Relax and Hang On -- Again | By : cupnjava Category: Gensomaden Saiyuki > General Views: 20723 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaden Saiyuki, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
I was told I needed clarify the timeline / progression / order of this story. So please bear with me, while I try to make up for my transgressions. If you don’t want to read this, just scroll down to the three dashed lines.
First over all, the story takes places after they meet Homura, but before disk 11.
Now the progression of “Relax and Hang On”, “Relax and Hang On” was a one shot, but due to the wonderful feedback and insightful reviews, I chose to fill in some of the gaps. This is one of the odd situations where the audience knows the ending of the movie during the beginning of the movie. Only, slightly different -- yes the same thing, but different. (I love that phrase.) The audience already knows the middle of the story. This is the beginning. “Relax and Hang On” is a middle chapter. “Relax and Hang On -- Again” is the beginning and end. I will make it clear when the first (that was written) chapter is the next chapter.
I tried to add these under “Relax and Hang On”, but I cut and pasted my story there. I’m now converting to HTML to keep the formatting --- so I couldn‘t add it. I have a very stylized and not too technical style…the placement of the words on the page is important to me.
Where the words are … in relation to the margins…means something to me.
If you think this is odd and too deep to convey properly with my meager skill, you should see some of my poetry. I also like to transition sentences into thoughts. So, I needed to make use of italics.
Which is why sometimes there are gaps between paragraphs…more than normal with the HTML conversion. I use the space to slow your eye down. I use simple sentence structure to speed the eye up. Complex structure, convoluted structure, anachronistic syntax and verbiage, and words with length to slow the eye down. I do this to control the pace of the story. I wish it were as simple as if I type it fast they will read it fast. Oh yeah and I’m not that smart -- I just felt my writing was getting redundant. So, www.m-w.com is a good friend of mine. Ahh Merriam-Webster how do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I also edit my stories by reading them aloud. Which is why I seem to have a love affair with alliteration, parallelism, the ellipsis, the dash and yes…silk. (Ok, so it doesn’t explain the silk fetish.) This also explains the conversational tone and intentional use of sentence fragments.
Yes, I take my porn way -- way too seriously. I am sad. So very sad.
To sum up: The chapters numbers (drop down menu) [my order]
“Relax and Hang On --Again” Chapter (1) [2] “How it all began” is the first leg. &2A
“Relax and Hang On -- Again” Chapter (2) [3] “Hakkai meet Kink” is the second leg.
“Relax and Hang On -- Again” Chapter (3) [4] “Kink meet Hakkai” [OR] “Kink Hakkai
Style” is the third leg.
“Relax and Hang On -- Again” Chapter 3a “Traveling After ” is the fourth
leg.
“Relax and Hang On” (the one shot) is the fifth leg.
Now, we’re getting in to the area I have only outlined; and thus, subject to change.
“Relax and Hang On -- Again” Chapter 4 -- “Your Plan Sucks”
“Relax and Hang On -- Again” Chapter 5 -- “You’re making me angry. You wouldn’t
like me when I’m angry” [OR] “How ep. 47 would have been if they
would have consulted me” [OR] “Because I feel so freaking goddamn
cheated about ep. 47” [OR] “If they won’t do it I will”. [OR] “Because
we are a devoted deserving fan base and we are entitled to this you
thieving bastards!” [OR] “Yeah, I’m pissed.”
“Relax and Hang On -- Again” Chapter 6 -- “Tenderness and Compassion”
Chapter 5 was planned since the re-start of this fanfic; however, since I feel so freaking CHEATED over ep. 47 I’m going to seriously vamp it up.
With all this said, I’m writing this assuming you have read the one-shot. The stories are written around wanting to know how they got to that point and how they get away from it. However, you can read them in the above order. It doesn’t really matter.
Whew….making a one-shot not a one-shot is hard.
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This Chapter: The title explains it all. We’re getting into kink here. We’ve left vanilla and now we have a scene. D/s , some light bondage and calculated use of pain. Oooo the good stuff. Did Hakkai really say that? “Oh no she didn’t … she didn’t have Hakkai say that!”
Bitch at me here: Saiyuki_Fan_Fic@yahoo.com
I apologize profusely for misspelling Tenpou’s name -- twice. I am so ashamed. I shouldn’t have the right to call myself a fan.
Enough blabbering on with it already!
Cupnjava c[~]~~~ *sip*
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Relax and Hang on III---Hakkai meet Kink.
Much to Gojyo’s and (the more-sane-than-not facets of) Hakkai’s delight. Their relationship did become a regular thing. The times they camped outside and the when the inn only had one large room available became torture. To be so close and yet so far away --- was unbearable. Gojyo would steal the occasion touch from the back seat of the jeep. A hand would linger on a shoulder -- a little too long. A foot would brush another --- a little too often. An eye would rest in places it shouldn’t ---at least not in public. The touches looked innocent enough to any bystander, but Hakkai knew what they meant. The touches meant that even when they couldn’t, Gojyo wanted him.
