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Separation Anxiety	By : KiraDouji Category: +. to F > Card Captor Sakura Views: 2464 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Card Captor Sakura, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Time
- 2-Suffering
- 3-Break
- 4-Static
- 1
- 2
- 3
DISCLAIMER: Kind of obvious, BUT, I don't know own the rights to these characters, the show or anything remotely similar to either mentioned above.

Separation Anxiety

Chapter Two: Suffering

�Pain
is inevitable; suffering is optional..�

- Unknown

Why does it feel like night today?

Something in here�s not right today

Why am I so uptight today?

Paranoia�s all I got left

I guess I shouldn�t complain about my situation,
or rather, I never thought I should. I always knew I wasn�t like everyone else,
but it never really mattered to me. Everyone was supposed to be different,
right? But at the same time, I knew that my grandmother and grandfather weren�t
really mine, weren�t really there. Just like knowing that the difference
between me and everyone else wasn�t just the difference between people. I
remember asking Touya once, about my other half. He had looked mildly
surprised, but I guess it�s only natural to question what another part of you
is like, right? That�s what To-ya-kun said.

I never was prepared
for him to be so different: his appearance, his stature, his demeanor, his
speech. It was all� so opposite. It�s odd now, to think that he�s sitting in
the back of my mind, watching everything I do. He�s probably even listening to
my thoughts on him now, but it doesn�t bother me. Go ahead; after all, it was
your body first, wasn�t it? I am not really sure how I know that, like so many
other things. But then, I really don�t think about this all too often. That
doesn�t mean I can�t hear you though; like how you react to To-ya�s touches.
You don�t have to be afraid, Yue, he loves you too.

Or maybe, that�s
what you�re afraid of, ne? You�re afraid of loving and I�m not? Does that mean
I am supposed to be your opposite? I don�t think that I am; I believe we have
more in common than you think. I wish you wouldn�t hide from me, or everyone
else. You aren�t as cold as Touya says, I know because such a cold person
wouldn�t be afraid to love. What happened to you? You don�t have to tell me; I
never liked inconveniencing people, I hope you know that, Yue-san.

That�s why I don�t
mind ending up somewhere, and not remembering how I got there. Now I know that
it�s because of you, so it doesn�t confuse me, and I have no reason to be
upset. To-ya told me that you promised to watch out for your welfare as well as
Sakura�s, but you probably think he just means my welfare. It makes me wonder
how people can see you as un-caring, promising to watch out for me like you do.
I know you don�t have to, and I�m thankful that you let me live with To-ya,
Yue-san. Please don�t keep so closed off, though, it won�t help you.

I�ve begun to feel
you in the back of my mind, and your reactions to things. I don�t know how or
why, but it is comforting to know you�re there. I don�t know how you think of
me, but I hope it�s not in anger.

I don�t know what stressed me first

Or how the pressure was feed/but

I know just what it feels like

To have a voice in the back of my head

My opposite, maybe,
but that�s what Kereberos was supposed to be, and how my master was to me; how
can one being have three opposites? How you can even sense me at all is beyond
my reasoning, I would laugh now were it physically possible while I lie dormant
in your mind: why am I even talking to you if you�ll hear none of it? It
doesn�t matter though, not anymore, I have been empty for far too long, and you
will continue to overflow for as long as you live. However long that is, I
haven�t a clue.

It�s interesting to
think about, actually, how distant two beings can be while they are so close
together. But you are not distant enough to be my opposite, Yukito, not near
distant enough. I am still jaded from my past, my life before I was sent to the
book. I am still too weak and too lost to come back yet. This is far more than
I would say even to my mistress, so it�s just as well that you cannot hear me.
I have heard of and observed a human�s need for companionship and a human�s
need for release. It can be dangerous to let feelings sit within you and fester
instead of letting them out slowly they come out in a tumult of chaos that
serves only to worsen things. Again I find myself wondering if things would
have been easier were I human.

I would never have
lived as long as I have� but then, you survived, so maybe I would have. Though,
I question my abilities to perform as Clow wanted me to, were I human. No use
thinking about things that never could have and never will happen, though I
find little else that will take me from grief very long. You think me closed
off, but if that were so I don�t think I should know the meaning of the word
�open�. Being subtle is in my nature, I suppose that is why my master was the
only one to touch me that deeply; the only one who could understand me.

I�m sure Kereberos
understands to an extent, that lion continues to surprise me. I was made to
balance him, but sometimes I wonder if it wasn�t the other way around. After
all, not all things can go by design. This makes me question, again, the fusion
of us. If we are as close as we are supposed to be, why is it that you cannot
see my thoughts or my movements when I can see yours? There is no spell in
place for that� so is it me? Am I keeping these thoughts away from you? If I
am, I assume I do so not to spare you, but to keep something that is mine alone.

If you heard me
speak, I wonder if you would still consider me as you do now. I do care for you
far more than I do myself, but sometimes I wish� Ah, but wishing is for the
stars, not the moon.

It�s like a face that I hold inside

A face that awakes when I close my eyes

A face that watches every time I lie

A face that laughs every time I fall

�Still, I worry about him, Soya,�
Adzuki continued, speaking as the thoughts came to his mind, �I don�t think he
yet understands all that he does.�

�He�s not a child anymore,� Soya
answered the man sitting on a low branch a few feet from her.

�He�ll always be a child to me,
Soya dear,� he answered with a smirk, and brought his right foot up to sit on
the branch with him. The movement caused his dark blue overcoat to slip away
and reveal loose black pants bunched slightly at the knee where the silver of
his shin guards stopped to allow movement. �No matter how old he gets, I�ll
look after him. Perhaps I�m just getting soft in my old age.�

�Perhaps,� The druid answered
with a light laugh. Her plain, light brown and dark green dress shifted around
her body as she leaned back against the tree that the branch she sat on was
attached to. �But I do not think that is so, Clow does that to anyone regardless
of age or occupation. Doubtless, you have seen this.�

It was Adzuki�s turn to chuckle,
making the flesh at his temples crinkle into familiar patterns that tugged at
the grey streaks of hair that flew through his otherwise black hair from his
temples. �So I have, so I have, as much could be said about anyone who not only
befriended Saizu, but also kept him under control.�

Soya�s eyes sparkled less at the
mentioning of the warrior. �Perhaps physically hold him back, but not enough to
keep damage from occurring-�

�You speak of Clow�s Moon
Shadow,� the old sorcerer interrupted with a pointed look, �and that is exactly
what I was talking about.�

�You are almost as subtle as
that white bird, then, if I am to grasp your implications,� Soya answered candidly,
winking at her friend.

