
Sanzo backed his head and violet probed gold,
Golden eyes rolled, “Sanzo, I’m not fragile.” He smiled, “You’re being so gentle, I’m beginning to think you’re afraid you’ll break me.”
Sanzo nodded, “That is my fear.”
Brown eyebrows knitted. There was a softness to those violet eyes that seemed nearly foreign. Goku softly smiled, he liked this side of Sanzo. He hoped to see it more often.
Sanzo wrapped his arm tightly around Goku’s shoulders and felt the lithe body jerk against him as he brushed his fingertips against Goku’s private domain. “Shh, you have to relax. I don’t want to hurt you.”
Goku was trembling with anticipation. Why didn’t Sanzo just do it already!
He brushed his fingers against his lover again and this time the jerk was sensationally less noticeable.
Goku wiggled beneath Sanzo intentionally irritating that inflamed porcelain skin.
Sanzo hissed as his fingertips massaged his lover.
Goku’s breath hitched in his chest. His feet slid against the faux rug beneath them. “Gods! Sanzo you’re acting like I haven’t received you before.” The anticipation was about to kill him.
Sanzo backed his head and locked his gaze on those large golden eyes. He shifted his hand and slowly pushed his two fingers inside his lover. “You haven’t not like this. Not with my body weight behind it.”
Goku arched his back off the rug and took in a long breath. His eyes closed, rolled his head back, and shifted his hips trying to feel more of his lover’s touch.
Sanzo moved his hand in tandem with Goku’s hips. He wasn’t going any further until he felt that those sinewy muscles relax. He gently squeezed Goku’s shoulders and listened to the adolescent’s breath and felt that heartbeat calm just slightly. He felt his cue and pushed his fingers deeper within his lover.
As Sanzo rocked his hand, Goku dug his fingers into Sanzo’s back. He clenched his teeth and a throaty moan escaped him.
Sanzo closed his eyes and backed his hand. He straightened his ring finger and stretched his lover.
Goku cried out. Half of his body was trying to get away from the heat coursing through him and half of him desperately wanted more.
Sanzo felt Goku writhing beneath him and knew. If the young man couldn’t handle this, then plans needed to be changed. With his fingers deeply seated within his lover, he began asynchronous movements with his fingers.
Golden eyes fluttered back as the swirling mix of sensations reverberated through him. He dug his heels into the rug and pushed his hips up.
Sanzo carried soft butterfly kisses down Goku’s cheek and onto his lover’s tan throat. A very sly grin morphed onto his face as he felt his lover bucking and shifting beneath him. Sanzo parted his lips and washed his hot breath against Goku’s chest.
Goku was one wound up young man -- writhing and bucking --- just fucking himself against Sanzo’s touch.
A light pink tongue darted and traced a glistening line down a tan chest and over a supple stomach. Teeth parted and Sanzo nipped at the tender skin just above curly brown hair.
Goku hissed and slightly jumped. Urgent pants left him and he moaned, “Sanzo! Please!” He gasped as Sanzo’s cheek rubbed the head of his cock.
A porcelain face turned, light pink lips parted and a pale tongue pointed.
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[You let me violate you.]

[You let me desecrate you.]

[You let me penetrate you.]

Gojyo sat on his shins between Hakkai’s squirming thighs. His eyes darted to his bag, there was something in there he’d been wanting -- rather hoping -- to use with this lover for a long time now. Pure luck enabled him to stumble into a shop that carried the rare item before that night of “for a little while“.
Crimson eyes cut back to Hakkai. Watching that tan skin twist and shift under the control of fabric and plastic binds was calling to him.
He cut his eyes to the maroon top sheet --- that too would be fun.

[I wanna fuck you like an animal.]

[I wanna feel you from the inside.]
Hakkai released a loud moan as sweat rolled back into the short hair above his ears.
Gojyo smiled. So much to do, so much creativity to experience, so many boundaries to expand ---- he sighed. The way that snow was falling they were definitely getting a week here. Some of this could wait until next time. He had a lover that needed his skills -- his breathtaking skills. And, needed them now.
He picked up the paramedic scissors and slid the cold metal against Hakkai’s hot flushed skin. He softly spoke as he snipped the two pieces of plastic that crossed low on Hakkai’s hip, “This may hurt at first.” He curled his fingers under the plastic and quickly removed the binds.
Hakkai’s mouth flew open. His blood was finally able to reach where it had been denied and it stormed through his veins halting at the destination. He hardened so quickly it hurt. His voice finally disimprisoned itself from his chest and he yelled. He yelled a vowel laden cry that made his chest vibrate. His mind flashed black and then white. The world quickly disappeared and then slowly returned. Once again he jerked off the mattress as moisture began to gather in the far corners of emerald eyes.
Gojyo quickly hovered over Hakkai being careful to not touch his lover and whispered, “Pant, Hakkai, pant through it.”
Hakkai finally yelled out the available air in his lungs and took in a sharp breath through his teeth.
“Pant, Lover, pant.”
Rapid sharp breaths began shifting in and out of him, Hakkai slowly returned to the mattress. He blinked and moisture traveled into his ears.
Gojyo pressed a kiss in the center of Hakkai’s shifting chest, “Lover, there is only one thing I can say to prepare you for what will happened next.”
Hakkai couldn’t speak his mind was reeling, his head was spinning and his whole body tingled.
Gojyo continued as he walked kisses down a light tan heaving stomach, “Ya know how your skin gets real sensitive when you remove a band-aid. …”
Hakkai yelled once again and emerald eyes flew open as he was taken by warm, wet heat. Gojyo’s lips and tongue attacked him as he scrambled against the mattress. He wanted away and he didn’t dare leave. He swam in sensations that kept blurring between not enough and too much. He yanked on his binds. His head whipped side to side. He dug his heels into the mattress and bucked.
Gojyo relaxed and let Hakkai slip deeper into his throat. He wormed one hand up his lover’s abdomen and tilted his head side to side as he backed this oral stroke. His free hand sought out the wash cloth. He draped it over two fingers and ran the now cool wet cloth up his lover’s inner thigh.
Hakkai began to tremble under the sensations and the pressure of keeping himself capped. Light, wet, cool, flicks brushed against his threshold and he nearly ripped the silk holding his hands. “Gojyo!”
Crimson eyes flicked up and he watched Hakkai begin to go fucking nuts. This’ll teach ya to let yourself go when I can’t see it. “Let go for me, Hakkai. The quicker you let go the easier it will be on you.”
Hakkai’s face clenched and tendons stood out on his neck as he clamored for self-control.
Gojyo backed his head, “Cum for me Hakkai, I want to taste you.” He pushed his nose against curly brunette hair.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gonou looked at Hakkai, “He wants you to let go.”
“No!” Hakkai glared at his human self.
Gonou walked up to Hakkai and stood toe to toe with the demon, “He wants to taste you. He wants your essence. He wants your core. He --- wants --- me. Now, give him what he wants!”
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Hakkai slammed his eyes shut and yelled.
Gojyo pressed his cloth covered fingers against Hakkai’s opening.
Hakkai’s yelled got cut off in his own throat. He held his breath as nearly impossible heat tried to stretch through him. Coolness and heat, freedom and confinement, pleasure and pain as twisted and tumbled inside of him. He couldn’t hold a thought now if he wanted to.
“Cum for me.” Gojyo pressed his cloth covered fingers into Hakkai -- just up to the first knuckle being sure to keep his lover in the heat -- in the most intense part ---of the stretch. He surrounded his lover in gentle wet warmth while he quickly and firmly jerked his fingers side to side.
Hakkai took in a sharp breath and his arms shook. The endorphins finally hit a level that could cut through Hakkai’s chemical resistance and he left himself. He was surrounded in white nothingness. He could feel nothing but raw pleasure and bellowed, “Fuck! Shit! Fuck!”

Hakkai just let go.

Or was that Gonou?

.

Hakkai didn’t even know.

Crimson eyes went wide as he felt Hakkai go into near convulsions beneath his lips. He pushed his nose into brown curly hair and felt the tang of essence of Hakkai wash his mouth and throat. He slowly rolled his tongue along the underside of his lover and gently coaxed the green-eyed man from euphoria. Knowing that Hakkai was particularly sensitive right now, he used extreme caution when he backed his fingers from his lover.
What feels incredibly good before orgasm can be unbearable afterwards.
Hakkai released a long whimper and tried to find his body. He tired to feel his legs, arms, hands and feet.
Gojyo released the silk binds and watched as his lover went limp -- completely spent. Dark tan hands sought out light tan ones and Gojyo gently rubbed his lover’s fingers as he smiled, “That was awesome. I nearly came myself.”

[You know I never.

I never seen you look so good.

You never act the way you should.

But, I like it! ]
Hakkai couldn’t respond. Someone had taken his tongue right out of his mouth. It couldn’t be there -- he didn’t feel it.
Gojyo lifted an eyebrow as Hakkai “suffered” through several all body shudders. Tan hands slid between soft wool and light tan shoulders. “I love you,” he whispered against Hakkai’s neck. With his shins between light tan thighs, he scooped the demon up in his arms.
Hakkai’s head and arms rolled back like a rag-doll. The back of his hands slid along the soft wool and his arms angled up to his shoulders which were lifted by Gojyo’s embrace. The top of the flesh and bone pyramid was adorned with dark brunette strands and shocked emerald eyes.
Gojyo smiled, “Lover, are you in there?”
A weak, “Uh-huh,” left Hakkai as he tried to roll his head forward. Pin and needles darted up his arms and legs as body awareness finally returned.
Gojyo was relieved. The rest of his activities would have gone to waste if Hakkai had checked out. Of course, that could be a goal for next time. He chuckled. That would just be too cruel and to be honest, he wasn’t sure if he could pull it off.
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Gonou smirked at Hakkai, “I’m not so bad.”
Hakkai gritted his teeth, “I don’t need you anymore.”
Gonou nodded, “But, do you want me?”
Hakkai sighed, “Sometimes.” He wasn’t as good at lying to himself as others were.
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“Sanzo!” Goku slammed his fists into the floor and panted as Sanzo took him orally. He didn’t know what had gotten into his normally rough lover that changed him into someone what was sensually gentle, but he wasn’t about to complain for fear that it might stop.
Five porcelain fingers curled around a tan hip and three continued to dance inside his lover. Light pink lips and a pale tongue lavished attention upon Goku’s arousal. Sanzo pushed his fingers deeply inside his lover and ticked them up. He slowly backed his hand.
Goku’s mind flashed white as Sanzo massaged that sweet spot deep inside of him. His body shook and trembled as euphoria took hold and radiated around. A hint of a vision of violet eyes veiled by feathering blonde whispered into his mind and he cried out.
Sanzo felt his lover tighten around his fingers and jerk from the rug. He held his head static as released ecstasy tantalized his tongue and throat. He swallowed all his lover had to offer and slowly slid his fingers from his lover.
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Long blonde hair swayed at a purple clad hip as Konzen turned.
Sanzo bellowed, “You hypocrite!”
Konzen shrugged with his back toward Sanzo, “Goku’s grown up.”
“So, you relent?”
Konzen cackled. He cackled a cackle that would make his Aunt pale, “You fool!” Goku may have grown up, but there was still the matter of a green eyed man.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sanzo pulled his face from his lover and marched a line of kisses up to Goku’s chest.
Goku slowly opened his eyes as deepening breaths entered and left him. Five fingers trailed down Sanzo’s back as five others felt around on the rug for the bottle.
Sanzo swirled his tongue around a firm nipple and he grazed his teeth across it.
Goku hissed as his hand curled into Sanzo’s back.
Sanzo felt his lover shifting and backed his head from the adolescent’s chest, “Is this..” He held up the bottle “… what you are seeking?”
Goku nodded, “Yeah.”
A blonde eyebrow lifted, “Am I to take that as a hint?”
Goku nodded, “Yeah. I want you to deal.”
Sanzo refreshed the oil on his fingers and stroked himself. “Are you sure?”
Golden eyes rolled, “Yes! Gods! Why are you doing this so slowly?”
Sanzo nipped at Goku’s collar bone, “To irritate you.”
Goku grinned. “That’s my Sanzo.”
Slicked porcelain fingers slid to the small of a tan back. Sanzo slowly lifted Goku’s hips from the floor and sat back just slightly on his shins. He curled one arm behind Goku’s shoulders and took the smaller man in his arms.