Much to Hakkai’s dismay and Sanzo’s delight, Sanzo kept up the practical joke. He was slick and quick. No one noticed. He’d managed to brush Hakkai’s knee while riding in the jeep; stand a little too close when they fought back-to-back; linger on a hand (when being passed food); and grab a knee under a dinning table. Once in the middle of a very busy market street, Sanzo managed to get a whole hand of ass. Hakkai about came completely unglued. Sanzo had Hakkai so mentally wound up, that the touches were simply punctuation. He could get Hakkai to squirm with a glance of violet.
Hakkai stood firm with Gojyo, Sanzo was not to find out. Gojyo was ready to tell it to the world, but he placated his friend and lover.
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Hakkai sighed as he walked back to the dinning table. “Do you want the good news or the bad news?”
Sanzo took a drag from his cigarette, “You’re going to tell us both. So, cut the crap.”
Hakkai smiled, “The good news is they have rooms.”
Gojyo smiled, “And the bad news?”
“They only have two available.” Hakkai’s smile looked a little to forced.
Gojyo shrugged, “Ok, so it’s doubles.”
Hakkai shook his head, “No, two rooms…one bed each.”
Gojyo didn’t see the issue. It was logical who was sleeping with whom.
Sanzo spoke up, “Fine. The children can share a room.”
Hakkai squirmed. A night in the same bed with Sanzo? That smile under those green eyes looked way too forced.
Goku yelped, “What?”
Gojyo yelled, “I’m not sleeping with the Monkey.”
Hakkai hid his face in his hand as the other diners in the room looked over at their table.
Sanzo sneered, “Good, you realized you were one of the “children”. I didn’t say you had to have sex with him, just share a bed with him.”
Goku whined, “But, Sanzo.”
Gojyo protested, “No way! I’m not sharing a bed or a room with him. I‘m not sharing jack-shit with him.”
Goku smacked Gojyo, “Like I want to share with you, Sprite. You’ll probably jump me in my sleep.”
Gojyo glared at Goku, “I’m sick of this. Do you want to take this outside?”
Goku stood up, “Yeah! Let’s settle this.”
Gojyo stood up, “I’ll beat you into banana pulp.”
Hakkai sighed, “Surely Sanzo, you can see--- that particular sleeping arrangement would prevent anyone from getting sleep.”
Sanzo glanced over to make sure the little spat was still distracting the idiots and whispered, “Who says we’d be sleeping?”
Hakkai paled briefly and then sighed, “You settle this.” He slapped one key down on the table and dangled the other from his fingers. “I’m going. Whoever wants to sleep with me can just show up.” He chuckled softly as he exited the room.
Gojyo slapped one hand down on the table and jutted a finger at Sanzo, “You can have the fleas!” He stormed out of the room.
“I don’t have fleas!“ Goku looked up at Sanzo, “Whatcha do that for?”
Sanzo stamped out his cigarette, “Never mind, Goku.” He glanced at the key on the table and stood up. He walked out of the room.
Goku looked at the empty plates on the table. He sighed and stood slowly. He picked up the key and slunk out of the room.
Hakkai unlocked his door and quickly closed it. Hakuryuu flew from his shoulder and curled up in the seat of a comfortable chair. Hakkai threw his pack across the floor. He stood surrounded by darkness, his hand clutching his shirt trying to slow the pace of his heart. What ---the hell--- was I thinking? What am I going to do if Sanzo comes?
The door behind him opened and slammed shut. A pack dropped to the floor. Hakkai shut his eyes and froze in place. I’ve made my bed now I must lay in it. Please be Gojyo. He felt a hand warp around his mouth and his back was slammed against a wall. He felt someone lean into him.
“Are you trying to incite me?”
Hakkai knew that voice. Gojyo. The hand left his mouth. Lips pressed into his. His wrists were jerked over his head. Gojyo’s tongue probed Hakkai’s mouth. Hakkai took in a sharp breath through his nose and his head swooned in Gojyo’s scent. His muscles relaxed.
Gojyo pressed Hakkai’s wrists into the wall. He broke off the kiss and slid his lips to Hakkai’s neck. He nipped at Hakkai’s neck and whispered, “How dare you flirt like that in front of me. You know what it does to me.” Gojyo slid his knee between Hakkai’s legs and pressed his hip into Hakkai‘s.
Hakkai moaned and pressed his hips into Gojyo’s. He wondered briefly, What didn’t do that to Gojyo?
Gojyo nipped and licked at Hakkai’s ear and whispered, “I know you weren’t really flirting. I’m not really mad. This is just a game I’d like to play. Do you want to play?”
Gojyo had been wanting to introduce an element of kink into their relationship. Not that the sex was boring or dull, but just to have something different with someone that was so right. He hadn’t been sure how to approach the subject and then this situation fell into his lap. This would also be a night when Hakkai wouldn’t leave him to keep up some façade. If something went wrong, he would be able to be there to make it all right. He held his breath as he hoped for the right word to come from Hakkai.
