Darkness Within your Light

I’M SO FREAKING SORRY!! I KNOW THIS IS REALLY, REALLY LATE!! IT’S BECAUSE…I HAVE A REALLY BAD CASE OF WRITER’S BLOCK!! OMFK! SORRY!

Updates will take much longer then before. Instead of the updates being once every week it will most likely be an update once a month. FORGIVE ME!!

Also…I’ve been watching Bleach lately, I’ve gotten through 195 episodes in only a week…and my eyes burn!! I’m also really into Detective Conan/Cased Closed! I’m watching the show on the internet and there are already over 500 episodes made right now!! Also am watching all of the 12 Detective Conan movies that are on the internet, you know because America is so slow. DX

I’m way to in watching anime right now, instead of writing fanfiction, I would like to apologize for that, it’s all you readers who are the ones that suffer for that…sorry!

I’m thinking of writing some fanfiction for those two shows too…hmmm…

Anyway thank you all who have reviewed! I love you all to pieces!!!:

Stitchs,: heh before my writer's block I was thinking about doing a chapter in L's point of view on the whole shooting scene...but then stuff happened in real life and I kinda stopped thinking about it...then before I knew it almost a month has passed by and I hadn't updated! I'm soooo sorry!!! DX I didn't die, I just have writer's block on this story and my life's been a bit busy latly! thank you soo much for reviewing though! XD

Gryphonwills,: Thank you!

Elle,: heh thanks for the e-mail, in fact all my readers should be praising you because I only decided to update because of you! heh this chapter's been sitting in my computer half-done because I didn't like it and couldn't think of how to fix it...still can't to be honest, but I tried...DX I know it's not the best of my abilites could come up with but I'm trying real hard to get my muse back on track with this story. thank you for keeping with me even through my dry spell at the moment! love you to pieces much! XD heh

Draug,: yea I love Zaki we don't see him much(or at all) in this chapter but I'm sure he'll be back in the next one! Sorry for the late update. Enjoy.

Mustang89,: yea that was kind of beautiful wasn't it? sigh...that stuff is always wonderful and it only happens when my muse is coroperating with me...and she isn't right now...damn writer's block. anywho thanks for the review!

Jennifer,: heh just when I get such a wonderful reviewer such as yourself my muse goes on strike again. sigh that's just my luck, sorry for the really late update I hope you continue to enjoy my work.

Linkala,: ok now I feel really really bad for not updateing sooner, I hope your no longer feeling so down, it would make me feel twice as horrible as I do right now, and believe me that would be really bad. oh and yes Raito's dad is a nut, but so is the entire Yagami family, heh if his son is a mass murderer with a god complex who is on his way to redemption and has a homosexual relationship with the man who is suppose to capture him then why not have Soichiro approve of thire relationship but doens't want them to have sex before the wedding night? heeh XD

Sarian,: ok let's see....it's been amost 2 weeks since your review...sorry, the least I can promise all of you readers will be that I will not abondon this story until it's done! thank you for reading and reviewing.

Aurora Moon,: Four words is all it takes to sum up how I feel....I LOVE YOUR DREAMS!! XDDDD hehe wow do you want to know something interesting and scary at the same time? Well when I first thought up this story for the first time I had a similar idea to your dream on what the plot would be like, not entirly like your dream but very very similar...how freaky is that?! 0_o heh

If anyone has any questions you are all free to e-mail me at anytime! Please do if you have any questions, I will be happy to answer them to the best of my ability, I don’t like my readers to be confused and frustrated if they can’t understand something.

Starts up right after the last chapter! There is Lime in the beginning of this chapter, you have been warned! Enjoy!

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Raito never really got the chance to process what L had just confessed to him. He was to busy trying not to come in his pants instead from the sudden sensual attack.

Raito moaned as L’s wet tongue started to caress his lips, asking to be let in, no more like demanding. Raito didn’t even have to think about it, he just parted his lips ever so slightly, but that seemed to be enough for Ryuzaki.

L pressed his tongue into Raito’s mouth, swiftly overpowering Raito and leaving him an aroused puddle of mush.

Raito’s mind went blissfully blank; all he could feel was the pleasure that was thundering through his body. L began to suck and nip on Raito’s tongue, twisting his own wet appendage with Raito’s and guiding it back into L’s own mouth.