�And
what would those implications be, fair lady?�

Sitting up straight once more,
the druid held an arm out for her falcon friend and petted it softly so she
could think straighter. It was a habit Adzuki had noticed of all his Druid
friends, and thus did not speak out against the delay. �That Clow�s creation of
guardians was not for the reasons he gives, but for others that he will not
admit to himself. Is that really dangerous to him, though?�

�You almost have it, and yet
what you have said is dangerous by itself, dear Soya, can�t you see that?�
Adzuki replied, laying a hand on his right knee, and leaning against the tree
he sat on so that he may look at the night sky. �Although he created both
guardians on a well known, thoroughly debated, old, and yet effective and true
premise, if he does not know his true reasons for doing such it will be
disaster both for him and them now, and in this future that he sees for himself
and others. This much is still clear to me, though other things may not be.�

�You speak as his father once
did, Adzuki,� Soya answered in a soft voice. She sighed and let the falcon go
free again, watching it take flight into the night sky. �The moon is waning
tonight, much as our age is, beloved friend. Perhaps it is an omen of the ill
fortune you see. Yet, my people have long watched the moon, and long served
this nature, and I feel nothing of ill traveling through my veins. I do,
however, feel a change that can be ill for people such as us. The age of magic
is coming to an end, and an age of science begins. What Clow wishes to save is
not the magic itself, but its knowledge and logic, so that our descendants may
not be lost in currents of a time and place that they do not understand.�

�And to do so, he needed someone
or two persons to guide those that are to come,� Adzuki murmured thoughtfully,
and dropped his gaze from the sky once more.
�It fits, and yet, I still wonder if he really knows� His guardians are
very different, Soya, why have one with the form of a lion and the other the
form of an angel if they are but truly guardians and guides?�

�Perhaps that is a question best
asked of their creator,� she winked and stood from her resting place.

�What are you up to, Soya? You
have that look of mischief in your eyes,� Adzuki spoke, smiling, and rose from
his spot with her.

�As you said, grown though his
is, a child he remains� and a child must always heed the call of an adult they
respect,� she said gaily as she took a stick from the ground and drew an image
on to the forest floor.

�A summoning circle, Soya?�
Adzuki laughed softly, �Clow will be very surprised to be summoned as a beast
or demon.�

�Let him be, he needs to
experience more than his own magic,� Soya spoke crisply, but not without mirth.
Without further conversation she held her hands out in front of her and spoke
an incantation of a language long ago lost. Little straining that concentration
in less than the minute it took, Clow stood within the circle blinking like a
blind man given vision for the first time. However, Adzuki and Soya were not to
be spared a similar amount of surprise when both guardians appeared as well,
instantly moving defensively around their master.

There was a pause after the
magic dissipated that was broken the moment Kereberos saw Soya. �You!� he
yelped gleefully, while he pounced her to the ground.

She laughed and fell on her
butt, trying her best to control the overly joyful greeting of the sun
creature. �Yes, it�s me, Kero-chan,� Soya laughed as she pushed the great cat
back enough for her to stand again.

Despite the tension suddenly
breaking, Yue didn�t move from where he stood between Clow and Adzuki. After
getting over his initial shock, the magician chuckled softly, and addressed his
sorcerer friend. �This was Soya�s idea, I take it?�

�As always,� Adzuki replied,
glancing about at those gathered, �although, she only meant to summon you, and
not your guardians as well.�

�Well, it was definitely a new
experience,� Clow Reed answered, a smile still on his face as his laid a
calming hand on Yue�s arm. �It�s okay, Yue, they�re just having fun with me.�

Yue frowned but nodded and moved
a bit forward to answer Adzuki�s unasked question. �We are bound to our master,
Adzuki-san; after all, what�s the point of creating guardians if they cannot be
there to protect you?�

�Good point, good point,� Adzuki
raised his hands in yet another calming gesture while Kero trotted back to the
group with Soya at his side. Apparently, the moon creature was not as happy
when it came to suddenly popping up in the forest in the middle of the night,
among friends, as the sun creature was.

�I�m glad it was a new
experience, I thought you could use one,� Soya laughed, and waved Clow to one
of the low branches they had been using as chairs. �Come, we wished to talk
with you�� she trailed off at the end, glancing at the other two creatures
present.

�Alone,� Adzuki finished in a
tone that said they would not talk otherwise.

Clow looked long at his friends,
and then softly told Yue and Kereberos to return home. The large feline thumped
his tail and pouted, �Aw, we never get to stay for the interesting stuff!� He
turned and went back to the summoning circle, heading home the moment he was
fully inside.

Yue was less pleased with this turn
of events, and gave Clow a look that said as much. �Master,� he began, but a
hand gesture from Clow caused the moon creature to instantly cut himself off.

�Yue, leave me, you know I face
no danger from Soya and Adzuki,� Clow�s voice has cool and crisp, but he smiled
softly to try and take some of the bite from his words. His creation�s face
went completely blank, though he could feel some emotions warring within him,
and Clow would have spoken again had Yue not stepped back, bowed once, and
disappeared. Since he had not used the summoning circle, Clow assumed Yue had
gone back to his own room. The magician frowned and turned back to his friends,
taking a seat between them. �Sorry that took longer than expected,� he let the
frown drop away, and smiled at Soya, �next time, though, it would be easier to
just ask me to come.�

Soya and Adzuki shared a glance
that caused Adzuki to sigh and lean back into his previous seat. �Yes, next
time,� Adzuki finally answered.

Clow looked between his friends,
and grew serious the longer he sat on the tree branch. �What is it you wanted
to talk about?� he asked eventually.

�Truly?� Adzuki spoke lightly
from Clow�s left, and almost chuckled as he continued, �The two creatures that
just left.�

�But I have already shown you
all I can about how they came about,� Clow began, but was cut off by Soya.

�No, my dear Clow, those secrets
belong to you and your father, none of us could follow your instructions
anyway,� she said, while shifting so she leaned on her left elbow and looked at
the magician. �We wished to speak of the why, not the how.�

�Indeed, we wondered if you knew
the why enough to speak of it,� Adzuki continued.

�I have already told you,�
again, Clow was cut off.

�No, you gave us an answer that
was both tactful and plausible, but you did not give us the real answer,� Soya
replied.

�Then you will have to rephrase
your question, because I do not think I understand what you are asking,� Clow
answered, looking from Soya to Adzuki with a light gaze backed by heavy
thoughts.

�Why have you made one guardian
as a beast from the nature around us, and another as an angel from the heavens
above us?� Adzuki clarified in a quiet, but firm voice that was indeed like a
father�s.

�Because I created them to be
opposite,� the magician started, only to realize that he was not going to be
allowed to finish much of what he said.

�So man and beast are
opposites?� Soya interrupted again.

�Why did you need one to be as
you are?� Adzuki�s low voice rumbled softly.

This time, Clow Reed did not
answer straight away and gazed up through the branches above him to the starry
not. �Because, though both were made as guardians and guides I needed both for
companionship after she died,� he sounded strained, almost as if saying such
words was physically hard for him.

�You could get companionship
from a domestic cat, or bird or dog, but you did not want the company of a pet,
or indeed, that is what you would have made,� the druid answered, laying a
reassuring hand on Clow�s forearm.

He looked down from the sky, a
deep sadness showing in his eyes, but did not speak. Instead, the sorcerer
said, �Usually one finds the companionship of a friend from traveling and
meeting many people, like you met us, and I can think of no one else who knows
as many creatures human and not, than you.�

�That may be true, Adzuki-san,
but I have found what I needed in both Kereberos and Yue, and I have also been
able to prepare for my daughter and my son with those same guardians. I can think
of no others that would fill both spots.� Clow answered, turning defensive eyes
to Adzuki.