Hakkai hissed, “Yes.”
Gojyo let out his pent up exhale and held both of Hakkai’s wrists in his right hand. His left hand slid down and worked the clasps on Hakkai’s shirt. His voice took on a demanding tone, “You’re wearing to many clothes.” He tugged at Hakkai’s shirt and in a flash it was off.
Hakkai turned his feet and kicked off his shoes. Gojyo ran five nails down Hakkai’s chest and stomach. Hakkai’s muscles quaked and he let out a jagged breath. He would have curled over, but Gojyo held fast to his wrists.
Gojyo’s fingers nimbly worked Hakkai’s pants open and he began nudging them down. Hakkai arched away from the wall and wiggled to help with the removal of his clothes. He kicked his feet and his pants were quickly away.
Gojyo removed his hand from Hakkai’s wrists and trailed his fingers down Hakkai’s cheek and on to the side of his neck. Hakkai’s hands naturally dropped to Gojyo’s shoulders. Gojyo jerked his hands around Hakkai’s wrists and snapped them back up and against the wall. “I thought I was clear.”
Gojyo slowly lifted his hands from Hakkai’s wrists. Hakkai kept his wrists up and against the wall. Gojyo trailed the back of his fingernails down Hakkai’s cheeks, across the sides of his neck, over his pects and down his stomach.
Hakkai moaned and curled over. Gojyo whipped a hand to Hakkai’s shoulder and pushed him back into the wall.
Gojyo jerked his hands to the leg-bands of Hakkai’s boxers and with two simultaneous tugs, the boxers where rumpled around Hakkai’s ankles. Hakkai stepped out of them and kicked them to the side.
Gojyo took a step back and reached a hand into his pocket. He felt for his lighter and struck it. The orange flame lit up Gojyo’s hand and face. He leaned toward Hakkai and held the flame close to him. Hakkai could feel the heat from the flame on his face. A small voice inside his head tried to say something about trust, but Hakkai quickly squashed it.
Gojyo turned and located the candles in the room. He lit the candles and the room became washed with the soft hue of candlelight.
Gojyo stood a few feet from Hakkai and closed the lighter. He stuck the lighter back in his pocket and scanned Hakkai.
Hakkai pressed his body against the wall. Green eyes locked onto crimson. His hands were over his head; his arms crossed at the wrist. The position accentuated the toned muscles in his torso. Gojyo continued the body-scan and saw that Hakkai was well on his way to being fully aroused. Gojyo offered a sultry smile.
The body-scan was beginning to make Hakkai feel self-conscious. He closed his eyes and turned his head.
“Don’t close off from me.”
The words poured into Hakkai’s ears. Being this open was difficult for Hakkai and yet it was exhilarating. Hakkai opened his eyes, but couldn’t get himself to make eye contact with Gojyo.
Gojyo stepped toward Hakkai and curled his fingers around Hakkai’s chin. He turned Hakkai’s face. Hakkai glanced at Gojyo and then averted his eyes up.
Gojyo leaned into him and whispered, “You are mine.”
Hakkai’s stomach flipped.
“To do with as I wish.”
Hakkai’s breath hitched.
“It is time you learned not to flirt with others.”
Hakkai took in a sharp breath and his lower lip curled between his teeth. His eyes closed.
Gojyo traced invisible lines down Hakkai’s sides. He nipped and licked on Hakkai’s neck. “Tonight, you are my toy.”
Hakkai’s knees buckled slightly and his head turned.
Gojyo turned Hakkai’s head again. “Don’t close off from me.”
Hakkai opened his eyes, caught a flash of a crimson gaze and averted his eyes to the side.
Gojyo took a few steps back, “You will stay in that position until you can look at me look at you.” By this point, Gojyo was ready to slam Hakkai onto the bed and rock his world; however, he’d begun this game and he was going to finish it.
Hakkai took a deep breath and slowly cut his eyes toward Gojyo.
Emerald locked with crimson. Crimson probed emerald.
Maintaining the eye contact, Gojyo took two steps to the left. He smiled. Still not breaking eye contact , Gojyo took four steps to the right. He smiled again.
He stepped toward Hakkai and pressed his still fully clothed body into Hakkai’s naked form. He kissed Hakkai lightly on the cheek. Hakkai slowly blinked. Gojyo slid his body, stimulating Hakkai’s skin with his clothes.
Hakkai closed his eyes and moaned.
Gojyo slid his hands up and wrapped his fingers around Hakkai’s wrists. He moved Hakkai’s hands to his sides. He released one hand and used the other to lead Hakkai toward the bed.
He stopped at the edge of the mattress and turned Hakkai around. Hakkai stood with the mattress against the back of his legs. Gojyo curled a hand around Hakkai’s head and grabbed a fistful of short silky locks. Gojyo pressed his lips against Hakkai’s and his tongue darted around Hakkai’s.