Will you still be his sun?

Light pink lips parted and a whispering voice lifted, “You are no longer alone.” He lowered his lover and shifted his hips. He entered his lover with no simulacrum trappings of pain. He still felt. He felt everything.
Golden eyes fluttered back as Goku rolled his head. His gently prepared body accepted his lover without resistance, without pain and with gentle radiating warmth. He breathlessly spoke, “Oh, Sanzo.” He’d been wanting a moment like this for too long now.
No distancing. No hiding. No games --- just them.
Just them in a very special card game.
Goku thought he was in heaven. If he’d known heaven, he’d realize that this cabin was a much better place.
Sanzo curled his hand around the back of Goku’s neck as Goku wrapped his arms around Sanzo’s shoulders and his legs around his lover’s thin waist.
There semi-kneeling, listening to the crackle of the fire and the breath of his lover -- Sanzo gently and carefully enjoyed the pleasures of living and feeling.
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[And baby, talk dirty to me. ]
Gojyo lowered Hakkai’s shoulders to the mattress. His fingers curled around the thin neck of his lover and his thumbs rested against Hakkai’s jaw. He titled his lover’s face to where he could see those emerald eyes, “Hakkai?”
Those emerald eyes looked real distant and blurry. Gojyo wasn’t sure at this point if he should be proud or nervous. “Hakkai? Are you really there?”
Emerald eyes slowly blinked and tried to focus, “Yeah…I’m here.”
Gojyo smiled, “You got me a little concerned there.”
A weak, “I’m fine.” emerged between barely moving lips.
Gojyo chuckled, “You don’t seem all that fine.” Gojyo had a few steadfast rules of his own. One of his biggest was his rape rule. No rape -- period ---end of story. He didn’t even come close to that line. He needed an alert, conscious and consenting adult to share carnal pleasures. He didn’t mind if someone had been drinking, but they still needed to have their faculties with them. This rule was held even with regular partners. Especially regular partners -- once trust like that is broken, it can’t be rebuilt. He slid his hands from Hakkai’s neck and down his lover’s shoulders. He turned his head and pressed his cheek against Hakkai’s chest.
Hakkai knitted his brow, “Where…” He slowly blinked, “do you …” He took in a breath, “think you are going?”
Gojyo pressed a kiss into his lover’s skin, “Nowhere.”
Hakkai took in a soft breath, “Good, because I’m not selfish in bed. You know that.”
Gojyo shook his head, “You’re not selfish period. But, I’m not doing anything else.”
Hakkai knitted his brow, “Why?” He was enjoying this toy thing. He blinked at the ceiling. “Did I do something wrong?”
Gojyo lifted himself and pushed his weight to his hands. Crimson eyes sought out emerald ones, “No, lover. You did nothing wrong. You did everything right.” One glance at those eyes told Gojyo that Hakkai was completely out of it.
Hakkai softly nodded.
Gojyo continued, “You aren’t here, Hakkai.”
“Then where am I?” He looked around. This looked like the cabin.
Gojyo chuckled. He felt like he was talking to someone that had a bit too much to drink. Then, it hit him. Endorphins! Hakkai must have enough running through him to sedate a hospital ward. “You’re in the cabin.”
“Oh, are you here?” He figured he’d better make sure of a few things. If he was nearly mistaken about where he was, then he might be mistaken about where Gojyo was.
“Yes, I’m here.” He chuckled. “with you… in the cabin.” He figured he’d better break it down for the green-eyed genius.
“That’s nice.”
“Yes, it is.” Gojyo was grinning from ear to ear. He hadn’t seen Hakkai like this,
“How do you feel?”
A sly grin slipped upon Hakkai’s face, “Unble..unbl..pheno..pheonm…awesome.”
“Good. You really let yourself go didn‘t you. All those nasty words flying from your mouth”
Hakkai nodded, “Yeah… sorry about that. It won’t happen again. Don’t tell Kanan, she doesn’t like that.”
Gojyo paled. Hakkai really wasn’t here. ”I won’t, don’t worry.” However -- he could use this. Gojyo had rules about activities when a partner was out of it, but he had no rules about soliciting information. He also figured he‘d better direct his lover‘s attention away from Kanan -- that could get real ugly. “Hakkai, tell me about Ah’Nesty.” His own desires could take a backseat to his curiosity. This was a rare moment and he was going to seize it.

[I got a secret I can’t keep.

That burns inside when I’m in my sleep.

I try to hide from your memory, but you come back and it’s haunting me.

What will I find in this fantasy? ]

Hakkai trailed his fingers along Gojyo’s back, “You’d like her.”
Crimson eyebrows lifted, “Oh, I would?”
Hakkai nodded, “Yeah, she’s your type.”
“How so?”
“She’s spunky and fun. Not like me at all.”
Gojyo smiled, “You’re fun.”
Hakkai shook his head in an exaggerated “No” and spoke, “No, I’m boring. I don’t know why you are with me. I’m not fun not like I use to be.”
“How were you when you use to be?” This was what he was digging for. This was the goodie he was after.
Hakkai laughed, “You wouldn’t believe me.”
Gojyo scrunched up his nose, “I’ll believe anything you say.”
“Ah’nesty and I use to cause so much shit.” Emerald eyes went wide and he slapped a hand over his lips.
Gojyo laughed. Rare moment didn’t even cover this. “What did you use to do?”
Hakkai laughed, “One time…” He got lost in his own chuckle. “One time at St. Christopher’s.”
Gojyo knitted his brow. “You went to St. Christopher’s?”
Hakkai nodded, “Yeah.”
“Dude that’s like an awesome school. That’s in umm… where?”
“In Taikgen.”
“Yeah, everyone has heard of it. How did you get in there?” There was another reason he knew Taikgen, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it.
Hakkai blinked, “Don’t think I’m smart enough? I took a double load nearly every year. Thank you very much.”
Gojyo smiled, “No, I know you are smart enough.” Gojyo knitted his brow. That’s how he was a full blown teacher at nineteen. Gojyo knew that St. Christopher’s was a preparatory school as well as a University. “How did you afford it?”
Hakkai nodded, “Ward of the state. I was a tax write off. Guaranteed money for them. You wouldn‘t have liked it.”
“Oh? Why is that?” Talk for me puppet. Gojyo snickered. He figured Hakkai would make a talkative drunk.
Hakkai’s voice took on an exaggerated whisper and his eyes shifted like was trying to make sure no one was listening, “They tried to tell us what to believe. Expecting us to just blindly follow. Even so far as to try to control thought. All this talk of freewill…”
Gojyo blinked. Hakkai was on a roll. This must be a button for him. A hot button indeed.
Hakkai continued,” … All this jammering on about humility and purity, but what do they do? I’ll tell you what they do. They build these huge buildings and have all this ornate stuff while others suffer. If you disagree with their so-called-conventional thought then you must be wrong. You had to be bad if you went against them. They hold Hell over your head, like they can scare you into believing. Let me tell you something Gojyo, something you already know.”
“What’s that?”
“You can control the information. You can control the surrounding influences. You can make someone go to mass, but you cannot make someone believe. You can not control thought nor force faith.“
Gojyo nodded, “That true.” Oh yes, a talkative drunk indeed.
“I’ll tell ya something else, this you might not know.” Hakkai waved his hand, “Not because your stupid or anything, but because you haven’t been there. Did you know that sanctuaries are designed in such a way as to intentionally make you feel small when you enter? And, did you know in smaller villages they position the church and build it in such a way as to always cast a shadow on parts of the town?”
Gojyo blinked. This resistance to organized religion ran deeply within Hakkai.
Hakkai sucked his teeth, “The hypocrites. I’m glad to be out of there.” He sighed, “But I’m rambling. Let’s change the subject.”
Gojyo nodded, “So, tell me about what you were going to tell me.”
“About what?”
“What you did one time.”
“Which time?”
Gojyo gritted his teeth. Damn it! Hakkai was out of it and still managed to hide information. “Tell me about any time you want to.” He was going to have to figure out a way to get Hakkai drunk or just keep screwing him into moments like this. Both would be fun.
Hakkai nibbled his lip. There were so many things. Which one should he share? There was all of the stuff with the yearbook. Then all the other pictures. Then the stuff up here in Blanctic. That’s not counting the stuff they did at school. Oh! And the stuff they did during mass. He had one, “You’ll like this one.”
“Ok.”
Hakkai nodded, “It involves alcohol.”
Gojyo grinned. “Ok, tell me.”
Hakkai wiped a hand over one eye. Why was his vision so weird? His right eye was decidedly worse than his left. “One time we snuck into the main sanctuary and …” He laughed.
“And…” Gojyo urged. Anything involving sneaking in anywhere sounded like a great story.
“Well, it was Sunday and we…” He laughed. “We spiked the wine.” He rolled.
Gojyo blinked. “How do you spike wine? It already has alcohol in it.”
Hakkai was laughing so hard he shook, “With EverClear.”
Gojyo howled. He loved seeing under that smile.
Hakkai touched his fingers to Gojyo’s chin, “Riddle me this.”
Gojyo nodded.
“You’re naked. I’m naked. Why are we talking?”
Gojyo let out a huff, ”Because you aren’t functioning completely.”
Hakkai looked a bit indignant, “I most certainly am and I have been since I started having sex. My equipment is fine.”
Gojyo blinked, “That’s not what I meant.” He laughed. “Mentally, you aren’t here.”
Hakkai blinked, “Oh. Yeah, I’m feeling pretty good right now.”
Gojyo nodded, “Yep, feeling no pain are you?”
Hakkai smirked, “I’m feeling pain alright. Pain from you being so far away from me. Look at you. There must be six inches between us.”