Raito whose mind was still a puddle of mush was vaguely aware of L’s arms wrapping around him and pulling him deeper into L’s embrace. Raito didn’t mind though, in fact he noticed that his own hands had clenched tightly in L’s shirt some time ago, as if he was afraid that L would vanish if he didn’t hold onto him.

Soon L got Raito’s tongue inside his own mouth and started to show Raito what he liked. Raito shyly started his own exploration of L’s mouth. Raito let his own tongue sweep L’s mouth, mapping out the moist cavern. Raito could feel both his and L’s saliva mix and dribble out the side of his mouth, causing it to stream down his chin.

For some reason his usual OCD didn’t find this disgusting at all, in fact it aroused him even more to feel their mixed saliva dripping down his face and wetting the collar of his shirt.

The need for air won out though a few minutes later, Raito tore his lips from L’s regretfully and gulped for air. L quickly leaned forward and licked up the trail of saliva that had dripped down Raito’s chin and neck, after he had licked it all up causing Raito to shiver in arousal, he then started to nibble down Raito’s neck, pressing kisses and licks to some of Raito’s more sensitive spots on his neck that Raito hadn’t even know existed until now, whenever he pressed down on one of these spots with his lips and tongue it caused Raito to lightly whimper at the spikes of pleasure that coursed through him.

‘Where-? Where did he learn to do all this?’

But just as that thought wandered into his blissfully hazed mind L decided he was done being gentle and started to suck hard on Raito’s neck. In the exact spot as he had already marked the night before, the hicky had faded some in the few hours but it was still faintly red and bruised from its treatment before, so it was still hypersensitive to any type of touch.

Raito yelped in surprise and then moaned in pleasurable pain.

“Ahhh! L please!”

Raito didn’t know what he was asking for but all he knew was that he wanted more.

L hummed a bit in respond to Raito’s pled; his mouth was to busy sucking and biting Raito’s neck to say anything.
Raito started to pant for air as his body temperature started to go up, he knew he was forgetting something important but he didn’t care. This was far too pleasurable.

Raito hazily decided that he also need to participant, after all he’s couldn’t let L do all the work now could he?

He dipped his head and ran his tongue along the shell of L’s ear, causing L to let out a low moan in respond.

Raito let out his own muffled chuckle and started to let his hands wander and stroke L’s clothed form as his mouth was currently occupied molesting L’s ear.

Raito could dimly feel L’s arms remove themselves from where they had been holding him around his neck, but before he could even think about protesting he felt L’s cold hands suddenly slide underneath his shirt, sliding and fondling along his skin causing Raito’s skin to break out in goose-bumps.

Raito murmured in L’s ear. “Cold L, your hands are like ice.”

“Sorry Raito-kun, you’ll just have to help me warm them up.”

Raito felt a shiver run up and down his back and it had nothing to do with being cold. Sadly though with the sudden shock of L’s cold hands Raito’s mind was starting to clear up some. He knew that they need to stop, that this was neither the time nor the place for such a thing.

“L…as much as I would love to continue, we need to talk…”

Raito felt L sigh into his neck, causing Raito to bit back a smile at the sexual frustration he could feel L radiating.

“Do we really have to Raito-kun? Can’t we…”

Raito could hear the pout in L’s voice, this time Raito couldn’t stop the silly smile from overtaking his face.

As much as Raito really did want to continue what they were doing he knew that they must stop. They need to talk first, truths needed to be spoken before anything could happen between them and also…

‘L’s just way to cute sometimes…but as much as I want to continue…I need…’

“I need to know L, I need to know if you…if you can accept me first…I can’t-Ryuzaki…Lawliet…I need to know if you could truly love me…for me…all of me.”

Raito heard L sigh against his neck once more then he felt him pull away slightly. Raito felt the loss and shivered a bit in respond of the sudden chill as L walked a few feet away from him. But Raito understood, if L and he were even vaguely close to each other they would have been tearing each others cloths off right now. The heat of the moment may have been broken but it was still too soon for them to be comfortable being close to each other if they didn’t want to get all hot and bothered again.

“Ok Raito-kun, I understand…but maybe later we could finish this?”

Raito chuckled as L tried to give him puppy dog eyes. Cute but…Raito knew L too much.