The kiss ended with a wet pop and Gojyo pushed Hakkai backward on the bed. Hakkai adjusted his position.
Gojyo turned and walked toward his pack. He began removing his clothes as he walked. He dug through his pack and finally removed his toiletry bag. He glanced over his shoulder at Hakkai. He wasn’t lucky enough to have a four-post bed, so the strips of fabric he’d picked up to use as restraints would go unused. Unless….He grabbed two strips of fabric and the tube of lubricant. As he turned to walk back toward the bed, he stepped out of his pants and underwear.
He crawled up the bed and sat on his shins between Hakkai’s knees. Hakkai moaned softly and pressed his head into the pillow. Gojyo leaned over Hakkai and wrapped a piece of fabric around each of Hakkai’s wrists. He took the loose ends and tied them in a simple knot. He softly whispered, “You should be able to easily get out of that, but please keep up the illusion.” He slid the knot behind Hakkai’s head.
He scanned Hakkai; he liked how Hakkai was presented to him, open and vulnerable. He trailed his fingers over the exposed sections of Hakkai’s arms, down his chest and across his stomach. Hakkai arched from the mattress, took in a sharp breath and pulled against the restraints.
Gojyo teased and taunted Hakkai with his fingers, Hakkai’s moans and groans grew in frequency and volume. His hips began rocking; his body was trying to get more of Gojyo’s touch. His eyes closed. Gojyo abruptly ceased his attentions and rested back on his shins.
Hakkai slowly opened his eyes and Gojyo fell forward on to him. Gojyo ran his tongue from Hakkai’s ear and onto his neck. He offered the occasional nip, hard enough to leave teeth marks, but no so hard as to actually cause pain.
Gojyo raked his nails over Hakkai’s body and Hakkai responded by pushing back into Gojyo’s touch. Hakkai bit his lips in a feeble attempt to quiet his verbal outbursts.
Gojyo chuckled softly as he realized he now had Hakkai exactly where he wanted him. He slid his hand across Hakkai’s hip and wrapped his fingers around Hakkai’s throbbing cock. Hakkai rocked his hips into Gojyo.
Gojyo began stroking Hakkai. Hakkai’s head swooned and his eyes fluttered back. His chest heaved with his breaths.
“Cum for me, Hakkai.” He knew it was way too soon, but it was part of his game plan. “You have until the count of five.” He leaned over and nipped roughly at Hakkai’s ear. “Or I will fuck you dry and it will hurt.”
Hakkai’s eyes popped open. He breathlessly spoke, “You wouldn’t.”
“Five….four….three….two….one….tsk, tsk.”, Gojyo trailed his fingers up the Hakkai’s inner thigh. He bent his index and middle finger. He lightly pressed his knuckles against Hakkai’s opening.
Panic ran into Hakkai’s mind and he pulled against the restraints. His breath heightened. He nearly listened to the young voice in his head that spoke of trust.
Gojyo increased the pressure behind his grip around Hakkai’s dick and the speed of his strokes. “Cum for me, Hakkai. Let me see the satisfaction in your eyes.”
Hakkai’s hips rocked, meeting Gojyo’s strokes.
Gojyo applied more careful pressure against Hakkai.
Hakkai felt the warmth radiate from his nether regions. He took in a sharp breath. The stretching pain sank into his mind. “You’re hurting me, Gojyo,” Breathlessly whispered from Hakkai’s lips.
“I warned you. Cum for me.” He increased the speed and pressure.
“You’re hurting me,” slid from Hakkai’s lips.
“Cum for me.” Again, he increased the speed and pressure.
“You’re hurting me, Gojyo!” Hakkai’s eyes widened and his back arched.
“You’re cumming.” Gojyo smiled, he knew Hakkai was right on the edge.
“You’re hurting me!”
“You’re cumming.” Gojyo stopped increasing the pressure behind his knuckles and focused on stroking Hakkai. He remembered when he was in this position. The person he was with grossly misjudged his sexual response. It hurt like hell. He was bound and determined not to do that to Hakkai.
“You’re hurt---!” Hakkai yelled and his back flew from the mattress. As he crashed back down, he yelled, “Oh my GOD!” His stomach quivered, his thighs quaked, his hips rocked, his face clenched up and he exploded.
Gojyo purred, “You came.”
Hakkai’s chest heaved and his head pushed back into the pillow as he rolled from the euphoria of orgasm.
Gojyo smiled, He didn’t say my name. The game continues. Gojyo released Hakkai’s cock as it twitched. He reached beside him and grabbed the lube. He put a ribbon on his fingers and rubbed it on his member. The cool slickness threatened to throw him into orgasm, but he suppressed the response.
He put his hands on the mattress next to Hakkai’s hips and slid them up to Hakkai’s shoulders. He leaned over Hakkai, supporting his weight on his hands and knees. Crimson dove into half-lidded emerald. His voice took on a tone of chastisement, “I can’t believe you would call to Homura at a time like this.”