Nine and a half, but who is counting. Gojyo lowered himself against Hakkai’s chest. “Is this better?”
Hakkai squirmed beneath Gojyo, “Much better.” A sly smile slipped upon Hakkai’s face.
Gojyo cocked an eyebrow, “What?”
Hakkai softly spoke, “I feel that.” He shifted his hips, “digging into me. I say we do something about it.”
Gojyo kissed Hakkai’s neck. The fountain of information had dried up -- for now. Hakkai was back to deflecting which means his lover was returning to his senses. Gojyo wasn’t totally sure he wanted that. It was nice talking to a free Hakkai. Of course, there were ways of getting that back. Maybe he could have his cake and eat it too.
Gojyo’s pants were quickly forgotten.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sanzo leaned forward and laid Goku’s shoulders on the rug. With both hands now supporting the small of his lover’s back, he kept Goku’s hips off the floor and shifted back into his partial kneeling position.
Goku pressed his palms into the floor and fell into the moment. He completely relaxed and wondered when did Sanzo become so graceful? The moments were so fluid, so smooth. He felt Sanzo just sliding inside of him not once breaking their physical union, but still with long, solid, full strokes.
Sanzo nearly smiled when he heard a blissful moan lift from his lover. He slowly began to increase the force and speed behind his gyrations.
Goku hissed in a breath and his fingers gripped into the rug.
Violet eyes scanned his lover -- there were those freckles. Little dots usually too faint to see --- seemed to be called out by the firelight and the radiance of the sun. Freckles --- freckles at looked so damn sexy on passion flushed skin. He felt the pressure of euphoria begin to build. He gripped his lover’s hips and held them static as he began to firmly buck toward release.
Goku took in sharp breaths as his shoulders jerked against the rug. He was thankful this was a soft faux bear rug or this would lead to one nasty carpet burn.
Sanzo’s pants took on a sense of urgency and he curled over his lover. With his cock deeply seated within his lover, his face pressed against a tan chest and heat bouncing around inside of him -- he peaked. Careening off the edge of almost there and there. He cried out. His muscles tensed and suddenly relaxed. His stomach quavered. His jaw trembled and as he heard Goku cry out, he knew -- he knew he could still be the young man’s sun.
Goku blinked at the ceiling and his fingers traveled into short blonde locks. What was it about feeling the essence of a lover coating you that felt just so damn good. Goku smiled as his hips were lowered.
Sanzo curled his arms around Goku’s shoulders. He softly smiled against his lover’s warmth.
Goku spoke as their breathing clamored for normality, “Hey, Sanzo.”
Sanzo gritted his teeth. If it’s I’m hungry, I swear I’ll kill him. “What?”
“Thanks for not taking this from me.”
Sanzo sucked his teeth, “Like you’d ever let me.”
Goku chuckled, “You’re right. I’d annoy you to death first.”
Sanzo sighed.
“Hey Sanzo?”
“Don’t you say it.”
“Say what?”
Sanzo sighed, “I’m hungry.”
Goku sighed, “Well, I am. Walking makes me hungry, imagine what this does.” He laughed.
Sanzo was mildly amused, but didn’t dare show it. The monkey had a point. They’d gotten so wrapped up in themselves that time slipped away from them. It was now late afternoon and a certain brown haired young man had patiently waited for lunch.
Goku’s stomach grumbled.
Sanzo pulled his face from Goku’s chest. A heavy sigh lifted from the blonde, “You know how to kill a moment don’t you?”
Goku grinned.
Sanzo shifted and slowly left his lover. “Let’s go see what the others are up to.” Probably what we are. Well, were.
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[A man’s got his patience and

here’s where mine ends.

I want your sex. ]
Gojyo raised up on his shins and dug through his bag. He popped the cap to the lube and put an ribbon on his finger.
Hakkai smiled, “I thought you’d come to see it my way.”
Gojyo chuckled, “Don’t get a head of me. I’m not cumming yet.” A soft moan left him as the cool slickness engulfed him.
Hakkai eyed his lover, “You are so sexy when you do that.”
A sly smirked emerged upon a tan face, “Really?”
Hakkai nodded, “Especially with the sunlight washing across you. The way your hair bounces slightly with your strokes and the way your muscles move under your skin. It’s a visual symphony.”
Lips curled and teeth were exposed. Gojyo sat back on his heels and decided to give his lover a bit of a show.
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Sanzo stamped out his cigarette.
Goku stood with their cloaks in his arms, “Umm Sanzo, what if we’re interrupting something?”
Sanzo sucked his teeth, “They’ll just keep going on forever if we don’t stop them.”
Goku chuckled, “Is that so bad?”
The fan flew!
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[It’s dancing on my soul.]
Hakkai scanned his lover.
There they were in the middle of a king-sized bed that was supported by a natural wood frame. The afternoon sunlight washed across the floor and across the bottom half of the bed. Snow continued to flutter down an occasional a breeze would happen by, lift the fallen snow and light wisps of white would curl over and skate across the heavy wet under-layer.
Together on top of a dark-tan, virgin wool blanket to men enjoyed each others company and sexuality. Two men shared themselves with each other. Hakkai laid on his back with his legs spread. His knees hit mid-shin of Gojyo. His skin was hot and flushed from the earlier activities and a few locks of laden with sweat bangs stuck to his forehead. One hand rested limply on his chest and the other rested against the blanket.
Gojyo was kneeling and resting back on his shins. Tan knees were several inches apart. One hand was resting against Hakkai’s shin and one hand was indulging in a moment of “self abuse”.
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Goku flipped his cloak, “Aww man, they’re still damp!” He sighed. “How does Hakkai get them to dry out so thoroughly?”
Violet eyes rolled. They stood by the fire and held up their cloaks.

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Hakkai took in a soft gasp as Gojyo forgot about the theatrics and began to get into his sensations.
Crimson strands softly bounced against tan shoulders A few locks, that were weighed down with sweat, stuck to the front of his shoulders. Sunlight on his skin drew a line of gold -- outlining him in sparkling glints of light as sweat and the natural oils of his skin refracted the radiating beam into millions of tiny spectra. These spectra danced in a golden line as he moved. His hair captured the light and took charge of it. A glow of soft crimson hummed around his head and washed his cheek in tinted light. Everyone of his individual eyelashes carried a line of tiny rainbows. The liquid of his eyes glistened as involuntary movements shifted the crimson windows to the soul.
That crimson gaze locked with an emerald gaze.
A tan shoulder shifted as Gojyo stroked himself. His chest heaved with his once again rapid breaths. Shading on his sternum lightened and darkened as he flexed. The undulating contractions of his abdomen muscles highlighted the clean lines and toned bricks. One half of the sensual “V” was blocked from Hakkai’s view by a shifting forearm. The other half glistened as sweat traveled into the gentle shading.
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Sanzo put on the cloak and Goku double checked to make sure the fire was safely out
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Gojyo rocked his hips meeting his strokes.
Tan fingers curled around a tan shaft. The head of Gojyo’s cock would occasionally hide beneath his loose fist. A halo of curly crimson hair, which Hakkai now noticed was a shade or two darker than the hair Gojyo showed the world, sparkled in a mixture of sweat, sunlight and warm moisture and would slip from under Gojyo’s hand.
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Sanzo and Goku stepped from their cabin. Goku smiled as he eyed the snowman. He most definitely wasn’t alone anymore. He got daring and interlaced his fingers with Sanzo’s.
For some reason, Sanzo didn’t protest. He didn’t even feel the desire to protest a fact that surprised himself.
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Visual symphony couldn’t begin to cover this.
The muscles rhythmically danced under Gojyo’s skin. Each player knowing their part in this show and each being on point and giving a grand performance.

[What’s your definition of dirty, baby?]
Gojyo had the looks that commanded the attention of royalty. As Hakkai watched Gojyo get lost in himself, we wondered how it was that the he was so lucky that Gojyo would grace his doorstep. He figured he must have not completely pissed off whatever gods were in control -- if there was anything such as control in this chaos dependent world. No, this vision before him could not have been created by any god. This vision had to have been created by a goddess. Gojyo had to have been personally molded by divine fingers. The gentle shading, clean lines, raw sexiness that covered boyish cuteness, the stark colors that marked his birthright, and his mental strength could only have converged under the careful guidance of female divine fingers.
Hakkai nearly convinced himself that there was a god and he had to be a she.

[C-c-c-c-come on.]

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Goku and Sanzo stood at the door to cabin thirty-eight. Sanzo raised a loose fist to knock.
Goku touched his fingers to Sanzo wrist, “What if we’re interrupting something like, well, special.”
They shared a glance and put their ears to the door.
Goku whispered, “I don’t hear anything.”
Sanzo whispered, “They might not be in the living room.”
They turned to walk away -- just incase.
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Gojyo removed his hand from Hakkai’s shin and raised up.
Hakkai lost his breath for a moment as Gojyo’s entire body shook under the now urgent personal attentions. Tan thigh began to quiver as a visible line of tension lifted up Gojyo’s body.

[The only way I can truly free from my fucked up reality.]
Distancing crimson eyes blinked as Gojyo’s jaw clenched. He was trying desperately to soak up the vision of his lover. He wanted to see nothing but those green eyes and the man that came with them as euphoria began to take him into the realms of surreal life.

[I don’t know your fucking name. So, what? Let’s fuck.

All day I dream about sex.]
Hakkai sat up on his elbows.
Gojyo cried out as he crashed forward. His hips and lower back jerked several times.
Hakkai smiled as he felt a streak of heat run across his thigh. He laid back and blinked at the ceiling.
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Sanzo and Goku stopped and looked over their shoulder at the cabin door.
They spoke simultaneously, “They’re done.”
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[All of my most sensitive areas were inflamed.

My extremities pulsated with a tingling sensation. ]

Gojyo panted and shifted his body against his lover’s. With his legs tucked under him, he slowly removed his now very tired hand and curled his fingers around Hakkai’s hips.
A scarred cheek rested against a scarred abdomen.
Hakkai trailed his fingers into crimson strands, “That was so powerful, I nearly came myself.”

Gojyo grinned, “That can be arranged, Lover.” He shifted. Pink lips parted and a glistening tongue pointed.
Hakkai gasped in anticipation as Gojyo’s breath surrounded him. Thought left him as voice, “Yes, please again.”
Gojyo smiled. Please. A word that Hakkai said all the time, why was it so sexy in this context? Maybe it was because it seemed like sweet innocent Hakkai was begging for something so --- carnal.

*KNOCK* *KNOCK*

Gojyo cringed, “God damn it! Can’t they live one day without us?”

[All day I dream about sex.]
Hakkai chuckled, “Oh my, what poor timing.”
Gojyo sighed, “Stay right there. Like that. I’ll get rid of them.”
Gojyo tilted off the bed and grabbed his boxers. He stepped into the living room.
Hakkai spoke, “You could at least close the bedroom door.”
Gojyo smirked as he saw Hakkai’s boxers on the couch. He opened the door and grumbled, “What?”
Goku looked up at his practically naked friend, “I’m hungry.”
Gojyo smirked, “I’m Gojyo nice to meet you Hungry. Now, leave.” He started to close the door.
Sanzo blocked the door with his hand. “You’ll fuck each other into unconsciousness.”