“L stop the fake chibi look, and about finishing…we’ll see now won’t we? Also…you were awake weren’t you? The night before when I…”

Raito was to embarrassed to continue, he had confessed to L because he had thought he wouldn’t have been able to hear him in the first place, to find out that he had been awake…well let’s just say that the blush that Raito now sported on his face couldn’t get a deeper shade of red then it already was. Raito couldn’t really process it in his head that L Lawliet had confessed his love back. It felt too much like a dream and Raito could only believe it when L heard the whole story…and said he loved him after…then and only then would Raito believe him.

Raito couldn’t help but feel a bit cynical about L loving him. His mind kept saying that it was only a ill-timed lust that L felt for him…even though his heart was begging for it to be true and not some cruel lie that fate had made up for him to suffer more then he currently was.

Raito shook these thoughts from his head, now wasn’t the time for such sulking, he had to much to deal with already then contemplate his love life or more specifically his complicated lack of one. He looked over at L and had to snuff a chuckle.

L was still pouting childishly but he nodded his head once he saw Raito look at him. He seemed to understand what Raito meant, it was at these times that Raito couldn’t help but love and hate at the same time. When L could read him to the point where his thoughts and feelings felt like an open book to the detective.

L seemed to have cooled down enough from the unexpected yet not so surprising make-out session. Raito could see in his eyes that his calculating mind was beginning to sharpen as his body tamed itself again.

“Ok Raito-kun I understand, and yes I was awake, well kind of anyway, I had long ago perfected a sort of half-sleep that helps me rest my body and my mind while also keeping me aware of my surroundings. It’s only rarely when I’m really tired do I truly sleep like everyone else. But I don’t dream…at least I normally don’t…anyway…to get back to our current problem...”

“…I had asked Watari to disable the cameras in this room earlier but I don’t know long Watari will be able to hold off the team’s curiosity and fear for your safety. I believe they will try to overpower him and turn the cameras back on. I know this but I don’t fear for Watari, I told him earlier that he would not fight back if that were to happen. We need to go to a secure location for our talk. I don’t believe it would be wise to disclose any information about you until we had a chance to sort things out ourselves.”

Raito was slightly overwhelmed at the thought of his father and the others being concerned for him, but once he thought about it for a second it really wasn’t that much of a stretch to imagine. With his latest idiotic actions they most likely thought that L couldn’t possibly be right about Raito being Kira…when it had really in fact sealed Raito’s fate as Kira.

Raito was grateful that L seemed willing to put the discussion of weather L loved him or not on hold, at least until they had the time and private space to speak of such matters…or more accurately yell at each other.

“L…as much as I really don’t want to even think about it, why don’t we go back to that room?”

L snorted at Raito’s obvious dislike of the white room they had stayed in before when L tried to get Raito to confess about his name…they may have been unaware of it at the time but it had been the start of something momentous that neither of them had predicted.

“Because Raito-kun, I know for a fact that Watari is also really worried for you, you did save his life not an hour ago, also like the rest of the team he doesn’t know what I plan to do, neither does he know some of the things that I do…the reason why we can’t go to the white room Raito-kun because Watari already knows about it. It wouldn’t surprise me if he has already placed hidden cameras in there in the hopes that I drag you in there to talk. No Raito-kun, we need to go to a place where no one would think that we would go to.”

As Raito thought about what L said he saw that he had a point. Watari did seem the sort to do that if he was truly worried. He trusted L; there was no doubt about that. But still he would want to make sure that neither of them got hurt and to do that he would need to see and hear things that he really had no business hearing or seeing.

Raito was suddenly hit with an idea. It was so simple yet at the same time…it took most of his control not to start laughing out loud at the uncomplicated answer to all their worries on finding a place to hide out until they were ready to face everyone.

“Why don’t we just go home?”

The look on L’s face caused Raito to lose his control over himself, letting the laughter that wanted to break out come forth in pure untainted mirth.

---

“I’m not so sure about this Raito-kun.”

Raito turned to look at L, causing the silvery chain that connected them to clink. L had reapplied it to both of their wrists before they snuck out of the headquarters structure. Raito didn’t mind, it just gave him the excuse to walk closer to L.

“L think about it, would my dad or Watari suspect that we would be hiding out at my families home? It’s the perfect place to hide out until tomorrow.”

“But Raito-kun what about your mother and sister? Won’t they be at home as well? I think that we should be alone when we have our…discussion.”