Hakkai’s eyes popped open and he yelped, “What?”
Gojyo stepped from the game role and his voice took on a softness that Hakkai hadn’t yet heard during this scene, “Remember…just relax and hang on.”
Hakkai’s body relaxed and he wondered, Hang on to what? His fingers tightened around the cloth restraints. His hands ached for want of Gojyo’s arms and shoulders. He felt familiar stirrings in his loins and wondered how and why his sexual response had reset so quickly.
Gojyo smiled as he watched Hakkai’s subtle body signals. He knew the Pavlovian response he wanted to that sentence was beginning to set in on Hakkai. His toy was truly becoming his.
Gojyo‘s voice shifted back into the mock-firmness, “Tsk….tsk. Homura…really. All this time I thought I was pleasuring you. I want --- no, I need --- to hear you say something.”
Hakkai’s eyes narrowed. “What?” The word rolled from his lips his register dropping toward the end of the drawn out word. He knew his lover was up to something.
Gojyo whispered to Hakkai.
Hakkai blushed. “I can’t say that.” His head turned to the side.
“Yes, you can.”
“No, I can’t say that.”
“They are letters that make words. They are simple symbols. Yes, you can.”
Hakkai closed his eyes.
“Say it, for me…please.” Gojyo adjusted his hips and placed the slick head of his cock against Hakkai’s personal threshold. Gojyo was leading this game and he wasn‘t going to have insubordination from his toy. He was not going to plead for what he wanted. His voice deepened and took on a demanding tone, “Say it.”
Hakkai whispered something inaudibly.
“I didn’t hear you. Say it again.”
Hakkai took in a deep breath. He squeezed his eyes shut. Blood filled his cheeks as his face burned in a blush. He barely whispered, “Fuck me, Gojyo.”
Gojyo firmly pressed into Hakkai, slowly inching in. “Say it again, louder.”
The words caught in Hakkai’s throat. He pushed them out. “Fuck me, Gojyo.”
Gojyo purred, “For you, anything.” He gripped Hakkai’s hips and began the first back stroke. “Say it again.” He punctuated his request with a buck.
Hakkai’s breath hitched, but he managed to get the words out, “Fuck me, Gojyo.”
Gojyo pushed and pulled on Hakkai’s hips. “Look at me when you say it.”
Hakkai barely got his face turned and pried open his eyes.
“Say it.” Gojyo bucked roughly into Hakkai.
“Oh dear g ---” Hakkai cut himself off. He dove into crimson eyes. His voice took on a degree of confidence, “Fuck …me….Gojyo.” Hakkai’s dick was now fully reanimated.
Gojyo smiled for he knew Hakkai’s shell was completely broken. “Gladly.” Gojyo hooked his arms under Hakkai’s knees, drew his legs up and sandwiched Hakkai’s firm member betwixt their flesh Gojyo gripped Hakkai’s shoulders for leverage and began to fuck Hakkai in earnest.
Hakkai rocked on the bed. His world spun and jarred around him. The shadows from the flickering candlelight danced in his vision. His teeth clattered together. Being folded nearly in half forced him to take sharp breaths on the back stroke.
Gojyo’s hair bounced around his face. His body weight slammed into Hakkai. The headboard threatened to break. How far have you stepped from that shell? “How do you want me to fuck you?”
Hakkai closed his eyes the word slid from his lips, “Hard.”
Gojyo smiled, “And?”
Hakkai opened his eyes and pierced Gojyo’s crimson gaze, “Fast.”
Gojyo’s sultry smile and crimson eyes danced in Hakkai’s field of vision. “Oh my…you have gotten nasty.” Butterflies danced and darted around inside Gojyo as he realized he was the only person honored enough -- close enough --- to see Hakkai let go of his pent-up public face.
Hakkai strained against his cloth and flesh binds. His orgasm sprang off the word “nasty” and slammed into him. “Gojyo!“ His eyes slammed shut and he nearly convulsed under Gojyo. Emerald slowly showed itself …nonverbally screaming satisfaction.
Gojyo swam in the happiness of his lover and allowed his orgasm to build. It rose quickly. He tightened his grip on Hakkai’s shoulders. He bucked one last time into Hakkai and exploded. “Hakkai!” As his euphoria rolled from him, he slid his hands from Hakkai’s shoulders and out from under his knees.
Hakkai turned his wrists and the cloth restraints fell from his flesh. He tossed them to the floor.
Gojyo felt Hakkai’s legs slide down the outside of his legs and he relaxed onto Hakkai. Their chests and stomachs heaved against each other as they caught their breath.
He gently kissed Hakkai and Hakkai’s tongue probed Gojyo’s mouth. The kiss broke. He walked gentle kisses across Hakkai’s cheek. He whispered, “Thank you, Hakkai.”
Hakkai wrapped his arms around Gojyo and whispered back, “You’re welcome, Gojyo.”