�Friends do not answer every
beck and call you have, nor do they anticipate your needs and find ways to meet
those needs before you even speak. Indeed they do make you feel better when you
are down, and are always there when you need them, but they do not serve you,
and they are not dependant upon you,� Soya replied gently.

�What are they dependant on me
for?� Clow asked in return, �I gave the power and personality of the sun to
Kereberos, and the power and personality of the moon to Yue,� again he was cut
off, but this time by Adzuki.

�But the moon is inherently
dependant on the sun for its light to shine, and though it may determine the
change in tides, nature, and have its own life and magic, it depends on the
earth to stay the moon and not float away. When the sun falls behind the earth,
the moon is thrown into darkness and cannot be seen. And when the moon stays
between the earth and the sun, it is rimmed by a fiery halo and changes so that
it will not be changed back.�

�You are upset, then, that I
made Yue too dependant?� Clow questioned, looking at both once more.

�No, for it is human nature to
be so dependant,� Adzuki spoke casually.

��Human�� Clow Reed looked very
much like the shocked young boy that Adzuki saw him as.

�Will you say now, why you
created him to be as you are?� Soya asked again.

�I needed close friends after
she died,� the magician began slowly, and looked to the sky again, �but what I
really needed was someone who needed me, so I could grow strong again. I needed
someone to just understand, and not pity me. That�s why I created them, as
friends, Kereberos for my wilder side that seeks activity, warmth and
unyielding joy, and Yue for my contemplative, stationary and sad side that
sought only my memories.�

�But a simple friend would not
look at you that way,� Soya pushed.

�And a friend would tell you
when they were upset with something you have said or done, or stop being as
friendly,� the sorcerer added kindly.

(And watches everything)

Clow reappeared in his manor a
few hours after he had been summoned to the forest. He was met by his sun
guardian, who gazed up at him from the floor where his head lay on his front
paws. �That was a long talk,� he yawned.

The thoughtful, almost sad
expression on Clow�s face faded somewhat, as he knelt down and scratched
Kereberos behind the ears. �Longer than you know.�

�I�m sure I can guess,� the
feline laughed and leaned into the pleasant touch.

�And you, I�m sure, had a
wonderful night instead of getting any work done,� the magician said jovially,
while starting to stand again.

�I,� Kereberos began, rising as
well as stressing the word, �cleaned the library, the sitting room, the
kitchen, cleaned up your experiment, and put away your notes.�

This information startled Clow
somewhat, and he looked down at his creation, �Well then, have you and Yue
switched minds and not told me?�

It was meant as a joke but,
oddly, the large feline didn�t laugh, and just thumped his tail on the floor.
�No, though I sometimes think that would be a good idea, so I could smack some
sense into it.�

His master arched an eyebrow as
the statement came out with no mirth in it at all. �What do you mean?� Clow
questioned tiredly; it had been a long night.

�He�s probably still in his
room, I haven�t seen him all night, and he wouldn�t answer when I talked
through his door. And he�s not just being arrogant this time, he�s upset over
something you did,� Kero answered bluntly, and looked up at his master.

Sighing, the magician turned
towards the hallway. �He must think he did something wrong again,� he would
have said more, but it seemed that everyone was going to cut him off that
night.

�No. I think he knows that he
has done nothing wrong, and you�re still treating him as if he has. I�m not
blind,� he growled irritatedly, but was also cut off.

�If it was that, then he would
have said something,� Clow answered, and turned for the hallway again.

�Will you listen?� Kereberos yelled,
and latched onto his master�s hand with his teeth, dragging the shocked man
back into the living room. He let go, and looked up, �I�m worried about him
because he won�t say anything! He doesn�t know how to be upset with you! I tell you
when I�m upset, mad, or just plain irritated because I know you want to know
when something is wrong. And I�m carefree enough not to worry about what I say
to the point of it hurting you even slightly! Yue�s not like that, and he
doesn�t know how to deal with it! Think, Clow, when have I ever worried about him before? Don�t you
think that it would take a lot for me to just worry, let alone get mad at you
for it?�

So I know that when it�s time to sink or swim

That the face inside is hearing me/ right underneath my
skin

Darkness
that wasn�t really black and a kaleidoscope of colors that wasn�t really light
surrounded him. He wasn�t really floating, just sitting, or standing, maybe
lying down, there was no real sense of direction to tell and no touch to tell
whether his knees where bent, or if there was a floor. It wasn�t
disorientating, though, because he couldn�t see or feel any of it. It was like
falling into a light sleep on a water bed, and knowing that you were asleep,
but not being able to identify what position you were in, or even the room, and
not having the willpower to wake up and find out.

Yukito
shifted under the covers and unconsciously moved closer to Touya as he
continued to remember those few times that he had been forced to the back of
Yue�s mind. He drew in a quick breath, as some images he didn�t recognize spun
in his mind, and he felt another�s shock at the leakage of memories between
them. He rolled over, dragging the sheets with him, and rousing the body next
to him from slumber.

�Yukito?�
Touya groaned tiredly, and opened his eyes. He looked to his left, and seeing
Yukito twist and turn so much, he put a hand on his lover�s shoulder. �Yukito,
wake up,� he said gruffly, and shook his shoulder.

But
Yukito just rolled over and curled up more, giving a moan of struggle. Worried,
Touya sat up, now fully awake, and pulled on Yukito�s upper arm, then shook him
again, but his lover just fell deeper into the dreams. �Yukito!� he tried
calling out again, �Yukito wake up!� Before he had a chance to react, white
light covered his vision.

It�s like I�m/ Paranoid lookin� over my back

It�s like a/ Whirlwind inside my head

It�s like I/ Can�t stop what I�m hearing within

It�s like the face inside is right beneath my skin

Something
was wrong� Yukito was reacting to the images he was remembering. Yue did the mental equivalent of blinking in
shock and realized that Yukito reacted to that
too. Something was happening, and Yue couldn�t stop it. He tried not to panic,
but he was quickly drowning in thoughts and emotions that came out of know
where, and threw his mind and soul at odds with Yukito�s. The result was an
unplanned battle for dominancy. Before he knew what was happening, Yue opened
his eyes and sat bolt upright in bed, panting from exertion, with a cold sweat
making his long hair stick to his back and neck.

Again,
the thought that something wasn�t right rang through his mind a moment before
realization hit him. He was cold, and he could feel his hair against the skin
of his back� which meant� his eyes widened, and he looked around frantically.

�Yue!�
Touya�s shocked voice came from his right, even as Yue turned to look at him.
The look on Touya�s face was clearly one of worry and a little bit of
hesitation. �What,� he started, but Yue started talking at the same time.

�I
don�t know what happened,� the moon creature�s voice wavered, making his panic
and confusion very evident. Never before had he felt as weak and afraid as he
did then, gripping the sheets hard and shaking from the cold of the night.