“That’s the beauty of it, it’s Saturday. It doesn’t matter that they were almost attacked last night. My mother always go to her Saturday meeting with her book club, what my father doesn’t know is that she doesn’t come home till the next morning. The book club is more of a cover story really. My mother and her friends go out to relax and get drunk at a spa about 2 hours away. She would have already left earlier this afternoon, and my sister always stays at one of her friend’s houses on Saturdays because I mom’s not home to cook dinner and Sayu always says my cooking sucks. Sooo…you get what that means right?”

Raito smiled at L as they pulled over in the SUV a few feet from his house. Raito watched as L started to smirk in acknowledgement.

“We’ll have the house all to ourselves.”

Raito leer at him in respond.

“Let’s go inside…I’m sure we could find some of my father’s aged scotch to help us relax enough to talk…well at least I hope it will help me relax.”

L gave his an understanding look and nodded.

“Come on Raito-kun, we have much to discuss.”

“I know L, I know.”

---

“So Raito-kun where’s this aged scotch that you were talking about?”

Raito rolled his eyes as he let out a sigh; he walked into the kitchen dragging L behind him. He walked up to one of the cabinets on the far wall, he then opened it and reached inside; pushing the food products aside as his father’s stash of alcohol came into view in the far back of the cabinet.

“Geez L who would have thought that a childish sweet tooth like yourself would drink something like alcohol? There is some soda and sugary drinks in the fridge that my sister drinks for you if you prefer.”

L shot Raito a look that showed that he was not amused.

“Ha, ha Raito-kun very funny, incase it has escaped your keen senses of deduction I’m well over the drinking age limit. I’ve had my fair share of alcohol in my life thank you; while it’s not my first choice in drink I can appreciate the side effects of alcohol. Sometimes in my line of work you can’t help but want to dull your mind after some sort of gruesome case.”

Raito nodded his head in understanding and sympathy. He knew what L meant, it was the reason that this alcohol was here in the first place. Sometimes when his father came home from a terrible case that he had been working on he would just take the bottle into his study and not come out for hours.

The rest of the family has learned that it was best not to bother him when he did that. Sometimes it was for the best just to wallow a bit in your own gloominess for a while, although his mother and Sayu never let his father sulk for long. They always managed to dragged him out a few hours later, then they would grab Raito and go out to do something together. Usually they would go to the nearby park; it was a relaxing place that made his father smile, which in turn made everyone happy.

“I apologize L, I did not mean it to sound like that, I just never seen you drink or eat anything that wasn’t overflowing with sugar.”

L just shook his head and grabbed the small bottle that Raito was holding loosely in his hand. He then turned around and started to walk out of the kitchen causing Raito to stumble in surprise. Luckily enough Raito was able to regain his balance before his face became intimate with the kitchen floor. Shooting L’s back a black look he hurried after L who hadn’t even paused in his strive.

Raito started to wonder where L was heading; he guessed his room when L started to drag him up the stairs in the direction of his room. He proved correct as L walked up to his door and opened it.

Raito walked quietly into the room behind L and closed the door; the atmosphere had suddenly turned very tense as soon as L had grabbed the alcohol from Raito in the kitchen.

Raito walked passed the still form of L who had stopped moving a few feet from the door and was looking around the room in interest.

Raito snorted, and flopped onto his bed, laying down with his hands cupping his head, he stared at L who was still looking around like he had never seen Raito’s room before. But Raito knew better and he would have thought that L knew that to, after all L had told Raito himself that he had put the cameras in his room before.

“I don’t know how you can find anything in this room interesting L, you already seen everything in detail in this room, what with all those camera’s that where in here, you probably know my room more then I do. You invaded my privacy for a week, watching me constantly…and I might as well say that it was very stalkish of you to do that in the first place. No matter that you suspected me to be Kira, it was a very pervert like thing to do, not only did you watch me which was bad enough but you also kept tabs on mom and Sayu to. Now that’s just plain wrong.”

L turned his head sharply from where he had been observing Raito’s desk to look at Raito. His eyes had sharpened intensely and Raito was getting the feeling that he had just done something incredibly stupid.

Finally L spoke, and as he did Raito felt like suffocating himself with his pillow that was laying a few inches away from him.

