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Relax and Hang On -- Again	By : cupnjava Category: Gensomaden Saiyuki > General Views: 20723 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaden Saiyuki, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 14
- 15
- 16
Chapter Summary: It was once said, “The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry“. Hakkai has a plan. Be ye not so quick to forget the butterflies, serendipity, comics, enlightenment and toys.

RAHO: XV Blanctic Day Two : The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men

The sun rose and then the sun woke up. Violet eyes winced as morning rays reflected off the white snow and through the window. Sanzo scanned the young man beside him. Goku wasn’t sprawled out like he normally slept. He was curled on his side clutching at Sanzo’s pajama top again. Blonde eyebrows knitted. He knew that Goku was aware that solitude was a thing of the past, but it seemed that particular wound was going to take a while to truly heal.
Not young and yet not old. Not stupid and yet ignorant. Wise and yet naïve. Surrounded by people and yet in many ways totally alone. Yes indeed ,Goku might be the saddest and most troubled of them all.
Porcelain fingers skated through brunette strands. What must have it been like to be that alone? So terribly alone that snow scares you? Yet, resilient enough to make an object of fear a toy? How does it come to be that one can command the strength to defend against gods, but lacks the social graces to know when to be angry? What is it like to not even know that one should be bitter? And, probably most importantly, how is it that Goku just understood some things?
The relationship that he and Goku shared would confuse most people. They had no rules for there was an unspoken connection. There was no adherence to spoken promises or declarations -- there was just this understanding that guided them toward each other when one or the other needed.
Lilly white fingers dipped into a groove in a golden diadem. What mysteries did this thing possess? What level of isolation comes along with needing a limiter from materials only forged by divine hands? Sanzo sighed. And, just when was it that Sanzo commanded the power to replace that coronet with it broke?
Why was it that as they traveled there were more questions than answers? Or maybe, he had the answers, but hadn’t conjured the questions. Sanzo winced. Maybe, he paid more attention to those damn temple classes than he thought. All that deep thinking and enlightenment crap. Was that where enlightenment really resided? In deep thought? He scanned Goku.
Here lay Goku -- freckles and all. Here he lay sleeping with visions of meat buns dancing in his head and thoughts of egg rolls waiting in the cue.
A sleeping Goku mumbled something.
Sanzo knitted his brow and whispered, “What?”
“…forgot….tell….ame.”
Sanzo twisted his fingers into Goku’s clutching hand. This hand which was attached to that arm which was attached to that body which comprised the flesh shell of that young man. That young man who was left to his own devices for , if the stories were true, somewhere around 500 years. Left alone with a tiny window to the world -- everything had to be learned through that window.
At one time, Goku had to figure out all that he knew completely on his own. He was left to his own rationalizations. He was left to his own logic. Which wasn’t exactly his strong suit, but somehow the golden-eyed wonder figured solutions and understandings out via “Goku Logic”. He simplified until something made sense.
“Goku Logic” is what put happiness in that heart. It put a smile on that freckled face and it put a grumble in that stomach. Somehow “Goku Logic” made Goku alright. Save for the occasional snowfall, Goku was the embodiment of resilience. He had this all straight in his head; as long as no one poked around in there -- he was alright. As long as no one confused him with “conventional” thought or unnecessary social constraints --- Goku had it all figured out.
“Whatcha looking at Sanzo?” Golden eyes blinked and his baffling dream was forever gone.
Sanzo knitted his brow as Goku’s nose came into focus. What had he been spying and what had be been seeing? “A monkey that needs to get out of bed.”
Goku nodded, “Is breakfast ready?”
Sanzo sighed. Time to get up meant breakfast -- Goku logic. “I don’t know.”
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Hakkai pulled back a bit and cradled Gojyo’s face in his hands. The half-breed’s face was damp and hot under his fingers. Emerald eyes locked with crimson ones, “Gojyo, can you see me?”
“Uh-huh.” Gojyo had his legs curled around Hakkai’s hips and his fingers gripped into the smaller man’s ribs. Crimson eyebrows knitted and Gojyo sniffled. His eyes were swollen, his nose was red and his lips were puffy. He was not a graceful crier especially when something this precious was about to abandoned him -- and he couldn’t blame Hakkai. Couldn’t blame him one bit.
Hakkai hoped that was an affirmative reply. “Can you hear me?”
“Uh-huh.” Gojyo swam in emerald pools. Emerald pools that looked inviting and felt comforting. Where was the anger he should be seeing?
“Can you feel me touching you?”
“Yes.” Gojyo felt Hakkai’s hands on his face. He felt the brunette’s rips under his fingers. He felt the demon’s hips near his ankles. He felt his friend’s presence all around him.
“Ok, I want you to listen to me. Listen hard.” Hakkai smiled a sweet gentle simile, “I’m not leaving you. I’m not giving up on you.” His thumb dipped in and out of the depressions of two scars, “You did not do anything wrong. You hear me, nothing wrong.” Hakkai pulled Gojyo into his chest. “Nothing wrong,” He repeated himself in a soft whisper as his hand ran along the back of crimson strands.
Gojyo melted into Hakkai with the crown of his head pressing into a comforting chest. “How can you say that, Hakkai?” Crimson eyes blinked as the morning sun provided enough light to see five small circular bruises in his lover’s thigh, “Oh, dear god, Hakkai, I bruised you.” He tightened his arms around his lover, “What the fuck have I become? I bruised you. Bruised you. You.”

Hakkai slowly pulled a sage green sheet over his thigh.
Gojyo pushed the sheet away, “Don’t shield me from what I’ve done!” His voice softened, “What I was going to do.”
Hakkai returned the sheet to his thigh. He tried to lift Gojyo‘s face, but Gojyo resisted, “You weren’t going to do anything except not sleep.”
Gojyo removed the sheet and looked at each of the little yellow marks. They were light bruises, but bruises nonetheless. Did that woman manage to break him? Did she manage to change him into --- this? “You’re not the only one that can figure shit out, Hakkai, I know what I was going to do. Lying to me won’t change facts.”
Hakkai again tried to lift Gojyo’s face, but had to lower his to meet that crimson gaze, “I’m not lying to you. Physically, you were unable to do anything.”
Gojyo put his hand on Hakkai’s thigh and lined up the bruises with his fingertips, “I was able to do enough.”
Hakkai sighed, “Gojyo, you were flaccid.” He closed his eyes. Today is going to be a good day. Today is going to be a good day. Today is going to be a good day. Today is going to be a good day. Today is going to be a good day. “Why don’t we talk about his in a more comfortable setting?”
Gojyo just sat there looking at his lover’s thigh. When had he become this? When had he become the one that hurt? When had he become the one that caused bruises? He wanted to kiss each and everyone of those bruises and make them better -- just make them go away. He wanted to turn his face in disgust over what he was obviously becoming.
Hakkai sighed, “I’m going to run the bath water. I’m going to be in the bath, in nice warm water and I’m going to turn on the jets. I think it would be a horrible waste of water for all of that to be used on one person.” He touched his fingers to Gojyo’s chin. This time Gojyo allowed his face to be lifted and Hakkai softly smiled, “You wouldn’t happened to know anyone that would like to share that water with me, would you?”
Gojyo blinked his gaze away, “I’m not sure I can trust myself to not hurt you in a situation like that.”
“Why? We’re close here. We’re naked here? Why should bath water make any difference.”
Gojyo’s jaw set. “The water.”
Hakkai smiled, “Well, I’m just going to have to stay in there until you come and get me.” Hakkai slipped from Gojyo’s embrace and headed off toward the bathroom.
Gojyo sighed and tucked one knee up to his chest. Maybe he should sleep on the couch? Maybe he should get another cabin? Maybe he needed to get his hands around that blonde bitch’s neck, his blade in her chest and truly fuck her up for this. Maybe he should leave her alive so she would have to live with the consequences of her actions. --- Crimson eyes went wide. He just scared himself. Gojyo -- Sha Gojyo did not leave victims. Maybe a corpse, but never so evil as to leave a victim. This line of thought scared him to the core and pissed him off. He was not going to let her win. He was not going to let her turn him into her.
His face lifted as he heard the water running. Sex. Sex and lots of it. He had to get away from this. He had to get out of his own head. He had to stop thinking and that was the only way he knew how to do it.
Bed hopping therapy, but this time Gojyo fully realized what he was doing. Instead of being a side effect -- an unintended consequence -- now he was trying for it.
He stood from the bed and headed for the bathroom.
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Clean, dry and dressed in their warmer clothing, Sanzo and Goku stepped from cabin thirty-nine. Violet eyes narrowed and scanned the door to cabin thirty-eight. Sanzo looked at the tire tracks in the snow and pulled the hood of his cloak over his head, “I want a paper.”
Goku knitted his brow and jogged a few steps to catch up with Sanzo, “But if the roads are bad, how does the newspaper person get here?”
The fan flew.
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The bathroom was set up thusly: the floor and lower half of the walls were covered with ceramic tile that was textured and colored in such a way as to make them look and feel like slate. The upper half of the walls were sheetrock painted with a semi-gloss, medium-tan paint. The ceiling carried that tan and then transitioned to a jumble of green forming an impressionists view of a tree canopy. That was Kanan’s idea.
The vanity supported a double vessel sink --- thick frosted glass. The faucet handles looked like twisted twigs and the faucets themselves were molded brushed aluminum mini-waterfalls. The water would come up the polished piping then after a downward bend the top of the tubing went away. The now revealed “inside” of the faucet was molded to look like rocks and the “waterfall” directed the water into the corresponding frosted glass sink. This was Ah’Nesty’s idea. It took a while to find the faucets, but after enough looking they found a metallurgist that understood her idea and made it come reality.
The light fixture above the mirror above the vanity was Kanan’s and Ah’Nesty’s idea. The fixture held four round bulbs. The base was a collage of river bed stones. The metal that held the bulbs was textured and painted in a way to look like short thick branches.
The shower and tub were Hakkai’s , rather Gonou’s, idea. The “slate” tile took one wide step up to a corner, self-contained shower unit. The outer semi-circle edge held heavily frosted glass doors. The main shower head came directly from the tiled ceiling. In the corner was a hand-held shower head and the single temperature control. There was one water-safe recessed lighting fixture in the shower. Gonou being the “creative” teenager he was made sure the shower enclosure was comfortable for more that one person. A fact that didn’t slip by the others involved with the construction, but they indulged the young man without comment. Plenty of snickers, but no comments.
The tub. The tub was glorious. Three wide tile steps supported the sunken pedestal tub. The edges of the dark-green porcelain rounded over the “slate” tile. The tub could be used as a regular tub, but there were jets. This wasn’t a hot tub per se. No, that wonderful item of modern technology was on the back porch of the cabin. A place Gojyo had yet to check.
The sides of the tub angled softly toward the bottom of the basin. There were several recessed jets at a variety of levels throughout the sides. This was heaven for one person and nirvana for two. The two faucets and temperature controls for the tub were similar to those of the sinks -- just a bit larger. The faucets and jet controls were mounted to the top step within easy reach for someone inside the tub. The depth was perfect for someone craving a good long soak.
Hakkai was sitting beside the tub controls watching the water fill. There was a bath basket sitting on the tile next to him. He had a medium sized bottle in his hand and a light green thick liquid poured from it.
Gojyo blinked as he sat down next to his lover. “Who ever picked this tub didn’t expect just one person to use it.”
Hakkai smiled and shrugged, “Why make people be alone?”
Gojyo knitted his brow, “You said you helped lay this tile.”
Hakkai nodded, “I did.” He sat the bottle down.
“Did you help design it?”
“I did.” He smiled as the bubbles began to foam.
Gojyo chuckled, “You weren’t entirely joking when you said you used your dick.”
Hakkai blushed. This cabin sat here for while and no one had called him on it quite like Gojyo. He trailed his fingers in the water leaving a gentle wake under shifting suds, tweaked the controls and glanced at his crimson topped lover.
Gojyo looked down at his fingers, “Thank you for being so nice to me. This is really nice. I never thought we’d stay in a place like this.” He sat down on the tile next to his friend and lover.
Hakkai smiled, “Well, you deserve it and we deserve it. This trip has been arduous; especially, considering that gods have become involved.” He turned off the faucets, turned on the jets and shifted.
As Hakkai shifted, the five bruises jeered at Gojyo. He closed his eyes and balled his hands.
Hakkai softly hissed as he sank into the hot water. He knitted his brow as he watched Gojyo. He put a soft smile on his face and lightly touched his lover’s knee, “Are you going to join me or are you just going to sit on the cold tile?”
Gojyo ran a hand through his locks and sighed. “I’m going to join you.” He slid into the water and leaned back.
Surrounded by hot moving water and soft bubbles. Two pieces of salvage faced each other. Hakkai lifted one leg and rested it across the top of Gojyo’s. Gojyo shifted his other leg and rested it top of Hakkai’s other leg.
Gojyo knitted his brow and touched his own collar bone. “Did I do that?” He eyed the bite mark on Hakkai. He wasn’t sure why he asked that -- hope maybe -- vain hope that he didn’t do it.
Hakkai wasn’t sure how to answer that question. He didn’t want to lie to Gojyo and he knew the truth would hurt his lover. He pulled a sponge from the bath basket and dunked it under the water, “You’re not an abuser, Gojyo. You’re working out issues right now. I’m trying to help you.”
Gojyo sighed as his fingers found Hakkai’s shin, “You should leave me.”
Hakkai leaned forward and wrung out the soft soapy sponge against his lover’s shoulder, “I’m not going to nor should I.”
Gojyo wrapped his fingers around Hakkai’s wrist and lifted his eyes into an emerald gaze, “What if I am becoming one? Becoming an abuser.”
Hakkai turned his hand and pressed a light kiss into Gojyo’s wrist. He smiled against his lover’s skin, “I won’t let you. Gojyo, it is fairly common for people with your history to become abusers, but it won’t happen to you.”
Gojyo released Hakkai’s wrist and closed his eyes as the warm water and soft sponge danced on his skin, “How can you be so sure?”
“You won’t let it and I won’t let it.”
Crimson eyes narrowed. Something poked at him from deep within his mind. Something was amiss. There were a few pieces missing. He was going to find out about them -- as soon as he could identify them.
Hakkai nibbled his bottom lip he could tell by the look on his lover‘s face that those mental wheels were turning. Please, don’t see it. Please, don’t figure it out. Hakkai lifted one of Gojyo’s feet. He worked the sponge over it and between his toes.
“Yesterday, you told me that we’re here because of me.” Gojyo was fishing for information. He rested his leg back under the water.
Hakkai nodded as he lifted Gojyo’s other leg, “Yes, I wanted a safe place to help you heal. I will admit that I’m thankful for the storm. This gives us time where we’re not on the road.”
Gojyo listened and watched as Hakkai worked soap over and around his foot. “How had you planned to help me heal?” He was hoping his fishing line would drop a bit deeper.
Hakkai shrugged, “By any means necessary.” Emerald eyes lifted, “I am determined to get my Gojyo back and keep him.” He smiled, “I hope you can handle that.” He softly chuckled, “You’re stuck with me.”
Gojyo didn’t fall for the subtle deflection. He jerked his fishing line. “I got a little rough in the living room yesterday and you said you expected that.”
Hakkai nodded as he wrung out the sponge. ”I did expect it. You need to reclaim your body and you’re working through some issues.” He leaned forward and ran the sponge over his lover’s chest. These distractions weren’t working.
Gojyo began to see his puzzle pieces. “You’ve been awfully accommodating with my requests.” This water and these attentions felt so good. It had been quite a while since he felt this physically comfortable.
Hakkai whispered, “Lean your head forward.” He wrung the sponge out over the back of Gojyo’s head, “You need someone to be accommodating right now. I’m thankful I can be that someone.” He wrung the sponge again and dropped it into the water. He began to work his fingers into Gojyo’s hair.
Gojyo closed his eyes and fell into the softness of Hakkai’s touch. This felt good -- so very good. Crimson eyes opened and his blood ran cold as he not only visualized the puzzle pieces but put them together. Water dripped form his elbows as he grabbed Hakkai’s shoulders. He grabbed that emerald gaze and held it. “Why am I still breathing? Why aren’t I at least hurting?”
Emerald eyes widened and then closed. Gojyo saw it and figured it out. Hakkai did not speak; he didn’t know what to say.
Gojyo shook Hakkai. “Open your eyes and look at me.”
The anger behind those words made Hakkai wince, but he opened his eyes.
“Please, Hakkai, oh dear god, please tell me, I am wrong. Tell me that last night you weren’t going to let me do that to you.”
Hakkai opened his mouth to speak, but words failed him.
Gojyo cut his gaze to the ceiling and tried to collect himself, “Help me heal, huh? By any means?” He bit his lips and knitted his brow. He took in a deep breath, “Just being accommodating? Damn it, Hakkai!” He took a hold of the emerald gaze again, “Tell me. Were you just going to let me rape you?”
Hakkai didn’t speak.
Gojyo shook him, “Tell me, damn it! Tell me!”
Hakkai softly spoke, “Yes.” He closed his eyes.
“Oh god damn it!” He jerked his hands from Hakkai and pushed his lover back a bit. He wrapped his fingers around his forehead. A fist splashed into the sudsy water, “Hakkai, my dick is not a weapon!”
Hakkai pushed a hand into his bangs. He did not want to have this conversation.
Gojyo eyed his closing off lover, “How can you tell me you wouldn’t let me become an abuser and yet let me do that?”
Emerald eyes lifted. One was blocked by his wrist but one found that crimson gaze, “Because by doing it -- you might heal.”
“I don’t want to heal that way.”
Hakkai dropped his hand, “Gojyo you---” He cut himself off. “If that’s what it takes, then that’s what we do.”
“Two wrongs don’t make a right.”
Hakkai nodded, “But two rights make a U-turn.”
Gojyo jerked his hands in the air, “What the fuck is that suppose to mean?”
Hakkai sighed, “You’ve been acting out since you first woke up. We’ve been making progress since we’ve worked on it. If you need to get a bit aggressive then fine. I can accept that.” He leaned forward and grabbed Gojyo’s hand, “If anyone understands what happens when you lose yourself, it is me.” He placed Gojyo’s hand against his scarred abdomen.
Gojyo paled. “Hakkai.” He curled his fingers against the sundered skin of his lover’s birth and death. “I understand what you are trying to say.” I think. “But, that doesn’t answer my question. What do you mean two rights make a U-turn? How does letting me hurt you help? What were you thinking?”
Hakkai nodded, “What were you thinking when you took off my limiter that time?” A brown eyebrow lifted, “You let me hurt you to make a point didn’t you?”
Gojyo shrugged and pulled his hand away from Hakkai’s stomach, “That’s different.” Forever the martyr aren’t you, Hakkai?

Hakkai pushed Gojyo’s hand back against the scar, “No, it’s not.”
Gojyo lifted his free hand and touched the bite mark on Hakkai’s collar bone, “It’s very different.” I will not let you be my martyr. I will not let you be her sacrificial lamb.

Hakkai sighed, “How so?” If he could get Gojyo to explain then he could blow holes in the logic -- manipulate the wording and get Gojyo to see it his way. Hakkai was known as a master manipulator for a reason.
Gojyo’s shoulders softened as the edge of his shock and anger began to lift a bit. “Hakkai, Lover, the games we’ve played have been about building trust, expanding boundaries , exploring each other and sharing each other. I took your limiter off to show you that you could control yourself and that I trusted you.”
Hakkai released Gojyo’s hand and picked up the sponge. “Then we make it a game.”
Crimson eyes went wide. Non-consent games -- that was a level of kink this relationship was not yet ready for. “Do not confuse games, kink and violence, Hakkai. Rape is violence. It is not sexual; it is not about exploring; it is not about fantasy; it is violence. Rape is intended to prey upon powerlessness. It is meant to cause shame and, ironically, is sometimes used to punish people for their sexuality -- for being sexual beings. That runs against everything I believe in. That ---” He brushed his fingers against Hakkai’s cheek, “That look in your eyes -- that look you tried to hide in the darkness, I don’t ever want to see that look in your eyes again.”
Hakkai sighed as he wrung out the sponge, “Lean your head forward, I’m not done with your hair.” He dipped the sponge back in the water.
Gojyo leaned forward, “Letting me do that would destroy the trust we’ve so carefully built.” As the water ran down his back and across his cheeks, he blinked at the bubbles below him, “I just don’t understand why it is manifesting like this in me.”
Hakkai worked his fingers into Gojyo’s hair again, “Manifesting? You’ve been around me too long.” Hakkai softly chuckled, trying to lighten this conversation and to add some level of distancing to the seriousness. “You’re trying to reclaim control over your body. Rape is about control. You’re trying to shed your feelings of powerlessness. Rape expresses power over another. You’re angry, hurt, frustrated and you want to lash out. You want her to feel as bad as you do. She’s not here, so you need another target.”
Gojyo knitted his brow, “This conversation is so…so…”
“Surreal?”
“Yes, surreal.” He closed his eyes as the water washed across him again. This was eerie --- being back there and yet not being back there. Sitting in a warm tub surrounded by beauty and casually discussing such ugliness. Surreal didn’t even come close to how odd this felt. “That’s part of what I don’t understand. I don’t want to rape her; I want to kill her.”
Hakkai chuckled, “If you try to kill me in your sleep then we have a real problem.”
Gojyo blinked as he lifted his head, “Hakkai please don’t joke, we have a real problem now. I’m trying to hurt you -- I’m losing control. You’re the last person in the world I want to hurt.” He took the sponge from Hakkai.
“Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood. You’re not trying to hurt me, Gojyo. You’re trying to hurt her. You’re trying to reclaim yourself.”
Gojyo dipped the sponge under the water and rubbed it over Hakkai’s shoulder, “What do we do about this? I don’t know what to do and I’m scared. I’m damn scared of what I’m on the verge of becoming.”
And that was the main thing Gojyo was trying to protect -- he now had a relationship that was close enough he could share his fears. He didn’t have to guard them or cover them up -- he could, honestly, share his fears. He didn’t want that to be destroyed.
Hakkai closed his eyes and leaned back against the side of the tub. That sponge, this hot water, the jets, and his lover’s touch felt so wonderfully good. “Well, Love, the way I see it we have to let you get this out of your system.”
Gojyo’s mouth opened slightly and his brow knitted. He didn’t like where he thought this was going. He ran the sponge down Hakkai’s arm. “How?”
Hakkai spoke very matter-of-factly, “We step up the aggression of our games or you rape me.”
Gojyo froze and then winced as fifty pounds of “in your face“ bluntness slammed into his chest. “Did you hear what just came out of your mouth?”
Emerald eyes softly opened, “Yes.”
“Say it again and think about what you just said.”
Hakkai sighed, “I know it sounds strange to say it, but if it will lead to you being better; then, it is the only choice.”
Gojyo ran the sponge down Hakkai’s leg and worked the soap between his toes, “Say the words, Hakkai. I want you to hear the strangeness in the air.”
Hakkai opened his eyes, “Let me put it this way, you’d better work out all that you need to today because I’m not stopping you tonight.”
Gojyo closed his eyes. “Uunngh, this conversation is making me sick. I will not perpetrate such violence. I will not violate you.” Gojyo knitted his brow as he took the sponge down Hakkai’s not yet washed arm.
Hakkai sighed. Gojyo was thinking again, “What is it? I see those wheels turning.”
Fretful crimson found probing emerald, “This conversation has me thinking. You’re asking me to do to you what that demon did to Kanan. We’re not talking a game here, Hakkai, we’re not talking about some ‘you can’t rape the willing’ joke. We’re talking actual violence.”
Hakkai paled and he whispered, “I know. I know the difference, Gojyo.”
Gojyo nodded and then blinked at Hakkai. “How much do you remember of the night things came to head with Sanzo?”
Hakkai smiled, “The night I used the wrong oil?”
“Yeah, but before all of that. When I was talking to you….” Crimson eyes went wide, “You don’t remember. You don’t fully remember.”
Hakkai blinked, “That was a stressful night, there are things I don’t remember.”
Gojyo leaned back against the tub, “Hakkai, why were you so sad as a child?”
Hakkai looked down at the bubbles, “Gojyo, I was sad because half of me was taken from me. I was alone, angry and bitter.” Wait a minute, how does Gojyo know about that? Ahhh, her and Linchei. Hakkai was mistaken, that isn’t how Gojyo knew. Gojyo knew because of the night in question.
Gojyo rubbed the sponge against Hakkai’s foot, “There’s more. Think back and think hard.”
Hakkai knitted his brow.
Tenpou slammed his hands against his pockets, keeping those papers safely way from the former teacher.
Gojyo curled his fingers around his lover’s ankle, “Think back to that orphanage. Something about priests.” Gojyo was hoping to make Hakkai realize that he did truly know the difference between love and rape. If he did then maybe, just maybe, the memory might provoke the green-eyed man into another plan.
Hakkai sighed and leaned back, “Sometimes, I think I remember something. I get hints and whispers -- more or less concepts, really. Nothing concrete. What are you getting at? What do you mean involving priests? I’ve never really liked priests.” He closed his eyes and rolled his head back, “The hypocrisy. Sanzo’s different , he does things his own way and he’s proud of it. He doesn’t hide behind his robes. He does all of his unorthodox behavior in the open. I can respect that.”
Gojyo rolled his eyes. Hakkai was bright, but sometimes he failed to see the obvious, “So, the only reason you didn’t like priests was because they were hypocrites?”
Hakkai nodded, “Yeah.”
Gojyo nodded as he shifted and leaned closer to Hakkai, “It’s time for you to lean your head forward.” He could just change the subject and leave it at that -- for now. Somehow, someway, someday he was getting Hakkai to remember the real reason he didn’t like priests.
Hakkai sat up and rolled his head forward.
Gojyo wrung out the sponge twice. He dropped it into the water and worked his fingers into brunette strands, “Did you enjoy yesterday?” Gojyo was working his way to a point.
Hakkai closed his eyes as he fell into a soft bounce guided and encouraged by his lover’s tender touch, “Yesssss.”
Gojyo lifted an eyebrow. That was an odd yes given the circumstances. “I want to make sure you weren’t accommodating me to the point of doing things you didn’t want to.” He slid his fingers to the short hair on the back of Hakkai’s head. Tan fingers worked into short brown locks and tight neck muscles.
Emerald eyes fluttered under tan eyelids. He softly moaned.
A little smirk appeared on Gojyo’s face. “I don’t want…,” He wrung the sponge out over Hakkai’s head.
Hakkai parted his lips and sighed as the water ran down his cheeks and dripped from his lips.
Gojyo continued, “…you to shy away from my touch.”
Emerald eyes opened and flicked up. He tilted his head up and soft emerald found playful crimson. Hakkai wrapped his fingers around Gojyo’s sponge holding hand. He pressed his lover’s hand to his arousal. “Does this seem like I’m shying away from your touch?”
Gojyo grinned, “Not at all.” He rubbed the sponge against his lover and leaned forward. Let the healing begin.