[All day I dream about fucking.]
Hakkai sighed and got up from the bed. He sought out a clean pair of boxers and his clothing.
Crimson eyebrows lifted, “Everybody’s gotta have a goal.”
“I’m hungry.”
“Tough shit.” Gojyo sighed and looked at Sanzo. “Feed your pet.”
Goku laughed, “Him cook?”
Violet eyes narrowed.
Gojyo cringed, “Are Hakkai and I the only ones that can cook?”
Sanzo picked his ear, “That statement is a stretch.”
Gojyo looked over his shoulder, “Hakkai, get back in the bedroom.”
Hakkai waved a hand over his shoulder, “No, no, it is fine.”
“No, it’s not fine.“ Crimson eyes narrowed, “Look ya shitty monk, I can cook, ya know.”
Sanzo nodded, “We’re talking in the kitchen not bedroom.”
Gojyo rolled his head forward, “I can cook -- food.” He jutted his thumb at Goku, “This little shit has actually complimented me on it.”
Sanzo sighed, “He’ll eat anything, that doesn’t prove anything.”
Gojyo took in a breath. “Fine! I’ll prove to you I can cook.” As he stepped into the living room he realized he’d done a real crappy job getting rid of them.
Hakkai’s stomach flipped when he saw his boxers still on the couch. A nervous smile graced his lips as he tried to pick them up nonchalantly.

[All day I dream about sex.]
A crimson eyebrow lifted as Hakkai walked into the bedroom directly “disobeying” an “order”. This would not be forgotten.
Goku looked around, “Oh, cool you guys have a radio.”
Hakkai closed the bedroom door behind him as he stepped back into the living room, “You have one also.” He walked over to the fireplace and turned off the radio.
Gojyo loudly clanked pots and pans in the kitchen. He was muttering to himself about how he did live for a while on his own before Hakkai. What did they think he did? Live off take out? Well, that wasn’t far from the truth, but he did cook every so often. Occasionally, he cooked food that didn’t come for a box or Styrofoam. He jerked open the refrigerator. A guy doesn’t get this kind of physique by starving. It took a good bit of protein to make these muscles. He knelt in front of the fridge. What the hell? Did Hakkai pick up anything that could be pieced together in a meal? All Gojyo saw was a bunch of stuff. Some brown, some green, some white -- just stuff. Random shit that sat on shelves cooling.
Long slender fingers curled over a tan shoulder, “I’ll take care of it.”
Gojyo turned his head, “I don’t think you should be handling sharp objects right now.”
Hakkai smiled, “I know how to handle equipment, but I also know how to handle a kitchen. I’m fine.”
Crimson eyes narrowed. Recognition resided in those emerald eyes. Hakkai seemed steady on his feet and his speech was decidedly smoother and clearer. “Ok, but I’m helping.”
Hakkai smiled, “Sure. You might want to put on some clothes.”
Gojyo stood and headed to the bedroom for his fleece clothing.
Hakkai set up the steamer and began cooking a layer of peeler shrimp. Once that was set up, out came the cutting board and the butcher knife. The tock, tock, tock of a knife on wood raised up from the green fleece wearing man.
Gojyo handled the rice.
Small slivers of cucumber were rolled with rice and wrapped with seaweed. Hakkai was making Kappa rolls. The roll was exactly nine and half inches long. He removed the bamboo working wrap and began to slice the main roll into bite sized lengths.
They sat down and shared a lunch of peeler shrimp and kappa rolls as well as the typical adornments. Gojyo shook his head as random shit became a meal. Hakkai chuckled nearly every time someone wrapped their lips around his Kappa rolls.

During a round of hot coco, Hakkai smiled. “We picked up a few things for you.” He walked over to where the gifts were left for their friends. They got Sanzo more than just boots. They didn’t want him feeling left out.
Hakkai smiled and handed Sanzo a pair of black boots. “Can’t have you getting cold.”
Sanzo looked at the boots presented before him. He tried to remember the last time someone just gave him something for no real reason. It wasn’t a holiday nor was this the day he suspected was his birthday. How Master Koumyou Sanzo devised his birthday, he’d never know. He scanned the faces of his friends. The faces of those that he convinced himself at one point couldn’t be trusted because of the demon blood in their veins: the half-breed that he wanted keep at arms length and yet with as much shit as he put Gojyo through the red-head was quick to take a hit for him. The criminal of whom he wondered the mental stability but never doubted the mental acuity. And, of course, the monkey he wanted to strangle and hold. He softly spoke, “Thanks.”
If he ever had to give them a mercy kill, he didn’t think he could survive it.
A tan cable knit sweater with a thick, split turtleneck was placed before him. Wide buttons ran up the front. It was a real soft cotton and looked miles warmer than his satin robes. His fingers clenched into the material. He knew he wouldn’t survive a mercy kill. He’d use the pistol for the reason he picked it : it was small enough to point at his own temple.
Goku grinned and his eyes twinkled as he looked at the articles before him. A white long sleeved cotton knit shirt with a yin-yang symbol on the chest and a red and black, zip up sweat shirt. This was going to be a lot warmer than his regular clothing. Especially considering his cape was currently warming a snowman and he was down to a short sleeve t-shit and a cloak. “Thanks guys! Do we get to keep these?”
Hakkai smiled, “Yes, we get to keep these.”
Goku jumped to his feet and pulled off his shirt.
Sanzo tried to look without looking like he was looking. That was the body of no child he’d ever seen. Goku may seem small framed under all of the layers of cloth he wore. The cape, shoulder pads, that weird-ass muffle thing that didn’t seem attached to anything, his t-shirt and slim fitting jeans, but beneath all of that were rocks of muscle. Bricks of contours and shapes of glory. It was baffling how all of those dense and toned muscles formed naturally on the short young man.
He only wore the long sleeved shirt and it nearly swallowed him.
Gojyo set up the coffee pot.
Hakkai glanced out the window the air itself took on a white color as the flakes fell and flipped in the wind.
Sanzo stood and slipped his robes off his shoulders. The sutra rolled up in his palm and he sat it on end on the table. He untied his sash and draped his robes over the back of his chair. He didn’t dare take off his silks; there was lingering evidence on his skin that two men in this room did not need to see. He pulled the sweater over his head and shook his blonde hair free of the cotton neck. He slowly unbuttoned the sweater and let it fall open.
Black skin tight silk was now flanked by thick tan cotton kitting. Goku liked that look on Sanzo. He looked great in earth tones particularly brown and gold tones.
Gojyo poured the coffee and glanced at Hakkai. Hakkai in his easy access fleece clothing. Wearing a dark green soft shirt that fit big on him. The sleeves came down over his wrists and skirted his hand. The waist band rested just below his hips and that much green that close to his face made his emerald eyes pop and shine. The tan pull-on pants gently hugged his hips and flattered the curve of his lover’s ass. They seemed to be resting a bit low on hips. The pants were just a bit too long as the back of the pant leg brushed the floor with each step his lover took and the front of the pant legs creased a bit as they rounded the top of his socked feet. How was it that Hakkai seemed equally at ease in fancy clothing for black tie events, his normal “mission” gear and now this --- this look that just screamed of comfort, fun and natural grace, Gojyo would never understand.
Gojyo chuckled at he stirred the coffee. It reminded him when the slightly smaller man lived with him and had no choice but to wear his clothing. Clothing that fit close enough to wear, but still seemed to engulf him.
Back then, the man that had no name and was eventually given a new name --- the green eyed man was wrapped in borrowed warmth and safety of his to become crimson harbor. Although the man now known as Hakkai owned the clothes he regularly wore, he still borrowed warmth and safely from his crimson harbor.
Hakkai picked up what was shortly going to be Sanzo’s cup of java and smiled at Gojyo.
His love was standing by the coffee pot in a black, fleece, easy access shirt that fit him so well it seemed tailored. His shapely pects hinted at their existence beneath the comfortable fit. The sleeves stopped right at the wrist and the waistband of the shirt halted at the gathered waistband of fire engine red pants. The pants showed the contours of his hips and even whispered of the sultry “V” beneath him. A brown eyebrow lifted. When Gojyo raised his arm, the pants would slip just a bit and offer teasing glimpses of that wonderful “V”.
Gojyo had difficulty hiding his endowment under his thick denim, he didn’t even bother to try to hide his flaccid member under the fleece. Some men are “growers” , some men are “show-ers” Gojyo was both. It was point less to even try -- and truth be told, he didn’t really try in the denim. He loved the feeling he got when women would look at him and their eyelashes would flick down in a brief moment just before they regained their modest composure.
That eyelash flick seemed all the more alluring when they flicked over a certain pair of green eyes.
All four of them now looked very much like the guys they were --- just regular Joes that held more interest in a good time, good company, and good drink than saving the world.
Hakkai’s hand softly shook as he sat Sanzo’s cup down on the table. He wanted to just boot the other two out and return to the bedroom. That wouldn’t be very polite. They had company and he tried very hard to get his mind off his lover and that “V“ that was teasing him --- calling to him.
He wondered briefly when this change happened to him. He went three long years with just fleeting thoughts about carnal activities. Sometimes the thoughts were lasting enough to call for a bit of self indulgence, but nonetheless they were superficial. Describing his hiatus as a “dry spell” was like describing the Sahara Desert as having a little bit of sand. Gojyo touched something inside of him -- awakening hibernating desires that seemed to be trying to make up for lost time.
Sanzo glanced out the window, “If it keeps snowing like this we’ll be stuck here for longer than a week.”
Hakkai smiled and verbalized everyone’s thoughts, “Is that so bad?”
Sanzo looked at his coffee, “The assassins will find us. That wouldn’t be good for your friends.”
Hakkai nodded. “I wouldn’t worry too much about them. They’re tough salt of the earth people.” Wait a minute, how does Sanzo know about Ms. Marie and Mr. Rupert?

A blonde eyebrow lifted, “They’re old.”
Hakkai nodded, “Yes, but not frail. Besides, if we really have to get out of here we can.”
Sanzo knitted his brow, “You said we were stuck because of the storm.”
Hakkai nodded, “In reality we are, because you would not let me take us out of here the other way unless it was an emergency.”
They blinked at Hakkai. Goku spoke, “That wasn’t the ‘other way‘?”
Hakkai shook his head. “No, that was the off-road way for the tourists.”
Gojyo’s mouth fell open as he sat on his chair, “For the tourists?”
Hakkai nodded, “Yes. The regulars and the locals tend to use a more…” he paused and tried to think of an appropriate word, “primitive route. I’ll take us back that way if you want, but it has some steep hills, a few sharp drops and there is the matter of the moderate jump“.
They knew his definition of “small” hills, “good sized drop” and “little” jumps. They, including Sanzo, had no desire to learn his definition of “steep” , “sharp” and “moderate jump.” They were certain that is would mean certain death and scattered body parts.
Hakkai knelt by the fireplace and began building a fire. He shrugged, “Besides, I’m not sure Hakuryuu should be forced to try it. I’ve never taken it without my bike.” Emerald eyes went wide. That wasn’t suppose to come out.
Three friends looked shocked and spoke simultaneously, “Your bike?”
Hakkai closed his eyes and sighed. He slowly turned his head and opened one eye, “Yes, my bike.” His voice sounded rather reserved.
Sanzo lit a cigarette, “You’re the man in the duster.”
Hakkai looked like someone just pinched him.
Gonou cackled and howled with laugher, “They’ve got you now.”
A wry smirk slipped on Gojyo’s face as he solidly eyed the “reserved” man, “You’ve been holding out on me.”
Hakkai rested back on his shins and his shoulders slumped forward, “No. I’m not the man in the duster. I was the man in the duster.”
Gojyo remembered the picture in the bedroom. He jumped up and dashed into the other room. He eyed the picture and pulled it off the wall. He slapped it onto the table and pointed at it. “Explain this!”
Hakkai left the logs in the fireplace and slunk toward the table. “It’s a landscape. It isn’t far from here.” He turned from the picture. Please, don’t notice.