“Raito-kun…I have never once mentioned to you anything about the cameras that I had placed in here…how do you find out about the cameras Raito-kun and how long have you known about them?”

‘Oh god I can’t be this stupid…I was sure that L had already mentioned the cameras…let’s see, when was it...’

And suddenly Raito remembered, in his pervious life L had mentioned the cameras to Raito when he had placed the cuffs on his the first time…but so much had changed that L had never gotten the chance to tell him this time around, instead of L’s sadistic plan of his father pretending to shoot him Raito got placed in that godforsaken white room with L, and he and L and only gotten handcuffed this morning instead of the day before…everything was so mixed up that Raito was mixing his past with his current present, causing him to react to things that haven’t happen or what might never happen.

“Umm…well you see L…”

Raito couldn’t for the life of him come up with a believable answer; his head was spinning a bit from realizing that he had done something so stupid, stupid enough that it made even Matsuda look smart. He sat up and placed his hanging head in his hands, how could he possibly explain without sounding like a complete nuthouse?

Raito was startled out of his thoughts by having a bottle pushed into his face; he stared at the amber liquid then turned his gaze up to L, who was looking at him with a blank expression on his face.

“Drink Raito-kun, it will help to calm your mind some, maybe it would make things easier for us both if I explain first.”

Raito let out a sigh of relief; he was glad that he didn’t have to try to explain how he knew about the cameras at the moment. But he was more then a little nervous as well as apprehensive in what L had to say.

L walked the small distance that separated them and sat next to Raito, he then flopped backwards much like how Raito had done earlier. Raito stared as he saw L stretch out on his bed and look up to the ceiling with a look that Raito couldn’t decipher.

“Raito-kun…earlier after you passed out in that room…ok, ok more like I knocked you out, Watari and I carried you to the floor that you and I would be sharing from now on, I placed your unconscious body to bed and went to sleep myself, I was surprisingly tired, usually I can stay awake for a week without any type of sleep or rest but I guess to much had happened that it wore me out or something like that…anyway the point is that I slept Raito-kun, I slept and I dreamed…”

Raito was captivated; L’s face might have still been in its detective mask which was vacant of emotion but his voice…his voice screamed of emotion. Of loneliness, of weariness, of sadness, of wonder, of acceptance, and of a peculiar contentment as well.

Raito asked the question that would bring everything to the open, which would bring truths and facts out from both of them. No more hiding, no more lies.

“What did you dream Lawliet?”

“I dreamed Raito…of a world that had been turned to dust, of the screams of the dead…I dreamed Raito of a world that was no more…”

Raito inhaled sharply, no this was not happening, how could L have dreamed that?!

“…I also dreamed Raito about a little girl dressed in white…she came out of nowhere as I laid there on the red tinted ground bounded and helpless to the stop the horrors in front of me…”

Horror was growing in Raito, as well as astonishment as L mentioned a little girl dressed in white, could it be?

“She stood there as the dust of crimson blown around us, untouched by the surrounding stench of death and decay; she had the saddest expression on her face, so sad that it made me want to cry just seeing it…I remember her touching my face, wiping away my tears…and as soon as she touched me I felt a strange shift around me, she had taken me away from that dead world, I’m not to sure where we were because I couldn’t take my eyes off her but I remember feeling…content to be where I was.”

Raito inhaled deeply as L took a breath in pause, when L reached out his hand without taking his eyes from the ceiling Raito obliged in giving him of the bottle, when Raito handed it over he was shocked to see that almost half of the bottle was drained. It seemed that he had been gulping the drink down while L talked.

L didn’t say anything about the half filled bottle and just swallow a huge portion himself. He didn’t give the bottle back though and Raito was half angry and half relived for that, he was already feeling the slight buzz from what was already in his system.

As the seconds ticked by without L resuming his story Raito decided to push slightly.

“L what was it the girl said to you?”

Without once looking at Raito L resumed his tale.

“I don’t know how much time passed in my dream world as we just stood there staring at each other…it seemed like it was years while it was more likely only seconds, finally she spoke to me…her voice Raito, it was so beautiful yet…well it’s hard to explain…”

Raito absently nodded, he knew exactly what L was trying to say, he to had been in awe of the Little Mother’s voice as well, because that was who L was talking about, Raito was sure of it. The question was…why would the Little Mother talk to L? He had thought that she and the King would have died when they sent him back, it was only just know starting to flow in his mind that it had been his pervious life’s Little Mother and Shinigami King that had died, the gods from this time-line or alternate dimension were still alive…really it was enough to give Raito a headache to be truthful just thinking about all the explanations that could explain the Little Mother’s guest appearance in L’s dream world.