Lips met. Teeth parted. Tongues danced.
Hakkai leaned back and felt the jets pushing into his back. He rolled his head back and moaned.
Gojyo shifted on his knees and wrapped the sponge around Hakkai’s shaft. “I don’t want moments like this to go away.” He ran his tongue against Hakkai’s throat.
Hakkai whimpered and shifted his hips, “Me….” he took in a pant, “neither.” Water dripped from his hand as he curled his fingers around Gojyo’s shoulder. “Gotta … help … you.” His speech was real soft and real slow. Feeling the soft but rough sponge against him, the warmth of the water, the clean scent of his lover, the jets working away months of road stress and seeing those crimson eyes through water laden eyelashes made his mind spin.
Gojyo leaned real close and whispered into an ear cuffed ear, “What’s the real reason you’re doing this, Lover.”
Hakkai squeezed his eyes shut. “I love your touch.”
Gojyo softly nodded his head, “Wrong this.” He started to slowly pull his hand and the sponge away.
Hakkai wrapped his hand around Gojyo’s wrist and returned his lover to a more preferable position. “Which this?”
Gojyo grinned. He had that green eyed paramour exactly where he wanted him. He loved now knowing Hakkai well enough to play him. He whispered as he brushed his lips against his lover’s neck, “Why are you willing to go through what you might go through tonight?”
Hakkai hissed in a breath, “To … to.. Mmmm….to show….tssss…prove….” He panted and curled his fingers into Gojyo’s shoulder. “to …you… can…trust…” He moaned, “…self.” In Hakkai’s mind that was a solid sentence.
Gojyo leaned back on his shins and pressed his lips together. Surely, Hakkai had some kind of idea of the pain involved. He softly smiled as he watched Hakkai’s face twist in pleasure under the provoking of his strokes. Was Hakkai really willing to risk going through that just to prove to Gojyo that he could trust himself? He leaned in close and whispered, “Hakkai, Love, do you know how much it would hurt?”
Hakkai hissed as his hips bucked and began meeting Gojyo strokes. His hands shifted and curled around the rounded lip of the tub. “Tsss…nnnn…pain ….” Hakkai released a long moan that ended in a squeak, “fleeting.” He panted, “Pleasure from …mmmm…. healing….. permanent.”
Gojyo tilted his head. He wasn’t so sure this kind of pain was so fleeting. He nibbled on Hakkai’s ear, “Would you rather me get real aggressive and not have to do it?” There was a good idea --- if it would work.
Hakkai was lost in a world increasing pleasure. “Yes,” whispered from barely parted lips.
Gojyo nipped at Hakkai’s neck, “So, are you going to be my toy again today? Even if it means I might break you?” Gojyo would much rather work this out while in control of his faculties, so he wouldn’t break his lover. So, he wouldn’t break that trust. Gods! He hoped he could do this.
The muscles around Hakkai’s eyes tightened as he pushed his head back against the lip of the tub. He moaned something that was trying to sound like a yes.
Gojyo smiled as he watched Hakkai’s arms shaking under the strain of building euphoria. He ran his tongue up his lover’s wet sternum, over his throat and off the underside of his chin. He leaned over and pressed a light kiss on Hakkai’s forehead. “You are so sexy like this. On the verge of letting go. Giving into the pleasures of the flesh. Welcome, Lover, to my world.” His lips fluttered a light kiss against both of Hakkai’s closed eyelids.
Hakkai took in two sharp breaths, “Gojyo! Gojyo!”
Crimson eyebrows wiggled, “Yes, Lover?”
Hakkai breathlessly spoke, “I’m ….I’m.” He moaned as a splash of water washed across his chest.
“Yes, Lover?” He wanted to hear Hakkai say it. He slightly slowed his strokes.
“Gonna…gonna…“
“Yes?”
Hakkai hissed, “…soil the water.”
Gojyo leaned over and whispered through gritted teeth, “Then soil it.” He sharply increased the speed and force of his strokes.
Emerald eyes popped open and Hakkai’s back arched from the edge of the tub. He took in a sharp breath.
Gojyo clearly saw the line of euphoria get crossed through his lover’s eyes. He noticed the panic hurl into frenzy, flash a quick blank then the light tan shades were drawn blocking off his voyeuristic sharing.
Hakkai cried out as his stomach quivered. Emerald eyes slowly opened and screamed of satisfaction. Every so often Hakkai would slightly wince.
Gojyo titled his head, “What’s wrong, Lover?”
“You’re…you’re…”
Gojyo chuckled, “I’m what?”
Hakkai’s knitted his brow. He squeezed his eyes shut and continued his little jerks and winces.
“Say it. I’m what?”
“You’re … not… stopping.”
Lips curled revealing white teeth. Gojyo leaned in real close, “That’s right. I’m not. You’re real sensitive right now. It’s almost hurts doesn’t it? Feeling this rough sponge against the overly sensitive head of your dick.”
“Gojyo…” Hakkai’s stomach clenched, “Stop…please.”
Gojyo nipped at Hakkai’s ear, “No. Don’t you remember -- you get two.”
Hakkai cried out. “It hurts!” He panted, “I can’t take it!” His fingers gripped into the edge of the tub. He pushed his hips into the tub trying to get away.
Gojyo sneered, “Too bad for you then, huh?” Gojyo chased Hakkai with his torturous touch, “It’s difficult isn’t? A little on the ‘too much’ end of the scale isn’t it?” He took Hakkai’s earlobe in his teeth, “You’re flaccid now. So, as I move, you move and the sponge drags across the most sensitive -- the too sensitive areas.”
Hakkai gritted his teeth, “Yes! Please, stop!”
Gojyo softly chuckled, “Stop isn’t the word.”
Hakkai pushed with his arms and began to slide up the edge of the tub. His feet slipped against the bottom of the basin.
Gojyo spoke with mock sympathy, “Awww, now where are you going?” He slipped his free arm around Hakkai’s waist, “I thought you were ready to step it up some.” He pressed a kiss just above his lover’s scar, water dripped from his chin as he raised his head. “Lover, just relax and hang on. You’ll be fine.”
Hakkai cried out as he splashed back into the tub.
Gojyo slipped his knees under Hakkai’s thighs. He dove into emerald orbs, “Are you ready to received me?”
Emerald eyebrows knitted, “What?” His legs were pushed to the side, he was more or less in a squatting position. All the muscles of his pelvic floor were tense. There was no way he could receive his lover, not to mention they hadn’t used any kind of lubricant.
Gojyo leaned over and pushed his knees to the bottom of the basin. He jerked his arm around Hakkai’s waist and shifted his lover. Hakkai was lined up for penetration, “I want you to soil the water again. I want to be inside you when you do.” He adjusted his hips and pressed the head of his cock against his lover’s entrance.

Hakkai gasped, “Gojyo!”
Gojyo softly shook his head, “This is going to hurt like a bitch, Lover. “ He smiled, “Cum for me, Hakkai.”
“What?” Hakkai was split between fear and the call of pleasure. He squirmed between the tub and his lover, “Gojyo, I-I-I’m not ready.”
Gojyo cocked an eyebrow, “Really?” He crashed forward and nipped at his lover’s neck, “Damn it, Hakkai! When I tell you to be ready to receive me, I mean it.” He wrapped his fingers around the back of a tan neck and began to pull his lover down. “Let me have you.” He spoke very firmly and continued his strokes just as firmly.
Emerald eyes trembled. “Gojyo I can’t!” He fell into the rhythm of his lover’s strokes and feeling that sponge again. “I…I’m too ….nnnn….tense.”
Gojyo pressed his teethed against Hakkai’s jaw muscle, “Then I suggest you take a moment and fucking relax.” He smiled, “Cum for me, Hakkai.” He shifted and pushed against his lover’s entrance knowing that the heat of stretch was kicking in.
Heat coursed through Hakkai; he couldn’t believe Gojyo would enter him unprepared. He wanted away. He was trapped by the hand on his neck, the side of the tub and the hand around his cock. Emerald eyes fluttered back, oh, but he didn’t want away from that hand.
Gojyo snickered as a soft and slightly panicked moan lifted from Hakkai, “You like this don’t you? You just want to be taken.” He pulled Hakkai down further being sure to let the green-eyed man feel the back his thighs slide against the top of Gojyo’s.
Hakkai gritted his teeth and looked up at the ceiling as if the painted canopy would have any kind of insight. The heat heightened as his thighs slid across his lover’s. A pleading voice left him, “Gojyo! Please!”
“More? Sure. You’re getting brave.” His sifted his hips and felt half the head of his cock push into the incredibly tense muscles of his lover -- keeping it at the heat of stretch. “Hakkai! Relax!” Gojyo grumbled, “I will rip you.”
Hakkai panted. He couldn’t speak.
Gojyo pushed his fingers into the tissue around his lover’s neck.
Hakkai screamed.
Gojyo chuckled.
Hakkai’s mind flashed white and his stomach shook. His nails scratched against the porcelain tub.
Gojyo timed this very carefully. He felt his lover suddenly jerk and during that brief moment of forced relaxation he shifted his hips away. He threw the sponge over his shoulder and quickly took Hakkai in his arms. He felt his lover twitch and shake next to his skin as Hakkai soiled the water once again. He turned his head and pressed a kiss to Hakkai’s neck.
Hakkai looked at the wall over his lover’s shoulder and was completely confused. He captured most of his breath and whispered, “Gojyo…why?”
Tan fingers traveled against a light tan neck and he cradled his lover’s face in his hands. He saw the confused and nearly distrustful look in those emerald eyes. He pressed a brief kiss to limp lips, “The mind is the primary sexual organ.”
Hakkai blinked, “What?”
Gojyo grinned, “I didn’t do hardly anything to you, Lover, I just made you think I did.”
“But I felt…” Hakkai sighed.
“What you felt was me pressing against you, not entering you.” He tilted Hakkai’s head forward and pressed their foreheads together, “Lover, why didn’t you call out the word? Did you forget it?” Every ounce of distrust and confusion had left those emerald eyes.
Hakkai softly spoke, “No, I -- I didn’t want to reject you.”
Gojyo blinked and a softy wry smile slid upon his face, “Tonight, a safe word won’t help you. Tonight, it won’t be in your mind.” His smile faded, “Now, that you have a taste, help me -- figure something out before I destroy us.” Crimson eyebrows knitted and tears fell from tormented windows to the soul.
Hakkai slipped his arms around Gojyo’s shoulders and whispered, “Oh, Gojyo. I’m tying, Love, I’m trying.”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sanzo and Goku stepped up to the outside of glass doors as an older woman stepped up to the inside. Sanzo and Goku stepped to the side an let Ms. Marie out of the building.
She smiled, “Come visiting again, Master Sanzo?”
Goku looked confused. Again? How was it that Sanzo managed to sneak around and get information under the radar of everyone?
Sanzo nodded, “Yes, I have more questions.”
Ms. Marie nodded, “Walk with me, let’s talk. Gonou..” She shook her head, “I’m sorry… Hakkai ….must be a bit of an enigma for ya. You‘re inquisitive something awful.”
Sanzo nodded again, “I’m not here to talk about Hakkai. I’m here to talk about Gonou.”
Ms. Marie tilted her head, “Ya sound as if they are two different people.”
Sanzo slid his hands into his pockets, “They are. Cho Gonou is dead. Hakkai is …” Sanzo’s voice trailed off as he pondered. Sometimes one could not describe Hakkai ,accurately, as alive -- yet he was not truly dead. He spoke, “is not dead.”
Ms. Marie stopped and turned toward Sanzo.
Violet eyes narrowed as he watched the older woman go through mental gymnastics.
She softly spoke, “Sanzos are Buddhist priests, right?”
Sanzo nodded, “Yes.”
She sat down a bench in front of the grocery mercantile. “I see.”
Goku sat down next to her.
Sanzo leaned against a post and lit a cigarette, “So, you are familiar with the practice.”
She nodded her head, “Not deeply, but I know that it is done when there are extenuating circumstances and someone is willing to be responsible for the new life.”
Sanzo sighed, “I want to know the man I helped kill.”
Ms. Marie slowly nodded, “What happened? What did he do?” Did we fail him?

Goku looked up at her, “Kanan was captured by a ---”
She waved her hand in air, “Say no more.” Her normally cheery face twisted as it tried to hide behind her hand. She whispered, “Oh, the poor dears.” She sighed and dropped her hand, “He, at least, has the hope of finding his sister or has he found her?”
Sanzo and Goku didn’t say a word.
This was her way of finding out if they knew the real nature of Gonou and Kanan’s relationship. Their silence led her to believe they didn’t know.
Her question led them to believe that she didn’t know the nature of the relationship and they weren’t about to tell her.
Eyes wizened by several decades of life darted between the two males, “Well, at least he’s not totally alone with you.”
Goku nodded, “Yeah, he’s not alone.” None of us are.

Sanzo sucked his teeth, “Tell me about Cho Gonou.”
Goku chimed in, “Yeah, what was he like?”
Ms. Marie sighed, “Now, that depends on when you want to know about.”
Blonde eyes brows knitted, “When?”
“Ya see,” She sat back against the bench, “There are roughly three Gonou’s. The Gonou I only heard about that was before the friendship with Ah’Nesty. The Gonou I saw after he met Ah’Nesty and then the Gonou I came to adore when he knew Ah’Nesty and Kanan. Have you had the pleasure of meeting either of them?”
Goku shook his head.
Sanzo blinked, “No.” He was willing to bet a fourth could be added. The Gonou that lived briefly after Kanan and before Hakkai.
She smiled, “If you want to know Gonou, find Ah’Nesty. Or talk to him, he’s not hard to talk to.”
Sanzo and Goku shared a glance. They couldn’t imagine Hakkai ever being free with information.
Gonou wasn’t all that free with information either. It took years of contact and clandestine conversations with Ah’Nesty for Ms. Marie and Rupert to know the young man they called Gonou. He was easy to talk to not talk with.
Sanzo flicked his ashes, “Where is this Ah’Nesty?”
Ms. Marie smiled, “That’s the question isn’t it? I could send word for her through her employer.” She stood, “She’s a photographer for International Geographic -- last I heard. It‘s been a while. There’s no telling where she is.”
Sanzo spoke, “Do that.” Blonde eyebrows knitted, “It wouldn’t be wise to let others know we are here.” He didn’t need word to get around the various demon bands that the sutra was here. That would endanger everyone.
Ms. Marie assumed Sanzo valued privacy and didn’t want the people that would come just to see a Sanzo priest. “Will do.”
Sanzo took a drag off his cigarette, “Have you had much problem with demons around here?”
Ms. Marie shook her head, “No. Taikgen is heavily populated, but well protected. It use to be a mixed city, but now it’s human. The demons that were there left or …” She sighed, “were killed.”
Goku blinked, “I take it you aren’t too crazy about the demon hunting that has been going on.”
Ms. Marie nodded, “I don’t like the demon hunting or the human hunting. I hope someone finds away to reverse all of this. No one should be killed for their birth.” She shook her head, “Let’s change the subject. Do you like your cabins?”
Goku grinned, “Yes, ma’am, they are very nice.”
Sanzo blinked. Ma’am? Goku’s been around Hakkai too much or maybe just enough.
Ms. Marie smiled, “Good. Did you come all the way down here to talk or did you need something.”
“A paper”
“Food.”
Sanzo glared.
Goku grinned nervously.
Ms. Marie giggled, “The paper I can’t get ya, but food -- now--- no one goes hungry around me.” She used the key and opened the mercantile.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gojyo sat on the kitchen counter with a cup of coffee in his hands. Hakkai stood in front of the stove. The sound of eggs cooking and the smell of bacon frying filled the air.
Gojyo looked at the tan liquid in his cup, “So, what do we do now?”
Hakkai knitted his brow, “I shouldn’t have started this without them here. It might get cold while I get them.” He sighed, “We’ll eat. I’ll get them and then cook their food.”
Gojyo rolled his eyes, “That’s not what I’m talking about.”
Hakkai turned the bacon.
Gojyo sucked his teeth, “You’re the man with the plans. I just carry them out.”
Hakkai sighed, “Well, as you would say, I think it is evident that my plan sucks.”
“I wouldn’t put it exactly like that.” He sipped his coffee. “I don’t think I would use the word evident.” He chuckled, “But, yeah, it sucks.”
“Did you get a plate for Hakuryuu?”
“Yes,” Gojyo slid off the counter, “I got a plate for Hakuryuu.”
Gojyo poured some orange juice for both of them and sat the cups on the table. Hakkai put the food on the plates and carried them to the table.
Gojyo looked over his shoulder, “Parrot! Food.”
Hakuryuu did not move.
Hakkai smiled, “Hakuryuu, would you please come for breakfast?”
Hakuryuu lifted his head and flapped over to the table. He eyed that General.
Gojyo sucked his teeth as he say down, “He doesn’t like me.”
Hakkai chuckled, “I think he misunderstands your ways.”
Hakuryuu swallowed a piece of egg. Oh, I understand him alright.

Gojyo picked up a fork, “I can’t believe people eat with these.”
Hakkai laughed, “They’re easy once you get use to them.”
Gojyo ran a hand through his hair, “What are we going to do? I don’t want to hurt you.”
Hakuryuu’s head snapped up, Whoa! What’d I miss?

Hakkai nodded, “I think your lesson in the bathtub conveyed.” Let’s just hope it isn’t necessary to test your theory.

A little white snout flipped back and forth as red eyes darted between two men.
Gojyo touched his hand to Hakkai’s knee, “I couldn’t think of any other way to make my point. I’m sorry if I went too far.”
Hakkai squeezed his lover’s hand, “I’m fine.”
Hakuryuu sat back on his haunches, his long serpentine neck curved, and his head tilted. He eyed that General long and hard. Their mating rituals had been louder here of late, but he didn’t think anything was amiss until now.
Gojyo noticed Hakuryuu giving him the stare down and crimson eyelashes flicked as Gojyo read the dragon’s body language. “Uhhh… Hakkai….”
Hakkai toyed with his food, “It’s just that it made so much sense to me. The second time you, well, got …ummm…..” He was trying to find an appropriate word. He didn’t want to use ‘violent’ for that would upset Gojyo. For the same reason ’attack’ , ’rape me’ and the like were ruled out. “….when you got intense, I thought I had it figured out.”
Scales began to slowly rise.
He shifted back in his chair slightly, “Uhhh, Hakkai.”
Hakkai took a drink of his orange juice, “I just don’t see any other solution.” Hakkai pushed his hands into his bangs and sighed, “I fear we are where we started.” He softly nodded, “I can take it.”
Wings shifted out; talons flexed. What have you done to the Marshal?

Gojyo swallowed, “No, I’ll sleep on the couch or something… get another cabin… something.”
Hakkai shook his head and looked at his hands, “For how long, Gojyo? No, we need to face this.” He shrugged, “I’m not sleeping without you.”
Gojyo turned his head to look at Hakkai, “Damn it, Hakkai, I’ll hurt you.”
Hakuryuu dived after Gojyo and screeched. Over my dead body, General!

