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Post-metiér Conversations	By : SuckUBusJ Category: Hellsing > General Views: 8965 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 18
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Thanks
again for the reviews… believe it or not, they are a good
incentive to have chappys ready. If you guys are paying attention,
you must know by now that, yes, I am updating Mondays and Thursdays.
YAY!

DISCLAIMER:
There’s nothing like a real Nosferatu’s piggy-back
ride. Wheeeeeeeeeeee!

It’s
been a week since my date with Clay.

And
nothing from the vampire.

I
don’t even see him in missions. I even asked the police girl if
he was ok. I can tell she felt a bit weird about this. I mean, that
time we talked about him, she made me see everything in a more
positive way. And a week later from this conversation... he
disappears. But hell, I don’t know what he is doing with
Hellsing either! What the hell, right?

Ambivalence
is the word of the day. Or week.

“Hey…”
I heard a familiar voice beside me.

“Hm?”
I looked up at dark brown hair and blue eyes.

Pickman.

“You
ok?”

“Yeah.”
I said with a nod and a smile.

The
humming of the van was not helping. It only made me drown even deeper
into my own thoughts. Now I know why one should keep away from
dating… or whatever, in the workplace.

I
looked around, finding others in the same thinking daze as me. But I
knew they were just sulking about the mission; their reasons for
being here, their beliefs. It was all clear to me, so I never thought
about mine. No one knew or suspected the little soap opera that was
taking place behind the scenes. I guess no one had listened to the
vampire and me contradict one another about a woman’s or a
man’s role in a relationship; or his possessive episodes; or
our pleasure screams or grunts early in the morning; or the way
Hellsing would glare at me from the corner of her eye before every
mission, in very dissembled ways. Yes, that’s all she did. She
knew I was not stupid. And if she tried to fire me or something close
to it, only based on her personal reasons, I wouldn’t go
without a racket. I always kept my ears open for gossip; it was my
way of protecting my job. The police girl also kept me informed of
this. She was almost like my spy.

“Officer?”
I heard Pip’s voice in the radio.

“Sir.”

“Take
good care of my men…”

“Yes
Sir.”

--

“Sir,
they're coming--all of them.” I panted into my mic.

“Roger
that, Officer.”

I
ran toward the van, having to dodge trees and the like. It was a very
hard field to run in, and well, I am human. I get tired and things
sting my skin. I need a bath once I get home to close all these
little wounds...

My
legs felt hot after about 30 minutes of intense running; and I mean
running as in for my life. The ghouls were coming after
me and these were not so mindless and slow as the other ones we have
encountered. These act like Freaks even. This is getting scary…
too scary for my taste.

And
yes, I am stupid enough to go with the ‘bait’ plan
but this time I have permission from Pip. According to him, by me
directing ghouls else where, the number of civilian casualties would
drop considerably… and also, it would keep me away from
mischief.

I
didn’t like that last reason. It sounds stupid.

He
kind of liked the plan and my squad turned into a ‘bait
unit’ almost. But still I would only watch over them; Pip
was the Captain, as always. I guess they were scared to see what I
could do with a squad of my own.

Oh
and there was a deal; Pip made me promise to use my guns.

One
word +raspberry+.

“I
can't see the van I think I'm lost”. I said still panting and
looking around me; all I saw were trees.

“I
can see you Officer, just continue forward...”

“… How
can you! I--I can't see anything just--.”

“Go
forward, you are trapped in an illusion.” Alucard said into my
mind. My heart skipped a beat. He’s here.

“What!
How do I get out?” I said out loud getting a very bad feeling
about this.

“Walk
forward... leave it to me from now on…”

I
took a deep breath. “… An illusion… an illusion;
walk forward no matter what I see...” This was my new mantra.

“Officer?”

“I
am trapped in an illusion it seems Sir. I gather everyone else is
back safe? I can’t reach them through--.”

I
heard Pip sending people forward as he checked with me that everyone
else was fine. I ignored everything that was in front of me. I better
close my eyes... yes this is better.

I’m
walking, I’m walking, I’m--.

I
gasped. A sharp pressure on my stomach made my eyes fly open.

I
looked down at my body…

Oh…
god…

… blood…
there’s—there’s—oh, god—

… something
is coming out of my—oh god… I’ve been stabbed…

“Do
not panic, it is an illusion; walk forward...”