Gojyo put a hand on Hakkai’s shoulder and turned him around. He pointed at a specific spot on the picture. “No, explain that shadow.”
Hakkai’s eyes narrowed. Oh man, he noticed.

The picture was indeed a landscape. It captured an open field with a heavy layer of snow. There was a hill in the background that captured the shadow of a man on a bike. This was clearly an action shot. There was nothing under the wheels of the bike and the tail of the duster flew out as the man stood on the bike near the fork of the back wheel. The wheels were in front of the body of the bike and the man that was “riding” it.
The hill acted like a screen and Gonou was the featured actor. It was a subtle shadow within the whole picture. Subtle but nonetheless clear.
Ah’Nesty had captured it well. It took Gonou a long time, two broken legs, a snapped arm and a myriad of other injuries all endured on separate attempts to perfect that jump, but that picture captured a flawless performance.
They thought they had Hakkai totally busted --- if they only knew.
Hakkai shrugged, “A jump. That’s a jump.” He slid into a chair and crossed his arms on the table. He was in so much trouble.
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Gonou smirked, “You tried so hard.”
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Hakkai sighed. These guys were never going to let him live this down.
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“You buried me. You put layers and layers of dirt over me. You changed your behavior. You changed your outlook on life. You changed your appearance. You changed everything hoping to one day forget all about me. And yet, here I am.”

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Hakkai buried his face in his arms.
Gojyo chuckled. Hakkai wasn’t squirming nearly enough. He looked over at Sanzo, “This makes sense.”
Violet eyes narrowed.
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Gonou continued, “No, not dirt. You shoved me in a little box, then you carefully wrapped that box. Even going so far as to put a bow on it. I still got out. They draw me out. He draws me out.” He glared at his demon self, “How much longer are you going to deny me!?”
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Gojyo nodded, “When ya really think about it.” He shifted his gaze from Sanzo to Hakkai, “Could such a calm, mild mannered, book-worm really have the gumption to just drive off cliffs and the have balls to take on a god alone?” He shook his head, “Oh no, our sweet little Hakkai here has been giving us signals all along. Opening the door to his private reckless world every so often. Sometimes in daring action, sometimes in daring speech.” He smirked. This also explained some of their private activities.
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Gonou shoved Hakkai back.
Hakkai took a few steps and regained his footing.
Gonou spoke, “You brought them here for a reason.” He shoved again.
Hakkai took a few steps back. “To have a safe place to help Gojyo.”
Gonou glared, “Bullshit.”
Hakkai sighed, “Watch your mouth. That kind of language is inappropriate.”
Gonou softly chuckled, “You sound just like her.”
That was one of the few things Hakkai and Gonou shared -- their love for Kanan.
Hakkai sharply nodded, “She was right.”
Gonou waved a finger, “You’re deflecting again.”
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A plaintive, “Oh dear god,” lifted from the flesh ball of Hakkai.
Gojyo leaned over and kissed the back of Hakkai’s head, “It’s ok. I like it.” He stroked his fingers against short brown locks and whispered, “I like it a lot. I’d like to see more of it.” He had to assure his lover that this changed nothing. He loved Hakkai simply and cleanly. He loved that man his lover was, is and will be. He just wanted to know more about him.
Goku nodded, “Yeah, it’s really cool.”
Gojyo nodded at Goku thanking him for the support.
Sanzo nodded, “We all have a past. We all have our secrets.”
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Gonou looked triumphant. “See! What did I tell you? They like me and the more you share the more they will like me. They’re going to love me. That’s why you came here. You want them to know you. You’ve buried yourself so deeply under fake smiles and proper etiquette that you don’t know how to let them in.”
Hakkai shook his head, “No, for Gojyo. A safe place for Gojyo. This was convenient.”
Gonou sighed, “You do not lie to yourself very well. But, keep at it you might believe that one day.”
Tenpou lifted an eyebrow. Maybe the green-eyed human wasn’t being so malicious something still didn’t feel right. Some thing still seemed a bit deviant.
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Hakkai pulled his face from his arms. His brow knitted. Sanzo was wide open -- or so it seemed. He didn’t hide his anger. He did everything his way and to hell with the consequences. He didn’t placate people and he didn’t give in. Granted, the cold and distant outer shell was a self protection mechanism -- protecting the softer and sensitive man -- or rather grown child -- inside of the blonde; however, it seemed that Sanzo didn‘t actively hide much about his background. “What could you have possibly done?” He also figured if he could turn this back on the others then he could hold on his secrets.
Deflection Hakkai style -- slow but effective.
Sanzo took a drag off his cigarette, “I raked leaves. Every fucking year. So many leaves. I wanted to just watch them burn. I got so sick of leaves.”
Hakkai chuckled.
Gojyo sucked his teeth, “How the fuck does that compare to a motorcycle?” He lit a cigarette.
Goku rolled his eyes, “Big flip you had to do chores when you were a kid. Tell us something good.”
Sanzo sighed. He didn’t think he could satisfy them with that. “Alright.” He closed his eyes and shook his head. He couldn’t believe he was about to share this. “When I was young, stupid and occasionally gave a damn.” He sighed. “At the temple there was this cat. The little fucker would hang out below my window and cry. Just mewing and mewing.” He looked at his hands and flicked the ash from his cigarette, “I fed him. Just to shut him up mind you.”
No one believed that. They believed there was a cat. They believed young Sanzo would sneak him some food, but no one believed it was just to keep the cat quiet.
Hakkai smiled, “What did you name him?”
Sanzo spoke without thinking, “Her. And her name was Go Away.” He stabbed out his cigarette.
Gojyo rolled. “That had to be one confused cat. C’mere Go Away. Here kitty, kitty! Good girl Go Away. How‘s my little Go Away today?”
Goku laughed so hard he fell from his chair.
The fan flew -- twice!
Hakkai snickered, “Always had a thing for small animals?”

Goku’s not so small. Sanzo was not amused. He debated giving Hakkai a little paper discipline. Oh, that evoked a perfectly inappropriate thought. He gritted his teeth and sought out another cigarette.
Goku looked at Gojyo, “What about you?”
Gojyo smirked, “Wanna know some of my secrets do ya monkey?” He chuckled, “You’ll have to step into my office for that.”
Goku rolled his eyes, “You perv. Gods!”
Gojyo chuckled. “There’s really not much to tell.” He looked at Hakkai, “I don’t hide much.”
Hakkai lifted an eyebrow, “There has to be something.”
Gojyo sighed, “I play the guitar.”
Goku smirked, “That’s cool not embarrassing.”
Gojyo rolled his eyes and heavily sighed, “I can work a loom.”
Hakkai’s mouth fell open, “You can weave?”
Gojyo slowly nodded, “Quite well too.”
Sanzo softly chuckled as his mind raced to Gojyo sitting with a loom between his knees and the soft click, click of the mechanism lifting up. The red-head was weaving a beautifully detailed, full color, pictorial guide to the Kama Sutra.
Hakkai and Goku recovered from their laughter.
Gojyo was reluctantly chuckling too. It did seem odd for him to have that skill. “So, Monkey what about you?”
Goku knitted his brow and motioned with his hands, “Cave. Temple.” He held his hands out. “What don’t you understand?”
A blonde eyebrow lifted, “Monkey.” That was a warning.
Hakkai looked at Gojyo, “Seems there is something we don’t know.”
Goku knitted his brow and looked at Sanzo, “What?”
Violet eyes lifted to gold, “Don’t what me. You know what.” If he had to share then Goku was going to share.
A sheepish grin drifted on Goku’s face, “Oh yeah. That.”
Sanzo sighed, “Yes, that.”
Goku chuckled, “I’m doing Lirin.”
“Not that!” The fan flew!
Gojyo nodded, “Yeah, I figured that out a long time ago.”
Hakkai was speechless. Kougaiji was going to kill them. Also, there were things he and Goku hadn’t talked about. He’d assumed Goku was only sleeping with Sanzo.
Goku rubbed his head, “Then what then? I say again, cave and temple. What else is there? Shit!”
Sanzo sighed. “What you should have told Hakkai a long time ago.”
Hakkai cocked an eyebrow, “What is this?” He smiled.
Gojyo rested his chin in his palm, “Do tell, chimp-boy.”
Goku looked at his hands and mumbled, “Oh, that.”
Sanzo patted the fan against his palm, “Yes, that.” And we better be talking about the same thing this time.

Goku sighed and glanced at Hakkai, “Remember when you were coming to the temple to tutor me?”
Hakkai nodded.
Goku looked up at the ceiling, “Sometimes I would mess up on purpose to make you stay longer. Please don‘t be mad, you were a great teacher.”
Hakkai melted inside, “Oh, Goku. All you needed to do was ask me to stay longer.” He softly smiled.
Gojyo knitted his brow, “Wait a minute.” He crushed out his cigarette.
Goku cringed.
“You little punk!” Gojyo stood up and poked his finger in Goku’s face, “You use to hide my shoes so we couldn’t leave!”
Goku dipped his head. “Yeah.” He sighed, “Yeah, I did.” He lifted his face, “I know this mission is a pain in the ass and all. I also know that it’s pretty serious. But, to be honest, I’m glad we’re doing it. I like it when we’re all together.” He knitted his brow, “It’s kinda weird and sappy and shit, but sometimes as we drive for a while I think that this must be what it’s like to have a family.”
They’d never admit it as freely as Goku could, but they all felt the same way.
Gojyo playfully tagged Goku across the head, “That’s because you’re a stupid Monkey. If ya knew better, you’d know this is way better than family.”
Goku knitted his brow, “Why?”
Hakkai chuckled, “Because we all choose to be together.”
Sanzo lit a cigarette, “I know you’re not including me in that.”
Gojyo rolled his eyes, “Oh, of course not Sanzo.” As you sit there in that chair talking and chatting. Ya shitty ass monk. Ya know how to kill a moment.

Hakuryuu peeped at the door.
Hakkai stood and opened the door.
Hakuryuu zoomed over his shoulder and made a beeline for the hearth. Two puffs later and the shivering little dragon was warming himself.
Hakkai chuckled, “You look frozen!”
Sanzo walked over to the couch, “What did you do? Lock him out?”
Gojyo cocked a smirk. Leave it to the pussy lover to be concerned about the dragon.