Gojyo’s head whipped and his vision was filled with dragon belly and talons that were coming right at him. He threw his arms up, “Hakkai! Call off your guard dog!” He ducked and dodged as talons and teeth came for him.
Emerald eyes popped, “Hakuryuu! No!”
With his wings flapping and his little chest heaving, Hakuryuu hovered in the air by Gojyo.
Hakkai held out his arm and knitted his brow, “Hakuryuu.”
The dragon landed on Hakkai’s forearm and waddled to his Marshal’s shoulder all the while keeping a sharp eye on that General.
Gojyo pointed a finger and slammed his other palm on the table. “I told you he doesn’t like me! And! He even sees that it’s a bad idea!”
Hakkai touched his finger to Hakuryuu’s chin, “What’s gotten into you little one?” Hakkai scratched the little dragon’s chin, “You’ve seemed off since we’ve been here.”
Gojyo wiped his hands down his face, “He needs to get laid. We should find him a cute little number.” He laughed, “So, Parrot are you wing man, tail man, or maybe it’s the leg that does it for ya?”
Hakuryuu was lost in a good chin scratch. The eyes. He looked at Gojyo, That would be none of your damn business.

Hakkai chuckled, “I think he would like for us to stay out of his love life.” Hakkai shrugged, “Gojyo, are you willing to talk this out with me? Kind of think out loud?”
Gojyo lit a cigarette, “Sure.”
Hakkai folded his hands, “You’re angry, why?”
“Because it happened.” He knitted his brow, “Because it divided us.” He pushed an hand to his forehead, “Because I kinda feel like I brought it on myself for going to that bar instead of staying at the inn.”
Hakkai nodded, “Would it be my fault for saying what I said?”
“No, I took it wrong.”
“No, I said it wrong. Would it be my fault for not running after you?”
“No, I shouldn’t have left.”
“But, I should have gone after you.”
“Damn it, Hakkai, what are you trying to get at?”
Hakkai smiled, “If it is your fault, then it is also my fault.”
Gojyo shook his head, “You didn’t do this to me, Hakkai.”
“You didn’t do it to yourself. As far as being angry that it happened, I can’t do anything about that.”
“I can.”
“What?”
“The bitch is going down. She’s gotta die.”
Hakkai paled, “Gojyo, she’s dead.”
Gojyo mouth dropped open, “What?!”
“Kougaiji told us he killed her.”
“Bastard! You’ve got to be shitting me. I’m getting robbed of revenge?”
Hakkai sighed and spoke softly, “Revenge isn’t always as fulfilling as one might think.”
Gojyo ran a hand through his hair. He seemed to have missed Hakkai’s comment. “Fuck!” He sighed, “She had three peons with her. Do I at least get to kill them?”
Hakkai blinked, “Gojyo, I … I….,” He sighed, “If we can find them. I don’t know; he didn’t mention that.”
Gojyo folded his arms at his chest, “Now! Now! I’m frustrated.” He slammed a fist onto the table.
Hakkai could tell immediately that a change of subject was necessary. He returned to his Socratic-esque reasoning and his psychological manipulation. He touched his hand to the back of Gojyo’s, “As far as dividing us…well.” Emerald eyes twinkled at crimson ones, “We are still here. We aren’t going anywhere.”
Gojyo turned his hand and interlaced their fingers. He looked at the his tan fingers resting on the back of that light tan hand. He gently squeezed, “Ensoulled.” Fretful crimson found smiling emerald.
“Ensoulled.” Hakkai slowly blinked, “You’re hurting. How do you feel physically?”
“Physically, I’m fine. Yes, even my hand.” Gojyo figured he’d better add that before Hakkai asked.
Hakkai nibbled his bottom lip, “How about internally?”
“Fine. Physically, I’m fine through and through…” His voice trailed off, “How did you do that? You’re a good healer, but the body usually has to step up to the plate too.”
“With my chi,” He chuckled, “You three give a healer a real crash course in getting good.” He softly smiled.
Gojyo knitted his brow that was getting filed under “Ask Sanzo.”
“You’re hurting emotionally because why?”
“Something was taken from me. I lost control and power over my body.”
Hakkai nodded, “Which leaves us with frustration. Why are you frustrated?”
“Because this shit is still going on. Because I’m not better yet.” Anger and hurt began to rise in Gojyo’s voice as words flew from him, “Because we need to have this discussion. Because I’m scared to sleep next to you. Because I want to get back to the light hearted games we use to play and the laughs we had. And … and …” His voice trailed off.
Hakkai patted his hand, “This isn’t some TV show where problems are solved in 30 minutes.”
Gojyo nodded, “I know. I wish it were.”
“I don’t.”
Gojyo knitted his brow, “Why not?”
Hakkai smirked, “What if some script writer thought I would be better off with Sanzo?”
Gojyo shivered, “Eeewww! I do not want to go there.” His mind flashed to a visual of light tan skin and pale skin intertwined. Blonde and brown hair mixed in low light -- it was a little hot. Damned if he’d admit it, though.
Hakkai laughed, “Well, you’d have ---”
“Stop right there.”
Hakkai tilted his head and spoke with mock sympathy, “Awww, hot monkey love not your style?”
“Eeeewww!” Gojyo chuckled, “You could get hooked up with Goku.”
“Uuuhhh NO.” Hakkai shook his head, “I can’t even see that.” Hakkai chuckled, “You and Sanzo.”
Gojyo paled, “I’d die real quick.“ He shrugged, “Or we could even end all together.”
They laughed. Gojyo blinked as he realized this was getting closer and closer to where he wanted it. Back to the fun they use to have. Yes, indeed, some times words did have magic.
Hakkai sighed, “All this means, you need to come up with activities that will address, control, power and remind you that we’re not divided.”
“Isn’t that what we did yesterday?”
“Yes, and we made progress. We just need to step it up.”
Gojyo blinked. There had been progress. Real good progress too. “Why do I need to come up with them?”
Hakkai knitted his brow, “You’re a bit more qualified for that, wouldn’t you agree?”
Gojyo sheepishly grinned, “I dunno, you’re pretty creative yourself.”
Hakkai smiled, “This is your game.” He stood, “Make it count, because one way or another it ends tonight.” He released Gojyo’s hand, “I’m going to get them for breakfast. You start thinking.” Hakkai had a plan of his own; he didn’t like it. He really didn’t like it, but it was a plan.
Gojyo smiled and nodded, “Before I think too far, I need to know something.” He stood and wrapped his arms around his lover, “How are you feeling? The past few days … this has to be getting hard on you physically. Seeing how …well…. considering we’ve been pretty active and it’s all been one way.”
Hakkai smiled and brushed the back of his fingers against his lover’s cheek, “I’m fine.” That was one of the rare times Hakkai told the complete and honest truth. “I can handle anything you throw at me.” That was one of the times where Hakkai thought he was telling the complete and honest truth. “Don’t worry, when I’m confident you can handle me, I’m gonna flip ya on your back.” That was the pure honest truth.
Gojyo grinned, “I like seeing this side of you my stunning paramour.”
“Paramour? Hmm, well my sexy satyr …” Hakkai curled his fingers around Gojyo’s ass and gave a gentle squeeze, “get better and I’ll make good on my promise.”
Gojyo brushed his lips against Hakkai’s and whispered, “I’m getting better by the minute.” He pushed his lips against his lover’s and his breath hitched as Hakkai took control of the kiss. His stomach flipped as Hakkai’s tongue danced around his. He pressed his hand into the small of Hakkai’s back and pulled his lover closer.
Hakkai pulled Gojyo’s hips into his and one hand traveled into crimson strands.
This was them --- slowly getting back to normal. As normal as a half-breed and a human-turned-demon can be while they are trying to save the world from a snowed-in ski cabin.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Merciful Goddess softly sighed, “Pity.”
Jiroshin knitted his brow as he handed her another CD for the air ways, “What now?”
She cued up the next commercial and watched the numbers tick away, “It’s not going to work.”
Jiroshin paled, “It has to work.”
She shook her head, “They have forgotten something.”
He knitted his brow and thought for a moment, “They’ve forgotten three somethings.”
She nodded as she put on her headphones and flipped off the people pounding at the booth door, “Yes, three somethings.” She flipped on the ‘on air’ light, “The snow conditions at Blanctic still suck ass ….”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ms. Marie knitted her brow as she eyed a forgotten receipt by the register. It was signed by a Sha Gojyo. At first she thought that Hakkai had snuck behind her back and was trying to pay for something, but she didn’t know a Sha Gojyo. This was odd, she knew she hadn’t forgotten any receipts. She was going to have to get on Rupert about leaving things about --- especially a credit card receipt. That wasn‘t fair to the customer; someone nefarious could get a hold of the number. She looked over her shoulder, “You two just help yourself to anything you need. Since you’re with Hakkai..” She was trying real hard to remember that name, “…I’m not taking your money, you got that?”
Goku grinned as he grabbed a few boxes of ready to eat food, “Thank you.”
A blonde eyebrow lifted. Sanzo realized he’d never gotten the card back from Hakkai. No doubt that green eyed man was devising a way to pay for all of this. They didn’t run out on debts even if the payment was originally refused. He looked around for the papers and indeed there were none.
He didn’t like being disconnected from the news like this. Reading the reports of attacks gave him a heads up about what to expect during their journey. Sometimes stories would get in about places they’d left and it gave a sense of closure. Sometimes places they left, especially with the golden eyed weapon of mass destruction with them, were a little worse for wear. Even Sanzo wanted to know if things worked out in the end --- occasionally he was still young, stupid and every so often he gave a damn.
He wasn’t sure when this “need to know” inside of him started. People didn’t just tell him things; he supposed this was his way of finding things out on his own. A part of him hoped to glean hints at the whereabouts of his Master’s sutra, but that didn’t explain why he enjoyed reading the comics. Maybe, just maybe, there was a tiny bit of him that wanted to hold onto Kouryuu. Maybe, just maybe, buried deep down inside of him there was a little bit of that kid that ran his fingers against the walls as he walked and occasionally gazed at the moon. There was buried deeply inside, a part of him that wanted to laugh every so often -- but there was a larger part -- a much larger part that was bruised, broken and hurting.
His broken soul surrounded Kouryuu and regarded him as a closely held secret. He shielded that child so well and so deeply that, for the most part, he was numb. Or at least, that’s how he saw himself. He kept people at bay for self-protection.
If he only knew how well his companions knew him. If he only knew how transparent he really was. If he knew, maybe, he would be more comfortable with letting Kouryuu out to play. Maybe, he would laugh more. Maybe, he would smile more. Maybe, he’d be so scared of being hurt again -- he would completely withdraw.
Golden eyes glanced at a blonde man. Goku smiled as he grabbed a comic book -- an anthology piece that had a variety of strips. He’d leave it out in the cabin and pretend it was purchased just for him. He was going to goad Sanzo into relaxing and having fun even when the blonde couldn’t do it for himself -- especially those times -- for it was those times when Goku knew he was needed the most.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hakkai stepped out into the snow and noticed the footprints leaving cabin thirty-nine. His breath caught in his chest.
Gonou laughed, “Ooooo, they are going to talk to Ms. Marie.”
Hakkai knitted his brow.
“My, oh my, what have they learned?”
Hakkai’s heart began to pound.
“Oh, goodness -- what will they think of you now?”
Hakkai was standing in deep, wet snow and he was sweating.
“You know this isn’t the first time they’ve spoken. What could they possibly be talking about? And, this early too -- it must be real important and interesting for Goku to go somewhere before breakfast.”
Hakkai looked at Gonou, “Be quiet.” His stomach twisted. Why was it that everyone was so interested in his past now. He’d left all of this behind. This was so long ago -- it didn’t matter anymore. He wasn’t that person -- he made a concerted effort to not be that person. Couldn’t anyone just take him for who he was? Even Gojyo -- his beloved crimson harbor -- was prying.
Gonou smirked and sighed, “It’s kinda sad when you think about it. They have to do this because you won’t share me.”
Hakkai glared, “There is nothing to share.”
Gonou gritted his teeth, “I am not nothing.”
Hakkai turned his back, “A double negative, really, you know better.”
Gonou shook his head. How bad was it when you deflected from yourself?
Hakkai pushed his hands to his face and walked back toward cabin thirty-eight.
Gojyo was making himself another cup of coffee, “That was quick.”
Hakkai nodded, “I think they walked to the lodge. I’m going to take Hakuryuu and meet up with them. I don’t think it is safe to be walking in this weather.”
Gojyo nodded, “Do you want me to go with?”
“No.” Hakkai grinned, “You have some planning to do.”
Gojyo laughed as his lover left the cabin. He did have some planning to do and he was going to start be looking at all the supplies they had in one “bag of tricks” and one red leather bag.
He walked into the bedroom and dumped the bags out on the bed. Crimson eyebrows lifted as he saw all the items he didn’t see the last time he went looking through the red leather bag. His brow knitted as he picked up some clamps. Dude, did you even know what you were getting? These clamps were Japanese clover clamps. These clamps were not for those new to kink. Gojyo chuckled. Hakkai couldn’t have known what he was getting, someone with skin like his and nipples that loved to respond should not start with “medium to heavy duty” clamps that only slightly adjust. He sighed. The next time Hakkai gets brave and heads to a “toy” store, he was going to have to accompany the green-eyed man.
He chuckled at the odd mixture of items. Serious clamps and play restraints -- he shook his head. Good thing he had a few pieces of the real deal. Gojyo took his restraints seriously. The leather had to be soft and yet strong and the metal adornments had to be strong. Comfort and safety of the submissive is paramount, sometimes the restrained person was suspended -- you can’t expect “play” restraints to properly support body weight. Yeah, the leather was getting pulled out of the “bag of tricks“.
He couldn’t wait until they were back east. He had to leave a lot of his accoutrements at home. No point in putting in bolts at every inn they stopped. Hakkai in a swing -- what’s not to love about that?
Where Hakkai could see “random shit” in a kitchen and turn it into a meal. Gojyo could see “random shit” in a pile of adult toys and turn it into a scene. That was just one of many reasons they balanced each other.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As Hakkai drove his mind tried to wander over the memories, but he did his best to focus on the driving. He was lucky the ground clearance of Hakuryuu’s jeep form was such that they could pass. This snow was fairly deep, but Hakuryuu was a rugged trekking vehicle and he was able to manage it.
Gojun thought it was simply grand being in the thick of it again. He didn’t like the lives lost during battle, nor the injuries that good soldiers would bear; but, he loved occasionally getting muddy, trekking through nearly impossible terrain, and watching things blow up. He really liked watching things blow up.
He also liked making use of hyperbole in his own mind -- of course no honorable Dragon King would ever admit to something like that.
Here he was just going through snow to a ski lodge and in his mind he was leading a battalion in battle. His wife would laugh.
Hakkai slowly brought the jeep to a stop and looked around. He didn’t remember coming this way. He didn’t want to come this way. His brow knitted as he eyed a large oak tree. He had no desire what so ever to be here.
So then, why wasn’t he leaving?
************
It was a mildly cool autumn afternoon. Gonou sat on the soft ground and leaned his back against a large Oak tree. Kanan had her head in his lap. He curled an arm around her and their fingers interlaced. Their “hand” rested between her sweat shirt covered breasts.
With his free hand, he stroked his fingers through her long hair. This was one of the rare times it wasn’t pulled back in the single wide braid. Her long strands draped across his legs and he watched the afternoon sunlight reflect in spectra off her light brown hair.
A gentle breeze passed and flaming red, orange, and yellow leaves fluttered and tumbled. One leaf landed on her stomach. She picked it up by the stem and slowly twirled it between her index finger and thumb. “So, Mr. Rupert will be ok?”
Gonou nodded, “Yes, it was a nasty fall, but he’ll recover.” That made the fifth time he had to reassure her. Bless her, she was always worrying over everyone. She carried so much concern for anyone in her life. She didn’t so much say she cared with words -- no, Kanan expressed her love mainly through actions.
“Fully?”
“That’s what the doctors told me.”
She smiled, “Good, because I couldn’t see us moving east and him not here.”
He smiled and ran his index finger over her forehead, between her eyes and down the length of her nose, “We’ll be moving on schedule, just after we graduate.”
“I’m going to miss this place.”
“Me too.” He scanned her face, she was thinking. “What is it now? If you really don’t want to move we don’t have to.”
“No, I’m excited about that. I’ll miss this place and I’ll miss Ah’Nesty, Ms. Marie and Mr. Rupert, but I’m excited about the move. A new life, a place where people don’t know us and a place we can flourish.”
“Good.”
A squirrel jumped from a low limb and scampered through the leaves seeking the source of the smell -- the smell of a nut that was going to be his during winter.
They watched the squirrel go through it’s olfactory gymnastics and Gonou continued, “I see that look on your face, what has you concerned?”
Kanan sighed, “Well, all of this with Mr. Rupert has me thinking.” She paused, let the leaf flutter from her fingers and looked into emerald eyes, “I’m just wondering, if something happened to me, would you love again?”
Emerald eyes went wide, “Kanan, I’d die. If whatever took you out left me -- I’d find away. I couldn’t ---”
She cut him off, “You’d kill yourself?” Suicide is a Cardinal Sin!

He nodded, “Yes. If I have the strength and ability. You were taken from me once, I’m not losing you again. They ripped us apart and I’m not letting you go.”
“Oh, Gonou, don’t tell me this. If something were to happen to me, I would want you to live and love again.”
Gonou’s stomach flipped and knotted, “Can we not talk about this? It’s morbid. I don’t even want to think about this.”
“Oh, Gonou.” As she scanned her lover, she knew she was going to have to keep a real close eye on him. His personality was most definitely tending toward co-dependent. It had been for a while, she just wasn’t as sure of it as she was now.
Gonou knitted his brow, “I could never love anyone else.” He blinked, “You can’t die first. I can’t live without you.”
***************
Hakkai’s fingers curled over the top of the steering wheel. He pressed his forehead to the back of his hands.
Gonou glared, “You lied to her.”
Hakkai squeezed his eyes shut.
“You happy with yourself? This what you’re doing with your little boyfriend. You’re just trampling all over her. You are cheapening what you had with her!”
Hakkai softly whispered, “No. I’m not.”
A cold piercing tone came in to Gonou’s voice, “Why do you still have breath?”
Hakkai softly wept as snow fluttered down around him. “Gojyo.”
Gonou sucked his teeth, “Oh but now, you can’t do anything about your deception, can you? Oh, no!” A very condescending tone fell into his voice, “You just had to get involved didn’t you?” He crossed his arms in front of his chest.
Tenpou lifted an eyebrow. What was the human’s strategy? What was his goal?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A funny feeling washed over Gojyo. He abandoned the items on the bed and scrambled for his cloak.
He stepped out of the cabin in enough time to see Goku and Sanzo approaching. He yelled across the small span of snow covered ground between them, “Where’s Hakkai?”
A blonde eyebrow lifted.
Goku knitted his brow, “We haven’t seen him.”
Gojyo jogged up to them, “He took Hakuryuu to go look for you.” He knitted his brow as he looked beyond them. This weather was horrible. The snow was still coming down and what was on the ground was deep. He should have never let Hakkai ride alone. He didn’t doubt Hakkai’s driving ability. Well, maybe he did in the beginning of this mission. He didn’t now. Well, maybe he did a little bit. He scanned the snow and looked at the sharp cliffs and drop offs. Hakkai had proven to them that he could handle nearly any terrain. He remembered the picture of that jump. What if Hakkai took a “short-cut” to the ski lodge? What if the snow hid some kind of peril? What if demons had found them up here. What if…
What if…
What if…
Sanzo cringed. Why couldn’t these idiots get it through their heads? They were being hunted by demons and gods. The weather was for shit -- completely unsafe for a wheeled vehicle, “You let him go out alone?”
Gojyo whipped a finger toward Sanzo, “Not helping, Monk.” Not telling me anything, I’m not telling myself. I’m such a idiot. He eyed the fresher tire tracks and began walking.
Violet eyes rolled. “Where are you going?”
Gojyo spoke without turning around, “Where do you think, Mr. Enlightenment?”
Sanzo shook his head, “Idiot, you shouldn’t be going out alone.”
Gojyo did not respond.
Sanzo bellowed, “I’m not chanting the sutra for you when you turn into a kappa-cicle.”
Goku turned and began following Gojyo.
Sanzo put a hand on his hip, “Where are you going?”
Goku responded without looking over his shoulder, “Where do you think?”
Sanzo sighed and began walking. He couldn’t believe he was doing this. He was freezing. The warmer clothes helped to a point, but this was a snow storm! Damn! What did he do to get involved with such idiots?
And, why didn’t he just turn around and walk into that warm cabin? It pissed him off when his feet didn’t listen to his head.
Goku looked up at Gojyo and chuckled, “Do those feelers find Hakkai?”
“They’re not antenna!” Gojyo smacked Goku across the shoulders.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hakkai lifted his head with a sniffle and thought about how pitiful this was and how pathetic he was. Reduced to tears by a tree. A stupid Oak tree. Just wood and leaves. A plant. A biological organism that was completely at the mercy of chaos. A thing that had to grow where it fell. An object that had to remain where it was. A cluster of elements that was totally dependent upon the rotation and tilt of a rock. A rather large rock, but a rock nonetheless.
This tree had no power over him.
It was just a tree. He closed his eyes and put Hakuryuu in motion. His fingers ached from the cold as he gripped the gear shift. The pads of his ring fingers were numb -- he hoped it spread.
Hakkai just scared himself. He didn’t want to be numb. Even if it hurt, he still wanted to feel. He’d squandered too many years being numb. Why did he ever think coming here would be a good thing?
Gonou softly sighed. That green-eyed demon still didn’t see it.
Hakkai jerked the jeep through a three point turn and left that Oak tree behind him. He felt angry for no good reason. He felt apprehensive and edgy. He sighed, at least he felt something even if he didn’t understand it.
As he drove toward the lodge, he was able to calm himself and put on the blank smile his companions had become accustomed. The smile faded as he saw no signs of them. He could tell they were here; he threw away one of Sanzo’s discarded cigarette butts. The mercantiles were locked up and the front desk was unattended. He sighed.
Thinking they may have already headed back to the cabins, he got in the jeep and drove off.
As he drove he began to feel a little resentful over this prying. If they wanted to know something, why didn’t they just come right out an ask? They would ask, “What were you like?” He would answer, “A completely different person.” Nothing more is necessary. That’s the simple truth. Why was it that people tried so hard to get under his skin? Why were they so desperate to see under that smile? Why did they have to go behind his back , ensuring that he could not control the information?
Why couldn’t they just accept him for who he is now?
It wasn’t too long before crimson strands peeked over a hill. Those strands were quickly followed by a tan face and two other people. Hakkai smiled. “I was just looking for you.”
The jeep came to a stop and they climbed in.
Crimson eyes narrowed as he got into the jeep. Something was very off with that smile and without a doubt Hakkai had been crying. Why wouldn’t he just share --- an epiphany occurred in a water sprite’s mind.
How painful has this visit been for Hakkai? Everywhere his lover looked, memories of his tormenting past were slapped into his face. He and Kanan came here. They stayed here. They build that cabin. The cabin couldn’t be that old, they probably had sex on that very mattress. They cooked in that kitchen. They walked these paths. Everywhere Hakkai looked --- was overflowing with memories.
Like a child, he’d been playing with a toy all the while not realizing the doll’s pain. All the while, not noticing the growing strain beneath that smile.
Gojyo sighed. Hakkai must have known how difficult this visit would be. Why did the green-eyed man even choose to come here? What was Hakkai trying to say? What was he trying to do?
After assuring Hakkai, several times, that no one needed to eat; they parted ways and went into their respective cabins.
No sooner did the door to cabin thirty-eight click closed did Gojyo have his hands on Hakkai’s shoulders. He dove into those emerald eyes, “Did the cold sting your eyes?”
Hakkai blinked, “Yes.” This was not a lie in Hakkai’s mind. This was semantic interpretation. The cold of the past had indeed stung his eyes.
Gojyo’s mouth shifted wryly. “Talk to me; tell me what’s going on.”
Hakkai blinked. Since when did Gojyo embrace the magic of words? Wordlessly, Hakkai had Gojyo pinned against the wall. He had his lover’s wrists over his head and pushed into the sheet rock.
Gojyo pinned between a kiss and the wall. Normally, this situation would mean nothing but fun; however, Gojyo had a second bone chilling epiphany. His warped bed-hopping therapy had spread. It had spread to someone very dear to him -- it had spread to Hakkai. Not only had it spread, but he was the active contagion all those nights back with the “for a little while.” He’d taught and encouraged Hakkai to use physical release as a means to go numb, as a way to ignore, as a way to hide and as a way to forget.
As Hakkai’s hands explored Gojyo, with those snow cold fingers sliding between warm flesh and warm fleece, the red-head realized this was the reason for Hakkai’s compliancy. This was the reason for “by any means necessary”. Hakkai was willing to put up with anything in order to forget -- in order to go numb.
Gojyo was right and he was wrong.
Hakkai was trying to block the memories -- for a little while, but he was not trying to go numb. Au contraire, he was trying desperately to remind himself how to feel. He was fighting the numbness. Being with Gojyo, was when he felt the most from all sides. He grabbed onto that and held it like a hungry Tigon would its prey. This contributed to the complacency and the “by any means necessary”, but it was not the root. That was just a natural extension, albeit a very personal one, of Hakkai’s typical self-sacrificing ways.
Hakkai had always been a creative lover even if it didn’t cross into the stereotypical realm of “kink”. The compliancy with Gojyo’s ideas was not compliancy per se. Hakkai thoroughly enjoyed these activities. He wanted his boundaries expanded. He wanted his body explored. He wanted Gojyo physically and mentally and Gojyo was the only one he trusted enough to even think of experiencing these kinds of activities.
However, it was compliancy on some levels. Hakkai was co-dependent. Kanan’s concerns were not unfounded, but he wasn’t so co-dependent as to experience the unfulfillment that typical accompanied co-dependency -- normally. Hakkai genuinely enjoyed making others happy. He earnestly liked tending to others. He wasn’t as altruistic as most thought -- he got pleasure out of helping others. Sometimes, the nursemaid had to step beyond his white uniform. Sometimes, in order to help others -- he had to endure a few moments of discomfort -- which was why one way or another Gojyo’s thrashing ended tonight.
Just as he was willing to die to keep that sand from burying all four of them, he was willing to endure one night of pain to keep that woman from destroying Gojyo.
As Hakkai was working Gojyo’s shirt off, tan fingers curled around a green fleece shirt. Gojyo gently pushed Hakkai back, “What are you doing?”
Hakkai knitted his brow, “I’m sorry; does this impede your plans?”
“The hell with my plans. Why are you doing this?”
Hakkai was very confused. That seemed like rejection. “I’m sorry, do you not want to do this?”
“Yes, I want to do this.” Gojyo turn down sex? Well, rarely -- dammed if he’d admit it though. “I want to know why.”
“Because I want to share myself with you. Because I want to feel you under my tongue. Because, I love you.”
“And?” That tongue bit sounded damn good.
Hakkai tilted his head, “Would you like for me to run through all of the reasons? We’ll be here for hours.”
Time to cut to the chase. “You’re using this to hide.”
“Yes, I am.”
That kind of honesty from Hakkai just shocked the shit out of Gojyo. He blinked. He’d expected Hakkai to dodge or deflect. He had a conversation in his head that fired at Hakkai until he admitted it. He hadn’t yet prepared for honesty.
Hakkai continued, “Is that so bad?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
Crimson eyebrows knitted. Why was that so bad? It sure felt wrong, but why? “Because it just is.”
“We all have our ways of hiding, don’t we? Some hide in liquor, some in anger, some behind tears or television or reading or work. We all hide. I want to hide with you between the sheets. Tell me, why that is so bad.”