Touya
was struck at the emotions the moon creature was showing so openly, he looked
like a frightened bird, and was about as jittery, he found out after he tried
to put his hand on Yue�s shoulder. �Just� Just calm down, Yue-san,� he murmured
softly, trying to think of something to do that didn�t involve touching the
stoic and frightened creature next to him. �If you�re here, then something must
have happened that forced you to take control�� he began to think out loud,
hoping it would cause Yue to fall back into rational trains of thought.

Slowly,
Yue was able to stop his shaking and closed his eyes, drawing in a shuddering
breath. �Yes, Yukito was dreaming, and somehow some of my memories slipped
between us, and I don�t know what happened afterwards� There was shock, and
surprise, then panic�� he couldn�t finish, and trailed off, staring hard at the
wall on the other side of the room.

Tugging
on the covers lightly, Touya pulled them from Yue�s hands in an attempt to get
the moon guardian to relax. �All right, let�s try going over it again, slower
this time, maybe we�ll find something we missed before,� he suggested, speaking
as he would to a scared child.

I know I�ve got a face in me

Points out all my mistakes to me

You�ve got a face on the inside too and

You�re paranoia�s probably worse

Warm
air misted around him as the hot water soothed his chilled body; Yue drew in a
deep breath of the hot, moist air, letting it fill his lungs and relieve his
tension. He let the air escape, and opened his eyes, choosing only to gaze down
at the water he sat in, knowing that he�d only blush and feel dirty the moment
he looked up to find Touya�s pity-filled gaze. It was bad enough that neither
his clothes nor his wings had appeared when he awoke, probably something to do
with Yukito sleeping naked, but he�d had the sheets and blankets before. He
couldn�t even remember how, but Touya had mentioned a bath to warm him up, and
memories of Aemi came back; the next thing he knew, he was sitting in the
bathtub of Yukito�s house that really belonged to both him and Touya now. And
his thoughts were rambling to keep him from realizing that he, not Yukito had walked naked from the main bedroom to the
bathroom.

Not
that it really mattered, because Touya had already seen Yukito naked many times
before, and in a sense saw nothing new, but it was different when Yue was in
charge. He couldn�t even begin to explain it, and thus, tried to put it out of
his mind and just let the bath calm him into rational thinking again.

Touya
watched from the doorway, holding a cup of steaming tea that he�d brought up
for Yue, but the minute he�d entered the room, he�d stopped and just watched.
He felt a little guilty looking at Yue lean against the far wall of the tub and
sigh as he tried to collect himself. Mentally, Touya berated himself, He just went through the shock of his life,
and you�re watching him like a voyeur, that�s got to be helping things.
Narrowing his eyes, the dark haired man forced himself to move forward and
kneel down next to the plain white plastic of the outside of the bathtub.

�Here�s
some tea,� Touya stated quietly, holding the ceramic cup out to the stoic
creature soaking in his bathtub.

Yue
regarded the human through heavy, wet bangs and somehow managed to keep his
skin the pale white it usually was. �Thank you,� he murmured softly, for the
sake of politeness and delicately took the cup into both sets of fingers.
Holding it from the bottom allowed the tea to warm his fingers before he drank
enough to warm him from the inside. He smiled softly as he remembered Aemi�s
voice: �Food to warm you
inside, a bath to warm the outside, and all your fears will melt away.�

Sighing,
the human leaned against the tub as he moved from kneeling to sitting next to
the soaking creature. �That should take away the chill.�

�It
does,� Yue answered softly, then added, �Feels like a memory.�

Touya
didn�t feel he had the right to ask what memory that was, and sighed quietly.
�I wish it wouldn�t take something nearly as frightening to get you to come out
for a bit.�

The
angelic creature arched a delicate eyebrow, feeling more like himself once
more. �What do you mean? I thought you wanted to be with Yukito.�

�I
do, anyone would want to be with the one they love,� Touya reassured him, and
turned to look at Yue�s questioning gaze. �But you�re apart of him too, and I
can�t stand to think of what it must be like to be crammed in the back of
someone�s mind for years on end. Not only that, but Sakura is worried about
you,� he would have continued, but it seemed like fate would never let anyone
of Clow�s bloodline say entirely what they wished.

�She�s
worried?� Yue repeated, slightly confused. �If that is true, why hasn�t she
summoned me to her?�

The
human sighed, and couldn�t help smiling before replying, �She didn�t want to
bother you. She loves you as a friend, Yue, not as a servant, and she would
never impose, interrupt, or inconvenience you if she thought she didn�t have
to. But she is worried that you haven�t come out in a few years, and Kero�s
getting antsy about something.�

Yue�s
eyes dropped back down to the floor. �Then I should apologize, I did not wish
to worry her,� he sighed and set the empty ceramic cup on the tile floor.
Something was bothering him now; what had made Kereberos act �antsy� the last time�?
�But I stayed away so I wouldn�t bother anyone, and I won�t start now. Please
tell Kereberos that I am fine and tell my mistress as well.�

�Why
don�t you tell them?� Touya prodded,
�They�d believe it more if you were saying it and not me.�

�I am
sure,� Yue found himself looking away again, �but I cannot do so right now.�

�Why
not? You�re talking with me, aren�t you?� the human insisted.

�Because,�
the moon creature spoke as he turned to look Touya in the eyes, �if I told them I was fine, I would be
lying, and I will never lie to my mistress.�

I don�t know what set me off first but I know what I can�t
stand

Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is

I can�t add up to what you can

I really am not bothered by this love that my
other half has fostered with my mistress� brother. And yet, I am confused how
one half of me can love this human when I will love none other than my master. Yue
let his eyes wander around the room, his gaze landing conveniently away from
Touya. How does one answer such a
question? A sigh escaped his lips, and his gaze shifted again to the floor
as he thought further. Why am I even
acting like this? He does not need to know, had know right to ask� I should
have gone back to the book an hour ago. But Yukito, you don�t feel settled yet,
by any god, what is happening?

Again, he shifted, but this time lifted his head and flicked some of his
hair back with a slight twitch of his neck. �Yukito�s love for you,� he
started, and then rethought what he was going to say, �it is his own, and I
have not, and will not interfere because I know that you return it. I have seen
no reason to stop your relationship and will not in the future.�

Touya
looked long at Yue, noting that the air of stoic arrogance had once again formed
around him. Yue�s voice had been soft, but crisp and cold as it normally was,
though the subject was something he had not expected to get an answer about.
However, the reply did little to answer his question. �But what I asked you was
whether or not it was okay with you. Yukito mentioned something about you� not
appreciating,� he valiantly fought back a blush and almost succeeded � almost �
�us��

Again,
an elegant eyebrow was raised, as cat like eyes regarded the human with a
sideways glance. �Not appreciating you�?� Yue prompted.

�When
we, well, when we,� Touya felt awkward talking with Yue about this; somehow,
the moon guardian made him feel almost childish at times, �When we make love,
he said that you didn�t appreciate it.�

A
shadow passed over Yue�s eyes as he pulled the cloth of his outfit absently. He
had been relieved when his clothes had come on his summons, but they didn�t
help him from feeling stark naked and vulnerable right then. Just as suddenly
as they had been shadowed, his eyes turned to the frosty diamonds they normally
were. �Of course I do not appreciate it; you are having sex with the shadow of
my body. I cannot think of many people who would appreciate such touches and
feelings granted at the whim of another�s lover,� he answered coldly.