Goku sat down by Hakuryuu, “Hakkai! That’s so mean.”
Hakkai put his hands on his hips, “I did not lock him out. He wanted out and I let him out. He’s a fire dragon. It’s not my fault. He decided to not build a fire.”
Hakuryuu spread his wings to soak up some heat. He couldn’t wait to try that again tomorrow! He meant : of course, there would have to be regular parameter checks. Especially near that one cliff. That looked like a place where hostiles could hide.
Hakkai smiled, “Well, now that we are all together.” Hakkai walked over to his “dinner supplies” that he picked up earlier.
Gojyo knitted his brow. Hakkai never put anything away today and they picked up enough stuff yesterday to last the week.
Hakkai opened the recessed cabinet doors and in no time flat “Shrek” flickered on the screen.
Gojyo sat in one corner of the couch and Hakkai leaned against him with Hakuryuu in his lap. Sanzo sat in the other corner of the couch with his arms wrapped around Goku. Hakkai and Gojyo thought that was one of greatest things they could ever witness and didn’t dare speak on it for fear that Sanzo would stop. Gojyo hidden by Hakkai’s bangs silently mouthed all the words.
For a moment -- for a brief moment -- there was no mission. There was no going west. There were not humans, demons or half-breeds. There was just them. Just four guys watching the antics of a green ogre and a brown donkey.

“That’ll do donkey. That’ll do.”

This evening would later be explained away as strictly for Goku. For the Goku in all of them.

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That evening after dinner.

Hakkai pulled out his pajamas and Gojyo stepped up behind him. He slipped his hands under Hakkai’s shirt and whispered, “Do you really need pajamas?”
Hakkai smiled, “No, I suppose not.”
“Good because I want to feel your skin next to mine as I sleep.” He crossed his arms and pulled Hakkai’s shirt off. “Let’s wash these; I want you in them tomorrow.”
Hakkai nodded as he slipped his hands under Gojyo’s waistband and nudged his lover’s pants down, “I’d like you in these tomorrow also.”
“In them or out of them?”
“Both.” Hakkai turned in Gojyo arms, “But, tonight I would like to sleep. I’m exhausted.”
Gojyo smiled. He was glad Hakkai said it because he didn’t think he could; although, he wanted to, “Sure if you insist. You had a rough day.”
Hakkai nodded, “Yeah. A few boundaries were expanded.”
Gojyo nodded, “Yep. And I liked it.”
Hakkai sighed, “I have to admit, I liked it to.”
Gojyo smiled as he slid between the sheets. Finally, some honesty.

Gojyo was a little bit mistaken. Ah’Nesty wasn’t here -- yet. She was currently laying in a hotel room fast asleep. She figured if she was going to be trapped somewhere it was going to be some place comfortable. Since she was some what close, she would try to make the trek to Blanctic. It would be difficult with four wheels, but she had confidence that she would be there -- eventually. She wouldn’t get there tomorrow, that much she knew.
Hakkai clicked off the light and nestled down in the warm bedding.
Gojyo turned his head.
Hakkai turned his head.
They blinked at each other. They felt so far away. This had to be the biggest bed they had ever shared.
Gojyo scooted closer to Hakkai.
Hakkai scooted closer to Gojyo.
Gojyo scooted closer still.
Hakkai scooted yet closer.
Finally after some adjusting, they were able to sleep next to each other. For hours most of the bed went unused. At some point, Gojyo rolled over on his side as did Hakkai.
They rested for a little while. Facing away from each other and without physical contact.
Hakkai was in a world known as dream:
He stood on a narrow path. The sides of this world just past the edges of the path sloped down sharply. One side was a barren waste land full of darkness and dying vegetation. The other side was a lush but overgrown jungle.
A man appeared before him. Hakkai immediately recognized the older man as Jeremy Bentham the great philosopher and father of selfless hedonism. He was also the creator of “The Hedonic Calculus“. Bentham spoke, “ Epicurus thought he had it all figured out too.”
Hakkai nodded, “His philosophy was great, but flawed.”
Bentham nodded, “Yes, but didn’t it seem simple? Pain versus pleasure. Pain bad. Pleasure good. Pleasure can be boiled down to the absence of pain.”
Hakkai nodded, “Simple pain avoidance. Many still misunderstand what he was trying to say and use his views as justification for less than desirable living.” Hedonism, including Epicurus’s form of Hedonism, carried well beyond pleasures of the flesh to pleasures of the mind and sprit.
Bentham nodded again, “Yes, but is that his fault?”
Hakkai shook his head, “No. Nor is it a good blueprint on life’s decisions.”
“I thought I had it all worked out too,” Bentham sighed, “But Mill straightened that out.”
“Yes, by adding Extent to the Calculus, Mill really secured your work.”
Bentham glanced at Hakkai, “Some still use it to justify murder.”
Hakkai glanced at Bentham, “Sometimes murder is justified.”
Bentham raised an eyebrow,” Then, what is the issue?”
Hakkai sat down on his narrow path, “What happens when pain and pleasure mix?”
Bentham sat down next to Hakkai and draped an arm over the young man’s shoulders, “Then, my over-thinking friend, you adjust the Purity rating.”
“Down or up?”
Bentham shrugged, “To me it is clear. Pain makes it go down after the calculations.”
Hakkai sighed, “It’s not so clear to me anymore.”
Suddenly the wasteland and the jungle flipped sides. Hakkai blinked and wrung his hands.
Bentham sighed, “Remember the work of those before me.”
“Epicurus?”
“No, Aristotle and Socrates. Vice and virtue.”
Hakkai nodded. Philosophy was as close to faith as he got. It was nearly a religion for him. “The dichotomy of vice and virtue.”
Bentham raised an eyebrow, “Is it really a dichotomy or a bell curve? Bravery in and of itself is neutral.”
Hakkai continued, “But when one possesses too little it becomes cowardice. When one possesses too much it becomes stupidity.”
Bentham nodded, “Same goes for fear.”
Hakkai nodded, “Yes.”
The wasteland and the jungle flipped sides again.
Bentham cleared his throat, “We live in a world of happy mediums. It is rare that pleasure is at the top of the scale for Purity.”
Hakkai rattled off the scales of “The Hedonic Calculus“, “Intensity, Duration, Certainty, Propinquity, Fecundity, Purity and Extent each even a numerical value between one and ten. The pain score is subtracted from the pleasure score; then, a decision is made. It sounds so simple and I use to believe it was. Now, I’m not so sure.”
Bentham smiled, “That is because you are living a little more for yourself these days. Isn’t that what you once told yourself you were going to do?”
Hakkai shook his head, “No, that is what I asked Kanan if it was alright for me to do. I never heard her answer.” He turned his head and looked at Bentham, “Why does she not answer?”
Bentham tilted his head, “Has she not answered or has she answered and you did not hear it? You may have not been ready to hear it. Or possibly, maybe, you heard the answer and you did not realize it came from her?”
Hakkai knitted his brow. That helped clear up the confusion not one little bit.
Bentham pointed at the jungle, “Take a long look at your utopia that you have so carefully built. It is overgrown. Some plants are strangling the others. The smaller plants at the bottom die from lack of sunlight. Some animal populations have out numbered their nesting and food supplies. Other species are too small in number, finding a mate is difficult and their survival is in doubt.”
The ground shook and the jungle and wasteland switched sides.
Hakkai listened intently trying to understand.
Bentham pointed at the wasteland. “Now, take a long look at what you have denied and tried to rush through death throes. It looks dead, it looks long gone and unsalvageable, but hidden deep below the surface there is life waiting to be let out. Microbes, minute scavengers and simple decomposers work the soil beneath the dying trees and decomposing corpses. There are seeds in the dirt waiting for the right mixture of water and light to grow and flourish.”
The ground shook again the jungle and wasteland did not change sides.
Hakkai struggled to wrap his mind around Bentham’s words. Why did philosophers have to be so cryptic? He eyed the wasteland, “I do not wish to go back there.” He looked at the jungle, “Can I repair this or is Darwin going to take it?”
Bentham sighed, “Darwin might take you.”
The ground shook again this time more violently.
Hakkai looked at the path below him. The path -- the narrow strip between the two sides. It looked so narrow and slippery. What if he were to slip into the wasteland? That did not look like a pleasant place. However, the jungle although lush made him feel small and lost. “The path before me is difficult.”
Bentham nodded, “Yes, my young protégé, your path has always been difficult.”
Hakkai looked down the path before him and Cho Gonou stepped up onto the path seemingly ridged as if he just lifted from underneath it mid-step. “I would like a word with you, Cho Hakkai.” Blood dripped from the human’s hands.
The ground shook and several trees fell in the wasteland. The black sky shattered and fell to the barren land in diamond shaped pieces.
An animal cried out from the jungle and a tree snapped in half --- it could no longer hold the weight to the thorny vines that covered it.
Hakkai’s disembodied voice whispered, “No.” He felt something heavy cross his abdomen and suddenly he was awake and in bed.
Gojyo was thrashing.
Hakkai dodged flailing arms and wrapped his arms around his lover’s shoulders, “Gojyo, it’s me. It’s Hakkai. It’s just us. Just you and just me.” He was expecting this, but their first night of sleep prior to Sanzo’s interruption gave him hope that it wouldn’t happen. As he rocked his lover in his arms he figured their physical closeness is what kept the nightmares at bay for Gojyo. Gojyo responded to touch -- Hakkai knew that. He wanted to smack himself for not keeping physical contact with his lover as they slept.
Crimson eyes popped open and Gojyo gasped. He tightened his hold around Hakkai and buried his face in his lover’s shoulder. He did not speak -- he wasn’t the talking kind.
Hakkai was the talking kind, “You were right there, weren’t you?”
Gojyo nodded as he wept. Fear still rang through him. He could taste sulfur on his tongue and he had no idea why.
Hakkai continued, “If felt so real.”
Gojyo nodded as he gasped for breath.
“You could feel everything and you experienced everything as if it were happening all over again.”
Gojyo shook as he squeezed his lover. He needed something to remind him that he was in a safe cabin, in the arms of a safe lover, doing safe things, and no one cared if he said yes or no. He felt himself being pulled away by the memories.
Hakkai gently stroked his hands along Gojyo’s back, “You experienced it in all three dimensions. You heard it. You smelled it. You saw it and felt it. You tasted the sulfuric tinge of fear on your tongue.” Hakkai knew because he too was plagued with very vivid nightmares. Luckily, his came with less and less frequency lately.
Gojyo slammed Hakkai backwards onto the bed and pinned his arms. Gojyo grumbled, “You don’t own me.”
Hakkai panicked as Gojyo’s hips crashed against his. This was going to be one rough fuck that he knew he couldn’t handle. He tried to worm his arms from Gojyo’s grasp and his lover’s hands chased him.
Gojyo bit down on Hakkai’s collar bone and Hakkai cried out. He hoped the skin wasn’t broken. He knew in the morning Gojyo wouldn’t be able to live with himself.
Hakkai kicked his legs trying to get out from under his larger and suddenly extremely strong lover.
Intensity: Pleasure column a rank of 1. The pain column a rank of 9. This was going to hurt like Hell.
Gojyo clamored after the body beneath him.
Duration: Pleasure column a rank of 1. There would be no duration of the nonexistent pleasure. Pain column a rank of 7. With Gojyo’s stamina that might need to be adjusted.
Hakkai tried to slip his legs between Gojyo’s. He lifted his knees and tried to work his feet under Gojyo’s thighs. Gojyo quickly slipped his arms under Hakkai’s knees.
Hakkai knitted his brow. That was not a wise move. He was really trapped now.
Certainty. He was certain there would be no pleasure a rank of 1. He was certain there would be pain a rank of 10.
Wait. Was it that clear anymore? Hadn’t he experienced the delicious twisting of pan and pleasure beneath this lover? Hadn’t he given that same twist?
Certainty: A wash, both columns get a 5.
Wait! Those experiences were enjoyed during controlled games not violent ravishing. The time for debate was not now. He’d keep it at a wash.
Hakkai tried to kick Gojyo off him. He slapped his hands into the bedding and pushed with such force he lifted his back from the mattress. Gojyo was pushed back a little bit, but not enough.
Propinquity : This was immediate. The pain would not be delayed. Pleasure from helping heal Gojyo would be delayed. Pleasure column : 5 , Pain column : 8.
Hakkai used his knees against Gojyo’s arms as leverage and twisted. He was able to turn onto his side before Gojyo rocked him and returned him to his back. One shot of chi would take care of this, but how would that effect Gojyo?
Fecundity: No additional pleasure would be had from this. No additional pain would be had either. This was a stand alone occurrence. No, wait that’s not quite right. By doing this Gojyo might receive the pleasure of working out his problems and future pain could be avoided for it might not happen again. Pleasure: 6 ; Pain : 3.
Hakkai felt Gojyo slip a hand between them and five fingers gripped into his upper inner thigh. His leg was pushed into the mattress. Gods! That hurt! He cried out again.
Purity: Purity! Purity! That’s part of the original confusion! How could he rank this? He’d call it a wash. Five and Five.
Gojyo’s free arm slid from around his not-pinned leg and against his upper chest. Hakkai felt that forearm slide to his neck.
Extent: How many people were going to be affected? Just them. And just Hakkai as far as pain went. Unless Gojyo realized what he was doing. That would crush him. Pleasure : 1 Pain: 10.
Hakkai scrambled to work the Calculus. Pleasure 24 and Pain 47 a total of 23 in the pain column. On a scale of 7 to 70 a score of 23 was tolerable.
Hakkai stopped fighting.
Emerald eyes went wide. In his panic he did it wrong. That wasn’t selfless hedonism. He was factoring for himself not for Gojyo.
This was a huge problem with the Hedonic Calculus. It wasn’t meant for real quick decisions. However, Hakkai had used it so often and so much that he naturally went to it and factored through it rapidly.
Hakkai coughed and felt Gojyo’s fingers bruising his thigh.
Gojyo’s Calculus as seen through Hakkai’s eyes:
Through the eyes of selfless hedonism:
Gojyo would feel no pain during the act and possibly pleasure.