Well, shit. When he put it that way, it didn’t seem so bad. Why was it bad? When stated so logically, what was really wrong with someone hurting seeking comfort? Did aspirin just hide the headache? Was that bad? Oh sure, some book somewhere would say a person should work out their problems so that there is nothing from which to hide.
Was that really possible?
Hakkai’s and Gojyo’s hurts were not the type that could be “worked out”. No amount of talking, dealing or therapy could “work out” Kanan back to life. No amount of talking, dealing or therapy could “work out” Gojyo into a normal childhood.
No amount of “working out” could erase the scarred abdomen and the scarred cheek.
There was nothing wrong with two pieces of salvage merging to make a viable whole.
Call it deflecting. Call it hiding. Call it running. Call it a variety of things, but call it love also.

Call it salvage rights.

Gojyo softly smiled, “No, Lover, it isn’t so bad.” As a matter of fact, Gojyo now thought it was beautiful. So what if Hakkai wanted to hide? What mattered is that he wanted to hide with Gojyo. The key was that Hakkai didn’t dwell in solitude. Hakkai turned to Gojyo. That red-head was feeling more special by the minute. Special enough to start and stop tears. Special enough to see under that smile. And now, special enough to console the once inconsolable. He pulled Hakkai to his chest and squeezed his lover tightly. He whispered and hid the choke in his voice, “Close your eyes.” He scooped Hakkai up in his arms and set out to hide with his lover. He set out to implement some plans. He set out to repair a piece of salvage, even if it was just for a little while.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sanzo stepped into the cabin tossed his wet and cold cloak to somewhere off his body.
Goku bent and picked it up off the floor.
The blonde immediately headed to the fireplace and began building a fire. He wanted warmth NOW. He wasn’t waiting for the monkey to build one. He was going to do it his damn self.
Goku draped their cloaks over the back of the dining area chairs, in hopes that they would dry properly. With his book cradled under one arm Goku sat down on the couch. Feigning reading, he lifted his eyes and watched Sanzo through brunette bangs.
Sanzo flicked his lighter and the kindling was lit. It wasn’t a pretty fire, but it was warm. The cold and wet had sunk in to his sweater. He pulled it off and draped it carefully across the back of the couch. He sat down in his jeans and silks on the couch and willed the fire to grow.
Without moving his head Goku looked at Sanzo. He was waiting for his opening.
Sanzo ran a hand through his hair, lit a cigarette and settled into the couch. He rolled his head back.
Goku shifted.
Before Sanzo could react, Goku leaned his back against Sanzo’s chest. The blonde sighed. There was no point in arguing with the monkey. Sanzo lifted his arm and draped it down Goku’s chest. At least, this was warm.
Goku bent both his knees and held the comic anthology book in both hands. His thighs supported the back of the book.
Violet eyes blinked. Goku was quiet. This usually wasn’t good. With an askance look Sanzo peeked at what had the monkey so enthralled.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gojyo had Hakkai flat on his back in the middle of the bed. The maroon silk sheet completely covered Hakkai. All of the toys had been scooped into the red leather bag, while Hakkai had his eyes closed. Gojyo didn’t want to project these surprises.
Emerald eyes blinked beneath the sheet. The silk was soft and the maroon didn’t block all the light like black would, but this was a little unsettling. In a weird way, he kind of felt like a cadaver.
Gojyo straddled the silk covered hips and smoothed his hands down the outline of Hakkai’s shoulders and arms. “You ok under there?”
Hakkai nodded, “Yeah.” This was odd, but he could go with it. He didn’t like the restriction the silk put on his air supply. He really didn’t like the little tension in the sheet between the tip of his nose and his chin. He also thought that was an odd thing to key in on. Of all the sensations around him, why was his mind grabbing at that?
Gojyo lifted an eyebrow. That “yeah” didn’t sound all that confident. He leaned over and whispered, “Remember, one word and it all stops.”
Hakkai nodded and the sheet shifted the tip of his nose. He liked the feel of the silk against his skin and he liked the pressure and warmth from Gojyo’s touch, but being fully draped liked this was just unnerving. He blinked. This was about expanding boundaries; he could give this a try.
Gojyo shifted and pulled more slack in the sheet over Hakkai’s torso. He pressed his palms against Hakkai’s chest and shifted the silk against his lover’s skin.
Hakkai knitted his brow. That felt pretty good. A soft, “Mmmmm,” lifted from him.
Gojyo smiled. He didn’t like the fact that Hakkai was flaccid, but he did like that little hum. He lifted his hands and lightly touched his fingertips to Hakkai’s forehead.
The unexpected shift in touch made Hakkai jerk slightly.
Tan fingers danced a light ghostly dance down to Hakkai’s waist -- dipping into the contours of his lover’s body.
A shudder ran down Hakkai’s body. Gojyo’s scent, that’s what it was. He didn’t like being cut-off from Gojyo’s scent.
Gojyo expected that to provoke more than a soft shudder, “You alright?”
“Yeah, this is just a little strange.”
Gojyo smirked. The strange part is coming. “Just checking.” He shifted and pulled the safety scissors from the red bag. He pinched and lifted the sheet by Hakkai’s mouth and slowly cut out a circle.
A brown eyebrow lifted. That solved the air restriction issue, the tension in the sheet issue and he could detect Gojyo’s scent, but for some reason he liked this even less.
Pink lips pressed against light pink lips and a pink tongue sought acceptance.
Emerald eyes narrowed as Gojyo explored him. It was strange kissing with his eyes open, but he just didn’t feel the urge to close them. His eyelashes brushed against the silk. He liked the kiss, the kiss was fine. No better and no worse than any of the other kisses they had shared. Yet, he felt disconnected.
Gojyo pulled back from the kiss and smiled as Hakkai’s mouth held static. Those light pink lips rested slightly parted. This teeth were just a bit separated and that pointed tongue lingered between them . He brushed his index finger from his lover’s silk covered cheek, across the exposed skin just above the upper lip and onto the other silk covered cheek. He grinned as Hakkai’s bottom lip briefly quivered.
Now, that was different. Hakkai liked the kiss, but he didn’t care for the sensations of muted touch. He quickly picked up on the intent of the game. The unexpected contrast of touch and muted touch was to keep the person draped in a state of flux. In theory that sounded fun, but why was his heart racing?
Gojyo shifted back and cut two circles out around Hakkai’s nipples. He ran his fingers from sheet to silk and back onto sheet.
Hakkai’s breath hitched.
Crimson eyebrows knitted. He ran the pads of his middle fingers in a small circle over Hakkai’s nipples.
Hakkai nibbled his bottom lip. Why were his hands shaking?
Gojyo rested back on Hakkai’s hips. His lover was not responding properly. Hakkai was not pushing back against the touch. The moans and writhing that normally accompanied these types of touches were absent. “Hakkai, are you alright?”
Hakkai nodded, “Yes.”
A crimson eyebrow lifted. That was a weak “yes”. “Do you remember the words?”
“Yes.”
Crimson eyes narrowed. Something wasn’t right. Maybe Hakkai was just experiencing the normal nervousness the came with expanding boundaries. Gojyo raised up to his knees and shifted down Hakkai’s body. On his knees, he straddled one of Hakkai’s shins.
Emerald eyes went wide. Where was the comforting touch? He felt Gojyo’s body weight on the bed, but where was the assuring touch? He couldn’t see his lover and now he couldn’t feel him. The sheet shifted at Hakkai’s hip. It was being pulled up. This was bizarre -- it was like he was bundled in a several sizes too large robe -- incased in dark, soft fabric. Panic seized his throat. He pushed the words out, “Gojyo! Neutral!”
Crimson eyes went wide. That was no “neutral”. The panic in that voice was a reverse! In a flash of maroon and with a pop of silk, that sheet was over Gojyo’s back and he was pressing against Hakkai’s body. Concerned crimson found frightened emerald. “What’s wrong?”
Hakkai pulled his arms around Gojyo. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to stop. I-I just needed to feel you.”
Gojyo felt those hands trembling against his back. “No, need to be sorry. If you don’t like this, we don’t have to do it.” Gojyo already had his mind made up; this game stopped now.

Sometimes games don’t work.

If it weren’t for Gojyo’s deep understanding of Hakkai’s responses and voice inflection, he may have missed it. He may have treated that neutral as a neutral, but he knew -- because of the trust they’d built and games they’d played -- that tone was the tone of his lover in distress. No matter what Hakkai said -- this game stopped right here, right now.
Gojyo pressed his face into the crook of Hakkai’s neck and slid his arms between light tan shoulders and the bedding. He held his lover tightly. “Are you alright, really?”
“Yeah, I’m ok now. You can go on with your plan.”
Gojyo smirked as he remembered the “I didn’t want to reject you” line from before. He softly spoke, “No, we don’t always have to play games. There is nothing wrong with just you and just me.” He tilted his head and pressed a kiss below Hakkai’s ear.
“But, Gojyo --”
“But nothing.” He lifted up and smiled at his lover, “There’s nothing wrong with a little vanilla among rocky road.”
Hakkai got the pun and he thought it was cute, but he was too concerned to laugh, “We have to step up the aggression. This is not stepping up the aggression.”
Gojyo smirked, “We just did.”
Brown eyebrows knitted.
Gojyo continued, “You pushed back. You didn’t just accommodate me.” He was one happy kappa. He softly kissed Hakkai’s cheek, “For the future, I need to know what it was that you didn’t like.”
Hakkai blinked as he shifted a knee along the outside of one of Gojyo’s legs. He wasn’t too sure. The muted touch encouraged his slowly growing numbness, but he was fine with muted touch yesterday. The sheet made him feel disconnected, but he’d closed his eyes plenty of times before -- not seeing Gojyo couldn’t have been the issue.
Gojyo whispered in Hakkai’s ear a hand traveled into short brunette locks, “Love, did I make you feel objectified?”
Hakkai shook his head, “No.” That wasn’t it either. He knew they had more than bedroom activities in the their relationship. This union was based upon friendship first and foremost -- that was never in doubt. The sheet --- being fully draped in that sheet was unnerving from the beginning, but why? He turned his head and pressed a kiss to Gojyo’s neck, “I don’t know. I suppose it wasn’t one specific thing really. The whole effect … the synergy …I uumm… I suppose I just really need to feel and see you now. Fully.” He shook his head briefly, “I don’t really know.”
Gojyo slid one hand down Hakkai’s chest, “Then, feel me you shall.”
Hakkai lifted an eyebrow. Shall? That was a strange word from Gojyo. “Shall? Did that actually come from your mouth? Who are you and what have you done with my lover?”
Gojyo purred, “I have been around you too long my darkling lesnan.” Gojyo smiled he felt Hakkai firming against his hips.
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Goku waited until he felt Sanzo’s head move, then he turned the page. He grinned.

This little game had been going on for a while, he could feel Sanzo reading over his shoulder, “You’ll hurt your eyes. You should put on your glasses if you’re going to read.”
Sanzo grumbled, “I’m not reading.” He paused, “I’m looking out the window.”
Goku smiled and all his teeth were revealed, “Oh, I shouldn’t presume.” He flipped the page and felt Sanzo’s body subtly shift. He read the cartoon panel and paused. He knew that without his glasses Sanzo’s reading speed was a little bit slower than usual.
Sanzo’s head shifted again. “Yes, you shouldn’t.” Presume? He’s been around Hakkai too much.

Goku did not turn the page.
A brief moment passed.
Goku sighed. “I don’t get this one.”
Sanzo spoke, “To understand that one, you have to know that Dr. Jane Goodall is an esteemed primate researcher. The foremost authority, highly respected. The female primate is accusing her mate of seeing “that hussy” behind her back.” At that moment he realized he spoke before moving his head to read the panel -- officially.
Goku chuckled. “Would you get your glasses before you hurt your eyes, please? Besides, they’re sexy on you.”
Sanzo sighed as Goku shifted.
Goku knitted his brow, “Wouldn’t that doctor chick get upset about being called a hussy?”
Sanzo fished his glasses from his pack, “No, Dr. Goodall actually contacted the artist and told him how much she enjoyed the panel. The people that blasted him for the piece did so without her knowledge and agreement. She has a copy --,” He cut himself off. That damn monkey just tricked him into revealing his deep knowledge of comics.
Goku snickered. Sanzo sure did know a lot about comic strips. “Why would the female be upset anyway?”
A blonde eyebrow lifted as Sanzo settled into the couch. He put his back against the arm rest and pushed one leg into the back cushion of the couch. There was that Goku logic again. That brunette had this relationship all worked out in his head, “Some people only want their partners to…” he paused, “play card games with just them.”
Goku settled between Sanzo’s legs and pressed his back against his lover’s chest, “Why?”
“Because they’re stupid.” There was no need to confuse the man-child with thoughts of commitments and stifling relationship dynamics. This arrangement worked, there was no need to “fix” it.
That satisfied Goku’s curiosity briefly, “What about Gojyo and Hakkai?”
“What about them?”
“Do they play card games with other people?”
“How am I suppose to know?” Sanzo paused and glanced out the window. “I’m sure they do. Gojyo is involved in that …” What was it that was going on between the demon and the half-breed? He continued, “relationship.”
“Oh.” That satisfied the monkey’s need to know. “Are you ready for me to flip the page?”
“Do what you want.“ Sanzo sucked his teeth, “I’m not reading your comic book.”
Goku chuckled, “Of course, I’ll keep that in mind.”
Sanzo’s head shifted. This was much easier with his glasses.
With the warm fire crackling and popping and the snow fluttering down outside a large bay window, Sanzo sat on a black couch with one arm over the back of the couch and one getting dangerously close to being wrapped around the monkey’s chest. Goku leaned against his personal sunshine and had both feet on the couch. Together they shared some quiet time. Goku was reading and Sanzo was “looking out the window.”
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Hakkai ran his index finger up Gojyo’s spine, “This isn’t your plan.”
Gojyo nipped at Hakkai’s ear-cuffed ear, “To hell with my plan.”
Light tan knees raised up from the bed and Hakkai gently squeezed his lover, “We have a problem to work out.”
Gojyo nodded as he walked a line of kisses across Hakkai’s collar bone, “Yeah, you need to feel me. Working on that.”
Emerald eyes clandestinely rolled, “We have a larger problem. Tonight’s situation.”
Gojyo shrugged, “I should stick to simple plans. This will be my plan.” He nipped a naked ear and ran his tongue down to the center of Hakkai’s collar bone.
Hakkai pushed with one leg and in a blur of maroon silk Gojyo was on his back. Hakkai settled his hips against his lover’s and made a pleasant mental note of the growing firmness that was matching his own, “So, what was all of that with the sheet? You’ve seemed interested in doing that since we got here.”
Gojyo grinned as his hands worked their way up light than thighs. “A sensory deprivation and contrast game. It was just foreplay.” Tan fingers curled around light tan hips, “But this is just as fun.”
Hakkai’s hands chased each other up Gojyo’s chest, “Yes, but it isn’t aggressive.”
Crimson eyes scanned the artistic grace straddling him, “Hakkai, I don’t care how I have you just as long as I have you.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jiroshin sighed, “It has to work.”
The Great Kannon cued up the next commercial and cut a rectangle out of black construction paper, “It’s not gonna.”
He knitted his brow, “But, if it doesn’t then that relationship will be destroyed.”
She stood up from her chair and taped the construction paper over the little window in the booth door. Those people were just irritating. “Oh, Jiroshin,” She patted his shoulder, “Don’t tell me you’ve gotten wrapped up in the little love story.”
His head swayed softly, “Well, yeah. I wanna see everything work out alright in the end. Is that so wrong?”
She softly smiled as she put on her headphones. “When have these four ever had a happy ending?”
Jiroshin paled.
The “On Air“ sign was lit, “The weather sucks and the T.V. is out most places. There’s a whole bunch of schools out and places closed, but you punks don’t need to hear about that. If you are getting out of your homes in this mess you deserve to be left out in the cold. Now, for your listening pleasure, I’ll be giving a blowjob live on the air.”
Jiroshin fell over.
She cackled, “Just kidding!” She cued up the next song and tacked on yet another fine for yet another airways violation.
She never put too much faith in rules. She lifted an eyebrow. Booze. Now. With a snap of her fingers a few select bottles appeared on her desk.
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Light tan fingers dipped between pink lips. Hakkai shifted his hips as he marched a line of kisses down Gojyo’s stomach. A light pink tongue parted and swirled around a tan bellybutton.
Gojyo nipped Hakkai’s fingers as a soft moan left him. This was nice. It had been too long since he was under his lover.
Hakkai trailed his tongue to his lover’s hipbone. He smiled as Gojyo’s now fully firm erection pressed against his shoulder.
Gojyo flipped his tongue on its side and slid it between Hakkai’s fingers.
After one wide and wet swipe against a tan hipbone, Hakkai pursed his lips and blew cool air against his lover’s skin.
Crimson eyes slowly closed and Gojyo moaned. He rocked his hips and tried to pushed himself harder against Hakkai’s shoulder.
Hakkai shifted and Gojyo’s rocking fell just a smidge too short -- touch was denied. One of the few times in this situation that the phrase “too short” could be used in conjunction with Gojyo. With alternating flicks of tongue and brushes of cool air, Hakkai worked his way to Gojyo’s other hip bone.
Gojyo took in a gasp and Hakkai’s fingers slid down his chin and rested lightly on his throat.
The green-eyed man repeated his teasing against the previously neglected hip. Hearing the wonderful pleas of encouragement from his lover, he shifted and hovered just over Gojyo’s cock.
Crimson eyes fluttered back. He could feel Hakkai’s breath surround him, but nothing else. “Lover….please.”
Hakkai smiled. That just didn’t sound anxious enough. Hakkai opened his mouth and released a pocket of hot breath.
Gojyo squirmed and moaned. This teasing was reaching critical mass. Tan hands fisted dark tan virgin wool.
Hakkai liked the sound of straining grunts from that crimson topped man. He pointed his tongue and tapped the underside of his tongue against the top of his lover’s cock.
Gojyo gasped.
Hakkai removed his wet touch and washed his lover with cool breath.
“Arrrggghhhh!” Gojyo gritted his teeth. “So, not fair!”
Hakkai nudged his lips forward. A he softly spoke his lips barely brushed his crimson harbor, “What’s not fair?”