Gojyo cradled Hakkai’s shoulders and gently nuzzled his neck. “Are you ok?” This was the part that had Gojyo nervous: the aftermath. He knew that he could get Hakkai so wrapped up in the activities that he would most likely let go, but now his rational mind was going to kick in.
Hakkai tightened his hug around Gojyo, “Yes. I never knew the line between pleasure and pain could blur so deliciously.”
Gojyo smiled against Hakkai’s neck. His head swooned in the mix of their scents. “Amazing what you can experience if you open up.” Gojyo lifted his upper body up slightly and softly kissed Hakkai. ”You got two. That’s a goal from here on.” Gojyo smiled softly, “Wait right there, I’ll go get you a towel.” Hypersensitive skin, reactive nipples and multiple orgasmic? I have died and gone to heaven. Little did he know that he really had died and left heaven. And sometimes, little bits of heaven came to visit him.
Hakkai offered Gojyo one of his rare genuine smiles.
Gojyo slowly removed himself from Hakkai’s depths. Hakkai offered a soft whimper in protest to the distance.
As Gojyo stood, Hakkai’s arms crossed over his chest. His mind raced over the evening events and he felt utterly embarrassed. He tried to hide in his own flesh. He’d even gone so far as to use that word.
Gojyo turned with the towel in his hand. He dashed over to the side of the bed and knelt next to Hakkai. “Woah…woah…I thought you said you were ok.”
Hakkai said something that was muffled by his hands.
Gojyo wrapped one hand around Hakkai’s shoulders and pressed him into his chest. He gently wiped Hakkai clean with the towel. “Talk to me….tell me what’s going on.”
Gojyo tossed the towel to the side as Hakkai drew his knees up. “Emerald, did I hurt you?”
Hakkai shook his head ‘no’ and tightened his own grip around his own chest. Hakkai wanted to shove Gojyo away and wrap the bedspread around him. He wanted to hide in the cloth, in his flesh, in the candlelit darkness of the room, in his mind, in --anywhere he could. He wanted to forget that he’d ever been so brazen. He wanted to forget ---- I told you we aren’t gay.
Hakkai trembled and Gojyo tightened his hug around him. Gojyo spoke in a soft whisper, “Talk to me, Emerald.”
Timid tiny words escaped the flesh ball of Hakkai, “I feel so…”
Gojyo felt his heart sink. Please don’t say it. Not the --”v” word. A hole began to form in his chest and a pit in his stomach went solid, as he began to think his sexual expression had become a tool of violence…a weapon. He worried that he’d violated Hakkai. He was sure he’d pushed to hard. He was positive he’d introduced kink way to early for Hakkai. Damn his own sexual fluidity!
Hakkai continued his small statement after a tense breath of courage, “Confused.” He was confused; he was also embarrassed. He was too embarrassed to say he was embarrassed. I can’t believe I enjoyed that. I enjoyed pain….how sick am I?
Gojyo relaxed, slightly. Gojyo had been on the giving and receiving end of all sorts of sexual games. He had never been, nor did he ever want to be, a perpetrator. For Gojyo, sexuality was a beautiful form of communication and a way to hide from his own pain, it was never a weapon. He kissed the top of Hakkai’s head, “About what?”
Hakkai’s fingers separated and an emerald eye peeked out seeking the comfortable embrace of crimson, “I’m not gay.”
Crimson didn’t disappoint emerald. Crimson embraced and comforted emerald in the only way crimson knew how -- humor. “Do I need to point out the irony of that statement?” Gojyo smiled. He shifted his position and curled up behind Hakkai on the bed, “You are after all naked in bed with another naked man.”
Hakkai rolled over and curled into Gojyo, “That’s the point. I don’t …” He nearly said ‘like this’ , but that was a lie. He more than ‘liked this’, he loved this. He loved Gojyo’s company. He loved feeling Gojyo breathe next to him. He loved letting go under Gojyo’s touch. He loved hearing Gojyo’s voice. He loved everything from a simple game of cards to fabulous sexual encounters. Most of all, he loved being able to forget. Great, now I’m using him.
Gojyo patted Hakkai’s shoulder, “You don’t what?” Gojyo knew exactly where this conversation was going, but for Hakkai’s own sake Hakkai needed to say it. Gojyo knew that Hakkai needed to confront the confusion. Hakkai needed to voice his own concerns. Gojyo knew, because he was in the same place too many years ago to count.
Hakkai slowly unwrapped his arms from around his own chest and drew Gojyo into him, “I don’t know. I -I don’t think this is right for you.”
Gojyo chuckled, “For me? Hakkai let me into your world, because it is damn confusing out here.”
Hakkai pressed his forehead into Gojyo’s shoulder, “It’s damn confusing in here.” Great, now I’m cussing for parallelism…I have been around these three too long. I’m changing, who am I? Identity crisis was becoming a way too familiar friend.