Intensity: Pleasure: 5 Pain: 1
Gojyo would not feel non-existent pain and the duration of potential pleasure for his lover could be great.

Duration: Pleasure 7 Pain: 1
Gojyo might be helped by this. Might be. That was a level of uncertainty. If he remembered doing this he would be hurt. If. that was a level of uncertainty. This one remained a wash.

Certainty: Pleasure 5 Pain : 5
This could warrant great amount of future pleasures. Gojyo might need to get this out of his system in order to sleep peacefully. It could also cause Gojyo pain if he ever found out. Hakkai would never speak of it. So, the pain factor was less.

Propinquity: Pleasure : 7 Pain: 4
If this worked out Gojyo’s issues. There would not be the need to do this again. Thus the fecundity score for pleasure and pain would be low.

Fecundity: Pleasure 2: Pain: 2
This was a mixed bag for Gojyo for both pain and pleasure. This would be called as a wash.
Purity: Pleasure 5 : Pain: 5
The only one to feel pain from this would be Hakkai. No, that wasn’t true. If Gojyo found out what he was doing then Gojyo would feel pain. However that left them with only the two involved, right? No, when Gojyo was hurting before it spread through the group. He factored extent all wrong before! Pleasure would spread to Hakkai if this worked thus it would spread to the group. Therefore ---
Extent: Pleasure: 5 Pain : 5
Totals: Pleasure: 36 Pain: 23 Grand total -13 which translates to 13 in the pleasure column.
With that, Hakkai just rationalized that it was acceptable to allow Gojyo to rape him. He just rationalized to the extent of absurdity. Unknowingly, just like he did when he was a child.
Papers rustled in Tenpou’s pockets, but they did not free themselves.
Bentham would not be happy. He would not be proud. This was a complete misuse of his work. Besides, extent is not to be factored when working The Calculus for a another person and Hakkai had a major flaw with his Fecundity rating. The green eyed man did not work this right.
Hakkai relaxed his body and completely stopped resisting. He bit his lips closed in hopes that Gojyo would not hear him scream. He squeezed his eyes shut to hold back the tears. He had two main hopes. One, that this helped Gojyo. Two, he didn’t have too many bruises to explain.
Gojyo shifted his hips and emerald eyes popped open. Gojyo was flaccid. Completely and totally flaccid -- even in his subconscious, in the warped world the half-breed was currently traveling, Gojyo did not want to do this.
Thank the butterflies for Mill’s importance of free will, Gojyo‘s deep seated rejection of rape and Gojyo’s stubbornness.
Hakkai cried out, “Gojyo! What’s my name?”
Gojyo froze.
Several tense moments passed in the darkness as reality settled into Gojyo. He softly spoke, “Cho Hakkai.” He took in their positioning. His lover -- lover -- was pinned beneath him. He had an arm on Hakkai’s neck. He had Hakkai’s leg wrenched into a position that couldn’t be comfortable. The bedding showed definite signs of struggle. They were both naked. Panic and fear tried to hide in emerald eyes, but Gojyo still saw it in there. He never wanted to see that look in those eyes or any other eyes that were under him.
He blinked as he realized he was about to rape his lover.
Crimson eyes squeezed closed as Gojyo wrapped his arms around Hakkai’s shoulders. A string of “Oh God’s“, “Oh Shit’s” and “I’m sorry’s” flew from Gojyo as he tried to comfort Hakkai.
Hakkai answered Gojyo’s pleas with a string of “I’m Ok’s”, “Are you ok’s” , and “You didn’t hurt me’s”. He tried to comfort his crying friend.
Gojyo was crushed. Hakkai knew it.
The rest of the night was spent with Gojyo holding onto Hakkai like there was no tomorrow. Gojyo was pleading for his lover’s forgiveness and begging Hakkai to not leave him.
Hakkai answered each one of those pleas with open forgiveness and he used every phrase and all words he could conjure to assure his lover that he wasn’t leaving. Hakkai honestly saw no transgression that needed forgiveness, but if his lover needed to hear those words he would say them. He would say them as many times as necessary.
“I’m sorry.”
“I forgive you.”
“Please, don’t leave me.”
“I’m not going to leave you.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“I’m so sorry”
This carried on as Hakkai watched the sun lighten the sky. He was determined to make it a good morning, a great day and somehow figure a way to help his lover. He already suspected that he knew how.
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[End of Chapter]

Endnote: The songs across the radio. I tried to time them with my reading (and editing ) speed -- somewhat. Trying to time with the actions was beyond my ability.

In Order of Use:

Grove Coverage “God is a Girl” (techno remix)

Samantha Fox “Touch Me”

Madonna “Justify My Love”

Nine Inch Nails “Fuck You Like an Animal”

Poison “Talk Dirty to Me”

Samantha Fox “I Surrender”

George Michael “I Want Your Sex”

Korn “A.D.I.D.A.S” (remix)

********Reviewer Feedback*******

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Zil 2004-12-23

Hello and welcome to Zil's Review. >_>;

You are one of the few people who can make me squeal when reading a fanfiction. Squeal. Ya' know. Like a piggie.

The whole snowman gig and the Rudolf parody was great. I haven't laughed so much in a long, long time. Kudos to you~!

I was about an hour into the fiction, and I was surprised to see that I wasn't even halfway done. You really do a good, lengthy job on each one of your chapters, and I envy your skills as an authoress~!

On a second note, Konzen needs to just shut the hell up. We all know he wants to do Goku, but he probably never got to it, so he's taking out his anger on Sanzo. :B

On a third note, I'm gonna join Clojaku in leaving reviews for every chappu you do. :O

-Waves hello to Clo.- :O

Well, this has been Zil with her daily rant. Woohoo~!

And remember, childeren. Never let your Sanzos stare at the raining sky for too long~! They might drown. Like uhm. A turkey.

Zil --- Nice to meet you! Thank you for making your presence known in the jeep. Squeals? I love squeals! *Happy Dance* I evoked a squeal. Woo-hoo!
I’m glad you liked the snowman bit and the Rudolph parody. I almost didn’t put that in. I thought it was kinda lame. I showed it to a few people, they thought it was funny so I had to make it into the fic. I’m glad the humor carried.
Long chatpers -- I think my chapters are getting too long. I’m trying to cut them back, but it doesn’t seem to be working. I know a contributing factor is that I’m including the Goku and Sanzo stuff -- I don’t want to cut that out over something like length. I also don’t want to skimp too much on the details. I fought with myself and I figured I would just trust the reader to put and pick back up the fic as their lives allowed. No one seems to be complaining about the length, so I’m not going to fret about it until someone does.
Konzen does need to shut the hell up. He’s irking my damn nerves. I’m trying to get some 3/9 lemons in here and he just won’t get off the freaking soap box. Dang it! I have to admit finding this out did make some of Sanzo’s more questionable reactions make a bit more sense to me. Sigh. I wish I had control over this dang thing --- on second thought -- no, I don’t. I like the surprises.
Thank you so very much for taking the time to review. It means A LOT.
Cupnjava c[~]~~~*sip*
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CloeyKujaku 2004-12-23
This has to be my favorite chapter of all. Time. You have no FRIGGIN' idea how much I was cracking up during this chapter. That song will remain in my head all day. CURSE YOU! (Falls off chair laughing.) Sanzo The Blonde Haired Priest...Har...

That little pad thing was friggin' funny and sexy at the same time. Hakkai is such a loveable tease! I just kept imagining all the crap Gojyo probably felt during that experieince. Poor thing was probably going insane. Hahaha, I'm in stitches.

How is it you can make me want to molest Goku even more so than I already want to?! Your ability to create such strong emotions in your writing is so enviable. I felt so bad for him! Sitting there in his sleep and trying to call out to Sanzo. Naaaa, I want to hug him! I'll be your sun! (Sniff.)

And yet again, I want to sock Konzen. Even if he's just fucking with Sanzo. He's so damn annoying! Haha, Sanzo's getting a taste of his own medicine. Poor priest.

...Tenpou and nitrogen.. That does NOT mix well.

Funny, whenever I read this, I'm talking to a friend of mine and we just OBSESS over this fic. We love you so much! ..COOL! I'm your master! Hahaha! (Cracks whip.) Update soon! (Love bites and waves.)

Happy Holidays!!!