Gojyo’s breath hitched. “Say ‘what’ again.”
“Www-hhh-aaa-ttt.” Hakkai slowly spoke and grinned.
As Hakkai’s lips moved to form the “wh”, Gojyo was touched by the most delicate kiss. A soft simple embrace that sent tingles through him. “Again, please.”
“Wwww--hhhh---y?” Hakkai stifled a snicker.
Gojyo groaned. Gods! “Wh” words had never been so much fun. “Because, I like to hear you.”
“When?” Again he spoke tantalizingly slowly, know that his teasing was keying his lover up.
“Anytime, lover, anytime.”
“Where?”
“Oh, dear god! Anywhere!” Gojyo slowly closed his eyes and had to concentrate on not rocking his hips. Oh! If Hakkai would just ---
“Mmmm?” Hakkai had pressed his lips against the side of his lover’s arousal and posed a simple question.
The vibrations from Hakkai’s vocalizations sent shudders through Gojyo. “C-c-could you repeat that? I don’t think I heard you.”
“Mmmm?” Hakkai parted his teeth and swiped the tip of his tongue against Gojyo’s length.
Gojyo’s hips jerked and his stomach quivered. “You are such a tease!”
Hakkai pulled his lips from his lover and crawled up the bed. He had one knee between Gojyo’s legs and wrapped one hand up under his lover’s neck. He smiled as his “free” shoulder shifted. “And all this time, I thought you liked it.” He quickly cascaded four fingertips against Gojyo’s erection.
Crimson eyes went wide as his shoulders jerked from the bedding.
Hakkai smiled as emerald eyes twinkled, “You do!” He softly chuckled, “How much?”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Goku sighed, “What’s so funny about a cat that eats?”
Sanzo sucked his teeth, “It’s not that he eats. It’s the volume of food that he eats.”
“I don’t get it. How is eating a lot of food funny?” Brown eyebrows knitted as he rescanned the strip containing the lasagna eating cat.
Sanzo nearly smirked. Was this Goku talking about voracious appetites not being funny? “There are these things called mirrors. Use one.”
Goku turned his head and looked at glass shielded violet eyes, “What’s that mean?”
Sanzo shifted slightly to look at golden eyes. The light from the fire and the window glinted off his frameless glasses, “I know you didn’t just say that.” Could it be that Goku really didn’t see how comical he was? Sanzo sighed. “Just turn the page.”
Goku looked back at the book and smirked, “I thought you weren’t reading.”
“I’m not. I’m timing your reading speed to see if Hakkai needs to step up your tutoring.” That was his story and he was sticking to it.
“Do you think Hakkai knows how to make lasagna?”
“Read.”
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“Now you see,” The Great Kannon spoke to her listening audience. “The key to making a good B-52 is in the layers. You can carefully pour the liquors to create the luscious strata, but there is an easier way.” The clank of glass was clearly audible. “That’s by using what is called a spoon drip.” She continued the demonstration of her vast alcoholic knowledge.
Jiroshin cringed. He couldn’t believe Gojyo and Hakkai were on a path of destruction and she wasn’t doing anything. He flipped a few switches and slammed a CD in the player. He glared at her.
“What? You’re fucking with my fun.”
“I can’t believe you are just sitting idly by while this happens.”
She waved her hand in the air. “The relationship will deteriorate due to damaged trust.” She spoke nonchalantly,” One of them will eventually turn to Sanzo. They’ll be a hot little number. My nephew will come to realize how much he needs the monkey. The new coupling will split. Gojyo will go back to solid womanizing and Hakkai will dive into loneliness and insanity.” She sighed, “There, now you know how it ends, will you leave me to my fun?.”
That was just cold. Jiroshin never thought he’d do this, but he reached his hand back and swung.
She caught his wrist. “Watch yourself. I can have you pinned upside down to the wall with your balls tied in a bow around your neck in 3.5 seconds flat.” She didn’t even look at him.
He bellowed, “Do something Ms. Nothing Is Impossible For Me!”
She cackled. “You’re forgetting something.” She was glad his balls dropped for a bit, but this shit better not happen again.
Jiroshin sighed, “What?”
“The butterflies. Just because you don’t see them doesn’t mean they aren’t there.”
Jiroshin blinked and nearly called her on her grammar.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hakkai locked his emerald gaze in crimson pools. Light tan fingers slowly wrapped around a hard cock. He stroked his lover with long slow strokes.
Gojyo softly moaned and melted against Hakkai’s arm and into the mattress.
Hakkai suddenly sped up his strokes.
Gojyo’s shoulders jerked off the bedding and he grabbed for Hakkai.
A smirking light tan face filled Crimson’s line of vision. “Oh, what is it?”
Gojyo’s moan and breath were captured by his throat.
With no warning Hakkai switched back to the long slow strokes.
Gojyo relaxed and a soft moan left him.
“Did you like that?” Hakkai didn’t need to ask; he could see the pleasure clearly in those crimson pools.
Half lidded crimson nodded.
Hakkai sped up the strokes.
Again, Gojyo’s shoulders jerked from the bedding and he held on to his lover. Again, his breath and passion pleas stopped in his throat.
With their faces just a breath apart, Hakkai smiled as erotic tension took his lover. “Something the matter? You’ve gone quiet.” He switched back the long slow stokes.
Gojyo relaxed and tried to catch his breath, “Ha --Ha--…” His voice hid beneath several pants.
Hakkai smiled, “Kai. HA-kkai, Hakkai is my name. Remember it.” He returned to the quick strokes.
Gojyo jerked from the bedding. His brow knitted and his mouth opened in a silent yell.
Hakkai tilted his head, “You keep moving like that. Is something wrong?” He softly chuckled.
Gojyo buried his face in Hakkai shoulder.
Hakkai returned to the slow strokes.
Gojyo melted.
Hakkai smiled. Gojyo was relaxing more and more with each stroke. He continued varying the speed and force of his attentions. As the game progressed the time spent with the long slow strokes slowly decreased and the time with the short quick strokes increased.
Gojyo kept getting pushed right to the edge of euphoria and then suddenly he’d be forced to back.
Hakkai smiled as Gojyo’s writhing and breath captured urgency.
Gojyo fell back against the bedding. His chest heaved with catching breath. Sweat glistened on his skin. “Dear GOD, Hakkai!” Again, he was recoiling from just shy of release. Hakkai kept him in that small zone where internal itches dominate thought -- where his mind would just begin to go blank.
Hakkai tilted his head, “I thought you read those books.”
Gojyo gritted his teeth. “I know what ‘climbing the mountain’ is.” He took in a deep breath, “You are going to pay for this.”
Hakkai smiled oh-so-innocently. “You seem to be enjoying…” He sped up his stokes, “this.”
Gojyo jerked and grabbed Hakkai’s shoulders. He pushed his forehead into his lover’s chest. Crimson eyes squeezed shut. Teeth gritted. Lips parted.
Hakkai slowed.
Gojyo’s teeth parted and a yell left him as he crashed back on to the bed. He actually bounced a little before settling into the bedding.
Hakkai stopped and sat cross legged on the mattress beside to the outside of Gojyo’s leg.
Crimson eyes opened and eyebrow knitted. He was no longer being touched. He blinked as his eyes shifted down. He saw his lover grinning like a Cheshire cat --- just sitting and grinning. Not doing anything else --- like -- for example -- touching him! “What are you doing?”
Hakkai calmly and sweetly spoke, “I’m stopping.”
One crimson eye went wide the other narrowed, “WHAT?” Gojyo bolted upright on the bed.
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A blonde eyebrow lifted. Why hadn’t Goku turned the page?
Tan fingers slipped from the paper. Goku’s hand swayed slightly as it dangled in the air just a few inches above the floor.
Sanzo craned his neck and violet eyes peered. Oh, god damn it! The little shit was asleep. The monkey fell asleep on his chest. Violet eyes rolled and his teeth gritted.
Blonde eyebrows knitted. Goku had been sleeping a lot since they arrived here. Could it be that this mission was harder on the little guy than he shows? Could it be that the one that was most anxious for a good fight was hiding beneath his strength and was simply tired? Goku hadn’t complained of boredom since they arrived here.
Sanzo pulled the book from Goku and gently set it on the floor. He curled his fingers under limp tan fingers. There was one of the hands that held the fate of the world. Could it be the energetic monkey needed this spontaneous vacation more than any of the others?
Sanzo scanned those tan fingers resting against his pale hand. Perfect because he was flawed not in spite of it. Solid strength and unquenchable curiosity. Unrelenting hunger -- but was it really for food? Could that hunger really be for life?
Or could it be that, the chimp simply wasn’t that deep? Maybe, Goku really was surface level? Maybe, Goku was the only one of the group that was “what you see is what you get”?
Sanzo glanced out the window at the snow. Maybe, the monkey was just depressed? Goku depressed? Was that even possible?
It didn’t matter. None of it mattered. Sanzo was comfortable and had no desire to get up. The monkey could just sleep for all he cared.
He curled his hand back and fumbled for the ashtray, his cigarettes and his lighter.
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“Stopping. I’m stopping.” Hakkai spoke slowly. Did Gojyo suddenly forget the language?
“Like hell you are.” He reached a hand up and tugged Hakkai’s shoulder toward him.
Hakkai resisted with a giggle, “Oh no, Mister, if you want me. You’re going to have to come after me.”
Crimson eyes narrowed. In a flash of tan and crimson Hakkai was tackled diagonally in the center for the bed.
Hakkai softly chuckled as Gojyo began to ravish his neck. He just goaded Gojyo back into the plan of aggressive sexuality.
Crimson eyes cut sharply askance as pink lips attacked a light tan neck. Gojyo stretched an arm and his fingertips brushed the red leather bag. He growled, “It’s not nice to tease the kappa.”
Hakkai smiled. He heard the playful undertones supporting that growl.
Gojyo jerked from Hakkai and yanked at bag within reach. Gojyo eyed his lover. There was something about seeing Hakkai’s face above naked shoulders supported by bedding that was just so damn sexy. He whispered, “Comfortable enough to close your eyes?”
Emerald eyes slipped closed. Burnette eyebrows knitted as something soft yet hard was slipped around one of Hakkai’s wrists. His knee was lifted slightly and something encircled his thigh. He heard the a creak and sniffed the air. That was most assuredly leather. Gojyo’s weight on the bed shifted and soft but firm leather encircled his other wrist and thigh. Gojyo shifted again and hair tickled his cheeks. A light kiss was pressed against his lips.
Gojyo whispers, “Wrist to thigh restraints.”
Emerald eyes slowly opened and Hakkai tugged on his binds. “Where in the world did you get these?”
Gojyo grinned. “A while back, when I was only hoping to have a certain someone in them.”
Hakkai’s cheeks flushed, “You were unregulated in an adult toy store?”
Gojyo nodded as his grin got just a little bit bigger.
Hakkai gasped, “The world is in trouble.”
Gojyo shook his head slowly, “No, just you. All about you.” He wrapped his fingers around Hakkai’s fingers and gently twisted. “If something happens press…” He made a slightly adjustment, “here. They will separate and then you can unbuckle the straps.”
Hakkai nodded.
The half-breed lightly nipped the demon’s shoulder, “These restraints in this position can put pressure on your lower back. Are you comfortable?”
Hakkai smiled, “I’m fine.”
A crimson eyebrow lifted and Gojyo shifted to look Hakkai in the eyes, “Say it again.”
“I’m fine.” Hakkai smiled.
Gojyo nodded. That was a honest response. “Good. Because with what I’m about to do to you, you won’t want to be kneeling.”
Hakkai softened his smile, “With me.”
Gojyo darted in for a quick kiss. “With you.” He raised back up to his hands and knees and crimson eyes twinkled with playfullness, “Do I need to get a blindfold or are you going to close those eyes?”
Emerald eyes slid closed.
Gojyo nearly giggled with anticipation as he pulled the surprise from the red leather back. Hakkai had no fucking clue what was about to hit him. Restraints weren’t the only thing he picked up all that time back under clandestine hope. With the instrument of pleasure properly lubed, Gojyo leaned over Hakkai and kissed his lover’s cheet. He whispered, “Relax and hang on, lover. This is going to be a little bit different.”
Hakkai cried out as pleasure rushed through him. He was already hard which made him wonder why Gojyo even said that.
This is why. When Hakkai cried out, he arched his back. That caused his arms to pull which caused his thighs to raise which caused his knees to part, which opened his body to Gojyo, which made for one happy water sprite.
“Open your eyes for me, please.“ Gojyo looked down at his lover as Hakkai strained against his binds. He loved the flush with passion look on those cheeks and the burgeoning lust behind those emerald eyes. What was it about seeing Hakkai so wanting that was just so damn sexy?
Emerald eyes slightly widened as Hakkai felt something cool from lubricant pushing against him. Those crimson eyes filled his vision and they were brimming over with playfulness.
Crimson eyes locked with emerald. Gojyo wanted to see this in in Hakkai’s eyes. He shifted his hands.
Hakkai’s mouth opened and he took in a gasp as something firm yet malable penetrated him.
Gojyo could see the line of pleasure and point of deep pentration in those emerald eyes. He watched as the muscles around Hakkai’s eyes tightend and then softened at the smooth invasion.
Hakkai whispered, “That’s not you.”
Gojyo grined, “No, it’s not.” He backed his hand and stroked the dildo inside of his lover.
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Sanzo’s bladder just let him know that he wasn’t as comfortable as he thought he was.
Maybe, he could ignore it. Goku wouldn’t nap that long.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Emerald eyes softly fluttered back and a purring moan lifted from the demon.
Gojyo pressed a kiss against Hakkai’s chin and ran his tongue down his lover’s throat, down his chest and over his stomach. He paused briefly to lavish a bit of attention on that scar that brought them together. He shifted down and pressed his lips against the head of his lover’s cock.
Hakkai writhed beneath his lover. His fingers curled around the small chain between his leather restraints.
Gojyo pressed his lips firmly together and pushed his lips against his lover.
Hakkia cried out as his hardness pushed its way beyond his lover’s tight embrace.
Gojyo backed his head keeping the suction strong and pushed in his hand.
“Gojyo!” This feeling of taking and being taken blurred and mixed inside of Hakkai. His mind scrambled to sort through the sensations surging through him. Gojyo kept a steady alternating rythum.
Crimson hair bounced around Gojyo’s face as he set out to pleasure his lover.
Hakkai could feel the soft strands dancing and tickling his thighs. He was getting close so very close. “Gojyo!”
The red-head made note of the urgency in his lover’s voice. It wouldn’t be long now.
Hakkai felt himself sliding against Gojyo’s velvety tonuge and the firm roof of his mouth. He was being filled with something firm and yet not hard. His breath came in short gasps and volumous moans.
With a wet pop, Gojyo pulled himself from around Hakkai and rested back on his shin.
Hakkai took several moments to calm and control his breathing. Half-lidded ermerald found grinning crimson.
“Paybacks a bitch, lover.”
“Ohhh!!! Arrggh!” Hakkai’s mouth flew open as he pushed his head into bedding. “So wrong!” He chuckled.

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Ignoring it was not an option. Sanzo now had what would be referred to in polite circles as “a bladder situation”. In Sanzo-circles, he had to take a piss. Now.
He slid his hands between Goku’s shoulders and his chest. He gently lifted his charge and slowly slipped from behind the young man.
He did his best to ignore the contracting pangs as he walked to the bathroom.
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“Oh, wait for it.” Gojyo’s hand shifted.
Ffsssttt. Spppssst.
Emerald eyes went wide as he was interally stretched. “Wha--?” He looked down his body and spied a brimming over with ‘gotcha’ half-breed holding what looked like the bulb to a blood pressure cuff.
Gojyo smiled revealing all his teeth, “Inflatable dildo. Rare, but not completely uncommon. Remember that creativity, I promised? Hmmm?”
Hakkai spoke firmly, “Oh dear god.” What have I gotten myself into?

Ffsssttt. Spppssst.
“Ahhhhsssssttt.” Hakkai panted as the instrument of pleasure gently stretched him just a little bit more.
A crimson eyebrow lifted. Hakkai’s stomach as beginning to tighten. He leaned over his lover and gently stroked a light tan sternum. He softly whispered, “Relax, lover, relax.” He smiled, “It’ll hurt if you don’t.”
Hakkai took in a deep breath and the muscles in his neck began to relax.
Gojyo kissed Hakkai’s chest, “That’s good. A little more.” He trailed his fingers along Hakkai’s stomach.
Hakkai slowly closed his eyes and released a long soft breath.
Gojyo smiled against his lover’s skin. “That’s right. Let the mattress hold you.” He lightly tapped the base of the dildo with his fingers.
Hakkai took in a soft gasp as small shudders bounced around inside of him.
Gojyo knitted his brow. The girth of the toy wasn’t as thick as what Hakkai should be use to receiving. It must be something to do with it expanding while inside.
Ffsssttt. Spppssst.
Hakkai cried out as his muscles were stretched. It was one thing to have Gojyo enter him and his muscles parted and stretched sequentially to the contours of his lover. It was another thing to have them stretch simultaneously around this toy. It was wonderfully another thing.
Ffsssttt. Spppssst.
Hakkai’s thighs began to tremble and his figners were turning white from gripping the short chain.
Gojyo smiled as he watched Hakkai writhe while not wanting to writhe. Seeing his lover laid out like this before him was phenomenal. Hakkai couldn’t close off like this. He couldn’t hide. He just had to feel.
And feel he did. The numbness he was fighting had hid itself. No doubt it would at some point return but that had no bearing on the here and now. Right now, we was focusing on the sensations from his creative lover.
Gojyo pressed a kiss to Hakkai’s knees and trailed a wet line down. Keeping his tonuge extended and pointed during the brief second it was out of contact with Hakkai’s skin, he flicked his eyes up. They locked with emerald as that tonuge drew a wet line up his lover’s length.
An all body shudder rumbled through Hakkai.
Ffsssttt. Spppssst.
Ffsssttt. Spppssst.
Hakkai yelled out.
Gojyo took him orally again.
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Sanzo stepped back into the living room and eyed his … his… friend? Lover? Charge? Servant? Companion? Source of annoyance.
He eyed his source of annoyance and sighed.
Goku rolled over on his side and curled into the back cushions of the couch. There was no way Sanzo could slip back onto the couch without disturbing the obviously much needed rest.
And he didn’t want to. That’s right. He had no desire to return to that compromising position. He placed his glasses on the table and grabbed his sweater. He supposed it was time to check on the idiots across the courtyard. They were probably fucking; if he didn’t intervene then they would be too tired to deal with a sneak-attack demons.
Yeah, that was it. That was all of it. He didn’t want some kind of company right now. No, not Sanzo. He was just making sure they could fight so they could survive all the way west -- and the Sanbutsushin would get off his fucking back.
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Hakkai squeezed his eyes closed as those crimson strand danced against his thighs and stomach. “Gojyo! I’m! --”
Gojyo felt his lover’s hips raise up from tense muscles and opened the valve on the toy. With a soft sssssssstttt in the background, he set out to send Hakkai over the edge. As the toy was slowly deflating, he stroked it.
A loud vowled laden scream that tried to sound like Gojyo’s name flew from Hakkai as his breath responded from the nearly overwhelming euphoria. His stomach shook and tendons in his neck strained.
Gojyo shifted his hips slightly.
Hakkai arched from the bed. His ass actually left the bedding very briefly. His mind flashed white as he crossed into the realm of pure sensation.
Swallowing all his lover had to offer, he let Hakkai’s twitching member leave the wet cavern and removed the toy. Before Hakkai could roll from the euphoria, he was inside his lover.
Hakkai shifted his calves and curled his feet around Gojyo’s back.
Crimson strands bounced as green eyes shook on the bed. Gojyo curled his hand around the back of Hakkai’s neck for leverage and smiled as pleas that screamed of pleasure and hinted at struggle lifted to him. Brown bangs flew out as Hakkai’s head whipped from side to side.
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Sanzo flipped his cloak over his back and walked out the door.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hakkai’s breath kept hitching in his chest. He couldn’t form a comprehensible word now if he wanted to. Colors and objects swirled and shifted in his vision.
Gojyo pressed his forehead against Hakkai’s chest. Between pants he spoke, “Gods, I love this.”
Hakkai arched and pulled against his restraints. Jagged cries and breaths jutted from him.
Gojyo lifted his face and watched his lover as oblivian began to take the red-head. “Hakkai!”
Emerald eyes squeezed shut as his name slid into his ears. He smiled. He pulled his mind together and spoke, “Cum for me, Gojyo. Let me know I please you.”
Pink lips parted, revealing clenched teeth. Teeth parted and a yell came forth as Gojyo crossed into the wonderful world of raw pleasure. He crashed down on Hakkai’s chest heaved trying into catch his breath.
Hakkai felt for and found the release for the restrains. The chains popped. He wrapped his arms around his lover’s damp back. “Gods, I love you, Gojyo.”
Gojyo smiled as half-lidded crimson found satisfied emerald, “I love you too, Hakkai.” He lightly kissed those lips that were calling to him and grinned, “Enough with the sappy shit. Do you have any idea how fucking hot you are in leather?”
Gonou laughed, “You should have kept the duster.”
Hakkai shifted his arm and looked at the wide buckled strap around his wrist, “It’s nothing more than a glorified bracelet.”
Gojyo smiled a he wrapped his fingers around his lover’s forearm. He kissed the skin just below the restraint. “But, it looks so good on you.”
Emerald eyes slowly closed as Gojyo nuzzled his neck.
The half-breed softly whispered, “I need to correct you on something.”
Hakkai breathlessly whispered, “What’s that?” He softly moaned as Gojyo left him.
“You aren’t here to please me. We aren’t ‘we’ to please me. This is about us.”
There was a knock at the door.
Gojyo cringed. “Oh god damn it! Once this mission is over,” He lifted off Hakkai and sought out his boxers. “We are going somewhere for a month and we aren’t telling anyone where we are.” He stepped from the bedroom. “Not a fucking soul.”
Hakkai chuckled, “Let me guess,” He unbuckled his wrists, “You’re getting rid of them again.”
“You got that right.” Gojyo sighed as he opened the door. “What?”
Sanzo sucked his teeth. “Do you own clothes?”
Crimson eyes rolled, “What do you need oh-contemplative-one?”
“Fuck you.”
“I’m taken, sorry.”
Hakuryuu lifted his head and uncurled himself from his nice toasty spot in front of the fire.
Hakkai had unbuckled his thighs and found his boxers.
Sanzo stepped inside. “Hakkai here?”
“No, I’m just hanging out in my boxers for no good reason.”
Sanzo draped his cloak over the back of the couch. “Your mirror activities are none of my concern.” He sat down on the couch.
Gojyo eyed the hovering dragon, “You want out?”
Hakuryuu peeped. No, I’m just hanging out by the door for no good reason. When did the general get so stupid? Oh yeah, that’s right, he always was. He flew through the open door for another parameter check.
Gojyo yelled out after the dragon, “Don’t get chilled like you did yesterday.” He muttered as he closed the door. “Stupid dragon.” He eyed that blonde invader. “What do you want, Sanzo?”
Sanzo replied as he eyed the dying fire, “Is he here?”
Hakkai stepped from the bedroom and glanced at Sanzo, “Is who here?” He looked at the clock. “Oh my, time for lunch.”
Sanzo sucked his teeth. “Do you two do anything except fuck?”
Gojyo ran a hand through his hair, “Yeah, as if it is any of your business. We… we… uhh…” his voice trailed off.
Hakkai pulled some food from the refrigerator. Well, one time we….