Touya
winced slightly at the harsh words; it wasn�t that he�d never taken Yue into
consideration: he cared a great deal for the moon guardian, but that didn�t
help him to stop when Yukito was nestled softly against him. But how to tell
Yue that eluded him entirely. �Yue,� he started, but fell silent when Yue held
up his hand.

�However,
I also know that Yukito usually initiates those touches, and the pain of not
being able to touch the one you love. That is why I have not spoken against
that kind of involvement,� he added softly, though no less crisply, �I do not
wish to put either of you through that.�

But everybody has a face that they hold inside

A face that awakes when they close their eyes

A face that watches every time they lie

A face that laughs every time they fall

The warm night air filtered in
through a window above his bed; it was just strong enough to gently sway the
light, white curtains hung over the sides of the window. Yue watched the
curtain move with mild interest. He could clearly see the night sky from where
he lay on his bed. The clear, dark blue sky shone with the light of many summer
constellations that he had named off in his head until he could no longer focus
on them. He briefly remembered the sun guardian�s presence, but could not
remember how long ago that had been.

He turned his mind, once more,
to the tumultuous emotions within him. They were fanned out across him in such
a conflicting array that he could barely distinguish any of them. His eyes slid
shut as the pangs of a headache started again. In the back of his mind he felt
a strange, hesitant set of bundled emotions and knew it was that thing that
Clow had fused him with. A small smile flitted temporarily across his lips when
he realized that the being was trying to comfort him. He felt no anger or
resentment towards that creature nestled tenderly in his mind, he regarded it
with a kindness and care usually shown only to his master.

He sat up straight with the
sudden realization that that very man had already been back for a few minutes.
Finally having something to focus on, although he didn�t know with what emotion
he was focusing, Yue rose from his bed, silently commanding his clothes to
change back to his normal outfit, and tying his hair back to the way Clow liked
it. Confused or not, his master was back, and he would greet him. He didn�t
even bother with the door, and just slipped through the wall, knowing that he
only needed to bother with doors when there were guest present.

Floating a bit above the floor,
he hovered forward at a walking pace, and wondered idly how long Clow had been
home before he realized it. He felt calmer now that he had something other than
his own emotions to focus on. In fact, it felt as if he was sinking back into
his normal ways: a comforting thought. The hallway outside of his room was
lengthy and passed the patio, Kereberos� room, Clow�s chambers and a large
bathroom before splitting and opening ways to the library, living room, and
many other rooms that Yue had yet to even visit. The moon guardian was just
passing his master�s quarters when he saw Clow walking down the hallway wearing
a thoughtful expression.

�Master,� the moon creature
started saying only to trail off when he saw the condition of Clow�s left hand.
Blood was seeping to the surface of the skin and trailing down his fingers to
where it dripped on to his right hand held beneath it. Yue�s eyes grew wide in
shock; he had never seen his master bleed from even a small paper cut. He didn�t like the look of it one bit. �Clow!
What happened?� he asked with a shocked voice as he sped forward to gently
observe the wound.

�Kereberos just got a little�
antsy,� Clow Reed spoke softly, not even sounding in pain as he continued to
walk forward. He couldn�t help smiling at the way Yue fussed over him like a
mother bird. The mental comparison nearly made him laugh out loud.

�I hope you were going to the
medical supplies in your room,� the moon creature said in a �you better have
been� voice. He ignored, for a moment, Clow�s answer to his earlier question,
and practically dragged the injured magician to Clow�s own chambers and set him
on some random piece of furniture. He remembered where the medical supplies
were from the numerous times when Kereberos had come in with this problem or
that. �Do you need me to mix up a pain relieving tea, master?�

Clow gave a soft sigh, and
watched Yue from where he sat, �No, I�m fine, Yue. You know Kereberos would
never purposely badly hurt me.�

�You�re back for a few minutes,
and you�re already playing with him?� the moon creature asked incredulously as
he knelt down in front of the human�s chair and delicately began cleaning the
bleeding hand.

�Not exactly,� Clow answered,
silently noting that any other person would have sat next to him instead of
kneeling in front of him, �actually, he was worried about you.�

�Me?� Yue blinked, glancing up
from his ministrations. Earlier, when he came to my room, he must have been checking on me� He quickly moved back to
bandaging his master�s hand. �I don�t see why he was worried, or how that
amounts to a shredded hand.�

Another sigh slipped through
Clow�s lips, he seemed to be doing that a lot lately. �I was leaving for my
rooms, but he wasn�t finished talking, so he grabbed my hand,� he explained,
then added lightly, �Of course, it would have been a better idea, and a lot
less painful if he had hands to do that with.�

�I�m sure,� the creature agreed,
and finished tying the bandages on the top of Clow�s left wrist. He tucked the ends
under the wrapped parts of the white cloth.
Carefully, he set down the injured hand and placed his own hands in his
lap. Normally, he would have rested his head on his master�s thigh, but that
somehow didn�t feel� permissible tonight.

Clow took note of that, and
leaned forward to slip a finger under Yue�s chin and lift it so he could look
his creation in the eyes. �Yue, he was worried because he could tell something
was wrong, and if it was worth getting a bloody hand over, I think it�s worth
knowing.� The end was spoken with a slight chuckle to show he didn�t mind
getting the injury.

Something inside the moon
guardian froze then, a stinging coldness seeped through his body and showed in
a sharpened gaze. �That would be something worth knowing, master, and could I
tell you what it was I would.�

The magician was taken aback by
the way Yue looked at him, and the stinging words. Kereberos was right, Yue
didn�t know how to deal with it, and it was also evident that his dear creature
was upset because of something he had done. He watched Yue continue to kneel
there and look back as if waiting to be scolded or told to leave. �Yue,� he
spoke quietly, reaching down and grabbing the moon creature�s right wrist,
�join me on the seat.�

Blinking, the guardian rose, and
did as he was bid, letting Clow guide him to a spot directly beside the
magician. He looked back at the man he was now sitting next to and felt so many
jumbled emotions that he couldn�t settle his mind enough to speak. Clow, on the
other hand, used the leverage of Yue�s wrist to pull the creature to him and
capture his lips in a soft, loving kiss. Yue let his eyes drift shut and
responded to the kiss without hesitation; no matter what mood he was in, he
always knew that he loved this man and would never let any of his thoughts or
actions come in the way of that.

When he broke the kiss, Clow
held his creation close to him, and set his head on it�s shoulder. Yes, Yue was
definitely not the friend he had originally intended him to be. This being he
held was far more complicated and far more to him than just a friend. �I want
you to tell me what is bothering you without keeping anything back,� he
whispered against the pale skin.