----Clojaku

CloeyKujaku --- Your favorite chapter? GREAT! I wanted to get back into where RAHO was with the fun and humor. I’m glad it worked and carried. WHEW. Sometimes tense situations are best handled via humor. And *wiggle eyebrow* physical therapy.
I find it hard to make Goku “sexy”. I suppose I’m a bit like Konzen meaning that there are times I see him as too young to be participating in some of the more “breathy” activities. Maybe on some levels this is convincing me that it really is alright to put him in a lemon. Konzen does need a solid fist to the mouth. Piss me off!
Tenpou and Nitro -- I want to print out that pic of him standing with the papers in his hand looking over his glass add put the words “Just Say No to Nitro” and put it on a t-shirt. LOL!
Yes, master -- writing master -- writing --- right now. Please ma’am may I have some more?
Ok that creeped me out. LOL
Thank you so very much for all your support.
Cupnjava c[~]~~~*sip*
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Mzblue 2004-12-23
You've done it yet again. You fic has brought tears to my eyes, ruined a good pair of panties and brought about a nice inner warm glow. I will never look at a snowman again without snickering! Plus I loved the Saiyuki inspired Carol, its a miracle nobody was shot. I truly say all of your hard work shows in the love and detail you put into your fic. Hmm, Nitro in candles??? Talk about getting more bang for your buck, hehehe. Speaking of banging, heh, excellant lemon. I can't wait to see what you bring us, the loyal readers next. I hope Santa brings you many Saiyuki presents, you truly deserve them! Happy Holidays to all!!!!

Mzblue --- You know me, I’m all about ruining underwear. LOL. And tears -- yeah there are some sappy, but heartwarming moments in there. Giggle. I think Sanzo didn’t shoot anyone because that wouldn’t encourage Goku to come out. Whew we’re lucky the hard-ass has a creamy center. LOL
Like the lemon did ya? Coolies I’ve trying to get them by a fire and this just seemed perfect. If I could draw I would totally get that from Gojyo’s perspective (Hakkai leaning back flanked by flames) and then a wider shot showing them both together. Damn it! Why can’t I draw! Arrrggghhh.
That’s ok we have it in our mind’s eye and no one can take that from us. Ahhhh.
I hope your holidays went well, dear. I always look forward to hearing from you.
Cupnjava c[~]~~~*sip*
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Shadowfox13 2004-12-25

Hehe, another wonderful chapter CJ, I really enjoyed this one. The growing trust and intimacy between Hakkai and Gojyo was shown really well and I found it very Sweet. The lonliness Goku experienced was a rather powerful experience, almost as if one was there. Also the inner turmoil Sanzo deals with was very clear. But I think my favorite parts have to be the intimate moments between Hakkai and Gojyo. I can't wait to see what more you will add to this very fascinating fanfiction and journey. ^.^V

Shadowfox13 --- Sweetness where would I be without all your help and input. Thank you so much! I like showing them getting closer -- I think that’s important. This actually links back to something a few chapters ago talking about leaving the initial lustful stage and falling into comfortable. Hakkai is so guarded about himself while seemingly being open. Sly little devil. Gojyo isn’t all that of an open book either. The favor parts are the lemons -- you betcha! There’s a reason I post on Adult fanficiton.net and that would be the lemons. Lemons, lemons and more lemons. One of these days, I’m just gonna write a pwp that’s only about how much sex can we cram into one day. Hmmm maybe that’s foreshadowing for the future chapters? Hmmm….maybe.
Thank you again for all that you do and see ya on Yahoo.
Cupnjava c[~]~~~*sip*
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Silvertales6 2004-12-28
“They also enjoyed the requisite number of step typical sappy moment that included bamboozling Konzen into a set of foam reindeer antlers -- which he was forced to wear for the rest of the day."

HAHAHAHAHAAH! I was once also squeezed into a pair of those...not fun. I sympathize with Konzen.

Finally, they get around to saying "I love you". Took 'em long enough. Snowman building and 'vibrator training' as my one friend called it. A good chappie for Christmas. Now i'm looking for one for New Years Eve...? Just kidding...you take a break. You've earned it.

kbye

kisses and hugs,

SilverTales6

Silvertales6 --- I’ve been squished into those antlers too -- so I can relate. LOL. *grumble*
The three little words --- finally , ya know. Geez! I kept screaming at them. We already know it why don’t you just say it! Gods! I do like how once that dam was broken the water flowed freely. I hoping this is a sign of deeper closeness to come. Vibrator Training --- giggle. That’s a great phrase for it. Hakkai may seem passive in bed -- but in reality he’s a subtle dom. Gotta love that!
New Years eve chappy? Hmmm -- missed it by a week sorry. I hope I’m still working on this for Valentines Day. That is going to be an urasai that’s for sure.
Thank you so very much for all your support. I really appreciate it.
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Flamingolo 2004-12-28
Why you...you wonderful writer you. What an great ability you keep displaying; projecting emotions via atmosphere, dialogue, etc. so masterfully. This chapter had everything, from humor to heart-wrenching. Such a wicked sense of humor you have, I just loved the 'Shrek' parts and the imagery of Sanzo building a snowman had me alternately rolling with laughter and 'aw'-ing. I've always liked how you bounce between scenes and characters, and this chapter had a lovely balance of bouncing while maintaining interest in each little scene; something that I find to be a rarity in ficcies ^_^ Great chapter, and although I have to say I tend to go for the more angsty scenes, I completely melted when Gojyo and Hakkai finally said 'IT'. Not to mention the sweetness in Sanzo that you display in such an IC way, it's frightening. I know I've said it before, but I think you've grasped Sanzo's personality immaculately; although he seems like/is a bit of a cold-hearted bastard, we all know he's got a nice creamy *grins* center, don't we? Anyway, lovely job, ever looking forward to reading more from you. Happy holidays!

Flamingolo --- Hello again dear! Your words are so glowing *blush* I’m glad this fic continues to entertain you. Sometimes it feels like the bar has been set so high and I get scared that I can’t meet it.
I have an unusual sense of humor -- I can be twisted. I’m glad you enjoy it.
I’m thankful that you mentioned Sanzo’s creamy center. First I have to say I have a vision of Gojyo looking as Sanzo, “Aww cut the crap, Sanzo, we all know you have a nice creamy center.” Oh yeah -- that’s instant death just add gunshot. LOL!!!
Seriously, thank you for reminding everyone of it. I’ll be working with it a bit during the private moments with Goku.
Ya want more do ya? Well -- there is more. The well isn’t dry yet.
Thank you so much for all of your support. I really do look forward to your views and input.
Cupnjava c[~]~~~*sip*

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PuffMonkey 2004-12-28
Well it is nice to know that on some level a reference to me was made! ;) You did a great job of "fixing" this so that I don't have to skin you now! I'm so glad my internet is up and running again so I can read these wonderful bits of imagination. Nice touch with the Sanzo thing and I hope this is going where I think it is..... but let me get back to reading so I can be the judge of that!

Love Ya....Mean It!

Puff Monkey !!!! *throws arms around in great big hug* Now that work has changed and your school has changed maybe we can reconnect via messenger! I’m relieved that you don’t have to skin me alive anymore. So, do you and SpiderBoy still see me as a Gojyo-Hater? LOL I *LOVE* the Kappa! I’ve missed you insight. I’m glad things have settled for you and I get pick your brain again. HUGGLES! HUGGLES!
Maybe once you hit summer break we can go back to meeting at my place and having our Saiyuki-fests again? *puppy dog eyes* Oh and by the way -- where is that pic of them dressed in leather on motorcycles that you told me about. Hmmm -- I note the lack of it in my inbox. Giggle. Send me that one and I’ll share the one of Tenpou and Kenren in bed with an “after” cigarette. Yes… I’m TOO evil.
Oh and BTW -- I’m working on another yaoi AMV -- this one is rated NC-17.
Cupnjava c[~]~~~*sip*
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Addictedtomarbles 2005-01-01
Deliciously wonderful my dear and a lovely early christmas present for me too. I loved the deep tissue massager and the scene by the fire was so tender and sweet and yet naughtily erotic (they said the magic words too, I almost missed them, you sneaked them in, clever) We also saw Sanzo's protective side coming out too and I like Konzen trying to work on Sanzo about both Hakkai and Goku (he doesn't give up does he? Being such a daddy to Gaiden Goku must have made him think that Goku hasn't grown up).I also liked the hints about Gonou being a bit of a man-whore; we don't hear much about him generally, only that he was a teacher and had Kanan, I'm looking forward to this gap being filled. Also I noticed the reminder that Hakkai doesn't remember ALL of his abusive past, unlike Gojyo which gives a hint of explanation why the Hakkai-mind is a bit suspicious/scathing of Gonou-mind. Rambling now ... the scar and labor pains, re-birth, conceiving in blood, motherly, Oedipus complex, it's all very complicated, but gives me loads to think about and speculate on. Thrills. I've started to use ensoulled in regular speech now and the phrase "Hakkai was going nuts" made me laugh ... I don't know why, maybe I've been alone with the liquor chocolates too long.

Keep going and going, I'm loving every minute of this. Hope you had a good Christmas and a great New Year

Addictedtomarbles --- Sneaking in the three little words -- there were other times in the fic where the situation just seemed “perfect” for it, but that felt clichéd. Nothing is “perfect” for either of them so why should that moment be. I also like the nearly asleep bit because they were both tired enough to be truthful without over thinking.
You nailed the Konzen thing -- He very much functioned in a “father” role in heaven. This relationship between Sanzo and Goku feels wrong to him on many levels. He cannot seem to accept that Goku has grown up. I think that might be along the lines of if he grows up, then I am no longer needed. For that I’m pulling on that episode where Goku comes crashing through the window and wipes out a whole bunch of demons. Hakkai and Gojyo are making jokes about not being needed -- I think Sanzo was really feeling not needed by the little guy at that point. That is also around the time where I suspect I’m seeing some Konzen influence in Sanzo. I could and probably am reading too much into the scene. I’ve done it before and will do it again.
Hakkai and Gonou don’t get alone for a variety of reasons. They are very different and yet similar. It is an odd dynamic. Yeah, Gonou was a bit of a horn-dog that’s for sure.
I personally would love to see “Hakkai going NUTS” especially in that context. I see it as there are a few situations where Hakkai will drop the outer façade and just let himself go. Gojyo, due to their closeness, gets to see that. It has taken Hakkai a good while to get that comfortable and I think Gojyo being in the blindfold gave Hakkai just enough cover to let go. Poor guy, wants Gojyo in so bad, but just can’t figure out how to do it.
Hmmm -- chocolates. Yes, I think I need to dip into my boxes. LOL
As always, I look forward to and appreciate your insight and comments. Thank you so much for taking the time to review.
Cupnjava c[~]~~~*sip*

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vampunk 2005-01-03
You're Sanzo is amazing. I truly love this story. And this chapter was just hot! I'm a sucker for GokuxSanzo. Keep it up!

vamping ---- I’m glad you like my Sanzo. I’m rather nervous about him. I tend to play him too hard or too soft -- I think. I hope you continue to see him as I C. I’m concerned about the length of these chapters, but I’m not willing to cut the 3/9 stuff due to something so silly as length. I am a dedicated 5/8 fan girl and I’m glad you rode along with us to get to your favorite pairing. Yes, this fic is a 5/8 fic. It centers around those two and seems to really center around Hakkai, but they do not fuctiuon in a void. Thank you for taking time to review and thank you for your kinda comments. I suspect , if you think Sanzo is still I.C. , you’ll really like chapter 14.
Cupnjava c[~]~~~*sip*
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