Crimson met emerald. They shared a look. Couldn’t either one of them think of something they did together that didn’t end up carnal?
Gojyo set up the coffee pot. We bathe...

Hakkai began to cut vegetables. ...and eat.

This relationship was based upon friendship -- first and foremost. That was never in doubt until now.
Gojyo leaned against the counter and eyed Hakkai. He crossed his arms over his chest as he watched his lover prepare their meal. They’d been friends for a little over three years. What was wrong with fucking like bunnies?
Hakkai watched as light glinted off the knife in his hands. The blade slid effortlessly into the onion. Enjoying their time alone didn’t -- this much -- this actively -- didn’t negate the platonic friendship and connection that they shared, did it? This was just another layer around their solid core, right?

Gojyo stepped up behind his lover and whispered, “Can I do anything to help?”
Hakkai leaned back against Gojyo, “No, this is simple. Just fried rice. Thanks for asking.”
Gojyo trailed his fingers down Hakkai’s side, “Sure.”
Sanzo sucked his teeth. They were just sickening. He stood and pushed another log on the fire.
Gojyo turned and knitted his brow. “Where’s the monkey?”
Sanzo settled back into the couch, “Asleep.”
Gojyo and Hakkai shared a look. Hakkai set down the knife, “Oh, Sanzo.”
Gojyo stormed over to the couch, “What the fuck, monk?”
Violet eyes narrowed, “What’s your problem? He’s taking a nap. There’s no law.” He said that as if minor things like “laws” or “rules” have ever stopped them before.
Gojyo threw his arms up in the air and stomped off toward the bedroom, “You gotta be shitting me. I can’t believe this! After all we’ve ----”
Hakkai sighed, “Sanzo, think about this. Do you really think this is wise?”
“….and, just as soon as there is a moment of peace, someone’s battle instincts run out the god damn door.” Gojyo pushed his head through his fleece shirt; he was muttering to himself.
A blond eyebrow knitted.
Hakkai tilted his head, “If he is napping and you are here; that means, he’ll wake up alone. Really, Sanzo, you aren’t that cold.”
Gojyo was hopping on one foot as he made his way across the living room and into his pants, “No, but he apparently is that stupid.” He glanced at Sanzo as he grabbed his cloak, “Oh, no Sanzo! Don’t trouble yourself, I’ll take care of it.”
Big Brother Gojyo to the rescue.
Hakkai nodded and went back to preparing lunch.
Gojyo shoved a sockless foot into a shoe, “After what happened that one time…” He shoved on another shoe, “You might as well hang a sign around his neck. That says: ‘Homura please take our monkey‘.” The door slammed behind him.
Hakkai sighed as he stirred the cooking food, “I think what Gojyo is trying to say is that, considering how we are being hunted -- it isn’t wise for one us to be alone.”
Violet eyes narrowed and glared. How dare they use his own logic against him!
Gojyo stormed across the courtyard muttering to no one and to anyone, “I’m willing to bet his ass didn’t even lock the door.” He turned the door knob and there laid Goku still fast asleep. Gojyo smiled and then kicked the couch, “Monkey, the day’s wasting.”
Goku yawned and blinked his eyes.
“Get up, Chimp.”
“I’d better before you get desperate and jump me. Lunch ready? What are we doing?” He looked around, “Where’s Sanzo?”
“Over at our cabin. C’mon lunch is almost ready and we’ll play a game of cards or something.”
Golden eyes widened, “All of us?” Now, this sounded like fun.
Crimson eyebrows knitted, “Yeah, all of us.”
“Together?” He’d suggested this a while ago, but no one seemed interested then.
Gojyo shrugged. What’s the big deal? “Yeah, man, all of us. Why not?”
Goku nodded, “Did Sanzo agree to this?” He knew Sanzo played cards with other people and it didn’t matter. He just didn’t think Sanzo was into being this social.
Gojyo shrugged with his hands, “We’ve done it before, why would he have a problem with it now?”
Goku tilted his head, “You have? You and Sanzo have played a game of cards -- alone?” Everyone knew he hated secrets, why did they still keep them?
Gojyo nodded, “Yeah, when you and Hakkai were off getting supplies or when he was tutoring you; Sanzo and I play a game of cards. ”
“Hakkai doesn’t mind?” Goku lifted an eyebrow. Hakkai didn’t seem comfortable enough with himself to play cards with just anyone. He also seemed pretty possessive of Gojyo, which really boggled Goku’s mind. What was the point -- it was just card games. No big deal. It’s fun.
Gojyo knitted his brow, “No, he and Sanzo play every so often. Do you have a problem with this?” When did the monkey get so possessive over the monk?
Goku chuckled as he realized Sanzo was the “Jane Goodall” of the group. It was fitting, Sanzo was the most knowledgeable of primates. Goku shrugged as he put on his cloak, “Well, no, not in principle.” He stepped into his shoes, “Just as long as I don’t have to see you and Hakkai kiss, because that’s just weird.”
Gojyo sighed as he rolled his eyes. They did more that just have sex. Why couldn’t anyone else see that? The were just making up for lost time -- that’s all. “Whatever.”
Goku reached for the door, “It wasn’t so weird seeing Sanzo kiss Hakkai, but for some reason ---”
Gojyo’s mouth dropped open, his eyebrows hit his hairline and crimson eyes went huge, “WHAT?!” He grabbed Goku by the shoulders and spun him around, “When did Sanzo kiss Hakkai?”
Goku started to speak, but his words were lost. How in the world could Gojyo be fine will everyone playing cards together, but get upset over a kiss?
Gojyo looked at the open door, “Oh, I’m getting to the bottom of this shit.”
Goku was left in the cabin with his mouth opened, “Don’t you want to know why it’s weird? I think I’ve figured it out.” He closed the door behind him and jogged after Gojyo. “Hey, wait up! You can’t start the card game without me!”
Gojyo pushed open the door. It hit the wall and bounced back closed. He pushed it open again and held his hand out to keep it open. He bellowed, “Just when did you kiss, Hakkai?”
Goku pushed by him and shrugged, “When you were out cold, just after you got back. You were real sick.”
Gojyo glared, “The moment I’m out -- this happens. That is seriously fucked up!”
Hakkai shivered as the feeling of “oh-shit-ness” cascaded down him.
Sanzo pressed a hand to his face to hide his snicker.
Hakkai weakly spoke, “Goku, would you be so kind as to explain to Gojyo the circumstances of that kiss?”
Goku nodded as he removed his cloak and shoes, “Yeah, sure man.”
As Goku explained a soft snicker snuck from Sanzo. Violet eyes knitted under capped laughter as Gojyo relaxed. “So, you can keep your little boyfriend.”
Gojyo pushed a hand to his face. “Yeah,” His voice grew small, “No big deal, man.” He felt like an ass, he should have known there was some kind of explanation. He sighed. They had a lot more trust than that. Crimson eyes darted between a certain blonde and a certain brunette. He wasn’t about to admit the thought was kinda hot.
Hakkai began to set the table.
Goku blinked at Hakkai and looked at Sanzo, “So, are we eating, then playing a game of cards?” He wanted to make sure he had the correct order of events for this evening. He was always up for a game of cards, but he needed to make sure he was “up” for a game of cards at the right time.
Sanzo pressed his lips together as he looked at Gojyo, “What did you say to him?”
Gojyo shrugged as he eyed Hakkai. Why did the thoughts of someone else kissing his lover hurt so much? He spoke mindlessly, “I told him we’d play a game of cards or something.”
Sanzo laughed.
Everyone stopped cold and stared.
Sanzo took in a breath, “Goku, get a deck of cards.”
Golden eyes went wide and he slowly nodded, “OOOOhhhhhh!”
Sanzo smirked, “Yes, oh.” He huffed as he stood from couch and walked to the table.
They sat around the table and enjoyed a nice lunch of pork fried rice.
Crimson eyes knitted as he glanced at Hakkai. He looked over at Sanzo, “He won’t tell me, maybe you will.”
Hakkai’s stomach flipped.
Sanzo lifted an eyebrow, “What?”
“How did I get healed?”
Hakkai stood. “Look at all these dishes.”
Without breaking his gaze from Sanzo, Gojyo curled a hand around Hakkai’s shoulder and pushed his lover back down in the chair.
Hakkai took in a small gasp. He still had sensitive areas.
If Hakkai wanted to leave the table for this conversation, Gojyo knew without a doubt that he wanted to know this information.
Sanzo glanced at his empty bowl and set his utensils down. He crossed his legs and lit a cigarette. It was time to get Hakkai in trouble. Sanzo told the story. He didn’t cut corners. He didn’t sugar coat anything. He plainly and calmly told Gojyo how Hakkai nearly killed himself. It was for Hakkai’s own good. The more people that attempted to talk some sense to the keeper of those haunting green eyes the better the odds were that someone might get through.
As Sanzo spoke, crimson eyes narrowed and focused on Hakkai.
As Sanzo spoke, Hakkai’s chair grew in size. The room got huge. Those crimson eyes cut right through him. He hung his head and looked that bowl before him. It was a nice bowl. No scratches or anything. A pretty white porcelain bowl with a cobalt blue rim.
Sanzo sighed and sipped his coffee as he finished his tale. He’d said more than his requisite words today, hopefully, he was done.
Gojyo eyed Hakkai as his lover looked thoroughly chastised. He hadn’t said a word -- just glared. His face softened as he touched his fingers to Hakkai’s chin and lifted those green eyes to his gaze, “Heroics never impressed anyone, but they sure do hurt.”
Brunette eyebrows knitted. He softly spoke, “I had to do something.”
Gojyo softly smiled, “One step at a time, alright? You didn’t have to do it all at once.” He inched his face closer to those lips that were begging for gentle attention.
“Oh gag me!” Golden eyes rolled. He muttered, “That is so weird.”
Gojyo huffed, “What? Why? Why is that so weird?”
Hakkai stood up and picked up his plate.
Goku looked at Gojyo, “Because, I think, well I’m --”
“Excuse me, are you done?” Hakkai reached for Goku’s plate.
Goku nodded, “Yeah, I’m done.” He handed Hakkai his plate. “I think it is because --”
“Have you heard anything about the storm?” Sanzo glanced at Hakkai.
Hakkai shook his head. “No, we’ve not had the radio on today.”
Goku continued, “I think it is bec---”
Hakkai smiled, “Are you done?”
Sanzo nodded.
Goku restarted, “I think it is ---”
Gojyo sucked his teeth, “Yes, Hakkai I’m done.” He never broke eye contact with Goku.
Goku rolled his eyes, “I think --.”
“Where are you keeping the map?” Sanzo shifted in his seat.
Emerald eyes widened. He couldn’t take a chance on Sanzo noticing that early mistake. “You won’t find any of the ways out of here on the map.”
Goku sucked his teeth, “I think it is bec---”
“Do you want me to turn on the radio for a weather report?” Hakkai smiled.
Sanzo shook his head. “Knowing the weather won’t change it.”
Gojyo stood up and push a hand to two mouths, “Go on Goku.”
Goku was laughing too hard to speak.
The fan flew!
Gojyo rubbed his head, “Ya shitty monk! The kid’s trying to talk.”
Goku yelled, “I’m no kid!”
Gojyo’s eyes playfully narrowed, “That’s right you’re a monkey.”
Goku sucked his teeth, “Hey Hakkai, when did you develop this thing for insects?”
Gojyo grabbed Goku by the collar, “What are you trying to say, chimp-boy?”
Goku grabbed Gojyo’s hair, “Brainless insects too!”
Sanzo cringed.
Hakkai sighed.
“Brainless! Brainless!” He smacked Goku across the shoulder.
“Don’t make me get a can of Raid, roach.” He kicked Gojyo’s shin.
“You’d probably eat it! Then, ya’d get sick.” Gojyo laughed.
“Yeah, well, I’d get sick on you.” Goku shoved Gojyo.
“That was stupid. Can’t you think of a better comeback?” Gojyo laughed.
Golden eyes narrowed.
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Somewhere at some inn.
A messenger knocked on a wooden door.
A woman answered the door and she was handed a telegraph. With a smile, she closed the door and opened the telegraph.
NOT AN EMERGENCY STOP YOU HAVE A VISITOR STOP COME TO BLANCTIC STOP BAD STORM STOP TAKE CARE STOP
She sat down on the bed and knitted her brow. A visitor? Who would think to visit her at Blanctic? Kanan and Gonou. A visitor? Something happened to someone. She knew it was till death do us part with those two.
When she met Kanan, there was no doubt that she was the green-eyed girl Gonou spoke about. When she handed Gonou over to Kanan, playing the match-maker she painfully played, she knew -- it was the kind of love no one could cut. It was the kind of connection that only happened in stories. She knew it was the right thing to do. She knew Kanan would treat him good, she had no idea how well. She soon saw how well as Ah’Nesty blocked her growing feelings for Gonou and became the friend of the couple’s.
Her broken heart eventually mended. The crush remained, but she did her best to not show it. She may have had a bit of heartache, but she ended up with two dear friends. Friendship was way more important than love anyway and any day.
She smiled as she watched that green-eyed girl become his reason for breath. Years ago, she cried as she realized that Kanan could do what she couldn’t do --- help him find a reason to smile.
She’d met, for lack of a better word, Gonou when he was thirteen and brand new to St. Christopher’s Haven for Wandering Souls. She walked into the library and there sat a diminutive adolescent. He was sitting at a table meant for six people and he was sitting alone. It was lunch time, but he never seemed to eat. He just sat there dwarfed by his stacks of books. He didn’t look up as she stood by his table; he just kept reading.
Ah’Nesty wasn’t all that popular. She was known due to her antics, but she wasn’t necessarily liked. That day without a word or a glance, she sat down one chair away from that green-eyed boy that painfully obviously needed a friend.
The next day. She sat down again.
The simple pattern repeated as a month went by. He finally looked up at her and she softly smiled. He looked back at his books.
The new pattern repeated as three weeks went by. One day, she walked up to the table.
He looked up.
She softly smiled, “Hi.”
He shifted the glasses on his nose. “Hello.”
Three more weeks went by, she walked up to the table and sat down.
He looked up.
She softly smiled. “Hi, I’m Ah’Nesty.”
He shifted his glasses, “Hello. I’m Gonou.”
A month went by. She walked up to the table and sat down.
He looked up.
She softly smiled. “Hi, whatcha reading?”
“A book.” A pack of lies was more like it. Why did they make him take these religious classes anyway?
She looked over, “A bunch of crap is more like it.”
He blinked at her.
She blinked at him.
A month passed, one day she did not come to the library. The next day she wasn’t there either. The day after she still wasn’t there. How dare her show up, sit at his table, bother him during his study time, talk to him, dare to look at him like he was worth looking at and then have the nerve to not show up again. The fourth day, she didn’t show up again. He couldn’t concentrate. What if something happened to her? What if she was hurt. What if he upset her in some way? The fifth day, she showed up and sat down.
He looked up.
She smiled as she saw the worry in his eyes. “The flu.”
He nodded, “Oh. Feeling better?”
She nodded, “Yep, that book any better?”
“No.”
She sighed, “Tomorrow’s Saturday. Do you have any plans?”
He blinked at her and knitted his brow, “I have class in the morning.” What did she want from him? Why did she care? What could she gain from talking to him?
Her mouth dropped open, “On Saturday?” She tilted her head and eyed his stack of books, “You were authorized for academic overload, weren’t you?”
He nodded.
She rolled her eyes, “Well, then I really do have to get you out of here. When is your class over?”
Four months and three weeks counting that first day, marked the day they made plans for their first Saturday in Blanctic. It was the first visit of many. They had both just recently turned fourteen.
In a way this was bitter-sweet. Gonou had no idea, but during this time, thirty minutes later a certain green-eyed girl had lunch. She sat at that very table in the chair across from Gonou’s chair.
Ah’Nesty looked at the trembling telegraph in her hands.

A visitor.
Her heart raced as gathered her things. The hell with waiting for the storm to calm!
Gonou did something stupid to kill himself -- she just knew it. Kanan couldn’t get him to wear a helmet for nothing.
She lived on the road. Everything she owned was in this room. She could stay at Blanctic as long as needed.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gojyo and Goku rubbed their heads as Sanzo put away the fan.
Hakkai held up a deck of cards, “Anyone for a game of cards?”
Goku snickered, “Sure, who gets to deal?” Goku knew they were talking about a real game of cards now, but he couldn’t resist the fun.
Hakkai shrugged, “Whoever, I don’t care.”
Goku took the cards from Hakkai, “We’ll let Gojyo deal first.”
Crimson eyebrows knitted as he took the cards, “Why do I have to deal?”
Goku glanced at Gojyo, “Because you’re the tallest.”
Gojyo rolled his eyes. What did that have do to with anything?
Sanzo would never figure out how he kept a straight face.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hakuryuu made it to the cliff. He landed in the snow and waddled toward the edge. His long serpentine neck stretched out and an he looked down the nearly sheer face. A little dragon eyebrow twitched twice as a mischievous grin formed on his snout.
One great flap and he was airborne. He turned and backed up for a good flying start. He leveled his head and neck and tucked his legs up. With his body streamlined, he flapped for all he was worth. He zoomed over the edge of that cliff and curled downward.
Hurling toward the distant ground with his wings tucked behind him, he sang out in joy. Suddenly he rocked back and unfurled his wings. He rode the updraft to the edge of the cliff and rocked forward.
Welcome to the wonderful world of dragon windsurfing.
On his speed dives, the wind whistled through his scales. His eyes would water and his teeth dried out as he grinned.
Back up at the top, he rocked forward and darted down. He unfurled one wing and spun in a tight spiral. He drafted back up. The next dive, he unfurled the other wing. The next, he “snaked” his way down.
This was one seriously happy Dragon King.
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The evening passed with card games being interrupted only by a simple dinner. Here they were four men that itched for time apart, now had that time apart and yet still found themselves meeting up nightly.
Hakuryuu had returned from his business-only, super-official parameter check and was chilled to the bone. Curled up on the rug and warmed by the fire, a white dragon softly snored as he slept.
With clandestine yawns, Sanzo and Goku headed back to their cabin. Hakkai leaned against the door. Crimson and Emerald shared a tense look. They were going to have to go to bed sometime.
Hakkai delayed by cleaning up the mess from dinner and card games. Gojyo delayed by cleaning the toy used earlier and straightening up the bed room.
Hakkai looked at the clean kitchen and dining area. Gojyo walked out of the bathroom. They stood one foot apart.
Determination resided in emerald eyes. Fear captured crimson.
Hakkai glanced over Gojyo’s shoulder at the bedroom door, “Let’s get this over with.”
Gojyo’s stomach flipped as he turned to follow Hakkai into the bedroom. Never in his adult life had he held this much trepidation walking into a bedroom. For once, he had no idea what was about to happen.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Goku slid between the sheets and joined Sanzo. “Let me get this right.”
“What?” Couldn’t the monkey just go to sleep?
“The tree always eats the kite?”
“Yes.”
Goku knitted his brow. “Why does Charlie Brown keep flying the kite?”
“Why do you keep fighting Homura?”
Goku blinked, “Because, I will win. I know it.”
“As does Charlie Brown, he hopes to beat the tree.”
Goku settled behind Sanzo and wrapped his arms around his lover’s waist. “So, he never beats the tree.”
Sanzo sighed, “Yes, he never beats the tree.”
Goku muttered as he slid his eyes closed, “I’m no Charlie Brown.”
Sanzo smirked. Wasn’t that the damn truth.
The hell with sutras. The hell with meditation. The hell with temple classes. Enlightenment and self-discovery could be found in the funny pages.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hakkai stood at the foot of the bed and pulled off his fleece shirt.
Gojyo stared at the bed.
Hakkai bent and removed his pants.
Gojyo blinked at his place of pending demise.
Brown eyelashes flicked as emerald eyes scanned a fretful harbor. Hakkai stepped up behind Gojyo and slipped his arms around his lover’s waist. He whispered, “What’s the matter, don’t you trust yourself?”
Gojyo grumbled, “This isn’t some after-school special, Hakkai. This might not work out alright in the end.”
“Then we deal with whatever is handed to us and carry on. We don’t crumble.” He slipped his hands under Gojyo’s shirt and pulled the fleece from his lover.
They’d both done a real good job of forgetting about Gojyo’s lingering bruises. Hakkai took a moment to assess his lover’s condition. He smiled as barely perceptible bruises looked like spots of a richer bronze. The marks of the word that could stop it all appeared as random scratches. If someone didn’t know what happened to Gojyo, they would never figure it out. Physically, Gojyo was fine. Emotionally, he was a wreck -- as much as he pretended, he still carried issues.
They could ignore it. They could talk about until it was ensconced in eloquent language and high hopes, but nothing could settle this issue like just doing it.
Gojyo turned in his lover’s embrace and stared into emerald eyes.
Masking with confidence emerald found freely fretful crimson. “Ensoulled.”
Gojyo nodded, “Ensoulled.” With that, he stepped from his pants. He looked over the bed as they walked to their respective sides, “You’re leaving your boxers on just incase right?”
Hakkai shook his head, “No and neither are you. If we are going to do this, then we are going to do this all the way.” He slipped off his boxers as he sat down on the bed. He slipped his legs under the sheet and pulled the warm bedding over his chest.
Gojyo watched his trembling fingers released the thin material that was the last line of protection from himself. He slipped between the sheets.
Hakkai clicked off the light.
Two men laid in bed, flat on their backs, starring into the inky night and their fingers interlaced.
Hakkai didn’t try to fight sleep, but it did take a while to set in.
Gojyo fought sleep best he could -- weariness eventually overcame him.
Hakkai stood on his thin path of fate. A suicidal utopia was on one side, a barren life-potential wasteland resided on the other. Cho Gonou was dead ahead.
The human’s hands dripped with blood, his eyes were glaring. “I want an audience with you.”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gojyo stood in darkness.
*tap-clap* *tap-clap* *tap-CLAP* *TAP-CLAP* *TAP-clap* *tap-clap* *tap-clap*
Gojyo turned as the sound circled him. “I’m sick of this shit!”
A woman’s cackle was heard in waves -- circling -- honing in on the prey.
Gojyo spun. It was all around him. Somewhere and somehow surrounding him from the darkness.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hakkai sighed, “Can we talk later? I have something more pressing right now.”
Gonou shook his head, “No, we need to talk and we need to talk now. You’re behavior of late has been despicable.”
Hakkai smirked, “So they tell me.” He lifted an eyebrow, “Do you expect to say a few forceful words and make me crumble?”
“No, you’re stronger than that.”
They stepped up to each other and stood face to face. “I’m glad you see that.”
Gonou sucked his teeth, “Let’s talk about what you don’t see, shall we?”
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*tap-clap* *tap-clap* *tap-CLAP* *TAP-CLAP* *TAP-clap* *tap-clap* *tap-clap*
Gojyo swung at the darkness. His fist traveled through the empty ink and he whirled.
A disembodied female voice spoke, “You don’t have the right to protest. You have

no place to complain.”
Gojyo yelled, “You didn’t win then and you won’t win now!” He gritted his teeth, “Show yourself and let’s settle this!”
That haunting circling cackle rumbled through the darkness.
“Don’t make me find you!” Gojyo’s chest heaved. This bitch was truly pissing him right the fuck off!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gonou held up his hands. Blood dripped from his elbows, “Just what in the hell do you think you are doing?”
Hakkai paled.
Gonou shoved. “It is shameful to replace her!”
Bloody hand prints remained on Hakkai’s button up shirt. It was much fresher than the other blood stains on this particular shirt. This shirt that he no longer had.
The ground shook.
“Now.” Hakkai calmly spoke, “I really do have more pressing matters.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gojyo trashed under the covers.
Emerald eyes popped open. Hakkai let out a jet of air was Gojyo flung himself on top of him.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gojyo swung wildly in to dark air. “I will find you.”
“As of this moment, I own you.” She cackled.