“Aluc—.”
My eyes went wide, studying the knife that was sticking out of my
body grotesquely. It was... one of my own.

“Officer?”
I heard Pip in the radio.

“Alucard…
I'm bleeding...” I was in panic, eyes wide, hands in the air at
my sides.

“Is
Mr. Alucard there...?” Pip asked away from the mic.

“How
can this be an—Alucard…”

“I
can see you; you are fine, walk... forward.”

“I
can't move I will--.”

“Are
you ok?” I heard Pip getting louder on the radio.

I
fell on my knees not knowing what to do with that knife that was
sticking out of me. My eyes were not getting any smaller... but tears
wouldn’t come down my face.

“… Oh...
god...” I almost squeaked, air leaving my lungs.

“Listen
to me... it is a trick. It is not real; Move. Forward!”

“… No,
no I can feel it...”

“Girl,
who you talking to!”

“Officer...
down...” I almost couldn’t say the words into my mic.

“WHAT!”

“Get.
Up! You are alright! If you stay there you will get hurt do you hear
me?” Not even Alucard’s angry thought was making me
snap out of this.

I
slowly let my body fall on the ground and started coughing blood. Or
so I thought.

I
can’t… move… I’m...

I
opened my eyes. I felt a pang in my chest.

No.

Hell
no. A vampire, why not. A Freak, maybe. But there was no way in hell
I was going to go as a fucking ghoul. I raised my upper body with my
forearms and looked forward. I could feel them coming, they were
close. I could still hear the echoes of Alucard’s thought in my
head. An illusion. This was an illusion. I didn’t care what
this was. But I was not going to let that scum touch me.

Some
say the mind is the most powerful organ of one’s body.

Believe
them.

It
can screw you up or get you out of dangerous situations.

This
time it was screwing me up.

Again
I got on my knees and tried to drag myself away from that place. I
had to stand up. It’s not that I couldn’t. I HAD to.
Again I spit out some more blood and drawing a shaky breath in, with
my trembling legs, I slowly got on my feet. My hand went near the
dreaded knife, almost protecting it as I zig-zagged… forward?

Shit…
where am I…?

But
then I felt everything around me fall to pieces like burned paper;
shredding in the wind. I looked up and saw Clay’s profile and
me in his arms.

This—this
is so... confusing I don't—what is happening…

Oh
god I'm dying... I am hallucinating…

I
started to shake; I didn’t want to look at my stomach maybe to
find the knife. I kept clutching at Clay’s shirt, my knuckles
looking quite pale. I was in shock, I couldn't even cry.

Finally
I felt the ground under me. I looked up at Clay’s blue eyes for
comfort.

“… It's
ok you're safe... there is no knife...” He said.

I
gasped as he touched my stomach.

“No
knife, look...” He moved my face to look at my midsection and I
gasped again as I saw nothing like blood or knife. I looked back at
him. “… it was not real...” He whispered
soothingly.

“… Ghn...”

“It's
ok, you're safe now...” He rubbed my arms up and down. I was in
shock still.

“I
will take care of her Brendon; return to your position...” I
heard Alucard's voice and jumped. It was not because of surprise or
fear. It was almost... hope. Yes, a feeling of safety... comfort.

“It’s
ok Alucard. I was told to look after her...” Clay answered.

For
the first time I see them interact. And it's as natural as me and
Seras.

“I
will take care of her from here...” He sounded a bit pushy.

“… Uh—.”

Clay
was cut off by Alucard's form suddenly making him stand up and get
back. Don't ask me how the vampire got between Clay and me and
carried me away effortlessly.

Clay
seemed confused and a bit angered. He stared at us for a while as
Alucard took me away. Then he was out of my sight.

I can't
remember anything else...

I
have been getting really good at these missions. They are starting to
feel fun to me. I do get hurt once in a while but pain doesn't really
mean anything to me. As long as I'm alive, pain is just an impulse
from the brain. This is something I was taught when I first started
training in martial arts. And it became my mantra pretty much in
everything from friendly sparring to battles against the undead.

But,
back in my room after tonight's mission, finally conscious, I
couldn't help but think... what if next time, I do die. What if I'm
turned into a ghoul? It just takes a little bite or scratch from
those horrible beings. And I get close. Really close.