“…she had said I would have a choice that I needed to make in the future. I would have to choose between two different paths, one she showed me that would lead to the world as I had seen it, dead and dust, a world of nothing at all. She wouldn’t show me what the other choice was, nor what would happen if I choose that one, only that it would end in love and forgiveness.”

“I remember being puzzled over that, how could two paths be so different? I was also angry that she had placed me in such a huge predicament, I remember thinking why me? Why did only I have to decided what would happen to the world? I know I may a bit of an egoist but even I didn’t want such a large responsibility placed on my shoulders.”

“I remember her laughing a cheerless sort of laugh when these self-pitying thoughts ran through my head. She then stated that I was not the only one. Someone else was making the same sort of choice, just like I was. She wouldn’t tell me who it was or what that person had chosen but somehow I knew…I knew that only you Raito-kun would be able to make that kind of choice with me…it was then that I sort of figured out what was happening.”

“I still hadn’t quite chosen my path but I knew one thing for sure…I didn’t want the world to end like that. Humans may have done some horrible things in the past and in our current present now, and I know we will continue doing horrible stuff in the future but still…I didn’t believe that we deserved such a fate as what I saw. She smiled at me as my resolve hardened, and told me I would make my choice when the time was right, until then…I woke up after that Raito-kun, truthfully I don’t know why so much weird stuff is happening to you, but when you got shot by Matsuda…and passed out I knew then…I don’t want you to die Raito, I don’t know if leaving you alive is the right choice…but it’s my choice and I’m going to stick with it, I know you’re Kira, and I know you have certain supernatural abilities. It was only after reading that Lifenote of yours that I was able to figure some stuff out.”

“But I’m also still confused…that notebook of yours saves lives apparently…but I thought I was under the impression that Kira’s weapon killed.”

Raito’s head was spinning, how could this have happened? But even though Raito’s head felt like it was exploding and he was having trouble breathing one thing was for sure, L Lawliet knew he was Kira yet he still wanted to save him…L cared for him enough where he would risk himself for Raito, because if anyone found out that L was saving a criminal, a serial killer, L would be lucky himself if he didn’t get on death row next to Raito.

Raito took a deep breath, he now knew that L really didn’t know anything, he just was going on instinct and his own emotions, and while Raito found that hard to believe, this was L, he could at least appreciate it. He knew that the Little Mother had given him an opening, a chance. He could tell L the truth, maybe not every little thing, he wasn’t quite ready for that, but he could tell him about how he became Kira…and how he wasn’t quite from this time-line exactly.

A thought came to him suddenly, what had happened to his Lifenote? He knew that L had read it because he had just said that had read the rules in it…so…

“Hey L, what happened to the Lifenote? You didn’t leave it at headquarters did you?”

He looked at L who crocked his eyebrow at him.

“You’re going to ignore my question? Well since I’m such a great guy I’ll answer yours, I have it here under my shirt.”

Raito watched as L reached under his large shirt and pulled out the familiar white notebook, he then held it out for Raito to take. Raito reached with out his hands which he noticed where very faintly shaking.

After the notebook was back in his hands, Raito could feel muscles start to relax that he didn’t even know was tense to begin with. Having the Lifenote back in his possession was like a part of him that he hadn’t even known had been missing was back now. He felt complete.

He looked up from the white note in his hands to the detective that was lying on his bed; waiting for him…waiting for him to open himself just like the insomniac had done for him.

“Sorry L, I didn’t mean to ignore your question, I was just thinking on how I can answer it.”

L nodded his understanding and laid his head back down, pillowed by his hands. Raito realized it was a gesture to show that Raito could take as much time as he need to think about what he need to say. It was a very rare show of patience on L’s part, but it made Raito feel twice as grateful.

Raito inhaled deeply, he didn’t know how he was going to explain himself, hell he didn’t even get it all himself. He was something that should never have existed in this world, he was part of it and yet at the same time not. He was human yet he was also a God of Death, something like him had never existed before that was for sure and he was also sure that one such as him would never exist again either. He was the only one of his kind, an entirely different species by himself…it kind of made him feel a bit lonely now that he thought about it.