“YOU DON’T OWN ME!” Gojyo darted off into the darkness grabbing at air trying to find something solid.
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Gojyo was still asleep. Hakkai was in full wakefulness.
This was going to hurt like hell. He saw his lover’s hand coming right for his face.

Hakkai squeezed his eyes shut.
Gojyo’s hand slammed into the pillow beside Hakkai’s head.
Hakkai flinched at the loud flump. His hair was being pulled, but he did not resist.
Gonou sneered, “I’m not so easy to ignore! Just what do you think you are doing?”
Hakkai gritted his teeth and eyed Gonou, “I’m living.”
Gonou lifted and eyebrow, “With out her answer? Replacing her is shameful!”
Hakkai winced as Gojyo’s arm rested against his neck, “I cannot hear her! I know not her answer. I am not replacing her. That is impossible.”
Gonou lifted and eyebrow, “Think hard.”
Gojyo ripped the pillow out from under Hakkai’s head.
Gonou grabbed Hakkai by the collar, “As you sat on that floor surrounded by bodies of souls you stole. We stole. You looked at your hand. In your left hand you had a blade. Where did you get it?”
Hakkai blinked. What did this have to do with anything? Couldn’t it wait? He coughed. “Off one of the bodies.”
“What were you going to do with it?”
“Kill myself.”
“You did not, why?”
“I was interrupted.”
“Bullshit!” Gonou bellowed, “What’s the real reason?”
Hakkai yelled, “I was interrupted!”
Gonou released Hakkai’s collar and shoved the demon backwards. “You wanted to live!” A bloody finger pointed at Hakkai, “Is that when you lied to her?”
The pillow flung across the room as Gojyo continued his search for the source of that haunting cackle.

They hadn’t forgotten this. They just didn’t find it important. Gojyo was right -- he had no desire to rape her. He had no desire to rape anyone -- he wanted to kill her.

Gojyo’s arm pressed against Hakkai’s neck -- they had a real problem now.

Somewhere a butterfly flapped it’s wings.

A trumpet sounded.

The Calvary was called in.

Tenpou drew back his fist. Gonou was asking for it. He stopped and an eyebrow lifted. “Can you handle him?”
Hakkai started to speak.
Gonou interrupted, “Yeah, I can.”
Hakkai blinked.
Tenpou turned, “Then, I’ll handle the outside world. TO ARMS!” He’d been in many battles in his life. He witnessed a lot of death and destruction. He’d been the pawn of other gods and he played with a few lives of his own, but never -- never -- had he failed to defend himself. This made him sick!
Tenpou -- something number one that these two forgot.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kenren turned toward Gojyo. “You find her, Gojyo!”
Gojyo swung wildly at nothing but sound.
“You keep your eyes on the prize, man! I’ve got your back!” Kenren snickered. Damn, he was sneaky. He turned and headed for the reigns.
Kenren -- something number two that these two forgot.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gojyo went flying from the bed and landed hard on his ass on the floor.
Hakkai flipped the covers from his feet and stood on the bed, “You want a piece of me?”
Gojyo stood and nodded his head. He drew his arm back and swung.
Hakkai’s head turned as he was clocked across the chin. He shifted his jaw as he zeroed in on his target, “Is that so?”
Gojyo nodded, “Yes, that’s so.” He laughed, “How ya doin’ Marshal?”
Hakkai stepped from the bed, “Just fine, General.” He shoved the red-head back. “I gotta know, what’s it like being a half-breed?”
A cocky smile lifted on a tan face, “Best of both worlds, baby. Why don’t you just come over here and find out?”
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In Hakkai’s mind….
Gonou tilted his head, “I asked you a question. Is that when you lied to her?”
Hakkai shook his head, “I was interrupted. It wasn’t active deception.”
“What about afterwards?”
“I was interrupted again.”
“What about now?”
“I have friends to protect.”
Gonou shook his head. The demon still didn’t see it. “Your lie has nothing to do with death!”
Hakkai’s eyes went wide.
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In Gojyo’s mind…

He stood static and listened to that haunting laugh and the circling clack of her shoes. His world spun and his hair lifted from his shoulders. He yelled.
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In the real world….
Tenpou-in-short-hair wrapped his fingers around Kenren-in-long-hair’s shoulders, “Wait!” He jerked his hands off. “These aren’t our bodies. These bodies are mortal. We’d better go easy.”
The red-head nodded, “Yeah, and I don’t think we should break stuff in here.”
The brunette shook his head. “Outside!”
The darted through the living room. They were stark naked. They didn’t care -- this was Kenren and Tenpou.
Gojun lifted his head as two naked men dashed past. Freaks.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In Hakkai’s mind….
Gonou sneered, “You once told her you would do anything for her happiness. You once told her you would protect her.”
Hakkai nodded, “I tried. I did my best.”
“I know that! Would you listen to me!” Gonou sighed, “That was your lie.”
Hakkai pushed a hand to his face. Was a glimpse of consistency too much to request? Was an iota of rationality beyond the human’s capabilities? He paled. Consistency and rationality were beyond grasp. Gonou was utterly mentally unstable -- Hakkai was going to have to look under the implementation and seek the supporting meaning. “I’m listening.”
“By that oak tree, you got your answer. You got the answer before you could ask the question.”
[“Oh, Gonou, don’t tell me this. If something were to happen to me, I would want you to live and love again.” ]
Gonou continued, “You didn’t want to hear it then and you don’t want to hear it now.”
Hakkai’s mouth fell open as his brow knitted. “I don’t understand if you are telling me to love again -- that’s what I am doing.”
Gonou sucked his teeth, “I’m getting there!” He jerked his hands in the air, “I’ll admit, I was reluctant for this in the beginning. I hadn’t come to terms with my sexuality and I didn’t care to see and feel the beauty of an embrace again. I don’t want you replacing her.” He pressed his lips together, “That’s part of my fear. The dead only live in memory. Please, don’t kill her.”
Hakkai pressed his hand to his lips and gasped. He slowly removed his hand, “We aren’t replacing her. We will never forget her. I will never be completely over her death. Gojyo understands this. I will always love her. Gojyo accepts this. This is fine with him.” He sighed, “Is it so wrong to allow the remainder of our life be a bit easier to bear?”
Gonou shook his head, “No, and I accept that. I’ve accepted that for a while now. I know love. It is one of the few things I know.”
Hakkai shrugged, “Then what is this all about?”
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In Gojyo’s mind….
Sweat rolled down Gojyo’s back as he ran to what he hoped was the source of his tormenting. Laden with sweat hair, stuck to his shoulders. His unruly locks were standing at full attention. His chest heaved and fury flickered behind crimson eyes.
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In the real world ….
Two men hit the knee deep snow.
“Cold! Cold! Cold! Cold! Cold! Cold! Cold! Cold! Cold! Cold! Cold! Cold!”

“Cold! Cold! Cold! Cold! Cold! Cold! Cold! Cold! Cold! Cold! Cold! Cold! “
They hopped around trying to keep their naked toes from feeling too much cold at one time.
The red-head yelled out, “Who’s stupid idea was this?”
The brunette shoved and laughed. “Mine.”
Red hair flew backwards as a tan back became up close and personal with a tree trunk.
Clumps, huge clumps, of snow fell from branches.
Fffffrummmpppp!
Two men were covered in snow. Two naked men were covered in snow.
Tenpou/ Hakkai jumped and shook, “Cold! Cold!”
Kenren/ Gojyo bellowed as he tried to get the freezing white stuff off him, “Isn’t it great to live?” He wrung his hands.
The brunette settled himself on his feet. “Completely.” He lunged forward and pinned his lover to the tree. Lips crushed together under the brunette’s control.
Tan hands rolled back and gripped into cold bark.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In Hakkai’s mind …
Gonou looked down at his blood covered hands. The arrogant, cocky and angry tone to his voice faded. He muttered, “Is Gojyo safe with us?”
Hakkai blinked. “That’s a good question. You are asking me to predict the future.”
Gonou snapped, “No, I am demanding that you not forget the past. I implore you to not repeat the mistakes of history!”
“How can I forget?”
“Obviously you have, you let him slip from our protection twice! Have you not learned?”
Hakkai stomach flipped. He dropped to his knees.
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In Gojyo’s mind….
Tan legs quivered. Gojyo swayed on his feet. His shoulders and elbows began to ache. His explosive venting had poor form and wild swings. Air offered no resistance why was this wearing him out?
He swung again at the voice and whirled around. He tripped over his feet and fell backwards.

“Oh my, you are going to be fun.”

Between heavy breaths, “Bitch.” He pushed himself to his feet and staggered into the darkness. He had a few things to show her about ownership, individuality and fun.
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In the real world….

A light tan hand traveled up a tan thigh.
Crimson eyes fluttered back. He stretched a hand to one of his lover’s and interlaced their fingers. He pressed the back of his own hand against the bark.
Brown hair tilted and lips pink lips sought out a tan neck, “I’ve missed this.”
A red-head smiled, “So, have I.”
Tenpou/Hakkai curled a hand around the small of his lover’s back. He rocked their hips together.
Kenren/ Gojyo moaned. “Mmmmm, hey, I got a question for you.”
Emerald eyes blinked at a earlobe was captured, “What’s that?”
“What kept you?”
“I was assessing a threat.” A brown eyebrow lifted, “I nearly acted improperly. What about you, shouldn’t you have stepped in long before now?”
Pink lips smirked, “I was letting him rely upon himself. He wants to do it on his own.”
Tenpou/ Hakkai nodded.
Kenren/Gojyo spoke, “I got another question for ya.”
“What’s that?”
“What are you keeping from your host? I can tell there’s something repressed.”
The brunette froze. Emerald eyes found crimson, “Something utterly horrible.” He sighed, “Something best left forgotten.”
“Shouldn’t you give him that choice? It’s not like you to withhold information.”
A light tan face tilted, “Now, how can I give him a choice without making him remember? I withhold information and practice dissimulation as necessary. That’s in The Art of War, thank you.”
The red-head nodded, “Yeah, deception is a key tactic. Too bad you suck at it.”
The brunette smirked, “Oh whatever, I had more people fooled than I could count, including you.”
Kenren/ Gojyo laughed. He laughed long and loud, “Oh, please! That wasn’t all an act.” He held up a finger, “Nitro? Does that ring a bell?”
Tenpou/Hakkai suddenly got quiet. Alright, it wasn’t all an act, but it still worked. ”Even so, they underestimated us. We got out of there.”
Red-hair shifted as the man nodded, “Yeah, they still do.” He sucked his teeth, “But, is this war?”
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In Hakkai’s mind….
Hakkai pushed a hand to his mouth in hopes of keeping dinner inside.
Gonou knelt.
Hakkai swallowed, “He’s hurting because of my incompetence. My fallibility.”
Gonou nodded, “Yeah. What are you going to do about it?”
They were both wrong, but that’s how they saw it.
Hakkai looked up and locked is gaze with his human self, “Never let it happen again.”
Gonou sat cross legged on the floor, “We have to protect our loved ones. Don’t you see that?”
Hakkai sat down, “Yes, yes I do.”
“Another thing.” He had Hakkai’s attention. He was going take advantage of it.
Emerald eyes widened. How could there be anymore? “Yes.”
“You want to be liked, don’t you?”
Hakkai nodded, “Yeah, I always have.”
“You want him to love you, don’t you?”
Hakkai nodded, “Yeah, he does. I believe that. I don’t understand it, but I believe it.”
Gonou sighed, “How can you expect him to love you if you he doesn’t know you?”
Hakkai ran a hand through his hair, “He does know me.”
“Not all of you. You hide way too much. Am I that horrible?”
Hakkai glanced at his human self between two fingers, “Yes, yes, you are.” He pained him to say it, but Gonou was way too mentally unstable to be let out. There was no telling what could happen. Sanguinans was way too violent and Gonou was too tactfully (unintentionally for the most part) malicious and unstable to be allowed into the host. In short, accepting those two as an active part of him, would make Hakkai way too Sanzo.
Gonou sighed, “I see we still have some work to do.”
“This isn’t getting settled now.”
Gonou shook his head, “No, there’s no way. Maybe, by the time you die.”
Hakkai nodded, “I’m not so sure if a short life line is a bad thing or a good thing.”
Gonou shrugged, “Does it really matter as long as you out live him.”
Hakkai blinked, “We have to live long enough to keep him protected to his last breath.”
Gonou stood and dusted off his blood splattered pants, “If he ….” His voice trailed off, “I am trusting you with this. Betray my trust and you haven’t seen malicious. You haven’t smelled dark. You have no idea what I can do to you.”
Hakkai smirked, “You are me. I know your capabilities and I know I’m stronger -- when I want to be.” He muttered, “When I need to be.”
Gonou smiled, “Remember, you are the one that said that.” He slowly walked off to the far end of the path.
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In Gojyo’s mind…

“When this gets to be too much for you, all you have to do it say one word.”
He cried out as a phantom verbal reminder burned on his back. His brand was emblazoned upon his skin. This just pissed him right off.
Gojyo glared into the darkness. He muttered, “No.” Crimson eyes darted around, “No! No!” He jumped up and down, “NO! NO! You hear me! I said NO!”
With his arms and legs flailing and his voice screaming “NO!” over and over again, Gojyo eventually fell to the floor. He laid as a limp muttering lump.
He’d just worn himself out by venting all of his anger and frustration.
This wasn’t entirely over. There was still a matter of the third thing they forgot.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the real world….
Tenpou nodded, “Yes, this is war.”
Kenren sighed. There was no point in arguing. “Can you feel your toes?”
Tenpou knitted his brow, “No, I can’t.”
Kenren pulled himself off the tree. “Is that them coming back or the cold?”
Tenpou shrugged, “I’m not sure.” Their fingers interlaced as they started walking back to the cabin, “How’s your guy?”
Kenren chuckled, “Exactly where I needed him to be. He’s worn himself out. Out fucking cold.” He laughed, “Funny, we’re the only ones that can beat ourselves.”
“Well that answers one of my questions.”
“What’s that?”
“Are you stronger than yourself?”
Kenren shrugged, “I dunno. Sometimes I think their time of real life makes them stronger. At least stronger willed. How’s your guy?”
Tenpou shrugged and waved a finger by his temple, “Still a complete nut job. But, I think there was some healing there. Probably more than I can see right now.”
Kenren chuckled, “That’s what you get for being so complex. See me. If it’s food -- I eat it. If it’s liquor -- I drink it. If it’s flesh -- I fuck it. If I can’t do that or don’t want to do that and it is in my way -- I kill it. Simple.”
“And,” He sighed, “When one of those can’t happen we end up here.”
Kenren touched the tip of Tenpou’s nose with his index finger, “That’s what I have you for.”
Tenpou looked at the cabin door. “It’s been so long since I have been able to touch you, taste you and feel you.” He sighed, “I’m sorry to admit that I’m not willing to just give you up so easily.”
Kenren smiled, “We need to do this. We can’t take this from them.”
Tenpou sighed, “You’re right. The final step needs to be handled by them or it won’t work.”
That was the third something Hakkai and Gojyo forgot. In their blind determination to work through this, they forgot the fundamentals. When it comes down to it, kink games are not about aggression. They are about trust. When it comes down to it, the submissive has the power. They are the ones that can stop everything with one word and that one word is never “Yes.” In order for Gojyo to fully heal, he needs to be back there without being back there. He needs to be reminded he has someone that he trusts impeccably. He needs to demonstrate that trust. Hakkai needs to reiterate that he is trust worthy.
They’ve been doing it backwards since they got here. Gojyo needs to be in a position where he can stop it all with one word and he honestly doesn’t want to. Hakkai, in reality, is the dominate lover in this relationship. His inexperience has lead him to often take the submissive role -- but isn’t that where the power really is? Either way, all this “bottoming” has been driving him nuts, he’s anxious to see Gojyo writing beneath him and to take his lover to that place where time stands still.
Maybe that’s not entirely true -- they are both switchers -- they both enjoy the submissive and dominate roles. It’s anyone’s call who’s the true dominant -- there probably isn’t one.
Anyway …
Too damn bad they are both too tired to do that tonight.
Tenpou nodded, “Maybe we can talk them into letting us play every so often.”
Kenren chuckled, “Or just punch them out of the way.”
The two ancient lover’s shuffled though the living room.
Gojun settled back into his ball. That was quick; you guys are slipping.

Freezing, wet and cold limbs slid under the blankets and intertwined. They shivered against each other and loved it.
Tenpou touched Hakkai on the shoulder.
Kenren patted Gojyo on the back.

“It’s in your hands now.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Merciful Goddess looked positively smug with her drink in her hand and the microphone at her face. She cackled.
Jiroshin was confused. “You said it wouldn’t work.”
She nodded, “And it didn’t. It didn’t end tonight. That’s for tomorrow morning.”
He cringed.
She laughed, “Their tactic was all wrong; but thankfully, butterflies are not always malicious.”
He sighed. “I suppose they will get their happy ending.”
She knitted her brow, “Hakkai’s a total headcase and Gojyo’s a scared, abused, little boy in a man’s body -- define happy.”
“This isn’t over is it?”
She reached for her “On Air” switch, “Not by a long shot.” She flipped the switch. “The snow is expected to taper off tomorrow, but conditions are still horrible. Who knows if there is a butterfly waiting to kick up more flurries? You guys be careful out there. Oh, and if you happen to be making your way to Blanctic, be sure you have a four-wheel drive vehicle and you know the ways less traveled. No matter what you do, it will be a lengthy trip.”

[End of Chapter]

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**************Reviewer Feedback***************

CloeyKujaku 2005-01-06
Why does it scare me that I would SO buy that T-Shirt? (Shakes head.)

OKAY! Chapter review. Whoo, this chapter amused me so damn much. This has to be the highlight of my day, despite the fact I kept getting interrupted to do household tasks. (Shakes fist.) Regardless of my countless interruptions, I thoroughly enjoyed the chappter~! Is it just me and Zil, or is Uke!Sanzo the sexiest thing ever? I wanna whip him~. (Cough.) But Konzen made me laugh so hard. He's such a weird, but sexy character. He needs to stop hanging around his aunt. Now I don't hate him that much, it's Gonou who now pisses me off. I was shocked about the next encounter with Gojyo and Hakkai, I didn't expect him to do that at all. And Hakkai's counting made me go...woah. That is one smart dude.

And I have to say, a semi-drunken Hakkai is a site to behold.

I could imagine his expression and see the picture perfectly with the way you described his behavior. And that's what I love about your fiction~! Your usage of imagery is friggin' awesome. And the character's personality is dead on. I love youuuuu~. ;_; (Loves on.)

You keep writing, I keep reviewing! Same as always. And remember! I still will inflict serious pain on you if this is not continued! But not enough to make you incapable of writing, cause that'd be stupid. (Pets and hands a blue ribbon.) First prize in "Clojaku's Favorite Authors," don't lemme down! Kiss, kiss!

---Clojaku.

CloeyKujaku ----

I can just see it when I finally make it to a con. There’ll be about three people in “Just Say No to Nitro” Tenpou t-shirts. We’ll dig Hakuryuu from the chasm she’s fallen into (I’ve heard from her she is just fine, but incredibly busy.) I can just see us sitting around chatting sharing inside jokes, enjoying “stronger than Kool-Aid” drinks and laughing our fool heads off. Serendipity led me to meet a reader in a local store, that was so COOL! When I make it to a con, I’m gonna have a button on that simply says RAHO with my little coffee cup [c[~]~~~*sip*] symbol. Ya know, I’m gonna smirk when people look at it. Hahahahahahaha.
Ok, enough with my arrogant and grandiose fantasies.
Saiyuki fans are the best in the world!
Uke Sanzo -- oh yeah that’s hot! We need a sign-up sheet for all the people that want him tied-up beneath them. I was listening to the commentary on the ADV Requiem disk, the EVA for Sanzo said (paraphrase) he enjoyed playing Sanzo because (quote) “He’s a dick.” I thought Dude! You so don’t know your character. Sanzo’s not a dick -- we all know that. I’m surprised Greg Ayers being the fanboy that he is didn’t set him straight. Sanzo’s got that soft core and he’s just so dang scared of being hurt. He can be a prick, yes, but he can also be a nice guy. Well, nice in a Sanzo way. That’s what makes me most nervous about my Sanzo -- I think he gets too soft, but it a way I think alone with Goku he would be a bit softer. Sigh, you guys like it so that’s all that matters.
Isn’t that the case with a lot of anime? The fans know the characters WAY better than the actors. They’d do well to gather a few fans at some point and just have a rap-session about the characters.
Of my soap box now --
Gonou pisses ya off now, huh? Hopefully, chapter 15 clarified a few things. I love writing completely mentally screwed characters -- their motivations don’t always jive with their actions. There’s a deeply hidden undercurrent that can just whisk them away. LOVE IT!
Semi- drunk Hakkai ----- Heh, heh, heh, wait for it. LOL!
I tend to be very visual myself. I need to see things to make sense of them. I figure some of my readers are the same way. I like to occasionally “take a wide shot” and get you into the scene. I see my role, not so much as a writer, but as a reporter that’s watching all of this unfold. I want to make sure you can be there with me. There are times I think I bog down the story will unnecessary description, I’m glad you like it. *big grin*.
A blue ribbon? TOO COOL! *tapes it to monitor*. And now under penalty of pain, the keyboard clacks into the night.
I hope I never let you down. Thank you so very much for all your support.
Cupnjava c[~]~~~*sip*
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Shadowfox_13 2005-01-08
Hey CJ! I'm sorry I didn't get in earlier to review. I'm here now. :D Anyway, I just wanted to say how interesting and involved this chapter has been and what a pleasure it's been to read it. It was quite fascinating to see the developments that took place, not just between Hakkai and Gojyo but also Goku and Sanzo. That and the growth and perceptiveness that Goku himself shows. It was a tad bit disturbing to watch the self destructive turn Hakkai's need to help Gojyo took but also interesting in that it gives us an inside peek into what the couple will have to deal with, aside from Gojyo's current dilemma. And I'm am very curious to find out what will happen next. I do hope that they do find a way to work through it. *LOL* The first time I read it, my thought was a bit harsher btw. I'd felt Gojyo should smack Hakkai for being such a welcome mat or tattoo welcome on his forehead :P But with each re-reading, I found myself seeing also Hakkai's (albeit kind of twisted) side. In his mind, Gojyo's wellbeing and happiness is his. It seems he has transfrred his internal need to 'give love' to Gojyo without balancing it. Hehe, then again, it also doesn't help that Tenpou is keeping such a tight hold on those 'papers.' I'm thinking it might help him to balance if he could fully remember but then, I am seeing the story through the lenses of the author, and it is merely my own side thought to it. As usual, you have out and out done yourself as a writer and I am in awe. I hope to read more. Keep it up. ^.^V

Shadowfox_13---- You couldn’t get any sweeter if I dumped sugar on you.
Goku’s perceptiveness -- we get the occasional glimpse of that insight in the anime. Most of the time, he’s the sponge that is trying to learn and experience everything at once; however, every so often we get a diamond in the rough. I think Goku is much brighter than what most people credit him -- he’s just inexperienced, naïve, and ignorant of many things. I probably give him too much insight, but “Goku Logic” is so much fun to manipulate. This is in stark contrast to Hakkai logic. Goku breaks it down. Hakkai builds it up. Both can take it to the point of absurdity.
Hakkai’s need to love -- Yes, he has a great need to give love. He was a thirsty desert before Kanan (and Ah’Nesty in this fic, Kanan only in cannon) and I think he’s making up for lost time. I also think he has a real hard time expressing emotions -- so he does it through actions. Tending after people even to the point of self-sacrifice is how he shows that he loves people. Hakkai balance? No way! I don’t think he even knows the word. LOL. He has to have some level of balance because he is a chi user -- but that doesn’t mean it is “love balance”. It could be argued that being in a homosexual relationship would mess with his chi manipulation. I’ve heard this argument and I’m just not going to go there, because we wouldn’t have 5/8 yaoi. Gotta have the yaoi. Great now I’m seeing another t-shirt. The pic of their kissing silhouette with pretty white writing “Got Yaoi?” . I should have gone into marketing.