Yue felt himself calming under
his master�s touch and laid his upper body against the soft material of Clow�s
furniture. For a while all he could hear was their soft breathing and all he
felt was the magician�s hold around him. He shivered when Clow�s breath danced
over his skin as his master asked him a question. He had a faint memory of
anger, but his mind was now still as he gazed as if through a fog at the closed
door to the hallway. �I think I was� upset with you, but that can�t be-�

�It�s all right to be upset or
even angry with me, Yue. If I had wanted you to be mindless I would have made
you that way,� Clow interrupted lightly. �But I made you to have your own mind
and emotions, and if those emotions are ever hurt in any way, I want to know.�

�Why did you send me away?� Yue
asked abruptly. He placed his left hand on Clow�s shoulder and regretfully
pulled back from the embrace. �And why did you come after me when I left, but
leave without me?� Tears were hastily blinked away as he looked up at his
master.

�I left without you because you
needed time to adjust, and I thought that time could be well spent among that
family. I knew you were safe and could take care of yourself. I sent you away
before because Soya and Adzuki wanted to speak with me privately,� they were
both such easy answers, and Clow seemed surprised that Yue had even asked.

�About what?�

�If I told you there would have
been no point in dismissing you earlier,� the magician smirked a bit in an
attempt to lighten the mood.

The angelic creature had such a
wounded look that Clow was hard pressed not to pull him into another comforting
kiss. �There are so many things� but I could never be mad with you, Clow,� Yue
finally answered, dropping his gaze and removing his hands.

�Yue,� the man smiled
comfortingly and reached out to tenderly hold Yue�s chin in his right hand, and
rub his thumb over a pale cheek, �I never wanted you to be mad with me, but
that does not mean you cannot feel anything bad towards me.�

Yue�s eyes glistened with an
extra sheen of water as he melted into Clow�s touches. He nodded as much as he
could before his head was placed, either by his will or his master�s, against
the yielding fabric across Clow�s chest.

(And watches everything)

So you know that when it�s time to sink or swim

That the face inside is watching you too/ Right inside your
skin

Touya
looked up, suddenly feeling something change. He couldn�t put his finger on it,
but something had definitely happened. Pausing in stirring the stew, he turned
the stove to low, and walk out to the living room. �Yue?� he called out
hesitantly.

Looking
over his left shoulder, Yue regarded Touya with a distant gaze, �Yes?�

�Is
something wrong? I felt�something,� Touya trailed off as he entered the room,
realizing how odd that sounded. Then, he remembered who he was talking to, and
picked up the thought again. �I felt something change, are you okay?�

The
guardian dropped his gaze to the couch he sat on and thought for a moment while
he checked on Yukito. He was almost lost in his thoughts again when the cushion
next to him sunk under added weight, causing him to look up and meet the
human�s dark gaze. �I�m fine,� he finally answered, �I was just thinking, and I
checked on Yukito, there is nothing wrong with him either.� The last statement
caused Yue�s emotions collapse into each other.

�Are
you sure? I know I felt something,� Touya prodded, still looking critically at
Clow Reed�s creation.

No,
now he was starting to doubt whether or not everything really was okay. Yue had
told Touya already that he was not
fine, but he could already feel the emptiness starting to ache again. He didn�t
want to deal with this, not now, not when he could even think straight.
Abruptly, he stood up from the couch, and replied, �You have nothing to worry
about, Touya.�

�What�re
you talking-� Touya began, but stopped short to cover his eyes when a white
light erupted around Yue.

It�s like I�m/ Paranoid lookin� over my back

It�s like a/ Whirlwind inside my head

It�s like I/ Can�t stop what I�m hearing within

It�s like the face inside is right beneath my skin

And suddenly,
Touya was blinking an image of Yukito into focus. The gently human looked
around with a mild amount of shock before his eyes met with Touya�s. �It was
him again, wasn�t it?�

Touya
nodded, and gritted his teeth, trying to keep his anger in check. �Yeah, it
was, and he just left without as much as
a warning,� he closed his mouth to keep from yelling and tried to settle
down. �I hate it when he does that.�

�He
was just overwhelmed, To-ya,� Yukito smiled reassuringly, moved back to the
couch, pulling Touya down to sit next to him.

�How
do you know that? You usually act like you�ve just woken up,� Touya questioned,
calming mostly because Yukito helped him.

�I
don�t know,� he shrugged, and then chuckled softly, �I seem to be shocking a
couple of people recently.�

�That
reminds me, I could hardly get a word out of Yue all night; do you know what
happened? I mean, one minute I�m sleeping next to you, and the next Yue�s
sitting next to me like a frightened bird.�

Yukito
laughed at the comparison, �I doubt he�d like to hear that, Touya-kun.�

�I
doubt that he didn�t hear me,� Touya
joked, snaking an arm around Yukito�s shoulders. �Just try to stick around for
a bit, okay? Yue only stayed because he said you needed to �settle�. Could you
tell me what that is supposed to
mean?�

�I�m�
not sure,� Yuki lamented and snuggled against Touya with a small smile. �I
remember being shocked then something� twisted and I don�t think I could handle
it, so Yue must have taken over so I didn�t have to. Afterwards I just had this
uncomfortable feeling� and that�s all I can really remember.�

�That�s
a bit more than what Yue could piece together� are both of you all right for now?�

�For
now,� Yukito nodded, and then grinned a bit sheepishly, �Um, Touya��

�Yeah?�

�I�m
really hungry��

It�s like I�m/ Paranoid lookin� over my back

It�s like a/ Whirlwind inside my head

It�s like I/ Can�t stop what I�m hearing within

It�s like the face inside is right beneath my skin

�So,
did you two talk?� Yukito asked in-between spoonfuls of soup.

�A
bit, he�s not really one for conversation,� Touya replied, pouring himself a
bowl of soup.

�And�?�
his lover prodded.

�And
he�s a very depressed and closed off person,� the dark haired man answered
while taking a seat. �But, I know he�s got a heart in there somewhere, because
he�s also very self-sacrificing.�

Yukito
nodded, �Like you.�

�Well,
I ... Uh�� Touya stuttered, and blushed;
he never could take a compliment from Yukito.

�So�?�
Yukito pushed, still chuckling at Touya�s reaction.

�So�
even though he said he doesn�t want to� erm� come between us, I don�t want to �
do� anything until everything is settled,� he concluded, trying to beat his
best record for the most prominent blush, and then quickly added, �If you don�t
mind.�

�You�re
so caring, To-ya,� Yukito smiled, �I don�t mind.�

Touya
grumbled something incoherent about not being able to eat, and managed to smile
back at his lover. �Well, as long as you�re okay with everything, Yuki.�

Yukito
chuckled at the nickname, �I don�t mind, I want Yue-san to be happy too. And
anyway, it�d be easier if both sides of your schizophrenic, high-maintenance
boyfriend were happy, right?�

Touya
nearly spits his soup across the room; choking down the hot liquid he stared at
the boy across from him. �What?� Yukito looked like he was going to say
something, but Touya rode over him, �Who said that?� he shouted, clearly upset.

�It
was a joke, Touya-kun, really, it was just a joke,� his boyfriend insisted.

�You
know I don�t see you that way, right?� the dark haired man asked in a suddenly
quiet voice.