I
know I will find my end in this job. I am very sure of this.

I
sulked on the bed, looking at my hands intertwined on my lap, legs
stretched and crossed at the ankles. It must be my PMS talking. I
shook my head a little, but felt another presence as I did this so I
stopped.

“It
took you long enough...” I heard a soft purr beside me.

“What
do you mean?”

“Every
new recruit goes through this after their first missions... it took
you almost two years...”

“Hmm...”
I turned to him to find him sitting the same way as me, almost
mimicking me, in his complete ensemble minus hat and shades. “I’m
genuinely scared Alucard.”

Silence.

“I
have never felt this void in my chest before.” Pause. “...
can you see the future?”

He
chuckled sarcastically.

“No,
I missed that class, my dear...”

Silence.
I smiled as I heard those last two words.

“There
is nothing I can do anymore if something happens.” His tone was
serious now.

“I
know.”

“--not
anymore.”

“I
know that...”

Silence.

I
looked at him and tugged at his duster. He sighed; mocking
desperation at this almost juvenile action of mine as the rest of his
extra clothes disappeared, leaving him in his shirt and pants. It was
a little habit I had acquired; he knew I hated the extra clothing.

“I
am going to do something but please don't freak out on me.” I
said softly.

Silence.

I
decided to take a chance here. I mean he did disappear for a whole
week after I went out with Clay. So I was ready for rejection.

I
dragged my body near him, and made him uncross his hands. I sat
beside him, my body first leaning on him to not seem too aggressive.
My head slowly fell on his shoulder, almost nuzzling against that
curve in between the shoulder and neck. I curled into a ball, smiling
at what he might be thinking. But to my surprise his arm moved and
curled around me in a firm embrace.

Long
silence. My heart is beating so fast.

“I
like this...” I whispered into his cool skin.

“I
will keep it in mind.” He said into my hair.

Silence.

“I
thought you were not afraid of death... or so you project...”
He whispered.

“I
wasn't.”

“What
made that change?”

Silence.

“When
I was trapped in that illusion I felt it so close... and I realized
something...”

“Hm?”

“The
more I live, the more I realize I'm not ready yet... the more I
learn, the more I want to learn and like that, I get more and more
scared of that peaceful nothingness... and more attached to life.”

“You
are scared of peace?”

“Yes...
I'm not as evolved yet as to like peace. I am still very much
attached to stupid things that make peace a bit boring to me... I am
no Buddha, vampire. I can't help it... I guess deep inside I don't
want to be... in peace... I guess I like that whole 'to be happy you
must know sadness' thing... and that is not peace... ”

“At
least you are aware of this...”

“Hm?”

“At
least you accept it, human...” He whispered deeper into my
hair, making emphasis I guess. “Your kind, generally speaking,
doesn't... and suffer and whine unnecessarily because of this...”

Silence.

“I'm
scared... that's all I can say right now...” I whispered,
curling even more against him, my arm going around his midsection,
holding him tighter. He, I guess, imitated this and squeezed me a
little more. “... gunpowder and leather... and that weird thing
again...”

“Hm?”

“Your
smell...”

“Oh...”
Silence. “Is it pleasing to you?”

“It...
calms... me.” I was surprised it came out of my lips.

Silence.

“Has
my smell changed..?” I asked.

“A
bit...”

“Virgins
smell different, right?”

“Da...”

“How
different?”

“You
always had a musky scent to you... not quite virgin-like at first...”

“So
musky means sex?”

“Most
of the time, yes...”

Silence.

“So,
is it bad now?”

“Your
smell? Oh, no no no...”

His
answer intrigued me... why so eager?

“Then?”

He
chuckled.

“...
A bit more musky... spicy, always with a hint of concern in you...
and of course... a little bit of me...” I could hear his grin
almost.

“You?...
why like you?”

“...Because...”

“Are
you trying to mark me or something?” I couldn't believe I was
almost smiling about this.

“I
was your first man... what do you expect--.”

“No
you were NOT.”

Silence.

“Are
you trying to confuse me?”

“I
mean yes in that way... but I have done a lot of OTHER things with
OTHER people so don't go all beasty on me...”

“'Beasty'...
why do you insist on disgracing the language?”