Gojyo slid a hand to Hakkai’s chin and tilted his head up. Gojyo tilted his head down and crimson caressed emerald, “I am here for you. I will always be here for you. There is nothing you can say, nothing you can do, nothing you can ask of me sexual or otherwise that will change my opinion of you. You are safe here…to be you.”
Hakkai blinked. Gojyo smiled.
“Even if you aren‘t sure who that ‘you‘ is.” Gojyo winked at Hakkai.
Hakkai unfurled his legs and pushed himself into Gojyo. “I just need some time to sort all this out.”
“I understand. For now, look me in the eyes and tell me this isn’t right.” Gojyo loved the fact that as Hakkai was verbally opening up, he was also physically opening up to him. He wanted nothing more than be a safe harbor for Hakkai. The ship was coming in and the harbor master was elated. He loved being what Hakkai needed and he’d never betray that trust that he’d spent too long trying to build. He knew the smaller man had been hurt repeatedly through his life, by those he loved the most -- rather-- by their abrupt absence. He knew how difficult this was for Hakkai and he also know how much Hakkai needed this. Of course, he needed it to. Maybe, it was more like two damaged ships going to each other for salvage rights. Together they could make a whole --- a viable whole.
Hakkai slowly blinked. Emerald dove into crimson. Crimson embraced emerald. “I can’t.”
Gojyo chuckled, “I didn’t think so. C’mon, let’s get some sleep.” Gojyo slid his body from around Hakkai’s and rolled off the bed. He turned the blankets and sheet down. He slid between the sheets. Hakkai blew out the candles and joined Gojyo.
Gojyo laid on his back; Hakkai on his side. Hakkai rested his head on Gojyo’s shoulder. Hakkai draped an arm over Gojyo’s stomach and Gojyo wrapped an arm around Hakkai’s shoulders. They drifted off to sleep.
Sometime during the night, they’d shifted positions. Hakkai was laying on his side facing away from Gojyo. Gojyo was curled up behind Hakkai. Gojyo had an arm around Hakkai’s waist. Hakkai’s eyes popped open. He slowly wrapped his fingers around Gojyo’s wrist and lifted Gojyo’s arm from his waist. Hakkai felt resistance from Gojyo.
“Not tonight.” Softly escaped Gojyo’s lips.
Hakkai craned his neck trying to see Gojyo’s face and Gojyo’s eyes were still closed. He tried to lift Gojyo’s arm again.
Gojyo wrapped his arm tightly around Hakkai’s waist. “No need. We’re suppose to be sharing tonight. I want you with me.” I need you with me.
Hakkai smiled. “I --uh-- need to use the facilities.” He lied.
Gojyo slowly opened his eyes and chuckled. He lifted his arm, “Sure.” He knew Hakkai lied. One day he’d learn, to just let it be when Hakkai needed distance.
Hakkai stood from the bed and felt around in the dark for his clothes. He dressed, kissed Gojyo on the cheek and slowly walked from the room. He had planned on going for a walk --- to walk , to think , to sort. His own body betrayed him. No sooner did the door click behind him, did his stomach flip and seize.
Gojyo sat up in the bed, ran a hand through his hair and swung his legs to the side of the mattress. He felt around for his boxers and sat down in the chair next to Hakuryuu. He lit a cigarette and shrugged at Hakuryuu, “Wanna take bets on how many Hakkai’s are in that noggin?”
Hakuryuu peeped and laid his head back down. Too many to count.
“I swear, Parrot, sometimes I think you actually understand us.”
I see you still don‘t know how to address a superior officer. Hakuryuu sighed, I suppose the rumors were true about you two. Hakuryuu peeped.
“Did you just chuckle?” Did I just say that out loud like I expected him to answer? Gojyo shook his head softly and finished his cigarette. He felt around for his spare clothes. He knew he wasn’t getting back to sleep tonight.
Hakkai supported his body weight on his hands that gripped the cold porcelain sink. He looked at himself in the mirror. How pitiful is that, I couldn’t even make it to the toilet. He turned on the water to wash away the spittle left in the sink and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
Nothing good will come of this.
I keep telling you we aren’t gay.
What do you know? That is what I call fun.
Let me out.
Women. Round hips , soft lips, firm breasts. Women.
Ahh women. Beautiful, soft and wonderful, but nothing compared to Ken--- Gojyo.
We will end up hurt.
I’m still here.
How could you do this to Kanan?
Hakkai gripped the sink and offered an unproductive retch.
Now, look at what you’ve done.
Everyone we care for gets hurt.
I’ll always be here hiding -- waiting.
Being miserable won’t bring her back.
Replacing her is shameful.
Hakkai retched again.
We aren’t replacing her.
Mom and Dad got hurt.
If we aren’t replacing her then what are we doing?
Kanan got hurt.
We are living.
Gojyo will probably get hurt too; then, we will hurt.
This is life; we are living it. You have to have faith young one.
My faith was stolen from me and you are a fool. Trust no one. Let no one in.
Always here, in the shadows.