�Of
course!� Yukito reassured him, raising his right hand in a calming gesture,
�Li-chan said it once in jest, he was just upset about Yue-san, and don�t get
upset, To-ya.�

Trying
his best not to look like he had anger management problems, Touya settled for
going red and mumbling obscenities.

The sun goes down

I feel the light betray me

�Since
you know about everything, I just wanted to� I don�t know; I�m really worried
that something�s up.� Touya sighed and flopped on to his father�s couch.

Fujitaka
looked down at his son from the side of the couch as he walked into the room,
�Why are you talking to me about it then? It seems to me that there a few other
people that would be concerned and provide better answers than I could.�

�But
I don�t want to ask you about the magic, I wanted to talk to you about my
situation with Yue-san and Yukito,� Touya explained, laying his head on the top
of the couch and staring at the ceiling. �I�m so worried I�m doing something
wrong; I don�t want to hurt either of them.�

�Do
you love them?�

�Of
course I do!�

Fujitaka�s face appeared in
Touya�s line of vision as the tall man looked with a small smile, �No, do you
love them, both of them?�

Touya
faltered and sat up, turned around and looked at his dad. �I� don�t know.�

Taking
a seat on the top of the couch, Fujitaka continued smiling warmly, �For years
after you two met, I watched my son slowly fall in love with his best friend.
Then, from what I here, save Yukito�s other half from fading away, and then,
when everyone�s settled down in their own homes with their own families, and
Yukito is no longer in danger of disappearing, you still worry about Yue-san. This tells me that you at least care
very deeply for this person, even if it is not in the same way you love
Yukito-san.�

Saying
that Touya was blushing then is like saying that giants are moderately tall: a
complete understatement. He unconsciously rubbed the back of his head and
stammered out, �I don�t see how that helps things��

�Well,
I�m just saying, if you love them that much, you�ll find a way to deal with
everything,� his father replied.

Touya
managed to stop blushing and smiled hesitantly, �I suppose you�re right, I just
wish I knew what that way was.�

�Have
you tried talking with Yue-san about it?�

�Oh yeah,� Touya replied wryly,
�but he has the unfair advantage of being able to disappear if he doesn�t like
how the conversation�s going.�

His
dad chuckled and stood up again, patting Touya�s shoulder lightly. �That is
something you�ll have to work around��

The sun goes down

I feel the light betray me

I hope he doesn�t try anything like last
time. Yue thought dryly, but not without a shred of fear. I don�t want to bandage any more hands, Kereberos.
Why do you have to be worried about me anyway? Aren�t we supposed to compete
against each other to improve further? Isn�t that the point of being opposites?
Not to befriend each other, we�re brothers; brothers don�t have to worry about
each other. He felt a familiar shuffling as the Clow Cards shifted in the
darkness around him, and would have chuckled if he could physically move right
then. So why am I trying to convince
myself not to worry about him?

�Hey, at least you look human.� Kero snorted, �That�s more respect than I get.� He
trotted off.

Yue gave the equivalent of a sigh and uncurled slightly. That�s right; he�d tried to comfort me� and
then when he would always find me when I was in a bad mood� Absently, he
thought he heard Touya�s voice, but he ignored it when another thought popped
into his mind.

Clow took note of that,
and leaned forward to slip a finger under Yue�s chin and lift it so he could
look his creation in the eyes. �Yue, he was worried because he could tell
something was wrong, and if it was worth getting a bloody hand over, I think
it�s worth knowing.� The end was spoken with a slight chuckle to show he didn�t
mind getting the injury.

Kereberos, you fool cat, you better be
taking better care of Sakura than you did with Clow. At least he didn�t mind
your roughness and could take care of himself, Sakura isn�t like that, don�t
cause her to worry any more than she already is. When Yue realized what he
was thinking he nearly wiped out three cards in his shock. He knew how much Kero
cared for their mistress, but he hadn�t realized how much he did.

The sun

(It�s like I�m/ Paranoid lookin� over my back

It�s like a/ Whirlwind inside my head

It�s like I/ Can�t stop what I�m hearing within)

Don�t just sit there, come out and talk.
Yukito chastised softly. He still could not tell what the moon guardian was
thinking, but he knew very well that Yue could hear his thoughts and knew what
was going on.

�I
can�t believe this,� Touya sighed, rubbed his temples. �This is so aggravating,
any ideas, Yukito?�

�You�ve
talked with him more than I have, Touya-kun,� Yukito answered gently, �I keep
telling him to come out, but he�s not listening.�

�That
moon reject can be blind, deaf and mute when he feels like it,� Touya grumbled
angrily.

�I doubt
that�s going to get him to take over, To-ya.� Yukito said flatly.

�Well,
I don�t know what to do, if I touch you at all, he�s not going to come out, but
I can�t goad him at all, because he never takes the bait, we�ve tried asking� If he doesn�t wake up
soon, I�m just going to talk to you.�

�But
if I�m here you�ll just keep blushing,� Yukito replied, poking fun at his
boyfriend�s embarrassing habit.

Touya
just continued pacing for a moment, and then flopped into an easy chair next to
the couch Yukito was sitting on. �If he doesn�t want to talk, I don�t know what
to do.�

�Well,
instead of making him take dominance, do you think it would work if I were just
passive?� Yukito put in, looking at Touya curiously. �I don�t know how the
magic works �you would better than I could � but one of us has to take control,
right? And he�s not being submissive, just not doing anything to assert
dominance, so if I could find a way to� stop being dominant, it would force him
to come out, right?�

There
was a short silence as Touya stared at his boyfriend. Then, finally, he spoke,
�Yukito that�s a great idea! I�m not sure how to pull it off, but� maybe doing
that is something along the lines of meditation? In karate, at least, when we
meditate it�s to clear our mind, and I�ve found that with magic, it tends to�
detach you a little. You want to give it a try?�

�If
he doesn�t want to come out on his own�� Yukito answered quietly.

I feel the light betray me

(It�s like the face inside is right beneath my skin)

Yue felt
a strange pulling sensation wash over him, but easily stayed his ground. Yukito
didn�t seem deterred at all and continued to focus on the moon creature in the
back of his mind, while trying not to pay attention to anything else. At the
additional interest, a stronger feeling of being dragged grabbed Yue�s mind and
sent it back to his body where it snapped into place in much the same way as he
had done to Suza centuries before. He blinked back the white light, and gave a
sideways glare at the human waiting for him.

�There
you are!� Touya announced with a grin.

It
took all of Yue�s will power not to slap the fool. �We�ve already spoken, I
don�t see what else there is to say,� Yue frostily informed his companion.

�Hey,
just because you�ve got my magic doesn�t mean I can�t tell when something�s
happening to you, nor does it mean I can�t �see� you,� the dark haired man
countered.