Tenpou and papers --- I’m mixed on that. I do and I don’t want those papers released. I’m scared of what will happen to Hakkai if those memories are released. I suspect he is stronger than I credit him. I don’t know -- some things just might be best to leave uncovered.
Thank you again for all your beta work and putting up with “We’ll just have to wait to till the next chapter.” You are too sweet and so bright and insightful. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
C-ya on Yahoo,
Cupnjava c[~]~~~*sip*
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Flamingolo 2005-01-10

*lol* Silly girl, apologizing for the chappy being too long...don't you know that's a pleasure for your readers? Great chapter, a very smooth and easy read. The character that stuck out the most to me was probably Goku; you did a smashing job with him. Throughout the anime, he always displays that kind of hidden wisdom/maturity that only reveals itself in a desperate situation, and you did a fantastic job bringing that to the surface without letting it override the dominent aspects of his personality. The Hakkai and Gojyo sex was really well done in this chapter. I always love how inventive your lemons are, as well as how underlying psychology comes into play, clarifying couple dynamics bit by bit. The calculus added a lot, it was so easy for me to picture Hakkai going through these internal calculations and getting a 'system error' message *lol*.

Okay, my chappy favorites: For some reason, the phrase 'crystaline water' really struck me...I can't really explain it, but the boundless symbolism in that one little phrase made me pause and re-read. "A scarred cheek rested against a scarred abdomen" also just struck me as being a very sweet and more subtley symbolic description. And, finally, two words: Kappa rolls. RFLMAO. The imagery of Hakkai trying to hold in a snicker every time someone took a bite...gods *wipes tears from face*. Anyway, I know there were many, many more components that struck me as brilliant, but these stuck in my mind the most. I love how every chapter you write manages to be a bit different; for instance, I'd have to say that this chapter screamed sensuality and subtlety, whereas an earlier chapter like the Gaiden 'stamp/flip' chapter had a wonderfully strong rhythm. I adore how you keep us on our toes! Wonderful chapter, do I even have to mention that I'm looking forward to more?

Flamingolo --- You’re abstract thinking amazes me. You pick up and key in on the stuff I really want people to see and some that I put in the background to just support the fic. I can’t get anything past you. Were you like me as a kid and watched the puppeteer more than the puppet?
Long chapters aren’t a problem -- I’m taking your word for it. *grin* No one has complained, but whew. It is hard keep this pace.
Goku has a way with Sanzo. I’m sure if pisses Sanzo off, but Goku can just bring things home to him and break down those walls. I figured he would have to be the one to shut up Konzen. Of course, Konzen isn’t quite done -- snicker.
System error -- you saw that too? LOL I saw it on a black screen with green writing. Or am I dating myself for remember that set up of eye torture?
A scarred cheek -- I’m am SO GLAD you keyed in on that. That sentence to me is everything. That sentence brings in all of my metaphors and all of these chapters. If I had to summarize RAHO, that would be what I would use. It all comes down to that -- finding healing in each other. I’d been waiting for the right opportunity to get that in the fic.
Since you pick up on such things, I hope you noticed chapter 15 was, overall, unbalanced. I did that on purpose to act as the scaffolding for Gonou’s tilted perceptions. The bits with Goku and Sanzo, I hope read smoothly and show an underlying tone of convergence. The Gojyo and Hakkai bits are suppose to be shifting but still at times smooth. The overall pace of the chapter is fairly slow at first and then whips into a bit of a frenzy -- that’s to support the whirl-wind of jumbling motivations and emotions of Gonou who kinda dominates this chapter from the wings. Yet, inside the whirl-wind there is calm -- calm in the insanity and frenzy in the sane -- hmmm interesting. Just me finding symbolism in my work that I didn’t realize was there. Shrug.
Lemons -- let’s face it sex with a guy (even two guys) is basically in-out, in-out, spit. That’s not fun to write nor read. So far, to the best of my recollection, I have not repeated a lemon. This is getting more and more difficult (when factoring in the other fics I‘m working). I had to push the envelope a little bit and get a toy involved. I totally see Gojyo with a cedar chest full of toys. Too bad this isn’t back east. At some point, I’m going to have to repeat a lemon -- hopefully that won’t be too much of a disappointment. I’m going to do my best to avoid it.
There will be more -- no worries. This isn’t over yet.
Thank you for all of your feedback, support and insight. It means so very much.
Cupnjava c[~]~~~*sip*

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Addictedtomarbles 2005-01-14

Hey my dear,

What can I say? I loved it. The things between Gojyo and Hakkai were deliciously kinky (gave me some ideas most cerainly) and I can't wait for more of it, even the end bit where we see Hakkai's justifications for everything which included allowing Gojyo to rape him (he didn't, I can safely say I breathed a sigh of relief) - poor Hakkai, everything has to have the reason and justification in his world. However I felt that the gem of this was the love-making between Goku and Sanzo, hidden within the kinkiness. It was tender and warming and reminded us that there are many ways to have sex (fuck, make love, sex) and it compared really well. Hakkai slipping too, is this another fracture mending? We don't hear from little Gonou much anymore because as I recall him and Hakkai became one earlier on. I liked the fact to that you establish that Sanguinans isn't the bad one; he isn't bad he is the final resort and his intentions are usually good, but he only knows how to do this one way. It was a lovely time-out and I can't wait for the next installment because Hakkai infringed on the rules, another person is arriving and I want to read more of the lovely writing. Sorry I didn't reply sooner I've had a rough week. Keep writing honey xxx

Addictedtomarbles ---

I’m glad you picked up on vanilla in the rocky road. Sexuality can be expressed in a multitude of ways, one way is not better or worse than the other (as long as consenting adults are involved). I wanted to show that vanilla can be just as powerful and sensual as all of the others. Chapter 14 and chapter 15 has made me wonder which couple really has the stronger relationship.
Plastic wrap -- tee-hee. I’ve not read a Saiyuki fic that uses plastic wrap and I thought -- well, now that’s a shame. We need to do that. Giggle.
I don’t expect Hakkai’s fracture with Gonou to merge/heal. I’m afraid of what kind of Hakkai we’ll get with that. Hakkai is mentally unstable enough, I don’t think we need Gonou tilting it even more. I won’t rule it out though.
Little Gonou has merged with Hakkai -- that facture is healing. If those papers that Tenpou has get released -- I don’t know if that will stay that way. I’m not an expert on MPD, but I understand that fractures are a self-defense mechanism. They are created by the subconscious as a means to escape a horrible reality -- the “happy place” we all have --- taken to an extreme. I suspect that if the details of those papers get to Hakkai then Little Gonou will need to hide. However, Hakkai can surprise us with his strength. I won’t really know unless it gets written.
Hakkai broke a rule -- yes the boxers thing. Gojyo hasn’t forgotten about that -- no worries. There were just other matters to be addressed in this chapter. He wants Hakkai to think he’s forgotten about that and it will come up again later. Snicker.
You nailed Sanguinans -- he’s just trying to get his family home safe and sound. That’s all. He wants to save his loved ones. Period. He just has only one way to work it. The negative wave -- the youkai madness --- feeds into his furry and makes him so difficult to control. That’s what warps his reality. Once the wave disperses, if that ever happens, Hakkai could easily and safely absorb that fracture. I’m not so sure he wants to.
I’m working on a 5/8 (two technically, but one of them is just practice writing with a friend -- who knows it might get posted if you guys don‘t mind a theme getting repeated and a few disorders being dealt with in two different fics.) before the negative wave fic, and I get to do some interesting things with that. Well, interesting to me. I’ll put more work in to that one ( “If Only” ) once RAHO wraps up. Who knows when that will be, snicker.
Another person arriving, yeah Ah’Nesty is finally on her way. She is going to be fun.
I’m sorry you had a rough week. In your e-mail you told me a bit about it. I hope that has calmed some. Take a break, dear, you deserve it.
Thank you for all of your support and all of the non-fic talks. I consider you a real good friend.
Cupnjava c[~]~~~*sip*
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Lazy Snake 2005-01-20
Oh my God, you can write a thesis on Saiyuki!!

You even do the research on the shoe size for Goddess sake.

And you actually find out which page that the vcds and videos are to prove there is actually civilization....

I have been an avid follower who only opens the Saiyuki link for RAHO...

I especially like the Pavlov reaction of Hakkai to those four little words...

This is my first time reviewing cause I usually cannot resist reading first the new chapter than after that I am such a pile of mush and tingling all over my brain isn't even coherent...

Goddess, you are the best Saiyuki Author out there I tell you... And you updaate so regularly...I love you *Hugs*

Oh yeah, I like how you portray Gojun and Hakuryu...his son eats PlayDoh...hehehe

Gambatte...^o^/ write on.

Lazy Snake ----- A new voice! Woohoo!
Thesis? Thesis! *runs screaming into the night* I had ENOUGH of those, let me tell you. Sheesh. What you are seeing are the results of having a research and writing intensive degree. Sigh. You think speculating on the shoe size was a sign of mental issues you should see what I am going through trying to figure out how long Kanan was captured. I was trying to figure out if the baby could have been Hakkai’s. (I suspect it could have been.)
My extrapolated speculation has been wrong in the past. Typically, I’m working with too few knowns to put much faith into my conclusions. But, I want to let the reader know 1) This isn’t cannon -- I don’t know for sure and 2) it’s not a complete guess.
I’ve included some of my thoughts on the time Kanan was captured at the bottom of the review feedback.
A pile of tingling mush -- snicker. That’s a compliment. Tingles -- I love causing tingles! The best? Wow! *BLUSH* You guys keep saying things like that and I just don’t see it. Thank you so much for the kind words. I’m just a chick with a keyboard, that’s all.
Updating, I try to update every two weeks, I have needed to take that to three. I try to update Thursday night or Friday morning. That’s not always been the case, but that is my goal.
Gojun’s son. I figure if Prince William can flush shoes at three, then the Prince of a Dragon Clan can eat PlayDoh. Snicker. Needless to say 500 years later, he’s kicked they PlayDoh habit. LOL!
Also, I encourage you to check out some of the other fics on this board. There are some extremely talented writers here. Some of these fics are absolutely wonderful. If I can figure out how, I’ll be making a recommended reading list in my profile. But, please do click around and check out some of the others -- you may be surprised at the wonderful talent here.
Write on? I shall! *grin*
Thank you so much for reviewing. I really appreciate hearing your thoughts.
Cupnjava c[~]~~~*sip*
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Beysie beysie@telusplanet.net 2005-01-22
Damn, that was one hell of a story! Even better, it looks like it's not done yet? (Yes, a question, not a statement... you never know with half the authors out there these days) I started reading this story around 12 hours ago... I think it's safe for me to say that I'm hooked! I hope you plan on updating this soon... this is just too good to leave alone you know! This is so deep... how you have all the characters developing, and still managing to keep them in character according to all that I've watched in the anime, which is all but the last series... Gun something or other. I only just recently learned of it's existence and now have to hunt!

Considering I've managed to read all 14 chapters in relatively one sitting, it's really too much for me to comment on in detail... I have to say that you have an excellent writing form! You have excellent attention to detail, and to me that's important. I've already directed a few of my friends to this story, and at that time I'd only read the first 4 chapters... You manage to wring all the various emotions out of me with this! Now I'm going to have to create an accout with affnet... have with mmorg, but not here, and I do need a way to keep up with this story! Please update soon... Ja matte!

Beysie --- Another new voice! It must be my lucky day! You read this all at once? This thing is close to the 500 page mark. Wow! That amazes me. How many pages do we hit before we leave fanfic and go into novel? LOL!
Yes, this is not done yet. I use to speculate on how many more chapters we have. I stopped doing that, some things take a lot longer to get through than I anticipate and others are substantially quicker. Either way we have “a few” more chapters to go.
Updating soon -- yes -- as you wrote this review, I was waiting to hear back from one of my betas, she’s had a rough week and I got the completed chapter to her WAY too late. Totally my fault. Nothing aggravates me more than when you get into a fic and the author never finishes it. There is one on this board, that I swear I am going to find that author and pin them to the ground until they agree for me to finish it or they agree to finish it. It is SO good! Arrgghh.
I believe I have a commitment to my readers. I will live up to that commitment.
I’ve now seen Reload also, and I’m trying real hard to not let my Reload info slip into the fic. There have been times where it has been unavoidable and a few times where it snuck past me without realizing it. I don’t want to use a whole lot of Reload stuff, because not everyone has seen it. I don’t want to spoil things. I’ve not seen Gunlock, but I know many of my readers have. Two of my betas have.
I’m glad you like my style. I was blasted by a few teachers for my style. Shrug. I’m glad my readers like it. I’m out of school so my readers are the only important people now.
I noticed your review for the one shot. I’m glad you saw it -- even if it was afterward. I bet that made the gap between those two chapters make more sense. LOL. You asked some questions about other fics -- I’ll send you an e-mail when I can.
Attention to detail is important to me, too. Yes, some things need to be left to the readers imagination and some things words just fail adequate description, but I want to make you feel like you are there. I’ve been chastised in the past for including too many details and being too lengthy -- I think you can tell in my writing where I dwelled on that. I hope I have gotten past that; I like the details. If another author, who will remain nameless, thinks it is stupid for me to keep in mind that there are three drips on the white candle stick resting in the brass candle holder, that is sitting on the lower left hand corner of the honey stained oak desk, that is directly below the window -- then so be it. I feel I need to have that in my mind even if it doesn’t get typed.
(BTW -- the desk as three drawers on the right hand side and the handles are slightly tarnished brass. The view outside the window is… yeah I could go on. When I ask the ambient temperature in the room during group writing exercises-- I get odd responses.)
If you want to register with AFF by all means do so. You don’t need to register to read or review, just to post fics. Thank you for telling your friends about this fic. I hope they enjoy it as much as you have.
Thank you for taking time, after reading so much. to review. It really means a lot to me to hear from all the people on this trip.
Cupnjava c[~]~~~*sip*

To all :

Thank you all for chiming in. I always like to hear new and old voices. People had been kinda quiet this chapter, I was afraid I lost a few readers. I got real nervous. I was talking to my friends “I don’t think people like this chapter. Oh, no --- I’ve let them down.” You’ve set me straight -- well with yaoi can we ever say that with out a snicker? Either way, you calmed my fears, I’m glad you all are still in the jeep with me.
Till next time!
Cupnjava c[~]~~~*sip*

Ok, the how long Kanan was captured thing. The first thing I started with was:

MATH IS NOT MY STRONG SUIT THIS COULD BE TOTALLY WRONG.

(and probably is)
Given: there is a 24-36 hour period on average in a given month that a normal healthy woman of child-bearing age can get pregnant. This time period happens somewhere around the 14 day mark of the 28 day menstrual cycle. This works with the rhythm-method of birth control. LOL Practitioners of that method are often call parents -- maybe you’ve heard of a few.
Another given: the average human’s hair grows at one centimeter a month. Sometimes around month 5.
Another given: The quickening happens during the second trimester.
Another given: Most women do not suspect pregnancy until they miss the menses part of their cycle.
Given: The first menses part of the cycle while pregnant often comes with spotting or maybe even comes across as just a light period. Thus the “first” missed period is often the second one while pregnant.
Given: A woman’s menstrual cycle is severely disrupted during times of stress.
Given: Hakkai is educated -- who really knows where or how.
Given: The capacity for intelligence is regarded as biological in some circles.
Given: Hakkai and Kanan are twins -- she is a few minutes older. Thus, they have the same capacity for intelligence. (This is a matter of debate. It was mentioned in one of the novels. I do not if this is cannon. We do know they are siblings and she is older. They look an awful lot a like to be just siblings. I’ve known plenty of Dizygotic

twins that have many physical appearance differences -- height and gender just being one of them. Either way, twins or not, they would share the same capacity for intelligence -- is should not be confused with ability it is capacity. )
Given: They were raised in separate orphanages. Speculation: it’s not a stretch to assume Kanan has been educated similarly as Hakkai.
Given: The form of birth control allowed by the Catholic church is the rhythm- method.
Speculation: Kanan was more into Catholicism than Hakkai. (She nearly always wears a cross -- he admits to not having faith.)
Speculation: If Kanan was raised in a Catholic orphanage as Hakkai was, she would have been taught the rhythm-method when she became of marrying age.
Given: When Hakkai (Gonou) came home that day, his bangs were at the corner of his eye.
Given: When Hakkai (Gonou) was at her cell, his bangs hit his cheek bone.
Given: Most women do not show during the first trimester. They do tend to show a bit during the second trimester. They may show during the first if they are small framed as Kanan is …umm… was.
Given: Generally speaking, Goku is drawn so that the top of his head hits Hakkai’s chin. (Once you compensate for the hair). Tokyo Pop manga two page 16 is a nice solid shot of all of them.
Given: Kanan hits Hakkai at about the halfway point between his height and where Goku hits him. (Using Manga 5 the pic on the table of contents page.) Manga six page 44 shows her much shorter, but she is hunched over. The contents page picture is clearer.
Given: Hakkai is 5’11. Goku is 5’4”. There are seven inches between them (The Kappa could put that that sentence places it shouldn’t be.) One half of 7 is 3.5 add that to Goku’s 5’4” and thus Kanan is 5’ 7 ½”. That translates to Hakkai being 181 cm tall mentioned in cannon (the 5‘11 is rounded). That would make Kanan 164.45 cm tall. For a difference of 16.55 cm.
This is where it gets REAL speculative. Using that 16.55 as the spatial scale (of sorts) we get out our ruler and go back to the table of contents pic. Visualize their heads straightened out. Taking the ruler halfway into those brown locks to compensate for the crown of the head and measuring to his chin. Hakkai’s face is 6 cm long. Half of that, which is where Kanan would hit him, is 3 cm. Thus that 3 cm (if they were drawn life-size) would be that 16.55. That comes out to a 1 to 5.5 ratio (roughly) meaning 1 cm drawn is equal to 5.5 cm life size.
(My face is 25 cm long from straight out at the top of my crown to my chin. This is the first “Houston we have a problem” clue. This is going to be wrong, I just know it. )
Given: Looking at manga 4 page 42 (hey, the meaning of life -- fitting). Make note of where Hakkai’s bangs hit him. The corner of his eye -- use the short side it is more clear and consistent.
Given: Looking at manga 4 page 74 we see his bangs just below his cheek bone.

Going back to that table of contents page where we have established the spatial scale: (ignore where his bangs hit him -- we don’t know when in the time frame that shot is suppose to occur). We measure from the corner of his eye to just below the cheekbone. That gives us drawn 1 cm. Using our scale ratio that is in reality 5.5 cm.
Going back to a previous given -- that human hair grows at about 1 cm a month, that would mean Kanan was imprisoned for 5 ½ months. This is where I stop. All of the other gathered givens are no longer needed. Because I must have made an egregious error. I have to be wrong. There is NO WAY logically it could have been that long.
Here’s why -- Hakkai would not have been taken care of himself all that well during that time. I can’t see this explosive furry taking time out to eat. Unlike Gojyo when Gonou leaves and when Hakkai comes back at that apple stand -- the red-head is WAY TOO thin you can tell he’s barely been eating. Gojyo lost muscle mass during that time.
As a side note: I think their relationship started before Sanzo showed up -- please note the open condom wrapper on page 58 in manga 5 -- now WHY would Gojyo have an OPEN and EMPTY condom wrapper? Ya know he’d didn’t bring a chick home -- later everyone wonders where he’s been. We can also tell the place has been cleaned up, by either Hakkai or Gojyo so if it were left over from before all of this, it would have been thrown out. Mix this when Gojyo’s state of undress and well -- you have a 5/8 fangirl that is reading WAY too much into symbolism. Relationship might be too strong of a word as a gal-pal of mine put it “thank you sex”.
Back to our logic games: Hakkai (Gonou) has not lost that much body mass between home and the cell. Five and a half months is way too long. There is an error somewhere.
This is an example of inadequate math skills and not enough “known goods”. There’s an error here somewhere I just can’t see it. I worked this as I was typing it and that is the longest time span I have ever reached. I have reached 1.5 months and 3.5 months before 3.5 still seems a bit long and 1.5 just doesn’t “feel” right. Not when he says he’s sought death for “so long” -- I dunno maybe 1.5 months could be “so long.” He would have to eat, but that could be done with whatever could be found -- people starve to death in 14 days (about) and dehydrate to death in like 3 or 4 days. We also know that the final night was done in ONE night. All of those demons killed in ONE night -- I would imagine that 1.5 just might be too long while somehow feeling not long enough. Another tactic, the distance between the corner of my eye and just under my cheek bone --I mean JUST under -- is 3 cm. Which would mean 3 months and that still seems too long.
All of this shows that someone TRULY needs to STOP me. Sigh. I’m so far gone it is pathetic. So after all of this we end up with :
We know she was there long enough to think/ know she was pregnant. I doubt they gave her the “clear blue easy home pregnancy test”. We also know she was convinced it was NOT Gonou’s child. We also know that she wasn’t gone long enough for Gonou to lose body mass. This leaves us with the conclusion that she was gone for a bit but not too long. Sigh.
If someone out there knows for sure how long she was captured, please let me know. Sigh.

Ok guys, I just found it and didn’t want to wait for the next chapter. Manga five page FREAKING ONE!!

The answer is two months and a few days.

I am such an idiot. I’ve been racking my brain with these logic lines and the answer was there in plan sight -- in black and white. Can I get anymore STUPID?

Arrrggghhh!!!
- 14
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- 16
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