Hakkai scooped some water into his mouth. He swished it around and spat it into the sink. “Doesn’t anyone care what I think?”
This is what you think.
“I think I want a shower.” Hakkai grabbed a towel from the rack and stepped to one of the shower stalls. He pulled the curtain back and stepped into it. He took his clothes off and placed them on the shelf that was out of the water arc. He heard the outer door open. He pulled his curtain closed and turned on the water. He grabbed the courtesy soap and began to bathe.
Gojyo grabbed a towel and stepped into a shower stall.
Gojyo wadded his clothes up on the shelf and saw the inn’s excuse for supplies. Always bring your own. Too late now, shit. He begrudgingly grabbed the shampoo and his mind raced about what this crap was going to do to his hair.
Hakkai rinsed the soap from his body and grabbed the shampoo. He lathered his hair.
Gojyo rinsed the shampoo from his hair and felt it immediately begin to tangle. Damn it. I’m not using that crappy-ass conditioner. Good thing I have a leave-in. He grabbed the soap.
Hakkai turned his body as he worked the conditioner to the ends of his longer locks. He stood with his back to the curtain.
Gojyo rinsed the soap from his body and turned off his water. He heard the outer door open.
Hakkai felt a finger run up the back of his thigh and over the curve of his ass. He gasped, jumped and whipped around in enough time to see the corner of Sanzo’s robe go past the gap between his curtain and the shower stall.
Gojyo heard Hakkai gasp and stepped from the shower just after Sanzo’s hand was beyond the point of self-incrimination. He watched the motion of Sanzo’s robes. He noted the motion of shower curtain. That twisted son of a bitch. He grabbed his clothes from the shelf in the shower and pulled on his boxers. As he walked in front of Hakkai’s shower, he looked between the curtain and side of the stall. He saw Hakkai curling around himself, pressing his body against the side of the shower.
Hakkai’s hands gripped his shoulders, the cold tile pressed against his forehead, and the water cascaded down his back. His knees turned slightly toward each other and even his feet tried to find a place to disappear beneath each other.
Gojyo slammed his clothes down on the slotted wooden bench and sat down. He tried to nonchalantly dry his feet. “So, Sanzo. Seen Hakkai this morning?”
Hakkai’s eyes popped open at the sound of Gojyo’s voice. If Gojyo was here, then he was safe, right? Sanzo wouldn’t actually do something in front of Gojyo, right? But, what if he did? What if Sanzo did and Gojyo thought it wasn’t one-sided? What then?
Sanzo grabbed a towel ,”Didn’t you sleep with him last night? I got shafted with the Monkey, remember.”
Gojyo pulled on his tank top. “He wasn’t in the room when I woke up. I was just wondering if you saw him.”
“I’m not his keeper.” Sanzo stepped clothed into his shower, he would undress in privacy, as much privacy as this pissant inn offered.
Hakkai worried his lip as he peered past the curtain. Gojyo looked up and caught a flash of emerald. He stood to finish dressing. He buckled his pants and sat back down. Now, I know why I seem to take two steps back with every step forward. Gojyo made a mental note to pull Sanzo aside and possibly beat the shit out of him.
Hakkai turned off his water and swallowed, “I’m here.”
Gojyo smiled, “I’ll wait for you. We’ll walk down and get breakfast together.”
Hakkai relaxed slightly as he dried himself off inside the shower stall. “I won’t be long.” Oh thank god! There was no way he would be able to be naked in the same room with Sanzo, without his crimson harbor. Or was that his crimson salvage?
Goku walked into the shower room as Hakkai stepped fully clothed ,minus his shoes, from his stall.
Goku yawned, “Anyone seen Sanzo?”
Gojyo pointed at the Sanzo’s shower stall.
“Oh.” Goku grabbed a towel and began to drop his clothes outside of a shower stall.
Gojyo and Hakkai left the shower room.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Relax and Hang on IIIA --- Traveling after.
Hakkai seemed off the entire time they were traveling. He was extremely quiet, responding verbally only when absolutely necessary. When he did respond, it was with short, simple, one or two word answers. He pressed himself against the side of the jeep, trying to get as much space between himself and Sanzo as possible. He was withdrawing from the group verbally, physically and emotionally.
Gojyo steamed while watching the change over his friend. He couldn’t believe Sanzo could be so predatory. It wasn’t like him. He might kill when attacked, he might pop them with the fan, he might even use words to cut open a vein or two, but he had never done something to eat away at one of their own. Sanzo seemed to like Hakkai. Hell, he intervened on Hakkai’s behalf back when the they first met. This was not like him at all. The realization sank into Gojyo, Sanzo, doesn’t realize what he’s doing. This is probably a joke to him. Sanzo joke…no way….well maybe. Then again, maybe I didn’t see--- what-the-fuck-ever. I know what I saw and I know what it damn well meant. Now, I know why he doesn’t want Sanzo to know. God damn it! How can I fix this? Gojyo grew quiet as the hum of the road helped him think and plan.
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