�You
didn�t have to give me your magic; you could have let me disappear,� Yue
answered icily. �It would have caused a lot less pain.�

Touya
narrowed his eyes, �And what makes you think that? You�re so set on fulfilling
Clow�s wishes that I have no doubt you�d be miserable if you had disappeared
and were unable to do so. I would
have been upset, Sakura would have
been upset, and I bet, for all the cold words between you, that Kereberos would
have been sad too.�

�You
don�t seem to grasp the fact that I�m just a tool,� Yue said in his usual
monotone as he turned to look Touya in the eyes. �I was made by the will of a
magician, and I will be undone in much the same way. The only reason I am here
is to fulfill my first master�s wishes and serve whomever masters the cards,
and that is all I can and will do until the end of my existence which may not
even happen.� A breath of air abandoned Yue in the form of a sigh, at the look
Touya was giving him. �Let me try to explain this for you,� he began, thinking
back to his memories; his gaze grew distant as he recalled one in particular,
�Clow told me a story once, about a man and a sword�

�The
man was a great warrior, with a family to protect, admirable talent, and was
respected by many people. Excelling even his hand to hand combat skills were
his abilities with the sword, in which none could beat him. However, he wasn�t
one of a kind; all his family before him had been great fighters as well, and
had many stories told of their deeds. In each story it mentioned the sword each
man carried and described it thoroughly, for the sword was the family heirloom
and highly prized.

�The
man�s father had given him the sword when the man married and produced a male
heir. And the man treasured that sword like it was one of his children. He
would sit for hours polishing it, and making sure the blade stayed sharp. The
sword was the best you kind find for miles around, and yet, the man never used
it. He set it above his hearth and bade no one to touch it. So prized was his
heirloom that it never saw battle while in his possession.

�Soon,
war came to his land and he went out to fight the invaders, but the sword
remained in his house, and he took another to fight with. Such was the man�s
love for the tool handed down through generations of his family. He would not
fight with it, and because he was such a good fighter, survived long with a
lesser weapon. But tools are made to be used, no matter how pretty, respected,
or loved they are, and if that tool is not used for it�s intended purpose, the
owner will find short comings in all his attempts to use something in place of
the tool.

�The
man found this out when he fought a strong warrior from the invaders. The
battle lasted long, and the man stood fast against all onslaughts, but he used
a different sword in place of his family heirloom, which had never let down his
ancestors. Because of this, the man was killed when the blade of the sword he
used shattered and he was struck on the head. He lost his life, his home and
family because he refused to use his treasured sword.

�Do
you see now? Tools are meant to be used, and no matter how loved a tool is, a
tool it will remain, and if you use it for its intended purpose, it will not
fail you. When the invaders came to take the man�s house and family, his son
drew the sword and fought them, and the sword did not fail him,� Yue finished
and looked back to the human sitting a few feet away.

The Sun

(It�s like I�m/ Paranoid lookin� over my back

It�s like a/ Whirlwind inside my head

It�s like I/ Can�t stop what I�m hearing within

It�s like the face inside is right beneath my skin)

Touya
let all of what Yue said settle in his mind before he considered the meaning.
The guardian had told the story in an attempt to drop the subject, but he had
unknowingly showed Touya more of his thoughts and feelings than he would have
liked. Touya felt himself growing distressed, made sure to keep it in check.
�So you think you�re no better than a sword?�

�My
thought on the matter is meaningless,� Yue answered in the same, emotionless,
monotone he�d been using for the entire conversation.

Shaking
his head, Touya replied, �I think you do not see what Clow Reed did for you,
Yue,� he waved off the moon guardian�s attempt to speak. �No, listen to me now.
He gave both you and Kero two forms, one of your forms is the original you that
remembers you past and your mission or whatever you want to call it, and from
what I can tell, not many of those memories are very happy ones. But Yukito,
your other form, is free of these memories, has his own thoughts, his own
spirit, and even if he did remember what you did, it wouldn�t be the same
because he�s not technically you. So he can enjoy life without burden, just as
Kero-chan does when he�s a stuffed animal, just as my father does while the
other half of Clow is weighted with his knowledge and magic on the other half
of the globe.

�Don�t
you see that he split all of you, including him, so that you could live
happily? He had a family as my father, and took care of things magical as
Eriol, but he was able to live happily because he wasn�t burdened with his
past. And the part of him that remembers can learn from the part of him that
doesn�t, and also live as he wanted to in the first place. He did the same for
you, Yue-san,� Touya took a minute to collect his thoughts, and then finished,
�He just wanted you to live, and connected you to Yukito so you could learn how to live. I just want to make sure
that in showing you how to live, neither Yukito nor I am hurting you.�

Yue�s
eyes had narrowed the longer Touya talked, and when he was finally done, the
moon creature spoke again. �You are forgetting that I�m nothing more than a
servant, a tool. I�m like the heirloom: I will be passed on to each new
generation as my owner wishes,� Touya stopped him before he could say more.

�Stop
it!� the human shouted; his anger had finally got the best of him. �I don�t
know what happened to you in the past, but I�m trying to help you now, so stop acting like it doesn�t
matter to you because I know it does!
I know happy isn�t exactly your thing, but you could at least try live in the
now and the future instead of walling off everyone and brooding over your
past!� By the time he was finished, Touya was standing over Yue, just barely
keeping himself from shaking some sense into the stoic creation.

It�s like I/ Can�t stop what I�m hearing within

(I feel the light betray me)

It�s like I/ Can�t stop what I�m hearing within

It�s like I/ Can�t stop what I�m hearing within

It�s like the face inside is right beneath my skin

The moon creature rose
to his feet with a slowness described only as a deadly grace. He looked down and
met Touya�s burning, dark gaze with his own piercing cold one. Then he spoke in
a tone of voice that would send shivers down any sane person�s spine, �I don�t want to live. I prefer the past over the
present or future because to live now means
I must live without Clow, but I do live
because that is what he wanted of me, and I promised you I wouldn�t let
anything happen to Yukito. Do not make light of my loyalties or promises.� And
then he was gone in a flash of light.

Touya scarcely had
enough time to catch his boyfriend who was unable to stand from the shock of
having been forced to dominance so quickly. �I take it, it didn�t go too well,�
Yukito said with a sad smile as he regained enough balance to sit down.

�No,� Touya muttered
in, taking a seat next to him. �I managed to make him even more upset with me.�

�I think he�s just
afraid,� Yukito stated quietly, �While you were talking with him I saw� well it
was like having a dream, and I dreamt about spending a few days with this old
fashioned, Asian family. But, it wasn�t me� somehow I knew I was watching one
of Yue�s memories.�

�How-?� Touya started,
giving his lover a confused look.

�I don�t know, but
Touya, I think it was the only time he spent away from Clow�s house, or general
vicinity. I don�t think he knows how to handle you and me, and Sakura, Li,
Tomoyo, and Kero-chan at the same time, and that scares him.�

Touya thought for a
minute and sighed, �I doubt reincarnations of his old master are helping things
much. But what I�m more worried about now, is that it seems like the walls
between you two are dropping, and I don�t know what that�s going to do.�

�I don�t know either,
To-ya,� Yukito whispered, and was promptly moved to between Touya�s arms and on
the dark haired boy�s lap. He nestled into the warmth of his boyfriend.

�Don�t worry, we�ll
figure it out� eventually.�
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Separation Anxiety