‘That must be why the Little Mother gave me that special gift…she knew how lonely my kind of existence would be like, so she decided to help me find someone to share the pain and happiness of eternity with. It may be something that I don’t deserve but…I will take what I am given and never take it for granted.’

First thing first…he had to tell L about how he became Kira in the first place and about the Deathnote…everything after that will come in time, he need to see first if L could take his past before he knew about the present and the possible future.

Raito inhaled deeply one more time and closed his eyes, he steeled himself for possible rejection, he may know things about L that he didn’t before, but he still couldn’t predict what L’s reaction to Raito’s tale would be.

He turned his head to look at L who was still staring at Raito’s white uninteresting ceiling; he couldn’t help the small smile that crossed his face as he looked at L. The untamed black hair that while looked coarse was actually very soft and smooth to the touch. The pale skin while some might say made him look like an extra off some zombie movie was more of a moonlighted skin tone; it was easy to tell that he spent most of his time in front of a computer in a dark room instead of outside in the sun. L’s thin yet lithe body was at least in Raito’s eyes beautiful.

But the thing that captured Raito’s eyes the most out of all of L’s physically characteristics was his eyes. At first impression they both resembled a bottomless black pit. But Raito knew, they were a profound gray. They were like mirrors to L’s soul and Raito was grateful at having the privilege of being one of the few to be able to read L’s eyes. The feelings and emotions that L normally didn’t show in his face or show in his body language, Raito was able to read it all in his eyes.

L Lawliet was not only beautiful in body and mind but he was the only one that Raito could call an equal in everything. In mind they shared the same intelligence and paranoia, they were able to think almost in sync when they were both weren’t concentrating on the case, it got to the point that in Raito’s past/future that they were able to tell the mood of the other just by a slight twitch, they even finished each others thoughts when speaking to the team about the Kira case…Raito wanted that back, but he wanted it to also to be something more then it was even then.

Well it was now or never, Raito swallowed harshly, for some reason his mouth had gone dry. He shrugged off any type of uncertainty and just started speaking, he knew that if he stopped at any point or even took the time to think on what he was saying he would stop and be unable to go on.

“L…having read the Lifenote you have most likely come to the conclusion that I’m no longer human…if so then you would be correct.”

Raito had flopped back down beside L and was also staring at the uninteresting white ceiling of his, he didn’t think that he would be able to tell L the truth while looking at him; he could tell that L realized this also as he wasn’t pushing Raito to look at him.

“I’m no longer completely human anymore…but that’s not to say that I’m not mostly human. But before I tell you about that and about the Lifenote I should start at the beginning shouldn’t I? About how I became Kira…and about a notebook called a Deathnote…and how it ruined my life and the lives of others and birth to the being the world knows as the mass murderer Kira…but even though it ruined and destroyed countless lives it also gave me something in return that I can’t help but think selfishly was worth all the pain and death.”

“And what could this something be Raito-kun that you would think that millions of lives were worth it?”

“…You L, it gave me you…”


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Ahhhh!!! I promise that I will have Raito explain everything in the next chapter, but I told you before that I’m kind of having writer’s block so I need some time with it…it might be a while till my next update. Sorry. I just wanted to update this so badly that I just had to stop at the most convenient spot available to me.

This chapter sucked! That’s all I can think when I reread this chapter for the 100th time.

Anyway please review and yet again I will try to make the next chapter better and Raito will be telling L about how he acquired the deathnote and everything after that, I will most likely summarize it because who really needs a recap of the entire Deathnote series?

Sorry yet again on taking forever to update but my life is busy and I haven’t had the time to write nor have I really had the inspiration to.

Though…I have the really bad urge to write a Detective Conan/Magic Kaito story…I even have a rough draft done…though I don’t know what the plot is yet…CX hmm…

Anyway please review and yet again I apologize for the really late update, let’s all pray to the Goddess of Fanfiction and Yaoi that this horrible writer’s block lifts soon eh?

Also I just noticed this as I was reading this for the 100th time...does this chapter seem kind of poetic to any of you? Because it seemed like that to me...waaayyy to OOC to me but...(shrugs) oh well...I guess I'm just a poet in heart.