“+raspberry+Your
first language is NOT English so SUSHH.” I said that last word
raising my hand and moving it like a mouth.

Silence.

“Was
that gesture of your hand supposed to mean something?”

“It's
a mouth.” I said and again began moving it as I talked.

“Is
it?”

“Yeeeesssss...
you never played puppets?” I kept moving my hand in front of
his face as I spoke.

Silence.

“I
don’t—you didn't?--what a sucky childhood man...”

“Hm.”

“Look,
use your imagination... 'Hi, how are you?'” I moved my hand and
spoke in a falsetto. “You use your hand as a--.”

“You
do recall I can... read thoughts and the sort, right milady?”

Well!
This just sounded like modern-time sarcasm.

I
was being a retard but now I feel just plain stupid.

I
hit his stomach playfully. And of course he chuckled. I tried to not
smile.

“I.
Hate. You.”

“I
know you do...”

I
sank deeper into him. He didn't seem to mind.

“Question.”

“Hm?”

“Why...
why doesn't sunlight affect you?”

Silence.

“It
is too weird... I haven't heard of this before.”

Silence.

“There
are many things that these walls have seen and heard that you do not
want to know about.” He answered slowly and softly.

Silence.

“Have
you been treated well?”

“I
have been treated as what I am.”

I
clicked my tongue. I hate it. I hate it when she calls him servant.
He doesn't deserve this, Seras doesn't either. It makes me mad.

But
deep inside I know she treats him well… I know she wouldn’t
do anything to harm him.

I
raised my head from him and looked into his half lidded crimson eyes.
He looked back, tilting his head, sensing a difference in my stare. I
softly stretched my neck up to him and gave him a soft kiss on the
cheek. My face moved in front of his again, the same look of slight
confusion in his eyes.

“Thank
you.” I almost spelled softly. “... for staying with me
and calming my dreams...”

I
looked at him for a few more seconds, getting as close as I could
without loosing any focus on his face. Again those little things in
my stomach… my heart is beating so fast I think I’m
going to pass out…

God,
this can’t be happening to me… it can’t. Not with
him.

“Ask
me.” He whispered; his lips almost not moving. I thought for a
moment he had said it into my mind, not with his mouth. There was a
soft frown on his face.

I
continued looking at him, a soft frown now on mine. No, I wasn’t
confused I knew what he meant… I just… no I can’t
do it…

Silence.

“…You
know I will only answer when I am asked…” I felt his
gloved fingers almost pinching my chin. His eyes became softer... his
look was killing me. I was not sure what it meant but it was stirring
things in me. My skin filled with goose bumps as I felt his bare
fingers on my cheek, about to cup my face. I leaned against his hand,
closing my eyes involuntarily, again inhaling his scent. I felt his
other hand softly placing my hair behind my ear delicately; my eyes
opened again a little surprised by this gesture. His thumb softly
moved back and forth at the height of my cheekbone, his eyes never
leaving mine.

What
is the meaning of this? Why is he doing this? He has never looked at
me this way, never…

He
leaned closer to me, the side of his face rubbing against mine, his
lips going to my ear. My eyes closed, my heart was about to burst,
the air I was inhaling felt too heavy for my lungs, my face still in
between his hands... this is again, so unlike him. My hands went to
hold his face too…

I
am feeling too emotional for my own good…

“...You
were dying in your mind…” His whisper caressed my mind
and ear. “... and I felt it; I felt you leaving me… I
also wondered, just like you wondered that time in the gardens...
what would have happened if--.” I felt him stop abruptly. His
face moved in front of mine, his forehead touching mine in silence,
eyes closed, his demeanor changing in that second.

Why-why
did he stop?

Silence.

“I
am needed.” He said his voice less soft, his eyes opening
slowly.

NO...
no no no he can't leave now... no... my throat is closing…

I
sighed. “Ok.” Was my mumbled answer.

I
caressed his face, still feeling his forehead against mine and again
felt the feathering tickle around my fingers and face as he
disappeared. My hands fell on my lap as there was nothing there to
hold anymore.

I
curled into a ball and tried to sleep. Tried.

A
reminder.

Even
if I accepted his claim on me for whatever reason, I could never
claim him as mine.

He will
always be hers.

Aww…
poor Officer… +pat pat+

+chom
chom+ yummay cookies +chomp chomp+
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